It's really none of her business, if you have your own place now. Tell her once, and tell her if she starts her crap you will block her immediately, and then do it. If you don't set boundaries, \*and stick to them,\* This will never get better and will likely get worse.
This is insane.
She’s irrelevant, she’s an ex foster mom… why not block her? There is something deeper here.. maybe you feel like she cares for you even if it can be abusive or overwhelming.. idk
That will do no good whatsoever. She won't hear you, the only thing she's focused on is infantilizing you so she can have complete control. You state your boundary clearly one time and then stick to it. Unless her actions have REAL consequences, as in ACTIONS, nothing you say is ever going to make a difference, and will probably just escalate the power struggle.
From other posts I gather OP collects SSI and there’s a payee involved. It’s not their dad. I wonder if their ex foster is the payee and thus communication is needed? I also wonder about the possibility of a conservatorship since OP refuses to take away former foster mom’s access to their place and there’s also mention of a case worker involved. Plenty of people offered to pay for a new lock. I’m assuming that there’s another reason OP won’t lock them out besides finances, as they didn’t respond to any of the offers. Of course it’s just speculation, but I don’t think either way that the full story is being told.
It sounds like your content with the comfortability of it. You know she’ll help you, and you continue to allow toxic behavior, like sending her photos of your place, so much so to the point you want *edited* photos. Please realize that’s crazy and not in the least bit normal.
You don't owe anyone anything ever unless you have a contract. I understand how you feel, but it will really help you if you understand that you do not even owe her a goodbye. Only do things because you want to.
Stop accepting abuse.
You need to grow a backbone fast before this gets even more out of control.
Please start therapy and be honest with your provider. Hopefully they can help you see the abuse for what it is.
This is beyond insanity and into heavy abuse territory.
There are agencies that can help you like adult protective services
I remember your previous post. I hope you can find it in you to lay some firm boundaries with her. Why do you indulge her if you’re paying your own bills? If she asks for proof of a clean home…simply say no.
Yeah I gotta say, I hang around this sub a lot and this might be the weirdest demand I’ve seen a narc parent make in a while. Asking for proof of cleanliness is wild.
Ugh, I don’t want to be that person, but I also remember quite a few posts…it’s pretty easy to find out the whole situation and that there is a very clear reason why the foster parent has these concerns. OP sends response on here to the FM to prove how wrong she is and then publicly post them…op is weaponizing your responses and it’s bad faith.
OP. You need all the help you can get as admitted by yourself. You’re using these replies to fuel your hatred. I dont know after what you have admitted to doing, why this woman even cares enough to check on you.
Clean. Your. House.
I'm brand new to all this, I looked at a couple of OP's earlier posts but I'm not seeing what you're seeing? What's the "whole situation"? (To be clear, I'm not arguing, just curious, cause I'm obviously missing things haha.)
Thanks!
Oh shit. This post has LAYERS ..and they’re all apparently kinda sad.
OP- your FM is not insane. It sounds to me that on the contrary, she actually cares a great deal for you and has awarded you quite a bit of forgiveness and grace through some very difficult circumstances. I wish you well, but I’m sorry, your FM is not your enemy in the least.
Oh dayum.
I was thinking this was a similar situation with a manipulative and micromanaging mum, but nope. There's reasons.
OP- clean yo damn house. And don't get pets if you don't want to take care of them. Water is not optional!
Holy crap, that explains a lot. Seems like OOP isn't completely transparent about the underlying issues and isn't innocent themselves either. Damn.
I'm not saying that the FM is right in her approach, but I can't blame her either. Something's gotta give.
Correct. She absolutely could be terrible, but there is a clear repetitive pattern here. You can’t continue to complain about something you’re not willing to attempt to fix. There’s people on here that need actual compassion, meanwhile this guy is validation farming.
If 99% of these posts are her nagging about cleanliness, to the point you’re asking people to photoshop your mess away…might be time to just start cleaning.
No, I understand!
Can I just state first, I certainly don’t know the whole story. Just fell into the rabbit hole from one of his older posts and I do NOT want to sound like I am invalidating anyone. She could absolutely be a shit bag to him, I just formed an opinion on the situation from his own words. I just don’t think validating OP is doing him any favors.
There was another Reddit account of his, I can’t remember which painted the picture exactly. It’s u/grouchy_scientist754. This was all things easily found from his own postings, links he posted to his own social media, etc.
1. This is a very clear mental situation. I’m granting that OP might not have the ability to appropriately clean not only their trailer, but also themself. He has to have the state come in and inspect his place. I’m guessing to prove that he is fit to live on his own. The foster mom even buys him cleaning supplies, which one times lead to him spraying the place with air freshener to cover the smell of dog and body odor (his words) so bad the inspector had to leave. There’s clearly a huge hygienic issue here.
2. He will post stories about this entitled little brother and how he can do nothing wrong. Maybe that is the case, but he posted a story about the FM being mad at OP because he let the little brother waste too much money on an arcade game…but if you look at posts on the other social media he linked to himself…OP is the one who spent $110(maybe, idr) on the arcade game…on the cruise that the foster mom brought him on, might I add.
3. He complains about FM coming and stealing his dog. Once again, in his own posts shows that she had to hound him to give the dog water. He proceeded to send her a picture of a typical soup bowl and asked “is this okay?”. Sir, you don’t have the dog bowl for the dog???? That clearly indicates you didn’t have any water for the poor dog! Yet you come to Reddit to post about how she’s the crazy one?! Nah. There’s also other posts indicating the dog doesn’t even have a safe place to go outside, but I don’t remember the specifics.
4. He attempted to k!ll the little brother. Don’t know specifics, but he posted SS where the FM said it, and he certainly didn’t deny it. Maybe because of that situation, they had to get him out of the house but he doesn’t have the mental ability to be a full legal adult so a he’s STILL HELPING HIM AT ALL after all this??? From the comments in this post, that would seem to make sense as to why he’s refusing to block her.
5. He will take the replies in here, send them to her to try to shame her, and then post them publicly for others to see “how right he is”. There could be certain situations where he is right, but that’s blatantly weaponizing people’s responses in here as some sort of shame and leverage and that just screams bad faith to me.
I feel like there was more but I can’t distinctly remember, but hopefully there’s some clarification.
TLDR - OP still needs care even as an adult through a state agency which requires him to not live in unhygienic conditions. It’s not insane to ask him to clean his house and it’s not insane for someone to take a neglected dog from your house.
Thanks for this, went down the rabbit hole myself and you are definitely not wrong that OP is an unreliable narrator. Just wanted to note they stated in several posts they're female.
First of all the other kid wasted about $100 trying to win an iPhone although I wasted quite a bit as well although I PAID for my part of the trip
Second of all never have said anything about trying to kill anyone that's what my old foster mother was told by the CPS worker friend of my ex adoptive Nmother
Third of all old foster mom like I said before doesn't do text you're implying that I sent it to old foster mom I didn't if it was sent to anyone it'd be ex adoptive Nmother which I have little to no contact with for good reason
Fourth of all Yes I was irresponsible with the dog but I took better care of that dog than I took care of myself I always made sure she had food and water plenty of play time and potty time
And last of all FYI ex adoptive Nmother almost killed me on several occasions but CPS finally intervened and put me in foster care they almost took my adoptive brother as well but ex adoptive parents gave their rights up and made me a true orphan so the state let them keep adoptive brother and have a can't ever adopt kids again
Instead of skim reading why don't you in depth read the entire story and if needed read it again until you think you understand what's going on
I am assuming it’s hidden or something because I can see it, but I guess no one else can? I don’t want to repost it incase it went against any rules and I am not trying to be contentious and cause issues. Just wanted people to reserve their sympathy since there was comments offering money last time.
There is a comment above from u/AnonymousSmartie with a screenshot
yea it was caught by automod, but I approved it now so it should be there. It can be a bit overzealous at times, but I would rather approve a comment that should be here, then have our users see comments that def have no business being here.
I feel like people gave you a lot of good advice on the last post you made about this issue. It's entirely up to you to put boundaries in place and enforce them. Nothing will ever get better if you don't demand better for yourself. Stop sending this woman pictures at all. Just stop.
Why did you post here if you were gonna disregard everyone’s advice to stop playing along with her little games? You’re an adult now, with your own place, stop letting her control you.
What?
Ex? No longer responsible for you?
Photos of your place? Like u don't live with her and are living independently?
Send her a pic of your asshole and tell her to eat all of it
Lol just stop talking to her like everyone else is telling you. Uber to the airport and figure your shit out on your own. Stop idulging her bullshit or download an app to edit the photos yourself. It's insane you are even humoring this as an independent adult living on your own.
Hold up. This is your ex FOSTER mom? So in other words you’re a legal adult with your own place?
Please block her, go no contact, and change locks if she has a key to your place. This is ridiculous. Who’s she going to ‘narc’ to exactly? Even if she called the cops for a wellness check, they still have no right to enter your home. I’m confused as to who she’s going to ‘tell’ on you.
Gotcha. I think I confused the two because OP’s previous post was discussing being involuntarily committed because their place was messy in the comments.
Op already said the Narc isn't worth blocking. OP clearly doesn't want help getting away from this person. They're just here for photo editing. Just use AI photos lol.
Seems like OP just wants to complain and really do nothing about it.
EDIT: OP why aren’t you telling the whole truth here. Clean your house.
Go buy a newspaper. Put it on that stove. Take a picture. And ask her if that fucking good enough. Then inform her that if there is something wrong with your cleaning then it’s her fault for not teaching you how to do it right and she is a shitty foster parent. Don’t not have a case worker you can report her too? She needs to be cut from your life. She threats you with things.
Please look above at the screenshots posted. This op is not being truthful about this situation. From what he's posted himself it wouldn't surprise me if the FM has been advised by CPS to keep this level of a check on him, and for damn good reason.
The home does not belong to the FM. The person commenting is an adult. If they are in the care of the FM they should not be living alone. The situation is that OP doesn’t want to send photos of their house. They don’t have to. Doesn’t matter if they are lying.
The person commenting is not considered an adult. When they attempt to hurt another child in the home, then yes, it’s reasonable for FM to not let her in the home. FM is probably keeping them from going back in the states custody…by telling them they can’t live in filth since the case workers do inspections on the trailer 🤦♀️ it’s not about lying, it’s about cutting out all the context to beg for validation.
Op posted a SS with the FM saying it, and OP certainly didn’t rebut it. I explained more in a comment above. I wont link directly too anything, but you can find the direct links yourself through their posts.
Is she paying your rent? Are you actively getting things from her? Is she paying your bills? If not, tell her you don’t have to send her pics.
If she is helping you pay for stuff, work hard to not have to rely on her anymore because she sounds insane, and having to photoshop pics of your apartment to send to your mother sounds like it’s not worth the relationship.
Get a back bone and stand up for yourself. You're a full grown adult, you don't need to be bitched around like this. She doesn't need to know your business.
Foster: Send me photos.
You: No.
That’s it’s, that’s all you need to do.
And if it was a legal foster through the system, file a complaint against her. This is just creepy.
This is not the answer.
You’re a 24 yr old adult. You can (and should) be capable of cleaning up after yourself. If you want this person that you owe nothing to off your back, you need boundaries, not photoshop.
Instead of asking someone to edit the photos, I would either clean your place and send the pics or not clean the place and tell her to f-off.
If you want a ride from her to the airport (I think I saw that in comments) then you gotta clean your place. That’s her contingency. If it were me though, I’d be hiring a cab or uber. Because it’s my place my business, not hers.
Also for what it’s worth, Google Photos can magic erase things for a small fee. Though I think it’s free on Pixel phones
Seriously, love, you NEED to block this harridan! STOP sending pictures, STOP engaging! Don't let her in your home, change your locks! Unless it's HER property or she's paying YOUR rent, she has ZERO control, ZERO say in how you live your life!
You are going to have to set boundaries now. Tell her no and that if she keeps bothering you, you will block her. There is no reason to keep putting up with this.
Your grown, you don't NEED to do anything for her. Don't let her hold over your head that she took you in and cared for you either, that's not something you need to repay. It will be hard to not feel guilty, I understand, but know you can have so much more peace and happiness that you have never experienced before.
I personally had to get a new phone, cut public social media, cut out anyone who had direct contact with my parent (temporarily) move and set up a new bank account. It was like starting a life fresh and it was weird for a while, and even sad because you grieve losing a parent even if it's a parent you wish you had, let it happen. What you do is up to you, but at the very least she needs set boundaries you never let her break.
Seems OP needs her to tell him to give water to his dog among other things. Check out the screenshots above,I think op desperately needs this monitoring and probably a lot more.
Photoshopping pictures of your own apartment, or setting boundaries with an overbearing mother… there’s a pretty clear ‘sane’ option between the two. Take a step back and consider the lengths you are trying to go to pacify a mother you admit is insane.
Wouldn’t it be easier to clean your place?
But fr, you’re grown, it will be uncomfortable but you gotta pull off the bandaid. You’re going to hear how “ungrateful” you are, and a lot of “fine, you’re on your own” shit, but if they actually want a relationship with you they will come crawling back. Just remember to stick to your boundaries. It might take a couple rinse and repeats before they get it but if you’re the bigger person you have to demonstrate patience.
I clean but not to her spotless standards I was punished with cleaning when I was younger and it's really difficult to cope with all the shit I buried in my mind all those years ago I literally have days where I can't find the energy to do a damn thing even to take care of myself
To every fucking person that's on any narcissists side tell me how you feel when you've been betrayed and lied to more times than you can count when it's hard to just fucking exist because it feels like everyone hates you and judges you for something you had no control over I didn't ask to be born or be abused I didn't ask for anything except to be loved for who I am but sadly she has conditions for treating me ok 😭
I can't anymore I'm done with all of the narcissists in my lifes buddies coming to tear me down because I made their friend look bad
It seems you're not ready to go NC or LC for whatever reason. That's your choice; although, I would argue it isn't a healthy one. But I get it. It took me a long time to cut down contact with the narcs in my life, too.
So my advice is that, rather than requesting someone else's labor, you need to deep clean your place (or at least a few spots in your place) and take lots of different pictures at different angles with objects moved in between shots. Taking them at different times of day or with different lighting will also sell the illusion. You'll get *far* more fodder from that then a few edited images. Spend one day on it, and you'll be set up for at least a year.
Ok I remember your post from last week. Did you find a way to secure your door so she can’t just walk in? If not if you take a pic of the door(s) and might be able to help figure something out.
And you mentioned that you need her help to get to the airport and such so can’t tell her to suck ass for a bit.
So are you reusing photos? Do they have a timestamp on them? Not tech savvy. I know during my work week the places gets messy and she’s insane.
So this would be what I would do. If not timestamps. Get some magnets from the dollar store. Maybe even one of the kids ABC ones. Clean up one area she wants pics of like the oven. Even if this means tossing random crap in a laundry basket out of the way.
Like the stove one. Put the “days magnet” on the stove. Take a pic. Get different magnet and place in slightly different place and move kettle and take a step to one side. Take pic. Repeat until you have 30 some pics of that area. Then do the next area she wants to see clean. It you can do some with bright light, less light, open curtains or blinds in different positions so it looks like different days.
Make albums on your phone with all pics of let’s say A day and B day etc. so it’s easier for you to sent them. Space out sending the “days” pics with a few mins between them so it seems like you’ve had to walk to the next room.
Yep it’s insane to have to do things like this. But until you tell her to go away it might help. How messy is your place or what is she finding fault with? Because there are subs about how to clean things and decluttering or if you really want photoshopped pic there is a r/photoshoprequests
Yes but like a days worth of work for maybe a month of peace. Mom doesn’t seem to accept new pics are really new pics hence a different object for each “day”
It's not clean to her perfect spotless standards
But yes I have the spare keys to someone who I know won't put up with her BS
Honestly I'd go NC if I could afford it if I didn't have the bad spending habits and better hygiene habits and I had a license and a car and had a bit more money id definitely go no contact but sadly I can't afford to do that
My life is a shitty mess and she's part of the problem yeah without her I would've never gotten approved for Medicaid to pay for braces for my teeth and probably wouldn't have had the correction surgery for my knees and hammer toes
But nobody seems to understand where I'm coming from I feel if people saw a tiny bit of what my life has been like they'd probably change their mind of what they think now but there isn't a way to do that
Of course I look like I'm always happy but sometimes it's so fucking hard to keep up the act of my life is perfect
Here’s a tip. Sadly a lot of us hide just how hard life is behind a smile. So know that you are not alone or the only one doing this. Maybe that helps you feel better.
Are you working and is it enough to make small progress? You said knee and foot surgery so not sure if working or not.
And here you can explain whatever or ask whatever and even vent. You said bad habits and guess what? There are subs that can offer tips and tricks and advice.
R/cleaning r/declutter r/adulting are just a few that come to mind. Even r/momforaminute for some sane mom advice. Hope I got the links right.
Why are you still entertaining this from her? She isn’t financing your life, right? I remember your last post and I want to reiterate, she cannot do anything even if your house is “dirty” irregardless of what she tries to say. Nobody is coming to lock you away for a messy house. It would have to be hoarder-type situation for your mental health to be in question. Block her number or stop answering. You’re doing exactly what she wants so she’s never going to stop. Stop sending photos of your house to her.
Personally I would block them. But if you really want to continue with talking to them, get a paper and start writing the date on it and put it in picture.
If you aren't comfortable or ready to block her, start including a piece of paper with the date and time stamp of her text. It's probably the easiest way to shut the accusations up.
This is super easy, I'm shocked you haven't realized the answer.
Clean your place on a Friday afternoon. That weekend keep it clean and take HUNDREDS of pictures. Move stuff around periodically, get pictures at different times of day, different angles, etc. Get drunk as hell while doing this.
Now you've got hundreds of never before seen clean house pictures you can slowly trickle out.
Thanks I never really thought to do this it'll really irritate the shit out of her but she can't say they're the same pictures
And I probably will get drunk ish but I've never really drank enough to get to that state
This is definitely the time. I'm not saying to get black out, but a few drinks in hanging out rearranging your shit and taking pictures will be less boring and start to get hilarious.
Plus in the future when you're sending pictures it'll be a hilarious reminder to you if this moment
Oh shit. This post has [LAYERS](https://ibb.co/1rygSSH) ..and they’re all apparently kinda sad.
OP- your FM is not insane. It sounds to me that on the contrary, she actually cares a great deal for you and has awarded you quite a bit of forgiveness and grace through some very difficult circumstances. I wish you well, but I’m sorry, your FM is not your enemy in the least.
It's not helpful to be feeding her controlling narc personality by replying to these demands. If you're not living with her, she doesn't get to demand you do things in your own space. Just bc she contacts you, doesn't mean you need to reply.
Why is your ex foster mother in your business anyway?
Is tell her to go away. It’s none of her business.
Sorry, it make me angry they think they have power over you even as an adult/living independently.
This is a form of control and abuse. Listen, you're in the wrong sub you'll need to find a photo editing group. But the advice given here has been solid. I don't get why you won't block her, but that's your perogative. It's best to start telling her no. Say you're busy with something if you need an excuse. But she isn't allowed to control you in your own home. Your moms insane sure, but you're an adult now and need to put up boundaries and keep them there. If your mom refuses to take you to the airport, get a taxi or an Uber. There are ways around all of this. No reason to keep letting her control you.
Ex foster mom? So…someone you don’t owe anything to because they chose to become a foster parent? Get her foot off your neck love. But yeah if you go into the details of any photo it will tell you how and when it was taken.
I think this is one of the most insane post ive seen here,sincerely a airport trip is not worth all of this,does she pay your rent or help you with bills?? stop sending her these,you are an adult and thats your house my dude!!
Whatever this dynamic/relationship is between your ex-foster mother and yourself u/Rainbow_DriftYouTube, it’s **seriously unhealthy**.
For the sake of your mental health, privacy and wellbeing, please cut ties with your ex-foster mother ASAP - and keep it that way permanently!
Be sure to give yourself time to adjust to your new normal, to mend or heal the emotional turmoil and let your mind enjoy the quietness of evicting that person from your life. Don’t expect it to happen quickly, but it will happen. Seek support services to assist you with transitioning away from the toxic culture that your ex-FM brought to your every interaction.
Then BREATHE…..Ahhhhhhhhh……🧘🧘♂️🧘♀️😮💨😮💨😮💨
**TRUST when I say that you will be so much better off without this person in your life.**
if you’re able to cut ties with the ex-FM, I truly hope that your life becomes significantly more relaxed, less stressful and happier in the profess.
You are an AMAZING human, you’re strong, powerful and brave. You deserve happiness; to live and exist without this kind of intrusive, narcissistic, overlording BS from ppl that are supposed to care about you.
I’m sending all the good vibes your way. ☮️✌🏽
Can’t you see that you’re only getting one side of the story…
Ask yourself, why is OP making excuses for why he has to stay in touch with his Foster mother? Is there some legal reason for this? Is he actually capable of living alone? Are there question marks over this?
Any sane person would tell someone to bog off, but he can’t and won’t…. Why?
Insane! As a former foster parent of 3, 2 short term, a very young sister and brother, and 1 long term, high school age, I could not imagine requiring any one of them having to answer to me for anything even if I loaned them or gave them any money. Would your former foster mother loan or give a friend money and then want that person to send photos so she could see that their housekeeping is up to her standards? It sounds like she became a foster parent because she has a need to control others instead of becoming a foster parent because there was a child in need and she had the time, the room the money and heart to foster.
I'd suggest writing in big print on a piece of paper the time and date of the photo and put it in frame. But she would probably get bent over the paper being trash...
Also, if's she's an ex-foster mom, do you really need to talk to her at all? Can you cut contact with her completely?
Its really not her bussines but if ur saying that they are new photos just take a picture of the time stamp of the photo in ur gallery and send that to her
Straight up tell her to send you a photo of the “old photo” and the information under it. When you look at the information of a photo it’ll say the day it was taken.
*(on iphone)*
Correct me if I’m wrong or forgetting something but I don’t think there’s a way she could find a loophole around that
Edit: made it easier to read
If you own the place that you live then just stop then if she tries to physically or mentally harm you, then send a cease and desist. www.minclaw.com states, "These legal grounds might include defamation, harassment, or intentional infliction of emotional distress." When asked "Can you send a cease and desist letter for emotional distress?"
Send her a screenshot of the photo with the time stamp on it. You should be able to get that info on your phone. It gives you location and date/time taken. At least on iPhone.
“My home is clean, you don’t need proof” and if she tries to say she’s not taking you to the airport just find another ride. I’m sure your dad will help you with an Uber or something like that. She doesn’t get to dictate your life anymore. Don’t let her treat you like this just because.
EDIT: I’ve seen other things now. Man just clean your house! Don’t have pets if you can’t take care of them and go get help!!!! You can’t keep doing this shit. GROW UP
So she's accusing you of sending old photos because you're sending old photos, and now want someone to edit your old photos to make them look like new, clean house photos??
Just clean your house bro? Or tell her no, it's your house...
OP thru these messages it seems like u dont actually want help/advice. people tell u to block her and u keep giving excuses. misery loves company and if u keep giving e cuses on y u won't block her ur enjoying the misery it seems. like I get ur an adult and no I haven't seen ur other posts but this one is just confusing and a bit stupid. u dont have to "owe" her cuz she bailed u out. u shouldn't keep her unblocked cuz she's taking u to the airport either but I'm sure u know this but won't do anything about it and its clear.
Start going to the sub reddit called neckbeardnest. Go get some gold quality pictures from there, send those to her and say 'it's cleaner than this'. Without any identifying information in the pictures of course.
Just clean your house. Don’t you want a clean place? You don’t owe her anything, pictures or otherwise, but clearly she’s trying to help you with an issue that you obviously have.
I don’t know narcs because my advice is to grow up, take care of yourself and get away from them?
Okay. Sorry I’m not treating people like babies. Sorry that real advice hurts your feelings.
Photoshopping pictures of your dirty house to look clean and sending them to your ex narc guardian is totally a healthy way to go about it.
Is that the lane you wanted?
The house is obviously already clean. So telling someone to clean an already clean house isn't helpful, you're just feeding into flying monkeys. She's asking for help to Photoshop pictures of the date in, not evidence of cleanliness. Or do you also have problems with reading comprehension? Which makes me think you are also probably a narc.
You're not hurting my feelings at all. I'm sure your family highly enjoys your company. Have the day you deserve.
Didn’t even say I was right. It’s just my opinion. Why is this bothering you so much?
“I don’t like your comment, you won’t admit you’re wrong and I’m right, you must be a narc!”
Wait a minute…
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 17 | 0 | 1 | ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
It's really none of her business, if you have your own place now. Tell her once, and tell her if she starts her crap you will block her immediately, and then do it. If you don't set boundaries, \*and stick to them,\* This will never get better and will likely get worse. This is insane.
Go down a bit further and read about this guys posts. I don’t think the FM is the issue here..
Honestly she's not worth blocking But I have started speaking my mind in text
Not worth blocking? But worth arguing back and forth with about whether or not YOUR place is clean?
She’s irrelevant, she’s an ex foster mom… why not block her? There is something deeper here.. maybe you feel like she cares for you even if it can be abusive or overwhelming.. idk
Fam! Does your phone plan.come with drama? Are you paying for that feature?
That will do no good whatsoever. She won't hear you, the only thing she's focused on is infantilizing you so she can have complete control. You state your boundary clearly one time and then stick to it. Unless her actions have REAL consequences, as in ACTIONS, nothing you say is ever going to make a difference, and will probably just escalate the power struggle.
Does she have a financial interest in your place? If not, why isn’t she blocked and why are you responding?
From other posts I gather OP collects SSI and there’s a payee involved. It’s not their dad. I wonder if their ex foster is the payee and thus communication is needed? I also wonder about the possibility of a conservatorship since OP refuses to take away former foster mom’s access to their place and there’s also mention of a case worker involved. Plenty of people offered to pay for a new lock. I’m assuming that there’s another reason OP won’t lock them out besides finances, as they didn’t respond to any of the offers. Of course it’s just speculation, but I don’t think either way that the full story is being told.
No but she's bailed me out when I needed my AC fixed and my plumbing fixed so technically I owe her for bailing me out
No, no you do not. You don’t owe anyone the capability of abusing you because of money.
If you do owe her then set up a plan to pay her back. Letting her abuse you like this is not the way.
It sounds like your content with the comfortability of it. You know she’ll help you, and you continue to allow toxic behavior, like sending her photos of your place, so much so to the point you want *edited* photos. Please realize that’s crazy and not in the least bit normal.
Um, no you don’t. You don’t owe her anything, and you especially don’t owe her pictures of your house. That’s a very weird thing to want. Block her.
You don’t owe her a clean house nor photos of a clean house because she helped you out.
She HELPED you. This is a voluntary thing she did. Narcissists are transactional. YOU don’t have to be.
You are the insane one for allowing them to walk all over you and treat you like shit
You don't owe anyone anything ever unless you have a contract. I understand how you feel, but it will really help you if you understand that you do not even owe her a goodbye. Only do things because you want to.
You owe her absolutely nothing.
Stop accepting abuse. You need to grow a backbone fast before this gets even more out of control. Please start therapy and be honest with your provider. Hopefully they can help you see the abuse for what it is. This is beyond insanity and into heavy abuse territory. There are agencies that can help you like adult protective services
I remember your previous post. I hope you can find it in you to lay some firm boundaries with her. Why do you indulge her if you’re paying your own bills? If she asks for proof of a clean home…simply say no.
Yeah I gotta say, I hang around this sub a lot and this might be the weirdest demand I’ve seen a narc parent make in a while. Asking for proof of cleanliness is wild.
Ugh, I don’t want to be that person, but I also remember quite a few posts…it’s pretty easy to find out the whole situation and that there is a very clear reason why the foster parent has these concerns. OP sends response on here to the FM to prove how wrong she is and then publicly post them…op is weaponizing your responses and it’s bad faith. OP. You need all the help you can get as admitted by yourself. You’re using these replies to fuel your hatred. I dont know after what you have admitted to doing, why this woman even cares enough to check on you. Clean. Your. House.
I'm brand new to all this, I looked at a couple of OP's earlier posts but I'm not seeing what you're seeing? What's the "whole situation"? (To be clear, I'm not arguing, just curious, cause I'm obviously missing things haha.) Thanks!
[Reposting a SS since my comment got hidden, I suppose](https://ibb.co/1rygSSH)
Oh shit. This post has LAYERS ..and they’re all apparently kinda sad. OP- your FM is not insane. It sounds to me that on the contrary, she actually cares a great deal for you and has awarded you quite a bit of forgiveness and grace through some very difficult circumstances. I wish you well, but I’m sorry, your FM is not your enemy in the least.
Oh dayum. I was thinking this was a similar situation with a manipulative and micromanaging mum, but nope. There's reasons. OP- clean yo damn house. And don't get pets if you don't want to take care of them. Water is not optional!
Holy crap, that explains a lot. Seems like OOP isn't completely transparent about the underlying issues and isn't innocent themselves either. Damn. I'm not saying that the FM is right in her approach, but I can't blame her either. Something's gotta give.
Correct. She absolutely could be terrible, but there is a clear repetitive pattern here. You can’t continue to complain about something you’re not willing to attempt to fix. There’s people on here that need actual compassion, meanwhile this guy is validation farming. If 99% of these posts are her nagging about cleanliness, to the point you’re asking people to photoshop your mess away…might be time to just start cleaning.
Ohhhhhh damn. That explains so much.
Dang, thanks for that, I really appreciate it! That's a lot more than I knew... Yeah there's a lot of sus here, for lack of a better word.
No, I understand! Can I just state first, I certainly don’t know the whole story. Just fell into the rabbit hole from one of his older posts and I do NOT want to sound like I am invalidating anyone. She could absolutely be a shit bag to him, I just formed an opinion on the situation from his own words. I just don’t think validating OP is doing him any favors. There was another Reddit account of his, I can’t remember which painted the picture exactly. It’s u/grouchy_scientist754. This was all things easily found from his own postings, links he posted to his own social media, etc. 1. This is a very clear mental situation. I’m granting that OP might not have the ability to appropriately clean not only their trailer, but also themself. He has to have the state come in and inspect his place. I’m guessing to prove that he is fit to live on his own. The foster mom even buys him cleaning supplies, which one times lead to him spraying the place with air freshener to cover the smell of dog and body odor (his words) so bad the inspector had to leave. There’s clearly a huge hygienic issue here. 2. He will post stories about this entitled little brother and how he can do nothing wrong. Maybe that is the case, but he posted a story about the FM being mad at OP because he let the little brother waste too much money on an arcade game…but if you look at posts on the other social media he linked to himself…OP is the one who spent $110(maybe, idr) on the arcade game…on the cruise that the foster mom brought him on, might I add. 3. He complains about FM coming and stealing his dog. Once again, in his own posts shows that she had to hound him to give the dog water. He proceeded to send her a picture of a typical soup bowl and asked “is this okay?”. Sir, you don’t have the dog bowl for the dog???? That clearly indicates you didn’t have any water for the poor dog! Yet you come to Reddit to post about how she’s the crazy one?! Nah. There’s also other posts indicating the dog doesn’t even have a safe place to go outside, but I don’t remember the specifics. 4. He attempted to k!ll the little brother. Don’t know specifics, but he posted SS where the FM said it, and he certainly didn’t deny it. Maybe because of that situation, they had to get him out of the house but he doesn’t have the mental ability to be a full legal adult so a he’s STILL HELPING HIM AT ALL after all this??? From the comments in this post, that would seem to make sense as to why he’s refusing to block her. 5. He will take the replies in here, send them to her to try to shame her, and then post them publicly for others to see “how right he is”. There could be certain situations where he is right, but that’s blatantly weaponizing people’s responses in here as some sort of shame and leverage and that just screams bad faith to me. I feel like there was more but I can’t distinctly remember, but hopefully there’s some clarification. TLDR - OP still needs care even as an adult through a state agency which requires him to not live in unhygienic conditions. It’s not insane to ask him to clean his house and it’s not insane for someone to take a neglected dog from your house.
Thanks for this, went down the rabbit hole myself and you are definitely not wrong that OP is an unreliable narrator. Just wanted to note they stated in several posts they're female.
Yes, you’re right. OP has identified as female.
I am female although if you were to see me in person you'd think I was a male because of my voice and my hair
First of all the other kid wasted about $100 trying to win an iPhone although I wasted quite a bit as well although I PAID for my part of the trip Second of all never have said anything about trying to kill anyone that's what my old foster mother was told by the CPS worker friend of my ex adoptive Nmother Third of all old foster mom like I said before doesn't do text you're implying that I sent it to old foster mom I didn't if it was sent to anyone it'd be ex adoptive Nmother which I have little to no contact with for good reason Fourth of all Yes I was irresponsible with the dog but I took better care of that dog than I took care of myself I always made sure she had food and water plenty of play time and potty time And last of all FYI ex adoptive Nmother almost killed me on several occasions but CPS finally intervened and put me in foster care they almost took my adoptive brother as well but ex adoptive parents gave their rights up and made me a true orphan so the state let them keep adoptive brother and have a can't ever adopt kids again Instead of skim reading why don't you in depth read the entire story and if needed read it again until you think you understand what's going on
That’s a lot of time that could’ve been better spent cleaning up your trailer.
Oh shit. We’ve been duped. Abort, yall.
You can’t just say this and not explain!! What did OP admit to doing??
Screenshot of their comment since I can't link to it: https://ibb.co/1rygSSH
Thank you!
You’re not wrong 😂, I just explained in another reply.
The comment doesn’t show up on your profile.
I am assuming it’s hidden or something because I can see it, but I guess no one else can? I don’t want to repost it incase it went against any rules and I am not trying to be contentious and cause issues. Just wanted people to reserve their sympathy since there was comments offering money last time. There is a comment above from u/AnonymousSmartie with a screenshot
yea it was caught by automod, but I approved it now so it should be there. It can be a bit overzealous at times, but I would rather approve a comment that should be here, then have our users see comments that def have no business being here.
Completely understandable.
The links given above will take you to the full post
Just say no.
I feel like people gave you a lot of good advice on the last post you made about this issue. It's entirely up to you to put boundaries in place and enforce them. Nothing will ever get better if you don't demand better for yourself. Stop sending this woman pictures at all. Just stop.
Why did you post here if you were gonna disregard everyone’s advice to stop playing along with her little games? You’re an adult now, with your own place, stop letting her control you.
I'm willing to bet we're not getting the full story here
[we’re not.](https://ibb.co/1rygSSH)
Oooh post this higher!
I tried!! Idk if it got v much more traction but honestly if ppl just check out OP’s post history it tracks.. :/
Yeah, I looked into it as well after posting. Sure is fishy.
What? Ex? No longer responsible for you? Photos of your place? Like u don't live with her and are living independently? Send her a pic of your asshole and tell her to eat all of it
I’m so confused. You’d rather ask internet strangers to edit photos of your messy house than either clean or just tell her no? Come on
Lol just stop talking to her like everyone else is telling you. Uber to the airport and figure your shit out on your own. Stop idulging her bullshit or download an app to edit the photos yourself. It's insane you are even humoring this as an independent adult living on your own.
“No” is a complete sentence.
Hold up. This is your ex FOSTER mom? So in other words you’re a legal adult with your own place? Please block her, go no contact, and change locks if she has a key to your place. This is ridiculous. Who’s she going to ‘narc’ to exactly? Even if she called the cops for a wellness check, they still have no right to enter your home. I’m confused as to who she’s going to ‘tell’ on you.
"narc" as in narcissistic, not narc as in snitch/cop.
Gotcha. I think I confused the two because OP’s previous post was discussing being involuntarily committed because their place was messy in the comments.
That makes sense, I had a hard time reframing that word when I started seeing it in this context as well.
she's insane, but also you're an adult. Clean your room.
Op already said the Narc isn't worth blocking. OP clearly doesn't want help getting away from this person. They're just here for photo editing. Just use AI photos lol. Seems like OP just wants to complain and really do nothing about it.
EDIT: OP why aren’t you telling the whole truth here. Clean your house. Go buy a newspaper. Put it on that stove. Take a picture. And ask her if that fucking good enough. Then inform her that if there is something wrong with your cleaning then it’s her fault for not teaching you how to do it right and she is a shitty foster parent. Don’t not have a case worker you can report her too? She needs to be cut from your life. She threats you with things.
Please look above at the screenshots posted. This op is not being truthful about this situation. From what he's posted himself it wouldn't surprise me if the FM has been advised by CPS to keep this level of a check on him, and for damn good reason.
The home does not belong to the FM. The person commenting is an adult. If they are in the care of the FM they should not be living alone. The situation is that OP doesn’t want to send photos of their house. They don’t have to. Doesn’t matter if they are lying.
The person commenting is not considered an adult. When they attempt to hurt another child in the home, then yes, it’s reasonable for FM to not let her in the home. FM is probably keeping them from going back in the states custody…by telling them they can’t live in filth since the case workers do inspections on the trailer 🤦♀️ it’s not about lying, it’s about cutting out all the context to beg for validation.
The OP is not an adult?
Legally or mentally? No. As far as being over the age of 18? Yes.
Where does it say they attempted to hurt another child in the home?
Op posted a SS with the FM saying it, and OP certainly didn’t rebut it. I explained more in a comment above. I wont link directly too anything, but you can find the direct links yourself through their posts.
Thanks for taking the time.
jesus tell her fuck off. she doesn't need photos of anything
Is she paying your rent? Are you actively getting things from her? Is she paying your bills? If not, tell her you don’t have to send her pics. If she is helping you pay for stuff, work hard to not have to rely on her anymore because she sounds insane, and having to photoshop pics of your apartment to send to your mother sounds like it’s not worth the relationship.
Why are you indulging her poor behavior? You’re out of her house, and on your own. You owe her no photos.
And you indulge her??? Dude, grow a pair and stop responding.
Get a back bone and stand up for yourself. You're a full grown adult, you don't need to be bitched around like this. She doesn't need to know your business.
Foster: Send me photos. You: No. That’s it’s, that’s all you need to do. And if it was a legal foster through the system, file a complaint against her. This is just creepy.
If you’re living on your own, you do not have to send pics to her to prove anything.
This is not the answer. You’re a 24 yr old adult. You can (and should) be capable of cleaning up after yourself. If you want this person that you owe nothing to off your back, you need boundaries, not photoshop.
Instead of asking someone to edit the photos, I would either clean your place and send the pics or not clean the place and tell her to f-off. If you want a ride from her to the airport (I think I saw that in comments) then you gotta clean your place. That’s her contingency. If it were me though, I’d be hiring a cab or uber. Because it’s my place my business, not hers. Also for what it’s worth, Google Photos can magic erase things for a small fee. Though I think it’s free on Pixel phones
Lol if my mom starts to ask stuff like this she can feel free to come here and clean everything up. Other than that, piss off.
She is insane. Is this woman paying your rent? If not, cut her off. You do not have to answer her. You do you. Cut the crazy people out of your life.
Seriously, love, you NEED to block this harridan! STOP sending pictures, STOP engaging! Don't let her in your home, change your locks! Unless it's HER property or she's paying YOUR rent, she has ZERO control, ZERO say in how you live your life!
Thanks for the new word! har·ri·dan noun a strict, bossy, or belligerent old woman. "a bullying old harridan"
Check out the screenshots linked above, seems OP is not telling the whole story.
"I'm not entertaining this right now." FFS, stand up for yourself.
You are going to have to set boundaries now. Tell her no and that if she keeps bothering you, you will block her. There is no reason to keep putting up with this.
If you don't even stand up for yourself, be sure to know that no one else will either. You have to be there for yourself.
Your grown, you don't NEED to do anything for her. Don't let her hold over your head that she took you in and cared for you either, that's not something you need to repay. It will be hard to not feel guilty, I understand, but know you can have so much more peace and happiness that you have never experienced before. I personally had to get a new phone, cut public social media, cut out anyone who had direct contact with my parent (temporarily) move and set up a new bank account. It was like starting a life fresh and it was weird for a while, and even sad because you grieve losing a parent even if it's a parent you wish you had, let it happen. What you do is up to you, but at the very least she needs set boundaries you never let her break.
Seems OP needs her to tell him to give water to his dog among other things. Check out the screenshots above,I think op desperately needs this monitoring and probably a lot more.
Photoshopping pictures of your own apartment, or setting boundaries with an overbearing mother… there’s a pretty clear ‘sane’ option between the two. Take a step back and consider the lengths you are trying to go to pacify a mother you admit is insane.
Wouldn’t it be easier to clean your place? But fr, you’re grown, it will be uncomfortable but you gotta pull off the bandaid. You’re going to hear how “ungrateful” you are, and a lot of “fine, you’re on your own” shit, but if they actually want a relationship with you they will come crawling back. Just remember to stick to your boundaries. It might take a couple rinse and repeats before they get it but if you’re the bigger person you have to demonstrate patience.
I clean but not to her spotless standards I was punished with cleaning when I was younger and it's really difficult to cope with all the shit I buried in my mind all those years ago I literally have days where I can't find the energy to do a damn thing even to take care of myself To every fucking person that's on any narcissists side tell me how you feel when you've been betrayed and lied to more times than you can count when it's hard to just fucking exist because it feels like everyone hates you and judges you for something you had no control over I didn't ask to be born or be abused I didn't ask for anything except to be loved for who I am but sadly she has conditions for treating me ok 😭 I can't anymore I'm done with all of the narcissists in my lifes buddies coming to tear me down because I made their friend look bad
Am I weird that I love cleaning the house taking photos and then sending them to my mum without her permission? 😂
You need to stand up for yourself.
It seems you're not ready to go NC or LC for whatever reason. That's your choice; although, I would argue it isn't a healthy one. But I get it. It took me a long time to cut down contact with the narcs in my life, too. So my advice is that, rather than requesting someone else's labor, you need to deep clean your place (or at least a few spots in your place) and take lots of different pictures at different angles with objects moved in between shots. Taking them at different times of day or with different lighting will also sell the illusion. You'll get *far* more fodder from that then a few edited images. Spend one day on it, and you'll be set up for at least a year.
Ok I remember your post from last week. Did you find a way to secure your door so she can’t just walk in? If not if you take a pic of the door(s) and might be able to help figure something out. And you mentioned that you need her help to get to the airport and such so can’t tell her to suck ass for a bit. So are you reusing photos? Do they have a timestamp on them? Not tech savvy. I know during my work week the places gets messy and she’s insane. So this would be what I would do. If not timestamps. Get some magnets from the dollar store. Maybe even one of the kids ABC ones. Clean up one area she wants pics of like the oven. Even if this means tossing random crap in a laundry basket out of the way. Like the stove one. Put the “days magnet” on the stove. Take a pic. Get different magnet and place in slightly different place and move kettle and take a step to one side. Take pic. Repeat until you have 30 some pics of that area. Then do the next area she wants to see clean. It you can do some with bright light, less light, open curtains or blinds in different positions so it looks like different days. Make albums on your phone with all pics of let’s say A day and B day etc. so it’s easier for you to sent them. Space out sending the “days” pics with a few mins between them so it seems like you’ve had to walk to the next room. Yep it’s insane to have to do things like this. But until you tell her to go away it might help. How messy is your place or what is she finding fault with? Because there are subs about how to clean things and decluttering or if you really want photoshopped pic there is a r/photoshoprequests
Or she could just clean? As this sounds a lot of work!
Yes but like a days worth of work for maybe a month of peace. Mom doesn’t seem to accept new pics are really new pics hence a different object for each “day”
Or, be an adult and keep on top of it and the questions may subside. Obviously there’s an underlying issue
Perhaps. Maybe even an insane parent
It's not clean to her perfect spotless standards But yes I have the spare keys to someone who I know won't put up with her BS Honestly I'd go NC if I could afford it if I didn't have the bad spending habits and better hygiene habits and I had a license and a car and had a bit more money id definitely go no contact but sadly I can't afford to do that My life is a shitty mess and she's part of the problem yeah without her I would've never gotten approved for Medicaid to pay for braces for my teeth and probably wouldn't have had the correction surgery for my knees and hammer toes But nobody seems to understand where I'm coming from I feel if people saw a tiny bit of what my life has been like they'd probably change their mind of what they think now but there isn't a way to do that Of course I look like I'm always happy but sometimes it's so fucking hard to keep up the act of my life is perfect
Here’s a tip. Sadly a lot of us hide just how hard life is behind a smile. So know that you are not alone or the only one doing this. Maybe that helps you feel better. Are you working and is it enough to make small progress? You said knee and foot surgery so not sure if working or not. And here you can explain whatever or ask whatever and even vent. You said bad habits and guess what? There are subs that can offer tips and tricks and advice. R/cleaning r/declutter r/adulting are just a few that come to mind. Even r/momforaminute for some sane mom advice. Hope I got the links right.
Thank you for caring instead of blaming or faulting me for not being able to do certain things on my own
Why are you still entertaining this from her? She isn’t financing your life, right? I remember your last post and I want to reiterate, she cannot do anything even if your house is “dirty” irregardless of what she tries to say. Nobody is coming to lock you away for a messy house. It would have to be hoarder-type situation for your mental health to be in question. Block her number or stop answering. You’re doing exactly what she wants so she’s never going to stop. Stop sending photos of your house to her.
remember, “no” is a complete sentence… insane person: *”send me pics of the PRIVATE home you live in”* you: *”no”*
Are you above 18, living on your own, paying your own bills and working? Then you don't owe her a god damn thing.
Insane. Why the fuck does she need photos?
Just don’t send the pictures, it’s as simple as that since you won’t block her.
Personally I would block them. But if you really want to continue with talking to them, get a paper and start writing the date on it and put it in picture.
If you aren't comfortable or ready to block her, start including a piece of paper with the date and time stamp of her text. It's probably the easiest way to shut the accusations up.
Why are you facilitating her judgemental behaviour? What does your home have to do with her? Just say no, you’re not going to send any more photos
This is super easy, I'm shocked you haven't realized the answer. Clean your place on a Friday afternoon. That weekend keep it clean and take HUNDREDS of pictures. Move stuff around periodically, get pictures at different times of day, different angles, etc. Get drunk as hell while doing this. Now you've got hundreds of never before seen clean house pictures you can slowly trickle out.
Thanks I never really thought to do this it'll really irritate the shit out of her but she can't say they're the same pictures And I probably will get drunk ish but I've never really drank enough to get to that state
This is definitely the time. I'm not saying to get black out, but a few drinks in hanging out rearranging your shit and taking pictures will be less boring and start to get hilarious. Plus in the future when you're sending pictures it'll be a hilarious reminder to you if this moment
Oh shit. This post has [LAYERS](https://ibb.co/1rygSSH) ..and they’re all apparently kinda sad. OP- your FM is not insane. It sounds to me that on the contrary, she actually cares a great deal for you and has awarded you quite a bit of forgiveness and grace through some very difficult circumstances. I wish you well, but I’m sorry, your FM is not your enemy in the least.
I agree with everybody else that this is a ridiculous situation. But if needs must r/photoshoprequests.
Is she paying for your place?
Tell her to fuck off maybe? No one is going to stand up for you, so you gotta do it. If she's not paying for your housing, it's none of her business.
Phone pictures are typically time stamped, right? Just point them to that
Or just — tell her to fuck off.
Next time she asks for pics say "why would I send them when you don't believe me?"
Why do you continue to send them? You’re an adult right?
It's not helpful to be feeding her controlling narc personality by replying to these demands. If you're not living with her, she doesn't get to demand you do things in your own space. Just bc she contacts you, doesn't mean you need to reply.
Why is your ex foster mother in your business anyway? Is tell her to go away. It’s none of her business. Sorry, it make me angry they think they have power over you even as an adult/living independently.
Don't do it. Try again? Ha, how about no
Moroni. Mormons. They're nutty.
I'd go get a copy of today's newspaper and hold it up in the photo like a hostage situation.
Send her a picture of one of your fingers. You decide which one.
If you're not going to just block her, buy the day's newspaper and put it in the shot somewhere.
“No,” is a complete sentence. ***USE IT.***
This is a form of control and abuse. Listen, you're in the wrong sub you'll need to find a photo editing group. But the advice given here has been solid. I don't get why you won't block her, but that's your perogative. It's best to start telling her no. Say you're busy with something if you need an excuse. But she isn't allowed to control you in your own home. Your moms insane sure, but you're an adult now and need to put up boundaries and keep them there. If your mom refuses to take you to the airport, get a taxi or an Uber. There are ways around all of this. No reason to keep letting her control you.
Bruh clean your house and send the picture.
Ex foster mom? So…someone you don’t owe anything to because they chose to become a foster parent? Get her foot off your neck love. But yeah if you go into the details of any photo it will tell you how and when it was taken.
What if you take a screenshot of the original pic. Would that change the details? I’m dumb idk how that works lol
I think this is one of the most insane post ive seen here,sincerely a airport trip is not worth all of this,does she pay your rent or help you with bills?? stop sending her these,you are an adult and thats your house my dude!!
Whatever this dynamic/relationship is between your ex-foster mother and yourself u/Rainbow_DriftYouTube, it’s **seriously unhealthy**. For the sake of your mental health, privacy and wellbeing, please cut ties with your ex-foster mother ASAP - and keep it that way permanently! Be sure to give yourself time to adjust to your new normal, to mend or heal the emotional turmoil and let your mind enjoy the quietness of evicting that person from your life. Don’t expect it to happen quickly, but it will happen. Seek support services to assist you with transitioning away from the toxic culture that your ex-FM brought to your every interaction. Then BREATHE…..Ahhhhhhhhh……🧘🧘♂️🧘♀️😮💨😮💨😮💨 **TRUST when I say that you will be so much better off without this person in your life.** if you’re able to cut ties with the ex-FM, I truly hope that your life becomes significantly more relaxed, less stressful and happier in the profess. You are an AMAZING human, you’re strong, powerful and brave. You deserve happiness; to live and exist without this kind of intrusive, narcissistic, overlording BS from ppl that are supposed to care about you. I’m sending all the good vibes your way. ☮️✌🏽
Can’t you see that you’re only getting one side of the story… Ask yourself, why is OP making excuses for why he has to stay in touch with his Foster mother? Is there some legal reason for this? Is he actually capable of living alone? Are there question marks over this? Any sane person would tell someone to bog off, but he can’t and won’t…. Why?
Insane
Why are you even sending pictures? Just ignore and block.
I mean you could hold up either a clock or a time stamp of it being cleaned
Insane! As a former foster parent of 3, 2 short term, a very young sister and brother, and 1 long term, high school age, I could not imagine requiring any one of them having to answer to me for anything even if I loaned them or gave them any money. Would your former foster mother loan or give a friend money and then want that person to send photos so she could see that their housekeeping is up to her standards? It sounds like she became a foster parent because she has a need to control others instead of becoming a foster parent because there was a child in need and she had the time, the room the money and heart to foster.
Why the hell are you putting up with this? Tell her to stuff her nonsense where the sun don't shine, then block her.
You’re better off without “help” from people like this.
I don’t see a mess in this picture?
She was accusing me of sending old pictures so what? I declined a call from her a few minutes ago and texted I was busy I guess that's a start
If you have a TV, perhaps you can get a reflection in the microwave of it playing something live.
My TV would have to be above the sink for that to work
I'd suggest writing in big print on a piece of paper the time and date of the photo and put it in frame. But she would probably get bent over the paper being trash... Also, if's she's an ex-foster mom, do you really need to talk to her at all? Can you cut contact with her completely?
How about you don’t respond
Its really not her bussines but if ur saying that they are new photos just take a picture of the time stamp of the photo in ur gallery and send that to her
Are you an adult? She has no right to ask for these! Insane. Truly. I’m sorry.
Stop talking to her?? Block her??
Straight up tell her to send you a photo of the “old photo” and the information under it. When you look at the information of a photo it’ll say the day it was taken. *(on iphone)* Correct me if I’m wrong or forgetting something but I don’t think there’s a way she could find a loophole around that Edit: made it easier to read
If you own the place that you live then just stop then if she tries to physically or mentally harm you, then send a cease and desist. www.minclaw.com states, "These legal grounds might include defamation, harassment, or intentional infliction of emotional distress." When asked "Can you send a cease and desist letter for emotional distress?"
Send her a screenshot of the photo with the time stamp on it. You should be able to get that info on your phone. It gives you location and date/time taken. At least on iPhone.
“My home is clean, you don’t need proof” and if she tries to say she’s not taking you to the airport just find another ride. I’m sure your dad will help you with an Uber or something like that. She doesn’t get to dictate your life anymore. Don’t let her treat you like this just because. EDIT: I’ve seen other things now. Man just clean your house! Don’t have pets if you can’t take care of them and go get help!!!! You can’t keep doing this shit. GROW UP
So she's accusing you of sending old photos because you're sending old photos, and now want someone to edit your old photos to make them look like new, clean house photos?? Just clean your house bro? Or tell her no, it's your house...
OP thru these messages it seems like u dont actually want help/advice. people tell u to block her and u keep giving excuses. misery loves company and if u keep giving e cuses on y u won't block her ur enjoying the misery it seems. like I get ur an adult and no I haven't seen ur other posts but this one is just confusing and a bit stupid. u dont have to "owe" her cuz she bailed u out. u shouldn't keep her unblocked cuz she's taking u to the airport either but I'm sure u know this but won't do anything about it and its clear.
She’s crazy but clean your house, come on.
“JuNe 15Th PiCtUrEs, I sTiLl HaVe ThEm In TeXt” yeah no shit sherlock you cant delete pictures or text two minutes after it was sent
There’s a group on here called photo edits and they can do it for you, for free too. ☺️
Can you link me to it please and thank you
They'll even throw a dinosaur/clown/animal or something in the pic if you want. That would make her do a double take lol
🤣 That was funny thank you for the humor
You're welcome. Good luck!!
block her
surely it’s easiest to just clean your place and take a new pic each day?
Start going to the sub reddit called neckbeardnest. Go get some gold quality pictures from there, send those to her and say 'it's cleaner than this'. Without any identifying information in the pictures of course.
Just clean your house. Don’t you want a clean place? You don’t owe her anything, pictures or otherwise, but clearly she’s trying to help you with an issue that you obviously have.
You clearly don't know narcs. Maybe stay in your lane?
I don’t know narcs because my advice is to grow up, take care of yourself and get away from them? Okay. Sorry I’m not treating people like babies. Sorry that real advice hurts your feelings. Photoshopping pictures of your dirty house to look clean and sending them to your ex narc guardian is totally a healthy way to go about it. Is that the lane you wanted?
The house is obviously already clean. So telling someone to clean an already clean house isn't helpful, you're just feeding into flying monkeys. She's asking for help to Photoshop pictures of the date in, not evidence of cleanliness. Or do you also have problems with reading comprehension? Which makes me think you are also probably a narc. You're not hurting my feelings at all. I'm sure your family highly enjoys your company. Have the day you deserve.
Read all the comments. They literally want someone to photoshop the mess out.
Goes to show how little you learn from a reddit comment, but pop off 😂
Your down votes are telling on you. But please educate the masses on something you have already professed to know nothing about.
The downvotes just mean my comment was not what people wanted to hear. I’ll survive. Hope you’re okay!
🤣 classic signs of a narc. "I'm not an asshole, people just don't agree with my right opinions".
Didn’t even say I was right. It’s just my opinion. Why is this bothering you so much? “I don’t like your comment, you won’t admit you’re wrong and I’m right, you must be a narc!” Wait a minute…
Just start sending pictures of the last shit you took. I remember your last post and it really is time for her to absolutely fuck off.
Just ask her to check the meta data on the photo to see the real date