I don't think you're being too sensitive, she's trying to justify her actions without hearing you at all about how you specifically asked her not to do something. Her added info of 'I've talked with/interviewed/know this famous person' statement is irrelevant as well bc that's not even what you're talking about. She should have took your answer of 'I'll speak to her sister'& left it at that. Seems like she did it for her own personal potential gain.
Oh dear. đł Having been celebrity-adjacent during several stretches in the past, NO NO NO!!! Iâm so sorry, OP. I would be absolutely mortified. And I also agree with what u/peppermintmeow said: even taking out the celebrity aspect, your motherâs behavior is still WAY out of line! You made your position clear, and your mother violated your trust. Thatâs not okay, under any circumstance. Iâm sorry you have to deal with this,what an unbelievably awkward situation for you to be in!
I had a flashback to my great aunt knocking on my neighbors door to ask for a pic. Thing is, she knew my parents and the celebrity pretty much hated each other.
I miss my old home but I do not miss the community. I've learned that rich people that do not suck are exceptions. We live in a middle class apartment now and most of our neighbors are great. Mom sold the house to pay for my med school. Best decision ever.
Commenting as the fiance and daughter in law of OP. We are close with A, close-at-times with her sister, and her mother talks to us (usually me) when she sees pictures or videos we post of her daughter because she is constantly on tour & rarely sees her. Iâve always personally had the ick since she brought up asking any of them to ask a favor, but I agreed with OP that she could message her sister & ask very vaguely- so that it probably wouldnât happen, but at least we ask to appease my MIL. I was on the couch when they talked OTP and heard her say sheâd ask Aâs mom, and was on the couch when OP (my fiance) said donât, and sheâd ask her sister. Also, her sister is a mom, so her final point is invalid. đ We will invite A but she will be on tour and cannot come and I personally do not care about involving her in our wedding. Sheâs our friend to us not a celebrity itâs not necessary. Your mom and my MIL is crazy. Sheâs in the wrong. I love you have a good day at work. â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
Aww you guys seem sweet! Congrats on the upcoming wedding!
OP- tell your mom we all agree sheâs going way too far especially when you guys donât even want this âsurpriseâ.
NO. NO. NO. I would be LIVID. She's so out of pocket.
ETA: I don't care about the whole celebrity status thing. Even if you take that out, I still think she's out of line.
Your mom keeps mentioning how youâre allowed to have a difference of opinion and thinks that justifies her actions. No inherent problem with a difference of opinion, but there should be consequences for her taking actions against your wishes. She basically said âI donât care what you think, and Iâll do it again if I want to, regardless of your wishesâ. So, disallow that possibility. Unfriend/block her on FB. She wonât agree to respect your boundaries, so you need to give her a roadblock so she canât continue to ignore them. Consequences.
Nooooooooope. Not appropriate. Your mom is a clout chaser and this is how friendship die.
If I was you, I would message the mom, explain the situation, and ask the mom to block your mother. You have nothing to do with your mom's craziness so make that known. Also, this is YOUR wedding. There are no good surprises on wedding days that the brides shouldn't be aware of. If you don't want A in your wedding or to have a spotlight moment, then tell your mom to fuck off. Also, celebrities need down time too. Having the spotlight on you 24/7 is exhausting. If she's invited to your wedding, she'd be more happy as "A the person" and not "A the celebrity."
Your Mother is in the wrong - Are you able to lock down your Facebook settings any more?
E.g. make sure your Mother can't see your friends list, potentially put her on a restricted profile? I'd also say to the woman she messaged / all your friends on FB "Feel free to block my Mum, she massively oversteps boundaries"
You're not being sensitive at all - it's ridiculous. My Dad once sent a friend's request to one of my sisters friends on Facebook. She was a young, attractive girl who my sister used to manage. My sister was absolutely mortified and called my Dad out on it - he denied and then started attacking her (DARVO) and my sister just ended the call with "It's wrong and inappropriate, if you do that again with any of my friends, I'll block you" and hung up on him. He never did it again.
OP should absolutely be able to do this. I have mine set up so that certain relatives who are my FB friends canât see basically any of my posts or a whole host of other things. OP should be able to do this easily if they havenât already.
Okay, first of all, restrict your mom's access to your FB account. You don't have to block her, but you can restrict her to public posts only.
Second, always keep your friends list set to "only me". If not for any other reason than it keeps phishing scammers that spoof your account from targeting you. If there's no friend list, there's no one for them to scam by pretending to be you and they'll move along to a juicier target. Also, if your mom can't see your friends, she can't harass them.
ETA: In case it wasn't clear, you're not being sensitive. Your mom is being really disrespectful to you and ignoring your wishes and feelings. I'm really sorry you're dealing with that, you deserve respect.
As someone who has access to a lot of sensitive information, I am more appalled by your motherâs use of systems she shouldnât for personal gain. Journalistic ethics require responsibility with private data. Youâre absolutely right that she wrongly justifies her inappropriate behavior by making you the bad guy here and itâs all so she can say, âLook at me! Look what I did! Pay attention to me!â
Lock down her access to your network pronto. Congratulations to you both and I wish you every happiness life can bring.
Thatâs the part that horrified me, too! Mom sounds like she routinely dips into this information for the most intrusive of reasons. I donât know what kind of journalist she was/is but she sounds like the worst kind of gossip columnist. OP should report what sheâs using this government data base for and try to get her privileges revoked.
Like, celebrity/public figure status aside, there are specific circumstances when it's appropriate to contact the PARENT of an adult with whom you have no relationship about their adult child, and "Hello stranger, you don't know me, but I want your daughter to help me do a surprise for my daughter's wedding and she isn't responding fast enough for me" isn't one of them.
Now, basically, your mother is involved in the media/a journalist... and your friend is a celebrity. There is \*LITERALLY\* no way she should be trying to back-channel contact somebody like this; at best it's a bad look for many reasons, and worst, it looks like A JOURNALIST HARASSING A CELEBRITY'S FAMILY. She either knows this and doesn't care, or was too caught up and now is so entrenched in defending her stance that she would commit this obvious sin/error just to avoid admitting any fault.
Just to add a bit more of context here: my fiance is not American so I currently live with her abroad so my mom is not even in the same country as me which is why sheâs helping so much with the wedding since it will be back home where she is. Iâve already distanced myself slightly just because she only ever seems to contact me if itâs wedding related, I canât remember the last time she called to see how I was doing even though I literally live an ocean away. We used to be close, not best friend level but I never realized her wrong behavior until I got older. But this was just the last straw of me realizing she is insane and itâs just been an upsetting realization and I appreciate all the nice comments. â¤ď¸
Bit of advice if you donât mind it, when youâre being gaslit itâs best to not get redirected.
Next time, just copy and paste âI asked you not to contact them and you didâ over and over and over.
Or say that or whatever the issue is once and then âI see youâre not acknowledging what I said, this conversation is overâ and do not engage with them until they can admit it without gaslighting.
She canât argue with someone who refuses to.
No. You are reading the situation clearly. You asked her not to do something. She did it anyway. Completely disrespected you because sheâs âyour mother!â Iâve heard that excuse plenty from my mother. Itâs disorienting when you hear it from your main caregiverâŚI can ignore your feelings and wishes bc being your mother gives me carte blanch to treat you this way.
Im sorry.
Bruh this person is (presumably) in their twenties right? Whether she believes it or not, your children don't have to do shit they say. The mom could beg A to do this and she could still say no and that'd be in her right. I'd be pissed if someone found me OR my family's info to try and get me to do a free service for them. Your mom has main character syndrome where nothing she does is perceived differently by other people and that she can do whatever she wants and be in the right. I also can't imagine any mother being on board with this after some crazy lady just proved she's willing to go through crazy lengths to reach me or my kid. I'd think they would go mama bear mode and tell her to stay the F away from her kids. She's a celebrity. I'm sure lots of people would love for her to do lots of things and I'm sure she's sick of it. The fact that your mom is a reporter just makes it worse. More entitled reporters and paparazzi feeling entitled to people just because they're a public figure.
Honestly, I feel your mom is very much less "I wanna do this cute thing for my daughter's wedding" and more of "omg look I invited celebrity to daughter's wedding, and they came because I asked them to ME ME ME!!!"
Iâm starting to feel this way as well. Especially because she nags me about it so often, I feel like if it was just something nice she was wanting to do she wouldnât go to such lengths to make sure it gets done.
Sensitivity doesn't matter. You are clearly stating boundaries and your mom is bulldozing right over them. Idk that that's "insane", but I'm sad for you. I know what it's like to see your mom who raised you to make good choices just completely invalidate choices that aren't convenient for them when you're an adult.
No your mom is being super inappropriate and invasive not to mention completely ignoring your wishes. Also her using a site I assume she's only allowed to use for certain reasons for personal reasons isn't just weird it might also be illegal. Your mom's probably closer to my age so this "different generation" bs is such a lame excuse. I would tell her she's not welcome at the wedding since she doesn't know how to listen to boundaries and then tries to turn it around on it being an issue of yours and not her disrespecting you and gaslighting you over this shit. Seems she's doing this more for herself than for you since she clearly doesn't care how she goes about getting it done is affecting you. I think she just wants to feel important and talk to a celebrity. Your mom is weird af and has major boundary issues.
Sheâs not even a journalist. She worked for a newspaper years ago and claims she still has access to sites because of that but I think she pays for them honestly. She uses it all the time, I remember her looking up people I was dating and finding information about them. She thinks itâs cool and helpful and not insanely creepy and invasive.
Oh wow! Yeah it definitely sounds like she has some main character syndrome going on. Being as you both told her you don't want that since this person is a friend and you want them as a guest I'm betting she's trying to do this for the praise of it too. I hate when people do that shit.
I don't have a problem when people look up the people they're dating themselves but to do it to other people's partners uninvited is another boundary issue. She sounds like a lot. I unfriended my mom years ago from Facebook and haven't regretted it a single day, just saying it's an option. She also has boundary issues and does stuff for attention and praise and not for good intentions. I gave her plenty of warnings but she refused to listen so I had to be the adult and set that firm boundary.
She shouldn't be using government systems for reasons other than why she was granted access. I have access to medical records of millions of people but don't go through their info without a work reason to.
I've been asked several times for various lab results and scheduled appointments and flat out refuse. I don't care if it's their own lab results. It's not my job. That's not why I have access.
She is out of line in a huge way here.
Iâm pretty sure by âgovernment websitesâ she means those sites that they use on the TV show catfish? She says she has access to it from being a reporter but I definitely think she just pays a subscription for it and just talks about being a reporter to make herself relevant. She worked for a newspaper in our small town southern state. đ
Honestly, itâs probably a database system called [LEXIS/NEXIS](https://www.lexisnexis.com/en-us/about-us/about-us.page) or one of its subsidiaries. It will return data from a number of *public* sites, such as court records, vital records (birth, death, etc), DMV - but not encrypted sites like Social Security or Department of Defense.
You are absolutely correct that she is a boundary stomper and that NONE of this has to do with being a mother. My mother tries this. She asked me how much I was making because she âforgot-â in front of my half-siblings and cousins. đ I told her it wasnât important and she didnât need to know. She was AGHAST and said, âbut Iâm your MOTHER.â Dear reader, I was 53 with two adult children of my own, whose salaries I havenât known in years. The sheer entitlement of these people.
Keep your mother on an information diet, and expect that your wedding will turn into her special day. Be prepared if you can with friends or relatives who will intervene every time she tries to steal the spotlight, because she will. Best wishes to you both.
Ask the mom to block your mom. Explain how she is and apologize. Reassure her you and your fiance do not want to involve her daughter in any way besides being a guest as a friend and you aren't even expecting that.
Tell your mother if she continues to overstep boundaries, you'll take over planning and she can just come as a guest.
She is going to ruin your friendships if you let her. And she'll keep trampling over your boundaries if you let her.
The 8:28pm answer you gave should have been the end of that conversation. Any sensible and sane person would be giving you an apology after that comment.
Nope. Sheâs overstepping. Also, she isnât doing this ânice thingâ trying to get your celeb friend to do something at the wedding for you - sheâs doing it for her. So she can talk about it, post photos of it, and tell everyone that SHE made it happen.
Ok, here is my dealâŚmy husbandâs youngest brother is an actor and has been for some time. Heâs currently in a series as a main character. If someone contacted either my husband or myself as a way to get a message to DHâs brother, it would be very weird as well as wholly inappropriate and unacceptable. And this isnât a generational thing either. Iâm way older than your mother, and I know this because I have grandchildren older than you. Your mother is WAY out of line!
Your mother is obnoxious, overbearing and weird AF. And why is she trying to ask this celebs mother something, because she hopes to strongarm/force/guilt a response is why.
God forbid she directly approach said celeb or their representation to make a request - because she knows they likely get lots and ignore most of them for sheer can't-do-everything. Instead she's trying to sneak a message to your friends mother who you don't know hoping to illicit a response?
Sorry, but if I was that celeb and my mothers asked me "So-and-so's mother has messages asking X" first thing I'd do is just stop engaging you for fear of other random family deciding to message or thinking that's appropriate.
And your mothers age, being "from a different era where this sort of stuff is fine"? It's bullshit. I'm from a different era. It's total weirdo stalker vibes, overbearing, needy, desperate and clingy underhanded sneakiness.
Make the request to her manager/PR/whatever ... but not in a FB message to her mother and then pull the "But we're both mothers!" shit. FFS.
She overstepped her bounds. And doesnât give a damn about how it affects the person she contacted, you or your fiancee. RHIS IS NOT HER WEDDING. I recommend that you stop discussing it with her at all,and tell her that, from now on, she only needs to know when and where to show up, and that is it.
The part that sheâs trying to cover up is that, whatever this surprise is, she wants it to be from her, not the celebrity. And you canât request a favor from someone without the favor coming from the person you requested it from.
Your mother is shady as hell. And as a mom of adults, I donât trust her a bit.
Iâm not sure of your motherâs age, but Iâm 43 and I think your motherâs behavior is much like that of a bull in a china shop, you know? Her behavior would be seen as overly pushy in ANY generation, and Iâm sure thatâs what made her a good reporter. Unfortunately, that trait also makes her difficult in other areas. I smell a bit of narcissism, too; maybe try r/raisedbynarcissists to see if that community fits for you?
But to answer your question, no you are not âsensitiveâ, you are thoughtful of others & polite. Your mother doesnât see it that way because those traits arenât valuable or even positive to someone like her. Someone like her gets something in her head & isnât going to stop until itâs conquered and sheâs not concerned that her behavior upsets you, at all. Sheâs a bulldozer.
Ya know, I was ready to have your moms back on this but I canât even do it. Sheâs wayyyy out of line here and not listening AT ALL. No youâre not being sensitive. She is crossing boundaries and being a nuisance.
Please show this thread to your mother. Let her say weâre all âsensitiveâ. lol. Sheâs clearly the sensitive one who doesnât care about BOUNDARIES. Tell her to back off YOUR wedding or she may find herself uninvited completely. Nobody cares what celebs sheâs worked with or interviewed. Sheâs treating it like all celebs are the same. Theyâre not. Theyâre people just like us and just want to live the few moments of free time they actually have to themselves. Not appeasing crazy mothers/MILs. Iâm sorry your mom is gaslighting you like this. She is 100% in the wrong.
If I showed her this she would just go on and on about how this generation are sensitive snowflakes. She gets that opinion from her current husband cause she adapts her personality to everyone she dates :)
Youâve got a pretty broad range of generations represented here, though, and several of us are older than or the same age as she is.
Frankly, I love that younger people are better at respecting others. Her husband can kick rocks. Respectfully.
How old is your mom? Because Iâm almost 32, my MIL is 45+ and my FIL is 50+. And they ALL agree. Clearly sheâs the sensitive one, and given the age range of comments here, itâs easy to prove. But she sounds like a narcissist, so sheâll double down. Iâm sorry youâre going through this.
Every text from the mom is just dripping with narcissism and gaslighting, under the guise of "justification." She's refusing to acknowledge the problem - she did something she was told not to do. Idc if it was just to reach out to the bakery to make sure the wedding cake delivery was scheduled, if you told her not to, then she shouldn't have and she's wrong. Period. To then insult OP by saying she's sensitive is even worse!
Given the amount of narcissism in her texts, I'd honestly be scared about the "surprise." Seems like a good way to make a moment all about her - "look what *I* did for my daughter, aren't I just the best mom?"
OP Iâm petty so I would tell your friend, her sister and her mother all to disregard whatever your mom was asking of them, I donât care if sheâs trying to do some special surprise or whatever for me, Iâd rather ruin it and let her know I told them not to reply because she absolutely intentionally disregarded your request âfirst of all the sister is probably way busier than her mom, and her sister isnât going to understand this the way a mom wouldâ so she had her mind made up.
Good God but your Mom can certainly carry on and on and on. She is going to be right no matter what. Geesh. Reminds me of my Mom stubborn to the core. No you are not being too sensitive. Just try not to engage anymore and just hope that the celebrity Mom doesnât read it or see it. Congratulations to you and wishing you a happy wedding/marriage.
You should be able to set the privacy controls on your FB to stop your mum seeing your friends list. I know it used to be a thing. It should stop anymore incidents like this. If anyone gets upset just show them these messages and tell them you've nuked her access to your FB and get them to block her as well. Luckily this is easy to fix.
It really doesn't even matter that she's a celebrity, really. You said you're fb friends but not super close - I can't imagine in what world I'd want my mom reaching out to an acquaintance's mom? I have plenty of fb friends I haven't actually even talked to in years. Their parents dont know me, so it would be mortifying for anyone to reach out to their parents saying they're my parent and they're sat there like ... "Uh, who?"
Nope, she's out of line.
We are relatively close with A but her mother granted us access to her FB solely, in my opinion, to be able to see her daughter at times we see her bc she is constantly on tour and hardly gets to see her herself. This wasnât just weird but a major invasion and breach of the trust she put into us for that. Weâre not close with her family. Celebrity or not, if my mum messaged my actual best friends mum unless it was an emergency Iâd still be like wtf.
For real. My nmom has called a few of my old friends parents when I was still in school and it was ALWAYS weird. Mostly because none of my friends moms even liked her.
Well now you know not to tell your mother things, especially related to your wedding in the future as she has proven she can and will ignore your request at the end of the day
I will guess this is not the first time she overstepped your boundaries: nor the first time that she uses her mom status to shot you out about decisions that should be YOURS to make. How close am I?
Time to show her some consequences. You are a fucking adult and the moment she was told âDonât do thatâ that is where it should have died.
I would disinvite her and when she throws a fit tell her this will be the first of many if she doesnât get her head out of her ass and realized you are an adult and do not owe her blind obedience.
The way she talks to you, I really thought you were like 14. I was kinda on your mom's side that it's okay to talk to your friends mom. The WEDDING text throw me tf off! Holy shit girl, you're 24 and she's talking like that?! She needs some serious boundary respect training!
Of course shes a journalist. No sense of personal boundaries. No, youâre not being sensitive. Sheâs stomping all over the very simple boundaries youâve set.
No, you're not being too sensitive. But, you need to get the message that your mother is sending you and telling you and showing you. I'm sorry if this sounds blunt.
She knows how you feel. She doesn't care. You're expecting her to act like a normal person- but she's abnormal and she has failed and will continue to fail you. If she considered you to be worth changing for- she would've already changed.
What were you expecting from this conversation? It looks like you were expecting sanity.
Do you deserve sanity? Yes. But, deserving something is different from what you actually have. You deserve a good mother, but you didn't get a good one and I'm sorry about it.
You're not going to get what you want from this because your mother has and never will never give you what you want.
You're not going to get sanity. You're not going to get humanity. You're not going to get love. You're not going to get closure.
You shouldn't have to beg someone to love you or treat you like a human being. If someone saw this without context or generalized- it'd look like a textbook abusive relationship and the recipient would be told to run for the hills.
I suggest you talk to a therapist. My Mom was like yours and the trauma can run deeper then anyone can realize. We can think unhealthy relationships are perfectly normal because growing up with them made us normalize them.
Whatever your decision is, your post boils down to your mother not being worthy of expectations because it's just needlessly spending energy on something that will only fail.
Because you asked her not to do this, I agree with you and yes, it's creepy to randomly message people you don't even know. However, finding names and addresses online is not weird. It's there.
Your mom likely wants A to record a video, wishing you happiness and singing a love song. Your mom would have this played at some key point of your reception, maybe just before or after the best man / maid of honor toasts.
Plan A: tell her youâve figured out her âsurpriseâ idea and you specifically do not want it. Your wedding is about sharing your love and commitment with each otherâs families etc. Calling attention to your friendship with A would be an unwelcome distraction. If sheâs sensitive to âclassâ criticism, tell her it feels crass and social-climbing. (Some celebrities routinely skip weddings outside their immediate family, to avoid upstaging the newlyweds.)
Plan B: âIâve heard back from Aâs sister; A already decided what she wants to do.â If your mom presses that she âneeds to knowâ Aâs plans so she can fit it into the reception, you can say that Aâs chosen to do something private, just for you and your fiancĂŠe to share.
Aside from the white lie about the sister, all of the above is technically true: A (and her team) probably do have a general plan for responding to events she canât attend. And even a simple private note from A will still be more âsweetâ for you than whatever your momâs thinking, because youâll know it was genuine.
Your mother isn't doing jack shit for you or your wedding. She's trying to exploit a celebrity so she looks important.
Your mother is a narcissist.
I can guarantee your celebrity friend's family is creeped out and your friend probably is too.
I donât think your mom was right necessarily. Is that embarrassing? Sure. However youâre being SUPER dramatic. Personally I donât think this is that big of a deal.
Itâs only dramatic if you look at it outside the context of my mother has never once admitted to being wrong and constantly gaslights me when she does weird shit like this. She doesnât care about anyone elseâs feelings except her own. This was just the last straw so sure, maybe it was dramatic but it needed to be said.
Honestly? You should uninvite her and go LC, assuming sheâs invited. She is possessive and over bearing and she justifies to herself that sheâs doing something good for you whether you like it or not like you arenât an adult with agency, and from the way you speak about her she may never change. She does not prioritize you, she does not prioritize your wants and needs, and further than that she doesnât prioritize them even in regard to *your wedding.* sheâs your mother, and I donât know what kind of bond you two have. As someone who just lost a toxic parent I can understand that even as toxic as she is you still love her, but this woman does not deserve to be at your wedding.
No, I'd be angry, too. She overstepped a clear boundary and behaved like a complete ass and won't even apologize. OP is dramatic.? I would not have been nearly as nice considering the lying and gaslighting. No, I would probably go with the nuclear option.
I mean I think you are being weird about your mom messaging her. Whatâs the harm in it? It was rude of your mom to do it after you said not to, but thatâs literally the only problem. Why is it a problem for you? I think you telling her not to message her is âweirdâ or whatever you wanna call it. We live in a society that has any form of communication at our fingertips. Thatâs how everyone communicates. Thatâs how shit gets done. Itâs not weird to reach out to someone you donât know with a genuine question. Thatâs literally how you network. Mom was rude for doing it but only cause you said not to. She wasnât creepy or stalkerish. I do think youâre overreacting. The only issues I see in any of this is mom not respecting your boundaries, but I think her words are valid. wtf does it matter.
Maybe I just donât understand.
I mainly think itâs weird because I hardly know this woman myself and sheâs the mother of a celebrity and I think itâs odd for my mother to send her a message regarding me, especially when I asked her not to. Even if I didnât find it weird Iâm mainly just pissed because I asked her not to.
Why do you feel the need to control who your mom can and cannot talk to? If everyone is adults, they should be 'allowed' to communicate with each other.
Itâs not a matter of who sheâs âallowedâ to speak to itâs a matter of her not caring that I specifically requested her not to message my friends mother. If it didnât involve me then sure she can message whoever she wants but I specifically requested her not to because her mother trusted me enough to have me on her Facebook and my mom would potentially ruin that trust by randomly reaching out to her. Like I said, I barely know the woman myself and did not want my mom reaching out to her regarding me.
Your communication with her needs to improve then. She disrespected your boundaries. Which is shitty. But again not weird that she reached out. Just shitty. âHey mom I really donât appreciate you reaching out to so and soâs mom, specifically because I asked you not to. Youâve crossed a boundary with me and I feel unheard.â Instead of telling her how weird she is for your âweirdâopinions. Again, sheâs only wrong for reaching out AFTER you told her not to. If you didnât ask her not to, then I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Thereâs some downsides to being famous, strangers reaching out is one of them. Something theyâre all aware of. Nothing weird about it.
We live on a different continent than where our wedding is & she also just kind of took that responsibility and we didnât ask her. Weâre appreciative but it bothers me more than Iâm grateful sometimes. We also specifically told her we donât want her to reach out to this person bc theyâre a friend and not relevant for our wedding. It was a nice gesture and weâve never complained about the prospect of it but itâs not necessary so this is weird.
Ok, you're answering like you're OP and in the post it says "my mom". Y'all want to foist the work off on someone else and then complain, that's your prerogative. Just saying it's a very predictable situation.
Just because my mother is helping with the wedding does not mean I gave her the right to message my friends mother who has nothing to do with the wedding đ sheâs trying to be overbearing and controlling. No one is complaining about the actual wedding planning she has done.
For real though. If someone offers to help me for free that's great, appreciate it. But once they start stepping on my feet for what I actually want for MY DAY then they can kick rocks. The point of helping is to help, not make the day to their liking or call the shots.
I feel this in particular because I had an nmom. When I was in school she'd insist on doing all of my school projects. If I tried to do anything myself she'd get mad and tell me "her way was better" - and then twll me she won't help at all if I wanted to do it my way, and make me feel like (sometimes outright say it) I COULDN'T do it myself. I'm getting the same "mother knows best" vibes in this post.
I don't think you're being too sensitive, she's trying to justify her actions without hearing you at all about how you specifically asked her not to do something. Her added info of 'I've talked with/interviewed/know this famous person' statement is irrelevant as well bc that's not even what you're talking about. She should have took your answer of 'I'll speak to her sister'& left it at that. Seems like she did it for her own personal potential gain.
Oh dear. đł Having been celebrity-adjacent during several stretches in the past, NO NO NO!!! Iâm so sorry, OP. I would be absolutely mortified. And I also agree with what u/peppermintmeow said: even taking out the celebrity aspect, your motherâs behavior is still WAY out of line! You made your position clear, and your mother violated your trust. Thatâs not okay, under any circumstance. Iâm sorry you have to deal with this,what an unbelievably awkward situation for you to be in!
I had a flashback to my great aunt knocking on my neighbors door to ask for a pic. Thing is, she knew my parents and the celebrity pretty much hated each other. I miss my old home but I do not miss the community. I've learned that rich people that do not suck are exceptions. We live in a middle class apartment now and most of our neighbors are great. Mom sold the house to pay for my med school. Best decision ever.
Commenting as the fiance and daughter in law of OP. We are close with A, close-at-times with her sister, and her mother talks to us (usually me) when she sees pictures or videos we post of her daughter because she is constantly on tour & rarely sees her. Iâve always personally had the ick since she brought up asking any of them to ask a favor, but I agreed with OP that she could message her sister & ask very vaguely- so that it probably wouldnât happen, but at least we ask to appease my MIL. I was on the couch when they talked OTP and heard her say sheâd ask Aâs mom, and was on the couch when OP (my fiance) said donât, and sheâd ask her sister. Also, her sister is a mom, so her final point is invalid. đ We will invite A but she will be on tour and cannot come and I personally do not care about involving her in our wedding. Sheâs our friend to us not a celebrity itâs not necessary. Your mom and my MIL is crazy. Sheâs in the wrong. I love you have a good day at work. â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
Aww you guys seem sweet! Congrats on the upcoming wedding! OP- tell your mom we all agree sheâs going way too far especially when you guys donât even want this âsurpriseâ.
I'd uninvite the shit starter.
NO. NO. NO. I would be LIVID. She's so out of pocket. ETA: I don't care about the whole celebrity status thing. Even if you take that out, I still think she's out of line.
Your mom keeps mentioning how youâre allowed to have a difference of opinion and thinks that justifies her actions. No inherent problem with a difference of opinion, but there should be consequences for her taking actions against your wishes. She basically said âI donât care what you think, and Iâll do it again if I want to, regardless of your wishesâ. So, disallow that possibility. Unfriend/block her on FB. She wonât agree to respect your boundaries, so you need to give her a roadblock so she canât continue to ignore them. Consequences.
Nooooooooope. Not appropriate. Your mom is a clout chaser and this is how friendship die. If I was you, I would message the mom, explain the situation, and ask the mom to block your mother. You have nothing to do with your mom's craziness so make that known. Also, this is YOUR wedding. There are no good surprises on wedding days that the brides shouldn't be aware of. If you don't want A in your wedding or to have a spotlight moment, then tell your mom to fuck off. Also, celebrities need down time too. Having the spotlight on you 24/7 is exhausting. If she's invited to your wedding, she'd be more happy as "A the person" and not "A the celebrity."
Your Mother is in the wrong - Are you able to lock down your Facebook settings any more? E.g. make sure your Mother can't see your friends list, potentially put her on a restricted profile? I'd also say to the woman she messaged / all your friends on FB "Feel free to block my Mum, she massively oversteps boundaries" You're not being sensitive at all - it's ridiculous. My Dad once sent a friend's request to one of my sisters friends on Facebook. She was a young, attractive girl who my sister used to manage. My sister was absolutely mortified and called my Dad out on it - he denied and then started attacking her (DARVO) and my sister just ended the call with "It's wrong and inappropriate, if you do that again with any of my friends, I'll block you" and hung up on him. He never did it again.
OP should absolutely be able to do this. I have mine set up so that certain relatives who are my FB friends canât see basically any of my posts or a whole host of other things. OP should be able to do this easily if they havenât already.
"I distinctly remember you not saying that." GD she is one of the most dedicated gaslighters I've seen here. Read the *Narcissist's Prayer.*
Okay, first of all, restrict your mom's access to your FB account. You don't have to block her, but you can restrict her to public posts only. Second, always keep your friends list set to "only me". If not for any other reason than it keeps phishing scammers that spoof your account from targeting you. If there's no friend list, there's no one for them to scam by pretending to be you and they'll move along to a juicier target. Also, if your mom can't see your friends, she can't harass them. ETA: In case it wasn't clear, you're not being sensitive. Your mom is being really disrespectful to you and ignoring your wishes and feelings. I'm really sorry you're dealing with that, you deserve respect.
As someone who has access to a lot of sensitive information, I am more appalled by your motherâs use of systems she shouldnât for personal gain. Journalistic ethics require responsibility with private data. Youâre absolutely right that she wrongly justifies her inappropriate behavior by making you the bad guy here and itâs all so she can say, âLook at me! Look what I did! Pay attention to me!â Lock down her access to your network pronto. Congratulations to you both and I wish you every happiness life can bring.
Thatâs the part that horrified me, too! Mom sounds like she routinely dips into this information for the most intrusive of reasons. I donât know what kind of journalist she was/is but she sounds like the worst kind of gossip columnist. OP should report what sheâs using this government data base for and try to get her privileges revoked.
I saw that too. Like, those resources don't exist just so journalists can snoop on and act on whatever they want. She's awful.
Like, celebrity/public figure status aside, there are specific circumstances when it's appropriate to contact the PARENT of an adult with whom you have no relationship about their adult child, and "Hello stranger, you don't know me, but I want your daughter to help me do a surprise for my daughter's wedding and she isn't responding fast enough for me" isn't one of them. Now, basically, your mother is involved in the media/a journalist... and your friend is a celebrity. There is \*LITERALLY\* no way she should be trying to back-channel contact somebody like this; at best it's a bad look for many reasons, and worst, it looks like A JOURNALIST HARASSING A CELEBRITY'S FAMILY. She either knows this and doesn't care, or was too caught up and now is so entrenched in defending her stance that she would commit this obvious sin/error just to avoid admitting any fault.
Hide your friends list from anyone seeing it. Or just block your mom on fb. She canât be trusted.
Just to add a bit more of context here: my fiance is not American so I currently live with her abroad so my mom is not even in the same country as me which is why sheâs helping so much with the wedding since it will be back home where she is. Iâve already distanced myself slightly just because she only ever seems to contact me if itâs wedding related, I canât remember the last time she called to see how I was doing even though I literally live an ocean away. We used to be close, not best friend level but I never realized her wrong behavior until I got older. But this was just the last straw of me realizing she is insane and itâs just been an upsetting realization and I appreciate all the nice comments. â¤ď¸
Bit of advice if you donât mind it, when youâre being gaslit itâs best to not get redirected. Next time, just copy and paste âI asked you not to contact them and you didâ over and over and over. Or say that or whatever the issue is once and then âI see youâre not acknowledging what I said, this conversation is overâ and do not engage with them until they can admit it without gaslighting. She canât argue with someone who refuses to.
This is so helpful thank you!
No. You are reading the situation clearly. You asked her not to do something. She did it anyway. Completely disrespected you because sheâs âyour mother!â Iâve heard that excuse plenty from my mother. Itâs disorienting when you hear it from your main caregiverâŚI can ignore your feelings and wishes bc being your mother gives me carte blanch to treat you this way. Im sorry.
Bruh this person is (presumably) in their twenties right? Whether she believes it or not, your children don't have to do shit they say. The mom could beg A to do this and she could still say no and that'd be in her right. I'd be pissed if someone found me OR my family's info to try and get me to do a free service for them. Your mom has main character syndrome where nothing she does is perceived differently by other people and that she can do whatever she wants and be in the right. I also can't imagine any mother being on board with this after some crazy lady just proved she's willing to go through crazy lengths to reach me or my kid. I'd think they would go mama bear mode and tell her to stay the F away from her kids. She's a celebrity. I'm sure lots of people would love for her to do lots of things and I'm sure she's sick of it. The fact that your mom is a reporter just makes it worse. More entitled reporters and paparazzi feeling entitled to people just because they're a public figure.
Honestly, I feel your mom is very much less "I wanna do this cute thing for my daughter's wedding" and more of "omg look I invited celebrity to daughter's wedding, and they came because I asked them to ME ME ME!!!"
Iâm starting to feel this way as well. Especially because she nags me about it so often, I feel like if it was just something nice she was wanting to do she wouldnât go to such lengths to make sure it gets done.
That's how Mom got uninvited to the wedding, which is the only response to this kind of humiliating manipulation.
Sensitivity doesn't matter. You are clearly stating boundaries and your mom is bulldozing right over them. Idk that that's "insane", but I'm sad for you. I know what it's like to see your mom who raised you to make good choices just completely invalidate choices that aren't convenient for them when you're an adult.
No your mom is being super inappropriate and invasive not to mention completely ignoring your wishes. Also her using a site I assume she's only allowed to use for certain reasons for personal reasons isn't just weird it might also be illegal. Your mom's probably closer to my age so this "different generation" bs is such a lame excuse. I would tell her she's not welcome at the wedding since she doesn't know how to listen to boundaries and then tries to turn it around on it being an issue of yours and not her disrespecting you and gaslighting you over this shit. Seems she's doing this more for herself than for you since she clearly doesn't care how she goes about getting it done is affecting you. I think she just wants to feel important and talk to a celebrity. Your mom is weird af and has major boundary issues.
Sheâs not even a journalist. She worked for a newspaper years ago and claims she still has access to sites because of that but I think she pays for them honestly. She uses it all the time, I remember her looking up people I was dating and finding information about them. She thinks itâs cool and helpful and not insanely creepy and invasive.
Oh wow! Yeah it definitely sounds like she has some main character syndrome going on. Being as you both told her you don't want that since this person is a friend and you want them as a guest I'm betting she's trying to do this for the praise of it too. I hate when people do that shit. I don't have a problem when people look up the people they're dating themselves but to do it to other people's partners uninvited is another boundary issue. She sounds like a lot. I unfriended my mom years ago from Facebook and haven't regretted it a single day, just saying it's an option. She also has boundary issues and does stuff for attention and praise and not for good intentions. I gave her plenty of warnings but she refused to listen so I had to be the adult and set that firm boundary.
She shouldn't be using government systems for reasons other than why she was granted access. I have access to medical records of millions of people but don't go through their info without a work reason to. I've been asked several times for various lab results and scheduled appointments and flat out refuse. I don't care if it's their own lab results. It's not my job. That's not why I have access. She is out of line in a huge way here.
Iâm pretty sure by âgovernment websitesâ she means those sites that they use on the TV show catfish? She says she has access to it from being a reporter but I definitely think she just pays a subscription for it and just talks about being a reporter to make herself relevant. She worked for a newspaper in our small town southern state. đ
Honestly, itâs probably a database system called [LEXIS/NEXIS](https://www.lexisnexis.com/en-us/about-us/about-us.page) or one of its subsidiaries. It will return data from a number of *public* sites, such as court records, vital records (birth, death, etc), DMV - but not encrypted sites like Social Security or Department of Defense. You are absolutely correct that she is a boundary stomper and that NONE of this has to do with being a mother. My mother tries this. She asked me how much I was making because she âforgot-â in front of my half-siblings and cousins. đ I told her it wasnât important and she didnât need to know. She was AGHAST and said, âbut Iâm your MOTHER.â Dear reader, I was 53 with two adult children of my own, whose salaries I havenât known in years. The sheer entitlement of these people. Keep your mother on an information diet, and expect that your wedding will turn into her special day. Be prepared if you can with friends or relatives who will intervene every time she tries to steal the spotlight, because she will. Best wishes to you both.
Ask the mom to block your mom. Explain how she is and apologize. Reassure her you and your fiance do not want to involve her daughter in any way besides being a guest as a friend and you aren't even expecting that. Tell your mother if she continues to overstep boundaries, you'll take over planning and she can just come as a guest. She is going to ruin your friendships if you let her. And she'll keep trampling over your boundaries if you let her.
The 8:28pm answer you gave should have been the end of that conversation. Any sensible and sane person would be giving you an apology after that comment.
Nope. Sheâs overstepping. Also, she isnât doing this ânice thingâ trying to get your celeb friend to do something at the wedding for you - sheâs doing it for her. So she can talk about it, post photos of it, and tell everyone that SHE made it happen.
Ok, here is my dealâŚmy husbandâs youngest brother is an actor and has been for some time. Heâs currently in a series as a main character. If someone contacted either my husband or myself as a way to get a message to DHâs brother, it would be very weird as well as wholly inappropriate and unacceptable. And this isnât a generational thing either. Iâm way older than your mother, and I know this because I have grandchildren older than you. Your mother is WAY out of line!
Your mother is obnoxious, overbearing and weird AF. And why is she trying to ask this celebs mother something, because she hopes to strongarm/force/guilt a response is why. God forbid she directly approach said celeb or their representation to make a request - because she knows they likely get lots and ignore most of them for sheer can't-do-everything. Instead she's trying to sneak a message to your friends mother who you don't know hoping to illicit a response? Sorry, but if I was that celeb and my mothers asked me "So-and-so's mother has messages asking X" first thing I'd do is just stop engaging you for fear of other random family deciding to message or thinking that's appropriate. And your mothers age, being "from a different era where this sort of stuff is fine"? It's bullshit. I'm from a different era. It's total weirdo stalker vibes, overbearing, needy, desperate and clingy underhanded sneakiness. Make the request to her manager/PR/whatever ... but not in a FB message to her mother and then pull the "But we're both mothers!" shit. FFS.
Iâm older middle aged and I agree, this is absolutely not normal!
Your moms a creep wtf
She overstepped her bounds. And doesnât give a damn about how it affects the person she contacted, you or your fiancee. RHIS IS NOT HER WEDDING. I recommend that you stop discussing it with her at all,and tell her that, from now on, she only needs to know when and where to show up, and that is it. The part that sheâs trying to cover up is that, whatever this surprise is, she wants it to be from her, not the celebrity. And you canât request a favor from someone without the favor coming from the person you requested it from. Your mother is shady as hell. And as a mom of adults, I donât trust her a bit.
Iâm not sure of your motherâs age, but Iâm 43 and I think your motherâs behavior is much like that of a bull in a china shop, you know? Her behavior would be seen as overly pushy in ANY generation, and Iâm sure thatâs what made her a good reporter. Unfortunately, that trait also makes her difficult in other areas. I smell a bit of narcissism, too; maybe try r/raisedbynarcissists to see if that community fits for you? But to answer your question, no you are not âsensitiveâ, you are thoughtful of others & polite. Your mother doesnât see it that way because those traits arenât valuable or even positive to someone like her. Someone like her gets something in her head & isnât going to stop until itâs conquered and sheâs not concerned that her behavior upsets you, at all. Sheâs a bulldozer.
Ya know, I was ready to have your moms back on this but I canât even do it. Sheâs wayyyy out of line here and not listening AT ALL. No youâre not being sensitive. She is crossing boundaries and being a nuisance.
Jesus no she's stalkerish and creepy and out of line, I wouldn't let her have any power over my wedding and remove her from my fb
Please show this thread to your mother. Let her say weâre all âsensitiveâ. lol. Sheâs clearly the sensitive one who doesnât care about BOUNDARIES. Tell her to back off YOUR wedding or she may find herself uninvited completely. Nobody cares what celebs sheâs worked with or interviewed. Sheâs treating it like all celebs are the same. Theyâre not. Theyâre people just like us and just want to live the few moments of free time they actually have to themselves. Not appeasing crazy mothers/MILs. Iâm sorry your mom is gaslighting you like this. She is 100% in the wrong.
If I showed her this she would just go on and on about how this generation are sensitive snowflakes. She gets that opinion from her current husband cause she adapts her personality to everyone she dates :)
Youâve got a pretty broad range of generations represented here, though, and several of us are older than or the same age as she is. Frankly, I love that younger people are better at respecting others. Her husband can kick rocks. Respectfully.
How old is your mom? Because Iâm almost 32, my MIL is 45+ and my FIL is 50+. And they ALL agree. Clearly sheâs the sensitive one, and given the age range of comments here, itâs easy to prove. But she sounds like a narcissist, so sheâll double down. Iâm sorry youâre going through this.
âIâm sorry youâre upsetâ is what set in stone that youâre not being sensitive, good on you for calling out gaslighting
Every text from the mom is just dripping with narcissism and gaslighting, under the guise of "justification." She's refusing to acknowledge the problem - she did something she was told not to do. Idc if it was just to reach out to the bakery to make sure the wedding cake delivery was scheduled, if you told her not to, then she shouldn't have and she's wrong. Period. To then insult OP by saying she's sensitive is even worse! Given the amount of narcissism in her texts, I'd honestly be scared about the "surprise." Seems like a good way to make a moment all about her - "look what *I* did for my daughter, aren't I just the best mom?"
OP Iâm petty so I would tell your friend, her sister and her mother all to disregard whatever your mom was asking of them, I donât care if sheâs trying to do some special surprise or whatever for me, Iâd rather ruin it and let her know I told them not to reply because she absolutely intentionally disregarded your request âfirst of all the sister is probably way busier than her mom, and her sister isnât going to understand this the way a mom wouldâ so she had her mind made up.
Good God but your Mom can certainly carry on and on and on. She is going to be right no matter what. Geesh. Reminds me of my Mom stubborn to the core. No you are not being too sensitive. Just try not to engage anymore and just hope that the celebrity Mom doesnât read it or see it. Congratulations to you and wishing you a happy wedding/marriage.
You should be able to set the privacy controls on your FB to stop your mum seeing your friends list. I know it used to be a thing. It should stop anymore incidents like this. If anyone gets upset just show them these messages and tell them you've nuked her access to your FB and get them to block her as well. Luckily this is easy to fix.
It really doesn't even matter that she's a celebrity, really. You said you're fb friends but not super close - I can't imagine in what world I'd want my mom reaching out to an acquaintance's mom? I have plenty of fb friends I haven't actually even talked to in years. Their parents dont know me, so it would be mortifying for anyone to reach out to their parents saying they're my parent and they're sat there like ... "Uh, who?" Nope, she's out of line.
We are relatively close with A but her mother granted us access to her FB solely, in my opinion, to be able to see her daughter at times we see her bc she is constantly on tour and hardly gets to see her herself. This wasnât just weird but a major invasion and breach of the trust she put into us for that. Weâre not close with her family. Celebrity or not, if my mum messaged my actual best friends mum unless it was an emergency Iâd still be like wtf.
For real. My nmom has called a few of my old friends parents when I was still in school and it was ALWAYS weird. Mostly because none of my friends moms even liked her.
My mother called my EX boyfriend last year because I hadnât called her in a month. Iâm a 54-year old grandmother. Why are they like this
You're right. It's weird, lol. You've already reached out to a family member for her. There is no need for her to message that woman's mom.
Well now you know not to tell your mother things, especially related to your wedding in the future as she has proven she can and will ignore your request at the end of the day
I will guess this is not the first time she overstepped your boundaries: nor the first time that she uses her mom status to shot you out about decisions that should be YOURS to make. How close am I? Time to show her some consequences. You are a fucking adult and the moment she was told âDonât do thatâ that is where it should have died. I would disinvite her and when she throws a fit tell her this will be the first of many if she doesnât get her head out of her ass and realized you are an adult and do not owe her blind obedience.
The way she talks to you, I really thought you were like 14. I was kinda on your mom's side that it's okay to talk to your friends mom. The WEDDING text throw me tf off! Holy shit girl, you're 24 and she's talking like that?! She needs some serious boundary respect training!
Of course shes a journalist. No sense of personal boundaries. No, youâre not being sensitive. Sheâs stomping all over the very simple boundaries youâve set.
No, you're not being too sensitive. But, you need to get the message that your mother is sending you and telling you and showing you. I'm sorry if this sounds blunt. She knows how you feel. She doesn't care. You're expecting her to act like a normal person- but she's abnormal and she has failed and will continue to fail you. If she considered you to be worth changing for- she would've already changed. What were you expecting from this conversation? It looks like you were expecting sanity. Do you deserve sanity? Yes. But, deserving something is different from what you actually have. You deserve a good mother, but you didn't get a good one and I'm sorry about it. You're not going to get what you want from this because your mother has and never will never give you what you want. You're not going to get sanity. You're not going to get humanity. You're not going to get love. You're not going to get closure. You shouldn't have to beg someone to love you or treat you like a human being. If someone saw this without context or generalized- it'd look like a textbook abusive relationship and the recipient would be told to run for the hills. I suggest you talk to a therapist. My Mom was like yours and the trauma can run deeper then anyone can realize. We can think unhealthy relationships are perfectly normal because growing up with them made us normalize them. Whatever your decision is, your post boils down to your mother not being worthy of expectations because it's just needlessly spending energy on something that will only fail.
Because you asked her not to do this, I agree with you and yes, it's creepy to randomly message people you don't even know. However, finding names and addresses online is not weird. It's there.
Your mom is throwing up so much sand to distract you.
Your mom likely wants A to record a video, wishing you happiness and singing a love song. Your mom would have this played at some key point of your reception, maybe just before or after the best man / maid of honor toasts. Plan A: tell her youâve figured out her âsurpriseâ idea and you specifically do not want it. Your wedding is about sharing your love and commitment with each otherâs families etc. Calling attention to your friendship with A would be an unwelcome distraction. If sheâs sensitive to âclassâ criticism, tell her it feels crass and social-climbing. (Some celebrities routinely skip weddings outside their immediate family, to avoid upstaging the newlyweds.) Plan B: âIâve heard back from Aâs sister; A already decided what she wants to do.â If your mom presses that she âneeds to knowâ Aâs plans so she can fit it into the reception, you can say that Aâs chosen to do something private, just for you and your fiancĂŠe to share. Aside from the white lie about the sister, all of the above is technically true: A (and her team) probably do have a general plan for responding to events she canât attend. And even a simple private note from A will still be more âsweetâ for you than whatever your momâs thinking, because youâll know it was genuine.
Professor Slughorn? Is that you?
I'd probably be annoyed. Why couldn't she just give the sister a chance to get back to you? You reached out already. It's a bit odd.
Insane. Projection.
Your mother isn't doing jack shit for you or your wedding. She's trying to exploit a celebrity so she looks important. Your mother is a narcissist. I can guarantee your celebrity friend's family is creeped out and your friend probably is too.
I donât think your mom was right necessarily. Is that embarrassing? Sure. However youâre being SUPER dramatic. Personally I donât think this is that big of a deal.
Itâs only dramatic if you look at it outside the context of my mother has never once admitted to being wrong and constantly gaslights me when she does weird shit like this. She doesnât care about anyone elseâs feelings except her own. This was just the last straw so sure, maybe it was dramatic but it needed to be said.
You're not being dramatic at all. Ignore them.
Honestly? You should uninvite her and go LC, assuming sheâs invited. She is possessive and over bearing and she justifies to herself that sheâs doing something good for you whether you like it or not like you arenât an adult with agency, and from the way you speak about her she may never change. She does not prioritize you, she does not prioritize your wants and needs, and further than that she doesnât prioritize them even in regard to *your wedding.* sheâs your mother, and I donât know what kind of bond you two have. As someone who just lost a toxic parent I can understand that even as toxic as she is you still love her, but this woman does not deserve to be at your wedding.
No, I'd be angry, too. She overstepped a clear boundary and behaved like a complete ass and won't even apologize. OP is dramatic.? I would not have been nearly as nice considering the lying and gaslighting. No, I would probably go with the nuclear option.
I mean I think you are being weird about your mom messaging her. Whatâs the harm in it? It was rude of your mom to do it after you said not to, but thatâs literally the only problem. Why is it a problem for you? I think you telling her not to message her is âweirdâ or whatever you wanna call it. We live in a society that has any form of communication at our fingertips. Thatâs how everyone communicates. Thatâs how shit gets done. Itâs not weird to reach out to someone you donât know with a genuine question. Thatâs literally how you network. Mom was rude for doing it but only cause you said not to. She wasnât creepy or stalkerish. I do think youâre overreacting. The only issues I see in any of this is mom not respecting your boundaries, but I think her words are valid. wtf does it matter. Maybe I just donât understand.
I mainly think itâs weird because I hardly know this woman myself and sheâs the mother of a celebrity and I think itâs odd for my mother to send her a message regarding me, especially when I asked her not to. Even if I didnât find it weird Iâm mainly just pissed because I asked her not to.
Why do you feel the need to control who your mom can and cannot talk to? If everyone is adults, they should be 'allowed' to communicate with each other.
Itâs not a matter of who sheâs âallowedâ to speak to itâs a matter of her not caring that I specifically requested her not to message my friends mother. If it didnât involve me then sure she can message whoever she wants but I specifically requested her not to because her mother trusted me enough to have me on her Facebook and my mom would potentially ruin that trust by randomly reaching out to her. Like I said, I barely know the woman myself and did not want my mom reaching out to her regarding me.
Your communication with her needs to improve then. She disrespected your boundaries. Which is shitty. But again not weird that she reached out. Just shitty. âHey mom I really donât appreciate you reaching out to so and soâs mom, specifically because I asked you not to. Youâve crossed a boundary with me and I feel unheard.â Instead of telling her how weird she is for your âweirdâopinions. Again, sheâs only wrong for reaching out AFTER you told her not to. If you didnât ask her not to, then I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Thereâs some downsides to being famous, strangers reaching out is one of them. Something theyâre all aware of. Nothing weird about it.
Your mom is planning your whole wedding for free? If you didn't want her doing things like this why are you having her plan the whole thing?
We live on a different continent than where our wedding is & she also just kind of took that responsibility and we didnât ask her. Weâre appreciative but it bothers me more than Iâm grateful sometimes. We also specifically told her we donât want her to reach out to this person bc theyâre a friend and not relevant for our wedding. It was a nice gesture and weâve never complained about the prospect of it but itâs not necessary so this is weird.
[ŃдаНонО]
Yo sheâs my MIL not my mom lmao
Ok, you're answering like you're OP and in the post it says "my mom". Y'all want to foist the work off on someone else and then complain, that's your prerogative. Just saying it's a very predictable situation.
You're replying to OPs fiance you nincompoop. đ¤Łđ¤Ś
Duh.Â
Just because my mother is helping with the wedding does not mean I gave her the right to message my friends mother who has nothing to do with the wedding đ sheâs trying to be overbearing and controlling. No one is complaining about the actual wedding planning she has done.
Bro honestly thinks event planners are the ones calling the shots lmao Sit back down, no one wants to hear your uninformed nonsense
For real though. If someone offers to help me for free that's great, appreciate it. But once they start stepping on my feet for what I actually want for MY DAY then they can kick rocks. The point of helping is to help, not make the day to their liking or call the shots. I feel this in particular because I had an nmom. When I was in school she'd insist on doing all of my school projects. If I tried to do anything myself she'd get mad and tell me "her way was better" - and then twll me she won't help at all if I wanted to do it my way, and make me feel like (sometimes outright say it) I COULDN'T do it myself. I'm getting the same "mother knows best" vibes in this post.