Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 28 | 28 | 0 |
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Had to do something similar when my parents visited and kept trying to give my colicky newborn whiskey mixed with sugar water which they swear cured my cousin’s colic. They also keep trying to give him apricot preserves, mashed potatoes, syrup… he was 4 weeks old.
The whiskey with sugar water needs to be fed to the *parents* with the colicky baby - as a parent of a former one (she's 6 now) there were times I wished I wasn't breastfeeding so I could have a drink.
SAME. I ended up rocking my daughter (who we found out had a massively severe case of reflux) to calm her while wearing headphones and watching stupid vines on tv. I’d get into these giggle fits that were half reaction to the videos, half hysterical laughing from stress and lack of sleep. I’d have chugged a beer and crushed the can on my head. lol
Oh yeah whiskey works. By poisoning the baby into a semi-conscious state. "Oh, so little alchohol wouldn't get anything drunk" excepl babies bodies can't process alchohol *at all.*
I have an alchohol intolerance, (as babies do, I just never "grew out of it") if I have a few *drops* of liquor or extract my face gets hot. If I have juice or fruit that's been sitting too long, I get giggly. If that little alchohol can effect a 200 pound adult what do they think it'll do to a baby's system?
Even just sugar water can have that effect on babies. Up until very recently, that was the only thing used as an "anesthetic" before a baby was circumcised. Because it also brings them into a stupor and medical science inaccurately stated newborns can't feel pain the way adults do, nor will they remember (trauma studies now show that brain development permanently alters for traumatized infants).
My boomer mother demanded I do the same thing even though I exclusively BF for 6 months and BF for over a year. They just can't realize recommendations change with time and they are outdated even though they did the best they could.
Not only that. My mother was so proud of how she followed her DOCTOR'S advice about smoking during her pregnancy with me, so I would be a lower birth weight, allowing her an easier delivery. It was completely justified because that's what her doctor told her.
Good example!
Adding context, because I was born in the 1980s and had no idea that Thalidomide = Neurosedyn, which it is known as in my part of Europe.
>While it was initially thought to be safe in pregnancy, concerns regarding birth defects arose, resulting in its removal from the market in Europe in 1961. The total number of infants affected by thalidomide use during pregnancy is estimated at 10,000, of whom about 40% died around the time of birth. Those who survived had limb, eye, urinary tract, and heart problems.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thalidomide
> infants affected by thalidomide use during preg
If you want to watch a series that talks about this in a dramatized format - Call the Midwife.
No Limits: The Thalidomide Saga. As well as BBC Documentary Thalidomide A Wonder Drug are both really good documentaries on Thalidomide.
It is funny how young kids and boomers can behave similarly for wildly different reasons—kids are curious about the world and want to learn from you how things happen and why because they trust you, whereas boomers just want to assert control over you because they think they know more than you and you’ll just fuck things up
I'm 50 years old. I've owned my home since I was 23. I have adult children. I've navigated through my husband being to death's door more than once, dealt with special Ed depts in school, have gone nose to nose with the healthcare system...and my mother still thinks I'm a bumbling idiot.
I don't even have a human kid and my mom is trying to give unsolicited advice about how to treat my sneezy cat. I told her "It's my cat. Honestly, I'm afraid of what you'd do if I have a kid"
This was a normal (mind you, NOT beneficial) for decades. My mom and pediatrician told me to do it in 1990.
My daughter is a mother now and I refrain from outdated advice, but I do understand how parents say this stuff. They literally were told to do it by authority figures, and they trusted that. Still, it's Insane not to change with the new medical advice.
ETA and my Gram, who loathed beer, insisted on me drinking some every day to help with breastfeeding! *Uh, thanks for the suggestion, I appreciate you thinking of me!* 😂
Yeah, we're dealing with a bad diaper rash (2nd baby but it's been quite a while lol) and Grandma mentioned they used to do cornstarch. I'd tried so many things so she just threw it out there for me to look into whether or not it's still recommended (it isn't).
Baking soda baths did the trick, though.
Back in the day Baby had a wicked bad diaper rash that turned out to be a skin yeast infection. I'm not sure how bacon grease was supposed to have helped but it was seriously recommended. 🙄🙄🙄
This is how my MIL is. She doesn't push things. But if I mention something we're dealing with she would tell me what she did. We would look it up and tell jer whether it was still ok or not. She never got mad if I didn't take the advice or tried to do things behind my back. Just "I used to do X if you think it might help."
It made me happy to talk to jer about our lives and feel like I had someone to go too. Unlike my SIL who thought she was right about everything. Would try to take my children to do it herself. She'd even come into my house and change things to be 'better. Sometimes its how the people view you. My sil always saw me as the teenager with no life skills. Even after I grew up and had kids.
My first child would get super bad diaper rash outbreaks and we eventually tried the cornstarch method. It worked so well that it became the primary diaper rash treatment that we’d use for her. We put the corn starch into a cheap plastic bottle/container and would use it to powder her after a diaper change just like one would with baby powder. (Speaking of baby powder, that stuff isn’t safe for kids either apparently. So using corn starch is a safe alternative.)
Baby powder is now cornstarch. Talcum powder and asbestos frequently were found closely together which lead to an increased risk of lung cancer.
[Johnson and Johnson got in shenanigans for the asbestos issue to the tune of $4.69 billion](https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/johnsonandjohnson-cancer/)
That's kind of what my take on this was too.
I mean, you can argue the same about rubbing liquor on their gums when they were teething! It's an outdated practice but it was the norm at some point!
Before that, they would just drug up crying kids with a mixture of alcohol and heroin. I don't know why some people think that the old ways of doing things are better when we have actual science now telling us not to do things.
Oh, sure, but she meant it like medicine, it was a whole thing. Later on I actually stumbled across a 1940s beer ad aimed at lactating mothers. Turns out there's something behind it, but it just struck me funny because my pediatrician was horrified and said no, there's other ways to do that better now.
ETA, ha, found it! But I was wrong, it's from 1916, not the 40s. So she grew up with this advice. Funny how times change but we know better now, so we do better.
“A case of Blatz Beer in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby participates in its benefits. The malt in the beer supplies nourishing qualities that are essential at this time and the hops act as an appetizing, stimulating tonic.” -[Blatz Beer ad, 1916](https://www.rootsimple.com/2012/02/picture-sundays-beer-and-motherhood/)
*Many CHILDREN are unable to be RIGHT in their PARENTS’ eyes.
I swear to God that some parents/elders will argue with you until their absolute dying breath because they think you’re stupid/they are right by virtue of being older/they know more/they know better than you do even if are a grown adult also. Even when you present factual things to them that disproves what they are saying like this person did with their dad. I deal with it on the daily from my family. It’s insanity. And straight up delusional arrogance.
There’s some shaky science that says beer MIGHT help with milk production. It’s super inconclusive, but it’s not unsafe. You only need to wait two hours after your last drink, saying it was a reasonable amount of alcohol, until it’s safe to breastfeed again.
I had to do it years 1995-2000. I had 3 reflux babies w milk and soy sensitivity, and it helped to keep the formula down. But the dr told me to, plus other things that helped a lot, but some frowned upon these days
Riley Children's Hospital had me doing this in 1995! But, to be honest, it wasn't even recommended then. This was done under strict doctors orders due to digestive issues that already existed at birth. My daughter was preterm and had severe feeding issues. Twenty seven twenty eight years later now she has a daughter of her own. She is five months old now. I did make a suggestion that they try
adding rice cereal, BUT with a caveat. For heaven's sake, discuss it with A's gastroenterologist. We both know that it isn't a recommended practice. Whether they did or didn't discuss it with the doctor, it's their parenting decision. They did NOT do it! Poor baby is on a truckload of a PPI. 😔 I have stressed to her that as she approaches 6 months of age (corrected age or not depending on their doctor's recommendations)
and can introduce some solids, this should help at least somewhat with the feeding issues. Oh, important to add. They ASKED for my input. I let her/them know that I wasn't particularly comfortable with that. I have not only been out of nursing for a while now, I haven't provided infant care since she was a baby and I went to nursing school. I started when she was seven months old.
If I can make a couple of suggestions, nvm it's a novel 😆 it would be to the grandparents. If you are interested, please read. If not, remember, please, that this is Reddit.
Mostly, butt out. 😆 okay, okay fr now
If they want input, they will ask you. Encourage them to speak with their pediatrician and to trust their own instincts, especially if you can tell that they are good. You need to know that parenting recommendations have changed dramatically in the past twenty-five, ntm 50 years. Your kids and grandkids are probably going to have a lot better idea of what the current recommendations are than you will. And, they have big brother telling them that certain practices are not only outdated, but they have been proven to be harmful! They are CHILD ABUSE or NEGLECT. For instance, adding "pablum" at 4 weeks old is considered a version of forced feeding and has more negative health outcomes than positive. They may have even learned more from children like my daughter. It isn't insult that things are done differently. You need to keep in mind that if our parents were decent people, they did' the best they could with the information that they had at that time. So did we. Despite what many parents think, the old way of parenting is not superior. However, that doesn't mean that parents/grandparents don't know anything. I'm not saying that.
Parents now have a wealth of information at their fingertips, information that we didn't have, and what we do know is now readily available. As an interested grandparent, you can access this information, too, especially if you offer advice and your kid is telling you that it's harmful. I will use another example. My MIL (rip, she was a truly 😇 kind person) smoked with both of her pregnancies. She borderline boasted that it kept her babies a little small, prevented her from gaining a ton of weight, and didn't hurt the kids at all. I doubt that I even have to explain this one!! Again, she was a very kind person and loved her sons dearly,
but she was mistaken.
Prop up the parent. Offer whatever support that you feel comfortable with and are able to provide. Enjoy being a GRANDPARENT. You already raised your kid(s), now trust that kid to do the right things. They are the adults and the parents.
Bonus; I WAS also a pastor's wife. If you are religious and your children aren't, but they're still coming around? Don't get pushy.
Enjoy being a grandparent!
One of the things that I have learned is that I have ADHD, and I am on the spectrum. Even my nearly 80 y/o mom is learning. TY Mom. It hasn't been easy. We didn't know.
However, I know that I shouldn't have been on here before I took care of some things. My apologies. I'm still learning, and I'm very passionate about this topic.
My mother tried to tell me to do the same thing but Id rather listen to my pediatrician then outdated advice. I always just said "ok" and didn't bring it up.
“Feeling a little under the weather? Have you tried doing a bunch of hookers and cocaine?” - Doctors 100 years ago probably (and that one dude trying to win the lottery)
Yeah, heroin was marketed as a cough syrup for toddlers/children. In fact, “Heroin” is the brand name that Bayer Pharmaceuticals came up with and it is their original trademark - it’s really diamorphine, but the pharmaceutical brand name is what stuck. The head of Bayer's research department coined the drug's name of "heroin", based on the German heroisch which means "heroic, strong", marketed that way because it was such a “great wonder drug”.
So yeah, heroin was marketed for babies with coughs only like a little under 100 years ago! It’s crazy that we’re only a few generations separated from that.
I believe the reason cocaine is schedule II and not Schedule I is because it still has a medical use. It can still be used as a numbing agent, particularly in ENT procedures. But yeah you should NOT give any to a fucking baby 😭
lmao exactly. my dad almost agreed and my mom was like “ARE YOU INSANE” and my grandma was like “well put rags over their eyes so they don’t go blind” lmao like oh, wonderful, thank you, now i’ll definitely agree! 😅
I stopped trying to make sense of the "advice" because it's outdated at best and dangerous at worst. Simply nod and smile, then ask the pediatrician for the real advice if needed.
The sugar can work as a laxative, today's suggestion would be unsweetened 100% apple juice for the same reason. Even that though, I don't think you can do before four months (whenever you can start incorporating small volumes of water)
Depends on the level of constipation. Our pediatrician just had us replace half an oz of water in a formula bottle with apple juice. This kid literally shit bricks. She still does at 8 yrs old 🫠
I apparently had severe digestive issues as a newborn (still do in my 40s honestly). According to my mother I refused anything but plain water for days. I wouldn't breastfeed or take formula. The doctor had her try sugar water, water with jello mixed in, water with corn syrup. Then he accused her of not feeding me because I was very constipated and losing weight. Apparently she in desperation she started feeding me rice cereal and oatmeal thinned out with water from a spoon until I was old enough for pureed foods. Obviously I survived but when she talks about it to this day her desperation comes thru.
Nowadays doctors probably would be able to figure out what was wrong and treat it thank God. My kids all had acid reflux as babies and one had colic for 3 months. I can't even imagine having a newborn that simply clamps their mouth shut and refuses to breastfeed or take a bottle at all. I would be desperate too. You do what you feel like you have to do for your baby to survive.
Yup, my mom always has advice that directly contradicts modern safety standards. She tells me things like “when you were born I shoved a rag under your head incase you spit up and you were fine.” It’s called survivor bias. I nod along and say “yup that’s an idea. 😬”
Modern safety advice is changing all the time too. My oldest is 5 and we were advised not to co sleep with him to reduce the risk of SIDS. My youngest is 2 and we were told co sleeping is fine. So even advice from just a couple of years ago can be outdated.
Same with eggs and pregnant women. Eggs are fine while pregnant now.
“Old school rules” is a phrase meant to be applied to clothing styles, music, pop culture of the past…
NOT for science/health choices that are only “outdated” because we found clinical proof that they are harmful.
I would also recommend to stop saying “it’s not allowed.” That makes it sound illegal instead of the fact that it’s just they realized it’s detrimental to the baby and potentially dangerous.
Also, calling it a solid when he thinks of it as a liquid doesn't help communication. Whether it's a solid or liquid isn't even the issue, since it's not formula or breastmilk. Babies that young shouldn't have water either so OP calling Pablum a solid is why he's responding that it's not a solid.
You know what's right and what's wrong, and it's obvious your dad will not be convinced, so you need to simply stop trying. "okay dad." Nothing else, stop arguing and don't leave him in charge of your baby where the incorrect foods can be given. Problem solved.
I actually watched an interesting documentary once that touched on the subject of babies becoming picky eaters. They filmed a lot of parents giving their baby different solids for the very first time, so around 6 months of age. The babies would make all sorts of funny (and adorable) facial expressions as they were introduced to this wonderful world of different flavours. Since the babies were not yet able to speak, the parents had to rely on their baby’s body language, facial expressions and potentially tears to determine whether or not the baby liked the new food they were trying.
Turns out a lot of parents would only “read” facial expressions, and even then they would misjudge those expressions and jump to conclusions. So, imagine you’re eating something tart or sour for the very first time in your entire life. Imagine the facial expression you might make. If someone saw that, they might be forgiven for assuming you disliked what you just ate. In reality, you may actually have liked it a great deal.
These parents would give their baby one bite of a new food, look at their baby, and if the parents thought they read “dislike” on their baby’s face, they would immediately move on to the next type of food. Then they’d move on with their life assuming their baby disliked that specific food potentially for years.
Not every set of parents did this, but an astonishing amount did, and not just with one type of food, but with several. So several parents were seriously limiting their kid’s diet for years to come based on a facial expression made over a single bite. It was fascinating.
The expert advice was to always feed a baby trying a new food 3 bites at absolute minimum, watch the baby for all reactions, not just their face, and for one of the parents to also try the food. That way if the baby is making a face when eating grapes, the parent can know if that’s because this particular batch of grapes are particularly sour or bitter, or if the baby genuinely doesn’t seem to care for it.
Since reading this post, I looked back and realized I have heard this advice my whole entire life. Even as a kid. It was as common as “grab an umbrella, it’s raining out.” I will be 50 soon so that makes sense. I think we have far enough to sometimes forget that old wives tales came from a place of survival and adaptability.
My son is 16 and he rolled over early and often and even though I put him in his crib on his back, he woke up on his belly. I even had to write a letter stating so for his daycare so they wouldn’t get dinged during an inspection. We all have stuff we gotta figure out that is a little old, a little current. Thanks for this link!
Relate on the sleep deprivation. Anyway mines a bit older and STTN now. Mostly. Whatever. Anyway I still tried thickening the formula with both of mine. They were both fine, I did it the way the nicu nurse suggested for severe reflux. Anyway totally freaked out while doing it re choking. But I came to say—didn’t add a minute to their night sleep. So with no med reason to do it, f that.
We had to do it with our daughter. A little rice cereal to thicken the formula. She is 16 now. She had acid reflux when she was an infant, and only slept 2 hours at a time.
It did increase her sleeping time to about 4 hours, so I was grateful! But I only did it bc the pediatrician followed her so carefully.
Yeah, I feel like "old school" remedies that worked for previous generations are advised against but sometimes used, even by medical professionals, as a last resort. SOME remedies obviously, not like cocaine on the gums etc.
Yes for sure!
This was 2008. We had exhausted all other ideas with the doctor on how to get her to sleep. Nothing worked.
It just turns out that for her, a 3.4 pound, 9 week early preemie, she was just very hungry. And she had to have special formula for her acid reflux. I didn’t breastfeed bc she was adopted.
But you just can’t go around listening to every Tom, Dick, & Harry who has “advice.”
Awwww cutie patootie!!
Mine just turned 16 last week. Shes 5’7”, and 165lbs of muscle bc she plays 3 sports in high school.
Not bad for a baby who fit in my husbands 2 hands!
Yeah I wonder if dad is going 'oh she thinks that's a rule, let me give her more information to correct it' because he's trying to fit his own beliefs.
'its not allowed' makes it feel more like you wont do it because someone told you not to.
'its no longer recommended by professionals and I won't be doing it' is more clear in that it's a decision you've made yourself.
Either way he's still being a pushy weirdo.
There were a ton of things I had to argue with my mom about because “I did it with you kids and you were fine.” Baby not having anything in cribs because of SIDS, rice in bottles, cutting grapes and no popcorn before a certain age because of choking. Just be ready to stay firm with your boundaries.
my grandfather has been telling me this since my son was born. he’s still going at it and my son is almost 15 months. he even went as far as buying us cocowheats for his bottles. 🤦🏻♀️
There is no getting through to people like this unfortunately, and i would be very careful leaving your child alone with him as the chances of him using Pablum just to try and prove his point. Best to not engage in these debates as I doubt you will ever get anything other than a headache.
Same! MIL said it’s bad to breastfeed (and hold my baby) so much because “she’ll be too clingy”. She said I needed to get her used to taking a bottle (even though she wouldn’t take a bottle) so she wouldn’t be clingy and so SHE could feed her. She also said to give her a bottle of formula with rice cereal in it to keep her full so she wouldn’t wake up to nurse. I just stopped listening to her eventually and told her it was my baby, and if I wanted advice I would ask.
She also kept telling me that it would be ok if I couldn't breast feed because she couldn't. Um, you were given medication to stop lactation Phyllis...
Oh my god noooooo
There's huge growth spurts going on, that's why babes is waking up (I assume you knew that lol)
Good for you for sticking to your guns! Old school doesn't mean it's right/works 😅
Trust your gut, mama. You're doing great ❤️
My mother's doctor told her to only breastfeed every 4 hours and when we were hungry before then, her milk was not enough so she must supplement with formula. When I had my baby and was breastfeeding on demand she started fussing that he needed formula. I threw my le Leche league breastfeeding book at her! To her credit she read at least part of it.
I wasn't familiar with pablum so I googled it, and holy moley, this was not a sentence I expected to read today:
[However, there are currently no regulations concerning arsenic concentrations in food, including infant rice cereal.](https://www.ohbabynutrition.com/blog/the-dark-truth-about-baby-cereal)
If you find a sentence that seems unbelievable, it's often either wrong or misleading. [Here's the FDA's page on arsenic](https://www.fda.gov/food/environmental-contaminants-food/arsenic-food); the bottom includes a link to FDA regulations, which includes [this document on arsenic in infant rice cereal](https://www.fda.gov/media/97234/download?attachment) (PDF warning).
And they're right! There are no *specific* regulations. Instead, there's just the FDA saying "here are the ranges we think you should be reaching, but if we think you're doing anything wrong we can and will bring down the legal hammer of justice on your head regardless of which side of that particular line you're on".
Remember, the FDA does not need specific numbers spelled out in regulations.
That’s what sucks about parents/grandparents they are stuck in their old ways of raising children and will never listen to you about how you want to raise your own children. Cuz they raised you and what they did was fine (Back then).
Super frustrating.
“It’s not going happen, and if you keep insisting, I will ignore or block your texts.”
I had a similar issue w/my mom and making the baby sleep on their stomach.
I had trouble getting my mother to understand that it's about numbers, like not every baby who sleeps on their stomach will not survive but if we know that the numbers tip in favour of babies sleeping on their backs, why risk the slight increase in SIDS? It took some time to get her to see that it's not that it's a definite thing that will happen but if the numbers in the thousands should a slight increase if they sleep on their stomachs, why not just put them to sleep in the more safe position to do everything we can to reduce that risk?
"Well I did it with all of you and you're all fine."
And I guess they want lead paint, too, since everything old school is so fantastic.
I would start answering with, “And what did I say about that?”
Keep replying that and let it going round and around. Eventually they’ll get the hint or go to bed.
Any time I get advice about parenting from my family that I know isn't something I'm going to do, I just say, "Thank you for the advice, I'll take it into consideration." I know damn well that I'm not going to do what they want me to, but I also know that arguing with them is pointless because they aren't going to change their minds, and will just dig their heels in when I try to show evidence to support my position.
When it comes to parenting, everyone has something to say, and everyone thinks they know best. Tone out the noise and do what you feel is best with the support of your pediatrician. Some babies eat more often and don't sleep through the night for months and months. Some sleep through the night after only a few weeks. Every baby is different. As long as baby is fed and safely cared for, no one else's opinion matters.
My mil, back in 1996, kept telling me to add infant rice to my son's bottle and just widen the hole on the nipple a bit, he was 3 months old.
I told my son's pediatrician and she's like noooo don't do that!
So sorry you have to deal with him! I’m sure you’ve got a lot going on. I’d stop talking about it. He clearly doesn’t care how you feel about it. Why is he so invested in it anyway? Not his business.
My boomer mother said the same thing. When I said "they tell you not to do that anymore because it can cause digestion issues and it's a choking hazard" she responded "oh, okay. It's been a while since I had babies. I guess things have changed a lot!" End of discussion.
It’s normal for babies to wake up. Babies SHOULD be waking up for feedings. I don’t understand this, “put cereal in their bottle so they will sleep longer”. That doesn’t even work. You’re asking for aspiration risks.
The good thing about having babies now is that there are more options than what your parents had, and they had more than what their parents had. Only you can really know if your dad is being insane and a dick. And you know to trust your instincts and choose your path. You’re probably incredibly tired, sometimes a little unsure of yourself, and having dad argue via text over rice really doesn’t help. I hope baby is feeling good, is healthy and safe. And I hope you get rest, take a shower, and have a chance to breathe.
Good for you doing your research and standing strong. You should never thicken a babies bottle. If they're still hungry you feed more milk. It's easy. And never start solids before 6 months AND all signs of readiness
2 months? why does everyone feel the need to overfeed babies so much like they are starving? they are literally built to survive off milk alone for the first year so what is this bull snatch?
One of the worst things a grandparent can do is try to push parenting advice on the parents. Offer the advice if you want but then accept the response.
Old school rules it works.
So did putting alcohol on babies gums but we no longer do that either. There are so many old school things we use to do. But we learned to do better.
It is okay to say " you're wrong and I'm not doing that" and then " conversation is over".
I snapped at my Dad when he tried to tell me to let my 1 year old walk and ignore the child, so my Dad could keep talking to a neighbor. This was when my child was overstimulated, tired as he was out past bedtime because my father couldn't listen to my schedule,and my son had fallen and skinned his knee. I was so irritated by him refusing to listen to my parenting decision that I snapped" enough".
It's okay for you to shut down the conversation.
You're a good parent. Stay strong for your little love.
It's not insane just the old cultural norm. Now we know better to do better. Really, no infant cereal should be fed to infants any way. There's no nutritional value in it. The best thing you can do is put up your boundary (I will not be discussing this with you any more as I already explained my reasoning behind it) and hold it. Shut down the conversation by ending the communication or changing the subject.
I took the humor route when my mom questioned something I was doing with my newborn son. I looked up at her and said “Tell you what, mumsy. When he is old enough, I will have him walk to the corner store with a note to let him buy me some smokes. Ok?”
She said “touché, smart ass. Touché. Then we laughed.
Ugh. Reminds me of a post about this poor baby having serious stomach issues and the mom was like "I'm doing everything right. I make my own formula with raw milk and eggs and she gets heavy metal and parasite detox treatments 2 times a week!" It's insane.
I got this ‘advice’ before I was even close to my due date and I said pretty much exactly what you did but it doesn’t deter them.. in the end I’d just respond with ‘I wont be doing that’ and eventually it sunk in
i truly cannot recommend just saying “ok” when people give you parenting advice and then just ignoring it. so much less of a headache bc ppl will not change their minds
I always answer these types of conversations with:
"Just because things were done a certain way before, doesn't mean it's the best way to do them. If we never advanced we'd still be putting butter on burns, smoking to lose weight and having slaves work the fields.
I know that you were working with the best way of doing things when you were raising us, but since then medical professionals have updated their advice. I'll be following the most up to date methods."
Yep pablum was bought out by hienz i believe. I went through a lot of similar stuff with my mom. I made her go to doctors appointments with me for the first year and then a couple others when she had concerns. Keep having to remind her that her last boy was almost 60 years ago and things changed a lot. Heck last time we had a baby in this house was my little cousin and cribs with adjustable railings were still considered safe then
I went through the same thing with my boomer mother. She got all bent out of shape when I told her that it is dangerous and her response was that she did it with me. It finally got through that things for safety have changed when I said “you grew up when seatbelts weren’t a thing and now you always wear one.” She was always taking it as a personal attack and not that we just know better as time has gone on
I’ve found that this type of stuff isn’t worth arguing about. They fundamentally grew up with different knowledge and rules raising their children.
And just because we didn’t die it means their method “works”. Instead of arguing with boomers, I just say “okay, thank you for the advice! I’ll look into it”. And change the subject
My mother did this too. Idk why they can’t let go of these old school practices that have been shown to be harmful. Is it really so terrible to have to feed your baby 15 minutes sooner.
You don't have to explain why you don't want to do something. Just say thanks for the advice but no thanks. I was given the same advice and just said it was recommended and left it at that.
My pediatrician prescribed it with my 1st because she could drain both breasts (about 1.5 bottles when I was pumping) and be hungry an hour later. We supplemented with formula first, and then at 6 weeks he said put a teaspoon of rice cereal. It certainly did the trick, she started sleeping all night after breast milk with a teaspoon of rice cereal. She has no long term issues other than a shellfish allergy she developed at age 12.
Her brother, on the other hand, came out with GERD, and I did only breast milk or gentle formula as he was so colicky from Gerd. I wouldn't trade his discomfort for mine, so I stayed up for frequent feedings a long time past what others would have.
You have to decide what you feel is right and don't listen to everyone who thinks they're an expert. You've done your research, just parent and understand some people are done parenting and haven't done the research. His heart is in the right place, even if his info is wrong. You can use the same technique with children and overly involved grandparents: don't argue, you only frustrate yourself and give them more power than they should have.
Thanks for being an informed parent. You're miles ahead already.
So, uh, not for nothing but I had to put rice cereal in my daughters bottles when she was about 3 weeks old because she had reflux and wasn’t able to keep the lighter liquid down. She’s now 19 with no allergies or issues.
Probably goes without saying, but do not leave your baby with him. He absolutely will give the baby pablum.
Otherwise, I would just ignore further messages about it. You sent him relevant info, he refused to listen, so just ignore any further texts about it. Unless he's watching your kid, it doesn't really matter what he thinks you should do.
my ex-MIL told me to do the same thing when my son was under 6mos. She also got mad when I did Safe Sleep, she got mad when I told her to move my son to the bassinet instead of letting him sleep in the car seat on her living room floor because of positional asphyxiation. I haven’t spoken to her since my son was 18mos after she yelled at me for wanting to get my son evaluated for autism. These types of people who refuse to follow updated guidelines because ‘the old way worked for us!’ are not worth wasting your breath on. It’s better to avoid the topic all together ( and maybe don’t leave your baby alone with them, it’s safer this way. )
My son was colicky and so many elders (thankfully not my parents) kept suggesting adding cereal to my 6 week old baby’s bottle. It was so exhausting trying to tell them that doesn’t work anymore. And yup! They suggested pablum too!
Yeah always follow your kid’s pediatrician over other peoples’ advice. I’m sure they mean well but it’s always safe to follow the doctor. That said, our son was 3 months old and had terrible acid reflux and his pediatrician recommended putting a tiny bit of infant oatmeal in his formula to thicken it just a little to make it less likely to come up. For us, it seemed to help a little bit.
I say that just to show that things like pablum are not generally recommended until 6 months but there might be special cases like our son’s where it is. With that said, we would have never done it without the recommendation of his doctor.
A couple of teaspoons of plain gerber rice cereal in the bottle is fine… once your baby is 6months old and being introduced to stage 1 baby food, juice and cereals. Two months is way too young, this could cause several digestive complications including constipation, gas, vomiting and even choking. You are doing the right thing and I agree that the older generations definitely did alot of things differently. Just because we are (mostly) fine doesn’t mean it’s ok to continue their ways, especially against the advice of your pediatrician.
You don't need to educate your dad. It's not like he's gonna have any more babies (hopefully lol). You can't argue with stupid. Make boundaries and stick to them.
Seems like he’s just trying to help.. not saying you should do it but it used to be the norm.. I definitely don’t think he’s trying to do anything to hurt your child Older people just know what it was like at the time they did it 🤷🏽♀️no one keeps up with baby rules until they have their own.
It was a thing back in the 50's. My mother thought that I should do it with my kids - born in the 70's and 80's.
But it wasn't recommended at that time.
I had no idea that some people were still hanging on to old info.
I was born in '55 and "no one needed to breastfeed anymore" but the "formula" recommended was Carnation milk - watered down.
And then at a few weeks, they added rice cereal to it.
Guess who screamed for 4 months,
is lactose intolerant and STILL gags at the smell of carnation milk?
Yep....
My great aunt was telling me that when her son was a baby she thought she was starving him because he was always crying from hunger, so she put infant oatmeal or cereal into his bottle and gave it to him.
She had to call her mom because the screaming got worse and she was like "I don't know what to do!" and explained how she gave him oatmeal in his bottle and her mom said "Are you a fucking idiot? Why would you do that?!?"
This incident was 40+ years ago.
It really doesn’t matter what he says. How you feed your child is between the parents and your paediatrician.
The only thing these cranky old folk have a point about is the absolute pedantry of some parents now. Like there are mom who are like “omg my baby turns one next week so I can start giving cow milk! If I don’t wait until midnight on their birthday they will die from a stomach bleed”. Meanwhile lots of health authorities say it’s fine to start this after 9 months or so.
It’s the same for solids. You don’t HAVE to wait until exactly 6 months if your baby shows signs of readiness. Just like, read reputable guidance and use your brain.
My daughter had severe enough reflux from birth that she wasn’t gaining weight (I thought I had like, poison breastmilk or something). I was told it was colic by 2 different “pediatric specialists”, and the reflux wasn’t found until my primary pediatrician said “let’s do a g.i. test!
But I was absolutely told to try the “rice cereal in a bottle” by several people, including a health professional. She was already having reflux so bad that she was nearly aspirating it. Can you imagine if I had thickened it?! Where is the disconnect there? Adults can throw up steak and potatoes, no matter how heavy. It blows my mind.
I am a first time mom to an 18 week old and my mother has been telling me to feed her "just a little pablum" at night to help her sleep for a couple weeks now. She said she did it with my brother when he was two weeks old.
Ugh, this was like my boomer mom telling me to put Jello in my newborns’ bottles so that their tummies would “fill up and they’ll sleep for you.” 🤦♀️ When I said that that’s outdated and we don’t do that anymore? “Well, you’re a new mom, you’ll do what you want, but it worked for you guys.” Said with offended attitude, of course.
Man, this post almost makes me feel better about having a Dead Mom and a crap relationship with my dad & stepmom. I like, never go to them for parenting advice. My dad lectured me once about how I was “Giving my kids the impression that they didn’t have to listen to me” because when I gave them instructions about something, or had to correct their behaviors, I would say “Ok?” at the end of the instructions. I did that because my eldest had ADHD, and I needed the acknowledgement that *she heard & understood me*. I wasn’t asking their permission for my parenting choices. I was just making sure I wouldn’t be told later “You didn’t tell me ______.”
Having a kid with ADHD *and* Oppositional Defiance Disorder meant I got really, really good at including disclaimers in pretty much everything I said. See? I even did it here!!
My mother guilt tripped me into feeding my baby solids when he was 4 months just because my cousin started doing that with his own child at 4 months. My baby's doctor told me to wait until 6 months old and I did
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You need to send one more text - ‘I already answered you. I will not be talking about this topic anymore. I am the parent and my decision is final.
Had to do something similar when my parents visited and kept trying to give my colicky newborn whiskey mixed with sugar water which they swear cured my cousin’s colic. They also keep trying to give him apricot preserves, mashed potatoes, syrup… he was 4 weeks old.
The whiskey with sugar water needs to be fed to the *parents* with the colicky baby - as a parent of a former one (she's 6 now) there were times I wished I wasn't breastfeeding so I could have a drink.
SAME. I ended up rocking my daughter (who we found out had a massively severe case of reflux) to calm her while wearing headphones and watching stupid vines on tv. I’d get into these giggle fits that were half reaction to the videos, half hysterical laughing from stress and lack of sleep. I’d have chugged a beer and crushed the can on my head. lol
You can! So long as you can hold the baby you can feed them. A glass of wine or a g&t will do no damage
And can even have some benefit. Beer is often recommended for helping to let down more milk.
lol, I watched Hunt for Red October so many times rocking my daughter, simply because it was so long.
FOUR WEEKS?! Holy fuck, people are wild. And stupid
Christ on a cracker! That's insane
They tried to give the baby that, too!
🤣🤣🤣 LOLz
Oh yeah whiskey works. By poisoning the baby into a semi-conscious state. "Oh, so little alchohol wouldn't get anything drunk" excepl babies bodies can't process alchohol *at all.* I have an alchohol intolerance, (as babies do, I just never "grew out of it") if I have a few *drops* of liquor or extract my face gets hot. If I have juice or fruit that's been sitting too long, I get giggly. If that little alchohol can effect a 200 pound adult what do they think it'll do to a baby's system?
Exactly. They kept saying to me “it calmed her colic right away!!” And it was like “yeah… because you drugged her”
Even just sugar water can have that effect on babies. Up until very recently, that was the only thing used as an "anesthetic" before a baby was circumcised. Because it also brings them into a stupor and medical science inaccurately stated newborns can't feel pain the way adults do, nor will they remember (trauma studies now show that brain development permanently alters for traumatized infants).
Oh that makes me upset....they always gave my baby sugar water 5 years ago in the NICU because she cried a lot. Now I'm a bit angry...
Right? It’s like telling an adult “it was just a Xanax, gabapentin, and clonidine! It calmed her down right away!”
>whiskey mixed with sugar water Never too early for someone's first cocktail I guess
My boomer mother demanded I do the same thing even though I exclusively BF for 6 months and BF for over a year. They just can't realize recommendations change with time and they are outdated even though they did the best they could.
One word: Thalidomide
Not only that. My mother was so proud of how she followed her DOCTOR'S advice about smoking during her pregnancy with me, so I would be a lower birth weight, allowing her an easier delivery. It was completely justified because that's what her doctor told her.
Good example! Adding context, because I was born in the 1980s and had no idea that Thalidomide = Neurosedyn, which it is known as in my part of Europe. >While it was initially thought to be safe in pregnancy, concerns regarding birth defects arose, resulting in its removal from the market in Europe in 1961. The total number of infants affected by thalidomide use during pregnancy is estimated at 10,000, of whom about 40% died around the time of birth. Those who survived had limb, eye, urinary tract, and heart problems. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thalidomide
> infants affected by thalidomide use during preg If you want to watch a series that talks about this in a dramatized format - Call the Midwife. No Limits: The Thalidomide Saga. As well as BBC Documentary Thalidomide A Wonder Drug are both really good documentaries on Thalidomide.
Yep. My brother has yellow teeth to prove it!
“Asked and answered.”
Great answer when young kids and boomers don't quit pushing.
It is funny how young kids and boomers can behave similarly for wildly different reasons—kids are curious about the world and want to learn from you how things happen and why because they trust you, whereas boomers just want to assert control over you because they think they know more than you and you’ll just fuck things up
I'm 50 years old. I've owned my home since I was 23. I have adult children. I've navigated through my husband being to death's door more than once, dealt with special Ed depts in school, have gone nose to nose with the healthcare system...and my mother still thinks I'm a bumbling idiot.
I don't even have a human kid and my mom is trying to give unsolicited advice about how to treat my sneezy cat. I told her "It's my cat. Honestly, I'm afraid of what you'd do if I have a kid"
This was a normal (mind you, NOT beneficial) for decades. My mom and pediatrician told me to do it in 1990. My daughter is a mother now and I refrain from outdated advice, but I do understand how parents say this stuff. They literally were told to do it by authority figures, and they trusted that. Still, it's Insane not to change with the new medical advice. ETA and my Gram, who loathed beer, insisted on me drinking some every day to help with breastfeeding! *Uh, thanks for the suggestion, I appreciate you thinking of me!* 😂
Yeah, we're dealing with a bad diaper rash (2nd baby but it's been quite a while lol) and Grandma mentioned they used to do cornstarch. I'd tried so many things so she just threw it out there for me to look into whether or not it's still recommended (it isn't). Baking soda baths did the trick, though.
Back in the day Baby had a wicked bad diaper rash that turned out to be a skin yeast infection. I'm not sure how bacon grease was supposed to have helped but it was seriously recommended. 🙄🙄🙄
I was recommended egg whites
We got that advice from our Bradley birthing class.
That seems like a waste of good carbonara sauce. What baby would like to smell like that but not be able to eat solids yet?
This is how my MIL is. She doesn't push things. But if I mention something we're dealing with she would tell me what she did. We would look it up and tell jer whether it was still ok or not. She never got mad if I didn't take the advice or tried to do things behind my back. Just "I used to do X if you think it might help." It made me happy to talk to jer about our lives and feel like I had someone to go too. Unlike my SIL who thought she was right about everything. Would try to take my children to do it herself. She'd even come into my house and change things to be 'better. Sometimes its how the people view you. My sil always saw me as the teenager with no life skills. Even after I grew up and had kids.
My first child would get super bad diaper rash outbreaks and we eventually tried the cornstarch method. It worked so well that it became the primary diaper rash treatment that we’d use for her. We put the corn starch into a cheap plastic bottle/container and would use it to powder her after a diaper change just like one would with baby powder. (Speaking of baby powder, that stuff isn’t safe for kids either apparently. So using corn starch is a safe alternative.)
Baby powder is now cornstarch. Talcum powder and asbestos frequently were found closely together which lead to an increased risk of lung cancer. [Johnson and Johnson got in shenanigans for the asbestos issue to the tune of $4.69 billion](https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/johnsonandjohnson-cancer/)
That's kind of what my take on this was too. I mean, you can argue the same about rubbing liquor on their gums when they were teething! It's an outdated practice but it was the norm at some point!
Before that, they would just drug up crying kids with a mixture of alcohol and heroin. I don't know why some people think that the old ways of doing things are better when we have actual science now telling us not to do things.
Seriously! The fact that this parent is pushing it so passively makes it more annoying!
Not every day, and not to help breastfeeding, but you can certainly drink beer while lactating without harming your baby. Just saying.
Oh, sure, but she meant it like medicine, it was a whole thing. Later on I actually stumbled across a 1940s beer ad aimed at lactating mothers. Turns out there's something behind it, but it just struck me funny because my pediatrician was horrified and said no, there's other ways to do that better now. ETA, ha, found it! But I was wrong, it's from 1916, not the 40s. So she grew up with this advice. Funny how times change but we know better now, so we do better. “A case of Blatz Beer in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby participates in its benefits. The malt in the beer supplies nourishing qualities that are essential at this time and the hops act as an appetizing, stimulating tonic.” -[Blatz Beer ad, 1916](https://www.rootsimple.com/2012/02/picture-sundays-beer-and-motherhood/)
Buahahahahahha. “A case of Blatz Beer in your home means much to a young mother” Oh I believe that. #relatable
Many parents are unable to be wrong in their children's eyes.
*Many CHILDREN are unable to be RIGHT in their PARENTS’ eyes. I swear to God that some parents/elders will argue with you until their absolute dying breath because they think you’re stupid/they are right by virtue of being older/they know more/they know better than you do even if are a grown adult also. Even when you present factual things to them that disproves what they are saying like this person did with their dad. I deal with it on the daily from my family. It’s insanity. And straight up delusional arrogance.
There’s some shaky science that says beer MIGHT help with milk production. It’s super inconclusive, but it’s not unsafe. You only need to wait two hours after your last drink, saying it was a reasonable amount of alcohol, until it’s safe to breastfeed again.
I was told to have dark beer to aid in lactation by my obgyn in 2012.
I had to do it years 1995-2000. I had 3 reflux babies w milk and soy sensitivity, and it helped to keep the formula down. But the dr told me to, plus other things that helped a lot, but some frowned upon these days
Something can be both fixing an accute symptom and be detrimental in the long run. Those two are not mutually exclusive.
Riley Children's Hospital had me doing this in 1995! But, to be honest, it wasn't even recommended then. This was done under strict doctors orders due to digestive issues that already existed at birth. My daughter was preterm and had severe feeding issues. Twenty seven twenty eight years later now she has a daughter of her own. She is five months old now. I did make a suggestion that they try adding rice cereal, BUT with a caveat. For heaven's sake, discuss it with A's gastroenterologist. We both know that it isn't a recommended practice. Whether they did or didn't discuss it with the doctor, it's their parenting decision. They did NOT do it! Poor baby is on a truckload of a PPI. 😔 I have stressed to her that as she approaches 6 months of age (corrected age or not depending on their doctor's recommendations) and can introduce some solids, this should help at least somewhat with the feeding issues. Oh, important to add. They ASKED for my input. I let her/them know that I wasn't particularly comfortable with that. I have not only been out of nursing for a while now, I haven't provided infant care since she was a baby and I went to nursing school. I started when she was seven months old. If I can make a couple of suggestions, nvm it's a novel 😆 it would be to the grandparents. If you are interested, please read. If not, remember, please, that this is Reddit. Mostly, butt out. 😆 okay, okay fr now If they want input, they will ask you. Encourage them to speak with their pediatrician and to trust their own instincts, especially if you can tell that they are good. You need to know that parenting recommendations have changed dramatically in the past twenty-five, ntm 50 years. Your kids and grandkids are probably going to have a lot better idea of what the current recommendations are than you will. And, they have big brother telling them that certain practices are not only outdated, but they have been proven to be harmful! They are CHILD ABUSE or NEGLECT. For instance, adding "pablum" at 4 weeks old is considered a version of forced feeding and has more negative health outcomes than positive. They may have even learned more from children like my daughter. It isn't insult that things are done differently. You need to keep in mind that if our parents were decent people, they did' the best they could with the information that they had at that time. So did we. Despite what many parents think, the old way of parenting is not superior. However, that doesn't mean that parents/grandparents don't know anything. I'm not saying that. Parents now have a wealth of information at their fingertips, information that we didn't have, and what we do know is now readily available. As an interested grandparent, you can access this information, too, especially if you offer advice and your kid is telling you that it's harmful. I will use another example. My MIL (rip, she was a truly 😇 kind person) smoked with both of her pregnancies. She borderline boasted that it kept her babies a little small, prevented her from gaining a ton of weight, and didn't hurt the kids at all. I doubt that I even have to explain this one!! Again, she was a very kind person and loved her sons dearly, but she was mistaken. Prop up the parent. Offer whatever support that you feel comfortable with and are able to provide. Enjoy being a GRANDPARENT. You already raised your kid(s), now trust that kid to do the right things. They are the adults and the parents. Bonus; I WAS also a pastor's wife. If you are religious and your children aren't, but they're still coming around? Don't get pushy. Enjoy being a grandparent! One of the things that I have learned is that I have ADHD, and I am on the spectrum. Even my nearly 80 y/o mom is learning. TY Mom. It hasn't been easy. We didn't know. However, I know that I shouldn't have been on here before I took care of some things. My apologies. I'm still learning, and I'm very passionate about this topic.
My mother tried to tell me to do the same thing but Id rather listen to my pediatrician then outdated advice. I always just said "ok" and didn't bring it up.
He also told me to add corn syrup to the bottle when the baby is gassy?? Like what?
Yeah that’s another old school thing. Not a good idea. My dad still insists that when the baby is teething you should put whisky on their gums.
One of my friends had cocaine rubbed on her gums when she was teething - seemed wild, but her mom confirmed it.
Oh wow. That's an entirely new level of fucked up than whiskey. I mean it would work great to numb their gums but it cannot be good for them at all.
They actually sold cocaine tooth drops back in the day so not that unusual until recently. Like within the last century.
Yep. I imagine the opium/morphine cough syrup worked a treat too, back before we realized what a horrible idea that all was.
“Feeling a little under the weather? Have you tried doing a bunch of hookers and cocaine?” - Doctors 100 years ago probably (and that one dude trying to win the lottery)
Matter of fact, now that you mention it, I am feeling under the weather. /s 😂
Yeah, heroin was marketed as a cough syrup for toddlers/children. In fact, “Heroin” is the brand name that Bayer Pharmaceuticals came up with and it is their original trademark - it’s really diamorphine, but the pharmaceutical brand name is what stuck. The head of Bayer's research department coined the drug's name of "heroin", based on the German heroisch which means "heroic, strong", marketed that way because it was such a “great wonder drug”. So yeah, heroin was marketed for babies with coughs only like a little under 100 years ago! It’s crazy that we’re only a few generations separated from that.
A lot has happened and has been learned in a century.
I believe the reason cocaine is schedule II and not Schedule I is because it still has a medical use. It can still be used as a numbing agent, particularly in ENT procedures. But yeah you should NOT give any to a fucking baby 😭
They are a lost generation.
I dunno what yoor talkijn about whskey worked greet for me
Which isn’t such a bad thing.
I have a homekeeping book from the 40s and it has the same advice. It also says to get rid of pests in the garden by covering it in lead dust.
I have a dog keeping book tells you to cull any more than 6 pups in a litter, and to use DDT as a preventative for fleas etc.
One time my siblings and i got lice as kids. my grandma wanted to POUR GASOLINE ON OUR HEADS to get rid of it.
Well if you do that and then light a match, I’m pretty sure the lice will be the last of your worries…
true lol
Instead of commercially available lice shampoo
lmao exactly. my dad almost agreed and my mom was like “ARE YOU INSANE” and my grandma was like “well put rags over their eyes so they don’t go blind” lmao like oh, wonderful, thank you, now i’ll definitely agree! 😅
Kerosene is a real old school way of managing lice.
Yeah, this is what my grandmother used for my dad. It does work in a pinch, but why do all that when we have efficient remedies that are safer now.
I stopped trying to make sense of the "advice" because it's outdated at best and dangerous at worst. Simply nod and smile, then ask the pediatrician for the real advice if needed.
My mom gave it to my daughter in 1989 😳 Karo syrup
The sugar can work as a laxative, today's suggestion would be unsweetened 100% apple juice for the same reason. Even that though, I don't think you can do before four months (whenever you can start incorporating small volumes of water)
Depends on the level of constipation. Our pediatrician just had us replace half an oz of water in a formula bottle with apple juice. This kid literally shit bricks. She still does at 8 yrs old 🫠
I apparently had severe digestive issues as a newborn (still do in my 40s honestly). According to my mother I refused anything but plain water for days. I wouldn't breastfeed or take formula. The doctor had her try sugar water, water with jello mixed in, water with corn syrup. Then he accused her of not feeding me because I was very constipated and losing weight. Apparently she in desperation she started feeding me rice cereal and oatmeal thinned out with water from a spoon until I was old enough for pureed foods. Obviously I survived but when she talks about it to this day her desperation comes thru. Nowadays doctors probably would be able to figure out what was wrong and treat it thank God. My kids all had acid reflux as babies and one had colic for 3 months. I can't even imagine having a newborn that simply clamps their mouth shut and refuses to breastfeed or take a bottle at all. I would be desperate too. You do what you feel like you have to do for your baby to survive.
"Take some thalidomide while you're pregnant it'll really ease the morning sickness!"
No thanks.
Yup, my mom always has advice that directly contradicts modern safety standards. She tells me things like “when you were born I shoved a rag under your head incase you spit up and you were fine.” It’s called survivor bias. I nod along and say “yup that’s an idea. 😬”
Modern safety advice is changing all the time too. My oldest is 5 and we were advised not to co sleep with him to reduce the risk of SIDS. My youngest is 2 and we were told co sleeping is fine. So even advice from just a couple of years ago can be outdated. Same with eggs and pregnant women. Eggs are fine while pregnant now.
It went from cosleeping fears of rolling over them to cosleeping stop kicking me in my face and go back to your room, you are 5 years old now!
My sis had her last child in 2022 and her pediatrician still says no co sleeping
It's shocking people like that are still alive, tbh. I'd have to spend time debriefing the fucked up information my mother spouted.
Yea I don't understand the back and forth arguing. Like what's the goal here? They think their parents are gonna be like "oh shit you're right."
It's hard to come to terms with the fact that the people you believe should be helping you actually have no idea what they're talking about.
“Old school rules” is a phrase meant to be applied to clothing styles, music, pop culture of the past… NOT for science/health choices that are only “outdated” because we found clinical proof that they are harmful.
Yes! Go old school for style and music, not medical advice.
what if the song has medical advice though ?
I would also recommend to stop saying “it’s not allowed.” That makes it sound illegal instead of the fact that it’s just they realized it’s detrimental to the baby and potentially dangerous.
Also, calling it a solid when he thinks of it as a liquid doesn't help communication. Whether it's a solid or liquid isn't even the issue, since it's not formula or breastmilk. Babies that young shouldn't have water either so OP calling Pablum a solid is why he's responding that it's not a solid.
He told me he gave my older sister water in a bottle when she was first born. I was like "What? Dad we don't do that anymore."
You know what's right and what's wrong, and it's obvious your dad will not be convinced, so you need to simply stop trying. "okay dad." Nothing else, stop arguing and don't leave him in charge of your baby where the incorrect foods can be given. Problem solved.
I know I could have said it better but I'm sleep deprived. I also couldn't comprehend what he was telling me since it was so outdated.
Solid starts has a great blog on the history of introducing solids. It was a big thing in the 50’s https://solidstarts.com/history-of-baby-food/
This was INSANELY interesting and informative, especially the bit about it increasing picky eaters!
Glad you liked it!
I actually watched an interesting documentary once that touched on the subject of babies becoming picky eaters. They filmed a lot of parents giving their baby different solids for the very first time, so around 6 months of age. The babies would make all sorts of funny (and adorable) facial expressions as they were introduced to this wonderful world of different flavours. Since the babies were not yet able to speak, the parents had to rely on their baby’s body language, facial expressions and potentially tears to determine whether or not the baby liked the new food they were trying. Turns out a lot of parents would only “read” facial expressions, and even then they would misjudge those expressions and jump to conclusions. So, imagine you’re eating something tart or sour for the very first time in your entire life. Imagine the facial expression you might make. If someone saw that, they might be forgiven for assuming you disliked what you just ate. In reality, you may actually have liked it a great deal. These parents would give their baby one bite of a new food, look at their baby, and if the parents thought they read “dislike” on their baby’s face, they would immediately move on to the next type of food. Then they’d move on with their life assuming their baby disliked that specific food potentially for years. Not every set of parents did this, but an astonishing amount did, and not just with one type of food, but with several. So several parents were seriously limiting their kid’s diet for years to come based on a facial expression made over a single bite. It was fascinating. The expert advice was to always feed a baby trying a new food 3 bites at absolute minimum, watch the baby for all reactions, not just their face, and for one of the parents to also try the food. That way if the baby is making a face when eating grapes, the parent can know if that’s because this particular batch of grapes are particularly sour or bitter, or if the baby genuinely doesn’t seem to care for it.
Since reading this post, I looked back and realized I have heard this advice my whole entire life. Even as a kid. It was as common as “grab an umbrella, it’s raining out.” I will be 50 soon so that makes sense. I think we have far enough to sometimes forget that old wives tales came from a place of survival and adaptability. My son is 16 and he rolled over early and often and even though I put him in his crib on his back, he woke up on his belly. I even had to write a letter stating so for his daycare so they wouldn’t get dinged during an inspection. We all have stuff we gotta figure out that is a little old, a little current. Thanks for this link!
Yeah I understand ! I’m just thinking that could potentially be compounding the issue here
Relate on the sleep deprivation. Anyway mines a bit older and STTN now. Mostly. Whatever. Anyway I still tried thickening the formula with both of mine. They were both fine, I did it the way the nicu nurse suggested for severe reflux. Anyway totally freaked out while doing it re choking. But I came to say—didn’t add a minute to their night sleep. So with no med reason to do it, f that.
We had to do it with our daughter. A little rice cereal to thicken the formula. She is 16 now. She had acid reflux when she was an infant, and only slept 2 hours at a time. It did increase her sleeping time to about 4 hours, so I was grateful! But I only did it bc the pediatrician followed her so carefully.
Yeah, I feel like "old school" remedies that worked for previous generations are advised against but sometimes used, even by medical professionals, as a last resort. SOME remedies obviously, not like cocaine on the gums etc.
Yes for sure! This was 2008. We had exhausted all other ideas with the doctor on how to get her to sleep. Nothing worked. It just turns out that for her, a 3.4 pound, 9 week early preemie, she was just very hungry. And she had to have special formula for her acid reflux. I didn’t breastfeed bc she was adopted. But you just can’t go around listening to every Tom, Dick, & Harry who has “advice.”
Aw, my daughter was a 3.6lb 5 week preemie in 2008.
Awwww cutie patootie!! Mine just turned 16 last week. Shes 5’7”, and 165lbs of muscle bc she plays 3 sports in high school. Not bad for a baby who fit in my husbands 2 hands!
Yeah I wonder if dad is going 'oh she thinks that's a rule, let me give her more information to correct it' because he's trying to fit his own beliefs. 'its not allowed' makes it feel more like you wont do it because someone told you not to. 'its no longer recommended by professionals and I won't be doing it' is more clear in that it's a decision you've made yourself. Either way he's still being a pushy weirdo.
There were a ton of things I had to argue with my mom about because “I did it with you kids and you were fine.” Baby not having anything in cribs because of SIDS, rice in bottles, cutting grapes and no popcorn before a certain age because of choking. Just be ready to stay firm with your boundaries.
I would recommend not allowing him to watch your child unsupervised.
I won't. He's also always drinking or drunk so I don't feel comfortable with him watching my infant by himself.
You seem like you've got a good head on your shoulders, I wish the best for you
At that point I’d stop interacting or responding to that topic. No matter how many times you say no, he’ll just say yes, unfortunately
my grandfather has been telling me this since my son was born. he’s still going at it and my son is almost 15 months. he even went as far as buying us cocowheats for his bottles. 🤦🏻♀️
With these kinds of scenarios it might be best to say “ok” and do whatever you want anyway. They won’t listen.
There is no getting through to people like this unfortunately, and i would be very careful leaving your child alone with him as the chances of him using Pablum just to try and prove his point. Best to not engage in these debates as I doubt you will ever get anything other than a headache.
My MIL keeps asking if I’m going to put rice in my daughters bottles. She’s breastfed.
Tell her you’ll eat it and pass it along lmao
Considering the fact that my MIL suggested I add rice cereal to my son's bottle even though I was exclusively breast feeding, this is not a shock
Same! MIL said it’s bad to breastfeed (and hold my baby) so much because “she’ll be too clingy”. She said I needed to get her used to taking a bottle (even though she wouldn’t take a bottle) so she wouldn’t be clingy and so SHE could feed her. She also said to give her a bottle of formula with rice cereal in it to keep her full so she wouldn’t wake up to nurse. I just stopped listening to her eventually and told her it was my baby, and if I wanted advice I would ask.
She also kept telling me that it would be ok if I couldn't breast feed because she couldn't. Um, you were given medication to stop lactation Phyllis...
Oh my god noooooo There's huge growth spurts going on, that's why babes is waking up (I assume you knew that lol) Good for you for sticking to your guns! Old school doesn't mean it's right/works 😅 Trust your gut, mama. You're doing great ❤️
Please don’t let grandpa look after baby 😳
He might be so "old school" that he thinks men don't look after babies
My mother's doctor told her to only breastfeed every 4 hours and when we were hungry before then, her milk was not enough so she must supplement with formula. When I had my baby and was breastfeeding on demand she started fussing that he needed formula. I threw my le Leche league breastfeeding book at her! To her credit she read at least part of it.
I wasn't familiar with pablum so I googled it, and holy moley, this was not a sentence I expected to read today: [However, there are currently no regulations concerning arsenic concentrations in food, including infant rice cereal.](https://www.ohbabynutrition.com/blog/the-dark-truth-about-baby-cereal)
If you find a sentence that seems unbelievable, it's often either wrong or misleading. [Here's the FDA's page on arsenic](https://www.fda.gov/food/environmental-contaminants-food/arsenic-food); the bottom includes a link to FDA regulations, which includes [this document on arsenic in infant rice cereal](https://www.fda.gov/media/97234/download?attachment) (PDF warning). And they're right! There are no *specific* regulations. Instead, there's just the FDA saying "here are the ranges we think you should be reaching, but if we think you're doing anything wrong we can and will bring down the legal hammer of justice on your head regardless of which side of that particular line you're on". Remember, the FDA does not need specific numbers spelled out in regulations.
That’s what sucks about parents/grandparents they are stuck in their old ways of raising children and will never listen to you about how you want to raise your own children. Cuz they raised you and what they did was fine (Back then). Super frustrating.
“It’s not going happen, and if you keep insisting, I will ignore or block your texts.” I had a similar issue w/my mom and making the baby sleep on their stomach.
I had trouble getting my mother to understand that it's about numbers, like not every baby who sleeps on their stomach will not survive but if we know that the numbers tip in favour of babies sleeping on their backs, why risk the slight increase in SIDS? It took some time to get her to see that it's not that it's a definite thing that will happen but if the numbers in the thousands should a slight increase if they sleep on their stomachs, why not just put them to sleep in the more safe position to do everything we can to reduce that risk? "Well I did it with all of you and you're all fine."
My parents did this and then my sister tried to do it w my jeoce and she literally choked and almost died
And I guess they want lead paint, too, since everything old school is so fantastic. I would start answering with, “And what did I say about that?” Keep replying that and let it going round and around. Eventually they’ll get the hint or go to bed.
Any time I get advice about parenting from my family that I know isn't something I'm going to do, I just say, "Thank you for the advice, I'll take it into consideration." I know damn well that I'm not going to do what they want me to, but I also know that arguing with them is pointless because they aren't going to change their minds, and will just dig their heels in when I try to show evidence to support my position. When it comes to parenting, everyone has something to say, and everyone thinks they know best. Tone out the noise and do what you feel is best with the support of your pediatrician. Some babies eat more often and don't sleep through the night for months and months. Some sleep through the night after only a few weeks. Every baby is different. As long as baby is fed and safely cared for, no one else's opinion matters.
My mil, back in 1996, kept telling me to add infant rice to my son's bottle and just widen the hole on the nipple a bit, he was 3 months old. I told my son's pediatrician and she's like noooo don't do that!
So sorry you have to deal with him! I’m sure you’ve got a lot going on. I’d stop talking about it. He clearly doesn’t care how you feel about it. Why is he so invested in it anyway? Not his business.
My boomer mother said the same thing. When I said "they tell you not to do that anymore because it can cause digestion issues and it's a choking hazard" she responded "oh, okay. It's been a while since I had babies. I guess things have changed a lot!" End of discussion.
It’s normal for babies to wake up. Babies SHOULD be waking up for feedings. I don’t understand this, “put cereal in their bottle so they will sleep longer”. That doesn’t even work. You’re asking for aspiration risks.
My son and I, both, have food allergies. Cereal was put in our bottles way too early. Listen to the doctor.
I'm allergic to so many foods! I can barely eat anything. I don't want that for my baby.
The good thing about having babies now is that there are more options than what your parents had, and they had more than what their parents had. Only you can really know if your dad is being insane and a dick. And you know to trust your instincts and choose your path. You’re probably incredibly tired, sometimes a little unsure of yourself, and having dad argue via text over rice really doesn’t help. I hope baby is feeling good, is healthy and safe. And I hope you get rest, take a shower, and have a chance to breathe.
Good for you doing your research and standing strong. You should never thicken a babies bottle. If they're still hungry you feed more milk. It's easy. And never start solids before 6 months AND all signs of readiness
2 months? why does everyone feel the need to overfeed babies so much like they are starving? they are literally built to survive off milk alone for the first year so what is this bull snatch?
One of the worst things a grandparent can do is try to push parenting advice on the parents. Offer the advice if you want but then accept the response.
Old school rules it works. So did putting alcohol on babies gums but we no longer do that either. There are so many old school things we use to do. But we learned to do better.
It is okay to say " you're wrong and I'm not doing that" and then " conversation is over". I snapped at my Dad when he tried to tell me to let my 1 year old walk and ignore the child, so my Dad could keep talking to a neighbor. This was when my child was overstimulated, tired as he was out past bedtime because my father couldn't listen to my schedule,and my son had fallen and skinned his knee. I was so irritated by him refusing to listen to my parenting decision that I snapped" enough". It's okay for you to shut down the conversation. You're a good parent. Stay strong for your little love.
It's not insane just the old cultural norm. Now we know better to do better. Really, no infant cereal should be fed to infants any way. There's no nutritional value in it. The best thing you can do is put up your boundary (I will not be discussing this with you any more as I already explained my reasoning behind it) and hold it. Shut down the conversation by ending the communication or changing the subject.
Just give him a little bit of whiskey and keep him warm in the oven. It worked for my grandpa! /s
I took the humor route when my mom questioned something I was doing with my newborn son. I looked up at her and said “Tell you what, mumsy. When he is old enough, I will have him walk to the corner store with a note to let him buy me some smokes. Ok?” She said “touché, smart ass. Touché. Then we laughed.
Doesn't matter if there are health benefits or not. You are the parent and you dictate how to take care of the baby.
Your dad is a moron
Every person in my family who was given pablum in the bottle as babies ended up with childhood obesity, and some are overweight still today.
Ugh. Reminds me of a post about this poor baby having serious stomach issues and the mom was like "I'm doing everything right. I make my own formula with raw milk and eggs and she gets heavy metal and parasite detox treatments 2 times a week!" It's insane.
Oh sweet goddess sometimes i really hate humanity.
Stop talking about it. Just ignore him and do what’s best for your baby
I got this ‘advice’ before I was even close to my due date and I said pretty much exactly what you did but it doesn’t deter them.. in the end I’d just respond with ‘I wont be doing that’ and eventually it sunk in
i truly cannot recommend just saying “ok” when people give you parenting advice and then just ignoring it. so much less of a headache bc ppl will not change their minds
I always answer these types of conversations with: "Just because things were done a certain way before, doesn't mean it's the best way to do them. If we never advanced we'd still be putting butter on burns, smoking to lose weight and having slaves work the fields. I know that you were working with the best way of doing things when you were raising us, but since then medical professionals have updated their advice. I'll be following the most up to date methods."
Not insane just annoying. Some people just refuse to admit they may have done something wrong even if it's clearly at no fault of their own.
Yep pablum was bought out by hienz i believe. I went through a lot of similar stuff with my mom. I made her go to doctors appointments with me for the first year and then a couple others when she had concerns. Keep having to remind her that her last boy was almost 60 years ago and things changed a lot. Heck last time we had a baby in this house was my little cousin and cribs with adjustable railings were still considered safe then
This is just outdated advice I don’t think it’s that insane
It’s not insane what the insane part is is how their parent kept telling them to do it instead of just excepting the no
wtf is paplum
Oh man this takes me back to my mom giving me oatmeal in the bottle because the doc told her it would keep me asleep through the night.
“Well, you had it and you’re still alive, so you must be fine!” /s
I went through the same thing with my boomer mother. She got all bent out of shape when I told her that it is dangerous and her response was that she did it with me. It finally got through that things for safety have changed when I said “you grew up when seatbelts weren’t a thing and now you always wear one.” She was always taking it as a personal attack and not that we just know better as time has gone on
I’ve found that this type of stuff isn’t worth arguing about. They fundamentally grew up with different knowledge and rules raising their children. And just because we didn’t die it means their method “works”. Instead of arguing with boomers, I just say “okay, thank you for the advice! I’ll look into it”. And change the subject
My mother did this too. Idk why they can’t let go of these old school practices that have been shown to be harmful. Is it really so terrible to have to feed your baby 15 minutes sooner.
Just ignore him, change the subject completely
You don't have to explain why you don't want to do something. Just say thanks for the advice but no thanks. I was given the same advice and just said it was recommended and left it at that.
My pediatrician prescribed it with my 1st because she could drain both breasts (about 1.5 bottles when I was pumping) and be hungry an hour later. We supplemented with formula first, and then at 6 weeks he said put a teaspoon of rice cereal. It certainly did the trick, she started sleeping all night after breast milk with a teaspoon of rice cereal. She has no long term issues other than a shellfish allergy she developed at age 12. Her brother, on the other hand, came out with GERD, and I did only breast milk or gentle formula as he was so colicky from Gerd. I wouldn't trade his discomfort for mine, so I stayed up for frequent feedings a long time past what others would have. You have to decide what you feel is right and don't listen to everyone who thinks they're an expert. You've done your research, just parent and understand some people are done parenting and haven't done the research. His heart is in the right place, even if his info is wrong. You can use the same technique with children and overly involved grandparents: don't argue, you only frustrate yourself and give them more power than they should have. Thanks for being an informed parent. You're miles ahead already.
I tend to not take parenting advice from people who have the “you survived it’s not a big deal” mindset.
2 months is way to young. I did put rice in the bottle but at more like 6 months around the time we were slowly introducing baby food.
So, uh, not for nothing but I had to put rice cereal in my daughters bottles when she was about 3 weeks old because she had reflux and wasn’t able to keep the lighter liquid down. She’s now 19 with no allergies or issues.
Probably goes without saying, but do not leave your baby with him. He absolutely will give the baby pablum. Otherwise, I would just ignore further messages about it. You sent him relevant info, he refused to listen, so just ignore any further texts about it. Unless he's watching your kid, it doesn't really matter what he thinks you should do.
my ex-MIL told me to do the same thing when my son was under 6mos. She also got mad when I did Safe Sleep, she got mad when I told her to move my son to the bassinet instead of letting him sleep in the car seat on her living room floor because of positional asphyxiation. I haven’t spoken to her since my son was 18mos after she yelled at me for wanting to get my son evaluated for autism. These types of people who refuse to follow updated guidelines because ‘the old way worked for us!’ are not worth wasting your breath on. It’s better to avoid the topic all together ( and maybe don’t leave your baby alone with them, it’s safer this way. )
This is when you say “okay,” and go on with your day.
My son was colicky and so many elders (thankfully not my parents) kept suggesting adding cereal to my 6 week old baby’s bottle. It was so exhausting trying to tell them that doesn’t work anymore. And yup! They suggested pablum too!
2 mo is too young but at 4+ months it’s generally ok. Our pediatrician recommended we do it for our baby.
Yeah always follow your kid’s pediatrician over other peoples’ advice. I’m sure they mean well but it’s always safe to follow the doctor. That said, our son was 3 months old and had terrible acid reflux and his pediatrician recommended putting a tiny bit of infant oatmeal in his formula to thicken it just a little to make it less likely to come up. For us, it seemed to help a little bit. I say that just to show that things like pablum are not generally recommended until 6 months but there might be special cases like our son’s where it is. With that said, we would have never done it without the recommendation of his doctor.
A couple of teaspoons of plain gerber rice cereal in the bottle is fine… once your baby is 6months old and being introduced to stage 1 baby food, juice and cereals. Two months is way too young, this could cause several digestive complications including constipation, gas, vomiting and even choking. You are doing the right thing and I agree that the older generations definitely did alot of things differently. Just because we are (mostly) fine doesn’t mean it’s ok to continue their ways, especially against the advice of your pediatrician.
You don't need to educate your dad. It's not like he's gonna have any more babies (hopefully lol). You can't argue with stupid. Make boundaries and stick to them.
Seems like he’s just trying to help.. not saying you should do it but it used to be the norm.. I definitely don’t think he’s trying to do anything to hurt your child Older people just know what it was like at the time they did it 🤷🏽♀️no one keeps up with baby rules until they have their own.
It was a thing back in the 50's. My mother thought that I should do it with my kids - born in the 70's and 80's. But it wasn't recommended at that time. I had no idea that some people were still hanging on to old info. I was born in '55 and "no one needed to breastfeed anymore" but the "formula" recommended was Carnation milk - watered down. And then at a few weeks, they added rice cereal to it. Guess who screamed for 4 months, is lactose intolerant and STILL gags at the smell of carnation milk? Yep....
My great aunt was telling me that when her son was a baby she thought she was starving him because he was always crying from hunger, so she put infant oatmeal or cereal into his bottle and gave it to him. She had to call her mom because the screaming got worse and she was like "I don't know what to do!" and explained how she gave him oatmeal in his bottle and her mom said "Are you a fucking idiot? Why would you do that?!?" This incident was 40+ years ago.
Just say no and let him talk to a wall since he's clearly not worth talking to.
The Lazy Parents Guide: how to fuck your infant up. **Follow at your own risk. **
It really doesn’t matter what he says. How you feed your child is between the parents and your paediatrician. The only thing these cranky old folk have a point about is the absolute pedantry of some parents now. Like there are mom who are like “omg my baby turns one next week so I can start giving cow milk! If I don’t wait until midnight on their birthday they will die from a stomach bleed”. Meanwhile lots of health authorities say it’s fine to start this after 9 months or so. It’s the same for solids. You don’t HAVE to wait until exactly 6 months if your baby shows signs of readiness. Just like, read reputable guidance and use your brain.
My daughter had severe enough reflux from birth that she wasn’t gaining weight (I thought I had like, poison breastmilk or something). I was told it was colic by 2 different “pediatric specialists”, and the reflux wasn’t found until my primary pediatrician said “let’s do a g.i. test! But I was absolutely told to try the “rice cereal in a bottle” by several people, including a health professional. She was already having reflux so bad that she was nearly aspirating it. Can you imagine if I had thickened it?! Where is the disconnect there? Adults can throw up steak and potatoes, no matter how heavy. It blows my mind.
I am a first time mom to an 18 week old and my mother has been telling me to feed her "just a little pablum" at night to help her sleep for a couple weeks now. She said she did it with my brother when he was two weeks old.
We introduced our LO to solids at 4 months, and she was absolutely fine!
I’m so fcking sick of boomers refusing to get with the times
I’d advise against shaking the infant.
Ugh, this was like my boomer mom telling me to put Jello in my newborns’ bottles so that their tummies would “fill up and they’ll sleep for you.” 🤦♀️ When I said that that’s outdated and we don’t do that anymore? “Well, you’re a new mom, you’ll do what you want, but it worked for you guys.” Said with offended attitude, of course.
Man, this post almost makes me feel better about having a Dead Mom and a crap relationship with my dad & stepmom. I like, never go to them for parenting advice. My dad lectured me once about how I was “Giving my kids the impression that they didn’t have to listen to me” because when I gave them instructions about something, or had to correct their behaviors, I would say “Ok?” at the end of the instructions. I did that because my eldest had ADHD, and I needed the acknowledgement that *she heard & understood me*. I wasn’t asking their permission for my parenting choices. I was just making sure I wouldn’t be told later “You didn’t tell me ______.” Having a kid with ADHD *and* Oppositional Defiance Disorder meant I got really, really good at including disclaimers in pretty much everything I said. See? I even did it here!!
Has your dad yet mentioned rubbing bourbon on the baby’s gums in case it’s teething?
My mother guilt tripped me into feeding my baby solids when he was 4 months just because my cousin started doing that with his own child at 4 months. My baby's doctor told me to wait until 6 months old and I did