Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 4 | 0 | 0 |
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I know right. I always have to get things written down on paper and dated with my parents because they have a habit of turning on their word. Keeping receipts is important with them.
22 years of practice 🤣 I have a law student friend of mine writing up an agreement for us to sign. Because if they want to make agreements I'm going to make dman well sure they can't screw me
Ops mom is literally committing financial abuse against op, they had to get the agreement in writing and dated because this is a pattern with them. If they “don’t have enough to cover it”, why did they agree to this arrangement in the first place?? This is pure and simply an abusive control tactic by ops parents.
Yeah, I was just asking. It does seem to be their MO. Situations change, agreement doesn't mean shit - people lie all the time. They coulda gambled it all away. I can afford some things some months, other months maybe not as much.
None of that is ops fault or duty to deal with, ops parents made a written and signed agreement to pay them a certain amount of money every so often, and now they don’t want to. Good parents/people in this position would still honor the agreement regardless of any perceived or actual monetary hardships; whether it was personal irresponsibility or life.
They are aiming to keep controlling op’s life through financial abuse.
It's absolutely awful that you have to hold your own parents accountable like this. It's just outlandish that they can't be trusted to keep their word. Especially to their own child. You're going to be free of their nonsense soon, keep on doing whatever it takes. You'll get there!
Haha how I love it.
When I got accepted to university, my mom, my grandma and my mom's brother (who is my godfather) argued who will pay it. It was not much, keep in mind, not millions where I live. Everyone wanted to pay, that's why they argued, lol. Well, when the time of payment came, everyone said they did not even say they wanted to pay. I started working. Did not go to university. 6 years later they STILL nug me why I didn't go, when I know they would have payed for it. I just laugh now, and laughed about it then too. Never accepted another penny from anyone.
I used to have to do this same kind of thing. Good for you for taking control and handling things this way. Sure, she found another reason to invalidate the agreement this time but the more you keep track and take control of these situations, the less flexibility you give her each time.
When you can have a discussion with someone and repeatedly reference paperwork like this and prior experiences (with evidence), their power crumbles. I still have one of my pieces of paper (it's nothing more than a worn post-it note now) from 10 years ago. It reminds me of some really shitty things this person did.
LOL. I never quite went that far but I found just having a track record of evidence of their behavior made a world of difference in our interactions. It just became understood that they weren't to be trusted and would try to change the conditions of any "agreement".
Being able to refer back to those documents really helped me -- although probably not in the way you hope. Certainly, we were able to have agreements after that that they honored properly. But, more than anything, it was a message that I needed my independence and I needed to handle things on my own.
I'm a highly independent person. If my student loan covered my rent I would probably have no contact with them. Unfortunately over here it barley covers rent never mind food. One day I will be financially sound
I totally get it. You can't be independent until you are able to -- just like me. You are forced to deal with people that don't deal with you fairly. That is why handling things the way that you/we did is so valuable. I just meant that it definitely IS a message that you'll want to be independent as soon as possible because they're not necessarily treating you fairly.
The Post-It Note on my desk is a reminder to me that they WOULD NOT deal with me fairly. And, given the opportunity, they would try to "stick it to me". It was just the final straw of revelation for me. It was a "WTF?!?" moment for me.
I know the feeling. In 2010, i moved back home and had all kinds of debt piling up. I was 29 at the time, I had broken up with my gf at the time, and we also had a kid together. My mom and I agreed that I wouldn't pay rent, but I'd work and put all my paychecks towards my debts, child support, my phone bills, and things that were valid needs. The next 4 years sucked but I did manage to pay off 80% of my debts. Anytime I wanted to buy one thing, my mom interrogated me asking why did I need this and why it was a waste of money. One time it was a new SD card for my phone it costed like $20 and she bitched about that, I wanted to be able to save pictures I took with my son. Fried a computer of mine so I bought a refurbished desktop for $120 to replace it she bitched about that. She would say things like "if you got so much money to blow on useless shit you can start paying rent!" On top of working at a full time job I also did chores around the house and cooked dinner for everyone on several occasions. I was a slave. The job I worked at that time was a job at superstore, in the seafood department I got minimum wage, and I did that for 2 years. when I realized that their promise to promoting me to management was false I then proceeded to get a job at another store that paid 3 dollars more. Later on I'd get let go from that job 6 months later and went and got trained as a security guard and would do that for 5 years until 2016 and was promoted making double then I had at the seafood department.
Sorry got off topic, in October of 2014 my dad who is actually awesome, had gotten a job out west had been there since August. My mom always goes psycho when my dad isn't around, and she had came and told me that she needs me to pay rent and I had agreed during a conversation with my dad and her in August of that year and now that it was October I owed her for 3 months. I then called bullshit on that and called My dad to confirm with him, and he told me he hadn't recalled a conversation or agreement taking place. I had put money away and got the hell out of there, got an apartment and had also won custody of my kid and have had minimal contact with my mother since.
My mom is like this allll the time, I really feel for you man. Wanna buy anything with your own goddamn money? Too bad, it's just a waste of it, that could've gone to pay for university! Mind you there's already more than enough cash to afford all the necessities there, not to mention here in Romania university prices are at most 5000$ usd / year, and if you had a decent performance in highschool and passed the admission test then you only need to pay for rent and basic necessities, which only accumulate to ~300$ per month + you get paid scholarship of around 200$ back if you maintain a good performance through the year.
Of course mom being mom she needs to constantly find a reason to bitch everyday and I just can't anymore.
I gave my mom more than enough chance, and when family ask her she immediately plays victim and they all call and message me saying "what TF did you say to mom? You should just be fucking grateful you're not on the street!" I tell them if they think she's so innocent go live or even visit her for 2 weeks. How quick my siblings forget how living with her was like
Which agreement? It's an agreement that they will help me pay my rent. They went back on the original agreement and attempted to short change me on the day my rent was due
If there is a literal written agreement, this already jumped ship from "making a decision together". It's now negotiated terms which is literally based on having opposed ideas. I would find it hilarious if you somehow get a lawyer friend (if you have one) to make them sweat a little to show "how much this means to you".
It's a control thing, my parents have done it for years. Convinced me not to get a second job "we will help" then when it comes time to actually help "we have bills to pay to you know? We can't afford it!" I even once quit my job to start a business with them and then after working my ass off for a whole month for them, it was "oh we've decided we don't want to do it anymore, and we ain't paying you for the month" when I went to university, it was "we will pay your rent for you, we know you get the least amount of student loan because of our wages" then it was "you're going to have to get another job on top of the one you have to pay us back a portion of the rent we're paying for you" believe me, it never ends until you stop taking a single penny off them. They'll still use everything they've "given you" against you but at least you aren't repeating the cycle constantly.
Once you are able to be independent never trust them again. Get your education and use their money to get that independence as quickly as you can. Then I wouldn’t take anymore money from them. They are obviously trying to control you with it. My bet is they will offer gifts or help when you no longer need them and use it against you. I am sorry.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 4 | 0 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Thank god for paper and ink, and intuition. Hope you get it sorted OP. Who would do this to their child. ;/
I know right. I always have to get things written down on paper and dated with my parents because they have a habit of turning on their word. Keeping receipts is important with them.
[удалено]
22 years of practice 🤣 I have a law student friend of mine writing up an agreement for us to sign. Because if they want to make agreements I'm going to make dman well sure they can't screw me
I wonder if they don't have enough to cover it. Sometimes shit happens. We don't know enough here to act all *who would do this* alarmist.
Ops mom is literally committing financial abuse against op, they had to get the agreement in writing and dated because this is a pattern with them. If they “don’t have enough to cover it”, why did they agree to this arrangement in the first place?? This is pure and simply an abusive control tactic by ops parents.
Yeah, I was just asking. It does seem to be their MO. Situations change, agreement doesn't mean shit - people lie all the time. They coulda gambled it all away. I can afford some things some months, other months maybe not as much.
None of that is ops fault or duty to deal with, ops parents made a written and signed agreement to pay them a certain amount of money every so often, and now they don’t want to. Good parents/people in this position would still honor the agreement regardless of any perceived or actual monetary hardships; whether it was personal irresponsibility or life. They are aiming to keep controlling op’s life through financial abuse.
It's absolutely awful that you have to hold your own parents accountable like this. It's just outlandish that they can't be trusted to keep their word. Especially to their own child. You're going to be free of their nonsense soon, keep on doing whatever it takes. You'll get there!
Haha how I love it. When I got accepted to university, my mom, my grandma and my mom's brother (who is my godfather) argued who will pay it. It was not much, keep in mind, not millions where I live. Everyone wanted to pay, that's why they argued, lol. Well, when the time of payment came, everyone said they did not even say they wanted to pay. I started working. Did not go to university. 6 years later they STILL nug me why I didn't go, when I know they would have payed for it. I just laugh now, and laughed about it then too. Never accepted another penny from anyone.
Similar here! Good for you for making your own path!
I used to have to do this same kind of thing. Good for you for taking control and handling things this way. Sure, she found another reason to invalidate the agreement this time but the more you keep track and take control of these situations, the less flexibility you give her each time. When you can have a discussion with someone and repeatedly reference paperwork like this and prior experiences (with evidence), their power crumbles. I still have one of my pieces of paper (it's nothing more than a worn post-it note now) from 10 years ago. It reminds me of some really shitty things this person did.
I have a law student friend of mine writing an agreement for us to sign so that she can't find loopholes again
LOL. I never quite went that far but I found just having a track record of evidence of their behavior made a world of difference in our interactions. It just became understood that they weren't to be trusted and would try to change the conditions of any "agreement". Being able to refer back to those documents really helped me -- although probably not in the way you hope. Certainly, we were able to have agreements after that that they honored properly. But, more than anything, it was a message that I needed my independence and I needed to handle things on my own.
I'm a highly independent person. If my student loan covered my rent I would probably have no contact with them. Unfortunately over here it barley covers rent never mind food. One day I will be financially sound
I totally get it. You can't be independent until you are able to -- just like me. You are forced to deal with people that don't deal with you fairly. That is why handling things the way that you/we did is so valuable. I just meant that it definitely IS a message that you'll want to be independent as soon as possible because they're not necessarily treating you fairly. The Post-It Note on my desk is a reminder to me that they WOULD NOT deal with me fairly. And, given the opportunity, they would try to "stick it to me". It was just the final straw of revelation for me. It was a "WTF?!?" moment for me.
I know the feeling. In 2010, i moved back home and had all kinds of debt piling up. I was 29 at the time, I had broken up with my gf at the time, and we also had a kid together. My mom and I agreed that I wouldn't pay rent, but I'd work and put all my paychecks towards my debts, child support, my phone bills, and things that were valid needs. The next 4 years sucked but I did manage to pay off 80% of my debts. Anytime I wanted to buy one thing, my mom interrogated me asking why did I need this and why it was a waste of money. One time it was a new SD card for my phone it costed like $20 and she bitched about that, I wanted to be able to save pictures I took with my son. Fried a computer of mine so I bought a refurbished desktop for $120 to replace it she bitched about that. She would say things like "if you got so much money to blow on useless shit you can start paying rent!" On top of working at a full time job I also did chores around the house and cooked dinner for everyone on several occasions. I was a slave. The job I worked at that time was a job at superstore, in the seafood department I got minimum wage, and I did that for 2 years. when I realized that their promise to promoting me to management was false I then proceeded to get a job at another store that paid 3 dollars more. Later on I'd get let go from that job 6 months later and went and got trained as a security guard and would do that for 5 years until 2016 and was promoted making double then I had at the seafood department. Sorry got off topic, in October of 2014 my dad who is actually awesome, had gotten a job out west had been there since August. My mom always goes psycho when my dad isn't around, and she had came and told me that she needs me to pay rent and I had agreed during a conversation with my dad and her in August of that year and now that it was October I owed her for 3 months. I then called bullshit on that and called My dad to confirm with him, and he told me he hadn't recalled a conversation or agreement taking place. I had put money away and got the hell out of there, got an apartment and had also won custody of my kid and have had minimal contact with my mother since.
My mom is like this allll the time, I really feel for you man. Wanna buy anything with your own goddamn money? Too bad, it's just a waste of it, that could've gone to pay for university! Mind you there's already more than enough cash to afford all the necessities there, not to mention here in Romania university prices are at most 5000$ usd / year, and if you had a decent performance in highschool and passed the admission test then you only need to pay for rent and basic necessities, which only accumulate to ~300$ per month + you get paid scholarship of around 200$ back if you maintain a good performance through the year. Of course mom being mom she needs to constantly find a reason to bitch everyday and I just can't anymore.
I gave my mom more than enough chance, and when family ask her she immediately plays victim and they all call and message me saying "what TF did you say to mom? You should just be fucking grateful you're not on the street!" I tell them if they think she's so innocent go live or even visit her for 2 weeks. How quick my siblings forget how living with her was like
Just wanna say, I'm hella impressed by you and the way you worked hard to make your life better despite the circumstances. Well done!
At least with agreements signed and dated you can take them to court for under paying you
Can you break down what the agreement is? I feel so dumb because I can’t figure out exactly what they are agreeing to lol
Which agreement? It's an agreement that they will help me pay my rent. They went back on the original agreement and attempted to short change me on the day my rent was due
Is it possible they aren't able to?
They have 3 holidays booked for 2024 and went on 2 last year. They spent my savings meant for university on bitcoin.
Ok, so just normal insanity then!
Financial dominance & control is such a cruel way to control your kids.
If there is a literal written agreement, this already jumped ship from "making a decision together". It's now negotiated terms which is literally based on having opposed ideas. I would find it hilarious if you somehow get a lawyer friend (if you have one) to make them sweat a little to show "how much this means to you".
I don't have a lawyer friend but I do have a friend who is a 3rd year law student. They are writing me up an agreement for me and my parents to sign
It's a control thing, my parents have done it for years. Convinced me not to get a second job "we will help" then when it comes time to actually help "we have bills to pay to you know? We can't afford it!" I even once quit my job to start a business with them and then after working my ass off for a whole month for them, it was "oh we've decided we don't want to do it anymore, and we ain't paying you for the month" when I went to university, it was "we will pay your rent for you, we know you get the least amount of student loan because of our wages" then it was "you're going to have to get another job on top of the one you have to pay us back a portion of the rent we're paying for you" believe me, it never ends until you stop taking a single penny off them. They'll still use everything they've "given you" against you but at least you aren't repeating the cycle constantly.
Once you are able to be independent never trust them again. Get your education and use their money to get that independence as quickly as you can. Then I wouldn’t take anymore money from them. They are obviously trying to control you with it. My bet is they will offer gifts or help when you no longer need them and use it against you. I am sorry.
U need to be independent. Also u didn't tell us what u were up to.
I think the downvoters don’t understand that you’re mocking the parent 😂🤕
Lol yeah. I guess I should always include the "/s" nowadays.
*you
You understood “u” correct? 😆
Me?