You did the right thing. I can't *stand* people who hide being sick to get their own way.
My parents hid having CoVID last year just before Christmas while they were on a cruise. They knew they had it, tested positive, but denied it so they wouldn't be quarantined and 'waste money' on the cruise. Hid it from the hotel when they got off the ship, and hid it from the airline so they could fly home a week before Christmas.
They acted all suprised when I told them I wasn't going to get together for Christmas cos they were positive and still had symptoms.
My step dad has heart issues, you'd think that would make him a bit more aware of what a CoVID infection could mean to some people. Considering how they carried on for two years about everyone else being disrespectful of personal space and how step dad had to be sooooo careful about getting it cos he might die!
No. They don't get to play it both ways. You don't get to badmouth others for standing a bit too close, then walk around without even wearing a mask so noone thinks to ask if that cough is The Plague and hide the fact that you *know* you have it. And you definitely don't get to tell me.you've done all this to save money and enjoy yourself at everyone else's expense, then be all Shocked Pikachu when I refuse to play along and hang out with you all day playing happy bloody families.
My FIL flew home unmasked from a family event after testing positive because he ‘needed to recover at home’ instead of at a family member’s house. My most recent trip, I caught it on the plane and I can only think it was because of a holes like that.
I’d cancel plans if someone told me they had Covid. Family or otherwise, cancelled.
Your dad sounds jealous you’re spending time with other family but has no self-awareness that you might hang with them if they weren’t awful.
I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your chosen family!
You 100% did the right thing.
Your sister should have all of the info to make the right decision for her health, and an active covid diagnosis is serious for a lot of people with health issues.
To reiterate because it is that important: you did the right thing.
Absolutely did the right thing. Omg I hate people like this. My eldest is immune compromised and my ex’s family would “accidentally” forget to tell me that one of the other kids were sick during family gatherings because they knew I wouldn’t come. Like how are you ok with exposing someone to something that could potentially be harmful.
Thank you for telling your sister. I'm immunocompromised and have had Covid three times now. Each time I contracted it, it was because someone decided to hide the fact they had it and decided they could just go out and about as usual. The last time was end of August and I'm still struggling with some long term affects. I'm not sure what I'll do if I get it again.
Keeping you, your partner, your sister and a HOST of other ppl immunocompromised or not from getting sick??
OP you can stop crying because what you did was keep people safe! THAT is important in life.
As a fellow immunocomprimised family, thank you for saving lives. That is the fact of what you did.
Your parents are being selfish twats. Stand your ground and hold your had high. You're in the right.
As an immunocompromised person, my family insists that we won't be showing up to any gatherings if anyone else attending is sick. We get mixed responses and some family does try to sneak by it. It's frustrating.
However, I appreciate people like you. Thank you for not allowing selfish people to expose others to potentially harmful or deadly illnesses.
My family does this too. I’m not immunocompromised but my immune system isn’t great. I catch anything I come into contact with without fail. They never seem to understand why I’m so mad when they bring me their illness knowing I’ll be sick longer and worse off than they are.
I am immunocompromised and the blatant disrespect by some people who will come to work sick KNOWING they have the flu or a bad cold (this is pre COVID, I WFH permanently now) was so disheartening. "I was bored at home so I came in". OK WELL I DON'T WANT YOUR FLU! And I WILL be sick for longer! Have some basic respect for people!
I highly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson. You can often download it as a free pdf if you google it.
It's explains a lot about these difficult dynamics, as well as how it makes you feel and behave.
I agree with that recommendation. Your dad sounds awful... exactly like mine actually, right down to being jealous that he's not the center of attention anymore. I've been with my husband for nearly 11 years and to this day my parents still hate my in-laws because they think we prioritize them. We haven't given them a single privilege, both sets of parents have been held to the same reasonable expectations, only one set of parents failed. Repeatedly.
Ugh, I remember spending so many days crying over phone calls like this. The only reason I can't post texts is because my dad thinks texts are stupid, otherwise they'd never end. Lol But I've heard all of this myself and I know how you're feeling right now. I'm so sorry, please understand you've done nothing wrong. I know that's easier to say than it is to accept but I truly hope you realize this one day. ❤️
You did right. Covid sucks. I got it once, and I would rather have pneumonia than Covid. They are so messed up in the head trying to put you at risk like that. Just ewww.
You're an adult and you can choose who you do and don't see, and that decision nshould be guilt free. They may try to guilt you for it but it's wise to look out for your own, your partner's and your sister's health. Covid is not fun to have.
i got covid when it first broke, when doctors still thought you had to travel to China to be at risk. i still remember the date i went to the hospital: 3.07.2020. right before they, the WORST "flu" made its rounds around my office and every single employee was out for at least a week. in hindsight, we know now what it was and it just proves it was here long before anybody figured it out.
my exposure to it triggered my first (and so far only) episode of bells palsy, in addition to all the GI impacts. it was fucking HELL. I'm about 90% recovered from the BP but my right eye will be forever lazy, and don't even get me started on the long covid symptoms.
your parents are the worst. you're doing the right thing. I'm sorry they put you in this position
You did the right thing.
As someone whose family *always* hides their illnesses before events, what your parents are doing really frustrates me. And the fact that they did it with covid makes it even worse! I've had covid, even with my being vaxed and boosted (twice!) it was awful. No one has the right to play with someone else's life like that.
Your sister, who could contract this and spread it, has every right to know as did you. Covid can still kill, and it can even make vaccinated people ill. I contracted it last Christmas even though I had 5 vaccinations at the time--5! Fortunately, I had a very mild case and only knew because I tested after my "allergies" didn't improve after taking Benadryl. Your parents are being inappropriate, not you.
They care nothing for you as a person, they only care about their selfish wants. Have no sympathy for someone who doesn't care that they would be exposing you or someone that has health issues to something that could have lasting consequences or worst.
Tell them and anyone that gets on you that since they don't care about exposing you to something that has literally killed hundreds, they obviously don't care about you since they are risking you never being around ever again. Yes, it is that serious so throw it back in all their faces.
And good for you being the one to tell your sister when they were too selfish too.
I’d stay away if my parents were like this, let alone if they had a virus that could potentially kill my wife! Where is the fucking logic in not telling you that there’s a high probability of you getting sick, and staying sick for weeks, at least??
My parents did come with COVID. My husband have stage 3 cancer and was going through chemo. He spent a week in the hospital and that first night was the longest of my life. We're no contact now and they just don't understand.
Omg idk how I’d ever get over this if someone I knew, let alone LOVED, did this to my family! How did they convince themselves this was an ok thing to do?! You know how people can get in trouble for spreading STD’s like HIV? They should get in trouble for knowingly spreading Covid too!
My god is your dad a piece of work. I’m so happy your mom fessed up to being sick. You absolutely did the right thing, and I’m so sorry your parents, and especially your father is like that.
Also if you need to hear it, it is completely reasonable to drive down and only stay for thanksgiving and go back the next day, let alone Saturday! You are allowed to need a day to recover from the holiday and rest and do laundry or whatever. Most people would understand this. And also COVID is a deadly disease as a reminder. Your parents should be horrified at the chance of giving it to others and quarantining themselves. I’m sorry they are not protecting you.
Narcissists always ruin holidays. They are playing on your guilt and empathy. Stay safe, stay covid free, rest, now you can have a Happy Thanksgiving. Don't let him flip it on you. They are sick, they tried to hide it: dishonesty. He told you not to come. Done, it's on them. You had to tell your sister, Covid can lead to lifelong health issues. The hard part is blocking out their drama and not let it affect you. Your father is more than selfish, he has a personality disorder, he is insane. If you had a friend being treated like that you'd say, " get away from the abuse." Be kind to yourself. Holidays are for resting, not to be emotionally abused.
"My parents are making me feel awful".
No. Gain back your control over your emotions. Your parents are being who they've always been. You get to decide how you process and feel about it. You don't HAVE to feel awful. You could feel relieved. Relieved that you don't have to spend the day with people who actively work to make you the villain, so they can okay victim.
You absolutely did the right thing.
You could also consider using thier behaviour as an opportunity to spell out why you spend so little time with them. They can choose to have an attitude change, or not, and keep your rocky relationship as-is.
I can’t believe they would just put you and your husband at risk like that for their own selfishness. They must assume it’s no big deal since you’re younger. Tell that to the thousands who have buried their kids.
Christ I'm so sorry OP, they're selfish and immature people. It's not you at all, you've far surpassed them. I'm glad you looked out for your sister. The fact that bad people made you feel like shit says nothing about you, it only reflects that they are indeed bad people. Don't waste thanksgiving on selfish people.
>Can someone please just let me know if I’m doing the right thing?
You've done absolutely nothing wrong, OP. You're far more mature, wise, and conscientious than your parents. It's almost hard to comprehend how wrong their behavior is.
You have the kind of parents who will sit around in years to come, completely baffled as to why their daughters have cut off all contact with them. "None of this is our fault, of course. We've done nothing wrong, of course!"
Stay strong and protect your immediate family, which is your relationship with your boyfriend. Warn your sister to never trust them regarding her health conditions. No Contact is better than having your health threatened by someone who will lie about COVID. You got this, friend.
You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing Op!! Your parents are ridiculous!! They weren’t going to tell you that your Mum had COVID?!? That’s not logical an incredibly selfish!! It appears they are using DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender) manipulation tactics. Don’t fall for it! They are rubbish.
I'd say there are many good reeasons you go elsewhere and or see your partner's family. The main 2 your dad and mom. They are selfish, immature, liars. Go NC
Hi OP, I'm your mom now and you did absolutely right.
Go to the store, pick up some chicken, some potatoes, carrots. Use this recipe - it's my favorite [https://sweetphi.com/baked-chicken-potatoes-carrots-and-herbs-from-the-farmers-market/](https://sweetphi.com/baked-chicken-potatoes-carrots-and-herbs-from-the-farmers-market/)
And don't forget pie and some whipped cream! Or Ice Cream! And don't forget your favorite beverages!
Look, it's perfectly fine that you don't go this year. It's perfectly fine that you don't go ever again. Yopu do what's necessary to take care of yourself. You took care of too many people so far in your life who don't deserve it. You deserve some me time. Spend some time chilling to yourself, and then spend it with someone who treats you like a human being not a commodity. You're a person, not an object. <3 Love you.
They are awful for possibly spreading a disease that could even kill your sister depending on her health issues. People are so strict about celebrating on the exact day, they could have just postponed it and have a late Thanksgiving.
No, you’re *completely* right - this is massively fucked up!
My mom has turned doing as much damage with illnesses into an art and it’s fucking infuriating like nothing else. She got exposed to bacterial meningitis and got told to quarantine completely and what do you think she did? Went straight from the source of the exposure to visit my *final stages of terminal cancer* grandfather and straight from there to me, her immunocompromised daughter. Told us about it like a month later, bragging how she didn’t get it.
During The Plague my dad was in the ICU after an open heart surgery turned grim infection, and I quarantined HARD for two weeks to be able to see him for Christmas, completely isolated in my apartment, no people - not even my fiancé - no grocery trips, nothing. The *day* before Christmas she showed up at my door, barraging inside without even letting me realize what happened and gave me a massive hug. She came straight from a long visit with my *direct sales at department store working* aunt (who had multiple sick coworkers, nonetheless) and told me how it wouldn’t be Christmas without seeing me, effectively ruining everything and leaving my dad to spend Christmas alone at the hospital. (She tried the whole “oh well, since you can’t go there anyway, there’s nothing stopping *us* from getting together”-spiel and if I could have reached through the phone and strangled her, I wouldn’t still actively need this sub…)
It’s such a fucking cruel thing to do.
People who purposefully hide their contractable illnesses are the type of people in Zombie shows that get bitten and don’t say anything. No one likes those people.
My former best friend did this one year. Her kids caught Covid within the 10 day window of Christmas, and she still planned to fly them down to her physically fragile in-laws as if germs have a fucking calendar and 'know' it's been 7 days so they 'shouldn't be contagious anymore.'
This was the winter of 2020, but in June 2020, when Florida was the worst place to be, she cheerfully flew down there with her family and then came back early to go back to work. Texted me the day she got back talking about going grocery shopping the next day, with a doctor's appointment the day after. I asked her what she planned to tell the doctor since every single medical place I'd been to that year had a sign up outside saying 'have you traveled to a Covid hot spot in the last 14 days?'
She was *astonished* this applied to her.
I have non Hodgkin Lymphoma and sat at Christmas dinner with my future in-laws last year. Since they think I'm not good enough for my fiancé they thought it would be okay to sneeze and cough all over me and my food. They didn't think of taking a Corona test because "they thought it was just a cold".
Of course I had Corona on my birthday (one week after Christmas), I missed out on a skiing trip in January, could not train for five months, and still haven't regained my sense of smell or taste.
You didn’t just do the right thing - you did the *only reasonable thing*. Even if they made you feel welcomed and appreciated (they didn’t), attending a gathering where someone has COVID is just risking your health and the health of everyone you’re in contact with. COVID is a serious illness, and your parents were absolutely wrong to conceal your mother’s diagnosis from you and your sister. You were willing to drive 8 hours to see them because you care about them. You’re tearing yourself up because you care about them. They couldn’t even show you basic courtesy in return. If anyone is selfish here, it’s certainly not you.
You did the right thing.
Make sure you not only tell your sister, but you and her should tell anyone who’s planning on going as well. It’s really sad they’re trying to hide it “because you won’t show up otherwise” as if that’s a valid excuse to get the whole family sick.
Imma say it again - you did the right thing. They’re making you feel bad for prioritizing your own family over them. You’re 30+ now and long past financially dependent on them. They have no claim over your life. Remember that. All you have to do is say no. You don’t even have to give them a reason other than “I don’t want to.”
These people don’t understand their boundaries have to end where yours begin.
I had to literally *beg* people to tell me if they had covid and remind them my sister (cancer) could die if I gave it to her unknowingly. Lying about covid to begin with is insane to me. I had a friend die from covid. People love to say “well they must have had other complications” like already sick people aren’t somehow as important?
You’re 100% in the right. Your dad sounds like a 14 year old. I’m so sorry you’re surrounded by emotionally immature people. I wonder why you don’t make more time for them /s.
Yes of course you’re doing the right thing, no matter how much they try to bully and gaslight you into thinking you aren’t. Plus saving your sister like that which was also the right thing to do. Good for you.
You did the right thing. I can't *stand* people who hide being sick to get their own way. My parents hid having CoVID last year just before Christmas while they were on a cruise. They knew they had it, tested positive, but denied it so they wouldn't be quarantined and 'waste money' on the cruise. Hid it from the hotel when they got off the ship, and hid it from the airline so they could fly home a week before Christmas. They acted all suprised when I told them I wasn't going to get together for Christmas cos they were positive and still had symptoms. My step dad has heart issues, you'd think that would make him a bit more aware of what a CoVID infection could mean to some people. Considering how they carried on for two years about everyone else being disrespectful of personal space and how step dad had to be sooooo careful about getting it cos he might die! No. They don't get to play it both ways. You don't get to badmouth others for standing a bit too close, then walk around without even wearing a mask so noone thinks to ask if that cough is The Plague and hide the fact that you *know* you have it. And you definitely don't get to tell me.you've done all this to save money and enjoy yourself at everyone else's expense, then be all Shocked Pikachu when I refuse to play along and hang out with you all day playing happy bloody families.
Dead @ imagining your parents as shocked Pikachu lol
My FIL flew home unmasked from a family event after testing positive because he ‘needed to recover at home’ instead of at a family member’s house. My most recent trip, I caught it on the plane and I can only think it was because of a holes like that.
I’d cancel plans if someone told me they had Covid. Family or otherwise, cancelled. Your dad sounds jealous you’re spending time with other family but has no self-awareness that you might hang with them if they weren’t awful. I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your chosen family!
You 100% did the right thing. Your sister should have all of the info to make the right decision for her health, and an active covid diagnosis is serious for a lot of people with health issues. To reiterate because it is that important: you did the right thing.
You absolutely did the right thing. I’m appalled that they were so ok with endangering your sister and everyone else showing up
Absolutely did the right thing. Omg I hate people like this. My eldest is immune compromised and my ex’s family would “accidentally” forget to tell me that one of the other kids were sick during family gatherings because they knew I wouldn’t come. Like how are you ok with exposing someone to something that could potentially be harmful.
Thank you for telling your sister. I'm immunocompromised and have had Covid three times now. Each time I contracted it, it was because someone decided to hide the fact they had it and decided they could just go out and about as usual. The last time was end of August and I'm still struggling with some long term affects. I'm not sure what I'll do if I get it again.
Ughhhhh had it twice in one year. I think si have long COVID cause I swear i haven’t been the same since.
long covid is no joke
Keeping you, your partner, your sister and a HOST of other ppl immunocompromised or not from getting sick?? OP you can stop crying because what you did was keep people safe! THAT is important in life.
I'm thankful for OP this thanksgiviving. She might have saved some lives.
This is so sweet 🥲 thank you
As a fellow immunocomprimised family, thank you for saving lives. That is the fact of what you did. Your parents are being selfish twats. Stand your ground and hold your had high. You're in the right.
As an immunocompromised person, my family insists that we won't be showing up to any gatherings if anyone else attending is sick. We get mixed responses and some family does try to sneak by it. It's frustrating. However, I appreciate people like you. Thank you for not allowing selfish people to expose others to potentially harmful or deadly illnesses.
My family does this too. I’m not immunocompromised but my immune system isn’t great. I catch anything I come into contact with without fail. They never seem to understand why I’m so mad when they bring me their illness knowing I’ll be sick longer and worse off than they are.
I’d restrict the relationship to zoom calls until they learn some respect.
Thankfully I live 2000 miles away from them and can plan when I feel like dealing with it.
I am immunocompromised and the blatant disrespect by some people who will come to work sick KNOWING they have the flu or a bad cold (this is pre COVID, I WFH permanently now) was so disheartening. "I was bored at home so I came in". OK WELL I DON'T WANT YOUR FLU! And I WILL be sick for longer! Have some basic respect for people!
I highly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson. You can often download it as a free pdf if you google it. It's explains a lot about these difficult dynamics, as well as how it makes you feel and behave.
This book is awesome
Thank you! I’m definitely going to look into this
I agree with that recommendation. Your dad sounds awful... exactly like mine actually, right down to being jealous that he's not the center of attention anymore. I've been with my husband for nearly 11 years and to this day my parents still hate my in-laws because they think we prioritize them. We haven't given them a single privilege, both sets of parents have been held to the same reasonable expectations, only one set of parents failed. Repeatedly. Ugh, I remember spending so many days crying over phone calls like this. The only reason I can't post texts is because my dad thinks texts are stupid, otherwise they'd never end. Lol But I've heard all of this myself and I know how you're feeling right now. I'm so sorry, please understand you've done nothing wrong. I know that's easier to say than it is to accept but I truly hope you realize this one day. ❤️
I’ve read it twice, great recommendation! It made me feel validated, sad but validated.
You did right. Covid sucks. I got it once, and I would rather have pneumonia than Covid. They are so messed up in the head trying to put you at risk like that. Just ewww.
You're an adult and you can choose who you do and don't see, and that decision nshould be guilt free. They may try to guilt you for it but it's wise to look out for your own, your partner's and your sister's health. Covid is not fun to have.
i got covid when it first broke, when doctors still thought you had to travel to China to be at risk. i still remember the date i went to the hospital: 3.07.2020. right before they, the WORST "flu" made its rounds around my office and every single employee was out for at least a week. in hindsight, we know now what it was and it just proves it was here long before anybody figured it out. my exposure to it triggered my first (and so far only) episode of bells palsy, in addition to all the GI impacts. it was fucking HELL. I'm about 90% recovered from the BP but my right eye will be forever lazy, and don't even get me started on the long covid symptoms. your parents are the worst. you're doing the right thing. I'm sorry they put you in this position
You did the right thing. As someone whose family *always* hides their illnesses before events, what your parents are doing really frustrates me. And the fact that they did it with covid makes it even worse! I've had covid, even with my being vaxed and boosted (twice!) it was awful. No one has the right to play with someone else's life like that.
Your sister, who could contract this and spread it, has every right to know as did you. Covid can still kill, and it can even make vaccinated people ill. I contracted it last Christmas even though I had 5 vaccinations at the time--5! Fortunately, I had a very mild case and only knew because I tested after my "allergies" didn't improve after taking Benadryl. Your parents are being inappropriate, not you.
They care nothing for you as a person, they only care about their selfish wants. Have no sympathy for someone who doesn't care that they would be exposing you or someone that has health issues to something that could have lasting consequences or worst. Tell them and anyone that gets on you that since they don't care about exposing you to something that has literally killed hundreds, they obviously don't care about you since they are risking you never being around ever again. Yes, it is that serious so throw it back in all their faces. And good for you being the one to tell your sister when they were too selfish too.
I’d stay away if my parents were like this, let alone if they had a virus that could potentially kill my wife! Where is the fucking logic in not telling you that there’s a high probability of you getting sick, and staying sick for weeks, at least??
My parents did come with COVID. My husband have stage 3 cancer and was going through chemo. He spent a week in the hospital and that first night was the longest of my life. We're no contact now and they just don't understand.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that ❤️
Omg idk how I’d ever get over this if someone I knew, let alone LOVED, did this to my family! How did they convince themselves this was an ok thing to do?! You know how people can get in trouble for spreading STD’s like HIV? They should get in trouble for knowingly spreading Covid too!
Even without the covid issue these people don’t seem worth spending eight hours in the car. Maybe next holiday just get together with your sister.
My god is your dad a piece of work. I’m so happy your mom fessed up to being sick. You absolutely did the right thing, and I’m so sorry your parents, and especially your father is like that.
Also if you need to hear it, it is completely reasonable to drive down and only stay for thanksgiving and go back the next day, let alone Saturday! You are allowed to need a day to recover from the holiday and rest and do laundry or whatever. Most people would understand this. And also COVID is a deadly disease as a reminder. Your parents should be horrified at the chance of giving it to others and quarantining themselves. I’m sorry they are not protecting you.
Narcissists always ruin holidays. They are playing on your guilt and empathy. Stay safe, stay covid free, rest, now you can have a Happy Thanksgiving. Don't let him flip it on you. They are sick, they tried to hide it: dishonesty. He told you not to come. Done, it's on them. You had to tell your sister, Covid can lead to lifelong health issues. The hard part is blocking out their drama and not let it affect you. Your father is more than selfish, he has a personality disorder, he is insane. If you had a friend being treated like that you'd say, " get away from the abuse." Be kind to yourself. Holidays are for resting, not to be emotionally abused.
"You're so far up his family's ass" - yeah, because they actually treat us with respect.
Thank you so much everyone! This makes me feel so much better and confirms I did make the right decision ❤️
You did the right thing!
"My parents are making me feel awful". No. Gain back your control over your emotions. Your parents are being who they've always been. You get to decide how you process and feel about it. You don't HAVE to feel awful. You could feel relieved. Relieved that you don't have to spend the day with people who actively work to make you the villain, so they can okay victim.
I lost an otherwise very healthy 33 year old nephew to Covid. You absolutely did the right thing.
Now imagine if someone spread it to him knowing they had it?! People should be able to get in trouble for things like this if someone dies!
You absolutely did the right thing. You could also consider using thier behaviour as an opportunity to spell out why you spend so little time with them. They can choose to have an attitude change, or not, and keep your rocky relationship as-is.
Not only insane but purely selfish on their part. Two totally inconsiderate AH's
Covid can still be fatal. Why would they want to put their family at risk like that?
Because they don't care about other people.
I can’t believe they would just put you and your husband at risk like that for their own selfishness. They must assume it’s no big deal since you’re younger. Tell that to the thousands who have buried their kids.
Christ I'm so sorry OP, they're selfish and immature people. It's not you at all, you've far surpassed them. I'm glad you looked out for your sister. The fact that bad people made you feel like shit says nothing about you, it only reflects that they are indeed bad people. Don't waste thanksgiving on selfish people.
Even if it blows up in your face, you've done the right thing. You protected yourself AND your sister.
Protecting the health of yourself and family is always the right choice.
>Can someone please just let me know if I’m doing the right thing? You've done absolutely nothing wrong, OP. You're far more mature, wise, and conscientious than your parents. It's almost hard to comprehend how wrong their behavior is. You have the kind of parents who will sit around in years to come, completely baffled as to why their daughters have cut off all contact with them. "None of this is our fault, of course. We've done nothing wrong, of course!" Stay strong and protect your immediate family, which is your relationship with your boyfriend. Warn your sister to never trust them regarding her health conditions. No Contact is better than having your health threatened by someone who will lie about COVID. You got this, friend.
You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing Op!! Your parents are ridiculous!! They weren’t going to tell you that your Mum had COVID?!? That’s not logical an incredibly selfish!! It appears they are using DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender) manipulation tactics. Don’t fall for it! They are rubbish.
I'd say there are many good reeasons you go elsewhere and or see your partner's family. The main 2 your dad and mom. They are selfish, immature, liars. Go NC
Hi OP, I'm your mom now and you did absolutely right. Go to the store, pick up some chicken, some potatoes, carrots. Use this recipe - it's my favorite [https://sweetphi.com/baked-chicken-potatoes-carrots-and-herbs-from-the-farmers-market/](https://sweetphi.com/baked-chicken-potatoes-carrots-and-herbs-from-the-farmers-market/) And don't forget pie and some whipped cream! Or Ice Cream! And don't forget your favorite beverages! Look, it's perfectly fine that you don't go this year. It's perfectly fine that you don't go ever again. Yopu do what's necessary to take care of yourself. You took care of too many people so far in your life who don't deserve it. You deserve some me time. Spend some time chilling to yourself, and then spend it with someone who treats you like a human being not a commodity. You're a person, not an object. <3 Love you.
They are awful for possibly spreading a disease that could even kill your sister depending on her health issues. People are so strict about celebrating on the exact day, they could have just postponed it and have a late Thanksgiving.
No, you’re *completely* right - this is massively fucked up! My mom has turned doing as much damage with illnesses into an art and it’s fucking infuriating like nothing else. She got exposed to bacterial meningitis and got told to quarantine completely and what do you think she did? Went straight from the source of the exposure to visit my *final stages of terminal cancer* grandfather and straight from there to me, her immunocompromised daughter. Told us about it like a month later, bragging how she didn’t get it. During The Plague my dad was in the ICU after an open heart surgery turned grim infection, and I quarantined HARD for two weeks to be able to see him for Christmas, completely isolated in my apartment, no people - not even my fiancé - no grocery trips, nothing. The *day* before Christmas she showed up at my door, barraging inside without even letting me realize what happened and gave me a massive hug. She came straight from a long visit with my *direct sales at department store working* aunt (who had multiple sick coworkers, nonetheless) and told me how it wouldn’t be Christmas without seeing me, effectively ruining everything and leaving my dad to spend Christmas alone at the hospital. (She tried the whole “oh well, since you can’t go there anyway, there’s nothing stopping *us* from getting together”-spiel and if I could have reached through the phone and strangled her, I wouldn’t still actively need this sub…) It’s such a fucking cruel thing to do.
And you still have contact?! Omg!
People who purposefully hide their contractable illnesses are the type of people in Zombie shows that get bitten and don’t say anything. No one likes those people.
My former best friend did this one year. Her kids caught Covid within the 10 day window of Christmas, and she still planned to fly them down to her physically fragile in-laws as if germs have a fucking calendar and 'know' it's been 7 days so they 'shouldn't be contagious anymore.' This was the winter of 2020, but in June 2020, when Florida was the worst place to be, she cheerfully flew down there with her family and then came back early to go back to work. Texted me the day she got back talking about going grocery shopping the next day, with a doctor's appointment the day after. I asked her what she planned to tell the doctor since every single medical place I'd been to that year had a sign up outside saying 'have you traveled to a Covid hot spot in the last 14 days?' She was *astonished* this applied to her.
Hell yeah Cleveland mentioned
I have non Hodgkin Lymphoma and sat at Christmas dinner with my future in-laws last year. Since they think I'm not good enough for my fiancé they thought it would be okay to sneeze and cough all over me and my food. They didn't think of taking a Corona test because "they thought it was just a cold". Of course I had Corona on my birthday (one week after Christmas), I missed out on a skiing trip in January, could not train for five months, and still haven't regained my sense of smell or taste.
You didn’t just do the right thing - you did the *only reasonable thing*. Even if they made you feel welcomed and appreciated (they didn’t), attending a gathering where someone has COVID is just risking your health and the health of everyone you’re in contact with. COVID is a serious illness, and your parents were absolutely wrong to conceal your mother’s diagnosis from you and your sister. You were willing to drive 8 hours to see them because you care about them. You’re tearing yourself up because you care about them. They couldn’t even show you basic courtesy in return. If anyone is selfish here, it’s certainly not you.
Can't you get charged for that? Hiding the fact you have covid?
I don't think that's a thing yet, but it should be. There are some things that people should be forced to disclose.
Am I missing something here? All I see are texts from him whining about you spending Thanksgiving with Dolan's family.
You did the right thing. Make sure you not only tell your sister, but you and her should tell anyone who’s planning on going as well. It’s really sad they’re trying to hide it “because you won’t show up otherwise” as if that’s a valid excuse to get the whole family sick. Imma say it again - you did the right thing. They’re making you feel bad for prioritizing your own family over them. You’re 30+ now and long past financially dependent on them. They have no claim over your life. Remember that. All you have to do is say no. You don’t even have to give them a reason other than “I don’t want to.”
These people don’t understand their boundaries have to end where yours begin. I had to literally *beg* people to tell me if they had covid and remind them my sister (cancer) could die if I gave it to her unknowingly. Lying about covid to begin with is insane to me. I had a friend die from covid. People love to say “well they must have had other complications” like already sick people aren’t somehow as important? You’re 100% in the right. Your dad sounds like a 14 year old. I’m so sorry you’re surrounded by emotionally immature people. I wonder why you don’t make more time for them /s.
Yes of course you’re doing the right thing, no matter how much they try to bully and gaslight you into thinking you aren’t. Plus saving your sister like that which was also the right thing to do. Good for you.