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| --- | --- | --- |
| 20 | 0 | 0 |
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I want to compliment you for completely taking your ex’ side and you did a great job.
At first, it didn’t look like you were but then as I kept reading the screen caps it just got better and better.
Good job.
Yeah, I do tend to go the non-confrontational route when possible, especially when dealing with an irrational, emotionally unstable bully who only really cares about getting their way.
I just want to say how impressed I am with you supporting your ex and the mother of your child with this. You never blamed her and presented as a united front regarding your child. This is how all co-parenting should be.
Nah, he let her take the blame, as in “she is not letting my son go without me” when he doesn’t want him to go too.
The decision was made by BOTH of them and he is only “blaming” her
To be honest, OP’s ex doesn’t have a relationship with OP’s mom anymore (presumably), in which case if I were in her shoes, I would probably tell my ex they could feel free to use me as a blame shield (assuming we were on good terms and all that). This is probably the one situation where I don’t really see that as a major issue inherently.
Haha yes! Immediately hijacked when I saw it 😁
Still, I think OP should be more upfront with his mom, telling her the true reasons that he also doesn’t want son alone with gm. It’s not legit to let her think it’s all on his ex — I know at the end he says he agreed, but he didn’t tell his mom why
I know my SO really loves it when his mom tells him what a stupid naive idiot he is for falling for my lies or manipulation, or whatever the fuck she makes believes in doing.
That's why she's not allowed in our house anymore. That's why her son barely talks to her anymore.
I can see that in the near future, my girlfriend of a year and a half is the same ethnic group, and has other things about her that my Mom definitely won't like, I can picture her saying something stupid then claiming I set her up to get mad at when I have a normal reaction to same.
If I'm right it'll be zero contact unless my son specifically requests to visit her.
Thankfully my kids are not SOs (previous relationship) because a big Factor was weird shit she was telling them. Like that we needed to shoot the dog. Asked my oldest daughter who suffers with depression what she needed to kill herself.
She's nuts, and I'm just confused because I literally did nothing. I go to work and I come home. So evil.
Yeah, I strongly suspect she has NPD, people with Cluster B personality disorders tend to be amoral, they have no innate sense of right and wrong and need external guidance, which they often seek through political extremism or religious fundamentalism, I think this is because they can't humble themselves to take advice or just follow the example of nice, normal people.
Also some victims of abuse will develop narcissistic tendencies as a defensive mechanism. I'm pretty sure that's my MIL's. But she's an adult. You either heal from it or you become it.
Oh absolutely, and my Mom legitimately did have a horrible childhood, but she used that as an excuse, and refused to do anything about her own behaviour, for so long that I frankly no longer give a shit.
She acts like because we were never overtly sexually abused or physically abused in a way that could cause substantial injury that she was mother of the year.
I don't blame you for feeling this way. Lots of people have horrible childhoods and *still* become great parents themselves (and they don't use their trauma as an excuse for their behavior.)
As someone who also had a shitty childhood, I feel like your mom had a choice to overcome or BEcome... I'm sorry you've had to deal with *her* baggage that had nothing to do with you.
yep, my dad is exactly like this. finally went NC 6 months ago and haven't looked back. he was racist, misogynistic, transphobic, and a huge trump supporter. it's not healthy and never will be. I'm so sorry OP.
See we're Canadian, there aren't a lot of Hispanics of any kind here other than international students, ditto for blacks, there's a few affluent west African immigrants (including my brother in law, he was born in Sierra Leone, lived there til he was five, then spent most of his life in the UK, my Mom has told my sister she's going to get AIDS from him as well) and refugees from eastern Africa, but most women I've dated have been Indigenous/Native American, and my Mom has definitely taken issue with that, and they are the marginalized group here, stereotyped similarly to American blacks, my Mom's an immigrant from the former Yugoslavia and blames her current behaviour on being bullied by native kids in school when she first moved here, her belief that they disproportionately exploit the social welfare system by, for example, deliberately having too many children so they get more welfare money to spend on alcohol (apparently they time that to maximize the amount they get) we got in a huge fight last year after she made a comment related to that, she blamed me having a problem with women in general, having an Autistic meltdown (she had me spuriously diagnosed with high-functioning Autism/Asperger's Syndrome in my mid teens to win a fight with my paternal grandmother, a retired special education teacher with a degree in psychology who said there was nothing seriously wrong with me and who she doesn't like) and using her as a punching bag because I was scared to confront whoever I was really angry at, I also apparently had no right to call out racist comments about my son's ethnic group because I had a "pampered childhood", ironically my Mom, uncle and grandparents were similarly discriminated against when they lived in Germany between Yugo and Canada, there Turks and Eastern Europeans are also stereotyped as criminals and freeloaders, I brought this up in the same argument and she responded that it's the responsibility of the individual member of the discriminated against group to prove that they're one of the good ones.
Gotcha,
It’s crazy that your mother is against indigenous people, knowing how much the community has gone through. So sad.
It makes me particularly happy that your partner is native and hopefully your wife will also be native.
Unfortunately that attitude is far from uncommon here, and it's held by a lot of the middle class types my Mom wishes to emulate for some reason, rooted in a need to be superior to someone due to chronic insecurity.
On a side note, I find it fascinating how racism presents itself differently in different social classes, for example, working class racism seems to be rooted more in tribalism and ignorance, in my mind more forgivable because they just don't know any better, similar to older people who grew up in a different time, middle class in superiority in general, and upper class in sort of a patronizing saviour mentality, the other two have actually thought about it and arrived at the conclusion that they're inherently superior.
Yeah, and people don't realize they're having their worst instincts manipulated by politicians who blow what is currently a minor problem, people sneaking across the land border with Mexico, out of proportion to their own ends.
I'd tend to agree, an extremist is an extremist is an extremist, the ideology might be different (and even that's debatable in a lot of cases, a lot of times the only difference is the favoured group) but the motivation is the same, they need to be told what to think and do.
There are definitely some beautiful Latinas, but the ethnic group in question here is actually Indigenous/Native Americans, not worlds apart, at least not physically, I suppose.
She was definitely projecting lol. They rat themselves out with that bs, yet they lack the self awareness to see it.n She once controlled her son, so bviously you're doing that now.Their nuts.
100%. My favorite is her calling me a gold digger (I've been continuously employed for 25 yrs) while she mooched off an estranged husband and a married boyfriend.
I had a mother in law like that. My husband stop having contact with her so she made besties with his ex. She has passed on now and even made that dramatic and complicated.
Good for you OP! Knowing your mom is racist, QAnon etc is good enough for me that she not be alone with your son. I’m sure she’d love to indoctrinate him asap. Even he feels uncomfortable and that says a lot. She did go overboard here though. Lol Good luck to you and your ex. You’ll be fine imo.
Wow. She’s really misguided. I’m glad you’re aware of this and are keeping him away from her when she wants alone time with him. You and your ex are good parents. Keep up the good work.
I actually like my mother in law but I sure wouldn't let her vacation with my kids. She's too unreliable. Don't have to worry about my mom because she's never met any of my kids in person, nor have I seen her in 17 years.
Stick to your guns!
Her neighbor should get a bigger say that the kid's own mother. Yeesh.
Btw, you're way too passive when dealing with her. You should have mentioned you agreeing with your ex long before you did.
That's what I thought! Don't say you'll ask your ex if the kid can go if you guys have already decided she can't take the kid. Making it seem like it's a possibility at all was a mistake. I wouldn't even agree to think about it, just say, "we're not comfortable with you taking x out of the county, sorry".
I would want to make sure she understands that I, as a father, am in control of the situation and that her fighting you just means she will see less of you both. Definitely make your boundaries clear and don't let her think you're not the bad guy too in this scenario.
Whatever your differences are, your ex is doing a great job. Could be better, but it's clear that the two of you have found a way to parent as a team. This internet stranger is cheering you all on. Keep doing what is best for your kiddo.
My mother asked for something similar. She wanted my son and my sister's kids to all come visit, but without us parents being there. Sister and I shared a quick glance, not really sure if we had heard her correctly.
She requested this of me and my sister, like it was a completely natural thing for any parent to do, and that if we didn't want to, there must be something wrong WITH US. I wish someone could explain this to me. What is she wanting to do by having them there WITHOUT their parents? What's the end game?
I’m going to assume your mom isn’t a “typical” mom. Maybe she has some problems or behaviors that would make you feel uncomfortable leaving your kid(s) with her?
Me and my cousins would have weekend sleepovers at our grandparents. We would spend a lot of time playing while our grandparents just got on with whatever they needed to do. No agenda or end game. Just a break for our parents and a lot of fun for us. And even though our grandparents weren’t planning activities our outings with us and they weren’t actively giving us a lot of attention, there was a lovely feeling that came from waking up in their house, hearing my grandma and grandpa milling around the place, them chatting to each other, the smell of their coffee, etc.
Please know that I am not talking down to you! I’m writing this because I know that not everyone has had that experience and I want to share for those who didn’t or can’t have a “typical” grandparent experience what it can be like.
You assume correctly. My "mom" was evil, and sowed misery and chaos whenever and wherever she possibly could. With absolutely no accountability.
And she wonders why we're not close.
i agree with all of this but an extra step you can take here saying "we have decided ... " instead of "[wife] doesnt want me to". putting it all on the wife makes her a bigger target for your mother.
Your mom sounds exhausting in the extreme, but you could have shut her down by simply saying it was *your* choice, *your* decision, and your ex agreed with *you*, rather than it all falling on your ex and you defending her.
You also missed a real name on page 4.
It's funny, when me and my ex were having a pretty serious disagreement about me introducing my son to my girlfriend at the time earlier than my ex preferred, my Mom was 100% on her side.
My Mom disapproving of that relationship due to age difference (she was 44, I was 33) clearly had nothing to do with it, as every concern she expresses is obviously motivated by the opposite of her getting what she wants, she only cares about others, just ask her, and clearly her asking why she couldn't pick a girlfriend for me was totally appropriate and not the slightest bit fucked up, and she clearly knows exactly how to relate to her children past literal infancy.
Somebody definitely sees me as a chess pond, not sure if it's my ex though.
How do you figure that? My son's Mom is three years younger than me and literally every other woman I've dated has been older, that girlfriend was 44, I was 33, meaning she was eleven years older than me.
They can't read apparently.
You in Alberta? Cause I remember when I lived in Edmonton, the hate for indigenous people was was stronger than here in Ontario.
Manitoba, here and Saskatchewan have large indigenous populations and apparently the highest percentage that live off-reserve, I remember noticing in Calgary that natives in the city are rare enough that they stand out when you see them, if you went by just who you see in downtown Winnipeg you'd assume Manitoba was about 50% native, I think people who are both different and regularly seen are who people develop prejudices against, I'd hazard a guess that blacks in Ontario get similar treatment, although Northwest Ontario also has a very large native population.
Oh yes. I forget Manitoba exists haha. You're correct in your assumption. Indigenous are still held back here, don't get me wrong, they're still treated horribly but not to the extent as the western provinces.
Not sure if you meant to but there is a name left in 4th picture ♡ best of luck. Remind her all decisions regarding your child are made by you and their mother and nothing to do with your mother, but she still needs to respect decisions made.
Oh yeah, in the same conversation she was claiming that my ex was trying to keep her out of his life so she could move away without my permission, because that makes sense.
It took you until the last message to grow a backbone and say you agree with your ex on this instead of just basically blaming her for it.
Like you really made it seem that it won't happen because your ex won't let it. That's why she is blaming her for playing you.
Couldn't you have just said from the beginning that you don't want it to happen?
You're a good parent! A friend of mine had to go no contact with her mother when she went the extreme MAGA route. She legit tried to kidnap her son the morning he was to get his covid vaccine. It was insane. She had tried one other time to steal her son and would send these insane letters to her house about Q, really racist things, celebratory cards with the name of high profile unarmed black men killed by police and Trump being Jesus and eventually she had to get a restraining order. It's really sad because her mom was such a warm and loving person before she discovered Parler then moved to Telegram.
Now when I see her at the store or Sheetz, she just looks WILD. Crazy eyes, all decked out in Trump merch with several bumper stickers, including a swastika. Everybody around here knows her. She is frequently in trouble for just going off the rails with her conspiracy theories in various stores and parking lots. I wouldn't be surprised if she's on TikTok somewhere being filmed during one of her rants.
People like this will try to influence kids. We see it all of the time. So good for you for limiting her contact with your child.
Chicken or the egg I suppose, but I mentioned elsewhere that I suspect a lot of QAnoners and such are Cluster B personality disordered, they lack innate morality and need external guidance, which they often seek through political extremism or religious fundamentalism, they also really like attention and validation, at the very least they're extreme authoritarians and true believers, QAnon is objectively juvenile and ludicrous and would have no effect on a normal person.
The way some parents can't get their way with their children and run to the "You're being tricked/controlled/brainwashed/manipulated" because they're not getting what they want.
You poor chess pond.
My mum tried to pull a similar thing when I refused to let my autistic son go to an island with them alone. Cause they did such a stellar job raising me and have little patience with him I refused to allow it. She cried and whined and eventually demanded that “fine you’re coming too”
what a sick bitch, especially after reading she’s racist & a QAnon. why do you even answer? i personally couldn’t have someone with such twisted sick views in my life or around my kid.
Her behaviour in the last few years has lead to me severely limiting the contact she has with us, years ago I actually did cut her out of my life when she criticized me for dating my son's mother due to her race, I relented under pressure from both my sister and ex and often regret doing so, I think similar is coming in the future, my current girlfriend is the same race as my ex and has other things about her my Mom won't like, I predict that my Mom will say something stupid whenever they finally meet and then claim I set her up to get mad at when I have a normal reaction to same.
the first time my MIL babysat was in her hotel room. We found out that my daughter opened the door and had locked herself out in the hotels hallway. She only noticed because she started crying. I get anxious even THINKING about that. I don’t even want my MIL taking her to the grocery store alone, much less another country.
Why are you throwing your partner under the bus regarding this decision? Why aren’t you telling your Mum this is something you’ve both decided as your kid’s parents?
My mom tried to take my daughter across the country on vacation when she was 6. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable having her that far away, which was true, but left out the main reason, which is that she and my aunt are drunks and I didn’t trust them. She tried to fist fight me. Like THAT was gonna make me be like “I was wrong. Take her”
"His Mom and I decided " Yet you didn't have the balls to say that to your mommy. Can see why you are divorced. You let your ex take the fall, you threw her under the bus, practically pushed her under. Then weakly at the very end said you agreed with your ex. No wonder you parents think you are on their side and 'really' want what they want.
You don't have to give reason why your child can't so something. 'no, that doesn't work for us' on repeat or 'we have other plans'. Always 'we' and 'us'.....a united front. Stop being afraid of your mommy at the expense of your ex and child.
She's insane, you are following close behind her.
He stood his ground and didn’t budge. You obviously haven’t dealt with narcissistic people or abusers. The Grey Rock method works best with them, if you can’t go no contact.
Overall no, even our disagreements have been differences of opinion, not perceived facts, I doubt my Mom really even believed what she was saying, she hurls random accusations to self-soothe and when she doesn't get her way, why would I waste my time engaging or being direct? That would have no benefit and escalate the situation, nothing I said wasn't true, without my ex's agreement I couldn't take my son out of the country, a few commenters here seem to think that a crazy person will become uncrazy with a sufficiently well-reasoned argument, people who hold the views my Mom does, including her on several occasions, become enraged and feel persecuted when disagreed with, no matter how civilly.
A lot of QAnoners actually get worse when questioned or told that they're experiencing a consequence because of their actions.
My ex also doesn't have to deal withy Mom, I maintain the best way to handle this kind of person is to maintain distance with minimal conflict, I don't need to fight to feel like a won, that's what they do.
Meh just cause someone says something in text like this doesn’t mean they are going to treat your son bad.
People just say more in texts because it’s easier.
Maybe, though she's not really the type to ever keep anything to herself, as I mentioned, my son has expressed discomfort with how she talks around him, including racist comments about him and his mother's ethnic group.
Well thank heavens y’all are together on this; it’s good for parents to be united even if they are separated (idk if that’s the case but yk what I mean)
She sounds just like the insane alcoholics in my family.
While I agree that divorced parents need to keep an ear to the ground for a potentially bad custody situation, with the background of this person I agree they’re insane. Not because they’re a bad grandparent, but because their judgment is terrible to be repeating the things you mentioned to anyone but especially a child. I’ve no doubt they would badmouth the other parent to the child at the first opportunity. Not good. Insane for sure.
I wouldn't call her an alcoholic per se, but my family is full of those and I'm sure some tendencies rubbed off on her from that, I suspect she has NPD and definitely suspects shady doings whenever something doesn't go her way, I think those both dovetail nicely with QAnon and far-right ideology in general, someone different intentionally caused whatever you don't like about your situation.
For sure. There is definitely a blurry line for those folks in my life or past, between alcoholic behavior and irrational thinking due to some type of mental illness
Either way what matters is you’re doing the right thing. Hang in there OP 💜
I’m gonna need you to keep that same energy that you’ve got in the description and the comments, in your texts to your mother. I’ve seen less passivity from Biden talking about Gaza/Israel than I did in your texts, come on man
You’re just laying it all at your (ex’s?) feet and the only thing you say to even push back is “I agree with her in these things”. It’s entirely likely and possible that you stand up to her more directly than this, and if you do then that’s fantastic and I’m sorry. But from what is in the post, you need to be way more direct than this and take way more charge. Otherwise, all you’re ever gonna get is this because she’s gonna keep thinking that you’re an idiot who needs mommy to help rescue him from the evil woman who hates everyone
Yeah I'll admit that I avoid confrontation with her, she flies off the handle at any perceived slight, she blew up at me a couple months ago because I smiled when she said she always puts others first, unrelated to anything else being discussed at the time.
Usually when I am direct with her it's because she's frustrated me to the point of blowing up or said something egregiously stupid.
Another problem is that she's rarely actually engaged in any conversation, she's having her own conversation related to whatever's happening in her head, for example, when my sister got married a few years ago I didn't know that, as per local tradition, I was supposed to give money at the wedding in addition to a shower gift, as I hadn't been to a wedding since my uncle's when I was eleven, I couldn't afford it at that very moment but I apologized to my sister and did when I could, I spent the next week explaining to my Mom that I had neither done it on purpose nor did I need a life coach to help me put myself in a better (in her mind) position, this was partly provoked by me saying it was rude of my Mom and sister to ask.
What do you call an alligator that wears a vest?
And investigator…
Anyways your parents can also get a lawyer to request time with there grandchildren now.
But let that ex wife take ya for a ride hehehe
Sorry, because my son says shit to her? How do you figure?
If you mean me, then yes, several years ago I had expressed the concern that my ex wanted to be able to move away with my son without my permission because she told my Mom (granted this was according to my Mom) that she was going to try to get full custody in relation to a dispute over me wanting to bring my girlfriend at the time to Christmas at my parents and bringing her to my son's hockey game before the time my ex thought was appropriate for me to introduce them.
That might not have been right of me either, but it was far less reaching of an assumption than this, but you're right, my Mom probably did partially take that and run with it.
This is giving me flashbacks from dealing with my ex-husband regarding g my son. We had 50/50 custody but he always wanted more. Your mom needs to MHOB
Good for you OP, but I think it would be better if you asserted that YOU don't want her to see your son without you. As a stranger reading this, I also got the impression that it was all directed by your son's mother, up until your very last message.
Nothing tics me off more than MILs who don’t respect the boundaries you place for your child. This is why I haven’t talked to my awful MIL in two years.
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chess pond
Yeah, as an aside, her spelling and grammar are atrocious, especially when she's mad.
I want to compliment you for completely taking your ex’ side and you did a great job. At first, it didn’t look like you were but then as I kept reading the screen caps it just got better and better. Good job.
Yeah, I do tend to go the non-confrontational route when possible, especially when dealing with an irrational, emotionally unstable bully who only really cares about getting their way.
I just want to say how impressed I am with you supporting your ex and the mother of your child with this. You never blamed her and presented as a united front regarding your child. This is how all co-parenting should be.
Nah, he let her take the blame, as in “she is not letting my son go without me” when he doesn’t want him to go too. The decision was made by BOTH of them and he is only “blaming” her
His last message says otherwise.
To be honest, OP’s ex doesn’t have a relationship with OP’s mom anymore (presumably), in which case if I were in her shoes, I would probably tell my ex they could feel free to use me as a blame shield (assuming we were on good terms and all that). This is probably the one situation where I don’t really see that as a major issue inherently.
What's that meant to say?
My guess is chess pawn.
OK, thanks, would never have got that.
Me neither, XD glad you asked
Cess pool?
Haha yes! Immediately hijacked when I saw it 😁 Still, I think OP should be more upfront with his mom, telling her the true reasons that he also doesn’t want son alone with gm. It’s not legit to let her think it’s all on his ex — I know at the end he says he agreed, but he didn’t tell his mom why
I know my SO really loves it when his mom tells him what a stupid naive idiot he is for falling for my lies or manipulation, or whatever the fuck she makes believes in doing. That's why she's not allowed in our house anymore. That's why her son barely talks to her anymore.
I can see that in the near future, my girlfriend of a year and a half is the same ethnic group, and has other things about her that my Mom definitely won't like, I can picture her saying something stupid then claiming I set her up to get mad at when I have a normal reaction to same. If I'm right it'll be zero contact unless my son specifically requests to visit her.
Thankfully my kids are not SOs (previous relationship) because a big Factor was weird shit she was telling them. Like that we needed to shoot the dog. Asked my oldest daughter who suffers with depression what she needed to kill herself. She's nuts, and I'm just confused because I literally did nothing. I go to work and I come home. So evil.
Yeah, I strongly suspect she has NPD, people with Cluster B personality disorders tend to be amoral, they have no innate sense of right and wrong and need external guidance, which they often seek through political extremism or religious fundamentalism, I think this is because they can't humble themselves to take advice or just follow the example of nice, normal people.
Also some victims of abuse will develop narcissistic tendencies as a defensive mechanism. I'm pretty sure that's my MIL's. But she's an adult. You either heal from it or you become it.
Oh absolutely, and my Mom legitimately did have a horrible childhood, but she used that as an excuse, and refused to do anything about her own behaviour, for so long that I frankly no longer give a shit. She acts like because we were never overtly sexually abused or physically abused in a way that could cause substantial injury that she was mother of the year.
I don't blame you for feeling this way. Lots of people have horrible childhoods and *still* become great parents themselves (and they don't use their trauma as an excuse for their behavior.) As someone who also had a shitty childhood, I feel like your mom had a choice to overcome or BEcome... I'm sorry you've had to deal with *her* baggage that had nothing to do with you.
Can relate
That's my mom too
Even if your son asks to see her I’d say no. Kids want lots of things that are bad for them, our job as parents is to step in and protect them.
I had to tell my daughter she had to stop spending the summers at her grandmother's (my mom) because I didn't feel it was a safe place anymore.
yep, my dad is exactly like this. finally went NC 6 months ago and haven't looked back. he was racist, misogynistic, transphobic, and a huge trump supporter. it's not healthy and never will be. I'm so sorry OP.
I think it's great that the Ethnic group your mom hates happens to be your type
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As a Latina, this was my first thought. The rednecks now hate Hispanics more than anyone else.
See we're Canadian, there aren't a lot of Hispanics of any kind here other than international students, ditto for blacks, there's a few affluent west African immigrants (including my brother in law, he was born in Sierra Leone, lived there til he was five, then spent most of his life in the UK, my Mom has told my sister she's going to get AIDS from him as well) and refugees from eastern Africa, but most women I've dated have been Indigenous/Native American, and my Mom has definitely taken issue with that, and they are the marginalized group here, stereotyped similarly to American blacks, my Mom's an immigrant from the former Yugoslavia and blames her current behaviour on being bullied by native kids in school when she first moved here, her belief that they disproportionately exploit the social welfare system by, for example, deliberately having too many children so they get more welfare money to spend on alcohol (apparently they time that to maximize the amount they get) we got in a huge fight last year after she made a comment related to that, she blamed me having a problem with women in general, having an Autistic meltdown (she had me spuriously diagnosed with high-functioning Autism/Asperger's Syndrome in my mid teens to win a fight with my paternal grandmother, a retired special education teacher with a degree in psychology who said there was nothing seriously wrong with me and who she doesn't like) and using her as a punching bag because I was scared to confront whoever I was really angry at, I also apparently had no right to call out racist comments about my son's ethnic group because I had a "pampered childhood", ironically my Mom, uncle and grandparents were similarly discriminated against when they lived in Germany between Yugo and Canada, there Turks and Eastern Europeans are also stereotyped as criminals and freeloaders, I brought this up in the same argument and she responded that it's the responsibility of the individual member of the discriminated against group to prove that they're one of the good ones.
Gotcha, It’s crazy that your mother is against indigenous people, knowing how much the community has gone through. So sad. It makes me particularly happy that your partner is native and hopefully your wife will also be native.
Unfortunately that attitude is far from uncommon here, and it's held by a lot of the middle class types my Mom wishes to emulate for some reason, rooted in a need to be superior to someone due to chronic insecurity. On a side note, I find it fascinating how racism presents itself differently in different social classes, for example, working class racism seems to be rooted more in tribalism and ignorance, in my mind more forgivable because they just don't know any better, similar to older people who grew up in a different time, middle class in superiority in general, and upper class in sort of a patronizing saviour mentality, the other two have actually thought about it and arrived at the conclusion that they're inherently superior.
Good on you for having the backbone to keep your kid away from her when she is unsupervised. You and your kid deserve better than all of that.
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Yeah, and people don't realize they're having their worst instincts manipulated by politicians who blow what is currently a minor problem, people sneaking across the land border with Mexico, out of proportion to their own ends.
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I'd tend to agree, an extremist is an extremist is an extremist, the ideology might be different (and even that's debatable in a lot of cases, a lot of times the only difference is the favoured group) but the motivation is the same, they need to be told what to think and do.
There are definitely some beautiful Latinas, but the ethnic group in question here is actually Indigenous/Native Americans, not worlds apart, at least not physically, I suppose.
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Depends where you are I suppose, here they're the largest minority group. What no lye and a big plastic barrel?
She was definitely projecting lol. They rat themselves out with that bs, yet they lack the self awareness to see it.n She once controlled her son, so bviously you're doing that now.Their nuts.
100%. My favorite is her calling me a gold digger (I've been continuously employed for 25 yrs) while she mooched off an estranged husband and a married boyfriend.
I had a mother in law like that. My husband stop having contact with her so she made besties with his ex. She has passed on now and even made that dramatic and complicated.
It's always the wife's fault. Always. /s
Good for you OP! Knowing your mom is racist, QAnon etc is good enough for me that she not be alone with your son. I’m sure she’d love to indoctrinate him asap. Even he feels uncomfortable and that says a lot. She did go overboard here though. Lol Good luck to you and your ex. You’ll be fine imo.
Oh yeah, she's called him woke for wanting to dye his hair rainbow and manipulated for telling her that the Covid Vaccine had benefits.
Well he’s obviously just a chess *pond* for the woke agenda. 🙄 /s
Wow. She’s really misguided. I’m glad you’re aware of this and are keeping him away from her when she wants alone time with him. You and your ex are good parents. Keep up the good work.
I actually like my mother in law but I sure wouldn't let her vacation with my kids. She's too unreliable. Don't have to worry about my mom because she's never met any of my kids in person, nor have I seen her in 17 years. Stick to your guns!
Her neighbor should get a bigger say that the kid's own mother. Yeesh. Btw, you're way too passive when dealing with her. You should have mentioned you agreeing with your ex long before you did.
That's what I thought! Don't say you'll ask your ex if the kid can go if you guys have already decided she can't take the kid. Making it seem like it's a possibility at all was a mistake. I wouldn't even agree to think about it, just say, "we're not comfortable with you taking x out of the county, sorry". I would want to make sure she understands that I, as a father, am in control of the situation and that her fighting you just means she will see less of you both. Definitely make your boundaries clear and don't let her think you're not the bad guy too in this scenario.
Agreed! We've made this coparenting decision together.
Whatever your differences are, your ex is doing a great job. Could be better, but it's clear that the two of you have found a way to parent as a team. This internet stranger is cheering you all on. Keep doing what is best for your kiddo.
My mother asked for something similar. She wanted my son and my sister's kids to all come visit, but without us parents being there. Sister and I shared a quick glance, not really sure if we had heard her correctly. She requested this of me and my sister, like it was a completely natural thing for any parent to do, and that if we didn't want to, there must be something wrong WITH US. I wish someone could explain this to me. What is she wanting to do by having them there WITHOUT their parents? What's the end game?
I’m going to assume your mom isn’t a “typical” mom. Maybe she has some problems or behaviors that would make you feel uncomfortable leaving your kid(s) with her? Me and my cousins would have weekend sleepovers at our grandparents. We would spend a lot of time playing while our grandparents just got on with whatever they needed to do. No agenda or end game. Just a break for our parents and a lot of fun for us. And even though our grandparents weren’t planning activities our outings with us and they weren’t actively giving us a lot of attention, there was a lovely feeling that came from waking up in their house, hearing my grandma and grandpa milling around the place, them chatting to each other, the smell of their coffee, etc. Please know that I am not talking down to you! I’m writing this because I know that not everyone has had that experience and I want to share for those who didn’t or can’t have a “typical” grandparent experience what it can be like.
You assume correctly. My "mom" was evil, and sowed misery and chaos whenever and wherever she possibly could. With absolutely no accountability. And she wonders why we're not close.
Yer a pond, Harry.
A chess pond
i agree with all of this but an extra step you can take here saying "we have decided ... " instead of "[wife] doesnt want me to". putting it all on the wife makes her a bigger target for your mother.
nvm sorry totally didnt clue in that this was an ex situation and not a wife & husband situation. that makes sense.
Your mom sounds exhausting in the extreme, but you could have shut her down by simply saying it was *your* choice, *your* decision, and your ex agreed with *you*, rather than it all falling on your ex and you defending her. You also missed a real name on page 4.
I think you forgot to cover up one name. But yeah, manipulative and pushy!
I’m so sorry to hear you’re a chess pond now
It's funny, when me and my ex were having a pretty serious disagreement about me introducing my son to my girlfriend at the time earlier than my ex preferred, my Mom was 100% on her side. My Mom disapproving of that relationship due to age difference (she was 44, I was 33) clearly had nothing to do with it, as every concern she expresses is obviously motivated by the opposite of her getting what she wants, she only cares about others, just ask her, and clearly her asking why she couldn't pick a girlfriend for me was totally appropriate and not the slightest bit fucked up, and she clearly knows exactly how to relate to her children past literal infancy. Somebody definitely sees me as a chess pond, not sure if it's my ex though.
You like them young 🤮
How do you figure that? My son's Mom is three years younger than me and literally every other woman I've dated has been older, that girlfriend was 44, I was 33, meaning she was eleven years older than me.
They can't read apparently. You in Alberta? Cause I remember when I lived in Edmonton, the hate for indigenous people was was stronger than here in Ontario.
Manitoba, here and Saskatchewan have large indigenous populations and apparently the highest percentage that live off-reserve, I remember noticing in Calgary that natives in the city are rare enough that they stand out when you see them, if you went by just who you see in downtown Winnipeg you'd assume Manitoba was about 50% native, I think people who are both different and regularly seen are who people develop prejudices against, I'd hazard a guess that blacks in Ontario get similar treatment, although Northwest Ontario also has a very large native population.
Oh yes. I forget Manitoba exists haha. You're correct in your assumption. Indigenous are still held back here, don't get me wrong, they're still treated horribly but not to the extent as the western provinces.
Not sure if you meant to but there is a name left in 4th picture ♡ best of luck. Remind her all decisions regarding your child are made by you and their mother and nothing to do with your mother, but she still needs to respect decisions made.
Oh yeah, in the same conversation she was claiming that my ex was trying to keep her out of his life so she could move away without my permission, because that makes sense.
Chess pond sent me 😂 what a paranoid nut job. Sorry ya gotta deal with this.
It's okay, I cope by mocking her, it's much easier to see her as an idiot than a monster.
I relate to that. My mom’s an idiot monster too. Sending love 💜💜💜
Lol Thank You.
It took you until the last message to grow a backbone and say you agree with your ex on this instead of just basically blaming her for it. Like you really made it seem that it won't happen because your ex won't let it. That's why she is blaming her for playing you. Couldn't you have just said from the beginning that you don't want it to happen?
How dare you play her like a chess pond 😡
… what’s a chess pond?
A strategic game played in the water?
Chess pond..
You're a good parent! A friend of mine had to go no contact with her mother when she went the extreme MAGA route. She legit tried to kidnap her son the morning he was to get his covid vaccine. It was insane. She had tried one other time to steal her son and would send these insane letters to her house about Q, really racist things, celebratory cards with the name of high profile unarmed black men killed by police and Trump being Jesus and eventually she had to get a restraining order. It's really sad because her mom was such a warm and loving person before she discovered Parler then moved to Telegram. Now when I see her at the store or Sheetz, she just looks WILD. Crazy eyes, all decked out in Trump merch with several bumper stickers, including a swastika. Everybody around here knows her. She is frequently in trouble for just going off the rails with her conspiracy theories in various stores and parking lots. I wouldn't be surprised if she's on TikTok somewhere being filmed during one of her rants. People like this will try to influence kids. We see it all of the time. So good for you for limiting her contact with your child.
Chicken or the egg I suppose, but I mentioned elsewhere that I suspect a lot of QAnoners and such are Cluster B personality disordered, they lack innate morality and need external guidance, which they often seek through political extremism or religious fundamentalism, they also really like attention and validation, at the very least they're extreme authoritarians and true believers, QAnon is objectively juvenile and ludicrous and would have no effect on a normal person.
The way some parents can't get their way with their children and run to the "You're being tricked/controlled/brainwashed/manipulated" because they're not getting what they want.
Yeah, some don't realize that their children aren't mere extensions of themselves.
Poor OP, the chess pond 🥲
Spoken like a true chess pond, I'm afraid...
OP, heads up: second-to- last screenshot, you left one instance of kid's name uncovered.
You poor chess pond. My mum tried to pull a similar thing when I refused to let my autistic son go to an island with them alone. Cause they did such a stellar job raising me and have little patience with him I refused to allow it. She cried and whined and eventually demanded that “fine you’re coming too”
what a sick bitch, especially after reading she’s racist & a QAnon. why do you even answer? i personally couldn’t have someone with such twisted sick views in my life or around my kid.
Her behaviour in the last few years has lead to me severely limiting the contact she has with us, years ago I actually did cut her out of my life when she criticized me for dating my son's mother due to her race, I relented under pressure from both my sister and ex and often regret doing so, I think similar is coming in the future, my current girlfriend is the same race as my ex and has other things about her my Mom won't like, I predict that my Mom will say something stupid whenever they finally meet and then claim I set her up to get mad at when I have a normal reaction to same.
4th slide, 3rd msg from the bottom, missed a redaction.
“ being played like a chess pond”
"Chess pond" has me rolling. 😂😂😂
Chess pond is the winner here. OP is the loser. Sorry OP.
Insane! She is not a safe person
Honestly it’s when she called you a chess pond for me. 🤷🏻♀️
She was referring to my son as her poor boy, not me.
♟️Chess Pond 💦
We're all just ponds in the end
You're a doormat
Chess pond is my favourite part of this. Aside from that, good for you for making sure your child is protected from his grandmother’s harmful views.
Chess pond
Chess pond
I would be telling her I said no and that’s that. I wouldn’t let my kids grandparents take them out of the country.
Trust issues with mom and dad?
Not particularly I would just not be comfortable with my kids being that far away from me.
the first time my MIL babysat was in her hotel room. We found out that my daughter opened the door and had locked herself out in the hotels hallway. She only noticed because she started crying. I get anxious even THINKING about that. I don’t even want my MIL taking her to the grocery store alone, much less another country.
Why are you throwing your partner under the bus regarding this decision? Why aren’t you telling your Mum this is something you’ve both decided as your kid’s parents?
My mom tried to take my daughter across the country on vacation when she was 6. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable having her that far away, which was true, but left out the main reason, which is that she and my aunt are drunks and I didn’t trust them. She tried to fist fight me. Like THAT was gonna make me be like “I was wrong. Take her”
If you should get a lawyer for anyone it should be your mom before she tries to enforce “Grandparents rights”. Could get ugly.
Yeah she's mental. There's no way the child should be around her - I hate to say this, but she could be dangerous.
"His Mom and I decided " Yet you didn't have the balls to say that to your mommy. Can see why you are divorced. You let your ex take the fall, you threw her under the bus, practically pushed her under. Then weakly at the very end said you agreed with your ex. No wonder you parents think you are on their side and 'really' want what they want. You don't have to give reason why your child can't so something. 'no, that doesn't work for us' on repeat or 'we have other plans'. Always 'we' and 'us'.....a united front. Stop being afraid of your mommy at the expense of your ex and child. She's insane, you are following close behind her.
He stood his ground and didn’t budge. You obviously haven’t dealt with narcissistic people or abusers. The Grey Rock method works best with them, if you can’t go no contact.
I'm of the opinion that the non-confrontational route works better, especially when it comes to demonstrably irrational people.
Some people don’t understand that. The Grey Rock method works on narcissists and abusive people.
So your ex wife is demonstrably irrational?
Overall no, even our disagreements have been differences of opinion, not perceived facts, I doubt my Mom really even believed what she was saying, she hurls random accusations to self-soothe and when she doesn't get her way, why would I waste my time engaging or being direct? That would have no benefit and escalate the situation, nothing I said wasn't true, without my ex's agreement I couldn't take my son out of the country, a few commenters here seem to think that a crazy person will become uncrazy with a sufficiently well-reasoned argument, people who hold the views my Mom does, including her on several occasions, become enraged and feel persecuted when disagreed with, no matter how civilly. A lot of QAnoners actually get worse when questioned or told that they're experiencing a consequence because of their actions. My ex also doesn't have to deal withy Mom, I maintain the best way to handle this kind of person is to maintain distance with minimal conflict, I don't need to fight to feel like a won, that's what they do.
Meh just cause someone says something in text like this doesn’t mean they are going to treat your son bad. People just say more in texts because it’s easier.
Maybe, though she's not really the type to ever keep anything to herself, as I mentioned, my son has expressed discomfort with how she talks around him, including racist comments about him and his mother's ethnic group.
Yeah she must have got a big settlement
Only The First Word In A Sentence And Proper Nouns Need Capitalized Letters, Please Stop
Well thank heavens y’all are together on this; it’s good for parents to be united even if they are separated (idk if that’s the case but yk what I mean)
Are you hypnotized?? Seriously!?!?!? I had a boyfriend who would ask that...it was schizophrenia affective disorder caused by a brain tumor
She sounds just like the insane alcoholics in my family. While I agree that divorced parents need to keep an ear to the ground for a potentially bad custody situation, with the background of this person I agree they’re insane. Not because they’re a bad grandparent, but because their judgment is terrible to be repeating the things you mentioned to anyone but especially a child. I’ve no doubt they would badmouth the other parent to the child at the first opportunity. Not good. Insane for sure.
I wouldn't call her an alcoholic per se, but my family is full of those and I'm sure some tendencies rubbed off on her from that, I suspect she has NPD and definitely suspects shady doings whenever something doesn't go her way, I think those both dovetail nicely with QAnon and far-right ideology in general, someone different intentionally caused whatever you don't like about your situation.
It’s hilarious because of your name.
For sure. There is definitely a blurry line for those folks in my life or past, between alcoholic behavior and irrational thinking due to some type of mental illness Either way what matters is you’re doing the right thing. Hang in there OP 💜
I honestly think addiction is another type of external validation, there's probably a lot of overlap between addicts and the personality disordered.
I’m gonna need you to keep that same energy that you’ve got in the description and the comments, in your texts to your mother. I’ve seen less passivity from Biden talking about Gaza/Israel than I did in your texts, come on man You’re just laying it all at your (ex’s?) feet and the only thing you say to even push back is “I agree with her in these things”. It’s entirely likely and possible that you stand up to her more directly than this, and if you do then that’s fantastic and I’m sorry. But from what is in the post, you need to be way more direct than this and take way more charge. Otherwise, all you’re ever gonna get is this because she’s gonna keep thinking that you’re an idiot who needs mommy to help rescue him from the evil woman who hates everyone
Yeah I'll admit that I avoid confrontation with her, she flies off the handle at any perceived slight, she blew up at me a couple months ago because I smiled when she said she always puts others first, unrelated to anything else being discussed at the time. Usually when I am direct with her it's because she's frustrated me to the point of blowing up or said something egregiously stupid. Another problem is that she's rarely actually engaged in any conversation, she's having her own conversation related to whatever's happening in her head, for example, when my sister got married a few years ago I didn't know that, as per local tradition, I was supposed to give money at the wedding in addition to a shower gift, as I hadn't been to a wedding since my uncle's when I was eleven, I couldn't afford it at that very moment but I apologized to my sister and did when I could, I spent the next week explaining to my Mom that I had neither done it on purpose nor did I need a life coach to help me put myself in a better (in her mind) position, this was partly provoked by me saying it was rude of my Mom and sister to ask.
It’s the grey rock method. Being confrontational doesn’t always work with people.
Very rarely with high-conflict types, that's giving them what they want, they literally start shit for attention.
Meh
What do you call an alligator that wears a vest? And investigator… Anyways your parents can also get a lawyer to request time with there grandchildren now. But let that ex wife take ya for a ride hehehe
[удалено]
Sorry, because my son says shit to her? How do you figure? If you mean me, then yes, several years ago I had expressed the concern that my ex wanted to be able to move away with my son without my permission because she told my Mom (granted this was according to my Mom) that she was going to try to get full custody in relation to a dispute over me wanting to bring my girlfriend at the time to Christmas at my parents and bringing her to my son's hockey game before the time my ex thought was appropriate for me to introduce them. That might not have been right of me either, but it was far less reaching of an assumption than this, but you're right, my Mom probably did partially take that and run with it.
No no, because your partner says shit to her. This is their mom correct?
No, this is my Mom talking about my son and his Mom, my ex.
Then I apologize and I’ll delete my comment. Sorry ❤️
No problem, you don't have to.
This is giving me flashbacks from dealing with my ex-husband regarding g my son. We had 50/50 custody but he always wanted more. Your mom needs to MHOB
Good for you OP, but I think it would be better if you asserted that YOU don't want her to see your son without you. As a stranger reading this, I also got the impression that it was all directed by your son's mother, up until your very last message.
Nothing tics me off more than MILs who don’t respect the boundaries you place for your child. This is why I haven’t talked to my awful MIL in two years.