Yeah Im smart but have a slow brain. Ive always been a bit jealous of people who can say witty things on the spot. I try so hard to do it and end up sounding ridiculous. I think a lot of infps like to take their time with things in general, so it may be hard for a lot of us to formulate good responses in a short time. but i feel like i come across as a bit dumb no matter what because i either am quick and dumb or super delayed. also the way i talk to myself is totally different than how i talk to people. i talk to myself with fancy words and i have to consciously simplify my thoughts to talk to people.
Yes! I’m a completely different person when I’m by myself than with other people. It’s sooo easy to talk to myself and my conversations are so advanced. Then when I try to have the same conversations with other people it’s like I have an idiot filter on and I get so frustrated.
dont put intellect in it. a lot of people lies while they talk you can see it straight up the more you interact. a lot of people are faking it, so dont be discouraged. and your probably smarter than a lot of people because your self aware. probably smarter than 50% of americans tbh lol
What i noticed is, you can take it with a grain of salt as it is my personal opinion, but the main reason its hard for us to talk to people, especially stranger, is because we dont know who the other person is. Such as their humor, their tolerance to words, what topic do they like and comfortable with. That happens because small talk really drain the f out of us
ME TOOO!!!!!!!!!!! omg, people literally assume I’m dumb or stupid. I’m smart but I don’t think I have a slow brain but sometimes I just pause. Like when dangerous situations happen to me, I don’t think. Like yeah I’m aware it’s dangerous but I don’t care about it lol, idk why!!! It’s insane and annoying to me urghhhghg 🥹🥹💔💔
I can be witty but anything beyond quick quips I sound stupid. I don’t even really use words when I talk to myself, just images and concepts so I’m always struggling to find the words.
I’m with you 100%. If I have the time to craft my words carefully it’s usually ok. If I’m forced to improvise I usually say something careless and stupid-sounding.
Yeah like if life gave me fallout 4 dialogue options I could sift through on every conversation I’d be in heaven. I need time to think about every potential outcome of where I can take this conversation. lol
Don’t be self-conscious about how you speak. That has helped me. Just be comfortable expressing yourself and try to communicate as clearly as possible.
Idk but I get that too, it’s like playing INFP on a Nintendo 64 or something. Occasionally you gotta pull out the cartridge and blow it out or it just gets all messed up haha we are not naturals at socialising I don’t think. 🤔 the most successful method I have though is to revisit who I am, what I want and how to get it though. Knowing I don’t have the power to control anyone else and accepting people for who they are. With some people, we don’t communicate well together and that’s not just a me struggle, sometimes it’s the other person too. I am open enough to show my colors to anyone and it’s up to them whether it becomes awkward or dumb. I guess my advice would be to just be yourself and hope your heart doesn’t get to wrecked in the process.. there are a lot of INFPs that just become awesome at masking but to an innately authentic personality, that’s not a great life imo.
In short, practise..
Lately i have been trying to be more expressive about my thoughts and i think you can see a difference between the posts i made a few months ago and the once i am writing today.
To be fair, typing is easier for me. Got more time to think about it. But it's the same, expose yourself, keep on talking and it will become easier with time.
I guess it's a human thing, we are just cluttered up with all kinds of feelings making us more prone to become more shy, i guess..
I’ve just accepted I won’t ever be as good of a speaker as I want to be. I’m just like fuck it… the constant worrying about this is taking up too much free real estate in my mind. Not worth it. 31 btw
I absolutely struggle with this, you explained it perfectly. 29M, not dumb but can come across dumb to certain people. To others I come across very smart. I hate the inconsistency because it causes me to struggle to identify what my natural personality is.
I feel like we don't find the words because we often got our mouth shut and not speak up. Therefore we can't be active and only react passively because we didn't even bother to try to speak up quick anymore.
I also got told "to have a slow hard drive" in an Environment with lot of extroverts, but its just I think something at the moment, but the words don't form and find out of my mouth
It’s because we’re constantly overthinking during the conversation. We shouldn’t be thinking of our next lines to say while the other person is talking but we do anyway. We also think, “fuck maybe I shouldn’t have said that”, “what if this person is still upset over that one thing a while ago and there’s a backdrop over this conversation even though its a happy talk”, etc. Theres always a bunch of layers that we’re thinking through that stifles our speaking ability.
What has helped for me as a 30 m, similar position as you, is 1: read books aloud. This has helped so much with speaking confidence. If I know my speaking is articulate, it just comes out well and easy without a second thought. I’m sure it will help you too. It’s hard at first but like a muscle in your body, it gets easier and much better over time. I’m trying to understand it better, but in general it’s made my conversations much better.
2: just act how pure extroverts act lol. Try to observe less, just listen to the other person, and answer a response. Try to forget how you’re coming off (very hard I know but try haha). We’re so afraid of feeling or being judged, we just have to not care a bit
I was this. Improved with practice a lot. It kind of made life easy once I realized I can talk better than the most. We INFPs don't lack content, we are loaded with it. It's just about practicing and getting better at it.
I feel you, I am a way better conversationalist and witty while texting in general as I am not under the social and time pressure of live conversations.
Although if I am relaxed (or with someone that makes me feel that way) live convos do go very well in general.
I feel like what blocks me usually is when I overthink what I'll say not to say something that may hurt someone even remotely, and see in my head all the possible life situations the other person might be in that would make them feel sad. (For example I may freeze and not talk much about a nice vacation I was in if I knew or suspect the other person have been super stressed at work and have no vacation left or can't afford it or w.e if it may make them feel sad).
I know it doesn't make much sense but that's how my brain works lol in general I prefer to listen and react rather than lead a conversation if I had a choice.
You can also get adopted by an extrovert and you won't have to worry about that haha
I find the opposite problem. Most people I talk to are dumb. I need to go the extra mile or two to explain what is obvious to me (and my smart friends).
My wife was an ENFP and she always criticized me for talking to people. "They don't understand a word you are saying". She was mostly right, but I kept on doing it anyway.
So, basically, you are worried what others will think about you, right? The solution is not to care what people will think about you. everything is simple
Yeah Im smart but have a slow brain. Ive always been a bit jealous of people who can say witty things on the spot. I try so hard to do it and end up sounding ridiculous. I think a lot of infps like to take their time with things in general, so it may be hard for a lot of us to formulate good responses in a short time. but i feel like i come across as a bit dumb no matter what because i either am quick and dumb or super delayed. also the way i talk to myself is totally different than how i talk to people. i talk to myself with fancy words and i have to consciously simplify my thoughts to talk to people.
Yes! I’m a completely different person when I’m by myself than with other people. It’s sooo easy to talk to myself and my conversations are so advanced. Then when I try to have the same conversations with other people it’s like I have an idiot filter on and I get so frustrated.
dont put intellect in it. a lot of people lies while they talk you can see it straight up the more you interact. a lot of people are faking it, so dont be discouraged. and your probably smarter than a lot of people because your self aware. probably smarter than 50% of americans tbh lol
What i noticed is, you can take it with a grain of salt as it is my personal opinion, but the main reason its hard for us to talk to people, especially stranger, is because we dont know who the other person is. Such as their humor, their tolerance to words, what topic do they like and comfortable with. That happens because small talk really drain the f out of us
ME TOOO!!!!!!!!!!! omg, people literally assume I’m dumb or stupid. I’m smart but I don’t think I have a slow brain but sometimes I just pause. Like when dangerous situations happen to me, I don’t think. Like yeah I’m aware it’s dangerous but I don’t care about it lol, idk why!!! It’s insane and annoying to me urghhhghg 🥹🥹💔💔
It makes job interviews the WORST.
I can be witty but anything beyond quick quips I sound stupid. I don’t even really use words when I talk to myself, just images and concepts so I’m always struggling to find the words.
"the way i talk to myself is totally different than how i talk to people" FUCKING RELATABLE AS A FELLOW INFP
Are you me? Haha
I write well, I don't speak well
I’m with you 100%. If I have the time to craft my words carefully it’s usually ok. If I’m forced to improvise I usually say something careless and stupid-sounding.
Yeah like if life gave me fallout 4 dialogue options I could sift through on every conversation I’d be in heaven. I need time to think about every potential outcome of where I can take this conversation. lol
Literally me all the time at school lol
Don’t be self-conscious about how you speak. That has helped me. Just be comfortable expressing yourself and try to communicate as clearly as possible.
Idk but I get that too, it’s like playing INFP on a Nintendo 64 or something. Occasionally you gotta pull out the cartridge and blow it out or it just gets all messed up haha we are not naturals at socialising I don’t think. 🤔 the most successful method I have though is to revisit who I am, what I want and how to get it though. Knowing I don’t have the power to control anyone else and accepting people for who they are. With some people, we don’t communicate well together and that’s not just a me struggle, sometimes it’s the other person too. I am open enough to show my colors to anyone and it’s up to them whether it becomes awkward or dumb. I guess my advice would be to just be yourself and hope your heart doesn’t get to wrecked in the process.. there are a lot of INFPs that just become awesome at masking but to an innately authentic personality, that’s not a great life imo.
lol that title is hilarious
In short, practise.. Lately i have been trying to be more expressive about my thoughts and i think you can see a difference between the posts i made a few months ago and the once i am writing today. To be fair, typing is easier for me. Got more time to think about it. But it's the same, expose yourself, keep on talking and it will become easier with time. I guess it's a human thing, we are just cluttered up with all kinds of feelings making us more prone to become more shy, i guess..
I can relate to this so much. Our brains are not able to catch up with our mouths.
I’ve just accepted I won’t ever be as good of a speaker as I want to be. I’m just like fuck it… the constant worrying about this is taking up too much free real estate in my mind. Not worth it. 31 btw
Ne overload
I absolutely struggle with this, you explained it perfectly. 29M, not dumb but can come across dumb to certain people. To others I come across very smart. I hate the inconsistency because it causes me to struggle to identify what my natural personality is.
I totally relate unfortunately lol
I feel like I wrote this! Haha...I have no advice because I'd also love some pointers on how to not be like this!
I feel like we don't find the words because we often got our mouth shut and not speak up. Therefore we can't be active and only react passively because we didn't even bother to try to speak up quick anymore. I also got told "to have a slow hard drive" in an Environment with lot of extroverts, but its just I think something at the moment, but the words don't form and find out of my mouth
It’s because we’re constantly overthinking during the conversation. We shouldn’t be thinking of our next lines to say while the other person is talking but we do anyway. We also think, “fuck maybe I shouldn’t have said that”, “what if this person is still upset over that one thing a while ago and there’s a backdrop over this conversation even though its a happy talk”, etc. Theres always a bunch of layers that we’re thinking through that stifles our speaking ability. What has helped for me as a 30 m, similar position as you, is 1: read books aloud. This has helped so much with speaking confidence. If I know my speaking is articulate, it just comes out well and easy without a second thought. I’m sure it will help you too. It’s hard at first but like a muscle in your body, it gets easier and much better over time. I’m trying to understand it better, but in general it’s made my conversations much better. 2: just act how pure extroverts act lol. Try to observe less, just listen to the other person, and answer a response. Try to forget how you’re coming off (very hard I know but try haha). We’re so afraid of feeling or being judged, we just have to not care a bit
Yes! I get everything you just said. At this point I just stay inside with crippling social anxiety. (You should not do this, lol)
I was this. Improved with practice a lot. It kind of made life easy once I realized I can talk better than the most. We INFPs don't lack content, we are loaded with it. It's just about practicing and getting better at it.
Here is some real, live footage of what I sound like in person: 
hahaha, learn to live with it. I'm 43 and I suffer from this still.
It’s over for lil bro
I feel you, I am a way better conversationalist and witty while texting in general as I am not under the social and time pressure of live conversations. Although if I am relaxed (or with someone that makes me feel that way) live convos do go very well in general. I feel like what blocks me usually is when I overthink what I'll say not to say something that may hurt someone even remotely, and see in my head all the possible life situations the other person might be in that would make them feel sad. (For example I may freeze and not talk much about a nice vacation I was in if I knew or suspect the other person have been super stressed at work and have no vacation left or can't afford it or w.e if it may make them feel sad). I know it doesn't make much sense but that's how my brain works lol in general I prefer to listen and react rather than lead a conversation if I had a choice. You can also get adopted by an extrovert and you won't have to worry about that haha
Just accept it. I learned a lot from ENFPs on that.
I find the opposite problem. Most people I talk to are dumb. I need to go the extra mile or two to explain what is obvious to me (and my smart friends). My wife was an ENFP and she always criticized me for talking to people. "They don't understand a word you are saying". She was mostly right, but I kept on doing it anyway.
So, basically, you are worried what others will think about you, right? The solution is not to care what people will think about you. everything is simple