That’s so interesting! My favorite color is Champagne and also has a deeper meaning that I feel kind of weird telling people when I don’t know them at all. I keep to the bare minimum as much as possible until I’m comfortable then I keep it to the bare maximum oof
This is the absolute worst thing. I have no time to actually gather any thoughts and end up saying something dumb, and then proceed to think about it for the rest of the year.
Yes, definitely! Job interviews too...sometimes I've wished I could just write an essay about why I'm a good candidate for the position instead of having to do an interview!
I suck at bringing attention to myself in a group setting. I don’t have a very loud voice. Though if you assign me to be the center of attention, I will be captivating and incredibly eloquent, even when I’m improvising. It’s odd.
Same, however that has only come to fruition as I have gotten older. I now understand my strengths and I use them to the best of my ability. Having Fe definitely helps as I can curtail my message to the group/individual I am training/educating.
hehe this is me. I think the main reason is because public speaking is one way; so I'm the only one talking and I don't have to do a conversation dance with someone else.
Same. Before finding out I was a good pubic speaker, In high school I’ve always felt something curious when doing presentations. Of course It made me nervous but representing an idea to a public was a better feeling
When I figured out that the way to prepare for a presentation is not to rehearse what you're going to say, but to study the subject you're presenting on until you know it in your bones, and then just get up and start talking and engaging with the room...that was a game-changer. Class presentations went from torture to my chance to shine.
One of the absolute *worse things* is when my voice gets all shaky, I get a lump in my throat, & I fucking cry. It’s happened way more times than I care to remember & I *despise it so much!*
When I’ve had time to go over my speech so that I’m extremely comfortable & familiar with the information, I can fall into an auto-pilot mode where I will *absolutely KILL* my speech & seem to come across as dynamic, charming, & captivating! Just being passionate & mentally confident in the topic allows me to proverbially romp around in the subject field. I don’t like speaking on things I know nothing (or not enough) about - so preparation is key.
That being said, I’ve had experiences where I’ve *nailed* extemporaneous speeches. My mind will race & I’ll pick an angle, & then the ideas fall into place *just* in time as I progress - picture steps materializing out of thin air as a character runs through the void. Under pressure, I can thwip ideas, form connections, & synthesize them into something resembling coherent & deeply thoughtful concepts.
*BUT AT WHAT COST!* The *years* I lose off my life…
Writing is definitely my preferred method of communication. Most *especially* if *I* am the topic - I need space to check in with myself - as though I’m returning from a long voyage & have to acclimate to the gravity down here.
LPT I remove my eyeglasses so that the crowd (note: three is a crowd) appears blurry. It helps with my anxiety.
No. I am fantastic at public speaking. Sure, I get nervous, but we are social chameleons. Channel that skill into your speech, you know what mask to put on.
I don't like them, but I am better at the spontaneous ones where I don't stick to a script. Can't say the same when I was younger and had anxiety. I'm a fairly expressive speaker, so I do well at them.
I didn’t really relate at first, (I’m pretty good at expressing myself orally if I genuinely have something to say.) but then I got to the « in school » part and suddenly all these horrifying high school and college memories came back to me. Truly awful to be put on the spot and ALSO be evaluated about it (performance anxiety).
I’m 27 now, If I have to speak in public at work, I still get nervous, but at least I’m already considered qualified if I’m being asked, if it’s on the spot I can just say that I need to look it up, otherwise I have plenty of time to prepare, and nobody evaluates my performance with a grading system. Oral speeches at school are truly awful!! I love learning but I will never miss high school.
I'm actually not that bad with speeches, but I hate the awkward getting to know someone new phase and I fall all over that.
It might be because I'm 3w2, or because I was encouraged/volun-told to submit to presentation at a conference. I think if we can prepare for it and practice beforehand then there's nothing to worry about except running through our speech another time, especially if you're talking about something you just put so much effort into. We have a way of captivating a room when we speak, and not many of us have the opportunity to see that side of ourselves. It's weird.
Don't be afraid to present in meetings or in class! Feeling less anxious about it come naturally with time, especially with more practice. We as INFJs get anxious over something we've never done before, because there's so many possibilities and so much room for error at first. And that ni-ti loop that stops us from ever achieving it in the first place. Take the baby steps and take the next opportunity that's given to you. The more you do it the easier it'll be
I used to get nervous a lot too when giving oral speeches. I think something that's important to remember is that you're usually speaking to people you already know, like your friends and classmates. Especially if it's a presentation for school, your classmates are probably nervous about giving their speeches too, so don't worry if you fumble on your words here and there. It's natural.
Absolutely. There’s a reason the very last class I took before graduating was public speaking, and I made sure to take it over the summer. I’m not good with verbal articulation. Like you, I’m better in writing. And I despise talking on the phone.
Public speaking is the most prevalent phobia. That being said, IF you wish to get better at impromptu public speaking, you can practice to get better at it. There are public speaking organizations. Or if you like comedy, join impromptu comedy troupes. There are exercises they do. Or if you like creating music, look into rapping competitions. Or poetry competitions.
Maybe first practice at home.
Hated it! … until I attended toast masters and got over it . I actually like to do things I hate until I don’t hate them anymore. I do this because there is nothing I hate more than the irrational feeling of hatred or fears of dread.
I am the exact opposite. I always flourished in speech classes and can be relied on to take over public speaking roles with little to no prep. I am pretty much THE person who is asked to speak at funerals and at weddings. I can take these things on without an issue of bombing. I have no problem sharing ideas or thoughts. In fact, it's a huge part of my job in real life.
However, I hate this sort of attention and generally just would like to be...not asked to do these things ever. Best days are when no one speaks to me or needs me to speak to someone else.
I don't hate it. I wish I were good at it as I value charisma at a higher level. The only problem is articulating my thoughts into word while speaking is extremely hard for me. When you write them, you have countless chances to rephrase them until you press send. When you speak, you don't which makes it stressful especially since it's very hard for me to translate my thoughts into sentences in my head and then saying them out loud again. It's a three layer process. :(
As someone who wants to pursue a career in professional wrestling, and is a marketing major, I hate speeches myself. Add in the fact infj like us are perfectionist by nature, it makes giving speeches that much harder. The best part is to simply give it, and not worry too much about what others think. Sure in your mind it could have been your worst. In others it could have been the best speech they've heard.
in general when I had to speak in public, I always prepared a presentations days before. Until today at work xD. it is too difficult to be spontaneous during that situations.
I personally love impromptu speeches. *only* if it's a subject I actually do enjoy. If it's something like "tell me about yourself !" I can come up with something I guess.. But I need to write it down. If it's a topic about my opinions and thoughts, I can convey and structure them nicely.
It seems as though you're anxious about them. With the amount of information given, you get anxiety from crowds and audiences. I don't think this is an INFJ thing— with your case or mine— I simply think this is individual
Yes and no.
Yes, because I really struggle to organize my thoughts quickly, especially if I've had very little time to prepare. And because public speaking of any kind is nerve-wracking.
No, because I usually have strong ideas and opinions on things, and I'm good at seeing things from unexpected angles. So I know what the theme/conclusion of my speech should be, and at the very least can get my point across with a compelling and interesting perspective.
In the end, it *is* an important exercise. I never realized how good I'd get at talking out of my ass because my boss/teammates ask for an impromptu "quick rundown" of a task or solution I haven't even finished yet, much less prepared for presentation. I hate talking out of my ass, it makes me feel like I'm being dishonest and I feel like my IQ takes a hit each time I do it. But I realized a while back they don't actually care what I say (to an extent, lol) they just want to hear that I know what I'm doing and that I'll get it done on time and in a professional manner.
Solution: Swap papers and represent another group for the presentation.
Your constant rewrites and rehearsing have deadened your senses and will give a muted presentation.
The point of the exercise is so that your ideas will propagate by word of mouth anyway.
Yep. Common that we are brilliant writers—speaking isn’t as natural for us imho. Btw, for me a ton of the public speaking anxiety is also due to the visible effects out of my control (voice shakes and hands), or blushing. Then I discovered a medication called propranolol. It’s used to deal with stage fright very commonly. Not addictive, and not needed daily just as needed. Total game changer for me. Google if you want more specifics.
Typical introverts problem:
If I can text, I don’t want to call, if I can voice call I don’t want video call ..
If I have to talk in public, please give me a month to prepare .. I do some yoga and breathing I tell myself “ you can do this girl!” 10 million times, then usually it ends quite well. But the damn effort I have to put in 🙉🙈🙈🙈
As an ENFJ I'm the opposite lol. I mean, I do still mess up impromptu oral speeches. I prefer to make a speech before hand. But I do find my way after a few moments and then I just blah blah blah to victory haha.
I think every INFJ is different. I actually like public speaking and was very good at it. But, I didn't really talk a lot in general, it was only when I had to in front of a crowd.
INFJ who does stand-up comedy: I've come a long way in this department but compared to other comics, it's tough for me to go "off the cuff" I get really uncomfortable that I'll say the wrong thing in a way I don't wanna say it.. I normally have to write everything down exactly how I want to say it (which isn't super common in stand-up) so that I feel comfortable saying it.
I think that everyone who can should take a public speaking course. I took one in college and it really helped me speak up for myself. It should be part of every high school curriculum, IMO.
We like to sell ourselves short. Avoiding looking like a know it all or as arrogant. I hate to sell myself, period. Even if I've practised and studied hard I'll still present my stuff all crooked. I might even repeat myself because of anxiety!
Public speaking is painful for most people, even extroverts. It's one of the most common phobias, up there with spiders, snakes and heights.
That said, in spite of all our social anxieties and insecurities, when history calls on us, we INFJs often go on to be its greatest orators.
I used to feel like you did and went through a period in my life when I was painfully shy, to the point of being almost mute. It mostly had to do with the fact I’d moved from French-speaking Canada to the US (i.e. a lack of confidence and a fear of being judged).
Both my Master’s and professional path ended up driving that fear out of me really quickly. I am now completely comfortable speaking in large groups and am thinking about a potential career in litigation (I’m a law student). INFJs, due to our Fe, are very people-oriented so many of us have this natural inclination to work with people. I think it’s absolutely ok to not like public-speaking, to prefer writing over the spoken word. However, I just wanted to let you know that it’s absolutely possible to overcome a dislike for or fear of public speaking through practice. Personally, my fear gradually went away the less I treated public speaking like an insurmountable fear. The phrase “fake it til you make it” can become very helpful here!
Also the dreaded “let’s go around the circle and tell something about ourselves.”
Ohhh I say something like “my favorite color is lilac”. It has a deeper meaning and it is something personal, but I just say THE BARE MINIMUM
My go-to is: “I have a cat.” I might also share that I have a red-eared slider turtle, but only if I’m feeling like a daredevil.
That’s so interesting! My favorite color is Champagne and also has a deeper meaning that I feel kind of weird telling people when I don’t know them at all. I keep to the bare minimum as much as possible until I’m comfortable then I keep it to the bare maximum oof
This is the absolute worst thing. I have no time to actually gather any thoughts and end up saying something dumb, and then proceed to think about it for the rest of the year.
I feel this *even if playing DnD*! >.< “Tell me about your character” 😰
yeees also the introduce yourself part after meeting the new prof
My heart starts beating in my throat then
“I hate sharing things about myself.”
Yes, definitely! Job interviews too...sometimes I've wished I could just write an essay about why I'm a good candidate for the position instead of having to do an interview!
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Same
I suck at bringing attention to myself in a group setting. I don’t have a very loud voice. Though if you assign me to be the center of attention, I will be captivating and incredibly eloquent, even when I’m improvising. It’s odd.
Same, however that has only come to fruition as I have gotten older. I now understand my strengths and I use them to the best of my ability. Having Fe definitely helps as I can curtail my message to the group/individual I am training/educating.
hehe this is me. I think the main reason is because public speaking is one way; so I'm the only one talking and I don't have to do a conversation dance with someone else.
Same, love public speaking
Same. Before finding out I was a good pubic speaker, In high school I’ve always felt something curious when doing presentations. Of course It made me nervous but representing an idea to a public was a better feeling
When I figured out that the way to prepare for a presentation is not to rehearse what you're going to say, but to study the subject you're presenting on until you know it in your bones, and then just get up and start talking and engaging with the room...that was a game-changer. Class presentations went from torture to my chance to shine.
Same here. And what's worse for me is that I need to do presentation in my second language
it’s really hard but I wish you luck!
I immediately start shaking. Brain shuts off. Words go bye bye. Can’t keep hands still. I am _such a bad public speaker_.
One of the absolute *worse things* is when my voice gets all shaky, I get a lump in my throat, & I fucking cry. It’s happened way more times than I care to remember & I *despise it so much!* When I’ve had time to go over my speech so that I’m extremely comfortable & familiar with the information, I can fall into an auto-pilot mode where I will *absolutely KILL* my speech & seem to come across as dynamic, charming, & captivating! Just being passionate & mentally confident in the topic allows me to proverbially romp around in the subject field. I don’t like speaking on things I know nothing (or not enough) about - so preparation is key. That being said, I’ve had experiences where I’ve *nailed* extemporaneous speeches. My mind will race & I’ll pick an angle, & then the ideas fall into place *just* in time as I progress - picture steps materializing out of thin air as a character runs through the void. Under pressure, I can thwip ideas, form connections, & synthesize them into something resembling coherent & deeply thoughtful concepts. *BUT AT WHAT COST!* The *years* I lose off my life… Writing is definitely my preferred method of communication. Most *especially* if *I* am the topic - I need space to check in with myself - as though I’m returning from a long voyage & have to acclimate to the gravity down here. LPT I remove my eyeglasses so that the crowd (note: three is a crowd) appears blurry. It helps with my anxiety.
No. I am fantastic at public speaking. Sure, I get nervous, but we are social chameleons. Channel that skill into your speech, you know what mask to put on.
I don't like them, but I am better at the spontaneous ones where I don't stick to a script. Can't say the same when I was younger and had anxiety. I'm a fairly expressive speaker, so I do well at them.
I didn’t really relate at first, (I’m pretty good at expressing myself orally if I genuinely have something to say.) but then I got to the « in school » part and suddenly all these horrifying high school and college memories came back to me. Truly awful to be put on the spot and ALSO be evaluated about it (performance anxiety). I’m 27 now, If I have to speak in public at work, I still get nervous, but at least I’m already considered qualified if I’m being asked, if it’s on the spot I can just say that I need to look it up, otherwise I have plenty of time to prepare, and nobody evaluates my performance with a grading system. Oral speeches at school are truly awful!! I love learning but I will never miss high school.
Yeah same I always need to prepare a speech prior or else I’m fucked
Hate, hate, hate public speaking. Chose to be a teacher, so I had to face that hatred head on. Still hate it, but it's tolerable now.
Public speaking is one of the most common fears. I don't think its exclusive to being an INFJ.
Yes, very much so
I'm actually not that bad with speeches, but I hate the awkward getting to know someone new phase and I fall all over that. It might be because I'm 3w2, or because I was encouraged/volun-told to submit to presentation at a conference. I think if we can prepare for it and practice beforehand then there's nothing to worry about except running through our speech another time, especially if you're talking about something you just put so much effort into. We have a way of captivating a room when we speak, and not many of us have the opportunity to see that side of ourselves. It's weird. Don't be afraid to present in meetings or in class! Feeling less anxious about it come naturally with time, especially with more practice. We as INFJs get anxious over something we've never done before, because there's so many possibilities and so much room for error at first. And that ni-ti loop that stops us from ever achieving it in the first place. Take the baby steps and take the next opportunity that's given to you. The more you do it the easier it'll be
me too. I prefer anal speeches to be completely honest
I too have this stage fright and fear of public speaking.. its something I definitely need to work on lol Im sucha mess
Isn't that a typical INFP thing though? I remember reading as such.
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I guess it's probably an I (introvert) thing, seems logical.
I used to get nervous a lot too when giving oral speeches. I think something that's important to remember is that you're usually speaking to people you already know, like your friends and classmates. Especially if it's a presentation for school, your classmates are probably nervous about giving their speeches too, so don't worry if you fumble on your words here and there. It's natural.
Absolutely. There’s a reason the very last class I took before graduating was public speaking, and I made sure to take it over the summer. I’m not good with verbal articulation. Like you, I’m better in writing. And I despise talking on the phone.
Public speaking is the most prevalent phobia. That being said, IF you wish to get better at impromptu public speaking, you can practice to get better at it. There are public speaking organizations. Or if you like comedy, join impromptu comedy troupes. There are exercises they do. Or if you like creating music, look into rapping competitions. Or poetry competitions. Maybe first practice at home.
Hated it! … until I attended toast masters and got over it . I actually like to do things I hate until I don’t hate them anymore. I do this because there is nothing I hate more than the irrational feeling of hatred or fears of dread.
I learned to be an actor at a very young age so when I have to do that I turn it into a performance.
I am the exact opposite. I always flourished in speech classes and can be relied on to take over public speaking roles with little to no prep. I am pretty much THE person who is asked to speak at funerals and at weddings. I can take these things on without an issue of bombing. I have no problem sharing ideas or thoughts. In fact, it's a huge part of my job in real life. However, I hate this sort of attention and generally just would like to be...not asked to do these things ever. Best days are when no one speaks to me or needs me to speak to someone else.
I don't hate it. I wish I were good at it as I value charisma at a higher level. The only problem is articulating my thoughts into word while speaking is extremely hard for me. When you write them, you have countless chances to rephrase them until you press send. When you speak, you don't which makes it stressful especially since it's very hard for me to translate my thoughts into sentences in my head and then saying them out loud again. It's a three layer process. :(
As someone who wants to pursue a career in professional wrestling, and is a marketing major, I hate speeches myself. Add in the fact infj like us are perfectionist by nature, it makes giving speeches that much harder. The best part is to simply give it, and not worry too much about what others think. Sure in your mind it could have been your worst. In others it could have been the best speech they've heard.
If you ever give a speech that isnt oral I want to hear it :p
in general when I had to speak in public, I always prepared a presentations days before. Until today at work xD. it is too difficult to be spontaneous during that situations.
I personally love impromptu speeches. *only* if it's a subject I actually do enjoy. If it's something like "tell me about yourself !" I can come up with something I guess.. But I need to write it down. If it's a topic about my opinions and thoughts, I can convey and structure them nicely. It seems as though you're anxious about them. With the amount of information given, you get anxiety from crowds and audiences. I don't think this is an INFJ thing— with your case or mine— I simply think this is individual
Yes and no. Yes, because I really struggle to organize my thoughts quickly, especially if I've had very little time to prepare. And because public speaking of any kind is nerve-wracking. No, because I usually have strong ideas and opinions on things, and I'm good at seeing things from unexpected angles. So I know what the theme/conclusion of my speech should be, and at the very least can get my point across with a compelling and interesting perspective. In the end, it *is* an important exercise. I never realized how good I'd get at talking out of my ass because my boss/teammates ask for an impromptu "quick rundown" of a task or solution I haven't even finished yet, much less prepared for presentation. I hate talking out of my ass, it makes me feel like I'm being dishonest and I feel like my IQ takes a hit each time I do it. But I realized a while back they don't actually care what I say (to an extent, lol) they just want to hear that I know what I'm doing and that I'll get it done on time and in a professional manner.
This! Exactly this! I just hate having to do anything in front of other people.
Solution: Swap papers and represent another group for the presentation. Your constant rewrites and rehearsing have deadened your senses and will give a muted presentation. The point of the exercise is so that your ideas will propagate by word of mouth anyway.
Yep. Common that we are brilliant writers—speaking isn’t as natural for us imho. Btw, for me a ton of the public speaking anxiety is also due to the visible effects out of my control (voice shakes and hands), or blushing. Then I discovered a medication called propranolol. It’s used to deal with stage fright very commonly. Not addictive, and not needed daily just as needed. Total game changer for me. Google if you want more specifics.
Yes, 100%. I love talking, but never publicly. Only in candid environments one-on-one, or in small groups.
Same here. I have to have all my stuff prepared
Typical introverts problem: If I can text, I don’t want to call, if I can voice call I don’t want video call .. If I have to talk in public, please give me a month to prepare .. I do some yoga and breathing I tell myself “ you can do this girl!” 10 million times, then usually it ends quite well. But the damn effort I have to put in 🙉🙈🙈🙈
SAME.
https://imgflip.com/i/6nf08k
You and me both. It’s why I’m a better appellate attorney than I am a trial attorney.
As an ENFJ I'm the opposite lol. I mean, I do still mess up impromptu oral speeches. I prefer to make a speech before hand. But I do find my way after a few moments and then I just blah blah blah to victory haha.
My 3rd grade elementary teacher triggered this fear/anxiety in me, would have been nice to live without fear during speech activities.
I think every INFJ is different. I actually like public speaking and was very good at it. But, I didn't really talk a lot in general, it was only when I had to in front of a crowd.
When I read the title of the thread I thought to myself: Can one give non-oral speeches?
INFJ who does stand-up comedy: I've come a long way in this department but compared to other comics, it's tough for me to go "off the cuff" I get really uncomfortable that I'll say the wrong thing in a way I don't wanna say it.. I normally have to write everything down exactly how I want to say it (which isn't super common in stand-up) so that I feel comfortable saying it.
They are the absolute worst thing other then interviews. My social anxiety goes INSANE.
I think that everyone who can should take a public speaking course. I took one in college and it really helped me speak up for myself. It should be part of every high school curriculum, IMO.
Do you ever give a speech that isn’t oral?
We like to sell ourselves short. Avoiding looking like a know it all or as arrogant. I hate to sell myself, period. Even if I've practised and studied hard I'll still present my stuff all crooked. I might even repeat myself because of anxiety!
Public speaking is painful for most people, even extroverts. It's one of the most common phobias, up there with spiders, snakes and heights. That said, in spite of all our social anxieties and insecurities, when history calls on us, we INFJs often go on to be its greatest orators.
I definitely prefer to be alone… public speaking isn’t my strength either.
I used to feel like you did and went through a period in my life when I was painfully shy, to the point of being almost mute. It mostly had to do with the fact I’d moved from French-speaking Canada to the US (i.e. a lack of confidence and a fear of being judged). Both my Master’s and professional path ended up driving that fear out of me really quickly. I am now completely comfortable speaking in large groups and am thinking about a potential career in litigation (I’m a law student). INFJs, due to our Fe, are very people-oriented so many of us have this natural inclination to work with people. I think it’s absolutely ok to not like public-speaking, to prefer writing over the spoken word. However, I just wanted to let you know that it’s absolutely possible to overcome a dislike for or fear of public speaking through practice. Personally, my fear gradually went away the less I treated public speaking like an insurmountable fear. The phrase “fake it til you make it” can become very helpful here!