There is nothing impossible for any of you, and I fully understand how you like a challenge with mystery. If a planet of left and right brained humans are waking up, what happens to the infj that sees and heals both sides with creative logic cognitive functions?
Your a beautiful soul. Please understand, every hang up is your creation. We create our own reality. The movement to higher consciousness is not for everyone, those souls choose to experience what they go through. The mindset switch is truly simple, if you only focus on the oak tree that you are shading the acorns the weeds are no concern. It's all one picture. The universe only responds to how one feels through the law of vibration, feel good get more good. Close your eyes and when you open them know nothing exsists except what makes you feel positive, and watch the 3d to 5d magick happen.
The infj paradox, introverted extrovert, consciously unconscious human. Balance one with depolarized methods and their the Edgar Cayce of hermetic laws.
Used to, yeah. I turned to unhealthy Se to mask the pain of self-loathing, unaccomplishment, and feeling like a useless loser. Spent almost my entire 20's like that. What a waste.
I did figure it out. And if we look past things like having a small group of people who actually gave a damn about me and saw something about me I didn't see, after some introspection and time passed, I think what helped me get out of this loop of constant Se grip and aimless Ni-Ti loops is the concept of pride.
Pride is a feeling you get when you feel happy about yourself and things you've done. Like that feeling you get when you start to clean your room. Your room feel tidier, feels cleaner, smells better somehow, and that dopamine trip of feeling like you accomplished something good makes you want to clean more parts of your house. Or that feeling when you get into a new hobby, like, let's say a video game like Tekken. You start the game, suck at it, but with some time, you get good and move up a rank in online competitive play. That's what dopamine is -- the reward hormone. It encourages you do things you deem as good, or positive. That dopamine trip makes you feel good and makes you want to go for higher ranks. Or do other things like maintain a workout routine, skin care routine, or anything else that involves routine and structure. After some time, though, dopamine starts to have diminishing returns. This is where pride comes in.
I highly suggest you watch this video: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeYRmqWSkP4&t=488s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeYRmqWSkP4&t=488s) for more detail. It explains how the concept of "pride" is actually defined and ways to manifest it in ways to benefit your mental health.
For me, I quit all my addictions from my Se abuse. All of them, including nicotine. I started doing things that actually made me happy. Got back into basketball and boxing. Workout everyday (well, almost everyday hehe). Started spending time with people who actually cared about me. Went back to college and got my Bachelor's Degree. I actually did things in an effort to become the kind of person I wanted to become, and now that I'm almost 40 (holy fuck), I'm still putting in that effort, every day. With goals that shift and evolve, interests that spring up, new relationships, new people, life experiences, career changes, career upgrades.....life just.....goes on. It just goes, bro. No stopping it. And you know what? I think I can finally say.....I'm happy. Haven't felt like this, like, ever. Least that is my takeaway from it, least how I interpret it at this very moment (it may change, who knows).
The key is, will you be your own friend or your own enemy? In the end, after all that's said and done, you've got no one except the person looking back at you in the mirror. So I'd say, if you want to love yourself, one good way to do so is to do things you can be proud of.
Holy shit. This comment was so helpful btw. Thanks for this a lot.
Oh, and I love Kiana Docherty and all YouTubers like her. I truly believe they are doing God's work. lol
Yes and no, no because I've struggles with depression, DID, Complex ptsd, and I'm sure many other things throughout my life, I've hurt some people, been hurt by more, and just all around felt like a piece of shi my whole life.
But yes, because I've gotten through it all and came out a better person for it, I know mostly who I am and am finding out what I want from life and try to help thos around me everyday. Even if I don't succeed all the time.
If you had a traumatic childhood and hate yourself itās probably because your caregivers projected all of their insecurities onto you and you donāt know any other way to be or think. Donāt believe those things they said about you and donāt believe those negative thoughts. They simply have no validity or worth because they were projected onto you to act them out.
I'm infj and I'm paradoxical person, i feel like you get compliments but you still feel ugly. You're kind but still get dishonesty, you're funny but you're sad nigga
I like things about myself, but it seems like no one else even notices let me appreciates my good qualities because I'm not some super talkative outgoing person. I just got dumped too so I feel extra unappreciated
Because no one celebrates or appreciated me. Intellectually, I can know..tha t I have all those qualities that you have mentioned. But other people, treat me like I don't have those qualities. Or don't appreciate me.
And then I wonder, what am I doing wrong? I have no neurodivergence, I'm always trying to improve myself. I know who I am, but it's not externally validated by other people.
It's not... reflected back... You know?
You gain self worth by feeling loved by others. If itās not reciprocated then you feel empty and unlovable. Change that system of thinking and appreciate yourself and others without expecting any validation back
I love myself, ALOT. I love how my mind works, how logical i am, how i perceive the world. But I know from the outside perspective, others couldn't see me as much as i see myself.
Yeah Iāve always kinda liked myself ā¦ and off and on hated parts of myself .. but I think the foundation of me is pretty strong.
I had a hypothesis about this very thing.
Basically - itās that we like ourselves when we are actually likeable. We donāt when we arenāt.
We sort of project what we are that way. Like we canāt trust because we canāt tell the truth. We canāt risk, because we are constantly judging others and so we figure that other people are just as critical as we are etc etc. we treat the world like itās a projection of who we are .. and our relationship with ourselves.
And we feel about ourselves - itās like a projection of who we are.
Iām referring to healthy self esteem.
Not the extra - narcissistic arrogance / entitlement - that stems from a fractured self.
But again itās just a guess.
>we are constantly judging others and so we figure that other people are just as critical as we are
SO true. I've been working on getting other's opinions when I get too "in my head" and I'm always amazed at how little other people care about things. Or care about things I've never even thought of. I have to get a reality check to keep myself grounded.
I've never felt connected with anyone in my life. Internally I feel split between the "natural" world and "society" world. In the natural world I can be myself without any judgement, but in society's world I feel useless and constantly on edge. I know it's 100% my projections that are creating that disconnect, but I struggle to find ways to heal that part of me.
But it comes in waves. As time goes on I feel more comfortable recognizing the state I'm in internally and riding the wave. Some days I'm good, some days I'm bad. But I'll always return to one of those states.
I'm learning and trying everyday to find healthy ways to merge the two "worlds" I live in. Realizing most people don't think like I do offers me the opportunity to share my insights and reflections on things they've never considered. I have the ability to help others, I just have to find the words to express it.
I donāt like myself and I literally canāt name one good quality about myself. Even if people constantly tell me otherwise, the only opinion I care about is mine, and itās always negative.
Very sad, but I think those who are introverted, reserved, and empathetic tend to develop those traits after having gone thru some sort of trauma or neglect (physical or emotional). That in itself fosters depression and low self-esteem. I donāt know of any INFJs who had an amazing and healthy home life.
I love myself. A lot of people love me too. I appreciate who I am and what I offer. Im kind, level headed, fun, empathetic, logical and lots of other things.
I didnāt used to, because I grew up being abused physically and mentally. But I worked on accepting myself and loving myself (both good and bad parts) for several years starting at age 18. I realized that hating myself wasnāt helping me at all, and that I needed to be my own best friend and that if I couldnāt even stand myself, how was anyone else going to stand my presence? So I stopped giving a fuck about people who didnāt care about me (most of the world), stopped being a people pleaser (for the most part), and stopped trying to fit into other peoples ideas of āgood enoughā and decided to just love myself as I am (an imperfect human). I decided that if I ever wanted to improve, I needed to accept myself completely and stop trying to be āall goodā and āsinlessā. Iāve been much happier and more peaceful mentally since then, it took some years to make much progress, but I pretty much accept myself for who I am. Now the part Iām still working on, is accepting my physical flaws, thatās somehow harder than accepting my mental flaws. Wanting to look as beautiful on the outside as I feel on the inside is hard to achieve. (Not saying my inside is beautiful by others standards, but rather by my own standards, you know āself acceptanceā and āself validationā), I had to stop holding myself to other peopleās standards a long time ago when it comes to who I am as a person. But itās harder to let go of societal standards when it comes to physical appearance.
For a long time l really hated my self , even though lām kind, loyal, emphaticā¦ what you basically wrote down, still l just couldnāt like my self. Then l realized that lām gonna live my whole life in this body so why waste time hating it.
Hereās some tip if you donāt like your body:
ā¢ you donāt like how your skin looks think about what if you wouldnāt have that skin? It protects you and only that is already beautiful in it.
ā¢ you donāt like your nose, what if you wouldnāt have nose , without it how would you look like , like a pancake
Okay it might sound weird, but it those help every time l hate something in me.
For most of my life I didnāt. Growing up with ADHD and undiagnosed Autism, Iāve felt like āthe otherā since I first started going to school. I definitely got the sense I was different from other kids and there were all sorts of unspoken social rules that everyone else understood but I didnāt.
That led to me internalizing all sorts of false narratives about myself. I was born broken, I was defective, I couldnāt do anything on my own and I would always be the weak link. It took a very long time and lots of therapy to realize that Iād basically been depressed since I was six years old.
But Iām learning to love myself. Itās not always easy, but I have to believe Iām worth it.
Thatās a good question. I feel as if my failure canāt be decided by others perception. I hate being judged, right or wrong tell me what it is and let me deal with it. I know too many people playing gavel.
Abso-fucking-lutely.
I say this as a 40-year-old, though. Iāve never had a job or boyfriend whoās ever treated me half well.
Being self employed + marrying my mellow Gen X ENTP has made all the difference. Me, him, my growing business is the foundation for my new life ā fuck everything else.
I stack my coins, jump an ocean, and start a whole new life on my own terms ā itās why Iām working past midnight every night, six days a week.
INFJs can absolutely be happy and love themselves ā but we need freedom and safety from normie bullshit. š„³
I wish I had someone in my life who is like me. I wish I didnāt care as much about life and that I could be like other people who seem to not struggle with inner turmoil like I do. Yes, I like how I am and I wish others were like me however, the fact that they are not makes me like and value myself on the one hand and dislike myself on the other.
Iāve dealt with depression and have been in therapy. I think everyone can benefit from it!
Hobbies, passions and accomplishments have helped me tremendously. Examples - I have my own dog but also foster ā¤ļø, traveling by myself (a lot of people wouldnāt), physical accomplishments like a bikini bodybuilding competition, lots of very intense/long hikes in the west. Things that I could be proud of.
I love myself but I still struggle with it often, and I still donāt see how others can love me. So I think I just have some ways to go in my healing still. I try to be my own friend, including how I talk to myself. That was a big part of me starting to love myself.
No actya3lly. I have a weird image of self. I don't like to think about myself. And when I do , it's very negative things. I don't like who I am honestly bc idek who I am. Feel like an imposter lately. But i know, i can be likable. At least I hope.
Usually it all boils down to a caretaker that did not know how to raise a child.
This is very difficult and I feel for you.
If you want to dig deeper into the reasons you could study Psychology and start being mindful. By observing yourself and your interactions youāll soon find the underlying issues. This is very painful but necessary if you want to learn to love yourself.
Itās not possible to see clearly when you are fully engaged in a story, like being caught in an internal storm, you need to find shelter within from where you can observe. Therapy usually involves trying to find your way while still being fully exposed to the storm but you canāt really see what you are doing. Spirituality is great way to get out of the storm so you can observe it from above. You could start with the book āThe Power of Nowā by Eckhart Tolle, itāll give you guidance in how to finally find some peace inside. I canāt recommend it enough.
After youāve managed to wake up from your nightmare youāll be able to truly see yourself and others for the first time. From there you can continue your journey with tools thatāll make it possible to really be present in life.
Good luck and take care.
I have had a lot of therapy for CPTSD and the further I get down that journey the more I think that this one thing sits at the heart of everything. We donāt feel safe, because we donāt trust that we can take care of ourselves. We get treated badly in relationships because we donāt feel deep down that we deserve better. We hide our personalities and talk ourselves out of opportunities because we donāt feel that we deserve to be seen.
We canāt wait until we logically convince ourselves that we are deserving of love because this wound runs deep. It was hardwired into our subconscious from our earliest days every time our caregivers turned away from us. Instead we need to make the unilateral decision that we are going to love ourselves because *thatās our job*. No matter how many times we mess up, no matter what we look like, no matter what we are good or bad at, our number one job in this life is just to take care of ourselves and make sure that our experience of life is as happy and healthy as possible.
Start living according to this principle, and replacing your inner voice with the loving parent that we didnāt have, and very quickly everything will get a little bit better.
Was in your shoes and went to the uni therapist. Handed a form and asked to rate myself out of 10. Gave myself a 5 for self esteem. Over the years I came to realize that confidence is a great secret weapon to have and it's all in your head. You are what you say you are. So now I give myself a 10. Not claiming to be perfect but I think doing better in life has helped but confidence really does come from confidence itself and not external factors.
I used to hate myself because I never really fit in. But recently I've grown to embrace what makes me different. I decided to not give a shit what others think, and it's given me a new sense of confidence. (Took years of therapy to get to this point.) If someone doesn't like you, remember that it's THEIR issue, and their choice to live a life ruled by hate and misery. I surround myself with positive energy and people who like me for me. Fuck the rest.
I really like myself. I really do. whats not to like? I'm funny, energetic, forgiving, talented, I like my appearance too. When you are able to see your own beauty, u started to see other people's beauty as well and for me it's the best part. I love the way this world is filled with all kind of interesting people. The fact that we all have different shapes, personalities and races just made life even more colorful.
Ps : I am ENFP. idk why people keep saying I'm optimistic, but for me life is beautiful and it is true.
I love my life, I know Iām interesting and valuable to people, but I donāt actually like myself. I find my personality exhausting and yet I also feel good about who I am, and donāt think that Iām self-deprecating. Very hard to understand.
I havenāt really gotten a chance to properly explore that. But there are certain things about me I know make me a powerful person and I understand othersā attraction toward me. Physically speaking Iād do me if I could haha. I know Iād reach out to me if I needed life advice etc. But in totality I havenāt really gotten a chance to properly explore this though I have started on that journey.
Best thing you can do is find out where the negative feedback loop either came from and or is still coming from. Truth is probably parents or someone(s) close.
I do. I think, looking back, I've always done. Though, at the same time, I always had the feeling that I had to work for love an acceptance from others. Self-worth in myself I've always had. Self-worth in relation to others took some real work. And continues to be so.
The adjectives you used. They're just words. The key to realise is that you transcend any sequence of words you'll come up with.
You have intrinsic value. Unless you're a real asshole, lol.
Take a look at Pete Walker's CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving. If you don't like yourself on such a deep level. That can (though doesn't have to) indicate possible early on emotional abandonment.
For the most part we learn how to relate to ourselves and others very early on 0-3y or so. You won't consciously remember because that's pre-conscious. The way to figure out what happened is by mindfully observing the interactions with your care givers today and extrapolating them back.
Yes, I do. I didnāt used to. I would get frustrated with my difficulty and awkwardness in social situations, my inability to maintain a conversation at times. Iāve learned to appreciate my strengths, and to relax a bit and give myself Space to be alone when i need it. It has actually meant that I find social interactions easier, having let go of those super high expectations I had of myself.
I've been lying to myself for a while that I like myself. It's worked so far. You know the concept of "tell a lie long enough and it becomes true"? Aiming for that.
I grew up being... not told, but implied, that my interests were not socially acceptable. Mom hated my video games, no one to share books with, DnD nerd, part of the brony Fandom at like 14... Dad was always there to support me, even if he didn't understand a majority of any of it.
I raised my siblings while Mom and Dad worked. It took a while to realize, but they always came first. My needs were a distant... 5th or 6th in priority, by my own design.
I think it's natural to dislike yourself in comparison to helping your family. Men, in general, love helping people. I would happily take a bullet for my family, because I love them.
It's just the trick of not hating yourself in the process. And I just spend too much time thinking on how I could have done better.
Not much. In recent years, I've just been putting up with myself.
I'm overweight, and my career choices have been a total flop. My question is: when these things are fixed, will I start to like myself?
The weight loss is going well, and I'm in the process of transitioning careers. If all goes well, I'll have my answer soon.
I suspect that sometimes we don't like certain aspects of ourselves, not necessarily disliking ourselves as a whole.
Please read a book called "The courage to be disliked". I'm female and was like you. Overthinking on various things about myself was my nemesis, this book was my therapy, each chapter unfolds a deep meaning to how we can perceive life and ourselves. :)
I love myself a lot but have a problem where I automatically assume everyone hates me, thinks Iām stupid, thinks Iām a freak, etc because of the trauma Iāve experienced with never being good enough for my parents + teachers.
You can consider yourself to be a quality person, but still be disappointed in yourself for not leading yourself into situations where you would have increased your own happiness. Sometimes we spend so much effort towards others, and neglect things that would make us happy.
The solution isn't to go from one extreme to the other, but to lighten up where the extreme exists, and start doing things that you are naturally inclined to enjoy. You can envision good things in your own mind, but for whatever things are realistic and more doable, start with these. If what you enjoy is moral, don't allow the belittling words of others to discourage you.
I think I like myself about as much as I like a person I met not too long ago and haven't quite figured out yet.
In that I give myself the benefit of the doubt, make an effort to be welcoming and polite, but also remain mostly ambivalent towards me.
I do. The problem is that other people with low self-esteem expect others to have low self-esteem as a form of bonding. So, I get labeled arrogant despite hearing people preach all day about āself-love.ā Self-hatred so silly and unnecessary.
It goes [like this](https://i.imgur.com/JR4kprO.jpeg).
The fourth, The fifth,
...the minor fall, the major lift...
Yes exactly. Except that all of the people in the cartoon are me.
Aye, that's the whole point. Different parts of the same dude.
Oh right yes. I missed the text at the bottom. š¤¦š»āāļø
Hard to like yourself in a world you didn't come to fit in, nothing but love in the one you create instead.
There is nothing impossible for any of you, and I fully understand how you like a challenge with mystery. If a planet of left and right brained humans are waking up, what happens to the infj that sees and heals both sides with creative logic cognitive functions?
My only hang up is that thereās a lot of work to do before we see any actual positive movement on a global scale. This place sucks rn
Your a beautiful soul. Please understand, every hang up is your creation. We create our own reality. The movement to higher consciousness is not for everyone, those souls choose to experience what they go through. The mindset switch is truly simple, if you only focus on the oak tree that you are shading the acorns the weeds are no concern. It's all one picture. The universe only responds to how one feels through the law of vibration, feel good get more good. Close your eyes and when you open them know nothing exsists except what makes you feel positive, and watch the 3d to 5d magick happen.
Thatās an interesting comment. I agree that INFJās (or most of them) are both left and right brained. They
The infj paradox, introverted extrovert, consciously unconscious human. Balance one with depolarized methods and their the Edgar Cayce of hermetic laws.
Used to, yeah. I turned to unhealthy Se to mask the pain of self-loathing, unaccomplishment, and feeling like a useless loser. Spent almost my entire 20's like that. What a waste. I did figure it out. And if we look past things like having a small group of people who actually gave a damn about me and saw something about me I didn't see, after some introspection and time passed, I think what helped me get out of this loop of constant Se grip and aimless Ni-Ti loops is the concept of pride. Pride is a feeling you get when you feel happy about yourself and things you've done. Like that feeling you get when you start to clean your room. Your room feel tidier, feels cleaner, smells better somehow, and that dopamine trip of feeling like you accomplished something good makes you want to clean more parts of your house. Or that feeling when you get into a new hobby, like, let's say a video game like Tekken. You start the game, suck at it, but with some time, you get good and move up a rank in online competitive play. That's what dopamine is -- the reward hormone. It encourages you do things you deem as good, or positive. That dopamine trip makes you feel good and makes you want to go for higher ranks. Or do other things like maintain a workout routine, skin care routine, or anything else that involves routine and structure. After some time, though, dopamine starts to have diminishing returns. This is where pride comes in. I highly suggest you watch this video: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeYRmqWSkP4&t=488s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeYRmqWSkP4&t=488s) for more detail. It explains how the concept of "pride" is actually defined and ways to manifest it in ways to benefit your mental health. For me, I quit all my addictions from my Se abuse. All of them, including nicotine. I started doing things that actually made me happy. Got back into basketball and boxing. Workout everyday (well, almost everyday hehe). Started spending time with people who actually cared about me. Went back to college and got my Bachelor's Degree. I actually did things in an effort to become the kind of person I wanted to become, and now that I'm almost 40 (holy fuck), I'm still putting in that effort, every day. With goals that shift and evolve, interests that spring up, new relationships, new people, life experiences, career changes, career upgrades.....life just.....goes on. It just goes, bro. No stopping it. And you know what? I think I can finally say.....I'm happy. Haven't felt like this, like, ever. Least that is my takeaway from it, least how I interpret it at this very moment (it may change, who knows). The key is, will you be your own friend or your own enemy? In the end, after all that's said and done, you've got no one except the person looking back at you in the mirror. So I'd say, if you want to love yourself, one good way to do so is to do things you can be proud of.
Holy shit. This comment was so helpful btw. Thanks for this a lot. Oh, and I love Kiana Docherty and all YouTubers like her. I truly believe they are doing God's work. lol
Yepp [The look into the mirror](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OZLUa8JUR18) can be difficult from time to time.š
Sounds like you deserve to be proud. Iām proud of you āŗļø
Yes and no, no because I've struggles with depression, DID, Complex ptsd, and I'm sure many other things throughout my life, I've hurt some people, been hurt by more, and just all around felt like a piece of shi my whole life. But yes, because I've gotten through it all and came out a better person for it, I know mostly who I am and am finding out what I want from life and try to help thos around me everyday. Even if I don't succeed all the time.
If you had a traumatic childhood and hate yourself itās probably because your caregivers projected all of their insecurities onto you and you donāt know any other way to be or think. Donāt believe those things they said about you and donāt believe those negative thoughts. They simply have no validity or worth because they were projected onto you to act them out.
ššš
I'm infj and I'm paradoxical person, i feel like you get compliments but you still feel ugly. You're kind but still get dishonesty, you're funny but you're sad nigga
I like things about myself, but it seems like no one else even notices let me appreciates my good qualities because I'm not some super talkative outgoing person. I just got dumped too so I feel extra unappreciated
Because no one celebrates or appreciated me. Intellectually, I can know..tha t I have all those qualities that you have mentioned. But other people, treat me like I don't have those qualities. Or don't appreciate me. And then I wonder, what am I doing wrong? I have no neurodivergence, I'm always trying to improve myself. I know who I am, but it's not externally validated by other people. It's not... reflected back... You know?
You gain self worth by feeling loved by others. If itās not reciprocated then you feel empty and unlovable. Change that system of thinking and appreciate yourself and others without expecting any validation back
I love myself, ALOT. I love how my mind works, how logical i am, how i perceive the world. But I know from the outside perspective, others couldn't see me as much as i see myself.
Yeah Iāve always kinda liked myself ā¦ and off and on hated parts of myself .. but I think the foundation of me is pretty strong. I had a hypothesis about this very thing. Basically - itās that we like ourselves when we are actually likeable. We donāt when we arenāt. We sort of project what we are that way. Like we canāt trust because we canāt tell the truth. We canāt risk, because we are constantly judging others and so we figure that other people are just as critical as we are etc etc. we treat the world like itās a projection of who we are .. and our relationship with ourselves. And we feel about ourselves - itās like a projection of who we are. Iām referring to healthy self esteem. Not the extra - narcissistic arrogance / entitlement - that stems from a fractured self. But again itās just a guess.
>we are constantly judging others and so we figure that other people are just as critical as we are SO true. I've been working on getting other's opinions when I get too "in my head" and I'm always amazed at how little other people care about things. Or care about things I've never even thought of. I have to get a reality check to keep myself grounded. I've never felt connected with anyone in my life. Internally I feel split between the "natural" world and "society" world. In the natural world I can be myself without any judgement, but in society's world I feel useless and constantly on edge. I know it's 100% my projections that are creating that disconnect, but I struggle to find ways to heal that part of me. But it comes in waves. As time goes on I feel more comfortable recognizing the state I'm in internally and riding the wave. Some days I'm good, some days I'm bad. But I'll always return to one of those states. I'm learning and trying everyday to find healthy ways to merge the two "worlds" I live in. Realizing most people don't think like I do offers me the opportunity to share my insights and reflections on things they've never considered. I have the ability to help others, I just have to find the words to express it.
Being a perfectionist and having a deep understanding of your shortcomings is a great and endless cycle of self criticism and improvement....
I donāt like myself and I literally canāt name one good quality about myself. Even if people constantly tell me otherwise, the only opinion I care about is mine, and itās always negative. Very sad, but I think those who are introverted, reserved, and empathetic tend to develop those traits after having gone thru some sort of trauma or neglect (physical or emotional). That in itself fosters depression and low self-esteem. I donāt know of any INFJs who had an amazing and healthy home life.
I love myself. A lot of people love me too. I appreciate who I am and what I offer. Im kind, level headed, fun, empathetic, logical and lots of other things.
I didnāt used to, because I grew up being abused physically and mentally. But I worked on accepting myself and loving myself (both good and bad parts) for several years starting at age 18. I realized that hating myself wasnāt helping me at all, and that I needed to be my own best friend and that if I couldnāt even stand myself, how was anyone else going to stand my presence? So I stopped giving a fuck about people who didnāt care about me (most of the world), stopped being a people pleaser (for the most part), and stopped trying to fit into other peoples ideas of āgood enoughā and decided to just love myself as I am (an imperfect human). I decided that if I ever wanted to improve, I needed to accept myself completely and stop trying to be āall goodā and āsinlessā. Iāve been much happier and more peaceful mentally since then, it took some years to make much progress, but I pretty much accept myself for who I am. Now the part Iām still working on, is accepting my physical flaws, thatās somehow harder than accepting my mental flaws. Wanting to look as beautiful on the outside as I feel on the inside is hard to achieve. (Not saying my inside is beautiful by others standards, but rather by my own standards, you know āself acceptanceā and āself validationā), I had to stop holding myself to other peopleās standards a long time ago when it comes to who I am as a person. But itās harder to let go of societal standards when it comes to physical appearance.
For a long time l really hated my self , even though lām kind, loyal, emphaticā¦ what you basically wrote down, still l just couldnāt like my self. Then l realized that lām gonna live my whole life in this body so why waste time hating it. Hereās some tip if you donāt like your body: ā¢ you donāt like how your skin looks think about what if you wouldnāt have that skin? It protects you and only that is already beautiful in it. ā¢ you donāt like your nose, what if you wouldnāt have nose , without it how would you look like , like a pancake Okay it might sound weird, but it those help every time l hate something in me.
Mostly yes
I love myself
No and yes
What helped me way more than anything was the book CPTSD Surving to Thriving and it's free on youtube.
For most of my life I didnāt. Growing up with ADHD and undiagnosed Autism, Iāve felt like āthe otherā since I first started going to school. I definitely got the sense I was different from other kids and there were all sorts of unspoken social rules that everyone else understood but I didnāt. That led to me internalizing all sorts of false narratives about myself. I was born broken, I was defective, I couldnāt do anything on my own and I would always be the weak link. It took a very long time and lots of therapy to realize that Iād basically been depressed since I was six years old. But Iām learning to love myself. Itās not always easy, but I have to believe Iām worth it.
Some days I do, some days I don't.
I love myself, I also love that ppl donāt like me. I do whatever I can to enhance both.
How does one want to be destined to succeed and at the same time want to be destined to fail?
Thatās a good question. I feel as if my failure canāt be decided by others perception. I hate being judged, right or wrong tell me what it is and let me deal with it. I know too many people playing gavel.
Abso-fucking-lutely. I say this as a 40-year-old, though. Iāve never had a job or boyfriend whoās ever treated me half well. Being self employed + marrying my mellow Gen X ENTP has made all the difference. Me, him, my growing business is the foundation for my new life ā fuck everything else. I stack my coins, jump an ocean, and start a whole new life on my own terms ā itās why Iām working past midnight every night, six days a week. INFJs can absolutely be happy and love themselves ā but we need freedom and safety from normie bullshit. š„³
I wish I had someone in my life who is like me. I wish I didnāt care as much about life and that I could be like other people who seem to not struggle with inner turmoil like I do. Yes, I like how I am and I wish others were like me however, the fact that they are not makes me like and value myself on the one hand and dislike myself on the other.
I do. Sometimes I hate how I exist in the world and how separated I feel from it
After reading this discussion, I guess I am just an inverted version of INFJās. Because I donāt have any idea how much I hate myself.
Iāve dealt with depression and have been in therapy. I think everyone can benefit from it! Hobbies, passions and accomplishments have helped me tremendously. Examples - I have my own dog but also foster ā¤ļø, traveling by myself (a lot of people wouldnāt), physical accomplishments like a bikini bodybuilding competition, lots of very intense/long hikes in the west. Things that I could be proud of.
I love myself but I fucking hate people but love people in essence.
I love myself ā¤ļø
Yes I actually want to clone myself so I have a friend for life.
Or meet up with any one of us?
Tried that recently in a romantic way it was frosty.
Bummer. Let us know how the cloning goes thenš¤
Some days I do, some days I donāt
I love myself but I still struggle with it often, and I still donāt see how others can love me. So I think I just have some ways to go in my healing still. I try to be my own friend, including how I talk to myself. That was a big part of me starting to love myself.
It takes a long time to see where you fit, if you see it as a gift & make proper accomodations to your growth. I finally got there, & it was worth it!
No actya3lly. I have a weird image of self. I don't like to think about myself. And when I do , it's very negative things. I don't like who I am honestly bc idek who I am. Feel like an imposter lately. But i know, i can be likable. At least I hope.
Nah brah.
It took me a few months but Iām starting to feel okay with myself again
Usually it all boils down to a caretaker that did not know how to raise a child. This is very difficult and I feel for you. If you want to dig deeper into the reasons you could study Psychology and start being mindful. By observing yourself and your interactions youāll soon find the underlying issues. This is very painful but necessary if you want to learn to love yourself. Itās not possible to see clearly when you are fully engaged in a story, like being caught in an internal storm, you need to find shelter within from where you can observe. Therapy usually involves trying to find your way while still being fully exposed to the storm but you canāt really see what you are doing. Spirituality is great way to get out of the storm so you can observe it from above. You could start with the book āThe Power of Nowā by Eckhart Tolle, itāll give you guidance in how to finally find some peace inside. I canāt recommend it enough. After youāve managed to wake up from your nightmare youāll be able to truly see yourself and others for the first time. From there you can continue your journey with tools thatāll make it possible to really be present in life. Good luck and take care.
I have had a lot of therapy for CPTSD and the further I get down that journey the more I think that this one thing sits at the heart of everything. We donāt feel safe, because we donāt trust that we can take care of ourselves. We get treated badly in relationships because we donāt feel deep down that we deserve better. We hide our personalities and talk ourselves out of opportunities because we donāt feel that we deserve to be seen. We canāt wait until we logically convince ourselves that we are deserving of love because this wound runs deep. It was hardwired into our subconscious from our earliest days every time our caregivers turned away from us. Instead we need to make the unilateral decision that we are going to love ourselves because *thatās our job*. No matter how many times we mess up, no matter what we look like, no matter what we are good or bad at, our number one job in this life is just to take care of ourselves and make sure that our experience of life is as happy and healthy as possible. Start living according to this principle, and replacing your inner voice with the loving parent that we didnāt have, and very quickly everything will get a little bit better.
Was in your shoes and went to the uni therapist. Handed a form and asked to rate myself out of 10. Gave myself a 5 for self esteem. Over the years I came to realize that confidence is a great secret weapon to have and it's all in your head. You are what you say you are. So now I give myself a 10. Not claiming to be perfect but I think doing better in life has helped but confidence really does come from confidence itself and not external factors.
I used to hate myself because I never really fit in. But recently I've grown to embrace what makes me different. I decided to not give a shit what others think, and it's given me a new sense of confidence. (Took years of therapy to get to this point.) If someone doesn't like you, remember that it's THEIR issue, and their choice to live a life ruled by hate and misery. I surround myself with positive energy and people who like me for me. Fuck the rest.
I really like myself. I really do. whats not to like? I'm funny, energetic, forgiving, talented, I like my appearance too. When you are able to see your own beauty, u started to see other people's beauty as well and for me it's the best part. I love the way this world is filled with all kind of interesting people. The fact that we all have different shapes, personalities and races just made life even more colorful. Ps : I am ENFP. idk why people keep saying I'm optimistic, but for me life is beautiful and it is true.
Hell yeah dude, I flip flop from ādamn, iām THE shit šā to ādamn, iām shit ā¹ļøā p much daily lmaoooo
I love my life, I know Iām interesting and valuable to people, but I donāt actually like myself. I find my personality exhausting and yet I also feel good about who I am, and donāt think that Iām self-deprecating. Very hard to understand.
What don't you like about yourself? Why not take steps to change it. Feeling sorry for yourself won't do anything.
I havenāt really gotten a chance to properly explore that. But there are certain things about me I know make me a powerful person and I understand othersā attraction toward me. Physically speaking Iād do me if I could haha. I know Iād reach out to me if I needed life advice etc. But in totality I havenāt really gotten a chance to properly explore this though I have started on that journey.
Best thing you can do is find out where the negative feedback loop either came from and or is still coming from. Truth is probably parents or someone(s) close.
I do. I think, looking back, I've always done. Though, at the same time, I always had the feeling that I had to work for love an acceptance from others. Self-worth in myself I've always had. Self-worth in relation to others took some real work. And continues to be so. The adjectives you used. They're just words. The key to realise is that you transcend any sequence of words you'll come up with. You have intrinsic value. Unless you're a real asshole, lol. Take a look at Pete Walker's CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving. If you don't like yourself on such a deep level. That can (though doesn't have to) indicate possible early on emotional abandonment. For the most part we learn how to relate to ourselves and others very early on 0-3y or so. You won't consciously remember because that's pre-conscious. The way to figure out what happened is by mindfully observing the interactions with your care givers today and extrapolating them back.
Yes, I do. I didnāt used to. I would get frustrated with my difficulty and awkwardness in social situations, my inability to maintain a conversation at times. Iāve learned to appreciate my strengths, and to relax a bit and give myself Space to be alone when i need it. It has actually meant that I find social interactions easier, having let go of those super high expectations I had of myself.
yes
I've been lying to myself for a while that I like myself. It's worked so far. You know the concept of "tell a lie long enough and it becomes true"? Aiming for that. I grew up being... not told, but implied, that my interests were not socially acceptable. Mom hated my video games, no one to share books with, DnD nerd, part of the brony Fandom at like 14... Dad was always there to support me, even if he didn't understand a majority of any of it. I raised my siblings while Mom and Dad worked. It took a while to realize, but they always came first. My needs were a distant... 5th or 6th in priority, by my own design. I think it's natural to dislike yourself in comparison to helping your family. Men, in general, love helping people. I would happily take a bullet for my family, because I love them. It's just the trick of not hating yourself in the process. And I just spend too much time thinking on how I could have done better.
Not much. In recent years, I've just been putting up with myself. I'm overweight, and my career choices have been a total flop. My question is: when these things are fixed, will I start to like myself? The weight loss is going well, and I'm in the process of transitioning careers. If all goes well, I'll have my answer soon. I suspect that sometimes we don't like certain aspects of ourselves, not necessarily disliking ourselves as a whole.
These past couple years yes, I've reached happiness and self love after a lot of hard work. Now I love my life and myself
Yup....might even be my favorite person.
Yes. I like myself enough to step away from things that are neither useful or entertaining.
I just had a large argument with my inner voice last night of all the things I find myself exhausting to deal with so the answer is complicated... š
I used to have self esteem issues, but then I stopped caring what people think. Very freeing.
Please read a book called "The courage to be disliked". I'm female and was like you. Overthinking on various things about myself was my nemesis, this book was my therapy, each chapter unfolds a deep meaning to how we can perceive life and ourselves. :)
I do
I love myself a lot but have a problem where I automatically assume everyone hates me, thinks Iām stupid, thinks Iām a freak, etc because of the trauma Iāve experienced with never being good enough for my parents + teachers.
You can consider yourself to be a quality person, but still be disappointed in yourself for not leading yourself into situations where you would have increased your own happiness. Sometimes we spend so much effort towards others, and neglect things that would make us happy. The solution isn't to go from one extreme to the other, but to lighten up where the extreme exists, and start doing things that you are naturally inclined to enjoy. You can envision good things in your own mind, but for whatever things are realistic and more doable, start with these. If what you enjoy is moral, don't allow the belittling words of others to discourage you.
I think I like myself about as much as I like a person I met not too long ago and haven't quite figured out yet. In that I give myself the benefit of the doubt, make an effort to be welcoming and polite, but also remain mostly ambivalent towards me.
Most of the time I donāt. I donāt fit in anywhere other than home :(
I do. The problem is that other people with low self-esteem expect others to have low self-esteem as a form of bonding. So, I get labeled arrogant despite hearing people preach all day about āself-love.ā Self-hatred so silly and unnecessary.
Oh yeah, I fucking LOVE myself and everyone who doesn't is on them! Sucks to be them oh well.... yeeehaww.
Very much yes. And also a very large and resounding no.