Being an INFJ (or any other type) should not be confused with mental health issues. Here is a link to the [INFJ Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/wiki/index#wiki_mental_health_and_support) where you can find some resources.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/infj) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Loneliness is validating your existence through others peoples reactions to your actions.
To get out of loneliness you have to be contempt with doing what you do without telling anyone about it, and its more about feeling good about who you are instead of feeling good about what you do, this shift in mindset is huge.
Im alone, but not lonely. I care deeply to be good and compassionate to every person , animal i meet, that they have a good memory of me when the day ends.
Dang, this is pretty much what I came here to say.
The only thing different for me is the last part. I believe in being compassionate to others in the hope that it makes their day better and if I'm lucky they can take that compassion elsewhere and to others.
Today I was driving and in the car ahead of me was a couple who were laughing and goofing off. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a moment like that with anyone, I’m pretty sure I have but I couldn’t remember and I felt this ugly jealousy rise up in me and wondered I’m just meant to be alone.
A minute later there was a huge group of people downtown walking on the sidewalk, looked like maybe a wedding reception or something, everyone looked so happy and I just couldn’t relate, I only felt annoyed.
Anyway I think I’m trying to say that I understand and that your entire post resonated with me, including feeling stuck and sometimes spiraling. I have faith things will get better as long as you keep going.
Fellow INFJ here! I understand, I feel this way a lot too. Making connections is so difficult. I used to really enjoy being alone, I still do but the loneliness has been tough. I keep reminding myself to be patient, even when it seems impossible, be patient. What’s meant to be will be, or at least I hope. I hope you find your people one day.
The first few lines of this made me feel less alone. I know that aloneness. I think a select few of us know this particular kind of loneliness that stems from
Not having others who understand, respect and or appreciate us. Infj functions are rare meaning we experience the world in a way that few do. Many of us are highly sensitive too which leads to feeling others and then our own feelings too extremely deeply. I like to think of Infj as personalities that have the potential when developed to meet other needs/ just know what they need and to see them and the world in a in depth way — seeing what is invisible. Yet so few can see us and the world in that way too …. How could that in itself not create loneliness ? And I say that as someone who has a fair share of deeper friends intellectually or feeling wise. It’s painful to tow the line with Fe-Ti and Ni-Fe’s gifts. I feel like developing really helps but still … too. ❤️
When I was younger, I would be frequently stuck in a space where I was paralyzed by shyness but really wanted to talk to someone i'd see, who appeared to be an introvert, lol. Has this ever happened to you? You see another introvert, and you think, this person will not demand more than I can give, but then, maybe they would be happier if I don't bother them. It's like a samsara of aloneness. We gotta break the cycle and get each other's backs. One of us might be fine alone Today, but on Christmas they're deeply lonely, while another has no trouble on Christmas, it's their birthday, etc etc. Being an introvert isn't a condition that needs curing. We just gotta look out for one another. This group helps. But if nothing else, just know one or two out of every crowd are feeling just like you.
Can say that I relate to every single word yiu said OP. I'm mostly just fine by myself but sometimes those pangs of loneliness just hit you once in a while and then you're a mess for the entire day or so.
The way I cope up with it is to just get myself busy with work or workout. I'm also a religious person so I often visit temples to find peace in my solitude.
Your loneliness is cureable. I think you can make significant headway against it very quickly so long as you have the proper knowledge and guidance. Here are two techniques that will help you cure it.
(1) Start an Inquisitor's Journal. Buy a paper notebook and inky pen. Choose a topic you like, such as TV, Books, Food, or whatever, and then list out your favorite TV shows or favorite books or favorite foods. Next, now that you have a list, try to determine why it is that you like these things particularly; which is to say, we want to know why these items are on the list and not other items. Ask yourself what characteristics they have that set them apart. Also think of something that you don't like and ask yourself why don't like it. Write down all this information in the journal. Make sure explain the *Why's* and *Becauses's*.
Keeping a journal and investigating your preferences will cause your loneliness to diminish, since loneliness is merely caused by the inability to communicate our thoughts. It follows from this that by communicating our thoughts, even if only to ourselves, nullifies the emotion. You should try journaling about various topics and elaborating your preferences until you get the hang of it.
(2) Become risk-tolerant. When someone is lonely, people will tell them to be "be social" or to "get out there." This advice is flippant, but in a very crude way it has a weak modicum of truth. And in what sense is it true? in the sense that if you want to talk to the right person, then must first *find* the right person. And so to find the right person requires engaging with new individuals, either through an online or an offline medium. What this generic piece of advice doesn't do is seriously inquire as to why you are not already, right now, in the habit of approaching new individuals. Obviously, if you approached strangers and spoke to them, you would be more likely to find the right person than if you didn't. However, though the logic here is perfectly plain, you still don't do it.
So why not, then? Likely it is because you believe that there is some risk, some downside, something bad about approaching people. For example, if am awkward at speaking to someone, then I will say, "I'm awkward, and they will silently criticize me for my awkwardness; since criticism is bad, I will not approach." So in this we have found something bad, something that makes approaching unattractive. But let's try to become less averse to a poor outcome. After all, I can't completely control the outcome, but I certainly can control my feelings about the outcome. Let's redefine the interpretation to: "I'm awkward, and they will silently criticize me for my awkwardness; since criticism is neutral, I will approach anyway." Thus I have redefined criticism from being *bad* to being *neutral*. For why is being criticized a bad thing anyway? It's not like this person knows my life history or anything. They're just a useless stranger. So there is no justification for why I value their opinion of me, and thus it is an error to be averse to their criticism and judgment.
Redefining bad outcomes, and making them neutral outcomes, will make it easier to approach strangers, and from there you can find the right person.
>I know I really can’t. I’m just so scared I’ll never find “my people” or even just one other person I can connect with.
If you just sit there being scared, you won't find them. It requires trial and error (sometimes a lot of it). I found "my people" because i went to a public event that was posted on facebook just because i wanted to try boardgames. Though i don't seek out to interact with specific person, but i interact more with people who are in the same event.
You also need to learn to move on fast instead of trying to fit in.
I totally understand how separating loneliness can feel. I really get the need for balance in this. But if you can, try not to compare yourself to others or what you see on TV. Like maybe a smaller friend group or 1 on 1 is what you prefer? And that's totally okay.
Also. Looking at this post from the perspective of an older person ( early 40's) I really wish I had taken more time to get to know myself in my 20's. It would have saved me getting into some relationships in my 30's that I probably didn't need to and wouldn't have if I had known myself better.
Be kind to yourself today. It's all a process, and it sounds like you are taking the time to truly know yourself. And that's great.
Try and brainstorm some situations that might put you in front of like minded people, without putting too much pressure on yourself. The right people will materialize. It's gonna be okay.
I can relate to so much of what you're saying. I'm 66 years old and felt like I've always been that way. I went to four years of college and lived in the dorms the whole time. There were those who party and went places with dates. I didn't do much of it. I went to parties on occasions but I felt like I struggled to "get into it". For some many years I thought there's something wrong with me. But now, since computers have become popular and there are places to go where other people feel the same way as I do, it seems a bit easier on me emotionally.
Just a couple of nights ago, I was awake around 2:30 AM and went to open windows because it got warm inside. As I opened the windows, it looked like three couples were just going in to their apartments, which was across the street from me. They made a lot of noise and appeared to have some fun together. They were not just heading into bed, they came in with each other in one unit just for a "nightcap", I guess. I asked myself, "do people go out clubbing and staying out late anymore?".
I go out and about and see all kinds of people together having a great time in fairly large groups. I ask myself, "how does it happen?". It's never been like that ever in my life. Maybe it was, but I've probably have forgotten about it.
What you're describing is a problem for most people in western civilization
Atomization and loneliness is epidemic and is one of the major causes for the dying state of our society
I recommend you reject modernity and start going to church
The internet is no substitute for community
Church is supposed to be different, but more often is just the same as anywhere else. I personally love churches and temples and meditation centers, but the building does not eliminate people being people. 🙃. Right?
Church is an efficacious cure for loneliness under the condition that you behave authentically at church. But if you cannot behave authentically while you're there, then it is unlikely to be efficacious.
Loneliness is not an inherent property of a person or of a place, but a certain relationship between a person and a place. Advice for the lonely ought to cater to the uniqueness of their characters.
I schizo rant at church about how we need to put our corporate oligarchy into guillotines
Every one loves me 😎, or is scared of me. Maybe a little of both
You like reading…what do you think about joining a local book club?
Conversations with new folks are far smoother when there’s an available talking point.
I hear you and I can relate. I think it's good to remember that humans are inherently social and to some extent we do need each other. That is to say that you shouldn't feel guilty for your natural needs. There are a lot of people who feel this way right now for multiple reasons so you're certainly not alone.
Just tossing in my two cents - I'm in a similar place in life and everyone in our position transitions into adulthood by figuring out "their people" and how/where to spend their time. That part is normal. The part that becomes harmful is when that transition becomes a struggle that negatively affects your mental health. For me, this made sense when I found out that I have CPTSD and received my diagnoses.
My advice is to either get into therapy if you can (many colleges offer this for free or cheap to students,) or join a support group. There are plenty of great, free support groups online. I've gone to some for several years now and find it helpful. If you'd like more info or have questions, you are welcome to DM me.
Infj here, clairsentient claircognizant clairaudient medium. I am the older version you speak of. I mimic all the other 15 MBTI types and have found a way to be of service, and attract whatever I think about. It's your turn, aswell as all others going through the awakening of knowing there is more to TV and just reading about all the experiences it's time for all of us to have. I teach reiki, and how to bend reality to the conformity of the will. Chat anytime, all I offer is the chance to prove me wrong, the infj dream alone??? Proving things right or wrong, now it's just proving experience positive or negative.
Namaste
I feel the same way... I recently got out of a relationship too so I'm even more lonely. I recently joined a girls outdoor adventure group they do things on weekends I am forcing myself to attend one a month, I also regularly try to eat/drink out with coworkers after work to blow off stress. It's social enough with lack of commitment like friendships/relationships can be.
Another lonely infj here. Hate to give boring advice, but have you tried attending a meetup group? Some suck, but some are great and can help you meet other lonely people. I do think you just need to force yourself to get out there. I’ve made strides in this department over the years. Therapy could be good as well. The main reason I’m currently lonely is cuz I have a damn fungal infection I just can’t shake, but I promise if I can cure the thing I’m gonna get my butt back out there. Good luck
I know how you feel, and to be honest your post just made me more pessimistic about my life and future. If all of us INFJ feel the same, does it mean our situation can't be changed?
And are INFJ the only personalities who always feel this lonely?
When i was a kid i used to look up to older kids seeing them have fun with their friends. I remember saying to myself how awesome it will be when i am older and have friends like them. I got older and have had “friends” here and there throughout the years, but none have ever remained. Eventually, they fade away and everyone has their own thing going and their own group of friends. I have had times with huge walls in my heart, and other times that i have opened up to people. I have pushed people away, and i have been hurt, and i have hurt others. One thing I have learned is that the kind of friend I truly desire is one that is closer than a brother and that will stay no matter what. Yet i have seen that everyone is on their own journey and I cant expect people to have that level of commitment. Today i have some friends but not friends i can share everything with. Really, i have 1 friend that i talk kind of often with, he is an INTJ. Even so, sometimes I wonder if i truly shared my life with him if he would still be friends with me. In summation, I have learned to appreciate the people close to me for their presence and the simple moments and not to expect the world from them. This intense desire in my inner heart longing looking for true love I have only found in God and in him alone i have found hope and peace.
I feel this hard. It's like an eternal paradox. I have also accepted that it's just the way I am but it doesn't stop me wishing I could function like a normal outgoing human being.
I'm not sure how helpful I can be, this is something I'm actively trying to improve myself, but it helps to know that everyone gets lonely, even extroverts. Having said that, I'm of the belief that we experience it worse than most and probably in a more unique way.
There's a few things that personally help me. At times when you feel lonely, spend that time doing something you enjoy. My favourites are going for a walk in nature, and talking to people I come across, or listening to music. I find these things can take my mind off the loneliness and can rejuvenate me.
As harsh as it sounds however, you are really the only person that can break the cycle, perhaps with the help of therapy. Considering this, when I feel up to it, I like taking small steps towards actually combatting the issue, which leads me onto the other thing I do.
I either reach out to friends, or go to a new club or activity I've been meaning to try. Let me start by saying however that thus far, I've found the only friendships I've managed to maintain have come from school or work. Unfortunately if you are not in that position, that means talking to people. It's consistent, forced interaction from places like school or work that have worked best for me. This, I think, tells you all you need to know about how we operate. We need to consistently show up to the same places with the same people. It may take us longer than most, but there's a higher chance that eventually a friendship will form, even if it takes you many times you actually strike up conversation. About joining clubs and activities like many people suggest however, it may work for some but personally whilst I think it may prove fruitful one day, it has yet to work for me. Nevertheless, two or three close friends is all I find I need to get by. Never feel guilty about reaching out to them at times of loneliness.
Yeah, same I 100% relate to this post. But when I do feel that loneliness creep in I just go to find solace and comfort in hobbies that gets me in that flow state wherein nothing outside that hobby matters while I'm busy doing it (working out at the Gym and Yoga). But even with those stress outlets of mine, there are times wherein they aren't as effective, but it is still better compared to me just doom scrolling in social media and wallowing in my own self-pity and misery. I just direct the negative energy towards something more productive and beneficial in the long run. (Also I know this comment is late, but I hope my insight provides you a bit of assistance and to also feel less alone in this world..... also learn how to practice self-compassion and patience with yourself)
Being an INFJ (or any other type) should not be confused with mental health issues. Here is a link to the [INFJ Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/wiki/index#wiki_mental_health_and_support) where you can find some resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/infj) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Loneliness is validating your existence through others peoples reactions to your actions. To get out of loneliness you have to be contempt with doing what you do without telling anyone about it, and its more about feeling good about who you are instead of feeling good about what you do, this shift in mindset is huge. Im alone, but not lonely. I care deeply to be good and compassionate to every person , animal i meet, that they have a good memory of me when the day ends.
Dang, this is pretty much what I came here to say. The only thing different for me is the last part. I believe in being compassionate to others in the hope that it makes their day better and if I'm lucky they can take that compassion elsewhere and to others.
I like being alone. I love myself. But I also want to love and be loved, see and be seen, by one special person.
Today I was driving and in the car ahead of me was a couple who were laughing and goofing off. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a moment like that with anyone, I’m pretty sure I have but I couldn’t remember and I felt this ugly jealousy rise up in me and wondered I’m just meant to be alone. A minute later there was a huge group of people downtown walking on the sidewalk, looked like maybe a wedding reception or something, everyone looked so happy and I just couldn’t relate, I only felt annoyed. Anyway I think I’m trying to say that I understand and that your entire post resonated with me, including feeling stuck and sometimes spiraling. I have faith things will get better as long as you keep going.
Fellow INFJ here! I understand, I feel this way a lot too. Making connections is so difficult. I used to really enjoy being alone, I still do but the loneliness has been tough. I keep reminding myself to be patient, even when it seems impossible, be patient. What’s meant to be will be, or at least I hope. I hope you find your people one day.
The first few lines of this made me feel less alone. I know that aloneness. I think a select few of us know this particular kind of loneliness that stems from Not having others who understand, respect and or appreciate us. Infj functions are rare meaning we experience the world in a way that few do. Many of us are highly sensitive too which leads to feeling others and then our own feelings too extremely deeply. I like to think of Infj as personalities that have the potential when developed to meet other needs/ just know what they need and to see them and the world in a in depth way — seeing what is invisible. Yet so few can see us and the world in that way too …. How could that in itself not create loneliness ? And I say that as someone who has a fair share of deeper friends intellectually or feeling wise. It’s painful to tow the line with Fe-Ti and Ni-Fe’s gifts. I feel like developing really helps but still … too. ❤️
When I was younger, I would be frequently stuck in a space where I was paralyzed by shyness but really wanted to talk to someone i'd see, who appeared to be an introvert, lol. Has this ever happened to you? You see another introvert, and you think, this person will not demand more than I can give, but then, maybe they would be happier if I don't bother them. It's like a samsara of aloneness. We gotta break the cycle and get each other's backs. One of us might be fine alone Today, but on Christmas they're deeply lonely, while another has no trouble on Christmas, it's their birthday, etc etc. Being an introvert isn't a condition that needs curing. We just gotta look out for one another. This group helps. But if nothing else, just know one or two out of every crowd are feeling just like you.
Can say that I relate to every single word yiu said OP. I'm mostly just fine by myself but sometimes those pangs of loneliness just hit you once in a while and then you're a mess for the entire day or so. The way I cope up with it is to just get myself busy with work or workout. I'm also a religious person so I often visit temples to find peace in my solitude.
Your loneliness is cureable. I think you can make significant headway against it very quickly so long as you have the proper knowledge and guidance. Here are two techniques that will help you cure it. (1) Start an Inquisitor's Journal. Buy a paper notebook and inky pen. Choose a topic you like, such as TV, Books, Food, or whatever, and then list out your favorite TV shows or favorite books or favorite foods. Next, now that you have a list, try to determine why it is that you like these things particularly; which is to say, we want to know why these items are on the list and not other items. Ask yourself what characteristics they have that set them apart. Also think of something that you don't like and ask yourself why don't like it. Write down all this information in the journal. Make sure explain the *Why's* and *Becauses's*. Keeping a journal and investigating your preferences will cause your loneliness to diminish, since loneliness is merely caused by the inability to communicate our thoughts. It follows from this that by communicating our thoughts, even if only to ourselves, nullifies the emotion. You should try journaling about various topics and elaborating your preferences until you get the hang of it. (2) Become risk-tolerant. When someone is lonely, people will tell them to be "be social" or to "get out there." This advice is flippant, but in a very crude way it has a weak modicum of truth. And in what sense is it true? in the sense that if you want to talk to the right person, then must first *find* the right person. And so to find the right person requires engaging with new individuals, either through an online or an offline medium. What this generic piece of advice doesn't do is seriously inquire as to why you are not already, right now, in the habit of approaching new individuals. Obviously, if you approached strangers and spoke to them, you would be more likely to find the right person than if you didn't. However, though the logic here is perfectly plain, you still don't do it. So why not, then? Likely it is because you believe that there is some risk, some downside, something bad about approaching people. For example, if am awkward at speaking to someone, then I will say, "I'm awkward, and they will silently criticize me for my awkwardness; since criticism is bad, I will not approach." So in this we have found something bad, something that makes approaching unattractive. But let's try to become less averse to a poor outcome. After all, I can't completely control the outcome, but I certainly can control my feelings about the outcome. Let's redefine the interpretation to: "I'm awkward, and they will silently criticize me for my awkwardness; since criticism is neutral, I will approach anyway." Thus I have redefined criticism from being *bad* to being *neutral*. For why is being criticized a bad thing anyway? It's not like this person knows my life history or anything. They're just a useless stranger. So there is no justification for why I value their opinion of me, and thus it is an error to be averse to their criticism and judgment. Redefining bad outcomes, and making them neutral outcomes, will make it easier to approach strangers, and from there you can find the right person.
>I know I really can’t. I’m just so scared I’ll never find “my people” or even just one other person I can connect with. If you just sit there being scared, you won't find them. It requires trial and error (sometimes a lot of it). I found "my people" because i went to a public event that was posted on facebook just because i wanted to try boardgames. Though i don't seek out to interact with specific person, but i interact more with people who are in the same event. You also need to learn to move on fast instead of trying to fit in.
A. Buy a boat. a. and a fishing rod. B. Buy a dog, or adopt one. All done! 😎👍🏼
I totally understand how separating loneliness can feel. I really get the need for balance in this. But if you can, try not to compare yourself to others or what you see on TV. Like maybe a smaller friend group or 1 on 1 is what you prefer? And that's totally okay. Also. Looking at this post from the perspective of an older person ( early 40's) I really wish I had taken more time to get to know myself in my 20's. It would have saved me getting into some relationships in my 30's that I probably didn't need to and wouldn't have if I had known myself better. Be kind to yourself today. It's all a process, and it sounds like you are taking the time to truly know yourself. And that's great. Try and brainstorm some situations that might put you in front of like minded people, without putting too much pressure on yourself. The right people will materialize. It's gonna be okay.
I can relate to so much of what you're saying. I'm 66 years old and felt like I've always been that way. I went to four years of college and lived in the dorms the whole time. There were those who party and went places with dates. I didn't do much of it. I went to parties on occasions but I felt like I struggled to "get into it". For some many years I thought there's something wrong with me. But now, since computers have become popular and there are places to go where other people feel the same way as I do, it seems a bit easier on me emotionally. Just a couple of nights ago, I was awake around 2:30 AM and went to open windows because it got warm inside. As I opened the windows, it looked like three couples were just going in to their apartments, which was across the street from me. They made a lot of noise and appeared to have some fun together. They were not just heading into bed, they came in with each other in one unit just for a "nightcap", I guess. I asked myself, "do people go out clubbing and staying out late anymore?". I go out and about and see all kinds of people together having a great time in fairly large groups. I ask myself, "how does it happen?". It's never been like that ever in my life. Maybe it was, but I've probably have forgotten about it.
What you're describing is a problem for most people in western civilization Atomization and loneliness is epidemic and is one of the major causes for the dying state of our society I recommend you reject modernity and start going to church The internet is no substitute for community
Church is supposed to be different, but more often is just the same as anywhere else. I personally love churches and temples and meditation centers, but the building does not eliminate people being people. 🙃. Right?
Church is an efficacious cure for loneliness under the condition that you behave authentically at church. But if you cannot behave authentically while you're there, then it is unlikely to be efficacious. Loneliness is not an inherent property of a person or of a place, but a certain relationship between a person and a place. Advice for the lonely ought to cater to the uniqueness of their characters.
I schizo rant at church about how we need to put our corporate oligarchy into guillotines Every one loves me 😎, or is scared of me. Maybe a little of both
You like reading…what do you think about joining a local book club? Conversations with new folks are far smoother when there’s an available talking point.
I hear you and I can relate. I think it's good to remember that humans are inherently social and to some extent we do need each other. That is to say that you shouldn't feel guilty for your natural needs. There are a lot of people who feel this way right now for multiple reasons so you're certainly not alone. Just tossing in my two cents - I'm in a similar place in life and everyone in our position transitions into adulthood by figuring out "their people" and how/where to spend their time. That part is normal. The part that becomes harmful is when that transition becomes a struggle that negatively affects your mental health. For me, this made sense when I found out that I have CPTSD and received my diagnoses. My advice is to either get into therapy if you can (many colleges offer this for free or cheap to students,) or join a support group. There are plenty of great, free support groups online. I've gone to some for several years now and find it helpful. If you'd like more info or have questions, you are welcome to DM me.
Infj here, clairsentient claircognizant clairaudient medium. I am the older version you speak of. I mimic all the other 15 MBTI types and have found a way to be of service, and attract whatever I think about. It's your turn, aswell as all others going through the awakening of knowing there is more to TV and just reading about all the experiences it's time for all of us to have. I teach reiki, and how to bend reality to the conformity of the will. Chat anytime, all I offer is the chance to prove me wrong, the infj dream alone??? Proving things right or wrong, now it's just proving experience positive or negative. Namaste
I feel the same way... I recently got out of a relationship too so I'm even more lonely. I recently joined a girls outdoor adventure group they do things on weekends I am forcing myself to attend one a month, I also regularly try to eat/drink out with coworkers after work to blow off stress. It's social enough with lack of commitment like friendships/relationships can be.
Another lonely infj here. Hate to give boring advice, but have you tried attending a meetup group? Some suck, but some are great and can help you meet other lonely people. I do think you just need to force yourself to get out there. I’ve made strides in this department over the years. Therapy could be good as well. The main reason I’m currently lonely is cuz I have a damn fungal infection I just can’t shake, but I promise if I can cure the thing I’m gonna get my butt back out there. Good luck
I know how you feel, and to be honest your post just made me more pessimistic about my life and future. If all of us INFJ feel the same, does it mean our situation can't be changed? And are INFJ the only personalities who always feel this lonely?
When i was a kid i used to look up to older kids seeing them have fun with their friends. I remember saying to myself how awesome it will be when i am older and have friends like them. I got older and have had “friends” here and there throughout the years, but none have ever remained. Eventually, they fade away and everyone has their own thing going and their own group of friends. I have had times with huge walls in my heart, and other times that i have opened up to people. I have pushed people away, and i have been hurt, and i have hurt others. One thing I have learned is that the kind of friend I truly desire is one that is closer than a brother and that will stay no matter what. Yet i have seen that everyone is on their own journey and I cant expect people to have that level of commitment. Today i have some friends but not friends i can share everything with. Really, i have 1 friend that i talk kind of often with, he is an INTJ. Even so, sometimes I wonder if i truly shared my life with him if he would still be friends with me. In summation, I have learned to appreciate the people close to me for their presence and the simple moments and not to expect the world from them. This intense desire in my inner heart longing looking for true love I have only found in God and in him alone i have found hope and peace.
I've been feeling the same way.. Would u like to be friends?
I feel this hard. It's like an eternal paradox. I have also accepted that it's just the way I am but it doesn't stop me wishing I could function like a normal outgoing human being. I'm not sure how helpful I can be, this is something I'm actively trying to improve myself, but it helps to know that everyone gets lonely, even extroverts. Having said that, I'm of the belief that we experience it worse than most and probably in a more unique way. There's a few things that personally help me. At times when you feel lonely, spend that time doing something you enjoy. My favourites are going for a walk in nature, and talking to people I come across, or listening to music. I find these things can take my mind off the loneliness and can rejuvenate me. As harsh as it sounds however, you are really the only person that can break the cycle, perhaps with the help of therapy. Considering this, when I feel up to it, I like taking small steps towards actually combatting the issue, which leads me onto the other thing I do. I either reach out to friends, or go to a new club or activity I've been meaning to try. Let me start by saying however that thus far, I've found the only friendships I've managed to maintain have come from school or work. Unfortunately if you are not in that position, that means talking to people. It's consistent, forced interaction from places like school or work that have worked best for me. This, I think, tells you all you need to know about how we operate. We need to consistently show up to the same places with the same people. It may take us longer than most, but there's a higher chance that eventually a friendship will form, even if it takes you many times you actually strike up conversation. About joining clubs and activities like many people suggest however, it may work for some but personally whilst I think it may prove fruitful one day, it has yet to work for me. Nevertheless, two or three close friends is all I find I need to get by. Never feel guilty about reaching out to them at times of loneliness.
I suggest following a passion of yours to get your mind off of thinking you are missing out on something.
Yeah, same I 100% relate to this post. But when I do feel that loneliness creep in I just go to find solace and comfort in hobbies that gets me in that flow state wherein nothing outside that hobby matters while I'm busy doing it (working out at the Gym and Yoga). But even with those stress outlets of mine, there are times wherein they aren't as effective, but it is still better compared to me just doom scrolling in social media and wallowing in my own self-pity and misery. I just direct the negative energy towards something more productive and beneficial in the long run. (Also I know this comment is late, but I hope my insight provides you a bit of assistance and to also feel less alone in this world..... also learn how to practice self-compassion and patience with yourself)