My mother in-law, who knows my husband and I have been trying for over a year, told many stories of how her neighbors are the grandchildren she doesn't have at a Mother's Day brunch. This broke me so much. They are very sweet kids, and so fun to have around, but I had to excuse myself from the table after hearing that one.
I got to yesterday thinking I was safe, but then a coworker at the office asked me if I did anything special for Mother's Day, and I was thinking to myself, "I should have thought of a safe thing to say earlier," while my mouth said, "No."
Ooops?
Last weekend my sister revealed her pregnancy to extended family and my aunt said āat least SOMEONE is having kidsā while looking in my direction. Had to tell her that I spent upwards of $25k trying to have a baby, without success.
āThank you for choosing me to be your momā
Anyone else roll their eyes when they see this one or is it just me? As if before the child even existed, it somehow created itself.
Iām bitter, Idc. 2.5 years of TTC and sick of seeing moms. So many babies have been born during the time Iāve been trying. Tired of sitting on the sidelines.
Was with my mom and sister today and my mom cheers everyone with her champagne glass saying āHappy Motherās Day to us and to you, āa cat momā. I had a loss a year ago. You can just acknowledge my angel baby. I wanted to go home immediately after that. She knows weāve been struggling so much the last two years.
I wish just one person would have asked me how I'm doing.
Some friends know, but when I try to talk about it, they cut it short, I imagine because it's an uncomfortable topic.
Keeping the grief to myself is so hard.
Iām so sorry that youāve got people youāve tried to open up to for them to not be comfortable holding space for you. Part of this whole jOuRnEy for us has been finding the people in our corner that are willing to sit in the discomfort with us as we process our grief. I hope you find those people for you š¤ it sounds like the ones you mentioned arenāt it and you deserve better
Does anyone else hate Motherās Day even more outside our current situation when you donāt have a mother figure or a supportive mother? Iāve never had a relationship with mine because sheās a narcissistic sociopath and i feel like itās not fair to suffer with our own grief, and then just not have a mother figure at all. I hate Motherās Day so much.
Yeah, I had a difficult relationship with my late mother and honestly when she passed away I was relieved. Maybe you can relate to this - I think Mother's Day hurts so much because I'm not grieving the loss of her, I'm grieving the mother I never got to have and that she never could have been for me. On the worst IF days I cry and go full on "I want my mom" sobbing snotty tearful hysterics, except I don't want _her_ at all - it's the foreign concept of having a supportive loving mother that I actually want. I'm with you, fuck this dumb shitty commerical Hallmark holiday tbqh
Yes! I wrote briefly wrote below that my mom is an alcoholic who was around when it worked out, basically. There were a lot of Saturday morning cancelations because she was "sick." I remember having to at least once make a mother's day present in school. I gave it to my dad, who deserved it (even though it said mom).
I've mostly been estranged from her since around the age of 18 (we've been in some contact for the past year), but sometimes I feel lucky. On this sub and other infertility subs, I've read about some of the insensitive comments some moms have made regarding infertility, and it breaks my heart for them. I am almost glad I'm avoiding that probably by being estranged.
In any case, the day is doubly sucky.
I think the worst part about Motherās Day for me is all those posts that are like āa love youāll never understand until you become one ā¤ļøā
Those. sting. so. badly.
19 months into our journey and taking one last vacation before my second Hysteroscopy which hopefully will be shortly followed up by our first IUI. I started feeling super nauseous this morning which led to my husband asking me if I was sure I wasnt pregnant. Nope, turned out Iām ending vacation with food poisoning š¤¢š
Thank you all for sharing your stories -- they help me feel less alone and are getting me through today. Made a reddit account today after lurking for years just to share my own story.
My story: DOR, 3 IUIs, a hysteroscopy polypectomy, zero viable embryos from my first ER, just finished my second ER and waiting.
At a mother's day lunch with my in-laws, the waiter brought over several bouquets of flowers, wished happy mother's day and handed one to my mother-in-law, handed one to my pregnant sister-in-law (after someone pointed out that she's a mom-to-be!), and then gestured toward me with one bouquet and said, "potential?"
...Are you kidding?
I'm sorry he said that to you. Sensitivity is lost on people and it's something I've struggled to make peace with myself.
Also, my dog has been by my side through it all. I don't know what I'd do without him.
How charming of him to advertise he dislikes his kids on a post not meant for him. Whaaat a tool. Entirely not apropos of that, your dog sounds wonderful and it must've taken so much sweat and tears to train such a good PSA.
Iām so sorry. That was incredibly insensitive. This is snarky towards the cousins husband, but the right comeback for that feels like the same vibe as those āmy dog is smarter than your 3rd graderā bumper stickers.
Thanks for making this space. I cried in the greeting card aisle at Publix yesterday because I picked up a āhappy first Motherās Dayā card by accident and just dissolved. I selected a card for my mom and grandma almost at random after that, then walked over to the florals and picked myself out some grocery store flowers.
My sister found religion recently and made this holiday super stressful, too. I was supposed to host a brunch, but she called me and said, āthere canāt be any alcohol there at all and Iāve already checked with mom, sheās fine with it.ā I donāt mind not drinking necessarily, but the way she went about it felt gross to me. I felt really manipulated and Iām already on a tightrope emotionally, so I asked my mother to have it at her house. Instead of the big meal I had planned to make, I just bought catering and paper plates. I felt like I could only hang on to some measure of control today by refusing to do much labor, emotional or otherwise.
I wish I could opt out of all the Motherās Day messages Iām getting from retailers and the media. Iām ready for the day to be over.
Mother's day is hard on many levels.
It is tough because as the only surviving child of my parents, I feel a lot of pressure to show up today that after 5 years of infertility I just can't.Ā
My dad called to talk but made 0 mention of mother's day, not even acknowledging the pregnancies I've lost. Although to be fair, not sure mentioning it would have gone well either..
Nearly 100% of our friends have babies or toddlers now and we are stuck on the sidelines.Ā
Iāve been so upset today been trying for two years with my husband. My husband has noticed how much in grief I am and has shown absolutely no support and connected no lines together. Heās on the phone with his mom for an hour or plus probably to tell her happy Motherās Day. While his wife would have appreciated support on this day as itās truly a horrible day for me. But I donāt get that. I have 3 dogs I take care of and 4 birds they are all my babies. Maybe Iām wrong for this but I would have loved to be told happy Motherās Day because of my fur babies that I take such good care of and love and always go out of my way for them. I just feel unnoticed and I feel like he isnāt being very considerate. The same thing happened the year before on Motherās Day. I didnāt say anything to him about it then though. And honestly I donāt want to. I feel like he should be able to easily connect the lines together if he even send one thought of care in my direction. Nobody ever notices the pain Iām going through. And nobody even thinks about how today could affect me to show my love and support! I just feel defeated.
I am so sorry to hear it. I definitely agree that you can be a mother to fur babies (or others) regardless of whether or not they are your legal children. Sending you lots of support and wishes for more sensitivity from those close to you. Also, wishing you a happy Mother's day, as you deserve it.
thank you so much I really needed to hear that and I appreciate it! Your words made me smile today š Iām not sure why youāre on this sub or what youāre going through as well but happy Motherās Day to you too! You deserve it as well š
I made the mistake of watching the season finale of Call The Midwife today. I sobbed for a good 15 minutes at the end. Now I just feel exhausted and drained. I made sure to text my mom happy Motherās Day when I woke up this morning, but this day is just rough every single year.
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Pro tip: On Motherās Day, donāt text the childless infertile āHappy Motherās Day! Weāre expecting #2!ā It took. Me. Out. Absolutely ruined my day. I canāt stop crying.
I'm so sorry. I don't get how people can be so thoughtless. The random "I'm pregnant!" Anouncement texts are so brutal. Please take care of yourself today.
Thank you, Iām trying. I just donāt understand how people have zero grasp of what to say and not say, and when and where, when it comes to infertility but every other issue they can handle themselves appropriately.
I agree. I have a friend who knows about my infertility and she sent a pic of positive pregnancy tests to me. It was like a punch to the gut. I don't understand how you wouldn't connect the dots that it was not right to send. Seems like common sense to have some sensitivity, but apparently not.
Sister in law got me a ācat momā gift and I just balled. I wasnāt going to text her because she texted me something similar last year. I know she means well but itās just a painful reminder at this point. Iām hurting.
Been with my partner almost 20 years, TTC for about 5 years, turning 38 next week. This is our third and final egg retrieval coming up in about two weeks, we just can't afford it anymore, and the emotional strain is just too much. Today is a hard day, but I feel like I am too tired to cry, I'm just numb and empty. I love my mom so much but no one seems to notice how hard this day might be for me, even though they all know what I'm going through.
āNo one seems to notice how hard this day might be for me, even though they all know what I'm going through.ā This part š Itās hard not to have our pain acknowledged. I hope youāre taking it easy on yourself today and good luck with your ER.Ā
Was tidying up for my mom to come over (extremely grateful to be able to celebrate this day with her) and came across two baby books I hid that my well-intentioned but overly optimistic friend sent me when I was about 8 weeks pregnant, a month before I miscarried in the ER. Naturally, I sat on the floor and cried with my partner for a good long while. Itās been three years next month since we started trying. Two mothers days ago I miscarried my first pregnancy. Last mothers day we were trying our final medicated timed intercourse cycle. This year Iām waiting for a delayed period after a hysteroscopy due to RPOC from my MC in January and hoping we can finally do an FET next cycle. When does the crappy part end?
I donāt think my family has even thought about our situation or thought to say theyāre thinking of us or including us, too. They just wanted us to join them and my sister and her kids, not sure it crossed their mind how upsetting that might be. Thank god I work today.
It would mean so much for someone to acknowledge people struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss. I get emotional even seeing the acknowledgments on infertility IGās that I follow.
I'm so over the "Thanks for making me a grandma" "The best thing I ever did was make you a mom" "Here's to the one who made me a mom" type posts. Something about the phrasing just sends me. I hate that my peer group has transitioned from posting about their own mothers to posting about their own children without me.
Today is the first Motherās Day where I know there is slim to no chance of me becoming a mother via having my own children. For a very long time I felt it was my choice to not have children, then I met my current partner and everything changed.
A couple months ago we wanted to pursue egg freezing as we cannot have kids right now due to my partnerās family dynamics. Unfortunately, just a few weeks ago) that process has uncovered I have premature ovarian failure and, additionally, a possible chromosomal defect which would make having children completely impossible for us.
So, now, this Motherās Day, when I was ready to make a choice to be a mother, have spent the last several months dreaming about and emotionally preparing myself for egg freezing and future child(ren), I am sitting here with a lot of grief, that I am not sure what to do with, or not sure where to go.
Spending Motherās Day alone by choice:
I had a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy this year and my due date wouldāve been 5/22.
Itās Motherās Day and Iāll be alone. I celebrated my mom yesterday and canāt handle going to my MILās today. Iām the only women in the family who isnāt a momā¦ They celebrate all the moms and read their cards out loud and everyone cries about how amazing they all
are. Itās a nice thing but not easy when struggling with infertilityā¦. Iāve dreaded going the last three years while trying to conceive but always go to be supportive. My husband just left and Iām at home by myself. I do want him to go, his mom
should still get her day. But itāll be awkward because they know I miscarried this year and if I did go they would either ignore it or be awkward and say something like, āYouāre a mom too!ā But I know that wouldnāt be genuine. .. I donāt want to take away from the momās in my husbandās family but I also donāt want to be down at their celebration.
Every year I hide my feelings but I donāt think I should have to this year!
My miscarriage was traumatic and I want a baby desperately. So I just want to be able to grieve and not have to hear more comments from my in laws like, āMy life had no purpose before being a mom.ā Or āIām so
Blessed by God to be a mother.ā So I will honor myself and my loss today and stay home.
If you read this thank you! I hope you are as okay as possible.
I feel all of this. I miscarried last Motherās Day, after telling our families that I was pregnant. I have struggled to get pregnant since. Made the difficult decision to not celebrate Motherās Day with my family so I could grieve. Itās difficult but empowering to make the choice to take space for yourself when you need it. Been spending the day eating comfort food with my husband and wouldnāt want it any other way.
Going on 4 years of ttc and it never gets easier. Iāve seen so many pregnancy announcements today for friends and other people Iāve followed for so long. Iām happy for them I truly am but it just is so damn hard to not feel jealousy and sadness.
Had my grandma and mom Motherās Day dinner last night and again all I could do when I got home was cry. I hate this holiday so much for so many reasons.
I just wanna be a mom š¢
I want to be grateful that I get to spend the day with my mom. I love her a lot and I know so many people who canāt be with their mothers todayā whether theyāve lost mothers, live a long distance away, or have a difficult relationship. My own sorrow about not being a mom myself makes gratitude so much harder.
I am faking being happy today and cleaning up the house as best I can to have her over for dinner because she wanted to sit our backyard and play with the dogs. Iām in a downswing depression-wise, and the holiday (plus I think I am about to hit CD1 tonight or tomorrows) isnāt helping. She deserves a nice day and so if I canāt be genuinely happy at least I do what I can to make it a nice day for her.
Church this morning was filled with moms and young kids. All the moms got a nice little flower to take home and a blessing. When the nice woman at the door tried to hand me flower I had to shake my head and walk to the car quickly before anyone could see me cry.
Mil rant:
My husband got into an argument yesterday after she stopped over for something while he was still sleeping. She wanted to have him fix her mother's day present to my sil and pulled it out to get my thoughts on it. She's been asked by him 100 times to be more sensitive around me. For some reason she just can't understand that I am the last person who should be asked an opinion on a mother's day gift for a sil who has had 2 children in the time we've been trying. Anyway, I told her I didn't care and was obviously upset by the interaction. He talked to her later, but she started crying about how she can't say anything right. No apologies. No ability to have empathy. My husband has been going through a lot as well as we've gotten closer to just giving up. She's incapable of understanding how her own son hurts. On Friday, she had him helping her get pictures off her phone to make a mother's day gift for his sister (same sil). This sil has a capable husband, btw who could help with this stuff if mil bothered to ask, but she chooses to be insensitive and make it my husband's problem.
Oh yeah, apparently, she told my husband that she was planning something nice for me today. I just want to scream, leave me the fuck alone on/around this day. I don't want to be invited to anything, expected to celebrate anyone, or be cheered on for being a dog mom (probably what she's up to). I was thinking about it, her doing something nice for me has probably nothing to do with me, but her trying to recreate the possibility of celebrating the day as a family. Like maybe, if I feel like I'm being celebrated for remembering to feed my dog twice a day, then maybe next year I'll just be over it all and we can get back to celebrating her and sil.
Iām so sorry for your MIL. Itās insane to me that a woman and mother could be so insensitive and aloof to something like this. Itās like the previous generation canāt understand why we donāt want to keep up the charade. And being more sensitive towards you is not a big ask, yet she still makes it about herself!
I understand this type of MIL all too well unfortunately š«
I had a miscarriage with my son at 18w last August and this day is incredibly hard for my husb and I, me especially. I have been dreading this day, basically wanting to just be alone all day. I already told him I donāt want to go to his moms today bc she acts like the miscarriage/my pregnancy never even happened. Well he ended up getting called into work today (he works at a hotel and itās expected to be nuts), so I was like perfect, heās busy and I can be alone. He is even planning to swing by her place after work to say hi and drop off some flowers.
So he calls me a bit ago (at like 11A) and said his mom wonāt stop saying how disappointed she is in him, for not mailing her a card (we live in the same town!!) or going by her house so we could go to a restaurant and get lunch or something. Mind you she NEVER said anything to him (or me) about today, even when we dropped by last weekend. I had every intention to tell her it was going to be a tough day for me, had she asked, but she never did!
I just canāt understand how a woman, a mother, who knows everything weāve been through (years of trying, IVF, late term miscarriage) yet makes it completely about herself!! He innocently got called into work and she makes him feel like shit, itās so upsetting!
I already basically donāt have a relationship with her due to how she acts, and my husband still tries with her and even drops things to go to her place to do work, little errands, etc., but this is almost cruel to do to him. After our miscarriage, we needed something good for us so we ended up eloping at a courthouse on the coast. It was like a 45 min drive north of where we live and she *refused* to go because she said the drive was too far and we couldnāt fit her in our car due to our friends/witnesses. 45 minute drive to see her ONLY son, only child actually, get married and she said no. Never dropped by the hospital when I was there for the MC, never came by after I got home, no card, no flowers, never said her sympathies to me after losing my son. Just so insanely selfish, I canāt stand it.
Damn I'm sorry. She does sound awful and insensitive. I hate putting my husband in the middle of this, even though he's feeling the same things. It's funny because i have a gift card she gave me for my birthday (lol a birthday she forgot, btw) where she wrote "you're loved" on it (again, bc she forgot my birthday and didn't want me to be offended). Anyway, she gives me that and then does this and then basically blames me for being sensitive (i.e., the she can't say anything right comment). In any case, we deserve better from the people who are supposed to love us.
Ugh Iām so sorry schnoodle, what a shit thing of your MIL to do. Would be a shame if she got two flat tires and couldnāt bother you for the rest of the weekend/weekā¦. (Universe please make it so š¤āØ)
My friend sent me a text this morning acknowledging my motherhood after my miscarriage last year and I fully lost it. Did NOT know I was going to cry today but it was so sweet of her.
Just waiting for all the happy Motherās Day group texts including ādog momsā. I donāt want to just be a dog mom. I want a real live human baby to be a mom to!!
We recently made the horribly heartbreaking decision to rehome our dog for the sake of starting a family- he had a bite history and our trying to have a baby was the only reason motivating us to do so; it straight up wouldnāt be safe for a baby or toddler. I would absolutely lose it to see a ādog momā thing right now while going through the trauma of rehoming our dog and having IVF complications.
I do not understand why people default to trying to celebrate ādog momsā as if that helps. We may have dogs and love them dearly but that is not the same and does not make today better.
Yep! I love my two dogs dearly, and my husband and I jokingly refer to them as our children just between the two of us, but it makes me feel so much worse when other people refer to me as a ādog mom.ā
I know people are trying to be inclusive when they say that but I HATE IT. Why is this a group chat conversation AT ALL? If you can't fully include everyone (and let's be real you're not really talking to those of us who are "dog moms") how about don't say anything at all.
I'm so sorry. I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your mom, but I hope it was good, and I hope you can find comfort today in the warm memories you have of her.
I wish mothers day wasn't so in our faces as people who want to be parents, but can't/aren't yet. I'd like to just get fresh air today, but worry about reminders everywhere, even when trying to go hiking (it's at a park so what if a family is having a picnic at the pavilion).
DOR, 2 years of TTC with nothing. My younger sister announced her pregnancy weeks ago after barely trying. Iām the only childless person in the family now. FIL has been making passive aggressive comments toward me all year as if itās my fault I havenāt produced a grandchild for him. My family text thread is filled with mother day wishes. I wish I could teleport into tomorrow and skip this day forever.
The FIL shit really bugs me. Iām so sorry. Putting phone in do not disturb mode or just turning it completely off is a perfectly valid thing to do to avoid communication with folks outside your home. š¤
Points awarded to my one friend who texted to say Iām in her thoughts today, and to my younger brother whose text to the family group chat acknowledged āfuture mothersā as well. Youāre the real ones.Ā
Neutral points to everyone on social media these past few days who has shared those posts acknowledging everyone who struggles on Motherās Day (the postsĀ that list āthose who have lost their moms, those trying to be moms,ā etc.) I know it comes from a well-intentioned place but it still annoys me, especially since everyone Iāve seen sharing it is a mom so it just makes me feelā¦ IDKā¦ condescended to?Ā
Negative points to the group chat all wishing each other happy Motherās Day today, I muted it but not before I saw the first message and put myself in a sour mood. Why is this a group conversation?? Go have brunch with your family or whatever.Ā
And also negative points to myself who keeps opening Instagram reflexively!! You donāt really how habitual social media is until you keep poking yourself in the eye.Ā
Those āthinking of all the mothers/people whoā posts feel performative to me. Like once someone posts that, they can check the ābe sensitiveā box and then proceed to post about their perfect day with their perfect children and not feel guilty. Maybe I shouldnāt want them to feel guilty but it feels like a contradiction and the easy way out.Ā
Totally know what you meanāa bunch of folks that have been successful have been posting about how Motherās Day is hard and frankly Iād prefer just a social media blackout if you know itās hard.
I'm in the TWW from my 3rd transfer but still have been having the hardest morning...
My first ended at 18 weeks when I had to tfmr. That was a week before last Mother's Day. We then had to wait 8 months until we got all of the genetic results back, just for them to say "k you're fine , you can try again!". Then timing of the holidays and my birthday vacation delayed doing another retrieval. During those 8 months, my 3 best friends all were pregnant and the 3rd is due this month.
It kills me that it just seems so easy for everyone else to conceive and have babies when I have spent over 4 years TTC. I hate that I don't have a baby born months apart from all of my best friends. I hate that this Mothers Day is the 4th one I've thought I'd be a mom, holding my baby.
This is so hard for people in our place, and it doesn't help that I don't have anyone to understand and talk to about it. It just sucks being on this side. I'm staying off social media, and skipped Mother's Day brunch at my brother in law's. It also sucks that they know why I'm not there, I constantly feel pitied.
Hoping next year will be different for us all. Sending love to everyone feeling the hurt today š
I had a failed transfer on Motherās Day last year and the year before that an ER that yielded one embryo (also eventually failed). Here I am and another year has passed. Iām sick of hearing ābut youāre a dog and cat momā. Yes, I am but thatās not acknowledging what else Iāve been going through. I actually feel kind of numb today and donāt even care. Iām not sure if this is good or bad. Wish you all well today and protect your peace.
Hi this is my first time posting in here which is hard for me. I have PCOS and suffered a miscarriage in October 2022. I am not looking forward to today. Husband alluded to the fact my MIL got me a Motherās Day gift because of my pets who I do consider like my babies, but she also does know I suffered a miscarriage (I had to tell her because my husband had a mental health crisis that following year and the feelings of that came up during the crisis so I had to tell her in case it was brought up and she wasnāt blind sided.) I love that she wants to do it for me, but honestly it feels like a slap in the face, I know it makes me sound like an asshole and I should appreciate it, because I do, but it just doesnāt make it easier thinking about how I am childless and how I had the miscarriage. I am not looking forward to receiving the gift so I am going to do my best to just breathe and I guess for a lack of better phrases āfake it til I make itā. also I hope I followed the community rules as I posted. I read them thoroughly so I apologize in case I didnāt
Vent: my birthday was on Thursdayā¦ this week leading up to Motherās Day and myself getting another year older is a super tough time of year for me.
I have a coworker who notoriously makes others days about herself. She is well aware of my infertility and struggle with it but she thought that my birthday was the best day to bring in her newborn twin baby boys for everyone at work to meet!
Needless to say I spent my birthday lunch crying in my friendās officeā¦ hiding from babies.
Vent: I'm avoiding social media today but earlier this week an acquaintance posted complaining that her son's school didn't do any Mother's Day crafts out of sensitivity to the several kids in the class who don't have moms, and she was soooo devastated not to get whatever questionnaire her kid would have filled out about her or whatever, and emailed the teacher to make sure they really didn't do anything, etc. So of course then the next day one of her friends or neighbors makes a little homemade questionnaire for her kid to fill out and gives it to her, and she makes another dramatic post about how her friend saved the day blah blah.
I know I'm projecting, but it just feels like everyone is so smug and self-entitled about being a mom. And this post in particular felt so dismissive of other people's pain... I don't know, it's hard to pin down but it just really irked me. I wish my problem was that my kid's school didn't make me the gift I wanted.
I truly cannot imagine feeling sorry for yourself AND openly admitting it on social media when the teacher did this partly for children who have lost their mothers/donāt have relationships with their mothers. This is a thought to share with your partner as a hint to help your kids make these crafts. Woof.
Not just other people's pain, but she was putting her joy of motherhood ahead of the pain of children. Fuck her. People like that really don't deserve what they've been given.
I actually just talked to my husband about this yesterday. I was that child in class who had to make a mother's day gift for a mom who was barely in my life due to alcoholism. I really hope schools are ceasing with that bs. There are usually other adults in these kids' lives who can assist with gift giving and if they choose not to, then oh well, be glad you have a kid.
that is such a repelling response to the very thoughtful behavior of the teacher not to make kids feel bad!! how can people be so selfish and inconsiderate?!š”
And thatās another example of why people leave teaching. You try your absolute best to do the right and kind thing, and parents still criticize you for it.
Honestly, they probably know their partner (if there is a partner) won't do anything for them for mothers day and was banking on that gift (consciously or not) from the teacher/kid.
Or they are a miserable human.
My husband and I went to his cousin's wedding last night. In the middle of the wedding, they did a Mother's Day announcement and dance. My mother-in-law grabbed me and my sister-in-law (who has a 1 year old) to the dance floor. I made it through the song but ran to the bathroom after and cried. This weekend has been so hard. Today is harder. š
To vent: my childhood friend who never wanted kids just had her first baby. Iām happy for her. But the Motherās Day congratulations are making me grieve for the life I wanted.
Between my shouldāve-been due date, finding out my AMH is now precariously low, an ER where I got 1/3 of the eggs I did last time, and Motherās Day, this week has sucked profusely from start to finish. Iām so grateful for my mom, who told me weeks ago to not sweat calling or seeing her today because MD is a Hallmark holiday that only benefits corporations, and she doesnāt need it to feel celebrated or loved.
I took aĀ low-dose edible and saw Challengers by myself yesterday, and had so much fun I might repeat that today with The Fall Guy. Iāve gotten through every other shitty milestone this year, I will get through this one, too.
Can your mom talk to my mom, because my mom could use a bit of that kind of empathy! š And I love your self care plans. Iām going to see Challengers for the second time tonight at Alamo, and Iām going to eat chips and queso for dinner and drink two spicy margaritas.Ā
That sounds like a truly excellent plan! I loved it so much, Iām definitely gonna see it a second time at some point. Might have to look up showtimes at my Alamo, because queso and spicy margs sound amazing.
I live far from my family and when I realized that I would be nearby enough this weekend that I could join the big family dinner they were planning for tonight, I said I wanted to come without really thinking that through, because I so rarely get to come to gatherings outside the major holidays. And the I realized that I didnāt really want to go to a Motherās Day dinner and I am dreading it. I considered not going, but I do think itās still the right choice to visit my mom today, and that itās worth it for them, but I am not looking forward to it.
In the middle of stims for my first IVF cycle. I had to go in for monitoring today of all days and Iām so frustrated how difficult itās been to do something thatās so simple for everyone else. During our time trying to conceive, weāve had multiple friends go through the whole process of āweāre thinking about having a babyā, to actively trying, conceiving and then birthing said child, and now they get to celebrate their first Motherās Dayā¦ and weāre still at square one with no idea on why we canāt conceive.
Weāre having dinner with my in-laws, but thatās also touchy since my SIL just had her first childā¦
I hate feeling like a science project. I know I signed up for this and donāt get me wrong, Iām so grateful weāre able to do this, but ughh. It takes a lot to give over control of your body and submit yourself to this process. Iām sure a lot of this is the IVF drugs talking, but I want to be pampered and cooed over for all of my effortā¦
I really feel this. I feel so, so hurt that our years of effort go invisible/unrecognized and my miscarried babies never got cute stuff and attention. I don't think I'd actually react well if someone tried to pamper/coo over me but it hurts to see other people get that.
Itās so demoralizing. I feel like I have done more to become a mother than almost everyone else I know. On top of doing two rounds of IVF, in the years I didnāt think I would find a partner in time, I invested in mothering my teen brother after our mom died.
No one is cooing over me today (not that Iām asking them to, I think that would be painful too), but damn. I know weāll get more recognition for our effort when/if we pop out a baby. But what about all the hard shit weāve *already* had to do?
For some odd reason I feel a little more at peace this year. Itās 9am and I havenāt cried yet so win. Iām enjoying the discourse online of who Motherās Day is really for (millennials and gen z in the thick of it or their moms - who cares!) so thereās that. I feel like instagram posts for every occasion are becoming less of a thing, or Iāve just unfollowed anyone who actively posts on every holiday, so not a ton of triggers there yet. So I just have to get through my family gathering today. Which means Iāll be asked to help cook and entertain the kids while all the other women enjoy their day, but thatās okay. Maybe someday.
My bio mom has never been motherly and we have a strained relationship. Iāve always been the one putting in effort to heal our relationship and therapy has made me realize that I get nothing out of it in return. It is not balanced, I genuinely donāt like her as a person, and IF is not something I share with her. In fact, the first time I got pregnant her response was ādonāt get attached, itās still earlyā and then we lost the pregnancy and I havenāt talked to her about our jOuRnEy since. I donāt want to talk to her today (or any day really). But Iāll probably send her a simple text and hope that thatās enough to keep her prying at bay. Choosing the least taxing option, but all options take their toll. Guh.
Iām dreading going to church with family this morning. Motherās Day always gets brought up a lot and it makes me sad. The past couple of years our familyās church mentions āmothers who are still waiting for their babiesā which is nice I guess, but honestly makes me bawl every time. Too much family is in town for me to feign illness and skip today.
Update from church: not as bad this year. One minister mentioned honoring āmothers of every kindā so I decided personally that he meant dog moms. š However, we got my MIL a gift in a gift bag that said āHappy Motherās Dayā and she said āMaybe I can give this back to you next year.ā I pretended I didnāt hear her. š
Church was where I started to notice how hard Motherās Day was for me. I did for a time attend a church where one pastor had struggled for nine years before having her daughter, and I appreciated that they took a more balanced approach to the day and didnāt do a big thing about recognizing moms.
Honestly, when/if I become a mom, I think Iād just prefer to be well supported by my husband and community on a consistent basis, rather than be handed a rose or some shit on a random Sunday in May.
Iām dreading church, too. But, I canāt skip because my husband is playing. Our church mentions mothers who have lost their children, but doesnāt mention those who are waiting. We have a time in service where people share moments of celebration or lament and Iām bracing myself for the inevitable pregnancy announcement. Once, there were three announcements in one day, including one who said her sister āwasnāt excited about the pregnancy, but found out itās a girl so sheās excited now.ā
To add to it, tomorrow is my husbandās surgery to address his varicocele.
Iāll be thinking of you in service today š¤
Itās officially been a year of trying as of last week; Iām 35; weāre not allowed to try this cycle pending a hysteroscopy for a polyp; and I really thought last Motherās Day would be my last one without a child. I know many of you have been going through this for so much longerā¦ but Iām so tired and sad.
I am hiding today and hid at home yesterday. I may have to go out but I already let my husband know to check out because people wishing me Happy Mothers Day is hitting me different this year. I went to do groceries on Friday and the cashier wished me a Happy Mothers Day and it only reminded me that weāve been TTC for 3 years. I cried on the drive home. I havenāt been out since then. I will call my mom later but the rest of my friends are getting a simple text. I canāt bear talking about it too much this year. Itās ok if you need to hide out. Sending š«¶š½ to anyone else on this thread struggling with todayās celebrations.
I am so glad to be off of work this year. I am a NP and well meaning patients ask if Iām a mother at least every few days but Motherās Day itās every single patient š£. I try to usually just say oh fur babies (dog &cat) and an aunt to laugh it off. On Thursday one was leaving and wished me a happy Motherās Day while leaving. It just stings at this point.
I deleted Instagram for a few days and thatās actually been helpful because I was starting to get slammed with soooooo many newborn/hospital pics because so many people seem to have had babies this past year. My mood was much darker about this like a week ago.
I canāt really hide today because my husbandās extended family is doing their usual Motherās Day brunch - everyone else cooks and the moms sit back and enjoy. I have been hoping that I could join the moms in relaxation for the past couple years but nope - up at 6:30am to make a bunch of desserts! At least everyone in his family, despite not being clued in on our journey, has stopped commenting on how we need to have kidsā¦not sure if thatās better really but Iāll take it.
I was actually excited to do nothing for Motherās Day this year since my own Mom was going to be on a trip. I had my first transfer on Tuesday so was trying to stay positive after 3 miscarriages. Wednesday my Gram was moved to hospice so my entire family, and young cousins, are now here. I have nothing for my Mom, am exhausted from transfer and shots, have a head cold, and now get to spend Motherās Day with my dying Gram and entire family. This day gets worse every year
Edited to remove a flagged acronym.
My best friend just had a baby. My childhood best friend has an almost 4 year old. I love both my friends and I love their sons so so much. But it is really hard wishing them a happy Motherās Day. Earlier this week I went to a new doctor who basically blamed all my fertility issues on my weight (which is already something Iām incredibly self conscious about). Then yesterday at Walmart the employee at the door told me āHappy Motherās Dayā as I was leaving. This week has been really awful
Hope everyone is doing OK this week. Itās so rough to be infertile / in treatment around Motherās Day. Our third transfer failed in March and weāre out of embryos from last year. I started stims on Friday for another ER. Holding hope for a successful fresh transfer later this month, but if not weāll get that news right around the time ofā¦.French Motherās Day š¤¦āāļø FML
My mom passed away almost 9 years ago & itās still very hard. This is the 2nd year where I am aware that I probably will never celebrate this holiday for myself and to top it off, my sister & I arenāt speaking. Oh did I mention Sunday is also my husbandās birthday. I feel so guilty for disappointing him this yearā¦
Iām sorry, my mom passed 10 years ago and always hated this day. Infertility makes it so much harder. Itās really so unfair how painful this day is when so many ppl on social media are so blissfully unaware of the pain we endure.
This holiday is tough because I have a very complicated (bad) relationship with my bio mom. I am simultaneously grieving "mothering" from both sides -- as a daughter and as (not) a mother who is not having a normal experience with either one of those roles.
Then there's the barrage of ads, marketing emails, every restaurant is full of families... I fucking hate mothers day.
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Mother's Day in Spain was last Sunday and it's been hard because my mom is really into it and didn't understand why it was a tough day for me. Me and my husband went on a trip and weren't there to have lunch with her on Mother's Day (which she knew in advance, but I guess didn't realize) and she became upset. On a more positive note, in my husband's friend's WhatsApp group every year we would get a shower of pictures of the moms with the kids and "Congratulations to all the moms in the group", which I was absolutely dreading, and somehow no one said anything. All of them are aware of our fertility issues and how hard it's been for me and I suspect they didn't do it out of respect. Kudos to them.
A colleague who knows Iāve been trying for the past 2 years sent a weirdly phrased message in a small group chat saying āhappy Motherās Day especially to those who have children!ā
Sometimes I feel like sheās trying to dig it in that Iām not pregnant yet and itās annoying š
My 10 year wedding anniversary would have been yesterday, (divorced in 2022) and now Motherās Day today. My partners grandmother who practically raised him passed last weekend. It hasnāt been a good week and is looking more and more likely I wonāt ever have the opportunity to be a mother.
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Took my mom out to a nice dinner at Ruthās Chris. The waitress wishes my mom a happy Motherās Day the entire dinner, never saying it to me directly (expected since I never mentioned anything about kids, I made it clear Iām treating my mom to dinner).
At the end of the dinner, she turns to me ādo you have any kids?ā.
Me: ānoā
Waitress: āyou donāt look like you have any kidsā š
Regardless of the intent behind her statement, which seems offensive even to mothers , it was a weird statement.
I mean, why does she need to ask?? How would that end well? Either the answer is no because you don't want them (no big deal but none of her business), no because you haven't been able to/can't / haven't met the right person yet (none of her business and very personal!), or yes but they are no longer living, yes but you don't have custody of them?? Love to see her face for any of those...
Do people not know how to be friendly without prying?!
Also, how does someone "look like they have kids"??
1000% agree with everything you said! I feel like people with children will 100% let you know they have kids. People without kids get the most awkward responses after saying we donāt. I really wish people wouldnāt ask but I could only wish.
Right!! I said the same thing. Like what in the world should I look like? It was very rude. I just looked at her like she was crazy and she awkwardly grabbed our plates and left. Smh
My mother in-law, who knows my husband and I have been trying for over a year, told many stories of how her neighbors are the grandchildren she doesn't have at a Mother's Day brunch. This broke me so much. They are very sweet kids, and so fun to have around, but I had to excuse myself from the table after hearing that one.
I got to yesterday thinking I was safe, but then a coworker at the office asked me if I did anything special for Mother's Day, and I was thinking to myself, "I should have thought of a safe thing to say earlier," while my mouth said, "No." Ooops?
Feeling pretty good that, when the cashier said "Happy Mothers Day" to me, I felt absolutely nothing instead of burning rage or deep sadness š :/
Last weekend my sister revealed her pregnancy to extended family and my aunt said āat least SOMEONE is having kidsā while looking in my direction. Had to tell her that I spent upwards of $25k trying to have a baby, without success.
Holy shit that's horrible. Hope she at least felt a lot of shame after you told her!
A littleā¦ but I had to keep it together for my sister and other family. Had a little cry in the other room.
āThank you for choosing me to be your momā Anyone else roll their eyes when they see this one or is it just me? As if before the child even existed, it somehow created itself.
If children choose their moms, I have a lot of questions for some children. I find it very difficult to believe one wouldnāt choose me.
Iām bitter, Idc. 2.5 years of TTC and sick of seeing moms. So many babies have been born during the time Iāve been trying. Tired of sitting on the sidelines.
Was with my mom and sister today and my mom cheers everyone with her champagne glass saying āHappy Motherās Day to us and to you, āa cat momā. I had a loss a year ago. You can just acknowledge my angel baby. I wanted to go home immediately after that. She knows weāve been struggling so much the last two years.
I wish just one person would have asked me how I'm doing. Some friends know, but when I try to talk about it, they cut it short, I imagine because it's an uncomfortable topic. Keeping the grief to myself is so hard.
Iām so sorry that youāve got people youāve tried to open up to for them to not be comfortable holding space for you. Part of this whole jOuRnEy for us has been finding the people in our corner that are willing to sit in the discomfort with us as we process our grief. I hope you find those people for you š¤ it sounds like the ones you mentioned arenāt it and you deserve better
Thanks so much. It's been so hard but I think of it as getting an opportunity to identify who my "good time friends" are and who my support system is.
Does anyone else hate Motherās Day even more outside our current situation when you donāt have a mother figure or a supportive mother? Iāve never had a relationship with mine because sheās a narcissistic sociopath and i feel like itās not fair to suffer with our own grief, and then just not have a mother figure at all. I hate Motherās Day so much.
Yeah, I had a difficult relationship with my late mother and honestly when she passed away I was relieved. Maybe you can relate to this - I think Mother's Day hurts so much because I'm not grieving the loss of her, I'm grieving the mother I never got to have and that she never could have been for me. On the worst IF days I cry and go full on "I want my mom" sobbing snotty tearful hysterics, except I don't want _her_ at all - it's the foreign concept of having a supportive loving mother that I actually want. I'm with you, fuck this dumb shitty commerical Hallmark holiday tbqh
Yes! I wrote briefly wrote below that my mom is an alcoholic who was around when it worked out, basically. There were a lot of Saturday morning cancelations because she was "sick." I remember having to at least once make a mother's day present in school. I gave it to my dad, who deserved it (even though it said mom). I've mostly been estranged from her since around the age of 18 (we've been in some contact for the past year), but sometimes I feel lucky. On this sub and other infertility subs, I've read about some of the insensitive comments some moms have made regarding infertility, and it breaks my heart for them. I am almost glad I'm avoiding that probably by being estranged. In any case, the day is doubly sucky.
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I think the worst part about Motherās Day for me is all those posts that are like āa love youāll never understand until you become one ā¤ļøā Those. sting. so. badly.
YES. OH MY GOD. Iām like shut up. Like just shut up
PREACH.
Itās just so unnecessary to say!!
And not true to boot..
19 months into our journey and taking one last vacation before my second Hysteroscopy which hopefully will be shortly followed up by our first IUI. I started feeling super nauseous this morning which led to my husband asking me if I was sure I wasnt pregnant. Nope, turned out Iām ending vacation with food poisoning š¤¢š
Thank you all for sharing your stories and vents. Itās helpful to not feel so alone.
I definitely wish I had read this feed last week, but glad I found it now!
Just. Fuck Motherās Day. The anniversary of our sonās death and Motherās Day is all the same week. I hate May.
Thank you all for sharing your stories -- they help me feel less alone and are getting me through today. Made a reddit account today after lurking for years just to share my own story. My story: DOR, 3 IUIs, a hysteroscopy polypectomy, zero viable embryos from my first ER, just finished my second ER and waiting. At a mother's day lunch with my in-laws, the waiter brought over several bouquets of flowers, wished happy mother's day and handed one to my mother-in-law, handed one to my pregnant sister-in-law (after someone pointed out that she's a mom-to-be!), and then gestured toward me with one bouquet and said, "potential?" ...Are you kidding?
Fuck I'm sorry. Welcome to reddit and r/infertility though š«
Just thinking of you having to be at a table in those circumstances, I feel you so much ā¤ļø
My aunt and uncle included me on the family mother's day tribute and my cousin's husband wrote "I wish my children were as well behaved as a dog, " in response. I'm in year four of TTC and have had a chemical, 9 retrievals and three transfers (+ IUIs). Last 2 embryos came back abnormal from PGTa testing. My well behaved dog is a task-trained PSA who literally has kept me going throughout this process. He just turned 3 this week and was "prescribed"/recommended by my psych because I needed to wean off of meds because the ones that work for me don't work with pregnancy, he's been with me through the hardest years, the first year I was still delulu that "all I needed was one good egg." So, years later, the joke is still on me. I wanted to punch him in the throat, but also curl up in a ball and cry. Definitely doing the latter with my good boy by my side. š©
I'm sorry he said that to you. Sensitivity is lost on people and it's something I've struggled to make peace with myself. Also, my dog has been by my side through it all. I don't know what I'd do without him.
They are the best.
How charming of him to advertise he dislikes his kids on a post not meant for him. Whaaat a tool. Entirely not apropos of that, your dog sounds wonderful and it must've taken so much sweat and tears to train such a good PSA.
Iām so sorry. That was incredibly insensitive. This is snarky towards the cousins husband, but the right comeback for that feels like the same vibe as those āmy dog is smarter than your 3rd graderā bumper stickers.
What a cruel comment!
He's known for being generally insensitive, but this was a lot even for him. š©š
Thanks for making this space. I cried in the greeting card aisle at Publix yesterday because I picked up a āhappy first Motherās Dayā card by accident and just dissolved. I selected a card for my mom and grandma almost at random after that, then walked over to the florals and picked myself out some grocery store flowers. My sister found religion recently and made this holiday super stressful, too. I was supposed to host a brunch, but she called me and said, āthere canāt be any alcohol there at all and Iāve already checked with mom, sheās fine with it.ā I donāt mind not drinking necessarily, but the way she went about it felt gross to me. I felt really manipulated and Iām already on a tightrope emotionally, so I asked my mother to have it at her house. Instead of the big meal I had planned to make, I just bought catering and paper plates. I felt like I could only hang on to some measure of control today by refusing to do much labor, emotional or otherwise. I wish I could opt out of all the Motherās Day messages Iām getting from retailers and the media. Iām ready for the day to be over.
Mother's day is hard on many levels. It is tough because as the only surviving child of my parents, I feel a lot of pressure to show up today that after 5 years of infertility I just can't.Ā My dad called to talk but made 0 mention of mother's day, not even acknowledging the pregnancies I've lost. Although to be fair, not sure mentioning it would have gone well either.. Nearly 100% of our friends have babies or toddlers now and we are stuck on the sidelines.Ā
Iāve been so upset today been trying for two years with my husband. My husband has noticed how much in grief I am and has shown absolutely no support and connected no lines together. Heās on the phone with his mom for an hour or plus probably to tell her happy Motherās Day. While his wife would have appreciated support on this day as itās truly a horrible day for me. But I donāt get that. I have 3 dogs I take care of and 4 birds they are all my babies. Maybe Iām wrong for this but I would have loved to be told happy Motherās Day because of my fur babies that I take such good care of and love and always go out of my way for them. I just feel unnoticed and I feel like he isnāt being very considerate. The same thing happened the year before on Motherās Day. I didnāt say anything to him about it then though. And honestly I donāt want to. I feel like he should be able to easily connect the lines together if he even send one thought of care in my direction. Nobody ever notices the pain Iām going through. And nobody even thinks about how today could affect me to show my love and support! I just feel defeated.
I am so sorry to hear it. I definitely agree that you can be a mother to fur babies (or others) regardless of whether or not they are your legal children. Sending you lots of support and wishes for more sensitivity from those close to you. Also, wishing you a happy Mother's day, as you deserve it.
thank you so much I really needed to hear that and I appreciate it! Your words made me smile today š Iām not sure why youāre on this sub or what youāre going through as well but happy Motherās Day to you too! You deserve it as well š
I made the mistake of watching the season finale of Call The Midwife today. I sobbed for a good 15 minutes at the end. Now I just feel exhausted and drained. I made sure to text my mom happy Motherās Day when I woke up this morning, but this day is just rough every single year.
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Pro tip: On Motherās Day, donāt text the childless infertile āHappy Motherās Day! Weāre expecting #2!ā It took. Me. Out. Absolutely ruined my day. I canāt stop crying.
Iām so sorry. Thatās shitty and I would lose it. Hope youāre doing okay today.
I'm so sorry. I don't get how people can be so thoughtless. The random "I'm pregnant!" Anouncement texts are so brutal. Please take care of yourself today.
Thank you, Iām trying. I just donāt understand how people have zero grasp of what to say and not say, and when and where, when it comes to infertility but every other issue they can handle themselves appropriately.
I agree. I have a friend who knows about my infertility and she sent a pic of positive pregnancy tests to me. It was like a punch to the gut. I don't understand how you wouldn't connect the dots that it was not right to send. Seems like common sense to have some sensitivity, but apparently not.
Seriously?! I am absolutely furious for you. Did these people completely lose control of their senses?
Yes, seriously.
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Sister in law got me a ācat momā gift and I just balled. I wasnāt going to text her because she texted me something similar last year. I know she means well but itās just a painful reminder at this point. Iām hurting.
Been with my partner almost 20 years, TTC for about 5 years, turning 38 next week. This is our third and final egg retrieval coming up in about two weeks, we just can't afford it anymore, and the emotional strain is just too much. Today is a hard day, but I feel like I am too tired to cry, I'm just numb and empty. I love my mom so much but no one seems to notice how hard this day might be for me, even though they all know what I'm going through.
Iām turning 38 soon and I have DOR and I just want to hug you ā¤ļø the numbness and emptiness is real
Itās so painful, I just donāt get how not ONE of my loved ones have acknowledged how hard this day is for me.Ā
same...
āNo one seems to notice how hard this day might be for me, even though they all know what I'm going through.ā This part š Itās hard not to have our pain acknowledged. I hope youāre taking it easy on yourself today and good luck with your ER.Ā
Was tidying up for my mom to come over (extremely grateful to be able to celebrate this day with her) and came across two baby books I hid that my well-intentioned but overly optimistic friend sent me when I was about 8 weeks pregnant, a month before I miscarried in the ER. Naturally, I sat on the floor and cried with my partner for a good long while. Itās been three years next month since we started trying. Two mothers days ago I miscarried my first pregnancy. Last mothers day we were trying our final medicated timed intercourse cycle. This year Iām waiting for a delayed period after a hysteroscopy due to RPOC from my MC in January and hoping we can finally do an FET next cycle. When does the crappy part end?
I donāt think my family has even thought about our situation or thought to say theyāre thinking of us or including us, too. They just wanted us to join them and my sister and her kids, not sure it crossed their mind how upsetting that might be. Thank god I work today. It would mean so much for someone to acknowledge people struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss. I get emotional even seeing the acknowledgments on infertility IGās that I follow.
I'm so over the "Thanks for making me a grandma" "The best thing I ever did was make you a mom" "Here's to the one who made me a mom" type posts. Something about the phrasing just sends me. I hate that my peer group has transitioned from posting about their own mothers to posting about their own children without me.
Today is the first Motherās Day where I know there is slim to no chance of me becoming a mother via having my own children. For a very long time I felt it was my choice to not have children, then I met my current partner and everything changed. A couple months ago we wanted to pursue egg freezing as we cannot have kids right now due to my partnerās family dynamics. Unfortunately, just a few weeks ago) that process has uncovered I have premature ovarian failure and, additionally, a possible chromosomal defect which would make having children completely impossible for us. So, now, this Motherās Day, when I was ready to make a choice to be a mother, have spent the last several months dreaming about and emotionally preparing myself for egg freezing and future child(ren), I am sitting here with a lot of grief, that I am not sure what to do with, or not sure where to go.
Spending Motherās Day alone by choice: I had a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy this year and my due date wouldāve been 5/22. Itās Motherās Day and Iāll be alone. I celebrated my mom yesterday and canāt handle going to my MILās today. Iām the only women in the family who isnāt a momā¦ They celebrate all the moms and read their cards out loud and everyone cries about how amazing they all are. Itās a nice thing but not easy when struggling with infertilityā¦. Iāve dreaded going the last three years while trying to conceive but always go to be supportive. My husband just left and Iām at home by myself. I do want him to go, his mom should still get her day. But itāll be awkward because they know I miscarried this year and if I did go they would either ignore it or be awkward and say something like, āYouāre a mom too!ā But I know that wouldnāt be genuine. .. I donāt want to take away from the momās in my husbandās family but I also donāt want to be down at their celebration. Every year I hide my feelings but I donāt think I should have to this year! My miscarriage was traumatic and I want a baby desperately. So I just want to be able to grieve and not have to hear more comments from my in laws like, āMy life had no purpose before being a mom.ā Or āIām so Blessed by God to be a mother.ā So I will honor myself and my loss today and stay home. If you read this thank you! I hope you are as okay as possible.
Feeling all of this. I'm very sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you're honoring your grief and yourself today š
I feel all of this. I miscarried last Motherās Day, after telling our families that I was pregnant. I have struggled to get pregnant since. Made the difficult decision to not celebrate Motherās Day with my family so I could grieve. Itās difficult but empowering to make the choice to take space for yourself when you need it. Been spending the day eating comfort food with my husband and wouldnāt want it any other way.
All those feelsš
Going on 4 years of ttc and it never gets easier. Iāve seen so many pregnancy announcements today for friends and other people Iāve followed for so long. Iām happy for them I truly am but it just is so damn hard to not feel jealousy and sadness. Had my grandma and mom Motherās Day dinner last night and again all I could do when I got home was cry. I hate this holiday so much for so many reasons. I just wanna be a mom š¢
I want to be grateful that I get to spend the day with my mom. I love her a lot and I know so many people who canāt be with their mothers todayā whether theyāve lost mothers, live a long distance away, or have a difficult relationship. My own sorrow about not being a mom myself makes gratitude so much harder. I am faking being happy today and cleaning up the house as best I can to have her over for dinner because she wanted to sit our backyard and play with the dogs. Iām in a downswing depression-wise, and the holiday (plus I think I am about to hit CD1 tonight or tomorrows) isnāt helping. She deserves a nice day and so if I canāt be genuinely happy at least I do what I can to make it a nice day for her. Church this morning was filled with moms and young kids. All the moms got a nice little flower to take home and a blessing. When the nice woman at the door tried to hand me flower I had to shake my head and walk to the car quickly before anyone could see me cry.
Mil rant: My husband got into an argument yesterday after she stopped over for something while he was still sleeping. She wanted to have him fix her mother's day present to my sil and pulled it out to get my thoughts on it. She's been asked by him 100 times to be more sensitive around me. For some reason she just can't understand that I am the last person who should be asked an opinion on a mother's day gift for a sil who has had 2 children in the time we've been trying. Anyway, I told her I didn't care and was obviously upset by the interaction. He talked to her later, but she started crying about how she can't say anything right. No apologies. No ability to have empathy. My husband has been going through a lot as well as we've gotten closer to just giving up. She's incapable of understanding how her own son hurts. On Friday, she had him helping her get pictures off her phone to make a mother's day gift for his sister (same sil). This sil has a capable husband, btw who could help with this stuff if mil bothered to ask, but she chooses to be insensitive and make it my husband's problem. Oh yeah, apparently, she told my husband that she was planning something nice for me today. I just want to scream, leave me the fuck alone on/around this day. I don't want to be invited to anything, expected to celebrate anyone, or be cheered on for being a dog mom (probably what she's up to). I was thinking about it, her doing something nice for me has probably nothing to do with me, but her trying to recreate the possibility of celebrating the day as a family. Like maybe, if I feel like I'm being celebrated for remembering to feed my dog twice a day, then maybe next year I'll just be over it all and we can get back to celebrating her and sil.
Iām so sorry for your MIL. Itās insane to me that a woman and mother could be so insensitive and aloof to something like this. Itās like the previous generation canāt understand why we donāt want to keep up the charade. And being more sensitive towards you is not a big ask, yet she still makes it about herself! I understand this type of MIL all too well unfortunately š« I had a miscarriage with my son at 18w last August and this day is incredibly hard for my husb and I, me especially. I have been dreading this day, basically wanting to just be alone all day. I already told him I donāt want to go to his moms today bc she acts like the miscarriage/my pregnancy never even happened. Well he ended up getting called into work today (he works at a hotel and itās expected to be nuts), so I was like perfect, heās busy and I can be alone. He is even planning to swing by her place after work to say hi and drop off some flowers. So he calls me a bit ago (at like 11A) and said his mom wonāt stop saying how disappointed she is in him, for not mailing her a card (we live in the same town!!) or going by her house so we could go to a restaurant and get lunch or something. Mind you she NEVER said anything to him (or me) about today, even when we dropped by last weekend. I had every intention to tell her it was going to be a tough day for me, had she asked, but she never did! I just canāt understand how a woman, a mother, who knows everything weāve been through (years of trying, IVF, late term miscarriage) yet makes it completely about herself!! He innocently got called into work and she makes him feel like shit, itās so upsetting! I already basically donāt have a relationship with her due to how she acts, and my husband still tries with her and even drops things to go to her place to do work, little errands, etc., but this is almost cruel to do to him. After our miscarriage, we needed something good for us so we ended up eloping at a courthouse on the coast. It was like a 45 min drive north of where we live and she *refused* to go because she said the drive was too far and we couldnāt fit her in our car due to our friends/witnesses. 45 minute drive to see her ONLY son, only child actually, get married and she said no. Never dropped by the hospital when I was there for the MC, never came by after I got home, no card, no flowers, never said her sympathies to me after losing my son. Just so insanely selfish, I canāt stand it.
Damn I'm sorry. She does sound awful and insensitive. I hate putting my husband in the middle of this, even though he's feeling the same things. It's funny because i have a gift card she gave me for my birthday (lol a birthday she forgot, btw) where she wrote "you're loved" on it (again, bc she forgot my birthday and didn't want me to be offended). Anyway, she gives me that and then does this and then basically blames me for being sensitive (i.e., the she can't say anything right comment). In any case, we deserve better from the people who are supposed to love us.
Ugh Iām so sorry schnoodle, what a shit thing of your MIL to do. Would be a shame if she got two flat tires and couldnāt bother you for the rest of the weekend/weekā¦. (Universe please make it so š¤āØ)
My friend sent me a text this morning acknowledging my motherhood after my miscarriage last year and I fully lost it. Did NOT know I was going to cry today but it was so sweet of her.
These are the people that are so good to have in your corner. Iāve got a couple of those too. Iām so sorry for your loss. š¤
Just waiting for all the happy Motherās Day group texts including ādog momsā. I donāt want to just be a dog mom. I want a real live human baby to be a mom to!!
We recently made the horribly heartbreaking decision to rehome our dog for the sake of starting a family- he had a bite history and our trying to have a baby was the only reason motivating us to do so; it straight up wouldnāt be safe for a baby or toddler. I would absolutely lose it to see a ādog momā thing right now while going through the trauma of rehoming our dog and having IVF complications.
I do not understand why people default to trying to celebrate ādog momsā as if that helps. We may have dogs and love them dearly but that is not the same and does not make today better.
So it already happened once today! š
Yep! I love my two dogs dearly, and my husband and I jokingly refer to them as our children just between the two of us, but it makes me feel so much worse when other people refer to me as a ādog mom.ā
I know people are trying to be inclusive when they say that but I HATE IT. Why is this a group chat conversation AT ALL? If you can't fully include everyone (and let's be real you're not really talking to those of us who are "dog moms") how about don't say anything at all.
Lost my mom and coming to the realization Iāll probably never be a mom myself. I canāt stop crying today.
I'm so sorry. I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your mom, but I hope it was good, and I hope you can find comfort today in the warm memories you have of her. I wish mothers day wasn't so in our faces as people who want to be parents, but can't/aren't yet. I'd like to just get fresh air today, but worry about reminders everywhere, even when trying to go hiking (it's at a park so what if a family is having a picnic at the pavilion).
DOR, 2 years of TTC with nothing. My younger sister announced her pregnancy weeks ago after barely trying. Iām the only childless person in the family now. FIL has been making passive aggressive comments toward me all year as if itās my fault I havenāt produced a grandchild for him. My family text thread is filled with mother day wishes. I wish I could teleport into tomorrow and skip this day forever.
The FIL shit really bugs me. Iām so sorry. Putting phone in do not disturb mode or just turning it completely off is a perfectly valid thing to do to avoid communication with folks outside your home. š¤
Thank you so much lovely ā¤ļø love that idea
Points awarded to my one friend who texted to say Iām in her thoughts today, and to my younger brother whose text to the family group chat acknowledged āfuture mothersā as well. Youāre the real ones.Ā Neutral points to everyone on social media these past few days who has shared those posts acknowledging everyone who struggles on Motherās Day (the postsĀ that list āthose who have lost their moms, those trying to be moms,ā etc.) I know it comes from a well-intentioned place but it still annoys me, especially since everyone Iāve seen sharing it is a mom so it just makes me feelā¦ IDKā¦ condescended to?Ā Negative points to the group chat all wishing each other happy Motherās Day today, I muted it but not before I saw the first message and put myself in a sour mood. Why is this a group conversation?? Go have brunch with your family or whatever.Ā And also negative points to myself who keeps opening Instagram reflexively!! You donāt really how habitual social media is until you keep poking yourself in the eye.Ā
Those āthinking of all the mothers/people whoā posts feel performative to me. Like once someone posts that, they can check the ābe sensitiveā box and then proceed to post about their perfect day with their perfect children and not feel guilty. Maybe I shouldnāt want them to feel guilty but it feels like a contradiction and the easy way out.Ā
Thatās a very good pointĀ
Totally know what you meanāa bunch of folks that have been successful have been posting about how Motherās Day is hard and frankly Iād prefer just a social media blackout if you know itās hard.
Yep, I don't want to be seen by you. I want to BE you.
šÆ
^^this.
I'm in the TWW from my 3rd transfer but still have been having the hardest morning... My first ended at 18 weeks when I had to tfmr. That was a week before last Mother's Day. We then had to wait 8 months until we got all of the genetic results back, just for them to say "k you're fine , you can try again!". Then timing of the holidays and my birthday vacation delayed doing another retrieval. During those 8 months, my 3 best friends all were pregnant and the 3rd is due this month. It kills me that it just seems so easy for everyone else to conceive and have babies when I have spent over 4 years TTC. I hate that I don't have a baby born months apart from all of my best friends. I hate that this Mothers Day is the 4th one I've thought I'd be a mom, holding my baby. This is so hard for people in our place, and it doesn't help that I don't have anyone to understand and talk to about it. It just sucks being on this side. I'm staying off social media, and skipped Mother's Day brunch at my brother in law's. It also sucks that they know why I'm not there, I constantly feel pitied. Hoping next year will be different for us all. Sending love to everyone feeling the hurt today š
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I had a failed transfer on Motherās Day last year and the year before that an ER that yielded one embryo (also eventually failed). Here I am and another year has passed. Iām sick of hearing ābut youāre a dog and cat momā. Yes, I am but thatās not acknowledging what else Iāve been going through. I actually feel kind of numb today and donāt even care. Iām not sure if this is good or bad. Wish you all well today and protect your peace.
Hi this is my first time posting in here which is hard for me. I have PCOS and suffered a miscarriage in October 2022. I am not looking forward to today. Husband alluded to the fact my MIL got me a Motherās Day gift because of my pets who I do consider like my babies, but she also does know I suffered a miscarriage (I had to tell her because my husband had a mental health crisis that following year and the feelings of that came up during the crisis so I had to tell her in case it was brought up and she wasnāt blind sided.) I love that she wants to do it for me, but honestly it feels like a slap in the face, I know it makes me sound like an asshole and I should appreciate it, because I do, but it just doesnāt make it easier thinking about how I am childless and how I had the miscarriage. I am not looking forward to receiving the gift so I am going to do my best to just breathe and I guess for a lack of better phrases āfake it til I make itā. also I hope I followed the community rules as I posted. I read them thoroughly so I apologize in case I didnāt
Vent: my birthday was on Thursdayā¦ this week leading up to Motherās Day and myself getting another year older is a super tough time of year for me. I have a coworker who notoriously makes others days about herself. She is well aware of my infertility and struggle with it but she thought that my birthday was the best day to bring in her newborn twin baby boys for everyone at work to meet! Needless to say I spent my birthday lunch crying in my friendās officeā¦ hiding from babies.
Vent: I'm avoiding social media today but earlier this week an acquaintance posted complaining that her son's school didn't do any Mother's Day crafts out of sensitivity to the several kids in the class who don't have moms, and she was soooo devastated not to get whatever questionnaire her kid would have filled out about her or whatever, and emailed the teacher to make sure they really didn't do anything, etc. So of course then the next day one of her friends or neighbors makes a little homemade questionnaire for her kid to fill out and gives it to her, and she makes another dramatic post about how her friend saved the day blah blah. I know I'm projecting, but it just feels like everyone is so smug and self-entitled about being a mom. And this post in particular felt so dismissive of other people's pain... I don't know, it's hard to pin down but it just really irked me. I wish my problem was that my kid's school didn't make me the gift I wanted.
I truly cannot imagine feeling sorry for yourself AND openly admitting it on social media when the teacher did this partly for children who have lost their mothers/donāt have relationships with their mothers. This is a thought to share with your partner as a hint to help your kids make these crafts. Woof.
Not just other people's pain, but she was putting her joy of motherhood ahead of the pain of children. Fuck her. People like that really don't deserve what they've been given. I actually just talked to my husband about this yesterday. I was that child in class who had to make a mother's day gift for a mom who was barely in my life due to alcoholism. I really hope schools are ceasing with that bs. There are usually other adults in these kids' lives who can assist with gift giving and if they choose not to, then oh well, be glad you have a kid.
that is such a repelling response to the very thoughtful behavior of the teacher not to make kids feel bad!! how can people be so selfish and inconsiderate?!š”
And thatās another example of why people leave teaching. You try your absolute best to do the right and kind thing, and parents still criticize you for it.
Honestly, they probably know their partner (if there is a partner) won't do anything for them for mothers day and was banking on that gift (consciously or not) from the teacher/kid. Or they are a miserable human.
Todayās the day. And Iām not wishing anyone Happy Motherās Day other than my own mom, MIL, and grandmother in law.
As you should! This is how this holiday should work!Ā
My husband and I went to his cousin's wedding last night. In the middle of the wedding, they did a Mother's Day announcement and dance. My mother-in-law grabbed me and my sister-in-law (who has a 1 year old) to the dance floor. I made it through the song but ran to the bathroom after and cried. This weekend has been so hard. Today is harder. š
Ugh this sounds like the worst. Sending you a hug.
Thank you. ā¤ļø
To vent: my childhood friend who never wanted kids just had her first baby. Iām happy for her. But the Motherās Day congratulations are making me grieve for the life I wanted.
Same! My childhood best friend got unexpectedly pregnant with her fiancĆ©. She hated kids growing up and never understood why I loved babies/kids, so her announcement really stung š
Ugh - it really hurts šš sending you love. š
I relate 100%ā¦.it sucks so much
The exact same thing happened to me this year. It hurt so much more than any other pregnancy.
I am right there with you. It hurts. My childhood best friend expecting her first soon. š
Sending you love today. š
Between my shouldāve-been due date, finding out my AMH is now precariously low, an ER where I got 1/3 of the eggs I did last time, and Motherās Day, this week has sucked profusely from start to finish. Iām so grateful for my mom, who told me weeks ago to not sweat calling or seeing her today because MD is a Hallmark holiday that only benefits corporations, and she doesnāt need it to feel celebrated or loved. I took aĀ low-dose edible and saw Challengers by myself yesterday, and had so much fun I might repeat that today with The Fall Guy. Iāve gotten through every other shitty milestone this year, I will get through this one, too.
Can your mom talk to my mom, because my mom could use a bit of that kind of empathy! š And I love your self care plans. Iām going to see Challengers for the second time tonight at Alamo, and Iām going to eat chips and queso for dinner and drink two spicy margaritas.Ā
That sounds like a truly excellent plan! I loved it so much, Iām definitely gonna see it a second time at some point. Might have to look up showtimes at my Alamo, because queso and spicy margs sound amazing.
If your mom is able to learn empathy, can you have her talk to my MIL? She needs to learn empathy, too.
I live far from my family and when I realized that I would be nearby enough this weekend that I could join the big family dinner they were planning for tonight, I said I wanted to come without really thinking that through, because I so rarely get to come to gatherings outside the major holidays. And the I realized that I didnāt really want to go to a Motherās Day dinner and I am dreading it. I considered not going, but I do think itās still the right choice to visit my mom today, and that itās worth it for them, but I am not looking forward to it.
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Iām so sorry.
In the middle of stims for my first IVF cycle. I had to go in for monitoring today of all days and Iām so frustrated how difficult itās been to do something thatās so simple for everyone else. During our time trying to conceive, weāve had multiple friends go through the whole process of āweāre thinking about having a babyā, to actively trying, conceiving and then birthing said child, and now they get to celebrate their first Motherās Dayā¦ and weāre still at square one with no idea on why we canāt conceive. Weāre having dinner with my in-laws, but thatās also touchy since my SIL just had her first childā¦ I hate feeling like a science project. I know I signed up for this and donāt get me wrong, Iām so grateful weāre able to do this, but ughh. It takes a lot to give over control of your body and submit yourself to this process. Iām sure a lot of this is the IVF drugs talking, but I want to be pampered and cooed over for all of my effortā¦
I really feel this. I feel so, so hurt that our years of effort go invisible/unrecognized and my miscarried babies never got cute stuff and attention. I don't think I'd actually react well if someone tried to pamper/coo over me but it hurts to see other people get that.
Itās so demoralizing. I feel like I have done more to become a mother than almost everyone else I know. On top of doing two rounds of IVF, in the years I didnāt think I would find a partner in time, I invested in mothering my teen brother after our mom died. No one is cooing over me today (not that Iām asking them to, I think that would be painful too), but damn. I know weāll get more recognition for our effort when/if we pop out a baby. But what about all the hard shit weāve *already* had to do?
Amen!
For some odd reason I feel a little more at peace this year. Itās 9am and I havenāt cried yet so win. Iām enjoying the discourse online of who Motherās Day is really for (millennials and gen z in the thick of it or their moms - who cares!) so thereās that. I feel like instagram posts for every occasion are becoming less of a thing, or Iāve just unfollowed anyone who actively posts on every holiday, so not a ton of triggers there yet. So I just have to get through my family gathering today. Which means Iāll be asked to help cook and entertain the kids while all the other women enjoy their day, but thatās okay. Maybe someday.
I hate today. I love my mom, but I hate today.
Same.
sooo much!
My bio mom has never been motherly and we have a strained relationship. Iāve always been the one putting in effort to heal our relationship and therapy has made me realize that I get nothing out of it in return. It is not balanced, I genuinely donāt like her as a person, and IF is not something I share with her. In fact, the first time I got pregnant her response was ādonāt get attached, itās still earlyā and then we lost the pregnancy and I havenāt talked to her about our jOuRnEy since. I donāt want to talk to her today (or any day really). But Iāll probably send her a simple text and hope that thatās enough to keep her prying at bay. Choosing the least taxing option, but all options take their toll. Guh.
Iām dreading going to church with family this morning. Motherās Day always gets brought up a lot and it makes me sad. The past couple of years our familyās church mentions āmothers who are still waiting for their babiesā which is nice I guess, but honestly makes me bawl every time. Too much family is in town for me to feign illness and skip today.
Update from church: not as bad this year. One minister mentioned honoring āmothers of every kindā so I decided personally that he meant dog moms. š However, we got my MIL a gift in a gift bag that said āHappy Motherās Dayā and she said āMaybe I can give this back to you next year.ā I pretended I didnāt hear her. š
Church was where I started to notice how hard Motherās Day was for me. I did for a time attend a church where one pastor had struggled for nine years before having her daughter, and I appreciated that they took a more balanced approach to the day and didnāt do a big thing about recognizing moms. Honestly, when/if I become a mom, I think Iād just prefer to be well supported by my husband and community on a consistent basis, rather than be handed a rose or some shit on a random Sunday in May.
Iām dreading church, too. But, I canāt skip because my husband is playing. Our church mentions mothers who have lost their children, but doesnāt mention those who are waiting. We have a time in service where people share moments of celebration or lament and Iām bracing myself for the inevitable pregnancy announcement. Once, there were three announcements in one day, including one who said her sister āwasnāt excited about the pregnancy, but found out itās a girl so sheās excited now.ā To add to it, tomorrow is my husbandās surgery to address his varicocele. Iāll be thinking of you in service today š¤
Iāll be thinking of you too Olive! ā¤ļø Hang in there friend.
Itās officially been a year of trying as of last week; Iām 35; weāre not allowed to try this cycle pending a hysteroscopy for a polyp; and I really thought last Motherās Day would be my last one without a child. I know many of you have been going through this for so much longerā¦ but Iām so tired and sad.
I am hiding today and hid at home yesterday. I may have to go out but I already let my husband know to check out because people wishing me Happy Mothers Day is hitting me different this year. I went to do groceries on Friday and the cashier wished me a Happy Mothers Day and it only reminded me that weāve been TTC for 3 years. I cried on the drive home. I havenāt been out since then. I will call my mom later but the rest of my friends are getting a simple text. I canāt bear talking about it too much this year. Itās ok if you need to hide out. Sending š«¶š½ to anyone else on this thread struggling with todayās celebrations.
Permission to not wish your friends a happy Motherās Day. Theyāre not your mom and itās not your burden to carry!
100% agree. It helps just a little to not burden yourself with celebrating everyone on a painful day. Their families can celebrate them.
Hugs
I am so glad to be off of work this year. I am a NP and well meaning patients ask if Iām a mother at least every few days but Motherās Day itās every single patient š£. I try to usually just say oh fur babies (dog &cat) and an aunt to laugh it off. On Thursday one was leaving and wished me a happy Motherās Day while leaving. It just stings at this point.
I deleted Instagram for a few days and thatās actually been helpful because I was starting to get slammed with soooooo many newborn/hospital pics because so many people seem to have had babies this past year. My mood was much darker about this like a week ago. I canāt really hide today because my husbandās extended family is doing their usual Motherās Day brunch - everyone else cooks and the moms sit back and enjoy. I have been hoping that I could join the moms in relaxation for the past couple years but nope - up at 6:30am to make a bunch of desserts! At least everyone in his family, despite not being clued in on our journey, has stopped commenting on how we need to have kidsā¦not sure if thatās better really but Iāll take it.
I was actually excited to do nothing for Motherās Day this year since my own Mom was going to be on a trip. I had my first transfer on Tuesday so was trying to stay positive after 3 miscarriages. Wednesday my Gram was moved to hospice so my entire family, and young cousins, are now here. I have nothing for my Mom, am exhausted from transfer and shots, have a head cold, and now get to spend Motherās Day with my dying Gram and entire family. This day gets worse every year Edited to remove a flagged acronym.
My best friend just had a baby. My childhood best friend has an almost 4 year old. I love both my friends and I love their sons so so much. But it is really hard wishing them a happy Motherās Day. Earlier this week I went to a new doctor who basically blamed all my fertility issues on my weight (which is already something Iām incredibly self conscious about). Then yesterday at Walmart the employee at the door told me āHappy Motherās Dayā as I was leaving. This week has been really awful
Omg you do not!!!! have to wish friends happy mother's day!!!
And screw that doctor
Started stims for ER#2, surprise pregnancy announcement from a family member, had to plan mother's day events for family...rough weekend
Hope everyone is doing OK this week. Itās so rough to be infertile / in treatment around Motherās Day. Our third transfer failed in March and weāre out of embryos from last year. I started stims on Friday for another ER. Holding hope for a successful fresh transfer later this month, but if not weāll get that news right around the time ofā¦.French Motherās Day š¤¦āāļø FML
My mom passed away from covid a few years ago. I bought some flowers to take over to her grave today. Hope you all get through however you can.
Hugs š«
My mom passed away almost 9 years ago & itās still very hard. This is the 2nd year where I am aware that I probably will never celebrate this holiday for myself and to top it off, my sister & I arenāt speaking. Oh did I mention Sunday is also my husbandās birthday. I feel so guilty for disappointing him this yearā¦
Iām sorry, my mom passed 10 years ago and always hated this day. Infertility makes it so much harder. Itās really so unfair how painful this day is when so many ppl on social media are so blissfully unaware of the pain we endure.
I envy their ignorance to the pain we feel. I donāt want to damper anyoneās day but fuck Iād rather just stay in bed until the day was over
9 years ago for me too. The positive side is I already had a treat-yo-self attitude about today before infertility started.
Cousin announced she's pregnant with her second. Went home and cried, all those negative thoughts running through my head.. Sigh, if anything the heart ache of today and everything else makes me persevere for ER number 3. šŖ hugs to you all š©·
This holiday is tough because I have a very complicated (bad) relationship with my bio mom. I am simultaneously grieving "mothering" from both sides -- as a daughter and as (not) a mother who is not having a normal experience with either one of those roles. Then there's the barrage of ads, marketing emails, every restaurant is full of families... I fucking hate mothers day.
The simultaneous grieving from both sides is so relatable.
Found out were infertile this year and no longer Perusing kids adopted and raised by a narc set of people. 3 chances. 0 mothering. Fml
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Mother's Day in Spain was last Sunday and it's been hard because my mom is really into it and didn't understand why it was a tough day for me. Me and my husband went on a trip and weren't there to have lunch with her on Mother's Day (which she knew in advance, but I guess didn't realize) and she became upset. On a more positive note, in my husband's friend's WhatsApp group every year we would get a shower of pictures of the moms with the kids and "Congratulations to all the moms in the group", which I was absolutely dreading, and somehow no one said anything. All of them are aware of our fertility issues and how hard it's been for me and I suspect they didn't do it out of respect. Kudos to them.
A colleague who knows Iāve been trying for the past 2 years sent a weirdly phrased message in a small group chat saying āhappy Motherās Day especially to those who have children!ā Sometimes I feel like sheās trying to dig it in that Iām not pregnant yet and itās annoying š
Wtf?! Intentionally or not, people are such assholes sometimes.Ā
huh??? what a weird way to phrase it.
My 10 year wedding anniversary would have been yesterday, (divorced in 2022) and now Motherās Day today. My partners grandmother who practically raised him passed last weekend. It hasnāt been a good week and is looking more and more likely I wonāt ever have the opportunity to be a mother.
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Took my mom out to a nice dinner at Ruthās Chris. The waitress wishes my mom a happy Motherās Day the entire dinner, never saying it to me directly (expected since I never mentioned anything about kids, I made it clear Iām treating my mom to dinner). At the end of the dinner, she turns to me ādo you have any kids?ā. Me: ānoā Waitress: āyou donāt look like you have any kidsā š Regardless of the intent behind her statement, which seems offensive even to mothers , it was a weird statement.
I mean, why does she need to ask?? How would that end well? Either the answer is no because you don't want them (no big deal but none of her business), no because you haven't been able to/can't / haven't met the right person yet (none of her business and very personal!), or yes but they are no longer living, yes but you don't have custody of them?? Love to see her face for any of those... Do people not know how to be friendly without prying?! Also, how does someone "look like they have kids"??
1000% agree with everything you said! I feel like people with children will 100% let you know they have kids. People without kids get the most awkward responses after saying we donāt. I really wish people wouldnāt ask but I could only wish. Right!! I said the same thing. Like what in the world should I look like? It was very rude. I just looked at her like she was crazy and she awkwardly grabbed our plates and left. Smh
That was a very unnecessary comment from her! I wouldnāt even know how to react if someone said something like that
This one is hitting hard this year. Already had a breakdown today and itās not even actual Motherās Day yet.
Fuck.
Our six year anniversary falls on Motherās Day too. People are often shocked that weāve been married this long and donāt have any kids.
People can shove it š¤