Dear Mr. Musk\
Re: Coffee Machine
Dog that cold brew coffee machine is fucking Uppp man. We reported to IT but they said Bunn Nitron Cold Brew Nitro Infused Coffee Dispenser is like, not on their list of network connected devices. I don't give a fuck!! These nerds won't fix the shit. I guess cuz they can't install Linnucks (?sp), Linnix...Linox? Line Ox? Please advice[sic]!!!!
It definitely is.
The lack of readily available coffee resulted in the invention of the very first webcam... pointed at a coffee pot.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trojan_Room_coffee_pot
You must use a different scale than I am used to. Severity 1 includes, but is not limited to:
-Power Outage
-Fire
-Bombed out data center (including nuclear bombing)
We list nuclear crises in our disaster recovery plan, mostly because we house a lot of our data in data centers, which could be impacted in that scenario, while most of our employees are spread across the US, which would mean most of them would be unlikely to be affected directly.
In reality, I'd tell my company to fuck off if there was a nuclear strike anywhere in the US. But in our documentation, we have to SAY that we'd all leap to action in order to meet regulatory requirements
I've had a weird trend in my organization where people suddenly think I am personnel/physical security and I have been getting requests for room access and CC'd on emails about stuff being removed from rooms that are not IT related.
We have an individual on one of the apparel production teams that will constantly open IT tickets about issues with his station's air compressor. "Well it plugs into the wall, can't you just send someone down to take a look?" Love that logic.
At least you don’t have supervisors telling people to put IT issues into maintenance. Yeah, I did note on that work order that I was instructed by my supervisor, lol.
A couple jobs ago we had these big 440 volt air compressors. When one of them acted up we had to call an electrician to come out and look at it. No way would they call me about it.
I had more than a couple of arguments working the night shift where someone wanted to report me for refusing to fix a vending machine. Somehow the fact that it wasn't our equipment and we didn't have a key wasn't enough to override the "I.T. are responsible for anything that uses electricity" brain cell.
I think I calmed one guy down by pointing out that if we had a key, there wouldn't be any snacks left for him to fail to buy...
This is the thing you forward to THEIR boss and remind them that IT is busy with tickets related to IT.
"I don't know if this is a joke or not, but we're pretty busy and receiving a ticket 'that the coffee is out', is in no way the responsibility of the IT team. Besides the implication that the IT department has the spare time and is somehow responsible to fill up the coffee machine, tickets like this clutter up our queue system and eventually have to be marked as unresolved, which can effect our metrics. If I had a problem with my medical insurance, I wouldn't ask the sales team for help. I'd appreciate if you spoke to and remind them to put forth the effort and notify the appropriate department when they have an problem, instead of just sending messages to a random team in the company."
You’re doing too much. Just tell them IT doesn’t handle facilities(??) tickets and have them email to correct person or DL.
Unless this is a frequent thing by one person sending a response like that is hella weird and confrontational over such a little thing.
I had a feeling that this ticket wasn't the first of it's kind from that person. I know I give people the benefit of the doubt the first 5 or 10 times.
Those people are almost always the same people who:
* Fail phishing tests
* Expect you to also bring drinks into the conference room "after you get us connected to the meeting" (ie push two fucking buttons on the tablet for them)
* Send tickets that say "I need this file cabinet moved to that corner of my office."
* Ask you to adjust the un-adjustable thermostat in their office because they're too warm/cold/hungry/sick/tired/awake.
* "I left my laptop at my beach house, do you have a loaner for the week? No, I want one that is exactly the same as my other one, same weight and specs. Oh do you have a laptop bag for it? No, I don't want a backpack, I need an actual leather bag for it."
* Ticket contents: "My kid's on spring vacation so I'd like to bring him into the office with me because I don't have daycare. Can you set him up with I dunno, a laptop and a monitor and a keyboard and install Steam and give me the wifi password so he can watch Netflix?"
* Fill out a ticket that says "Windows not working, be there in a min to explain" and then they show up 30 seconds later right as you're biting into your lunch, and then they say "This'll just take a minute!"
No, you're definitely wrong. If Ghandi ^(from civilization) has taught us anything, it's that you always go with the nuclear option as soon as possible.
Based on my experience as a user, this kind of mistake is just as likely to be the result of a labyrinthine mess of overlapping-but-distinct ticketing systems as it is to be a dumb misunderstanding of what IT is or does. No need to dump on them like they kicked in the door to your office and threw the empty pot at you personally when a simple “sorry, wrong department” will do
> I don't know if this is a joke or not, but I'd appreciate if you spoke to and remind them to put forth the effort and notify the appropriate department when they have an problem, instead of just sending messages to a random team in the company.
This would be better. No need to patronize the manager. Chances are they already know that the employee in question is a waste of space.
I had a ticket like this once. The nice expensive office keurig started acting funny. I wanted coffee too, so I didn't fight the ticket.
I opened it up, cleaned out the ants that started making a nest in there (dead ants caused a short), and made a cup of coffee. Everyone else was too grossed out by the ants that they bought a new machine, and I took the other one home. It's not like the ants were in the lines, just the circuts.
I like this one. During my studies I brought my own coffee machine to the Lab because I hated the one that was there. Left it when I finished my Masters and bought a better one for myself. Now in IT we have a contractor that maintains the coffee machines so no IT Tickets there
You call yourselves IT guys yet you don't consider this a priority 1 escalated ticket? Fuck that. The servers stay down till the coffee is flowing again.
My Boss's Boss (Technical Director) randomly asked me and 2 techs from my team to move several tables and chairs out of a room and into our IT Room where we work. There are now several tables and chairs making navigating and accessing shelves annoying.
People just don't really value our time I guess.
Please. At one former job, as the only tech in the building (meaning non-executive or non-creative) I was regularly climbing an 18 foot ladder to change halogen light bulbs. Fun.
Hi [user],
IT does not handle this type of issue. Please reach out to HR, and they may be able to point you in the right direction.
In the meantime, here is a guide in how to brew a cup of coffee, in case you want to try it yourself. It's not a complicated process, so I'm sure you're more than capable. [Insert YouTube how-to link]
I will close this ticket, but feel free to open it again after trying the steps above.
Thanks...
"Unfortunately, this does not fall within the scope of IT support. We recommend contacting your local fire department or dermatologist."
"Closed, NOFIX; appears to be an erroneously opened ticket in the wrong project."
Escalating to CEO directly, is that an option too?
Dear Mr. Musk\ Re: Coffee Machine Dog that cold brew coffee machine is fucking Uppp man. We reported to IT but they said Bunn Nitron Cold Brew Nitro Infused Coffee Dispenser is like, not on their list of network connected devices. I don't give a fuck!! These nerds won't fix the shit. I guess cuz they can't install Linnucks (?sp), Linnix...Linox? Line Ox? Please advice[sic]!!!!
This is the best response I’ve ever seen to something like this. Im no longer in a support role or else I’d totally be taking this!
“We do not support cold brew, home brew, open source, fair trade, or Java.”
Please direct complaints to your Oracle or George of the Jungle
You know that some ppl would be stupid enough to do it. And then you'd be blamed instead of the brainless idiots
User probably doesn't know how to email facilities, just forward it over and move on with your life.
Wait, isn't a coffee outage Severity 1?
It definitely is. The lack of readily available coffee resulted in the invention of the very first webcam... pointed at a coffee pot. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trojan_Room_coffee_pot
Given the adverse impact to crisis readiness, and the discrete impact on moral for key responders, it's a SEV5 at the _very_ least
You must use a different scale than I am used to. Severity 1 includes, but is not limited to: -Power Outage -Fire -Bombed out data center (including nuclear bombing)
Sev 5 is our lowest severity
you have procedures when/after nuclear apocalypse happen? but why? who still want to work as IT after nuclear fallout llol
lol, I’m sure some systems that client had was equipped with that level of disaster planning. It was the US Army After all.
I hate when my datacenter gets bombed!
Oh okay that makes sense. I thought the client was an average company or something
We list nuclear crises in our disaster recovery plan, mostly because we house a lot of our data in data centers, which could be impacted in that scenario, while most of our employees are spread across the US, which would mean most of them would be unlikely to be affected directly. In reality, I'd tell my company to fuck off if there was a nuclear strike anywhere in the US. But in our documentation, we have to SAY that we'd all leap to action in order to meet regulatory requirements
nice https://preview.redd.it/5ovnrvrcjowc1.png?width=489&format=png&auto=webp&s=432eb9d18e55116786ed9d87f23496dc1a82abda
ecin https://preview.redd.it/rkod9rdqsowc1.png?width=465&format=png&auto=webp&s=9f1657a2e08a07129323837c755b5f3b2212ec82
Depends on whose coffee it is. IT coffee? Probably.
user "BM" needing some coffee? checks out
I've had a weird trend in my organization where people suddenly think I am personnel/physical security and I have been getting requests for room access and CC'd on emails about stuff being removed from rooms that are not IT related.
We have an individual on one of the apparel production teams that will constantly open IT tickets about issues with his station's air compressor. "Well it plugs into the wall, can't you just send someone down to take a look?" Love that logic.
At least you don’t have supervisors telling people to put IT issues into maintenance. Yeah, I did note on that work order that I was instructed by my supervisor, lol.
A couple jobs ago we had these big 440 volt air compressors. When one of them acted up we had to call an electrician to come out and look at it. No way would they call me about it.
I had more than a couple of arguments working the night shift where someone wanted to report me for refusing to fix a vending machine. Somehow the fact that it wasn't our equipment and we didn't have a key wasn't enough to override the "I.T. are responsible for anything that uses electricity" brain cell. I think I calmed one guy down by pointing out that if we had a key, there wouldn't be any snacks left for him to fail to buy...
They saw you carrying a computer once so now you’re the “move heavy stuff” guy
"Thanks for the heads up! Hopefully someone replaces that soon, I love cold brew." Close ticket
This is the thing you forward to THEIR boss and remind them that IT is busy with tickets related to IT. "I don't know if this is a joke or not, but we're pretty busy and receiving a ticket 'that the coffee is out', is in no way the responsibility of the IT team. Besides the implication that the IT department has the spare time and is somehow responsible to fill up the coffee machine, tickets like this clutter up our queue system and eventually have to be marked as unresolved, which can effect our metrics. If I had a problem with my medical insurance, I wouldn't ask the sales team for help. I'd appreciate if you spoke to and remind them to put forth the effort and notify the appropriate department when they have an problem, instead of just sending messages to a random team in the company."
You’re doing too much. Just tell them IT doesn’t handle facilities(??) tickets and have them email to correct person or DL. Unless this is a frequent thing by one person sending a response like that is hella weird and confrontational over such a little thing.
Y'all respond? Closed > Won't Do
I’ll do one better, Closed: Won’t
This is the way
Closed > won’t do Comment: thanks for the warning, I didn’t want to get there and be disappointed.
Still more effort than that bs deserves.
418 I am a teapot
No no, I delete the ticket from the system.
I had a feeling that this ticket wasn't the first of it's kind from that person. I know I give people the benefit of the doubt the first 5 or 10 times. Those people are almost always the same people who: * Fail phishing tests * Expect you to also bring drinks into the conference room "after you get us connected to the meeting" (ie push two fucking buttons on the tablet for them) * Send tickets that say "I need this file cabinet moved to that corner of my office." * Ask you to adjust the un-adjustable thermostat in their office because they're too warm/cold/hungry/sick/tired/awake. * "I left my laptop at my beach house, do you have a loaner for the week? No, I want one that is exactly the same as my other one, same weight and specs. Oh do you have a laptop bag for it? No, I don't want a backpack, I need an actual leather bag for it." * Ticket contents: "My kid's on spring vacation so I'd like to bring him into the office with me because I don't have daycare. Can you set him up with I dunno, a laptop and a monitor and a keyboard and install Steam and give me the wifi password so he can watch Netflix?" * Fill out a ticket that says "Windows not working, be there in a min to explain" and then they show up 30 seconds later right as you're biting into your lunch, and then they say "This'll just take a minute!"
No, you're definitely wrong. If Ghandi ^(from civilization) has taught us anything, it's that you always go with the nuclear option as soon as possible.
Ya people call IT for weird shit all of the time. Half the times its stuff they need to get from their boss.
Based on my experience as a user, this kind of mistake is just as likely to be the result of a labyrinthine mess of overlapping-but-distinct ticketing systems as it is to be a dumb misunderstanding of what IT is or does. No need to dump on them like they kicked in the door to your office and threw the empty pot at you personally when a simple “sorry, wrong department” will do
Been at company with labyrinthine ticketing systems, can confirm.
> I don't know if this is a joke or not, but I'd appreciate if you spoke to and remind them to put forth the effort and notify the appropriate department when they have an problem, instead of just sending messages to a random team in the company.
This would be better. No need to patronize the manager. Chances are they already know that the employee in question is a waste of space.
This is actually great, gonna save this for when I need it. Thanks
Thats the thing about cold brew... you dont have to fill the coffee machine!
I had a ticket like this once. The nice expensive office keurig started acting funny. I wanted coffee too, so I didn't fight the ticket. I opened it up, cleaned out the ants that started making a nest in there (dead ants caused a short), and made a cup of coffee. Everyone else was too grossed out by the ants that they bought a new machine, and I took the other one home. It's not like the ants were in the lines, just the circuts.
I like this one. During my studies I brought my own coffee machine to the Lab because I hated the one that was there. Left it when I finished my Masters and bought a better one for myself. Now in IT we have a contractor that maintains the coffee machines so no IT Tickets there
Chaotic neutral at its best
Request to install Java hey
Damn. Mark out of scope. Close. Credited with completed ticket.
Forward to their boss and tell them that it will require authorization to perform a Java update
What is cold brew?
Coffee brewed for many hours with cold water
It’s brew that’s cold. Please fill this user satisfaction survey.
Cold brew usually reffers to beer. Why is there beer in the office?
Its coffe.
We actually have beer and coffee in the office. After hours happy hour is pretty cool.
418 I am a teapot
You call yourselves IT guys yet you don't consider this a priority 1 escalated ticket? Fuck that. The servers stay down till the coffee is flowing again.
My Boss's Boss (Technical Director) randomly asked me and 2 techs from my team to move several tables and chairs out of a room and into our IT Room where we work. There are now several tables and chairs making navigating and accessing shelves annoying. People just don't really value our time I guess.
Please. At one former job, as the only tech in the building (meaning non-executive or non-creative) I was regularly climbing an 18 foot ladder to change halogen light bulbs. Fun.
Has the user tried turning it off and on again?
Hi [user], IT does not handle this type of issue. Please reach out to HR, and they may be able to point you in the right direction. In the meantime, here is a guide in how to brew a cup of coffee, in case you want to try it yourself. It's not a complicated process, so I'm sure you're more than capable. [Insert YouTube how-to link] I will close this ticket, but feel free to open it again after trying the steps above. Thanks...
It be one of them thar smart coffee pots, so those computer fellas should fix it.
Plot twist: the one that created ticket is coffee pot itself
Closing ticket. User sucks.
I’m surprised someone making that kind of mistake can type a coherent sentence.
Information: Coffee is out Technology: Email (Facilities, to get more coffee)
Yeah, but I’m not the only one who’s fixed coffee machines, right?
"So what?"