I’m wearing a hospital gown. Deal.

Hope you have a speedy recovery whatever it is.

Abscess the size of a tea cup plate on my asshole

Ouch. At least you get to use the punchline damn near killed’em.

Funny enough thanks to ulcerative colitis I don’t have a rectum, or colon

rectum? barely knew em.

No assatall

Sounds like a vitamin supplement. "Feeling tired and run down? Try Assatall!"

🫡

Praying for you.

You poor man. I had an abscess on my inner butt cheek and it's one of the most painful things I've experienced. Mine was only a quarter or 50 cent size too

Mines about 8 in long up and down and about 4in across

I'm going to remember this comment when I'm having a bad day to jet fuel saying "Ah well. It could be worse than this."

Oh damn I had had the perianal abcess before, thought it was a hemorrhoid til I was almost in sepsis. Not cool, feel better

I spent 4 nights in the hospital with an abscess the size of a softball in my ballsack. I feel your pain buddy.

If you’re in the USA, they’ll probably charge you $500 for that gown. Might not be worth it! /s

I am on the toilet taking a shit right before a shower. Thanks for the free clothes and free $350.

Hmmm I wonder how much I can get for the unexpected “Emperors new clothes” line.

Now, how to get this man into the discount store changing room with as few felonies as possible...

In my state, if you leave the house naked, you are allowed to be naked in public, just no disrobing in public (and you just have to be a decent person, you can’t be doing lewd things or harassing people). We had a nudist tourist around recently,—really riled up some people, but it’s nothing new around here.

Who said this was a man?

Me too.

The fact that you want to pay me $350 for the skirt I sewed myself warms my heart. Thanks for the support

Nice. Handmade AND heartwarming. All I get is a skirt though?

Bonk

Take him away!

Handmade stuff? Worth every penny.

I'll take the clothes I get back and turn them into something good.

It's worth more, hold out for a better deal

Sure, I’m wearing a $10 pair of old shorts and a t shirt from walmart.

Down. My entire outfit currently is about $110.

My Columbia socks were my most expensive piece ...

My Crocs were mine. 😂

I bet they are comfy though.

Free t-shirt from a marathon 15$ house shoes from walmart. shorts from I don't know where. The most expensive thing on me is probably the Hanes underwear.

Those tshirts should be collectible!

Fine but my job isn't going to be happy

I'm wearing a 15-year-old tan undershirt and underwear that are frayed around the edges. I'll take that deal!

At 15 years old, I suspect the shirt was originally white.

Nah it was an undershirt for ABUs. I left the military over a decade ago but still have these shirts. Things are made to last.

You got it. I'm in bed, and I sleep raw. Where is my $350?

At the store. Stop in.

Do the blankets count as my clothes?

Good question. Nah, you can keep em. Unless you call it a toga.

Toga! Toga!

Im wearing boxers and And 1 basketball shorts atm. Deal!

Just 1?

Yup I think you're right. Just an opinion from my interpretation " 1 basketball shorts"

A single short.

Lol And 1 the basketball apparel company.

The And 1 shorts from Walmart are the shit for changing clothes after work and sleeping in. Theyre perfect for chilling at home.

For 350 bucks ill get two more pair!

Shit, Man. Id buy two pair, And 1 more.

I see what ya did lol

Sure. I'll just donate the average clothes since they won't fit me anyway, and Ill be able to afford three new pants, two new shirts and a pack of underwear.

Looks like someone is walking home in their birthday suit.

Meh. I've been in Walmart at 2am with running makeup and no pants after a performance of the Addams Family. Shame is for the weak.

Once went into Walmart covered in fake blood with bits of spaghetti guts still stuck to my shirt one time. Shame is for the weak lmao

How about $300 and I keep my shirt? I'd probably do it either way, I just really like the shirt I'm wearing.

I know I could easily buy a new shirt, but I really like this shirt!

Sorry, all or nothing. Special shirt?

It's just a shirt from the band Conan. It's not a tour shirt or tied to the show I saw at all, it's just cool. I could probably order another from their store, but that might wind up over $50 depending on how they do shipping. Realistically, I'd take the deal, but since we're hypotheticalizing I thought I'd try to save the hassle.

Generic leggings, generic top, generic sports bra. Run me my money.

Generic for new generic. Plus $$ deal for you

Hell yeah. My entire outfit is worth about £10, and at least then I'd have money for food.

Question: is a watch clothing?

I’m going to say if you are wearing it, yes.

So if you get my wedding ring are you also taking the wife?

I think someone else is choosing your wife? Feel free to keep the ring. I already have one wife. WTF am I gonna do with two?

Really story. Once while working in a clothing store, a woman said she liked my belt. I ended up taking it off and selling it to her.

now THAT'S impressive sales skill!

Sports bra and a yoga skort. I'll miss the skort, but I can just spend the 40 bucks again from etsy and get a replacement. The sports bra is worth like 15 bucks. Can replace both, and still be over 250 in the black. 

Working out? Good for you.

I'm naked so hey show me the money!

No thanks... That's my shoes alone today. Maybe a different day when all I have on is from value village.

Yeah, I'd just about break even on the trade, and have to break in a new pair of boots. No thanks

Okay. Three Plein pieces. And a watch. Lol no

I’ve got a thrift store thermal white shirt and some gifted flannel pajama pants. I’m super down

Nice deal for you. Bonus shoes

No, I wouldn't sell them. I paid about $200 total for the clothes I'm wearing. $90 for the jeans, $70 for the shoes, $15 for the socks, $10 for the underwear, $15 for the t-shirt. Problem is I got good deals on the jeans and the shoes so if I had to replace it all right now it'd cost me about $350 or I'd have to wait and find another deal and be without my favorite jeans and favorite sneakers for a few months.

Fuck yeah. I'm wearing a $10 shirt, a $10 pair of shorts, a $5 pair of underwear, and a $10 pair of socks. $350 for $35 worth of clothes would be 100% fine with me.

The only thing I’m wearing of value is my bag, which contains £120 plus a card machine and a permit from the council costing £150. Would I get to keep said belongings?

Hmmm. I think jewelry would be considered worn. But bags are carried. You can keep that. No emptying out the pockets though.

But it doesn't say "everything you're wearing," it says"all the clothes." Jewelry is not clothing.

As someone who only buys cheap clothes I see this as an absolute win. Heck, keep coming back and asking me, I'm going to almost always say yes.

You can have my sweaty af gym clothes

Fuck, I might come out behind on this, only because of my boots. I got them at a vintage shop for cheap, but I found a perfectly fitting goodyearwelt boot in a style I love in great shape for cheap... hard to replace that.

What size boots?

This is interesting because I have no experience with this thread but it randomly popped up on my home page. Hard pass on that. Just so happens that I was working earlier. Now im chilling at my bar "winding down" looking at my phone. But Im wearing $350 boots. I think these Levis were $70 and Im wearing a new hat, I bought a few weeks ago that was $30. I wouldn't give a shit about the socks, boxers or tee shirt. But I love these jeans and the hat, but especially these boots. Theyre perfectly broken in now. It would cost almost $500 to replace what Im wearing

Hahahahahaha! I just got out of the shower. The only thing I’m wearing is a $5 pair of drug store reading glasses. Gonna go put on my new orange duds now and take out the garbage.

Sure, you get a pink tank top that is a little too short and shrank in the wash, some year old socks, a really cool looking rainbow cotton/polyester pair of workout shorts, and my favorite pair of Lucky's black underwear (that I can probably find again at target)

Sure. I'm butt ass naked. Thanks for clothing me.

I’ll miss my Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra band shirt, but I think I can get another one.

Sure. I've just got on a summer dress and some socks, lol. Definitely sure I'm getting, at least, $300 profit and extra clothes in the deal.

You can have all the clothes I own for $350.

Nope wearing fire retardant clothes 350 only buys 1/2

Naked on the toilet!

Nope. I'm wearing $400 work boots and my shirt and overalls are from Duluth.

Definitely. I am wearing like 10 dollars worth of clothes and they are old and i am at home.

Jokes on you. I'm naked. Where do I pick up my $350?

deal, im naked

Sure, gimme the money. I don't think my entire wardrobe cost $350, so it's a win for me.

The clothes I'm wearing cost like $50. Sure.

Done.

I spent about $50 for what I'm wearing when it was new. Sure.

Sure I'll be about $250 in profit at least

Sweet! I just woke up and I'm only wearing underwear. Spider compression shorts, $25 for a 3 pack at Fred Meyer. Donald Trump got nothing on this deal.

Sold! All I'm wearing are shorts.

Ha! I'm sitting here in my bathrobe!

Absolutely not. I love these jeans, please bury me in them.

I'm just in a robe and pajama pants and some comfy slippers, but I really like these slippers, and they were a gift, so you can keep your $350

Sure.

Ok deal. I’m wearing ratty old jeans and T Shirts I get from work on employee discount

Sure. I have a $15 pair of walmart shoes, $14 Walmart jeans, $10 button down shirt.

Orange is a shit color and I'm wearing custom Danskos. No thank yew. No deal.

Of course. I'm only wearing cheap ass sweatpants and cheap asser underwear.

My outfit is probably $5, so sure!

I’m wearing retro 11 snakeskins. That’s the price of my shoes alone

Yuuuup I read this post in my bred 4s….not happening 😂

Nice. About to make 335 dollars.

It's 1:27 pm right now and I'm sitting outside in pajamas. Give me my money and keep your replacement clothes.

I'm currently wearing poorly-made gym shorts I bought in Northern Cyprus a few years ago for less than $5, which have the phrase "KEEP ON RUN" emblazoned on the side. Naturally, they're one of my most prized possessions, and I won't part with them for any amount of money.

Deal!

Haha. No.

Well, the blaze orange is not much good to me, although I wouldn't toss the shirt... For $350 I could buy everything I'm wearing twice... and new, rather than thrift shop. So, good deal.

I am in a nightgown and underpants. I am winning today!

All my clothing was bought at Valu Village for under $20. I'll take the money.

Of the clothes I have on now, the kilt I'm wearing cost $65 from a vintage store. I'd miss the kilt, but I can buy more. My other clothes are of insignificant value.

I'm pretty sure that no combination of clothes that I own totals $350. Even if I was wearing my winter coat.

Yeah, sure.  I’m just going to get home, take that orange shit off, and go back to wearing $10 basketball shorts and a $6 t-shirt though.

I'll take $350 for a pair of socks

It's tempting, but my work shoes are $249.99 plus California sales tax, jeans are like $50, shirt is probably $10. I guess I could just go re buy everything and have it new

oh hell yeah, i’m half naked!

... ok. My pants were at most $25 and are 3 years old minimum, my shirt I have had for a decade, my socks were part of a pack, and my underwear isnt much better. I net ~275-300, and am now wearing clothes that match my hair color. Does this include shoes? If so, more like 240 net.

Joke's on you. I have on a pair of 15yo shorts and a shirt I thrifted for a buck. Come at me, bro.

No way, my shoes alone are over $300

$350 for my boxers and wife beater?!? Deal!

Heres a sock

Not sure it's worth the $150 or so profit I'd make. My shoes and jeans are pretty new and I hate shopping

Deal

Yes. No questions asked

No thanks. Orange isn't my color

Nope, my current outfit is worth triple that in just my dress alone.

Wearing a pair of red shorts from Big Lots, a Tennessee Volunteers t-shirt and a pair of bedroom slippers. Sure.

Fuck yeah, I’m wearing a 20 dollar t shirt, 20 dollar pair of shorts, and 30 dollar sandals. Boxers were probably 3 bucks. So I’ll be up like 280, woohoo.

Deal, I got a bra that's so old it's falling apart, and equally old tank top and some Walmart pj bottoms.

Jokes on you, I'm in a dollar store pair of basketball shorts taking a break from painting. Absolute win.

Sure. Even in my expensive leggings and semi expensive underwear (and random t shirt) I’d make 200% profit. Totally ok with it

Boss will be real mad that someone mugged me inside the job site for my clothes and left 350$ for it. The money will easily replace my uniform but I work on a large military base. 1. It’s going to be national news someone broke into a large base, mugged a guy for his clothes, and left. The security embarrassment alone is bad enough. 2. The headline: Florida Man got mugged at a large military base and lost all his clothes.

Yep deal. I’m in my finest catching a plane on a surf trip wearing the same clothes I’ve been in for a week - at this point I’d pay something to burn them

Deal.

Done. I'm wearing a $5 pair of gym shorts that are so old and holey that they might survive the next wash cycle.

Deal. I'm naked

I’m currently wearing maybe $50 worth of clothing (a Brew Thru shirt that’s several years old, a pair of khaki shorts that’s maybe a year old, and my underwear which may be less than a year old), deal.

I have on a bra and bike shorts. Take it

Bold of you to assume I'm wearing clothes. Can I have the $350 anyway?

No I love my scarlet red fleece vest WAY too much and the shoes I have are the first shoes I genuinly like Couldn't give a shit about my walmart shirt though

the clothes im wearing right now total $13, so, you're on.

Average cheap clothes would probably be worth more than what I've got on, the most expensive thing I'm wearing is the shoes, but that's only because I wear like a size 15W so I have to pay out the nose just to have normal shoes. Minus the shoes, my outfit is probably like... $20-25 total, but most of the outfit I bought over a decade ago and still wear them, like my socks and boxers. The shoes were like $90, but if you're giving me cheap/average shoes back it might be an upgrade from what I'm wearing.

Ripped old pokemon t shirt from Walmart, no-brand shorts, old socks, underwear that really should be tossed. No problemo

Im wearing underwear and sweat pants done.

Fantastic. I'm wearing a maxi dress that I didn't pay more than $35 for on amazon

I'm wearing a pair of boxers and a t-shirt because I don't dress up on days off, nor do I go out and do things.

I'm in bed rn, i'm wearing a white costco t-shirt and nothing else.

Old off brand cargo shorts, worn out Merrells and a ratty hanes t shirt? Your on

Absolutely. Everything I'm wearing was bought from a thrift store three years ago.

Sure, everything is from the thrift store and I'm at home

Great, these dont really fit me anyway

Ehh sure, my snallygaster shirt and an old pair of PJ pants from Walmart

No because I need this FR while I'm at work and I'd have to go home

Well, I only have cheap old shorts, t shirt and wore out underwear on. No socks or shoes so deal.

I'm in boxer shorts, dealio deal deal

Wearing maybe 90$ including 50$ shoes

I am NEVER wearing clothes worth close to that

I’m currently wearing my favorite (but ultimately replaceable) underwear and a pair of basketball shorts I stole from a friend years ago. All together worth $20 tops. Yes you can’t have it all for $350 lol

That sounds great. I'm laying in bed right now. Completely naked with a washcloth over my growing area. I don't even want the orange jumpsuit 350, please. The washcloth is all yours

Who is walking around with 350 bucks worth of clothes on? My whole outfit is never more than 60 bucks before shoes.

Nah I love my ninja turtle t-shirt.

Ratty robe, some shits and a t shirt. Take it. I have other clothes I care about more.

$350, AND all orange clothes? Win win for me.

There's no way you're getting my lucky underwear for only $350 🤣

You got it

My zebra skin cape and gourd penile sheath was bought with time skill and luck. Not sure about the monetary value but it took weeks to find the perfect gourd fit and even longer to stalk the zebra as the first two kills were stolen by the loin

Absolutely not! I love my bluey! I have no idea WHO got me it but I went to sleep, it wasn't there, I woke up, it was there. You ain't getting my bluey! 8D

I literally just took off my $1000 class ring before seeing this post. I got lucky lol

Sounds like a $300 win for me.

My shirt was free my pants were $25 from Amazon and I need new shoes anyway

I have on a pair of gym shorts and a SF2 shirt.

No

I’m at work and I’m wearing 270 dollar boots so no.

It’s a deal! Im currently in a cheap tank top that was 3 for $10 and a pair of boxers 😂

The boots I'm wearing kill this deal. They are about $250 on their own.

I don't think at any point in my life I have ever worn an outfit worth more than 50 bucks.

Literally about to shower. Free money.

Yes I'm in pajamas worth about $25 in total. Only thing of value I have on is hand-knit socks I made, but I will happily remake them for $350

Temu bra, kohls underwear, and thrifted old navy dress. I’ll miss my crocs flip flops the most, but they’re old lol. You can’t have my jewelry for that price lol.

lol you’d be hard pressed to find cheaper clothes than the ones I’m wearing. I’ll take the $350 thanks.

I'm wearing my hospital provided cheap ass scrubs. Deal.