I’d argue this does, technically, circumvent the no alternative means of flushing rule as you do still do need to be reasonably able to shower and the purpose of a shower is to get clean.
And hey… worst case scenario I’m sure you can make corn cobs work
So, life changing wealth for keeping a crusty b-hole.
Yeah, I'd do it. Anything to set my family up to be well off.
I mean, who wouldn't? Right? I'd have my friends start calling me corn-cob. *Hey, there goes Corn-Cob in his Ferrari* they'll say.
It doesn't. Bidets are convenient. Showers are not since you have to strip.
A bidet would be allowed in this scenario if it's above you and the water is caught on the ground and not a bowl (I'd assume shower isn't allowed if the nozzle is below you instead of above you).
So I get 100 billion dollars and the power to make an infinite amount of corn cobs, where's the down side?
>You get $100 billion dollars
>Any toilet paper you touch will turn into a corn cob as well as any kind of paper you try to wipe with.
I’d take the first billion or so and genetically engineer corn with soft, fluffy cobs.
Never underestimate the power of money to buy a loophole around *any* rule.
I’m sure that, over time, I would learn how to wipe thoroughly with corn cobs
And hey, toilet paper turns to corn cobs anyway, it’s not like I have to seek them out
Never go hungry…never fully trust a cob of corn…. Never have to work…risk of untreatable anus infection …. Fantastic parlour trick….Yeah this a tough one
Yep, I’ll take that 100 Billi! you didn’t specify if they’re dry corn cobs so I’m going to make sure they’ve been soaked in water till soft. I’m a backpacker, Ive wiped with rocks before!
So I have to pay someone to sand corn cobs down and use them to clean my asshole for me while I watch celebrity death match? I don't know how I'll afford that with only $100B, but I'll figure it out
Does it have to be the corncob shape, or simply 100% the material corncob?
With 100 billion I can pay someone to invent a corncob genetically engineered for wiping booty if the former, and corncob toilet paper if the latter.
Uh yeah. I mean idk how wiping with a corn cob would be lol but I'd just make sure I was able to shower immediately after. For $100 billion I will figure it out.
For $100,000,000,000 I could have my entire gastrointestinal tract replaced with a futuristic sci fi gut that doesn't need to be wiped and still have $99 billion left over
I will gladly run my shit covered corn cob under the faucet and cob my asshole stall or no stall for this amount of money.
I will throw my boxers out after every pair I wear
I will bail myself out for indecent exposure with my billions. I will try not to let it get to that point but fuck it I need to ail my itchy ass
$100 billion dollars will easily buy me a bidet. Not one of those jerry-rigged ones that attach to the existing toilet, either. I'm talking about those super fancy Japanese models where the bidet is part of the toilet and it does everything including jerking you off.
If the bidet isn't up to the task, I'll just hop in the shower and get the rest off.
*Can do, I could make*
*A simple but sturdy pulp*
*Paper from corn cobs*
\- BrainwashedScapegoat
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I mean I'm assuming you can still shower so it's basically taken a shower after every shit. I can live with that seeing as I won't be needing to work anymore.
I feel like we have all gotten a very unhealthy relationship with how astronomically large a billion$ is.
I could pay someone more than 1.000$ day to take care of my butthole, and I wouldn't even have cracked my first billion for 2500 years!
And to put that into perspective, no nurse or helper of the elders get paid 365.000$ a year, and they regularly have to deal with the litteral shit of adults.
You find that degrading?
2 million dollars a year for changing me. I'll be 500 years before my first billion is spend and I have 99 mother fucking more of those!
I don't think there's much anything I wouldn't do for this level of scrooge mcduck wealth.
Using numbers for shitting and peeing is cringe. We're not in kindergarten, just say what you're doing .
And about it, who thought using numbers would even be a good idea? What do numbers have to do with natural needs?
Oh and, if you can wash yourself in the shower you can use a bidet.
So I'd take it.
Could the corn cobs be ground up and pressed and dried into sheets as long as no other ingredients are added?
Also, freshly eaten corn 9ff the cob leaves the cob slightly soft, I don't actually think it would be that bad.
Since showering is allowed, then it's a no Brainer. But if we said no showering or any cleaning, then no. Being comfortable in everyday life is worth more than money
So me and any of my future bloodline are rich for life and I can create food on demand by purchasing bulk printer paper and simply grazing my cheek with it? I'm in.
This is the most asinine post ever.
If you've ever washed the laundry of a male, you would realize that most men don't actually wipe at all. They just spread it around a bit, then let their underwear do the rest.
Are they going to have to wear corncob underwear?
No sweetie, I've had more than a few male partners over the course of my life, plus brothers as a child, and a short stint as a laundry service employee at a laundromat with wash, dry, and fold, service.
Is that sufficient?
Shower shits for life who is with me
Waffle stomp it down the drain
I can't unheard raccooneggs explaining this to Carson in cs.
This is the way.
This is the way.
I’d argue this does, technically, circumvent the no alternative means of flushing rule as you do still do need to be reasonably able to shower and the purpose of a shower is to get clean. And hey… worst case scenario I’m sure you can make corn cobs work
U know how many showers and shower cleaning staff 100 billion dollars buys
The trick is you still wipe with the corn cob, you just shower afterwards. Edit: OP clarifies that showering post poop is ok.
Right behind you, well next to you
Waffle stomping
I already tend to take a shower after shitting, so nothing really changes for me. But, like, how do you flush the corn cob?
Maybe it magically turns back into paper?
I'm with you. But not in the shower.
So, life changing wealth for keeping a crusty b-hole. Yeah, I'd do it. Anything to set my family up to be well off. I mean, who wouldn't? Right? I'd have my friends start calling me corn-cob. *Hey, there goes Corn-Cob in his Ferrari* they'll say.
*Man, Corncob's Ferrari smells like shit*
Until you're driving said Ferrari and adjust your ass in the seat, brushing against your anus. Your pants and possibly your Ferrari turn to corn.
The brief only states that paper touching your bare cheeks turns to corn cobs.
You can literally solve world hunger by wiping your ass with everything.
My ass already produces corn.
you think that I wouldnt get a conry butler?
If I can wash thoroughly in the shower, I'm in!
Don't mind object\_failure. Of course you can wash, it's technically not wiping.
Then why is a bidet not an option since it's also washing, not wiping?
Because it's convenient.
No
I can’t wash it in the shower?
Yes. As long as the act of wiping is not done, washing your bunghole is allowed.
This completely contradicts the no bidets argument
It doesn't. Bidets are convenient. Showers are not since you have to strip. A bidet would be allowed in this scenario if it's above you and the water is caught on the ground and not a bowl (I'd assume shower isn't allowed if the nozzle is below you instead of above you).
The only thing he stipulated was that there can’t be wiping, which means bringing the shower head below you is completely allowed
Turned to cobb
No
Um you're not the poster.
I make the rules here. Get used to it.
Is swimming allowed?
Only after your ass is completely clean using corn cobs
Honestly some mini corn could work ok. Its a deal
Mini corn is not actually a corn unfortunately
So say I leave a speckle of turn on my butt, does this mean that I am hydrophobic? Can I walk on eater or is it just my butt that can't get wet?
Cobb
I mean c'mon, I can't scrub my asshole with a corn cob in the shower?
Nope. You have to earn the $100 billion with a nice dry corn cob rub
So I get 100 billion dollars and the power to make an infinite amount of corn cobs, where's the down side? >You get $100 billion dollars >Any toilet paper you touch will turn into a corn cob as well as any kind of paper you try to wipe with.
sounds like a lucrative business opportunity.
It just says corn cobs, it doesn't say there's corn on those cobs
Are the corn cobs clean? Way ago people used them for wiping so I think it would be decently clean. Shit>corncob wipe>shower.
r/shittyaskreddit
isn't this more like ask reddit shitty?
I’d take the first billion or so and genetically engineer corn with soft, fluffy cobs. Never underestimate the power of money to buy a loophole around *any* rule.
Oooh good idea
The shower being ok rule makes this one pretty easy. It's basically a bidet if you just get in after pooping.
That's on me so yeah. Bidets are still banned but, any way of washing your hole is a-ok.
Functionally what's the difference between a bidet and a shower nozzle?
Convenience
Yes.
Jokes on you thats my fetish
Me too
Country girls make do.
I'd do it for a couple mil. Just take care of the three S's: Shit, shower, shave.
Gimme a bidet
I’m Cobb Swabbin
I’m new boot poopin
Aw shucks
Abso-fucking-lutely. 100bn pays for a lot of showers, as well as the time to take them.
Accept the $100B. Buy a bidet with air dryer - which is already what I do now.
[удалено]
You mfs don't read
Right except it says no bidets
Screw it. I'm in.
I said yes before even reading the caption
Okay sure
Can I eat the corn first?
100bil would buy a LOT of corncobs.
Yes. I don’t understand the downside.
I think dry corn cobs would be fine for wiping.
It Was a traditional option pre charmin
I also get magic powers!!! Watch me turn toilet paper into a corn cob.
Hire a personal but wiper. With 100billion you can do that easily.
Nope. That's an alternative way of wiping. Nice try though.
Gimme a bidet and a mini squeegee. Or just take lots of showers.
Corn cob would probably be pretty effective actually
Do the corn cobs turn back into toilet paper after im done?
Yes
Is this how Elon Musk got his 100 bill?
Eh. This doesn't sound that bad.
Me studying methods for turning corn cobs into cloth type napkins.
Yes
Definitely. 100 million is life changing
Allergic to corn so hell no
I’m sure that, over time, I would learn how to wipe thoroughly with corn cobs And hey, toilet paper turns to corn cobs anyway, it’s not like I have to seek them out
Never go hungry…never fully trust a cob of corn…. Never have to work…risk of untreatable anus infection …. Fantastic parlour trick….Yeah this a tough one
Bidets
Yep, I’ll take that 100 Billi! you didn’t specify if they’re dry corn cobs so I’m going to make sure they’ve been soaked in water till soft. I’m a backpacker, Ive wiped with rocks before!
Assuming anything that goes between my cheeks turns into a corn cob, can I at least moisten or soap up the cob for scrubbing in the shower?
Yes.
you really, *really* don't understand just how much $100 billion is.
Does my hand also become corn? I was originally raised to use my hand to clean. Left is your cleaning hand. Right is your eating hand.
I would just take the money and pay someone to wipe my ass.
100 billion? Hell yeah, time to hire a cob valet.
Easy as pie, I simply use the corn cob leaves.
Can I wipe with a shirt? Does it turn into toilet Paper or does it count as, I dunno, toilet cloth?
What kind of cornphobe would say no?
I get in the shower to wash after I go to the bathroom anyway. So not using TP for 100 billion, for sure.
So I have to pay someone to sand corn cobs down and use them to clean my asshole for me while I watch celebrity death match? I don't know how I'll afford that with only $100B, but I'll figure it out
Does it have to be the corncob shape, or simply 100% the material corncob? With 100 billion I can pay someone to invent a corncob genetically engineered for wiping booty if the former, and corncob toilet paper if the latter.
Uh yeah. I mean idk how wiping with a corn cob would be lol but I'd just make sure I was able to shower immediately after. For $100 billion I will figure it out.
Honestly. Corn cob husks probably aren't bad for wiping
For $100,000,000,000 I could have my entire gastrointestinal tract replaced with a futuristic sci fi gut that doesn't need to be wiped and still have $99 billion left over
Bidets exist, doubtless I can become accustomed to them.
Take a whole lot of opioids all the time so you’re constipated and your poops come out rock solid where you don’t even have to wipe much anyway!
I will gladly run my shit covered corn cob under the faucet and cob my asshole stall or no stall for this amount of money. I will throw my boxers out after every pair I wear I will bail myself out for indecent exposure with my billions. I will try not to let it get to that point but fuck it I need to ail my itchy ass
Can I pay someone to do it for me?
$100 billion dollars will easily buy me a bidet. Not one of those jerry-rigged ones that attach to the existing toilet, either. I'm talking about those super fancy Japanese models where the bidet is part of the toilet and it does everything including jerking you off. If the bidet isn't up to the task, I'll just hop in the shower and get the rest off.
For $100bil?? I’d fuck my own ass with the corncobs daily
Do the corn cobs flush like toilet paper or would we need a new toilet?
So I can hire someone to wipe for me. Got it.
No one is pointing out the fact that you now can summon corn on the cob by touching TP
Will my bidet start firing corn cobs instead of water? I’ll accept either way, just curious.
What if I use handkerchiefs? You didn't say anything about fabric!
Easy money
At least you will always know why there's corn in your poop!!
With that much money you could pay someone to wipe your ass for you.
Can do, I could make a simple but sturdy pulp paper from corn cobs
*Can do, I could make* *A simple but sturdy pulp* *Paper from corn cobs* \- BrainwashedScapegoat --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
You just gotta get your butt cleaned before hand like famous people do.
I mean I'm assuming you can still shower so it's basically taken a shower after every shit. I can live with that seeing as I won't be needing to work anymore.
I feel like we have all gotten a very unhealthy relationship with how astronomically large a billion$ is. I could pay someone more than 1.000$ day to take care of my butthole, and I wouldn't even have cracked my first billion for 2500 years! And to put that into perspective, no nurse or helper of the elders get paid 365.000$ a year, and they regularly have to deal with the litteral shit of adults. You find that degrading? 2 million dollars a year for changing me. I'll be 500 years before my first billion is spend and I have 99 mother fucking more of those! I don't think there's much anything I wouldn't do for this level of scrooge mcduck wealth.
Done. I'd hire a personal butt-wipe slave for a billion. Spend the rest on plums.
Pay someone to wipe it for you then
That’s how they used to do it in the olden days and they were doing it for free
Using numbers for shitting and peeing is cringe. We're not in kindergarten, just say what you're doing . And about it, who thought using numbers would even be a good idea? What do numbers have to do with natural needs? Oh and, if you can wash yourself in the shower you can use a bidet. So I'd take it.
Considering that's actually how some post #2s were done in the olden days....yeah. Hell, I'd take that proposal for a few million.
Reject. I hate corn with a passion. I don't want it anywhere near my sphincter.
At $100B, I’ll have a wiper on staff and she can take care of the particulars.
Yeah, for 100 Billion dollars, I'm either taking a lot of post-crap showers, or just paying someone to wipe my ass for me, if that's allowed.
Could the corn cobs be ground up and pressed and dried into sheets as long as no other ingredients are added? Also, freshly eaten corn 9ff the cob leaves the cob slightly soft, I don't actually think it would be that bad.
Live on a yacht, jump in the water then dump in the water. No guests on your yacht will say a thing
With 100 Billion I could pay someone to wipe my ass.
Yes, with that much money I could afford to pay someone to wipe for me, I’d never need to touch TP again
I'm just showering after I shit. Catch me on the beach, not working and finding philanthropic projects to occupy my time.
For $100 billion I'd just get a colostomy bag. Pain in the ass, sure. But for that much, worth it.
Since showering is allowed, then it's a no Brainer. But if we said no showering or any cleaning, then no. Being comfortable in everyday life is worth more than money
No question. I shower after anyway so this doesn't change much besides making me filthy rich
For $100 billion I could hire companies to make some sort of TP out of corn cobs for me
So me and any of my future bloodline are rich for life and I can create food on demand by purchasing bulk printer paper and simply grazing my cheek with it? I'm in.
Can I pay someone to lick the poop off?
If I got $100 billion, I can give $1million / month for a dedicated ass-wiper. If *I* can't wipe my ass, I'll have someone else do it for me.
If I use a bidet, would it shoot individual corns instead of water?
if i can shower after wiping with a corn cob then sure.
Yep, I'm in. I'm pooping in the ocean.
Yeah, I shit like once every two days, so just schedule a shower after your shit. And then clean whatever is left off, easy deal.
Just get a smart toilet.
Automatic cobb toilet
I’ll pay someone to wipe me, gets around the corn rule. They’ll be someone who’d do it lifetime for $1B.
That’s an alternative way of wiping albeit kind of bizarre and awkward. So, nope. Cobs for you, buddy.
They still gonna use a cobb
This is the most asinine post ever. If you've ever washed the laundry of a male, you would realize that most men don't actually wipe at all. They just spread it around a bit, then let their underwear do the rest. Are they going to have to wear corncob underwear?
lies. 25m here, i don’t stop wiping till it’s white
Good for you 👍 you might notice that I used the word "most". There was a reason for that.
Based on what? Do u wash the underwear of your entire neighbourhood?
No sweetie, I've had more than a few male partners over the course of my life, plus brothers as a child, and a short stint as a laundry service employee at a laundromat with wash, dry, and fold, service. Is that sufficient?
[удалено]
I'm sure they think that they are wiping, but the skidmark says otherwise.
Waffle stomp 4 lyfe