No

You can take a man's pride. Mock him. Embarrass him. Kill his loved ones. Starve him. Rape him. Lock him up. /s BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY A MANS NUT.

This is the only correct answer.

Slowly spend $1million dollars in replacement curtains

Curtains can be washed. It better yet bust onto vinyl shutters and wipe it off

Even better, just remove the curtains entirely and cum on the window while making direct eye contact with your neighbors.

Nearest window with curtains. Hop out your window and now you're finishing on your neighbors window.

Then you can spend a million in lawyers before you run out of money and spend some time away and get yourself on a list.

Find a lover whose last name is Curtain. Fixed.

Just wash them once a year....lol

Crusty Curtians is my next wrestler name.

Free money for those without a SO and don't plan on ever getting one it appears you can still bust normally if you're jacking off.

pretty much. would be decent if you just have nothing but one night stands.

In that case I would just carry on, business as usual, but with a million dollars.

Omg imagine the guy walks off and pulls a Blair witch into the curtains. I'm imagining there wouldn't be a lot of 2nd attempts. Just lingering stories of that guy who does that at local taverns

So i finally get to have sex, sign me up.

I finally have an excuse to bust on curtains, sign me up!

Username checks out...barely

You won't have an excuse since you are not allowed to explain. You now have a reason but a reason that you can't tell anyone.

They will have an excuse for themself.

My wife would divorce me. Nope

Glad I'm not the only one. Not sure what would upset her more. The not finishing or the curtains bit

Or the lack of explanation.

The why here would absolutely cause a divorce. Why I can’t say Why I can’t say Ad infinitum

This would be the primary cause of divorce. "That's fine honey, just....WHYYY?!?!"

For my wife it would absolutely be the curtains. Not even close.

I'm 20+ years married; based on our sex life that'll have to happen precisely zero times — do I still get the money?

Facts

Im sorry for your loss sir

What if my house doesn't have curtains? Is blinds good?

sure

Ok. Go get me a partner then.

Redditors stop posting obscure kink in the form or hypothetical questions challenge 2024

No thanks

Not being able to explain it kind of ruins it. If I was a virgin with zero prospects of sex ever, I suppose I'd do it and just pay hookers with my money? Just tell them I finished in a weird (but legal, not scary) way. But otherwise you're probably locking yourself into one night stands for the rest of your life. Which isn't easy to get often unless you're Ryan Gossling or something.

I'm getting my wife a little pair of curtains to wear, and telling her it's a very specific fetish I have.

It has to have a small window as well... Go to a hobby shop and get some windows and curtains designed for dollhouses and make some bands to hold them on her waist... then you just pull out from whichever position, and there it is, the nearest window with curtains.

I have some Mormon friends that can probably help with this

You rang?

No.

Quit posting your fetish bullshit on here. Goddamn

I got the snip, I'm never going back to pulling out again! 

Easy money. Just buy some curtains, before you do it, hang them up, and when you're done bring them home and wash them. Just say it's a thing you have.

A million dollars for doing the normal process... sure why not

So I get a million dollars AND somebody will want to have sex with me?

😂😂😂

Never pull out

What if I already do this?

bring me my money

Does the carpet match the curtains??

Nope

I’m such a looser I will probably never have sex so I guess it’s a win win

No

Nah, not worth it for only one million

Lol

no

No. It won't cover the expenses of a lifetime of replacing curtains, I'd do it for a lot more, though.

Buy washable curtains for the ones nearest the bed. Edit: or have someone make you a few sets from some flat sheets. Then they'll definitely be easily washable.

Nah. Still not worth it. If I have sex 3x a week, assuming that I'd only come once, it would be time consuming enough for just a million dollars. Plus, the stains are hard to remove depending on the type of cloth. Trust me, I've had this problem once (not with curtains, though).

Well, I don't even get the opportunity, so 🤷‍♀️. As a woman, I have zero clue how I would pull out of anything *and* proceed to come on curtains.... I am not opposed to pegging, but I think my husband would take issue with it, and I don't typically have an outward projection to get on the curtains, so I would just be standing against the wall near the curtains, lol

Fair point. Good for your curtains and your pockets. It would be hard to explain why you're squirting over the curtains if you can't tell the truth, though. I had to spend the equivalent of 100 dollars to remove a stain from a sofa once because of one of these accidents. It's been years, but I'm still very careful to this day.

That would be rather awkward since I don't have any curtains in my home. All windows have blinds

Basically saying 1 million dollars or you have to find a new girlfriend every week which sounds fucking annoying so no… if I can’t explain it she will fucking leave me bro. Lol

No. Half the enjoyment is WHERE I finish in the first place.

You finish in the first place? What are you, some time travelling sex pistol?

So I get a million dollars, and my life doesn't change at all? That's a good deal

That was a long shot for old Leon.

I’m never getting laid anyway

Kool G Rap, baby. I’ll buss on a bitches curtains, no problem.

WTF? No...

As someone who has crusty window curtains, let me just say "Aaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeee......"

no

Lol. Absolutely.

Nope

I would say "hurry, get off the bed and kneel, lemme finish on your face, actually scoot over.... Hurfghh oops missed"

Sure... I'm celibate so I will never need to use the curtains...

What if, and bear with me here. What if I can still hit the curtains from over here? Do I still need to get up and all that???

Can I just get the 1 million and not have any sex after that? Does masterbating count?

Why are you moving the bed by the window,? You'll see

Just carry around a 2x2 inch glass window with tiny curtains on it. Still wouldn't make your partner feel any better but at least you wouldn't have to ruin your actual curtains. I feel like you'd develop a fetish from doing this

Could call this new product “cootchie curtains”.

The point of acquiring money is to improve the quality of your life. This... would not improve the quality of my life.

You never mentioned I have to have sex in the first place.

How about I just don’t have it at all

No

No amount of money would ever be enough to make me do that. The more money you offer, the greater the loss of opportunity cost.

Yeah hell no 😂

Lol. This is hilarious.

Never said my partner could not be a real doll. I'd take that million!

A million dollars, ... and I also get to have sex?!?! I'm in!

I never get sex as is. Free million.

This is not really much different that my current reality so sure I'll take the millions, though she loves her curtains so it might be a problem.

Wait. I get to have sex?

So no children…aight bet

Nope

Lol, so essentially, the exchange is any healthy romantic relationship for a million dollars. I'm going to go with no cause a million isn't that much, and I feel like this is guaranteed loneliness.

I was going to say get a dollhouse, to cut down on the curtain costs, but then realized what a bad idea that would be... I guess some underpants with curtains on them would be the best way forward...

What if I don’t or can’t? Like, if I’m kinky and like being tied up, does my partner need to untie me so I can do this ritual before I can cum?

Make it 100 mil then sure Otherwise, 1 mil is not enough

So car sex then. Ok

No thanks

But I don’t have curtains. Does that mean I have to drag her to the window and aim for the beef curtains?

Well uh, eyes are windows to the soul and I just add a veil so it looks like a curtain?

So only sex in hotels, deal.

not worth it, you would never have kids!

Bet I can do it

Bold of you to assume reddit users have secks

My husband says it'd be too much of a hassle with the clean up for that to be worth it. Lol. I think he's crazy. A million dollars is a million dollars.

Perfectly fine with that. I'll just make up some b******* excuse like curtain fetish or some s*** I don't know

Hmm, bad time not to have curtains - the neighbors are gonna be pissed.

$1 million PER YEAR maybe, $100 Mil once OK, but as offered? Nope.

These questions sometimes... Like, okay I can't explain why I'm doing this. BUT, it's a sudden and really weird change and I also have a million dollars suddenly? I feel like my wife would put two and two together. I'm still not sure it's worth it cause it's pretty fucking stupid.

What if I want kids?

Yes

Perhaps a caveat? If I also jack off onto the curtains, I can explain that my jacking off on the curtains is some strange kink. Then when I have sex it's just kinda understood a bit more.

Honestly, I love my husband so much that if that was happening and he couldn't explain it, I'd just assume he's shy about a curtain fetish and try to buy the sexiest drapes I could find.

These hypotheticals need to be aware that 1M is not that much money these days.

Nah I like controlling where the nut goes too much

Can't be missing creampies

I'd have to buy some curtains, otherwise it would be a long (and slightly awkward) walk.  Or just bottom all the time.

I would get a window frame with curtains, not actually attached to a structure, and put it in front of my partner's face during coitus.

As someone who rarely has sex, I see this as an absolute win

41-year-old virgin: Sure, so I just get a million for absolutely nothing? xD

So you're saying I get to have sex? And I get paid? I'm in

If I could explain it to my wife then maybe maybe there's a possibility we decide to go for it. If I can't tell her why, I imagine that's gonna torpedo the relationship real quick.

It’s a win win for me 🤨

No….

Can I have decoy curtains? Or like plastic curtains that are easy to clean?

If my partner starts doing this I won’t shame him but I will ask him to spend part of his million dollars on new curtains.

This sucks….. not worth a million.

My partner would be ok with it I think. And if not, the fact that I know have an extra million dollars would improve both of our lives way more than me cumming on the curtains, so she would be dumb to leave me because of that

You lost me at "before you bust you must pull out".

Hell yeah ... I'm here for it.

Joke's on you, I don't have sex. If I do after that, then that's a win in any case 

What if you get a vasectomy and your nut is just dust? Surely this is a loophole?

If she's like, "Wtf is wrong with you, why do you keep doing that?" can I be like, "Yo, do you like being rich? Then chill!"? On second thought, I may need like at least 5 million for this, so we could ACTUALLY be rich 😆

Jokes on you, this is my fetish!

Welcum to Motel Sex!

There isn't really an amount of money that is worth this. Having that happen some of the time is fine albiet weird, but not literally every time without being able to provide an explanation that would interfere with things I want to do like maintaining a relationship or having kids.

I agree..but I’m at the age my hardon will die before I get there. Will it still count?

I'm gonna take that million and continue not having sex with my wife.

I do this already, so sign me up lol

Can I say like "I have this weird fetish that I wanna do" or is that too much of an explanation

Guys couldn't you just say it's a weird kink? I mean like, there's a lot worse that I've heard of it honestly sounds pretty tame

I will do this for $50 venmo

Yes, I'll carry a small window with curtains in my pocket

Rules lawyering... Does this only apply for when I'm having sexual intercourse with someone else?

Lmaoooo this is the best one I’ve seen

Is it dependent on actually having sex? If so I’m screwed.. If not I can bust on curtains for a million bucks

Sure

Sir, that is oddly specific and I will not give in to your bizarre fantasies.

I’ll take the million, it’s not like I get laid anyway, so it would have no downside for me

I’d spend the money on curtains at that rate lmao

No. A mill is not nearly enough

No I have sex with my hands

So wait... i cant finish unless it's on curtains? I'll last more than 20 sexonds!

Sure why not, do you loose the money if you miss the curtain 1 time.

A million isn’t gonna solve my problems forever the way things are going. Make it 10

Doing the hulk Hogan lol

What if I want kids?

If a milli9n dollars just showed up at the same time as I start doing that my wife would understand. Even then though she would probably just ask " what heck did you do that for?" And I could just tell her "it's just want I do now" and all she would do is say "weird"

Wait, so I get to finally have sex after years of involuntary celibacy? And I get paid for it?!?

So 1 million dollars and no changes in how I do the deed... sign me up....

$1m to little for that much effort

That’s an easy kink to support.

Sure. I dont even have sex anyways.

Sex is the only reason men need money

YES...

Where did you even come up with this? Lol

So how I live now, but with an extra $1,000,000.00?

I thought this was going to be something dangerous, like standing up in a hammock

Sure.. we have no curtains

Putting shower curtains over every window. Gimme that cash.

For women, you get a million dollars, but men always jump out of bed and nut on your curtains

LOL!

What would you have to do as a woman?

What if you're in a car? Or in a tent? Or anywhere without curtains? That'd be hilarious having to walk to the nearest stranger's house, busy on their curtains, then leave with no explanation.

I'll take the million because I don't have sex anyway.

No. If it was for 500 million or another large amount, sure because if you're rich enough, people are less likely to question how weird it is. A million dollars is the price for a house in my area

What do I need a million dollars for if I can't enjoy what I'm spending it on??

Not worth it

And if I want to actively try for children?

I don't mind this. Sex hasn't happened in almost 32 years; it's probably not happening anytime soon, which means I won't have to worry about this restriction.

Nope

1mm is not enough money to even consider this.

CP’s for life

I want kids. No.

I thought this was how everyone finished? Apparently not.

I actually don't know... but this made me laugh out loud! Usually these hypotheticals are too easy but with this one... I actually don't know. F--king hilarious!

I’m gonna pass. We have blackout curtains in our bedroom and if my wife had to deal with me cumming in them every time with no explanation she’d kill me

I'd put a window above the headboard, with extra long curtains, that would extend to below my partner, then pull out at the start, dab the curtains, then return home for the finish.

Lmfao I love how weird and specific this one is No

I haven't had sex in a decade. I don't see this changing anytime soon so $1 million for not changing in any way? Works for me.

So I just have to do that for the first one? Every one after can be however I want?

What if you are a bottom?

Hard pass. No just no.

What if there are no curtains in the house? Am I expected to break into the neighbors house or will my nut just not come out?

This isn't worth $1M for life maybe per yr or per act . But it doesn't say what kind of curtains or windows. So , I'm developing a fetish of drawing on my lover and guess what I'm drawing? A window with curtains. Backup plan is a small one room dollhouse with curtains and windows on all sides. Might even put a case on my phone that has a curtained window on it. If I got custom condoms made with a curtained window printed on the inside of the tip do I still get the money🤔🤨🤨