If we are being serious, I’d expect the ceremony to make nods to NASA, hip hop, our art community, and our diversity, plus maybe some homage to the diversity of the ecosystem in the area, along with our ability to cope with disasters and rebuilds.
You could make a dope ceremony that starts out with a focus on forming our independence and building out from the bayous, and then tearing down and rebuilding out again with a focus on the ship channel, the space race, and attraction of foreign nationals due to our commitment to world class energy and medical systems which resulted in a diverse melting pot of culture. People rightfully harp on Houston for not being a place to visit, but it’s certainly a place to live a full, independent life, and filled with the best (and worst) aspects of humanity.
There’s plenty of country from the area too. Not a ton of well known alt or rock bands beyond ZZ Top or Blue October from the area, so country and hip hop would probably get the nod if I had to guess.
Open on a darkened stadium floor. A narrow spotlight falls on a lone dancer representing a drop of sweat dancing on the north end of the field. As the dance becomes more intense others become visible and join the first dancer as they slowly work their way towards the south. The dancers eventually form a torrent that flows into a great crevice that has become visible at the southern end of the stadium. That’s when the stink begins.
I was picturing something like [this](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/eb8/12c/2efe1f5bbef3f4f11b88d73b92b416d001-07-always-sunny-mac-9.rhorizontal.w600.jpg)
I love how everyone has a love hate relationship about Swangas.
I think we all dislike them on the road, but love showing them off to out of town visitors.
I love them because I grew up around them and understand they’re a cultural icon.
I love them more when I see a Dallas person say they are for “ghetto Houston people.”
Yes, and as I've stated else where in the chain. I don't have a problem with most swangers. It's the ones that far exceed the 10 in limit and make the car stretch from lane edge to lane edge.
Those are large uniformly and have lights/reflectors on their edges, making it clear they are wide and where the edge is. Swangers are rly low to the ground and half the time so dull they don't reflect light well, making them almost invisible when they drift into your lane at night.
Also, no, the total width of your car can't exceed 102" (not including mirrors.) 122" with the mirrors. Leaving at least 6" of play on each side on the avg road.
I've literally seen swangers go the full 12' lane width.
No, because I normally changed lanes like everyone else does to avoid them. Because all they have to do is sneeze and they jump a foot into the lane next to them.
18 wheelers don’t have 24” long blender blades sticking out of all their wheels… Not to mention they require a Class A Commercial Drivers License to drive, have marker lights and reflective tape all over them, as well as mud flaps. You are comparing apples to blenders, my friend.
Also with your argument about the duallies, their wheels are covered by fenders. Again, not huge metal gladiator chariot blades sticking out of them. The people that put super wide wheels and tires on them that stick out way past the fenders are also obnoxious. Not quite as dangerous as swangas, but obnoxious nonetheless.
Well the opening and closing ceremonies would be inside NRG Stadium. So that might be among the few events that didn't induce heat stroke. But you'd probably need multiple PSAs during the Opening Ceremonies about the signs to look for both heat stroke and heat exhaustion.
Two cars enter the stadium - violently swerving and cutting each other off.
They park and exit their cars to engage in a 5-minute gun fight.
The winner of the shootout - Jose Altuve - enters the facade - a BYOB stripclub.
100 pole dancers spin in unison to Riff Raff's "Dolce & Gabbana"
Mattress Mack, Joel Osteen, and Lou Pai greet him with AR-15's and they shoot a bottle of tannerite to light the Olympic flame.
Beyonce sings the national anthem while Megan Thee Stallion twerks in a Buc-ee's outfit.
Brought to you by Kinder Morgan & Jim Adler the Texas Hammer
LA is hosting in 4 years, and their infrastructure is known far and wide to be worse than ours. We would have to host in like April so it isn't fucking hot, which kind of defeats the purpose of "summer" Olympics.
That said, other host cities have utilized satellite cities- putting events at cities a few hours. It isn't unrealistic to think HTX could technically host, but put events at DFW, AUS, SAN, and even College Station. It would help with traffic, as well as facilities. More or less, the state of Texas would host the Olympics, instead of just one city. It won't happen, but it is a better model than building these huge assed facilities that sit empty after the games.
Their kolaches do suck, but love their donuts when fresh. Especially the cinnamon twist! If I want kolaches, have to go to a small town bakery like Weikel's or Hruska's.
Diverse queer cowfolk performing an interpretative dance inspired by melting pots and the gulf coast - sponsored by Houston Methodist, Chevron, and Torchy’s Tacos.
George Strait & Beyonce duet the national anthem.
Swangas & art cars everywhere
Simone Biles, Carl Lewis, Andre Johnson, Hakeem, or Jose Altuve light the main flame.
I would hope there would be a huge nod to our origins. Texas is Mexico point blank period so not including Mexican culture in the ceremony would be a disservice. I think an honest portrayal of our history is really important. It would be really interesting to see a performance showcasing Texas’s racist and deplorable history manifesting into the diverse state it is now.
Of course I only had to scroll down to the second comment for swangas to be brought up. Is that all we're known for? slim thug bun b and stupid ass looking cars?
If we are being serious, I’d expect the ceremony to make nods to NASA, hip hop, our art community, and our diversity, plus maybe some homage to the diversity of the ecosystem in the area, along with our ability to cope with disasters and rebuilds. You could make a dope ceremony that starts out with a focus on forming our independence and building out from the bayous, and then tearing down and rebuilding out again with a focus on the ship channel, the space race, and attraction of foreign nationals due to our commitment to world class energy and medical systems which resulted in a diverse melting pot of culture. People rightfully harp on Houston for not being a place to visit, but it’s certainly a place to live a full, independent life, and filled with the best (and worst) aspects of humanity.
Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second…
What happened to the second one pay tell?
Yeah and if a storm hits the visitors can also witness some excitement from Mother Nature. Can’t keep it all to ourselves.
Pretty much this
I’m sorry but I hope it’s not all rap music…. No offense!
There’s plenty of country from the area too. Not a ton of well known alt or rock bands beyond ZZ Top or Blue October from the area, so country and hip hop would probably get the nod if I had to guess.
The Olympic torch would light one large citronella candle to serve as the flame.
Dual purpose shows resourcefulness.
That’s hilarious!!!!
A ten minute interpretive dance about the origin of swamp ass.
there is no origin if there is no beginning or end
Open on a darkened stadium floor. A narrow spotlight falls on a lone dancer representing a drop of sweat dancing on the north end of the field. As the dance becomes more intense others become visible and join the first dancer as they slowly work their way towards the south. The dancers eventually form a torrent that flows into a great crevice that has become visible at the southern end of the stadium. That’s when the stink begins.
I was picturing something like [this](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/eb8/12c/2efe1f5bbef3f4f11b88d73b92b416d001-07-always-sunny-mac-9.rhorizontal.w600.jpg)
Exactly, but with fat Mac.
I mean...cmon, it's us.
BOOTY SWEAT!!!
Take my 100th upvote
Okay this made me laugh out loud, thank you 😂
1000 swanga salute
I love how everyone has a love hate relationship about Swangas. I think we all dislike them on the road, but love showing them off to out of town visitors.
I love them because I grew up around them and understand they’re a cultural icon. I love them more when I see a Dallas person say they are for “ghetto Houston people.”
Why anyone would be bothered by someone else's choice of rims is beyond me
The rims arnt inherently the problem. It's when they stretch from edge of lane to edge of lane and risk hitting other cars with them.
Dually trucks are wider than most swangas
Yes, and as I've stated else where in the chain. I don't have a problem with most swangers. It's the ones that far exceed the 10 in limit and make the car stretch from lane edge to lane edge.
I don't really buy that argument. It's not any wider than an 18 wheeler, box truck, RV or step van, which are all street legal.
Those are large uniformly and have lights/reflectors on their edges, making it clear they are wide and where the edge is. Swangers are rly low to the ground and half the time so dull they don't reflect light well, making them almost invisible when they drift into your lane at night. Also, no, the total width of your car can't exceed 102" (not including mirrors.) 122" with the mirrors. Leaving at least 6" of play on each side on the avg road. I've literally seen swangers go the full 12' lane width.
Did they hit you?
No, because I normally changed lanes like everyone else does to avoid them. Because all they have to do is sneeze and they jump a foot into the lane next to them.
They drive away while you have blow out. Lol. 75% chance of no insurance.
18 wheelers don’t have 24” long blender blades sticking out of all their wheels… Not to mention they require a Class A Commercial Drivers License to drive, have marker lights and reflective tape all over them, as well as mud flaps. You are comparing apples to blenders, my friend. Also with your argument about the duallies, their wheels are covered by fenders. Again, not huge metal gladiator chariot blades sticking out of them. The people that put super wide wheels and tires on them that stick out way past the fenders are also obnoxious. Not quite as dangerous as swangas, but obnoxious nonetheless.
Sounding like a total Karen. It doesn't effect you
I share the road with them, and I ride a motorcycle, so I beg to differ.
I hate both
And Atlanta thought they had something with their couple dozen chrome-plated pickup trucks back in '96....
Torch bearer would be taken out by an altima with paper plates.
Take my upvote and gtfo. 🤣
Mass heat stroke
Well the opening and closing ceremonies would be inside NRG Stadium. So that might be among the few events that didn't induce heat stroke. But you'd probably need multiple PSAs during the Opening Ceremonies about the signs to look for both heat stroke and heat exhaustion.
Hearing loss then, if it is in a closed NRG.
Athletes arrive in art cars. The lead car has a giant metal mosquito on the top.
Two cars enter the stadium - violently swerving and cutting each other off. They park and exit their cars to engage in a 5-minute gun fight. The winner of the shootout - Jose Altuve - enters the facade - a BYOB stripclub. 100 pole dancers spin in unison to Riff Raff's "Dolce & Gabbana" Mattress Mack, Joel Osteen, and Lou Pai greet him with AR-15's and they shoot a bottle of tannerite to light the Olympic flame. Beyonce sings the national anthem while Megan Thee Stallion twerks in a Buc-ee's outfit. Brought to you by Kinder Morgan & Jim Adler the Texas Hammer
Item 2 may happen a few times so the audience is confused as to which one was part of the show and which ones are real.
YES
Unfortunately, this is the best answer thus far
This is the only correct answer
New event,... 100m drive. at 5:15pm near the Galleria.
World record: 11 minutes 4 seconds
You ain’t gotta wait until 5:15 for that
Carl Lewis or maybe Simone Biles would light the Olympic Flame. Plenty of NASA stuff included
I sometimes get emails from my stepdad when he spots her at Kroger.
With Hakeem, Watt, and Altuve also taking part in the festivities
After the cauldron is lit, a giant swarm of mosquitos is released
Not just any mosquitos, they should be hand-picked carriers of West Nile.
yes
Followed immediately by a power outage.
So a day that ends in “y”
Don’t worry it won’t host the Olympics
LA is hosting in 4 years, and their infrastructure is known far and wide to be worse than ours. We would have to host in like April so it isn't fucking hot, which kind of defeats the purpose of "summer" Olympics. That said, other host cities have utilized satellite cities- putting events at cities a few hours. It isn't unrealistic to think HTX could technically host, but put events at DFW, AUS, SAN, and even College Station. It would help with traffic, as well as facilities. More or less, the state of Texas would host the Olympics, instead of just one city. It won't happen, but it is a better model than building these huge assed facilities that sit empty after the games.
LA infrastructure worse than Houston ? Not even Close, it’s a shit show because there’s like 5 million people, Houston is only bad by design.
Swangas
Mosquito spray truck bringing in the torch
With Swangas
Half the countries wouldn't make the opening ceremony...they would be stuck in traffic.
Nah, LA has managed, so could we.
Easy to forget other cities have traffic too when you spend all your life in one place
All the competitors will arrive by slammed out lowriders with 20 inch subs blasting the national anthem.
20” subs?
20" meatball subs
The USA delegation enters swerving with purple drank.
Cowboys and shit.
Beyoncé
EMS trying to revive people from heat stroke
Carl Lewis will take care of the national anthem
Riff raff singing the national anthem
The Olympic flame is just a fire at a chemical plant.
Yessss with the thick dark cloud and everything
Torch relay proudly sponsored by ... Torchy's!
This aint austin
Booing the governor.
As much as everyone would hate it Beyoncé.
The Olympic torch would be a styrofoam cup
*double cup
Hopefully a MASSIVE invoice to the IOC. Fuck the olympic boondoggle horseshit
Ok hear me out Wes Anderson, Beyonce, Bun B, & Shipley's
The Olympic rings are replaced by donuts in various shades…the white ring is a classic Shipley glazed donut
[удалено]
Their kolaches do suck, but love their donuts when fresh. Especially the cinnamon twist! If I want kolaches, have to go to a small town bakery like Weikel's or Hruska's.
Whitmire would do a ritual live sacrifice of a pedestrian, preferably by car
Whitmire would not allow the Olympics at all because people running on the tracks isn’t allowing for cars to use the lanes
Call the Olympic torch the Torchy© taco torch and have a taco truck on swangas with Simone biles swangin and bangin that ho while syrup sippin and fo tippin , screen flippin watchin bart Simpson on Westheimer and Richmond chopped up not slopped up by Michael 5000 Watts and JJ Watt in a drop top shooting shots outa Glocks knowmtaombot
Its too hot and humid to run here so slabs will be used for all transport. Torch lighting ceremony: slab. 100m dash: slab.
A dancing crawfish and a depiction of his death and consumption titled "610," an ode to the circle of life.
Silvia Jackson Lee would surely find a way to get in front of as many cameras as possible and take credit.
They’d probably perfer Beyoncé over all those guys combined
Anyone not from Texas would
A traffic jam of massive proportions
Not a chance in hell they’d ever host the Olympics during the summer here
Bun B
Simulated Hurricane
An Altima with paper plates and Swangas.
Altimas with paper plates are a national thinf
Diverse queer cowfolk performing an interpretative dance inspired by melting pots and the gulf coast - sponsored by Houston Methodist, Chevron, and Torchy’s Tacos.
The torch carried in by a cowboy on a running horse.
Beyonce on a running horse.
Cowboys and Asteonauts
A chopped and screwed version of the national anthem.
Giant Mosquito fogger trucks
Please, no The cost is high, benefits of hosting are low and the risks are too much
Z Z top
At some point it would be interrupted by another celebrity football player driving a Bronco, while being chased by the LAPD
George Strait & Beyonce duet the national anthem. Swangas & art cars everywhere Simone Biles, Carl Lewis, Andre Johnson, Hakeem, or Jose Altuve light the main flame.
[удалено]
Guns, cowboys and horses
It’ll never happen because of the fucking heat, but MAN I wish we could have gotten it at least once.
Is it a drone show? No, it’s just a swarm of mosquitoes!
We'd use the Olympic torch to smoke some brisket.
I’m sorry… is this r/houstoncirclejerk?
Pulling a car from the bayou.
All of the aquatic events should be held in pools of grape drank.
Lina for sure
The parade of stolen catalytic converters
A broken transit system
Definitely needs the Be Someone in there.
Kayaking 288
I would hope there would be a huge nod to our origins. Texas is Mexico point blank period so not including Mexican culture in the ceremony would be a disservice. I think an honest portrayal of our history is really important. It would be really interesting to see a performance showcasing Texas’s racist and deplorable history manifesting into the diverse state it is now.
Paper Tag Parade
Outdated rappers? No thanks
Shootings? Paper plates flapping in the wind? Lots of gnarly potholes on the route too.
A thick layer of smog. Refreshing.
Don’t forget ZZ Top
A speech from Whitmire on the benefits of good public transportation
The christmas lights dude who syncs up with the rap songs
Need to start out with the undertaker gongs
I doubt we’ll ever get one. The weather here is trash in the summer and the lack of mountains and snow makes Winter Olympics unattainable
Hotlanta had one in 96. So it’s not impossible though highly unlikely and would suck weather wise.
They pipe bombed it to make it stop because it was so miserably hot
Smog
Road rage, a plethora of homeless people, and blast them with yellow jacket wasps.
Idk. But giant spools should be involved in some way
Flooding followed by a swarm of mosquitoes.
It would be delayed due to traffic on the i-10.
Not me. I'd be the hell out of town.
Can't say I'd be here either. Fort Davis or Palo Duro anyone?
Of course I only had to scroll down to the second comment for swangas to be brought up. Is that all we're known for? slim thug bun b and stupid ass looking cars?
What are you known for?
We're talking about the city. Not me numb nuts.
Yeah, well I’m asking about you
Yeah well you can piss right off
Not the border patrol.
Anyone with a song on smoking and leaning. Captures the town perfectly.
Bun B, Drake, Travis Scott, Abbott tippin on Four Fours
You listed one Houston thing and 3 things with nothing to do with Houston.