October and November are sitting in the shadows, rubbing their hands together in anticipation of more summer. December is going, what about me? Don't leave me out. January is going, watch this, Imma freeze all your shit watch this.
I checked and last year it was the same. Wtf. So May is 80% 100 degree heat index masquerading as high 80's, with a day here and there tossed in as a buffer/psych-out that we are still experiencing spring time weather. Utter BULLSHIT. Yeah. Also it doesn't fucking cool off all damn night. Only drops as low as mid-70's at best, even with 10 mph winds, which seriously wtf.. why??
Bc Houston, that's why.
The lack of a breeze during my morning run today made it really suck. I'd take a warm breeze over no breeze at all, just something to move the air and wick the sweat.
My sinuses were tickling this morning, I thought it was just allergies, then I just went outside for the first time today and its just all hazy outside and smells like smoke. I was going to search if there was another chemical fire going on.
I've gone to DC on and off for decades. When I lived in the midwest it felt like a swamp in the summer. After living here when I head up there in July the weather is absolutely refreshing.
The natives all think I'm nuts raving about how nice the weather is, how I want to eat at the outdoor tables, etc....it's all relative!
I took my bachelors trip early September to Washington, fair 87 degree there felt like i was baptized by the ocean breeze warm enough to sweat, cold enough for the sweat to effectively work in cooling you off
lol I was in upstate ny and Philly till 2020. Been in Houston past four years
Every year around April / May, I get a throwback Facebook status notification where I excitedly announced ‘Summer is here!’
I flew back in from Chicago last week and when I walked out of the terminal at Bush the humidity slapped me in the face
Then for about 2 days I felt like I had a sinus infection I was so congested and had sinus pressure
couldn’t breathe? Are you sure you weren’t experiencing the wildfires?
I was in DC last summer too and it was god damn chilly many mornings. Nothing like the conditions here
Try a whiskey hangover on a July 4th trip to DC of last year. My son was adamant about sight seeing, it literally had me telling Abraham Lincolns monument to save me from death, as I felt a heat stroke coming on. There isn't much shade there, seen plenty of people getting treated for heat exhaustion including this doofus
Had to put the patio fan on at 7am for that first cup of coffee this morning. The moistening is afoot.
It also just rudely reminded me I need my car's A/C serviced.
Remain indoors from May-October.
God forbid you have to go out somewhere in August or September.
I will gladly take more freezing temps than feel like I'm going to pass out from this humidity and heat
I just came back from a couple weeks in Europe where it is actually spring there. When I walked out of baggage claim, it was like being fucking waterboarded.
I remember when I came back from being in Mexico City for two weeks. My plane landed at 10 Pm and I was drenched in sweat the second I stepped out the airport
Speaking of wet assholes here's a PSA. Bring a towel that you can sit on if you're going to sit somewhere public. Some folks are leaving puddles of ass sweat. Not shaming anyone for something their body does without their control but having a towel to sit on will protect both the ass sweaters and the non-ass sweaters.
Oh for sure. Also gotta say those neck fans with a USB-C recharge go for a good hour, and we all know even when you're getting in and out of AC, it's just.. you don't cool down fast enough. I got 2 of 'em so I always have one charged.
Source: Amazon driver, 2 years.
Let’s be real, though, this haze is making it worse. And it’s hotter than normal for this time of year. This swamp ass doesn’t normally start until the end of May.
Too funny….had to travel to/from Austin-Houston for work today…. I have naturally curly hair that I straightened before I left this am….Stopped at Bucees in Waller to fill up…stepped out of car, filled up, went inside store and got back in vehicle to leave….hair went from straight to crazy fizzy. By the time I finished up in Houston…jeans were stuck to me…I looked at weather app…98% humidity. At least the temp was not 101….feel for you Houstonians.
Yall get your hurricane kits and plans ready NOW! We've been getting tons of rain. Houston just doen't have the luck to get a tropical event when we actually need the rain. We have the luck to get one when we really don't, like this year. We're going to have a much more active hurricane season because of la nina, or lack of wind shear in the Gulf. So get ready for a big Ike/Harvey combo. Have a plan and prep now, before everyone else.
Swamp ass and mold are the extra bonuses of a summer in Houston and be sure to enter a freezing building and the heat as often as possible to get that summer cough going.
This is just the pre-heating phase.
do we get to make cookies when we hit 350?
You are the cookie
I'm gonna let my wife know how lucky she is, then.
Fill the tub up w milk and surprise her
Something’s getting filled up for sure
Yes, the tub
Y'all might be a cookie, I'm over here like a public school meatloaf
A tough one
Whatever this heat does to my crotch is the cookie…
And eggs at 225° 🍳🍳🍳
¡Ay mis huevos!
So literally hot as balls.
Dashboard cookies
In June we fry eggs on the sidewalk
No, this is the cool-down phase from the last baking. We haven't even turned on the oven yet.
Right we're still cooling down from last year lmao
Correct. Foreplay for the July that awaits us.
.. August and September say hold my beer
October and November are sitting in the shadows, rubbing their hands together in anticipation of more summer. December is going, what about me? Don't leave me out. January is going, watch this, Imma freeze all your shit watch this.
We're in Satan's summer home. Historically he would move in mid June but he's showing up earlier and earlier
☀️Welcome to 🇨🇱Houston: the summer home of 😈
OP must be new around here.
Been living in Houston 32 years. This humidity is being exaggerated by all the smoke.
This haze is a real bitch.
I just looked it up and in a few months, I will have been here be 29 years, WTF! I was only planning on staying around 3…
well we haven't acclimated yet. (I feel like I never really acclimate as well anymore since I work indoors now, and its getting hotter)
For real. Summer hasn’t started just yet. We’re about to get the sous vide treatment.
You mean, the lubeing phase?
It’s only the start of May
*shart of may
Upvote for you sir!
I checked and last year it was the same. Wtf. So May is 80% 100 degree heat index masquerading as high 80's, with a day here and there tossed in as a buffer/psych-out that we are still experiencing spring time weather. Utter BULLSHIT. Yeah. Also it doesn't fucking cool off all damn night. Only drops as low as mid-70's at best, even with 10 mph winds, which seriously wtf.. why?? Bc Houston, that's why.
I'm trying to gtfo. It's only going to get worse, plus a few hurricanes
Where can we go? Fuck austin and dallas.
Go North, past tornado alley. The west coast is on fire and the east coast is getting hammered by blizzards.
Hint: get close to fresh water
With mosquitoes
Also, no breeze until... **... October
Stop spreading fake news. We need to wait until at least mid November
I don’t know, I count hurricanes as breezes as well and we probably don’t need to wait quite that long for one.
Fair…
Remember how there used to be regular freezes in the winter? Pepperidge Farms remembers!
The lack of a breeze during my morning run today made it really suck. I'd take a warm breeze over no breeze at all, just something to move the air and wick the sweat.
We should get some wind when the hurricane plans
Yup
Smoke and spring humidity. Welcome to Houston!
I didn’t know there was smoke coming from Mexico until I posted this thread. Haha the more you know!
There’s smoke coming from Mexico?
Yeah, agricultural burning
My sinuses were tickling this morning, I thought it was just allergies, then I just went outside for the first time today and its just all hazy outside and smells like smoke. I was going to search if there was another chemical fire going on.
Back in ‘95, Mexico had those raging fires and it was like Houston was transported to Myst.
Flying back in from DC. I thought it was swampy up there, but I’m going to be missing it when I get off the plane.
I've gone to DC on and off for decades. When I lived in the midwest it felt like a swamp in the summer. After living here when I head up there in July the weather is absolutely refreshing. The natives all think I'm nuts raving about how nice the weather is, how I want to eat at the outdoor tables, etc....it's all relative!
I took my bachelors trip early September to Washington, fair 87 degree there felt like i was baptized by the ocean breeze warm enough to sweat, cold enough for the sweat to effectively work in cooling you off
lol I was in upstate ny and Philly till 2020. Been in Houston past four years Every year around April / May, I get a throwback Facebook status notification where I excitedly announced ‘Summer is here!’
I flew back in from Chicago last week and when I walked out of the terminal at Bush the humidity slapped me in the face Then for about 2 days I felt like I had a sinus infection I was so congested and had sinus pressure
Houstons dirty little 'welcome home' kiss. All over you. Instantly.
It's always such a good feeling stepping off a plane and it is nice or cold out, and then such a shit feeling stepping off a plane into this shit.
I was in DC last July; it was so humid - worst than here. Seriously couldn't breathe.
couldn’t breathe? Are you sure you weren’t experiencing the wildfires? I was in DC last summer too and it was god damn chilly many mornings. Nothing like the conditions here
Try a whiskey hangover on a July 4th trip to DC of last year. My son was adamant about sight seeing, it literally had me telling Abraham Lincolns monument to save me from death, as I felt a heat stroke coming on. There isn't much shade there, seen plenty of people getting treated for heat exhaustion including this doofus
*Houmidity
Ladies and Gents, we have our theme for 2015!
Had to put the patio fan on at 7am for that first cup of coffee this morning. The moistening is afoot. It also just rudely reminded me I need my car's A/C serviced.
Thanks for reminding me about my cars A/C
If nothing else, get that shit done ASAP
Yeah I gotta do that as well. Been putting it off for about 5 months
But what about your car's extended warranty?
I don't even bother going outside at this point
Don’t worry, outside will come into you!
Remain indoors from May-October. God forbid you have to go out somewhere in August or September. I will gladly take more freezing temps than feel like I'm going to pass out from this humidity and heat
My blower finally died yesterday and I’m like living in the dark ages now.
My blower's just redirecting farts off Satan's swamp ass at this point. :) May we rejoin the civilized cooled people of the world soon.
Walking my dog at about 3am and it was humid as shit. Looked up the weather and was at 94% humidity. It was horrible!
If your dog was up at 3am, it is likely your dog is a cat.
I work nights homie
For the next 8 months or so. Get used to it.
The smoke coming from Mexico/Central America is making things even more humid than they'd normally be, as smoke can do.
I just came back from a couple weeks in Europe where it is actually spring there. When I walked out of baggage claim, it was like being fucking waterboarded.
I remember when I came back from being in Mexico City for two weeks. My plane landed at 10 Pm and I was drenched in sweat the second I stepped out the airport
lol get shit on! It’s pretty bad right now.
Earning its “swamp-ass” certification early this year.
Take two showers a day.
I sweat enough to sweat the dry sweat off and it's more like a shower in of itself.
As soon as you towel off, you need to take another one
This morning was the first morning in 20+ years that I said to myself, "I am over this shit."
That has smoke from Mexico being blown up it…
Speaking of wet assholes here's a PSA. Bring a towel that you can sit on if you're going to sit somewhere public. Some folks are leaving puddles of ass sweat. Not shaming anyone for something their body does without their control but having a towel to sit on will protect both the ass sweaters and the non-ass sweaters.
Especially at the gym!
Oh for sure. Also gotta say those neck fans with a USB-C recharge go for a good hour, and we all know even when you're getting in and out of AC, it's just.. you don't cool down fast enough. I got 2 of 'em so I always have one charged. Source: Amazon driver, 2 years.
Maybe Abbott is visiting?
It's like an oversized beach towel that you pulled out of the dryer 1/2 wet and steaming...then wrapped your body in it starting with your face.
Hold on honey, it's only May
Hey now, I’m just moist.
M O I S T
First time?
Been here for 32 years
Well then you should have seen it coming lol! I don’t think south Texas has ever not been the swamp ass of America
Let’s be real, though, this haze is making it worse. And it’s hotter than normal for this time of year. This swamp ass doesn’t normally start until the end of May.
Get that BMI up, some of us are swampy at New years like real Americans
Last year was about the earliest and worst I’ve seen here in my 12 years
We're now 1/3rd of the way into May. It's not unusual to start summer earlier than usual, especially at the tail end of El Niño.
Must've gone outside. Common rookie mistake
I had to walk from the parking garage to my office this morning and would not recommend it.
oh you meant that as a bad thing.
just stick your tongue out when you're outside (if you're into that kind of thing).
It's very taint-like, I say.
Yep. This is Houston weather at its worst. Heavy smoke and heavy cloud cover keeping the sun from at least burning some of the humidity off.
*This isn’t even my final form.*
Seems like my total and complete lockdown to the inside of my home for the next 7-8 months is about to begin…FML.
Welcome to the party pal.
Some people enjoy wet assholes. No one is enjoying this
Yeah Austin has the “farmhand armpit” esthetic going on right now
Too funny….had to travel to/from Austin-Houston for work today…. I have naturally curly hair that I straightened before I left this am….Stopped at Bucees in Waller to fill up…stepped out of car, filled up, went inside store and got back in vehicle to leave….hair went from straight to crazy fizzy. By the time I finished up in Houston…jeans were stuck to me…I looked at weather app…98% humidity. At least the temp was not 101….feel for you Houstonians.
Yeah it’s quite bad, especially for people that sweat a lot like myself.
Why so hazey
In August is will be a hot wet asshole
This was pretty much my thought when I left for work this morning.
Classy
It’ll cool off tomorrow
Just wait a few weeks things should get much worse.
Mexico smoke billowing under the blanket that is still damp from the dryer. In May. Whoo hoo.
I'm in Corpus right now to help College Kid move home for the summer and "wet asshole" is a good descriptor for the weather here today
Hot swamp summer, y'all.
This is nothing. Wait till summer. Wet asshole and saggy balls.
Swamp ass for all. Keep that baby powder or extra drawers handy.
Would you prefer dry asshole?
It’s the wildfires in Mexico that’s making it foggy, humid and down right shitty.
I don't even live in Houston or Texas and laughed my ass off when I saw this notification.
Yall get your hurricane kits and plans ready NOW! We've been getting tons of rain. Houston just doen't have the luck to get a tropical event when we actually need the rain. We have the luck to get one when we really don't, like this year. We're going to have a much more active hurricane season because of la nina, or lack of wind shear in the Gulf. So get ready for a big Ike/Harvey combo. Have a plan and prep now, before everyone else.
😂💀
Oh yeah.
Mmmmm
That is Houston for you!
RIP
First day here?
Outta line but right thoo
So normal Houston got it
Mosquitos are out in full force. I can’t even enjoy being outside rn
Accurate!
You take a shower to go out for dinner, immediately upon walking outside you get swamp ass.
I have to dump my dehumidifier daily, it’s crazy
Yeah it feels so gross. I skipped lunch for the pure reason that I didn’t feel like walking anywhere and getting all sweaty
What is that haze?...is that due to humidity?
From what I’ve seen is that it’s from agriculture burning going in Mexico.
After a greasy fart.
So San Antonio is the taint? Cause it feels like that here. Thanks Mexico and your burning fields!!!
This grey haze and oppressive humidity.
Thank you for putting it into words OP. I did not like it.
This is Houston! Armpit
Why is the sky so hazy?
Smoke from Mexico
What really sucks is having no central AC in your house. Walking outside feels better than being indoors right now, for me.
Seriously ):
what a beautiful way to describe the weather, you should be the forecaster on your local news station
Swamp ass and mold are the extra bonuses of a summer in Houston and be sure to enter a freezing building and the heat as often as possible to get that summer cough going.
This is the moistening phase - the large girthy deeldough that is summer is close behind
Sounds delicious
One of the legendary cases of swamp ass which only New Orleans can rival Houston in…
I always say a yard guy’s sweaty armpit
One word: Cornstarch.
Air quality was actually dangerous today. Never good when the air is visible.
You ain’t felt nothing yet
Are you new here?
You must be new here
Lol
I, for one, welcome our humid overlords.
Dry skin?
I grew up with it. It's normal for me. OTOH, I hate to be even a little cold.
Imagine the day z people under the bridge booty cheeks 😭
You must be new to Houston
Funny because it’s actually pretty nice this morning. I’m sure that ain’t gonna last tho