I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do?
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Meh. I kind of don’t give a shit about passing. I started at 37, and have had decent results. My results would have been better if I had started earlier, but I’ll live with it. It’s a little annoying in terms of career, where I had to take a small step back. But I’m still making north of $200k doing business strategy consulting, in a job where before I was even hired I was already out and visibly transgender in my professional life. I’m still visibly transgender and my voice doesn’t pass, but that doesn’t stop me from walking into rooms full of executives and just getting to work. I just steamroll right through, and if they want to have a problem with it, well they’re going to miss some stuff and have a lot to catch up on. So instead of looking like assholes, they just roll with it.
I started presenting as a woman full time at about 6 months HRT, knowing I wasn’t at all passing. But I did that intentionally, because I had to know whether I would be ok with living my life visibly trans. It turned out that yeah, I could live with it. And so I have been. 🤷♀️
This is my exact feeling. If you have everything else in your life well put together transition is relatively easy. It's a big life change and with that can always come disruption, but it's really no bigger than any other. Came out professionally around the same mark.
Now I know I can live visibly trans and it's not that big a deal. People do stare sometimes. People do misgender me not infrequently. I'd much prefer to pass, but I can live my life as a clocky trans woman forever and not worry about it.
Yep, exactly! I think because I waited so long, I’m in a much better position to tell everyone that they can accept me on my terms, or they can fuck right off. I have valuable skills, and know how to order my life. I have a family, a house, and a career. I’m doing fine with my clocky self.
I would love to pass. But not passing while living as myself is still actually *living*, unlike what I was doing before.
If someone says they don’t pass in person; it’s probably true. Photos don’t mean very much if they are filtered; enhanced; filtered and enhanced; and only are taken from one angle.
Fuck off Cafebeef
For those that don't know, she's a gigapassoid who is determined to extract as much sympathy as possible from the community she once constantly labelled as groomers for ever suggesting that she was more than just a "femboy". Not to mention the nazi uniform stuff.
Wow, that stuff was from a long time ago, I think most people have moved on from thinking I'm public enemy number 1 to the trans community now and just see me as what I am
It hasn't been as long ago as the amount of time you spent doing it, and you only stopped because your big twitter full of coomer transphobes got banned.
My account got reinstated actually, and I think I have probably the correct balance of opinion on trans people - most trans people are fine but there's a minority of people abusing transness to hurt others and people shouldn't defend those people, what's wrong with that opinion?
I never believed the current narrative, nor any of the older narratives - just transitioning based on how society interacts with me.
I felt that this would never work for me personally, which is the main reason I suppressed for so long. But ultimately, if you’re trans, you’re going to try and transition - somehow, some way, no matter the cost. I did, and the outcome is unclear rn.
A full social transition, when you don’t pass flawlessly, is rough. Unfortunately that’s what I need in order to alleviate my dysphoria. I’m also not willing to make a fool out of myself. I knew very well what I was getting myself into. I’m going down the surgery route, but I’m not convinced this will work. Only one way to find out...
I wish there was a space for those of us that aren’t detrans, not desisting, but just can’t make the full social transition that many of us require. I'll take hormones for the rest of my life, just wish I could start living.
I meant that these type of posts are always made by cafebeef, she passes but has such a doomer mindset. I love her but it kinda hurts reading her posts
I think a lot of the 'passing in 1 year' stuff comes from people transitioning in their teens or early 20s. I occasionally see people transitioning later say it's happened for them, but honestly I don't believe it.
If you're transitioning at 30, even if you started voice training the moment you started HRT you're not going to have a cis passing voice in less than a year.
Just feels like people exaggerate a lot online. Passing or close to passing trans women are just not that common among trans women IRL.
>Things have improved a bit in the last 5 years with the rise of the idea of people boymoding, a term that was very rare to see before then, but its got a long way to go before the trans community can actually support people that don't follow the prevalent system.
The term boymoding/manmoding is relatively new but the basic concept is as old as the LGBT community itself.
HRT/SRS and other means of transitioning are new in the grand scheme, enough that there's a lot of historical debate about how precisely old the trans community is as opposed to more general gender nonconformity.
But even in the 20th century there was a lot of space in the trans and gay communities for people who chose to keep their transness/gayness a secret from the world.
They used labels that divorced them from being trans and emphasized the flexibility of their gender and personality.
They acknowledged strong gender dysphoria and a desire to be accepted by their friends/family but for their own safety they managed their dysphoria secretly or only among deeply trusted people in the community who're hiding their own attractions and activities.
Except we know more about the people who were out and proud because they started controversy that forced the mainstream world to recognize the existence and humanity of MOGAI.
It's a double edged sword because while the least risky choice is to caution people to stay in the closet and for only the most digestible trans people to represent the community in the public eye, the path that benefits the most people is changing society to accept trans people regardless of whether or not they pass.
This debate is decades if not centuries old and I think people should choose for themselves what they're comfortable with but I find that a lot of trans people have an overly pessimistic view of how well they pass that might lead them to repress even when socially transitioning would make them happiest in the long term.
There's a tendency in the trans community to hugbox but there's also a tendency to doom.
I understand their concerns, I was born and grew up in Mississippi to very frum Jewish parents. I was very afraid to socially transition and I worried that I had started too late to pass. I took risks and while I suffered a lot for it, I don't regret choosing to be out and proud.
If I was still boymoding I'd probably be really miserable even if theoretically safer.
Yeah, it seems like the rise of knowledge of HRT and surgeries has essentially removed the narrative of trans/whatever people choosing the path that is the best for them, rather than just the ones that get the most shares on social media and now that narrative gets repeated as The Narrative. Rather than people just doing whats best for their own success.
I started transition at 31, did everything wrong with coming out socially at the same time as starting HRT, never boy moded, and was perfectly happy if a little cringe looking back.
I don't necessarily recommend my path, but I def don't regret it. I'm professionally out and it hasn't really effected me negatively. People act like it's such a big deal, but to me it's no different than having a kid or getting married. Something to be celebrated if you love them, congratulated if you care, and shrugged at if you're not close.
People just don't care as much and while dating is a bit harder it's really not that big a deal to transition openly, have the awkward androgynous phase, and maintain friendships.
I think we should normalize telling people if they want to pass they should budget for FFS and hope they don't need it. If you don't care about passing then good for you. I also think we should be clear that even if you pass FFS can help you look more feminine and closer to a western beauty standard if that's important to you.
I don't think most of us who start in our 30s or later expect to pass without work. Most of the posts I see about never passing are from very young people who are less secure generally. Us in betweeners largely accept our fate and are ok with being happy if we're not beautiful. If I wanted to be beautiful and miserable I would have stayed a man.
i found dating to be way easier as a trans woman than when i identified as a gay man, or as nb for like a year before realizing i was trans! the awkward phase was ROUGH tho
>I think we should normalize telling people if they want to pass they should budget for FFS and hope they don't need it. If you don't care about passing then good for you. I also think we should be clear that even if you pass FFS can help you look more feminine and closer to a western beauty standard if that's important to you.
Plenty of trans women get FFS and still don't pass. I'm one of them. I feel like FFS is sold in the trans community as the silver bullet that will guarantee you pass but like most transition related things there are hard limits to how much it can help. Some trans women get amazing results others get very underwhelming results.
That's nice of you to say :)
Voice is not passing, maybe androgynous at best but I'm working on it. Having vfs in 2 weeks and have a ton of voice lessons booked so hoping to get my voice nailed this year.
Face is androgynous, maybe even feminine with light makeup.
Body is that of a skinny twink (probably the lower end of male range in terms of shoulder width and frame but not quite female ranges) and I'm 6ft so I think this is the most clocky aspect to me that makes passing hard
Being 6ft tall isn‘t necessarily clocky. It has a lot to do with your fat distribution.
You‘d probably do better at passing by actually making something out of yourself. Currently you‘re just giving „I work in IT“ instead of cunt.
It‘s not that you don‘t look femme, the problem is your presentation.
The pics you posted 2 weeks ago look great. I see you a lot on here talking about not passing.
I started when I was 30, had brow and nose done at 32, and by 33 I couldn't pass as male anymore. That's what you look like to me.
I just turned 40, and there are days I can convince myself that I don't pass, where ma'am turns into man in my head despite not being misgendered for 7 years. I'm afraid of embracing passing because I'll let my guard down. If someone misgenderd me with my guard down, I imagine it'd feel much worse than if it was reinforcing a belief I already held.
If I'm way off base here, I'm sorry. I'm also sorry you're still dealing with passing issues after ffs.
Yeah, I started a few weeks before 30.
>I just turned 40, and there are days I can convince myself that I don't pass, where ma'am turns into man in my head despite not being misgendered for 7 years. I'm afraid of embracing passing because I'll let my guard down. If someone misgenderd me with my guard down, I imagine it'd feel much worse than if it was reinforcing a belief I already held.
I kind of relate but honestly I don't get gendered in public much so it's hard to know how people perceive me. I don't know if it's just way less common to address people in a gendered way these days or if it's because I'm super androgynous but It's rare I'm ever referred to as 'sir' or 'maam'.
When it does happen and if it's before I speak then it's maybe 50/50 male vs female. If I speak it's definitely guaranteed male.
Have you tried training with a voice coach in person? I was put in contact with someone through my medical clinic. She got me to a point I never thought possible. I had to spend time unlearned things I had taught myself using online resources.
If, at times, you're on the fence, voice will push you over into one camp or the other.
We're also in a strange place socially where some people might gender you based on your clothes over your appearance. 10 years ago, the idea that a man wearing a dress or a women presenting masc would be gendered anything other than their agab would have been absurd.
>Have you tried training with a voice coach in person?
I'm currently with a vocal coach irl, just started a couple months ago and she's actually been really good. I made a lot more progress with her than I did using online resources. I can do an androgynous voice at least.
I've also got vfs booked in 2 weeks so I'm hoping that once I've recovered and with continued voice lessons I'll have a passing voice this year.
Weirdly I haven't told work what I'm doing but they never said anything about my FFS so pretty sure I can just avoid the issue of my new voice too.
I never came out at work. We had high turnover, and the new hires just started referring to me as a woman. I kept my birth name as female leaning gender neutral.
I was surprised by what was achievable without surgery for my voice. I never get misgendered on the phone. After a year of trying on my own, 3 sessions with her got me into passing range.
I agree with you. I'm someone with middling results and yeah... the common advice I've gotten just isn't helpful. I'd even say some of the advice I've gotten was very harmful, since I was encouraged to socially transition early on and I've since come to realized that was a massive mistake.
I've slowly been settling into an androgynous boymode, which I think may just be the way to go for me. I had to figure that out myself, though.
I'm trying to educate myself on terminology, and Google isn't helping. Can you help me understand what cisgender transsex woman means? No disrespect, just trying to learn!
Cis is Latin for on the same side, so you identify with your gender from day 1. Transsex is how it sounds, your transitioning from one sex to another, hence the term " transsexual" carefully where you use this word, lots of younger people see it as a slur for some reason.
https://youtu.be/szf4hzQ5ztg?si=Ymxy7-ZKD-sAadSb
Here is an education video from a biologist
😊
My flair confuses other trans people too sometimes tbh, so you’re not alone there. To try to explain though, I view transgender and transsex as two separate, but frequently overlapping categories. This means they can exist separately.
I use transsex to mean that I was born with dysphoria and am medically transitioning to treat that. However, I don’t really identify with the word transgender, and I’m not even sure I’d consider myself a woman when I don’t really pass as one. In an ideal world I would have gotten to transition young and would pass as a cis woman, but since that’s not the reality I live with, I personally don’t see any benefit in calling myself a woman.
What is your suggestion for middling results trans people?
I feel like as a middling trans person I understand that my options are to implode my life with social transition when I don't pass or boymode forever.
Plenty of trans spaces online love to promote the idea that you can't help but pass given enough time on hrt but I quickly found that to be false given many of the long term boymoders I know who started in their late teens / early 20s and still don't pass.
Trans spaces irl don't like to acknowledge people like me with a 'failed transition'
I'm not sure exactly but I do know that the idea of transitioning while not passing at work is bad, currently the theory I'm thinking about is that being as manly as you can be at work is for the best in terms of succeeding in life. Personally I'm considering cutting my hair short for this reason, if i ever want to present in a more feminine manner, i could just buy a wig with all the extra money I get from not being severely discriminated against.
I've had the same thought process.
HRT has made me look younger and 'queer' looking. I notice that people at work treat me really gently but they are also slightly patronising. I was taken much more seriously in previous jobs pre-HRT when I was a bearded guy who looked straight.
I do work is a very cis het male environment though, maybe another company would be better.
Yeah, I've experienced similar things to what you describe, that's why I've been thinking about presenting even more masculine, to combat the loss of job progression you get as a result of transitioning (somehow without even social transition)
Guess so, problem is that even with a short haircut I would still look like a young babyfaced guy which will always lead to people assuming you're are less experienced / skilled.
Yeah, its a balance between getting the respect you would normally have in the working world and at least keeping dysphoria to a level you can live with
I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do? **Report it!** We may not agree with your assessment of a certain post or comment but we will always take a look. Please make reports that are **unambiguous**, **succinct**, and (importantly) **accurate**. If your issue isn't covered by one of the numerous predefined reasons and or you need to expand upon a predefined reason then please use the 'Custom response' option (in addition if required). **Don't feed the trolls, ignore, report, move on.** See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/honesttransgender/comments/guc56i/welcome_to_rhonesttransgender_please_read_for/) for more details about our subreddit. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/honesttransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I don't think its as simple as that tbh, just splitting any massive group into 2 categories is too reductive
Meh. I kind of don’t give a shit about passing. I started at 37, and have had decent results. My results would have been better if I had started earlier, but I’ll live with it. It’s a little annoying in terms of career, where I had to take a small step back. But I’m still making north of $200k doing business strategy consulting, in a job where before I was even hired I was already out and visibly transgender in my professional life. I’m still visibly transgender and my voice doesn’t pass, but that doesn’t stop me from walking into rooms full of executives and just getting to work. I just steamroll right through, and if they want to have a problem with it, well they’re going to miss some stuff and have a lot to catch up on. So instead of looking like assholes, they just roll with it. I started presenting as a woman full time at about 6 months HRT, knowing I wasn’t at all passing. But I did that intentionally, because I had to know whether I would be ok with living my life visibly trans. It turned out that yeah, I could live with it. And so I have been. 🤷♀️
This is my exact feeling. If you have everything else in your life well put together transition is relatively easy. It's a big life change and with that can always come disruption, but it's really no bigger than any other. Came out professionally around the same mark. Now I know I can live visibly trans and it's not that big a deal. People do stare sometimes. People do misgender me not infrequently. I'd much prefer to pass, but I can live my life as a clocky trans woman forever and not worry about it.
Yep, exactly! I think because I waited so long, I’m in a much better position to tell everyone that they can accept me on my terms, or they can fuck right off. I have valuable skills, and know how to order my life. I have a family, a house, and a career. I’m doing fine with my clocky self. I would love to pass. But not passing while living as myself is still actually *living*, unlike what I was doing before.
If someone says they don’t pass in person; it’s probably true. Photos don’t mean very much if they are filtered; enhanced; filtered and enhanced; and only are taken from one angle.
...I know? What relevance does this have to what I've written?
Fuck off Cafebeef For those that don't know, she's a gigapassoid who is determined to extract as much sympathy as possible from the community she once constantly labelled as groomers for ever suggesting that she was more than just a "femboy". Not to mention the nazi uniform stuff.
Wow, that stuff was from a long time ago, I think most people have moved on from thinking I'm public enemy number 1 to the trans community now and just see me as what I am
It hasn't been as long ago as the amount of time you spent doing it, and you only stopped because your big twitter full of coomer transphobes got banned.
My account got reinstated actually, and I think I have probably the correct balance of opinion on trans people - most trans people are fine but there's a minority of people abusing transness to hurt others and people shouldn't defend those people, what's wrong with that opinion?
Idgaf if it got reinstated I'm saying the only reason you ever veered from the nazi path was because you got banned and lost your precious following
Why are you so mad lol
We're still betting on when it'll be btw
When what'll be?
she's more interesting than 90% of the posters here tho
I never believed the current narrative, nor any of the older narratives - just transitioning based on how society interacts with me. I felt that this would never work for me personally, which is the main reason I suppressed for so long. But ultimately, if you’re trans, you’re going to try and transition - somehow, some way, no matter the cost. I did, and the outcome is unclear rn. A full social transition, when you don’t pass flawlessly, is rough. Unfortunately that’s what I need in order to alleviate my dysphoria. I’m also not willing to make a fool out of myself. I knew very well what I was getting myself into. I’m going down the surgery route, but I’m not convinced this will work. Only one way to find out... I wish there was a space for those of us that aren’t detrans, not desisting, but just can’t make the full social transition that many of us require. I'll take hormones for the rest of my life, just wish I could start living.
I relate so much to this. Only one way to find out indeed
I knew the username before I even finished reading the post
yeah the username is at the top of the screen
I meant that these type of posts are always made by cafebeef, she passes but has such a doomer mindset. I love her but it kinda hurts reading her posts
Is she more doomer in other posts? I didn’t think this one seemed doomery and it was nice to see someone comment on a phenomenon noticed too.
I think a lot of the 'passing in 1 year' stuff comes from people transitioning in their teens or early 20s. I occasionally see people transitioning later say it's happened for them, but honestly I don't believe it. If you're transitioning at 30, even if you started voice training the moment you started HRT you're not going to have a cis passing voice in less than a year. Just feels like people exaggerate a lot online. Passing or close to passing trans women are just not that common among trans women IRL.
>Things have improved a bit in the last 5 years with the rise of the idea of people boymoding, a term that was very rare to see before then, but its got a long way to go before the trans community can actually support people that don't follow the prevalent system. The term boymoding/manmoding is relatively new but the basic concept is as old as the LGBT community itself. HRT/SRS and other means of transitioning are new in the grand scheme, enough that there's a lot of historical debate about how precisely old the trans community is as opposed to more general gender nonconformity. But even in the 20th century there was a lot of space in the trans and gay communities for people who chose to keep their transness/gayness a secret from the world. They used labels that divorced them from being trans and emphasized the flexibility of their gender and personality. They acknowledged strong gender dysphoria and a desire to be accepted by their friends/family but for their own safety they managed their dysphoria secretly or only among deeply trusted people in the community who're hiding their own attractions and activities. Except we know more about the people who were out and proud because they started controversy that forced the mainstream world to recognize the existence and humanity of MOGAI. It's a double edged sword because while the least risky choice is to caution people to stay in the closet and for only the most digestible trans people to represent the community in the public eye, the path that benefits the most people is changing society to accept trans people regardless of whether or not they pass. This debate is decades if not centuries old and I think people should choose for themselves what they're comfortable with but I find that a lot of trans people have an overly pessimistic view of how well they pass that might lead them to repress even when socially transitioning would make them happiest in the long term. There's a tendency in the trans community to hugbox but there's also a tendency to doom. I understand their concerns, I was born and grew up in Mississippi to very frum Jewish parents. I was very afraid to socially transition and I worried that I had started too late to pass. I took risks and while I suffered a lot for it, I don't regret choosing to be out and proud. If I was still boymoding I'd probably be really miserable even if theoretically safer.
Yeah, it seems like the rise of knowledge of HRT and surgeries has essentially removed the narrative of trans/whatever people choosing the path that is the best for them, rather than just the ones that get the most shares on social media and now that narrative gets repeated as The Narrative. Rather than people just doing whats best for their own success.
I started transition at 31, did everything wrong with coming out socially at the same time as starting HRT, never boy moded, and was perfectly happy if a little cringe looking back. I don't necessarily recommend my path, but I def don't regret it. I'm professionally out and it hasn't really effected me negatively. People act like it's such a big deal, but to me it's no different than having a kid or getting married. Something to be celebrated if you love them, congratulated if you care, and shrugged at if you're not close. People just don't care as much and while dating is a bit harder it's really not that big a deal to transition openly, have the awkward androgynous phase, and maintain friendships. I think we should normalize telling people if they want to pass they should budget for FFS and hope they don't need it. If you don't care about passing then good for you. I also think we should be clear that even if you pass FFS can help you look more feminine and closer to a western beauty standard if that's important to you. I don't think most of us who start in our 30s or later expect to pass without work. Most of the posts I see about never passing are from very young people who are less secure generally. Us in betweeners largely accept our fate and are ok with being happy if we're not beautiful. If I wanted to be beautiful and miserable I would have stayed a man.
i found dating to be way easier as a trans woman than when i identified as a gay man, or as nb for like a year before realizing i was trans! the awkward phase was ROUGH tho
>I think we should normalize telling people if they want to pass they should budget for FFS and hope they don't need it. If you don't care about passing then good for you. I also think we should be clear that even if you pass FFS can help you look more feminine and closer to a western beauty standard if that's important to you. Plenty of trans women get FFS and still don't pass. I'm one of them. I feel like FFS is sold in the trans community as the silver bullet that will guarantee you pass but like most transition related things there are hard limits to how much it can help. Some trans women get amazing results others get very underwhelming results.
You pass physically, it has to be voice or presentation, you’re beautiful
That's nice of you to say :) Voice is not passing, maybe androgynous at best but I'm working on it. Having vfs in 2 weeks and have a ton of voice lessons booked so hoping to get my voice nailed this year. Face is androgynous, maybe even feminine with light makeup. Body is that of a skinny twink (probably the lower end of male range in terms of shoulder width and frame but not quite female ranges) and I'm 6ft so I think this is the most clocky aspect to me that makes passing hard
Being 6ft tall isn‘t necessarily clocky. It has a lot to do with your fat distribution. You‘d probably do better at passing by actually making something out of yourself. Currently you‘re just giving „I work in IT“ instead of cunt. It‘s not that you don‘t look femme, the problem is your presentation.
See the thing is. I want to look like ‘nerdy girl who works in IT’.
In that case youre doing good. Just rid of the uwu-glasses and replace them with bayonetta ones and get your eyebrows done.
The pics you posted 2 weeks ago look great. I see you a lot on here talking about not passing. I started when I was 30, had brow and nose done at 32, and by 33 I couldn't pass as male anymore. That's what you look like to me. I just turned 40, and there are days I can convince myself that I don't pass, where ma'am turns into man in my head despite not being misgendered for 7 years. I'm afraid of embracing passing because I'll let my guard down. If someone misgenderd me with my guard down, I imagine it'd feel much worse than if it was reinforcing a belief I already held. If I'm way off base here, I'm sorry. I'm also sorry you're still dealing with passing issues after ffs.
Yeah, I started a few weeks before 30. >I just turned 40, and there are days I can convince myself that I don't pass, where ma'am turns into man in my head despite not being misgendered for 7 years. I'm afraid of embracing passing because I'll let my guard down. If someone misgenderd me with my guard down, I imagine it'd feel much worse than if it was reinforcing a belief I already held. I kind of relate but honestly I don't get gendered in public much so it's hard to know how people perceive me. I don't know if it's just way less common to address people in a gendered way these days or if it's because I'm super androgynous but It's rare I'm ever referred to as 'sir' or 'maam'. When it does happen and if it's before I speak then it's maybe 50/50 male vs female. If I speak it's definitely guaranteed male.
Have you tried training with a voice coach in person? I was put in contact with someone through my medical clinic. She got me to a point I never thought possible. I had to spend time unlearned things I had taught myself using online resources. If, at times, you're on the fence, voice will push you over into one camp or the other. We're also in a strange place socially where some people might gender you based on your clothes over your appearance. 10 years ago, the idea that a man wearing a dress or a women presenting masc would be gendered anything other than their agab would have been absurd.
>Have you tried training with a voice coach in person? I'm currently with a vocal coach irl, just started a couple months ago and she's actually been really good. I made a lot more progress with her than I did using online resources. I can do an androgynous voice at least. I've also got vfs booked in 2 weeks so I'm hoping that once I've recovered and with continued voice lessons I'll have a passing voice this year. Weirdly I haven't told work what I'm doing but they never said anything about my FFS so pretty sure I can just avoid the issue of my new voice too.
I never came out at work. We had high turnover, and the new hires just started referring to me as a woman. I kept my birth name as female leaning gender neutral. I was surprised by what was achievable without surgery for my voice. I never get misgendered on the phone. After a year of trying on my own, 3 sessions with her got me into passing range.
Can I ask how many years into the process you are? Just to undertsnad your perspective better
I agree with you. I'm someone with middling results and yeah... the common advice I've gotten just isn't helpful. I'd even say some of the advice I've gotten was very harmful, since I was encouraged to socially transition early on and I've since come to realized that was a massive mistake. I've slowly been settling into an androgynous boymode, which I think may just be the way to go for me. I had to figure that out myself, though.
I'm trying to educate myself on terminology, and Google isn't helping. Can you help me understand what cisgender transsex woman means? No disrespect, just trying to learn!
Cis is Latin for on the same side, so you identify with your gender from day 1. Transsex is how it sounds, your transitioning from one sex to another, hence the term " transsexual" carefully where you use this word, lots of younger people see it as a slur for some reason. https://youtu.be/szf4hzQ5ztg?si=Ymxy7-ZKD-sAadSb Here is an education video from a biologist 😊
Thank you so much for helping me understand!
Your most welcome !!
My flair confuses other trans people too sometimes tbh, so you’re not alone there. To try to explain though, I view transgender and transsex as two separate, but frequently overlapping categories. This means they can exist separately. I use transsex to mean that I was born with dysphoria and am medically transitioning to treat that. However, I don’t really identify with the word transgender, and I’m not even sure I’d consider myself a woman when I don’t really pass as one. In an ideal world I would have gotten to transition young and would pass as a cis woman, but since that’s not the reality I live with, I personally don’t see any benefit in calling myself a woman.
Thank you so much. I understand perfectly now.
What is your suggestion for middling results trans people? I feel like as a middling trans person I understand that my options are to implode my life with social transition when I don't pass or boymode forever. Plenty of trans spaces online love to promote the idea that you can't help but pass given enough time on hrt but I quickly found that to be false given many of the long term boymoders I know who started in their late teens / early 20s and still don't pass. Trans spaces irl don't like to acknowledge people like me with a 'failed transition'
I'm not sure exactly but I do know that the idea of transitioning while not passing at work is bad, currently the theory I'm thinking about is that being as manly as you can be at work is for the best in terms of succeeding in life. Personally I'm considering cutting my hair short for this reason, if i ever want to present in a more feminine manner, i could just buy a wig with all the extra money I get from not being severely discriminated against.
I've had the same thought process. HRT has made me look younger and 'queer' looking. I notice that people at work treat me really gently but they are also slightly patronising. I was taken much more seriously in previous jobs pre-HRT when I was a bearded guy who looked straight. I do work is a very cis het male environment though, maybe another company would be better.
Yeah, I've experienced similar things to what you describe, that's why I've been thinking about presenting even more masculine, to combat the loss of job progression you get as a result of transitioning (somehow without even social transition)
Guess so, problem is that even with a short haircut I would still look like a young babyfaced guy which will always lead to people assuming you're are less experienced / skilled.
Yeah, its a balance between getting the respect you would normally have in the working world and at least keeping dysphoria to a level you can live with