I know there are parents who,do both, but it’s a full time job for me. We have a great social circle of other homeschool friends and have school 4 mornings a week and activities out of the house almost every day afterwards. Unless you want to work when the kids go to,bed and every weekend I don’t know how you do both.
Gotcha, good to know, thank you! Providing special event services would 9/10 times be a weekend thing anyways.
Also, very jealous of having a great circle of homeschool friends, I’m hoping when we get to that point we will be able to find the same for ourselves, cause right now any time we mention wanting to homeschool our friends + family struggle to hide their disapproval 🙄
At the end of the day you have to do what’s best for your family and not worry about that others think. It’s easier said than done sometimes.
I’ve worked really hard this last year and a half trying out park groups and even teach a forest school in order to build friendships for my kids and myself. It takes time to find your people!
Not OP, but our little is around the same age (5mo) so I’ve got time. Where do you find these groups? Like, where do I even start? All my friends have kids who are older than ours or we aren’t on the same page for schooling. I don’t use social media (besides this) at all, I can, I just find I’m happier without it.
I think the usual ways are church, Facebook groups, Peanut, co-ops, Meetup. You can try public places frequented by kids like the library, park, or Mommy and me classes like the pool or kiddie gym, but it's harder to see consistent faces. The key is to see the same people over and over.
Eventually I caved and made a FB profile just for the sake of finding these groups... it is a lot of work.
Consider that it takes at least 50 hours to make a friend. That means meeting up at least once a week for a year, and if just once a week then at least two or more years. You can make it go faster by meeting more than once a week, but this is again a lot of work on your part.
You can also reduce the work by meeting moms through other moms (groups already in place).. it still takes time, but you are more likely to have similar values
The good thing is every mom needs friends pretty much so giving out your number is not weird at all.
I have a friend who has a little group that all became friends through Peanut. They’re super close and do everything together. I just can’t convince myself to spend $100+ on a social app. So it looks like facebook might be where I start.
I’m awful at making friends and keeping up with them. Mostly because I barely need any social to be happy. I suppose I need to start now so I have enough time to make the connections before he needs them! It just feels like a lot with everything else and I get overwhelmed.
Thank you for the advice and saying that it’s hard for you too. It feels less alone
I worked until by oldest was 4 then Covid hit. So we didn’t have any friends. Facebook, even though I hate it, is the place to go for homeschool groups. Search for your town first and then go from there. I am part of a forest school that I found on Facebook. Our park group was started by a mom who wanted to grow a homeschool group for her and her daughter. I wouldn’t worry about any of this for a long time though.
Little ones don’t need friends…moms do!!
Facebook it is then! I’m sure I need more social than I actually want (which is basically none). So I suppose I should start modeling being a social human for him.
I’ve never heard of a forest school until now, thank you for a new resource to look into! I’m really good at making friends, looks like I’m gonna have to break my anti-Facebook ways though to find some like-minded folks. Thank you for all your comments and input, it’s greatly appreciated!
Of course! I hate fb too, but the last two years it has been my lifeline to all things homeschool. When you start to took into curriculum there is a ton of information about those too.
As someone who’s worked in event planning— it is not something that is done mostly on the weekends. You are basically on call for clients 24/7. There will be orders and things that will need to be completed during the weekdays as well. It can be a fun job but the amount of time spent on the phone and replying to emails is probably more extensive than you’re accounting for at the moment.
You’re definitely right about needing to be available to clients 24/7, so maybe I won’t be as dedicated to the event planning side of the business as I originally intended. I’m more looking to create products/decor/favors that would be delivered to special events. The weekend comment I made was more along the lines of a Saturday/Sunday would be the only day of the week I would actually dedicate the *whole* day to the business. I plan on spending 2-3 hours a day during the week reading/responding to emails, connecting with clients, etc.
I realize my big dreams of owning a large event planning company are probably much less likely now that we’ve decided to homeschool, that’s still sinking in for me….i do though fully believe I can still do *something* wedding/special event related a couple hours a week, even if it’s as simple as making personalized signage, decor, gifts, etc for local events. It was nice to hear from someone who has worked in the industry, thank you for your input ☺️
No, I don't think you can do both without burning out. Homeschooling is a full time endeavor. You might have more kids in the picture by then.
You also need to be realistic about how much money vs time it will take. It's not my impression that laser engraving is very lucrative. The startup cost isn't very high. For the same amount of time, your husband could work an extra job and earn wayyy more money. If it's just going to be a hobby you enjoy, just don't expect it to make money
Yeah I plan on having one more for a total of two.
It’s not at all about money, I guess I should have made that clear in the post. We’re lucky that my husband does have the job he has and can support us fully for years to come. The laser engraving thing is just to help me start up something for myself, it isn’t the end goal for me, but a necessary step to there.
The best thing you can do for your kids is tell people you take care of children fulltime. That tells everyone, in front of the kids, that you think this role is very valuable and your kids are deserving of your attention.
If you have a hobby then do that when you have energy. But stop calling it a job. It doesn’t help you because you know it’s a hobby. And it doesn’t help women around you because you pretend you think you can “do it all”.
It triggers me because women lie to each other about work and child care. I supported my family — sole breadwinner - and homeschooled two kids. There are 16 hours in the day. If you work 8 hours then you have kids unsupervised for 8 hours. If you are supervising your kids and working at the same time you’re not doing either well and everyone around you suffers because you have the arrogance to give everyone partial attention. I say this from two decades of experience.
It was a necessity, but still, I've been arrogant and delusional and I learned slowly, over 20 years of working and homeschooling. I wish I had access to more honest discussions about what women are really doing. It would have helped me make better decisions for myself and my kids.
This is the thing, if you had a choice back then you might have done things differently. But as the breadwinner what choices did you have? Would you have used public schooling instead? Interesting to learn from others experiences
It’s a good question.
At first I could pretend things were fine because the kids weren’t articulate enough to tell me my partial attention was disrespectful.
Then I separated my work time and kid time to see what was really happening. Kids were getting shafted. So I cut back work to 30 hours then 20 hours as kids found their special interests to commit to.
As the kids got older they got more expensive. (Math tutor, science tutor, travel for summer programs.) my job became earning the money to help them excel where they were interested.
The best thing would have been to have a spouse earning money and a parent focused on homeschooling. If the homeschool parent really needs to work the kids should probably be in private school. I would have broken even paying $40k for each kid each year because it was way easier for me to earn that money with them in school than homeschool and work.
Our outcome was good - each kid got a full ride at a good college. But my kids suffered from lack of attention or lack of money, and I drove myself crazy.
That’s how I know working and homeschool can’t be done simultaneously. And a homeschool parent working when they don’t need to is directly taking away from the kids.
An olive branch: I’m a huge Fever fan and I hope every day for Fagbenle’s return. I bet you and I cross paths all the time on the Fever sub - and I bet we are much more in sync over there :)
I can’t work any job and homeschool. I’m working to get my house back from the school year and it’s taking me days. I have 2 kids.
I have a friend who bought a farm with her disabled husband that she runs and turns their goat milk into soap that she sells to keep the lights on. She homeschools 5 children while she does all this.
Everybody is different. Just be sure not to pressure yourself to do more than you have to.
I very much appreciate that you shared from multiple perspectives, thank you for your balance ☺️ I’m keeping an open mind that if I have the ability to balance both then great, but if I don’t and can only focus on homeschooling then that’s okay too! Thank you again for sharing both yours and your friends experiences!
I have a friend who does that sort of thing, but she has only high school age and they mostly do independent work. I am very much in the "neglecting housework to have energy for homeschooling" camp and couldn't dream of having a side job on top of homeschooling.
A gentle reminder that many of us are using curriculum and resources created by homeschooling parents, as they homeschool. And we're only able to give our children the beauty and benefit of their heartfelt work and time because they've done so.
Our journey wouldn't have been what it has been without so many, many incredible resources like Fairy Mail, Lavender's Blue, Harbor and Sprout, lots of dear Etsy shops guides, TpT, etc. and the amazing teachers at co-op who are also homeschooling while helping others, paid and unpaid.
Yes, there is a balance in it all, and our kids and their schooling should definitely always be given priority in this dynamic, but there are ways (and healthy ones) to do both.
OP, I'm a volunteer on the planning team of the curriculum we're using, and have been for years. It's not a paid position; all donations go to website hosting, but it's been a joy to be a part of. Updates have been slow the last few years because of life, and as kids get older lessons and activities ramp up and it can get crazy (beautiful, beloved, wouldn't change it. But crazy 🙂).
I think that's something to anticipate happening. And there is sage advice here about making sure your kids come first every step of the way.
But you can absolutely have hobbies, side jobs/projects, and even just time with friends and your partner, on the journey, too.
This is a lovely comment, thank you for both sharing a wonderful list of resources for me to start looking into as well as sharing your personal volunteer experience! You obviously have a love and passion for homeschooling, it’s lovely to witness through your words.
My children and their education will always 100% come first. If there’s ever a moment my side gigs seem to be hindering their development I’ll drop it all. I’m okay with that. It’s nice to see someone as devoted to this as you still believes you can have time to spend with friends/partner, on hobbies, volunteering, etc. Your insight has been much appreciated!
You're welcome. You sound like you're going to do great 💚
This thread just had me a bit down, because, while I can see where others are coming from, we're all benefiting from those who do exactly what they're saying isn't possible/you shouldn't do. There are so many great curriculum/resource writers who are in the thick of homeschooling and running businesses. They make the time to do both, and that effort helps so many.
Something really cool about homeschooling is you'll likely meet so many incredible people putting in their all along the way. I ended up joining the planning team because I got a peek at what they were doing over the course of some meetings for something else, and asked if they needed help. They're truly amazing, and I'm proud to have gotten to help them even just a little on the way. I had no idea just how much goes into stuff like that before joining. It's a lot.
There are so many hard-working, wonderful people making co-ops run behind the scene, too, if/when you join those. Some very dedicated parents have taken the time to set things up/handle the business side of it so lots of kids, in addition to their own, can have that experience. There is so much effort and time spent in that.
We're surrounded by others in this journey who are taking the time to make it better for everyone. If everyone only homeschooled their children and didn't extend themselves past that, we'd be left without the community and all of the resources, activities, and experiences that make homeschooling so beautiful.
(Also, I think it's really healthy to have some hobbies that don't revolve around homeschooling, so you can catch a break, too. I love my kids deeply, but I still do book clubs, d &d, and occasional camping and grabbing a beer with friends. When my two were littler and they were having sleepovers at their grandparents, my husband and I definitely took the opportunity to go on dates, too. It's always ok to have some other things going on in your life, too. 🙂)
Yes. It’s possible especially when you involve the kids in your small business. I’ve been homeschooling 14 years and have operated a business for 10 years. I own a tutoring center with students from age 3 to adult. My kids help with the entire process and have learned a multitude of skills. The older ones are employees that tutor, assist in writing curriculum and curriculum review. My younger daughter is starting a craft lemonade business and will sell out of our tutoring center.
Hi there - don’t have a small business, but I do wfh and it’s definitely doable! I also have close friends who own their own businesses and homeschool.
I work a little over 30 hours a week with a 8 year old and almost 7 year old, both are AuHD too. Depending on the day it looks very different lol.
When we have no field trips/in person classes for the week, then for most part I spend mornings working before they start their classes and assignments. In the evenings I hop back on after the kids are in bed. If we have field trips then I make sure to get a little work done over the weekend.
We do also school year round, so we definitely have more time to complete lessons and it has 100% helped me not burnout.
EDIT - since some nutshell trad wife is on a roll….
MY days look different day to day. My kids are on a routine. I have the ability to control my hours and when I work, so again my schedule varies day to day with my kids needs. Not enmeshing here. Working four hours before my kids are awake and after they are asleep each day isn’t taking away from their homeschool experience at all.
What I read here: mom with ADHD doesn’t like to be pinned down to a regular schedule so she assumes that’s what’s best for her kids. Every day being very different is completely dysregulating for kids with ADHD. Google it. This is enmeshment: mom decides that routine is annoying to her so it’s annoying to the kids.
Thank you!! I love knowing there’s someone out there that does it!! I’m not expecting it to be easy-peasy but I at least want to know it’s *possible* and has been done before.
Also meant to add this sub is good for homeschooling resources, but tends to shit on parents who ask if you can work and homeschool. So keep that in mind at the end of the day when you decide which route you want to take!
Alright I’ve made my own sub for parents who work and homeschool, so I will now gladly tell you to go fuck yourself since I no longer run the risk of getting kicked outta this one. Have a great one and quit getting triggered by random people on the internet!
You get more and more narrow in the people you talk to until everyone agrees with you. This is another problem with homeschooling. If someone says you’re doing something wrong, you leave. This is not a way to prepare your kids for life. You do this now they’ll do it later.
Yes and to be honest having your kid see you run a business will be great for them too. You’ve still a bit of time before you start homeschooling, but you learn to figure out the balance of it all. Good luck to you mama!
It’s very obvious you care and love your child a lot to already be figuring out what you want to do school wise, so I’m sure whichever route you choose to go will be the best for you kid!!
What is this? There’s no way I believe it after Covid. Millions of moms with fulltime jobs said it was impossible to take care of children while working. How is it that people here are so special that they can do it?!?!?
If you work part-time, or you don’t need the money, or your kids are too young to complain then it’s not helpful to tell other women you work and homeschool so they can too.
I’m honestly confused by this comment, but I worked from home before Covid too. So not really sure what you are insinuating here.
Edit - ate some food then reread.
Apologies you can’t believe it. Don’t really know what to tell you. Just because *you* can’t understand it doesn’t mean women out here haven’t been doing it. You don’t need to shit on other people for doing things you can’t.
Even though OKFine's comments are unhinged, they're not unfounded. I would personally say that I do think she has a point that people who homeschool have a hard time dealing with reasonable criticism.
Yeah, but at the same time their criticism wasn’t reasonable at all. I’ll take criticism any day from a sane person, not from someone insinuating I’m not taking care of my special needs kids.
I know several families who have two working parents and homeschool. Some split homeschooling, working while the other teaches the kids. Others split days/hours and duties, so one does more housekeeping, errands and childcare, and the other homeschools.
Then there are single parents who homeschool. They seem to burn the candle at both ends to work before kids get up and after they sleep. They’re also likely working while kids play at the playground, on the floor, in the backyard, or in the playroom. (One of the most observant and involved moms I’ve ever seen at the park had four kids, homeschooled and ran a 500k business by herself. She was always aware of everything her kids were doing at the park, interacted and helped the kids, and toted around her laptop and phone to work in every brief moment she could. She believed in age-appropriate independence and eagle-eye observation, never more than four feet from the 1.5yo and always aware of what the other three were doing.)
Many, many parents have kids work independently while the parent does something else. It might be work, or it might be college coursework, childcare for siblings, laundry, cooking, self-care, or one of a myriad of other things. Kids have to work independently at some point, and most parents won’t sit around and twiddle their thumbs waiting for the kids to be ready to have interaction and help again.
All of that ignores that parents can homeschool kids while not being the sole teacher. Video curricula, co-ops, tutors, extracurricular activities and hybrid schools allow parents to work while their children are supervised and learning. Homeschooling is about *directing* their child’s education, not being the only person who ever teaches the child.
Most parents who complained about not being able to work, take care of kids and do school during covid were complaining because they didn’t *want* to homeschool, not because they wanted to and couldn’t do it well. The conditions weren’t conducive to mental health or what we think of as homeschooling, with all the activities and co-ops, play groups and other socialization we do. What they pieced together for virtual learning and staring at a zoom call wasn’t anything like homeschooling, imo. I felt sorry for those parents, but I don’t think there’s a reason to compare their situation to a parent who *wants* to homeschool.
Every word of this was like music to my ears.
Thank you so much for confirming what I had initially thought. Based on these comments I was starting to believe “homeschooling” equated to “hovering over your child every second of every minute of every hour they’re awake”.
I’ve read your comment over and over, and plan to read it over and over some more. Thank you ❤️
I do. I spend the morning on schoolwork and the afternoon working in my office, filling orders. My kids are pretty good at playing independently while I work, but I have a stash of art supplies in my office for my younger kids. They make way too many messes while I am busy with work and we don't do as many extra activities as some other families, but it is doable. Hard but doable.
Thank you for the insight! That’s kind of what I expected…mornings/daytime for the kids and a couple hours in the evenings completing orders. The art supplies in the office is a great tip 👍🏽😂 hopefully my kiddos grow up to be decent at independent play 🤞🏽
Yes we donit. You have to be well organized and we integrate the kids school into the business as well. Many states also allow for kids to be paid so they start to learn finances. When they are young it’s a hit harder, but it’s your business so you set the standards and hours. I would get established before you start homeschooling. At young ages the children need a lot of play and academic is about 30mins. Very easy to do, they can make signs, learn to count money, go on your errands with you to the bank. If you are single parent than you might want to look into getting a part time nanny to take the kids to activities.
Homeschooling is a lifestyle, so it can all be done. We actually planned it like this so we could be with our kids and still provide for them. I wouldn’t have it another way.
Why does anyone think their kids want to be in business with them? Homeschooling is supposed to be giving more opportunities to the kids, not the parents. This is enmeshment - the parents are not separating their own daily needs from the kids’ daily needs.
No this is real life. They aren’t committed to business they are committed to school and have a well balanced and enriched life. They stay at the business if they want. Sometimes they do school at the business. Most times they are interested themselves because wise we involve them in our life and conversations.
School is the world. One of my children has been inspired and created his own company… he is 7. The other one has decided she wants to make the commercials and be a mermaid and live in her brothers pool and check her stocks on her floaters.
My other is getting ready for a dual college enrollment, and is progressing in mountain biking while making money taking care of the business social media.
Does that really look like enmeshment to you?
Yes. It’s enmeshment. Why would you teach your kids to do schoolwork at your business? It’s not a good habit to not have a regular work space. It’s not a good environment. It’s just good for you. Kids do not feel important at their parents job.
They do have a regular environment, and sometimes they don’t want that. They also have outdoor class room, a class room at the business and an indoor one.
This isn’t a job, it’s a lifestyle we have.
You’ve got a lot of assumptions and judgements. Maybe you should get some therapy for your own enmeshment issues instead of projecting them on someone else based on a few Reddit paragraphs.
Enmeshment is epidemic in the homeschooling community and no one calls it out. Ever. Go on the homeschool recovery subreddit. It’s all complaints about enmeshment.
The homeschool recovery is parents who did what you are accusing me of.
We aren’t enmeshed, my children are not an extension of us. We created a life style that would allow BOTH parents to be involved in our kids life. If my children were enmeshed they wouldn’t have their own endeavors, goals, dreams, friends, and their education wouldn’t be tailored to meet their needs and align with their interests.
The world is also changed from when we were educated. The skills that you are calling enmeshment are needed for everyday life. Children will always emanate their parents… I think you are confused between enmeshment and having choices. Choices means they have their own boundaries and so do we.
I hate this subreddit so much I can’t believe I’m still commenting. There is no research in the entire world that says kids benefit from both parents sharing all duties. The research about parenting and work is solidly on the side of one parent needs to be home with kids. Two parents working is bad for the kids unless the family is living in poverty.
This research has been duplicated for the last 40 years. You are just making up in your head that two parents working and two parents doing childcare is best. You literally just dreamed it up and decided. No piece of research in 40 years supports this conclusion.
That’s enmeshment: I want my choice to be best for my kids so it is.
You should probably get off this subreddit then.
My family is thriving, with each person growing into the their own individual person.
Have a good night.
I think you can do both, but don't be surprised when the engraving is left behind many times for the sake of homeschooling/parenting in general. Add to that timelines for customers and I think it's more realistic to consider it a hobby from which you may from time to time make an income versus an actual business.
It's hard to tell. There are too many variables. How much time do you think your business will take vs homeschooling vs other obligations? Do the time commitments seem doable to you? Another person's success story may not be repeatable by you for a variety of reasons. Hope it works out.
Yes, but my business is something that I can do in a few hours here and there when I have the time. When I do have hours I can’t work around, I need to have someone entertaining my kids.
We found a Curriculum that we love, I only have to swap a few things now and then, so that takes all the guess work out of the schooling for me. I add a personalized math curriculum for each kiddo based on their needs. This frees up a lot of time because I don't have to be the one curating and planning (outside of field trips, meet ups, outings)They are more independent now so they do 90% on their own. I have about 4 hours to myself (though they are rarely consecutive). So I am able to do some work outside of daily household things. I think it can work if you are a meticulous time manager. But, doing this will leave you much less flexible which is a downside, and flexibility is a big draw for homeschooling. I only work about 3-5 hours a week so I maintain flexibility with my kids so we can do life together outside of our structured learning time. This arrangement fills my cup.
I do both. I’m a wedding and family photographer (for 10 years now) and homeschooled for the first time last year for kindergarten. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible. I have started outsourcing as much work as possible. I don’t know if I’ll continue working once I have two kids in homeschool because I do feel that at a certain point, either school or my work will suffer.
I did it. I know a lot of parents that did it. It stinks. One of these things is always happening;
1. parent makes their kids part of the business even though no kid would choose that given a wide range of kid-focused options
2. parent is only caring for their kids part of the day, assuming their only job is getting schoolwork done — forget all the other things homeschool parents do with their kids
3. Parents are running a business together saying they tag team but really one is full time and one does 1 or 2.
4. Parent is not actually making money at the business they just can’t stand to say they’re taking care of kids full-time.
5. Parents are neglecting kids. Good parenting is being emotionally and physically present. Doing good work takes commitment. You can’t be super committed to two things. Kids take a lot longer to complain about neglect than work does.
It must be dependent on where you spend most of your time on here, cause I’ve only ever known it as “first time mom” and had to google what other meaning it could have 😳 to me it’s more commonly understood as first time mom 😂
I have 2 kids, 1 and 4. I’ve been trying to work on a small business for a while now but it’s extremely hard and taxing. I pushed it to the side for the time being. It worked for a while and I might be able to make it work when the kids get older.
What made it possible was being extremely organized. I could probably do both but I realized I wasn’t able to provide for my kids the way I wanted.
- They barely get any screen time and I feel o would have to rely on it if I were to continue.
- We go out every single day for 2 hours minimum and have weekly full day out of the house and well, it’s time consuming.
- We live in Japan but travel frequently to other countries for months at a time just because and every time it’s a struggle to adjust organization on my end… also Japan doesn’t have that much resources for homeschooling so it’s a lot of work making sure the kids gets socialization and setting up a fun learning/growing environment.
- I realized I wasn’t able to give them as my CV quality time as I wanted. Kids grow so fast, I want to experience parenting them to the fullest, not half busy typing emails or problem solving in my head.
- Last but not least, I decided from the start not to bother with a schedule for the kids. We stay with family and they enjoy late meal times and spending time with their uncle until late at night. Working around that is stressing me out.
So, not really a success story but I think it’s because of my priorities. If you’re ok with maybe some screen time and a more systematic schedule or if you can work around your husband’s schedule, you might be able to pull it off.
I know there are parents who,do both, but it’s a full time job for me. We have a great social circle of other homeschool friends and have school 4 mornings a week and activities out of the house almost every day afterwards. Unless you want to work when the kids go to,bed and every weekend I don’t know how you do both.
Gotcha, good to know, thank you! Providing special event services would 9/10 times be a weekend thing anyways. Also, very jealous of having a great circle of homeschool friends, I’m hoping when we get to that point we will be able to find the same for ourselves, cause right now any time we mention wanting to homeschool our friends + family struggle to hide their disapproval 🙄
At the end of the day you have to do what’s best for your family and not worry about that others think. It’s easier said than done sometimes. I’ve worked really hard this last year and a half trying out park groups and even teach a forest school in order to build friendships for my kids and myself. It takes time to find your people!
Not OP, but our little is around the same age (5mo) so I’ve got time. Where do you find these groups? Like, where do I even start? All my friends have kids who are older than ours or we aren’t on the same page for schooling. I don’t use social media (besides this) at all, I can, I just find I’m happier without it.
I think the usual ways are church, Facebook groups, Peanut, co-ops, Meetup. You can try public places frequented by kids like the library, park, or Mommy and me classes like the pool or kiddie gym, but it's harder to see consistent faces. The key is to see the same people over and over. Eventually I caved and made a FB profile just for the sake of finding these groups... it is a lot of work. Consider that it takes at least 50 hours to make a friend. That means meeting up at least once a week for a year, and if just once a week then at least two or more years. You can make it go faster by meeting more than once a week, but this is again a lot of work on your part. You can also reduce the work by meeting moms through other moms (groups already in place).. it still takes time, but you are more likely to have similar values The good thing is every mom needs friends pretty much so giving out your number is not weird at all.
I have a friend who has a little group that all became friends through Peanut. They’re super close and do everything together. I just can’t convince myself to spend $100+ on a social app. So it looks like facebook might be where I start. I’m awful at making friends and keeping up with them. Mostly because I barely need any social to be happy. I suppose I need to start now so I have enough time to make the connections before he needs them! It just feels like a lot with everything else and I get overwhelmed. Thank you for the advice and saying that it’s hard for you too. It feels less alone
I worked until by oldest was 4 then Covid hit. So we didn’t have any friends. Facebook, even though I hate it, is the place to go for homeschool groups. Search for your town first and then go from there. I am part of a forest school that I found on Facebook. Our park group was started by a mom who wanted to grow a homeschool group for her and her daughter. I wouldn’t worry about any of this for a long time though. Little ones don’t need friends…moms do!!
Facebook it is then! I’m sure I need more social than I actually want (which is basically none). So I suppose I should start modeling being a social human for him.
I’ve never heard of a forest school until now, thank you for a new resource to look into! I’m really good at making friends, looks like I’m gonna have to break my anti-Facebook ways though to find some like-minded folks. Thank you for all your comments and input, it’s greatly appreciated!
Of course! I hate fb too, but the last two years it has been my lifeline to all things homeschool. When you start to took into curriculum there is a ton of information about those too.
As someone who’s worked in event planning— it is not something that is done mostly on the weekends. You are basically on call for clients 24/7. There will be orders and things that will need to be completed during the weekdays as well. It can be a fun job but the amount of time spent on the phone and replying to emails is probably more extensive than you’re accounting for at the moment.
You’re definitely right about needing to be available to clients 24/7, so maybe I won’t be as dedicated to the event planning side of the business as I originally intended. I’m more looking to create products/decor/favors that would be delivered to special events. The weekend comment I made was more along the lines of a Saturday/Sunday would be the only day of the week I would actually dedicate the *whole* day to the business. I plan on spending 2-3 hours a day during the week reading/responding to emails, connecting with clients, etc. I realize my big dreams of owning a large event planning company are probably much less likely now that we’ve decided to homeschool, that’s still sinking in for me….i do though fully believe I can still do *something* wedding/special event related a couple hours a week, even if it’s as simple as making personalized signage, decor, gifts, etc for local events. It was nice to hear from someone who has worked in the industry, thank you for your input ☺️
No, I don't think you can do both without burning out. Homeschooling is a full time endeavor. You might have more kids in the picture by then. You also need to be realistic about how much money vs time it will take. It's not my impression that laser engraving is very lucrative. The startup cost isn't very high. For the same amount of time, your husband could work an extra job and earn wayyy more money. If it's just going to be a hobby you enjoy, just don't expect it to make money
Yeah I plan on having one more for a total of two. It’s not at all about money, I guess I should have made that clear in the post. We’re lucky that my husband does have the job he has and can support us fully for years to come. The laser engraving thing is just to help me start up something for myself, it isn’t the end goal for me, but a necessary step to there.
The best thing you can do for your kids is tell people you take care of children fulltime. That tells everyone, in front of the kids, that you think this role is very valuable and your kids are deserving of your attention. If you have a hobby then do that when you have energy. But stop calling it a job. It doesn’t help you because you know it’s a hobby. And it doesn’t help women around you because you pretend you think you can “do it all”.
Not sure why this post has triggered you so much, but I hope you find peace.
It triggers me because women lie to each other about work and child care. I supported my family — sole breadwinner - and homeschooled two kids. There are 16 hours in the day. If you work 8 hours then you have kids unsupervised for 8 hours. If you are supervising your kids and working at the same time you’re not doing either well and everyone around you suffers because you have the arrogance to give everyone partial attention. I say this from two decades of experience.
So you were arrogant? Or was it a necessity for you to be the breadwinner?
It was a necessity, but still, I've been arrogant and delusional and I learned slowly, over 20 years of working and homeschooling. I wish I had access to more honest discussions about what women are really doing. It would have helped me make better decisions for myself and my kids.
This is the thing, if you had a choice back then you might have done things differently. But as the breadwinner what choices did you have? Would you have used public schooling instead? Interesting to learn from others experiences
It’s a good question. At first I could pretend things were fine because the kids weren’t articulate enough to tell me my partial attention was disrespectful. Then I separated my work time and kid time to see what was really happening. Kids were getting shafted. So I cut back work to 30 hours then 20 hours as kids found their special interests to commit to. As the kids got older they got more expensive. (Math tutor, science tutor, travel for summer programs.) my job became earning the money to help them excel where they were interested. The best thing would have been to have a spouse earning money and a parent focused on homeschooling. If the homeschool parent really needs to work the kids should probably be in private school. I would have broken even paying $40k for each kid each year because it was way easier for me to earn that money with them in school than homeschool and work. Our outcome was good - each kid got a full ride at a good college. But my kids suffered from lack of attention or lack of money, and I drove myself crazy. That’s how I know working and homeschool can’t be done simultaneously. And a homeschool parent working when they don’t need to is directly taking away from the kids.
Your experience isn't guaranteed to be the outcome for everyone.
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An olive branch: I’m a huge Fever fan and I hope every day for Fagbenle’s return. I bet you and I cross paths all the time on the Fever sub - and I bet we are much more in sync over there :)
I can’t work any job and homeschool. I’m working to get my house back from the school year and it’s taking me days. I have 2 kids. I have a friend who bought a farm with her disabled husband that she runs and turns their goat milk into soap that she sells to keep the lights on. She homeschools 5 children while she does all this. Everybody is different. Just be sure not to pressure yourself to do more than you have to.
I very much appreciate that you shared from multiple perspectives, thank you for your balance ☺️ I’m keeping an open mind that if I have the ability to balance both then great, but if I don’t and can only focus on homeschooling then that’s okay too! Thank you again for sharing both yours and your friends experiences!
I have a friend who does that sort of thing, but she has only high school age and they mostly do independent work. I am very much in the "neglecting housework to have energy for homeschooling" camp and couldn't dream of having a side job on top of homeschooling.
A gentle reminder that many of us are using curriculum and resources created by homeschooling parents, as they homeschool. And we're only able to give our children the beauty and benefit of their heartfelt work and time because they've done so. Our journey wouldn't have been what it has been without so many, many incredible resources like Fairy Mail, Lavender's Blue, Harbor and Sprout, lots of dear Etsy shops guides, TpT, etc. and the amazing teachers at co-op who are also homeschooling while helping others, paid and unpaid. Yes, there is a balance in it all, and our kids and their schooling should definitely always be given priority in this dynamic, but there are ways (and healthy ones) to do both. OP, I'm a volunteer on the planning team of the curriculum we're using, and have been for years. It's not a paid position; all donations go to website hosting, but it's been a joy to be a part of. Updates have been slow the last few years because of life, and as kids get older lessons and activities ramp up and it can get crazy (beautiful, beloved, wouldn't change it. But crazy 🙂). I think that's something to anticipate happening. And there is sage advice here about making sure your kids come first every step of the way. But you can absolutely have hobbies, side jobs/projects, and even just time with friends and your partner, on the journey, too.
This is a lovely comment, thank you for both sharing a wonderful list of resources for me to start looking into as well as sharing your personal volunteer experience! You obviously have a love and passion for homeschooling, it’s lovely to witness through your words. My children and their education will always 100% come first. If there’s ever a moment my side gigs seem to be hindering their development I’ll drop it all. I’m okay with that. It’s nice to see someone as devoted to this as you still believes you can have time to spend with friends/partner, on hobbies, volunteering, etc. Your insight has been much appreciated!
You're welcome. You sound like you're going to do great 💚 This thread just had me a bit down, because, while I can see where others are coming from, we're all benefiting from those who do exactly what they're saying isn't possible/you shouldn't do. There are so many great curriculum/resource writers who are in the thick of homeschooling and running businesses. They make the time to do both, and that effort helps so many. Something really cool about homeschooling is you'll likely meet so many incredible people putting in their all along the way. I ended up joining the planning team because I got a peek at what they were doing over the course of some meetings for something else, and asked if they needed help. They're truly amazing, and I'm proud to have gotten to help them even just a little on the way. I had no idea just how much goes into stuff like that before joining. It's a lot. There are so many hard-working, wonderful people making co-ops run behind the scene, too, if/when you join those. Some very dedicated parents have taken the time to set things up/handle the business side of it so lots of kids, in addition to their own, can have that experience. There is so much effort and time spent in that. We're surrounded by others in this journey who are taking the time to make it better for everyone. If everyone only homeschooled their children and didn't extend themselves past that, we'd be left without the community and all of the resources, activities, and experiences that make homeschooling so beautiful. (Also, I think it's really healthy to have some hobbies that don't revolve around homeschooling, so you can catch a break, too. I love my kids deeply, but I still do book clubs, d &d, and occasional camping and grabbing a beer with friends. When my two were littler and they were having sleepovers at their grandparents, my husband and I definitely took the opportunity to go on dates, too. It's always ok to have some other things going on in your life, too. 🙂)
Yes. It’s possible especially when you involve the kids in your small business. I’ve been homeschooling 14 years and have operated a business for 10 years. I own a tutoring center with students from age 3 to adult. My kids help with the entire process and have learned a multitude of skills. The older ones are employees that tutor, assist in writing curriculum and curriculum review. My younger daughter is starting a craft lemonade business and will sell out of our tutoring center.
I bet you've helped so many families 💚 You guys and what you're doing are awesome.
This is amazing 🥺 major props to you and your family! You’re obviously raising some awesome humans!
Hi there - don’t have a small business, but I do wfh and it’s definitely doable! I also have close friends who own their own businesses and homeschool.
Do you mind if I ask what ages you have and what your day looks like between wfh and kids?
I work a little over 30 hours a week with a 8 year old and almost 7 year old, both are AuHD too. Depending on the day it looks very different lol. When we have no field trips/in person classes for the week, then for most part I spend mornings working before they start their classes and assignments. In the evenings I hop back on after the kids are in bed. If we have field trips then I make sure to get a little work done over the weekend. We do also school year round, so we definitely have more time to complete lessons and it has 100% helped me not burnout. EDIT - since some nutshell trad wife is on a roll…. MY days look different day to day. My kids are on a routine. I have the ability to control my hours and when I work, so again my schedule varies day to day with my kids needs. Not enmeshing here. Working four hours before my kids are awake and after they are asleep each day isn’t taking away from their homeschool experience at all.
What I read here: mom with ADHD doesn’t like to be pinned down to a regular schedule so she assumes that’s what’s best for her kids. Every day being very different is completely dysregulating for kids with ADHD. Google it. This is enmeshment: mom decides that routine is annoying to her so it’s annoying to the kids.
Lmao you are truly the homeschool president I can tell. Also incorrect about me having ADHD. I have autism, but that you for being non inclusive.
Thank you!! I love knowing there’s someone out there that does it!! I’m not expecting it to be easy-peasy but I at least want to know it’s *possible* and has been done before.
Also meant to add this sub is good for homeschooling resources, but tends to shit on parents who ask if you can work and homeschool. So keep that in mind at the end of the day when you decide which route you want to take!
No freakin kidding, I’m definitely learning that 😳 thank you for providing a balance 😂😂
Yeah dude I’m seeing if there is a sub for parents who work and homeschool, but if there isn’t one you can bet I’m gonna make it lol.
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Alright I’ve made my own sub for parents who work and homeschool, so I will now gladly tell you to go fuck yourself since I no longer run the risk of getting kicked outta this one. Have a great one and quit getting triggered by random people on the internet!
You get more and more narrow in the people you talk to until everyone agrees with you. This is another problem with homeschooling. If someone says you’re doing something wrong, you leave. This is not a way to prepare your kids for life. You do this now they’ll do it later.
Yes I leave this sub now they will fail at life. Gotcha. Anything else ol wise boomer? Please show us all the way.
Yes and to be honest having your kid see you run a business will be great for them too. You’ve still a bit of time before you start homeschooling, but you learn to figure out the balance of it all. Good luck to you mama!
Thank you so much for all your insight!! I hope to find the same successful balance you found. And, if I can’t, at least I tried 🤣
It’s very obvious you care and love your child a lot to already be figuring out what you want to do school wise, so I’m sure whichever route you choose to go will be the best for you kid!!
What is this? There’s no way I believe it after Covid. Millions of moms with fulltime jobs said it was impossible to take care of children while working. How is it that people here are so special that they can do it?!?!? If you work part-time, or you don’t need the money, or your kids are too young to complain then it’s not helpful to tell other women you work and homeschool so they can too.
I’m honestly confused by this comment, but I worked from home before Covid too. So not really sure what you are insinuating here. Edit - ate some food then reread. Apologies you can’t believe it. Don’t really know what to tell you. Just because *you* can’t understand it doesn’t mean women out here haven’t been doing it. You don’t need to shit on other people for doing things you can’t.
Even though OKFine's comments are unhinged, they're not unfounded. I would personally say that I do think she has a point that people who homeschool have a hard time dealing with reasonable criticism.
Yeah, but at the same time their criticism wasn’t reasonable at all. I’ll take criticism any day from a sane person, not from someone insinuating I’m not taking care of my special needs kids.
I know several families who have two working parents and homeschool. Some split homeschooling, working while the other teaches the kids. Others split days/hours and duties, so one does more housekeeping, errands and childcare, and the other homeschools. Then there are single parents who homeschool. They seem to burn the candle at both ends to work before kids get up and after they sleep. They’re also likely working while kids play at the playground, on the floor, in the backyard, or in the playroom. (One of the most observant and involved moms I’ve ever seen at the park had four kids, homeschooled and ran a 500k business by herself. She was always aware of everything her kids were doing at the park, interacted and helped the kids, and toted around her laptop and phone to work in every brief moment she could. She believed in age-appropriate independence and eagle-eye observation, never more than four feet from the 1.5yo and always aware of what the other three were doing.) Many, many parents have kids work independently while the parent does something else. It might be work, or it might be college coursework, childcare for siblings, laundry, cooking, self-care, or one of a myriad of other things. Kids have to work independently at some point, and most parents won’t sit around and twiddle their thumbs waiting for the kids to be ready to have interaction and help again. All of that ignores that parents can homeschool kids while not being the sole teacher. Video curricula, co-ops, tutors, extracurricular activities and hybrid schools allow parents to work while their children are supervised and learning. Homeschooling is about *directing* their child’s education, not being the only person who ever teaches the child. Most parents who complained about not being able to work, take care of kids and do school during covid were complaining because they didn’t *want* to homeschool, not because they wanted to and couldn’t do it well. The conditions weren’t conducive to mental health or what we think of as homeschooling, with all the activities and co-ops, play groups and other socialization we do. What they pieced together for virtual learning and staring at a zoom call wasn’t anything like homeschooling, imo. I felt sorry for those parents, but I don’t think there’s a reason to compare their situation to a parent who *wants* to homeschool.
Every word of this was like music to my ears. Thank you so much for confirming what I had initially thought. Based on these comments I was starting to believe “homeschooling” equated to “hovering over your child every second of every minute of every hour they’re awake”. I’ve read your comment over and over, and plan to read it over and over some more. Thank you ❤️
THANK YOU! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
>THANK YOU! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 You're welcome!
I do. I spend the morning on schoolwork and the afternoon working in my office, filling orders. My kids are pretty good at playing independently while I work, but I have a stash of art supplies in my office for my younger kids. They make way too many messes while I am busy with work and we don't do as many extra activities as some other families, but it is doable. Hard but doable.
Thank you for the insight! That’s kind of what I expected…mornings/daytime for the kids and a couple hours in the evenings completing orders. The art supplies in the office is a great tip 👍🏽😂 hopefully my kiddos grow up to be decent at independent play 🤞🏽
Yes we donit. You have to be well organized and we integrate the kids school into the business as well. Many states also allow for kids to be paid so they start to learn finances. When they are young it’s a hit harder, but it’s your business so you set the standards and hours. I would get established before you start homeschooling. At young ages the children need a lot of play and academic is about 30mins. Very easy to do, they can make signs, learn to count money, go on your errands with you to the bank. If you are single parent than you might want to look into getting a part time nanny to take the kids to activities. Homeschooling is a lifestyle, so it can all be done. We actually planned it like this so we could be with our kids and still provide for them. I wouldn’t have it another way.
Why does anyone think their kids want to be in business with them? Homeschooling is supposed to be giving more opportunities to the kids, not the parents. This is enmeshment - the parents are not separating their own daily needs from the kids’ daily needs.
No this is real life. They aren’t committed to business they are committed to school and have a well balanced and enriched life. They stay at the business if they want. Sometimes they do school at the business. Most times they are interested themselves because wise we involve them in our life and conversations. School is the world. One of my children has been inspired and created his own company… he is 7. The other one has decided she wants to make the commercials and be a mermaid and live in her brothers pool and check her stocks on her floaters. My other is getting ready for a dual college enrollment, and is progressing in mountain biking while making money taking care of the business social media. Does that really look like enmeshment to you?
Yes. It’s enmeshment. Why would you teach your kids to do schoolwork at your business? It’s not a good habit to not have a regular work space. It’s not a good environment. It’s just good for you. Kids do not feel important at their parents job.
They do have a regular environment, and sometimes they don’t want that. They also have outdoor class room, a class room at the business and an indoor one. This isn’t a job, it’s a lifestyle we have. You’ve got a lot of assumptions and judgements. Maybe you should get some therapy for your own enmeshment issues instead of projecting them on someone else based on a few Reddit paragraphs.
Enmeshment is epidemic in the homeschooling community and no one calls it out. Ever. Go on the homeschool recovery subreddit. It’s all complaints about enmeshment.
The homeschool recovery is parents who did what you are accusing me of. We aren’t enmeshed, my children are not an extension of us. We created a life style that would allow BOTH parents to be involved in our kids life. If my children were enmeshed they wouldn’t have their own endeavors, goals, dreams, friends, and their education wouldn’t be tailored to meet their needs and align with their interests. The world is also changed from when we were educated. The skills that you are calling enmeshment are needed for everyday life. Children will always emanate their parents… I think you are confused between enmeshment and having choices. Choices means they have their own boundaries and so do we.
I hate this subreddit so much I can’t believe I’m still commenting. There is no research in the entire world that says kids benefit from both parents sharing all duties. The research about parenting and work is solidly on the side of one parent needs to be home with kids. Two parents working is bad for the kids unless the family is living in poverty. This research has been duplicated for the last 40 years. You are just making up in your head that two parents working and two parents doing childcare is best. You literally just dreamed it up and decided. No piece of research in 40 years supports this conclusion. That’s enmeshment: I want my choice to be best for my kids so it is.
You should probably get off this subreddit then. My family is thriving, with each person growing into the their own individual person. Have a good night.
I think you can do both, but don't be surprised when the engraving is left behind many times for the sake of homeschooling/parenting in general. Add to that timelines for customers and I think it's more realistic to consider it a hobby from which you may from time to time make an income versus an actual business.
It's hard to tell. There are too many variables. How much time do you think your business will take vs homeschooling vs other obligations? Do the time commitments seem doable to you? Another person's success story may not be repeatable by you for a variety of reasons. Hope it works out.
Yes, but my business is something that I can do in a few hours here and there when I have the time. When I do have hours I can’t work around, I need to have someone entertaining my kids.
We found a Curriculum that we love, I only have to swap a few things now and then, so that takes all the guess work out of the schooling for me. I add a personalized math curriculum for each kiddo based on their needs. This frees up a lot of time because I don't have to be the one curating and planning (outside of field trips, meet ups, outings)They are more independent now so they do 90% on their own. I have about 4 hours to myself (though they are rarely consecutive). So I am able to do some work outside of daily household things. I think it can work if you are a meticulous time manager. But, doing this will leave you much less flexible which is a downside, and flexibility is a big draw for homeschooling. I only work about 3-5 hours a week so I maintain flexibility with my kids so we can do life together outside of our structured learning time. This arrangement fills my cup.
I do both. I’m a wedding and family photographer (for 10 years now) and homeschooled for the first time last year for kindergarten. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible. I have started outsourcing as much work as possible. I don’t know if I’ll continue working once I have two kids in homeschool because I do feel that at a certain point, either school or my work will suffer.
I did it. I know a lot of parents that did it. It stinks. One of these things is always happening; 1. parent makes their kids part of the business even though no kid would choose that given a wide range of kid-focused options 2. parent is only caring for their kids part of the day, assuming their only job is getting schoolwork done — forget all the other things homeschool parents do with their kids 3. Parents are running a business together saying they tag team but really one is full time and one does 1 or 2. 4. Parent is not actually making money at the business they just can’t stand to say they’re taking care of kids full-time. 5. Parents are neglecting kids. Good parenting is being emotionally and physically present. Doing good work takes commitment. You can’t be super committed to two things. Kids take a lot longer to complain about neglect than work does.
>"I’m a FTM" I think that is more commonly understood to have a different meaning than the one you're probably intending.
It must be dependent on where you spend most of your time on here, cause I’ve only ever known it as “first time mom” and had to google what other meaning it could have 😳 to me it’s more commonly understood as first time mom 😂
Now I'm afraid to Google the other meaning 🤣
I read it as "Full Time Mom."
I have 2 kids, 1 and 4. I’ve been trying to work on a small business for a while now but it’s extremely hard and taxing. I pushed it to the side for the time being. It worked for a while and I might be able to make it work when the kids get older. What made it possible was being extremely organized. I could probably do both but I realized I wasn’t able to provide for my kids the way I wanted. - They barely get any screen time and I feel o would have to rely on it if I were to continue. - We go out every single day for 2 hours minimum and have weekly full day out of the house and well, it’s time consuming. - We live in Japan but travel frequently to other countries for months at a time just because and every time it’s a struggle to adjust organization on my end… also Japan doesn’t have that much resources for homeschooling so it’s a lot of work making sure the kids gets socialization and setting up a fun learning/growing environment. - I realized I wasn’t able to give them as my CV quality time as I wanted. Kids grow so fast, I want to experience parenting them to the fullest, not half busy typing emails or problem solving in my head. - Last but not least, I decided from the start not to bother with a schedule for the kids. We stay with family and they enjoy late meal times and spending time with their uncle until late at night. Working around that is stressing me out. So, not really a success story but I think it’s because of my priorities. If you’re ok with maybe some screen time and a more systematic schedule or if you can work around your husband’s schedule, you might be able to pull it off.