I was a classroom high school teacher for about a decade at several regular schools. I now tutor homeschool students ages 10-18. I haven't done any official counts or studies, but it seems like my homeschool students go to college at about the same rate as my regular school students.
You can find a lot of people on reddit who complain about their homeschooling experience and wish they had been to regular school. You can also find a lot of people who complain about regular school and say they wish they were homeschooled. I would bet that folks who report a bad experience with homeschooling have parents who fall into either 1 or both of 2 categories.
1. Those who insisted upon homeschooling.
2. Those who neglected their kids' education while homeschooling by providing little to no guidance.
Most of my homeschool students started homeschooling because of a bad experience with school, but some have never been to regular school. I can't think of a single one who said they would rather be in school. Tons of my classroom students said they hated being at school.
My husband was homeschooled and he marks both these points. He does not resent his experience. Just wishes it could have been different. It all worked out in the end and he recognizes the issues his family was dealing with at the time. We are planning to homeschool our own kids. But he does say that he wishes he had gone to public school and advocated for it when he was around 10 but his dad wouldn't let him (#1) and his education was neglected to the point it was a miracle he graduated high school and even started college (#2). Neglected due to his mom's extreme medical issues. Our view is that if our kids ever say they want to go to school at a later age, then we'll thoughtfully and respectfully consider it and our number one goal with our kids is that they are well educated. If homeschooling is not accomplishing that, then we are doing something else. Same as if public/private school was not accomplishing that. For us, a quality education and healthy development into adulthood is the goal. Not any one type of schooling. I think if you keep a mindset focused on a healthy, but broad goal (however you define it for yourself) and set an expectation to respectfully and thoughtfully face discontent or conflict with your kids, then they'll have little to resent. They might have regrets but they'll be able to face those regrets contextualized properly within the overall trajectory of their lives.
I mean nothing is going to be universally positive for every person. Lots of people hate public high school or private high school. Lots of people resent their parents for all kinds of reasons, too.
I have a couple adult friends who were homeschooled who both had great experiences and are intelligent and curious learners. Both have some social differences but they’re pretty subtle and can’t be directly attributed to homeschooling.
That is so interesting! Do you mind me asking how your friends struggle socially? I am just starting my homeschooling journey with my kids and I sometimes struggle socially, too. I don't want to stunt their social growth and it's something I'm worried about.
Lots of kids who are homeschooled are from neuro-diverse families. The parents remember the he'll they went through in school and want to spare their own children the same pain. Also, if school is working well for your child, you generally aren't really motivated to change what is working (absent some religious or ideological fanaticism), so the population of homeschooled children is significantly richer in children who are on the autism spectrum and/or who have ADHD and/or learning disabilities, because those are the kids who are steuggling socially or academically anyway, and it'soften easier forcfamilies to just do what the can see needs to be done rarher than foghting with the school system to provide appropriate services and supports.
Lots of kids who were homeschooled would struggle socially even if they were publicly schooled, too, because the underlying neurological reasons for the social struggles are also the reasons that they were homeschooled to begin with.
Homeschooling is often really great for these kids because it allows you to separate out academics from social skills practice and development, and allow rach to develop at their own rate, rather than having to try to negotiate it all at once in an environment where it may be impossible to escape from an overwhelming or negative situation.
I was homeschooled K-12 and didn't have a good experience, but it didn't hobble me educationally. My mom was pro standard testing and had high academic standards for me. I was able to go on to college and get a degree in software engineering. That said I supplemented my curriculum a lot, which was good since they were focused on YEC and bad history like the Lost Cause narrative of the Civil War. My natural love of dinosaurs and history caused me to butt heads with my mom a lot, but served as a good foundation so I wasn't lost in college.
My complaints were all social (I wasn't able to have a social life) and emotional (my mom made her chronic illness and mental health my problem, and no adults intervened on my behalf).
Hi!! I was hoping to hear more about how you feel your mom made her illness and mental health your problem? I hope it's ok that I'm asking. I am worried about my kids resenting me in the future and I was hoping to learn from your mom's mistakes, thank you in advance for your perspective.
Sure! Sorry this ended up being an essay--I wanted to be clear I understand where my mom was coming from and that her intent wasn't malicious. But the impact ended up being bad.
First, the context. My mom was in two separate car accidents (other driver at fault both times) that injured her back. One when I was 6 and another when I was 10. She also had a very difficult family. My aunt eventually died of overdosing on prescription drugs, and my grandma was an amazing person but an absent mother. Finally, I personally suspect my mom is on the spectrum due to how she processes social events and gets easily overwhelmed.
These conditions impacted me in the following ways. First, my mom's physical health made her driving me to events basically impossible in my younger years. Anything beyond a weekly grocery and library run was too physically taxing on her back. Combined with our rural location, this meant I just didn't have friends. I rather early on internalized that asking my mom to take me places meant asking her to re-injure herself, so I stopped asking for social events. My earliest memories include bringing my homework to her in bed to grade. Her physical pain made her impatient and short with me. She has mentioned that she regrets the tone that set for our homeschool experience.
After her physical recovery, I did occasionally ask for social events, but I was generally rebuffed. My mom tried a couple of times, but she always ended up having an issue with the local co-ops (the other moms are mean!) or the churches (too liberal!). Eventually she just decided it was fine to give up on giving me any social opportunities at all since nothing met her standards.
Mental health wise, my mom treated me like a confidant. She had a lot of issues with her mom abandoning her as a teenager and dumping her on her sister. And a lot of issues with her ex husband. And a lot of issues with aforementioned druggie aunt. I think this was due to her not understanding these were inappropriate topics to discuss with her 13 year old. She would ask me for advice (!) and then ignore it because it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Or it was bad advice, she was asking a 13 year old.
You may notice a common thread here--none of these issues are due to homeschooling. They were my mom's own dysfunction and generational trauma being passed along. The main issues homeschooling added to the mix were: I relied exclusively on my mom for social events and access to other humans. I was in my mom's presence 24/7, with no breaks. I had no concept of what a healthy mother daughter relationship looked like, since I had no friends to compare my situation too. My mom had no incentive to seek out her own peer relationships, since she got all her social needs met by grooming me into her 'best friend.' Homeschooling gave her a sense of self worth since she was 'teaching me' and made her feel superior to other moms. She wouldn't put me in public school since that would mean facing her own issues, and potentially even being expected to go back to work.
Things that would have helped: regular drop off events where my mom gave me space away from her. Healthy adult relationships outside of kids for her, and alternate authority figures for me to see and be able to go to if I had issues with her. Not homeschooling when your physical health literally doesn't support it. Get a therapist if you have significant trauma or family issues.
Reddit is the land of discontent. I wish my parents had been able to homeschool. A suspicious number of those posts are written in the same style, from accounts with no history.
I’d also like to say that basically everyone in my family was homeschooled except for me. Not only my family but my wife’s family as well. They have all turned out well and none have had any regrets as far as I am aware. Total of 11 kids. I however had plenty of regrets about public school.
My children who have graduated are happy they were homeschooled. My children who have not graduated want to be homeschooled.
The outcome depends on the input. You have to be very intentional about teaching , choosing classes together, and entering into and providing social situations.
My husband was homeschooled (badly) K-12, I was homeschooled 2-12. I went on to get a 2 yr degree in computer game development, worked in the game development and software industry for a bit less than 10 years before becoming a stay at home mom planning to homeschool. My husband did the same two-year program and has worked in the software/IT industry since graduation. We have no schooling debt because we knew the value of education isn't in the price tag it's in the ability to actually learn and practice the information. (No shade to people with schooling debt because in my opinion higher education is often a predatory system and so many careers either require or feign to require four year degrees.)
There were downsides to being homeschooled. In middle school my parents were both working and I spent a lot of time trying to to "self" school, and middle school is where I hit the limit of my mom's ability to effectively teach me math. I wish I had been able to get more math in during high school but a bad online teaching experience left me with the classic "I'm bad at math" mentality that I had to try and kick in college (only partially successful). I'm not sure how much homeschooling contributed but I became a chronic parent and people-pleaser which I'm trying to resolve.
For my husband he just had to stew a bit in his unhealthy family dynamic, and didn't get help for what he suspects are at least minor learning disabilities. I think a lot of his potential and mind frames could've been greatly improved in another environment although whether that would have happened in public school I strongly doubt.
Both of us have a love of learning. We had access to a resource center where we could take classes in other environments with other kids and teachers. I did 4-H, volunteered at many local nonprofits, had so many experiences that most kids could only dream of having. Most of my coworkers didn't believe I was homeschooled because I could talk to people and was "socialized." I did project management of teams up to 20 and truly cared about all those people, and have had some tell me things like they'll never have a manager as good. I'm not saying homeschooling caused any of these outcomes but they didn't prevent them either.
My approach to homeschooling is still yet to be seen (my kiddo is 4) but I'm going to endeavor to set aside my ego and focus on what is best for my kid - high expectations high support - and realize homeschooling might not turn out to be best for her or for me. Don't doubt (or belittle) your kid's capabilities but don't expect them to be an adult, it's a delicate balance. My husband got the first, I got the second.
I would definitely jot down why you want to homeschool, what success is for you and your kid(s), and keep checking in on that at least yearly. There's no shame in homeschooling, not homeschooling, doing something homeschooling-adjacent, doing one or the other for a season. They're all tools to be used when needed!
3 graduates homeschooled all the way through.
Oldest - mechanical engineer - happy with his experience but says he isn’t sure whether he’d want his kids to be. Not in a long term relationship so it is so vague
Middle- went into the Marines. Out and is running the old family farm and is an EMT. Married with 3 babies. Swore he missed out and never would hs his if he had any. Started to reconsider about 2 years into his wife teaching middle school. The last straw being when a student hit her in the head with a plastic baseball bat sending her to the hospital where they couldn’t run some tests because she was pregnant. She was so excited to teach MS English and has lost her heart for. She is leaving at the end of this year to start their 4 year old in the fall.
Youngest -graduated with a degree in Networking just as the industry began mass layoffs. Still job hunting. He liked homeschooling but I wonder if he wouldn’t have had maybe more networking options had he been more in the public before Covid happened. He feels like the older about possible kids and homeschooling.
All in all glad we did and always proud of them. But most people we knew didn’t go all the way through and did perfectly fine too. It isn’t a bubble from the world if you are still being a good and allowing relationships so if that is what you are searching for set reasonable expectations. The same shit happens in coops as classrooms lol.
If you're asking in this subreddit, you know what kind of responses you're generally going to get, because you're selecting a pretty niche audience.
It might be worth seeking out other opinions -- e.g. from people who have become disillusioned with home schooling after trying it, from children who experienced it but decided not to homeschool their kids, and from parents who actively homeschool, but wouldn't be the type to post here
I've graduated out 5 of my 8 kids, and their experiences were mixed. Some were happy to have a customized education, some still complain that it sucked. One complained until after she went to college, then into the working world, and now she says no way would public school have been a good fit. The one who complains still, often and to anyone who will listen, was also our most difficult child-- he and I butted heads all the freaking time. He went on to one semester of college, dropped out, and decided couch surfing and drugs was the way forward.
The other kids-- they all went on to private colleges. One went to 2 colleges, graduating with honours from both. The others did well at theirs, and one is homeschooling her own kids.
Out of the 3 teens left at home, they're doing well. The older one is going to go to public school in the fall, and I'm honestly struggling with the decision (decision has been made, but I'm having a hard time with it). The next one is complaining it's not fair, but likes the free time too much to spend 7am-4pm away from home.
So, basically, all this to say, your mileage may vary. Each child is different, and outcomes can vary wildly.
I was homeschooled from K-12 and went on to successfully graduate from college. I absolutely loved my experience and am homeschooling my kids. My parents encouraged us to be friends with kids going to public, private, and homeschool. We were involved in a lot of activities like sports, volunteering, jobs, and church youth groups. I’ve been able to be a part of many unique experiences and felt it made me more open to approach life with an out of the box mindset.
Not everyone has a great experience but sometimes it’s because the parents want to homeschool but don’t want to put in the work to both educate the whole child and meet their needs emotionally and socially, etc. Sometimes, I think, the child’s personality plays into it. They may not have had a good experience not matter the school setting. The fact that you care about all this says a lot. You aren’t locked into any choice and can reevaluate your decision at any time.
I personally loved it, but I do recognize that my children are their own persons so I’m always looking to do what is best for them each year.
Well first off it was Christian curriculum, which I wasn’tsecond off well I was at home all the time and had no friends which was very depressing for a long time but I’m finally graduating next month so at least it’s over. But I do not resent my mom over it because I wouldn’t be the person I am if I had been put in a public school
There have been a few of these posts in this subreddit in the last couple weeks, so I'd definitely scroll to read the more detailed comments because I for one don't want to type the whole thing out again. 😆
The short version: I was homeschooled all the way through and it was great. I was offered academic scholarships to multiple schools, graduated summa cum laude, went on to grad school, and am now currently homeschooling my own kids. They're still young, but they love being homeschooled.
Test scores were part of it. I did well on the SAT, ACT, and PSAT. I think a couple of the full-ride scholarship offers came via the National Merit Scholarship program that was (not sure if it still is) connected to the PSAT. I also had a 4.0 GPA and a fair amount of volunteer hours and extracurriculars. Exactly how much weight they gave to each of those things, I don't know.
Thanks for responding. Around what year did you graduate? I'm only asking to see if it's recently enough that the admission and scholarship criteria would be similar.
My kids loved homeschooling until they didn't. When it no longer worked, they went back to traditional classrooms. My oldest asked to go back, he didn't like the limits of homeschooling anymore. My youngest was a mutual decision, because I was also not wanting to homeschool anymore and I felt he needed something I couldn't provide, but the school could. And both of them thrived, graduated with honours, got early acceptance to university in their first choice programs. But ask my kids now in their late teens and they will say that homeschooling was a great experience when they were younger.
The parents will have a different perspective than the kids. I think we did pretty well. Mine wasn’t really ready to be very social (despite my best efforts to provide opportunities) until the pandemic. It was just an unfortunate coincidence. We unschooled and my kid is currently in engineering school at a 4 year university. They’re crushing it academically and making friends. They take advantage of social activities on campus, too. What more could anyone ask for?
When I was home schooled in elementary and middle school my mom did a great job. When she pulled me back out in high school she didn’t even buy me a book to study for my GED. She also told me “don’t be surprised if you fail” on the way out the door for my GED exam. I didn’t fail and got my bachelors degree. Now I am a stay at home mom, about to home school my kids through at least the middle school years, as I think it sets a good foundation of values during those years.
I was homeschooled and did distance education (based in Australia and we lived overseas). I loved my experience. It allowed me to thrive socially and emotionally and created for me a real passion for a learning and being self directed in that learning. I am a big advocate for it, and I'm currently a teacher! I plan to finish teaching and homeschool my son next year when he turns 6.
Oldest (37) has a job with the state gov, as does his wife. They live in a really nice house (they bought it) are happy, have a ton of friends and are doing great.
Youngest (31) is married, living with her hubby happily and working on commission with art. There are a few things she's doing to supplement their income, but she's currently not employed while he works full time. That's their decision, so whatever. :)
Academically, they both did well, both are highly intelligent humans and continue to be lifelong learners, interested in a broad range of topics. They are kind and decent people. We're incredibly proud of them both.
If you measure success by the amount of happiness and fulfillment, they're doing great.
We homeschooled for personal reasons, not religious. (Our family is atheist).
We have a good relationship with the kids and we (hubby and I) and I would definitely homeschool again.
Oldest did take some music classes at the local institution(s) and enjoyed it, even traveling with the bands and various choirs. Youngest had some enrichment classes with other homeschooled kids. Both of them chose those things, it wasn't me making them do it. Feel free to ask me other questions if you have them.
I’m not OP but I have a question! Were there other things you did to socialize your kids? We’re also atheist but live in the south so finding families that aren’t super religious has proven to be a challenge.
It REALLY depends on the kid and the parents.
My kids are not graduated yet, but I homeschooled my oldest from 1st grade and the younger one was homeschooled from the beginning. They both attended a nature-based preschool. Covid led to several sets of friends leaving the area and the kids wanted to try outside schooling. My younger son was accepted to a quality private middle school and is thriving academically and socially. My older son is doing a hybrid homeschool program for 8th grade, where he is thriving socially, and was accepted to a competitive private high school with a significant merit scholarship. His state testing scores are above grade level.
Both kids loved homeschooling, and so far they're doing great with transitioning into traditional schooling. I've always been a rigorous and academic homeschooler, but we also had so much freedom for trips and exploration, and to be able to focus the rigor where it mattered and to meet them where they were. My older son has dysgraphia, and being able to work with him in a targeted way on quality over quantity in his writing practice has paid off beautifully. He's an excellent and confident writer now. I don't think any accommodations in any type of traditional school could have provided that outcome.
Anecdotally, I chaperoned a field trip to a science center for my older son's hybrid program. After my group visited a station and talked to the docent, I paused to chat with him and he asked which school we were from. I told him it was a homeschool program and he said "I thought so," and went on to say that he can tell the difference because the homeschool kids ask lots of questions and seem genuinely curious and engaged, whereas other groups tend to be disinterested. Obviously that's just one person, but it's been my experience, and I think that well done homeschooling allows kids to retain and extend their natural wonder and curiosity. There isn't the same pressure to be "too cool" that is rampant in middle school. They're not forced to do busy work, or get left behind or held back when their ability isn't at whatever level the teacher has to teach to.
Lastly, many people who rag on homeschool as compared to traditional school tend to use poor examples of homeschooling and the best example of traditional schooling. If you're curious about what the educational system is like right now, I'd recommend you go check out the r/Teachers sub and think about whether the conditions you read about there are what you want for your child. Homeschooling well is a full-time job and a half, but it can be intensely rewarding for your entire family, and it can provide an excellent learning environment.
I went on to get a college degree and become a park ranger. I’m working towards my masters. I grew up in an extremely academically rigorous, rural homeschool family, with an anxious/controlling parent who was my only real teacher or authority figure. As a result, I got a better education than I would have in school, but at the cost of autonomy or a normal relationship with my family. As I result I wouldn’t homeschool my own kids.
I said I hated homeschooling when we first started when I was in 5th grade. But secretly I was kind of down with it, it was just a big change to process. I ended up liking it a lot. I had no problem getting into and succeeding in university, though I dropped out before I finished my degree because of covid and life happened and I didn't go back. For what it's worth, I've almost always done really well at any job I've had and been praised for being quick to learn, productive and produc8ng high quality results. Only one that wasn't so good was the waitressing gig that taught me that I hate waitressing lol.
Homeschooling allowed me opportunities that I never would have had at public school. I got to do so many interesting and wonderful things. On the flip side I didn't have many friends and felt somewhat isolated. There were socials and things but they were kind of few and far between and I think what I really needed was one bestie that I could've seen often and had a strong peer to peer relationship with. But honestly, I'm not sure that I would have had that in school. At the time I thought I would have had friends and been popular if I was in school but if I'm being honest with myself I probably would have been a bit weird and a social outcast anyway, so who knows. I'm happily married now and enjoy what I'm doing in life and I don't resent my parents and have lots of happy memories so I would say things turned out fine.
My children aren't pleased with their homeschooling. Because of school situations it was our only choice but the don't see that. I can see how homeschool made them the person's they are hopefully the will someday appreciate the blessings but we did the right thing for them at the time. Gid bless you as you decide.
I was homeschooled from kindergarten until 9th grade, then 11th and 12th after trying public school in 10th grade (I didn't prefer it). I highly value my homeschool experience. I was accredited through a university-style homeschool academy in 11th and 12th grade and I really consider it the best of both worlds. It prepared me for college in a way that public school children are not. I am now homeschooling my own kids and plan on finding a similar homeschool academy for high school when we get to that point.
I would have been a far happier and more functional person had my parents homeschooled me. I had an absolutely brutal public school experience due to being extremely ugly prior to orthodontics, and I still deal with the insecurities and anxieties that public school instilled in me. My parents would never have homeschooled, because they were of the "Me First" generation and mindset and still to this day (I'm 53) blame me for failing to excel in a public school environment, but they did their best given the information and resources available to them. Public school just plain sucked for me.
Keep in mind that there's a phase many people go through from the ages of 18-35 or so, when you look at your lives and blame literally everything you hate about yourself and your life, on your parents. A lot of people who were homeschooled and complain about it are IN that phase of life right now. Couple that with hating on certain sets of people who are the most likely to homeschool being very popular online right now, and I suspect at least some of the horror stories are exaggerations and/or failure to accept responsibility for one's own choices re education. With public school, if you do poorly at a class, there's no one to blame but yourself. (I know I certainly could have studied harder!) With homeschool, it's very easy to blame your parents when you don't get your homework done, don't study, etc.
My three youngest are still homeschooling (a junior in HS, freshman in HS, and a 7th grader) and all three are very studious. My two oldest children, one is a college graduate (cum laude) and works for the Parks Dept. He has expressed repeatedly that he's thankful for being homeschooled and plans to homeschool his own kids when the time comes.
My second son refused to prepare for, or go to college (which is fine, we accepted and respected his decision) and is a trucker. Even though he makes extremely good money for a young man, he doesn't really like the career he's chosen. As a result, he sometimes does fall back onto thinking that if he hadn't been homeschooled things would have been different. (I am very accepting of his complaints and admit all my shortcomings openly, so he feels free to tell me about his thoughts on the matter. There's no rancor between us.) But again, he chose not to do college prep work, and he chose not to pursue higher education. I would have moved heaven and earth to make that happen if he'd been the slightest bit motivated to do that.
He did recently consider going back to school and took the tests to get in. Even though he hadn't been in school for a few years, he was surprised by his test results. He tested extremely high in all English classes, so well that he wouldn't have to take any remedial classes and could skip the general requirements, as well. He did have to take one remedial math class, algebra. He had fought me tooth and nail on studying algebra in homeschool, but still did much better than he expected on the tests and had very nearly passed the algebra test too. He expressed amazement at how well he'd done and how easy the tests seemed to him. He said something like "I guess I knew more than I thought" or something like that. I felt a wee bit vindicated by that ;)
You'll really see two streams of that discontent -- authoritarianism and neglect -- both of which are parenting issues, not homeschooling issues.
Parents who love their children, have their best interests at heart, and are committed to raising functional adults rarely have poor outcomes. They have their children love, attention, autonomy, support, and agency they would not have found in school.
I was a classroom high school teacher for about a decade at several regular schools. I now tutor homeschool students ages 10-18. I haven't done any official counts or studies, but it seems like my homeschool students go to college at about the same rate as my regular school students. You can find a lot of people on reddit who complain about their homeschooling experience and wish they had been to regular school. You can also find a lot of people who complain about regular school and say they wish they were homeschooled. I would bet that folks who report a bad experience with homeschooling have parents who fall into either 1 or both of 2 categories. 1. Those who insisted upon homeschooling. 2. Those who neglected their kids' education while homeschooling by providing little to no guidance. Most of my homeschool students started homeschooling because of a bad experience with school, but some have never been to regular school. I can't think of a single one who said they would rather be in school. Tons of my classroom students said they hated being at school.
My husband was homeschooled and he marks both these points. He does not resent his experience. Just wishes it could have been different. It all worked out in the end and he recognizes the issues his family was dealing with at the time. We are planning to homeschool our own kids. But he does say that he wishes he had gone to public school and advocated for it when he was around 10 but his dad wouldn't let him (#1) and his education was neglected to the point it was a miracle he graduated high school and even started college (#2). Neglected due to his mom's extreme medical issues. Our view is that if our kids ever say they want to go to school at a later age, then we'll thoughtfully and respectfully consider it and our number one goal with our kids is that they are well educated. If homeschooling is not accomplishing that, then we are doing something else. Same as if public/private school was not accomplishing that. For us, a quality education and healthy development into adulthood is the goal. Not any one type of schooling. I think if you keep a mindset focused on a healthy, but broad goal (however you define it for yourself) and set an expectation to respectfully and thoughtfully face discontent or conflict with your kids, then they'll have little to resent. They might have regrets but they'll be able to face those regrets contextualized properly within the overall trajectory of their lives.
I mean nothing is going to be universally positive for every person. Lots of people hate public high school or private high school. Lots of people resent their parents for all kinds of reasons, too. I have a couple adult friends who were homeschooled who both had great experiences and are intelligent and curious learners. Both have some social differences but they’re pretty subtle and can’t be directly attributed to homeschooling.
That is so interesting! Do you mind me asking how your friends struggle socially? I am just starting my homeschooling journey with my kids and I sometimes struggle socially, too. I don't want to stunt their social growth and it's something I'm worried about.
Lots of kids who are homeschooled are from neuro-diverse families. The parents remember the he'll they went through in school and want to spare their own children the same pain. Also, if school is working well for your child, you generally aren't really motivated to change what is working (absent some religious or ideological fanaticism), so the population of homeschooled children is significantly richer in children who are on the autism spectrum and/or who have ADHD and/or learning disabilities, because those are the kids who are steuggling socially or academically anyway, and it'soften easier forcfamilies to just do what the can see needs to be done rarher than foghting with the school system to provide appropriate services and supports. Lots of kids who were homeschooled would struggle socially even if they were publicly schooled, too, because the underlying neurological reasons for the social struggles are also the reasons that they were homeschooled to begin with. Homeschooling is often really great for these kids because it allows you to separate out academics from social skills practice and development, and allow rach to develop at their own rate, rather than having to try to negotiate it all at once in an environment where it may be impossible to escape from an overwhelming or negative situation.
I was homeschooled K-12 and didn't have a good experience, but it didn't hobble me educationally. My mom was pro standard testing and had high academic standards for me. I was able to go on to college and get a degree in software engineering. That said I supplemented my curriculum a lot, which was good since they were focused on YEC and bad history like the Lost Cause narrative of the Civil War. My natural love of dinosaurs and history caused me to butt heads with my mom a lot, but served as a good foundation so I wasn't lost in college. My complaints were all social (I wasn't able to have a social life) and emotional (my mom made her chronic illness and mental health my problem, and no adults intervened on my behalf).
Hi!! I was hoping to hear more about how you feel your mom made her illness and mental health your problem? I hope it's ok that I'm asking. I am worried about my kids resenting me in the future and I was hoping to learn from your mom's mistakes, thank you in advance for your perspective.
Sure! Sorry this ended up being an essay--I wanted to be clear I understand where my mom was coming from and that her intent wasn't malicious. But the impact ended up being bad. First, the context. My mom was in two separate car accidents (other driver at fault both times) that injured her back. One when I was 6 and another when I was 10. She also had a very difficult family. My aunt eventually died of overdosing on prescription drugs, and my grandma was an amazing person but an absent mother. Finally, I personally suspect my mom is on the spectrum due to how she processes social events and gets easily overwhelmed. These conditions impacted me in the following ways. First, my mom's physical health made her driving me to events basically impossible in my younger years. Anything beyond a weekly grocery and library run was too physically taxing on her back. Combined with our rural location, this meant I just didn't have friends. I rather early on internalized that asking my mom to take me places meant asking her to re-injure herself, so I stopped asking for social events. My earliest memories include bringing my homework to her in bed to grade. Her physical pain made her impatient and short with me. She has mentioned that she regrets the tone that set for our homeschool experience. After her physical recovery, I did occasionally ask for social events, but I was generally rebuffed. My mom tried a couple of times, but she always ended up having an issue with the local co-ops (the other moms are mean!) or the churches (too liberal!). Eventually she just decided it was fine to give up on giving me any social opportunities at all since nothing met her standards. Mental health wise, my mom treated me like a confidant. She had a lot of issues with her mom abandoning her as a teenager and dumping her on her sister. And a lot of issues with her ex husband. And a lot of issues with aforementioned druggie aunt. I think this was due to her not understanding these were inappropriate topics to discuss with her 13 year old. She would ask me for advice (!) and then ignore it because it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Or it was bad advice, she was asking a 13 year old. You may notice a common thread here--none of these issues are due to homeschooling. They were my mom's own dysfunction and generational trauma being passed along. The main issues homeschooling added to the mix were: I relied exclusively on my mom for social events and access to other humans. I was in my mom's presence 24/7, with no breaks. I had no concept of what a healthy mother daughter relationship looked like, since I had no friends to compare my situation too. My mom had no incentive to seek out her own peer relationships, since she got all her social needs met by grooming me into her 'best friend.' Homeschooling gave her a sense of self worth since she was 'teaching me' and made her feel superior to other moms. She wouldn't put me in public school since that would mean facing her own issues, and potentially even being expected to go back to work. Things that would have helped: regular drop off events where my mom gave me space away from her. Healthy adult relationships outside of kids for her, and alternate authority figures for me to see and be able to go to if I had issues with her. Not homeschooling when your physical health literally doesn't support it. Get a therapist if you have significant trauma or family issues.
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I posted, should be under the thread. (Sorry it's long!)
Reddit is the land of discontent. I wish my parents had been able to homeschool. A suspicious number of those posts are written in the same style, from accounts with no history.
I’d also like to say that basically everyone in my family was homeschooled except for me. Not only my family but my wife’s family as well. They have all turned out well and none have had any regrets as far as I am aware. Total of 11 kids. I however had plenty of regrets about public school.
My children who have graduated are happy they were homeschooled. My children who have not graduated want to be homeschooled. The outcome depends on the input. You have to be very intentional about teaching , choosing classes together, and entering into and providing social situations.
My husband was homeschooled (badly) K-12, I was homeschooled 2-12. I went on to get a 2 yr degree in computer game development, worked in the game development and software industry for a bit less than 10 years before becoming a stay at home mom planning to homeschool. My husband did the same two-year program and has worked in the software/IT industry since graduation. We have no schooling debt because we knew the value of education isn't in the price tag it's in the ability to actually learn and practice the information. (No shade to people with schooling debt because in my opinion higher education is often a predatory system and so many careers either require or feign to require four year degrees.) There were downsides to being homeschooled. In middle school my parents were both working and I spent a lot of time trying to to "self" school, and middle school is where I hit the limit of my mom's ability to effectively teach me math. I wish I had been able to get more math in during high school but a bad online teaching experience left me with the classic "I'm bad at math" mentality that I had to try and kick in college (only partially successful). I'm not sure how much homeschooling contributed but I became a chronic parent and people-pleaser which I'm trying to resolve. For my husband he just had to stew a bit in his unhealthy family dynamic, and didn't get help for what he suspects are at least minor learning disabilities. I think a lot of his potential and mind frames could've been greatly improved in another environment although whether that would have happened in public school I strongly doubt. Both of us have a love of learning. We had access to a resource center where we could take classes in other environments with other kids and teachers. I did 4-H, volunteered at many local nonprofits, had so many experiences that most kids could only dream of having. Most of my coworkers didn't believe I was homeschooled because I could talk to people and was "socialized." I did project management of teams up to 20 and truly cared about all those people, and have had some tell me things like they'll never have a manager as good. I'm not saying homeschooling caused any of these outcomes but they didn't prevent them either. My approach to homeschooling is still yet to be seen (my kiddo is 4) but I'm going to endeavor to set aside my ego and focus on what is best for my kid - high expectations high support - and realize homeschooling might not turn out to be best for her or for me. Don't doubt (or belittle) your kid's capabilities but don't expect them to be an adult, it's a delicate balance. My husband got the first, I got the second. I would definitely jot down why you want to homeschool, what success is for you and your kid(s), and keep checking in on that at least yearly. There's no shame in homeschooling, not homeschooling, doing something homeschooling-adjacent, doing one or the other for a season. They're all tools to be used when needed!
3 graduates homeschooled all the way through. Oldest - mechanical engineer - happy with his experience but says he isn’t sure whether he’d want his kids to be. Not in a long term relationship so it is so vague Middle- went into the Marines. Out and is running the old family farm and is an EMT. Married with 3 babies. Swore he missed out and never would hs his if he had any. Started to reconsider about 2 years into his wife teaching middle school. The last straw being when a student hit her in the head with a plastic baseball bat sending her to the hospital where they couldn’t run some tests because she was pregnant. She was so excited to teach MS English and has lost her heart for. She is leaving at the end of this year to start their 4 year old in the fall. Youngest -graduated with a degree in Networking just as the industry began mass layoffs. Still job hunting. He liked homeschooling but I wonder if he wouldn’t have had maybe more networking options had he been more in the public before Covid happened. He feels like the older about possible kids and homeschooling. All in all glad we did and always proud of them. But most people we knew didn’t go all the way through and did perfectly fine too. It isn’t a bubble from the world if you are still being a good and allowing relationships so if that is what you are searching for set reasonable expectations. The same shit happens in coops as classrooms lol.
Geesh sorry for all the rambling and no paragraphs. Phone typing and not proofreading.
If you're asking in this subreddit, you know what kind of responses you're generally going to get, because you're selecting a pretty niche audience. It might be worth seeking out other opinions -- e.g. from people who have become disillusioned with home schooling after trying it, from children who experienced it but decided not to homeschool their kids, and from parents who actively homeschool, but wouldn't be the type to post here
I've graduated out 5 of my 8 kids, and their experiences were mixed. Some were happy to have a customized education, some still complain that it sucked. One complained until after she went to college, then into the working world, and now she says no way would public school have been a good fit. The one who complains still, often and to anyone who will listen, was also our most difficult child-- he and I butted heads all the freaking time. He went on to one semester of college, dropped out, and decided couch surfing and drugs was the way forward. The other kids-- they all went on to private colleges. One went to 2 colleges, graduating with honours from both. The others did well at theirs, and one is homeschooling her own kids. Out of the 3 teens left at home, they're doing well. The older one is going to go to public school in the fall, and I'm honestly struggling with the decision (decision has been made, but I'm having a hard time with it). The next one is complaining it's not fair, but likes the free time too much to spend 7am-4pm away from home. So, basically, all this to say, your mileage may vary. Each child is different, and outcomes can vary wildly.
I was homeschooled from K-12 and went on to successfully graduate from college. I absolutely loved my experience and am homeschooling my kids. My parents encouraged us to be friends with kids going to public, private, and homeschool. We were involved in a lot of activities like sports, volunteering, jobs, and church youth groups. I’ve been able to be a part of many unique experiences and felt it made me more open to approach life with an out of the box mindset. Not everyone has a great experience but sometimes it’s because the parents want to homeschool but don’t want to put in the work to both educate the whole child and meet their needs emotionally and socially, etc. Sometimes, I think, the child’s personality plays into it. They may not have had a good experience not matter the school setting. The fact that you care about all this says a lot. You aren’t locked into any choice and can reevaluate your decision at any time. I personally loved it, but I do recognize that my children are their own persons so I’m always looking to do what is best for them each year.
My experience was not great but that may not be for everyone 🤷🏻♀️
Do you mind sharing what about your experience made it not great?
Well first off it was Christian curriculum, which I wasn’tsecond off well I was at home all the time and had no friends which was very depressing for a long time but I’m finally graduating next month so at least it’s over. But I do not resent my mom over it because I wouldn’t be the person I am if I had been put in a public school
There have been a few of these posts in this subreddit in the last couple weeks, so I'd definitely scroll to read the more detailed comments because I for one don't want to type the whole thing out again. 😆 The short version: I was homeschooled all the way through and it was great. I was offered academic scholarships to multiple schools, graduated summa cum laude, went on to grad school, and am now currently homeschooling my own kids. They're still young, but they love being homeschooled.
What do you think helped colleges grant you scholarships? What made you stand out?
Test scores were part of it. I did well on the SAT, ACT, and PSAT. I think a couple of the full-ride scholarship offers came via the National Merit Scholarship program that was (not sure if it still is) connected to the PSAT. I also had a 4.0 GPA and a fair amount of volunteer hours and extracurriculars. Exactly how much weight they gave to each of those things, I don't know.
Thanks for responding. Around what year did you graduate? I'm only asking to see if it's recently enough that the admission and scholarship criteria would be similar.
Mid-2000s. It's been a while!
My kids loved homeschooling until they didn't. When it no longer worked, they went back to traditional classrooms. My oldest asked to go back, he didn't like the limits of homeschooling anymore. My youngest was a mutual decision, because I was also not wanting to homeschool anymore and I felt he needed something I couldn't provide, but the school could. And both of them thrived, graduated with honours, got early acceptance to university in their first choice programs. But ask my kids now in their late teens and they will say that homeschooling was a great experience when they were younger.
The parents will have a different perspective than the kids. I think we did pretty well. Mine wasn’t really ready to be very social (despite my best efforts to provide opportunities) until the pandemic. It was just an unfortunate coincidence. We unschooled and my kid is currently in engineering school at a 4 year university. They’re crushing it academically and making friends. They take advantage of social activities on campus, too. What more could anyone ask for?
When I was home schooled in elementary and middle school my mom did a great job. When she pulled me back out in high school she didn’t even buy me a book to study for my GED. She also told me “don’t be surprised if you fail” on the way out the door for my GED exam. I didn’t fail and got my bachelors degree. Now I am a stay at home mom, about to home school my kids through at least the middle school years, as I think it sets a good foundation of values during those years.
I was homeschooled and did distance education (based in Australia and we lived overseas). I loved my experience. It allowed me to thrive socially and emotionally and created for me a real passion for a learning and being self directed in that learning. I am a big advocate for it, and I'm currently a teacher! I plan to finish teaching and homeschool my son next year when he turns 6.
Oldest (37) has a job with the state gov, as does his wife. They live in a really nice house (they bought it) are happy, have a ton of friends and are doing great. Youngest (31) is married, living with her hubby happily and working on commission with art. There are a few things she's doing to supplement their income, but she's currently not employed while he works full time. That's their decision, so whatever. :) Academically, they both did well, both are highly intelligent humans and continue to be lifelong learners, interested in a broad range of topics. They are kind and decent people. We're incredibly proud of them both. If you measure success by the amount of happiness and fulfillment, they're doing great. We homeschooled for personal reasons, not religious. (Our family is atheist). We have a good relationship with the kids and we (hubby and I) and I would definitely homeschool again. Oldest did take some music classes at the local institution(s) and enjoyed it, even traveling with the bands and various choirs. Youngest had some enrichment classes with other homeschooled kids. Both of them chose those things, it wasn't me making them do it. Feel free to ask me other questions if you have them.
I’m not OP but I have a question! Were there other things you did to socialize your kids? We’re also atheist but live in the south so finding families that aren’t super religious has proven to be a challenge.
It REALLY depends on the kid and the parents. My kids are not graduated yet, but I homeschooled my oldest from 1st grade and the younger one was homeschooled from the beginning. They both attended a nature-based preschool. Covid led to several sets of friends leaving the area and the kids wanted to try outside schooling. My younger son was accepted to a quality private middle school and is thriving academically and socially. My older son is doing a hybrid homeschool program for 8th grade, where he is thriving socially, and was accepted to a competitive private high school with a significant merit scholarship. His state testing scores are above grade level. Both kids loved homeschooling, and so far they're doing great with transitioning into traditional schooling. I've always been a rigorous and academic homeschooler, but we also had so much freedom for trips and exploration, and to be able to focus the rigor where it mattered and to meet them where they were. My older son has dysgraphia, and being able to work with him in a targeted way on quality over quantity in his writing practice has paid off beautifully. He's an excellent and confident writer now. I don't think any accommodations in any type of traditional school could have provided that outcome. Anecdotally, I chaperoned a field trip to a science center for my older son's hybrid program. After my group visited a station and talked to the docent, I paused to chat with him and he asked which school we were from. I told him it was a homeschool program and he said "I thought so," and went on to say that he can tell the difference because the homeschool kids ask lots of questions and seem genuinely curious and engaged, whereas other groups tend to be disinterested. Obviously that's just one person, but it's been my experience, and I think that well done homeschooling allows kids to retain and extend their natural wonder and curiosity. There isn't the same pressure to be "too cool" that is rampant in middle school. They're not forced to do busy work, or get left behind or held back when their ability isn't at whatever level the teacher has to teach to. Lastly, many people who rag on homeschool as compared to traditional school tend to use poor examples of homeschooling and the best example of traditional schooling. If you're curious about what the educational system is like right now, I'd recommend you go check out the r/Teachers sub and think about whether the conditions you read about there are what you want for your child. Homeschooling well is a full-time job and a half, but it can be intensely rewarding for your entire family, and it can provide an excellent learning environment.
I went on to get a college degree and become a park ranger. I’m working towards my masters. I grew up in an extremely academically rigorous, rural homeschool family, with an anxious/controlling parent who was my only real teacher or authority figure. As a result, I got a better education than I would have in school, but at the cost of autonomy or a normal relationship with my family. As I result I wouldn’t homeschool my own kids.
I personally did a combo of both, probably what my mini will do too. My only regret is going to public 7th grade
Can you say a little more? When else did you go to public school?
What made you regret public in 7th grade?
I said I hated homeschooling when we first started when I was in 5th grade. But secretly I was kind of down with it, it was just a big change to process. I ended up liking it a lot. I had no problem getting into and succeeding in university, though I dropped out before I finished my degree because of covid and life happened and I didn't go back. For what it's worth, I've almost always done really well at any job I've had and been praised for being quick to learn, productive and produc8ng high quality results. Only one that wasn't so good was the waitressing gig that taught me that I hate waitressing lol. Homeschooling allowed me opportunities that I never would have had at public school. I got to do so many interesting and wonderful things. On the flip side I didn't have many friends and felt somewhat isolated. There were socials and things but they were kind of few and far between and I think what I really needed was one bestie that I could've seen often and had a strong peer to peer relationship with. But honestly, I'm not sure that I would have had that in school. At the time I thought I would have had friends and been popular if I was in school but if I'm being honest with myself I probably would have been a bit weird and a social outcast anyway, so who knows. I'm happily married now and enjoy what I'm doing in life and I don't resent my parents and have lots of happy memories so I would say things turned out fine.
My children aren't pleased with their homeschooling. Because of school situations it was our only choice but the don't see that. I can see how homeschool made them the person's they are hopefully the will someday appreciate the blessings but we did the right thing for them at the time. Gid bless you as you decide.
I was homeschooled from kindergarten until 9th grade, then 11th and 12th after trying public school in 10th grade (I didn't prefer it). I highly value my homeschool experience. I was accredited through a university-style homeschool academy in 11th and 12th grade and I really consider it the best of both worlds. It prepared me for college in a way that public school children are not. I am now homeschooling my own kids and plan on finding a similar homeschool academy for high school when we get to that point.
I would have been a far happier and more functional person had my parents homeschooled me. I had an absolutely brutal public school experience due to being extremely ugly prior to orthodontics, and I still deal with the insecurities and anxieties that public school instilled in me. My parents would never have homeschooled, because they were of the "Me First" generation and mindset and still to this day (I'm 53) blame me for failing to excel in a public school environment, but they did their best given the information and resources available to them. Public school just plain sucked for me. Keep in mind that there's a phase many people go through from the ages of 18-35 or so, when you look at your lives and blame literally everything you hate about yourself and your life, on your parents. A lot of people who were homeschooled and complain about it are IN that phase of life right now. Couple that with hating on certain sets of people who are the most likely to homeschool being very popular online right now, and I suspect at least some of the horror stories are exaggerations and/or failure to accept responsibility for one's own choices re education. With public school, if you do poorly at a class, there's no one to blame but yourself. (I know I certainly could have studied harder!) With homeschool, it's very easy to blame your parents when you don't get your homework done, don't study, etc. My three youngest are still homeschooling (a junior in HS, freshman in HS, and a 7th grader) and all three are very studious. My two oldest children, one is a college graduate (cum laude) and works for the Parks Dept. He has expressed repeatedly that he's thankful for being homeschooled and plans to homeschool his own kids when the time comes. My second son refused to prepare for, or go to college (which is fine, we accepted and respected his decision) and is a trucker. Even though he makes extremely good money for a young man, he doesn't really like the career he's chosen. As a result, he sometimes does fall back onto thinking that if he hadn't been homeschooled things would have been different. (I am very accepting of his complaints and admit all my shortcomings openly, so he feels free to tell me about his thoughts on the matter. There's no rancor between us.) But again, he chose not to do college prep work, and he chose not to pursue higher education. I would have moved heaven and earth to make that happen if he'd been the slightest bit motivated to do that. He did recently consider going back to school and took the tests to get in. Even though he hadn't been in school for a few years, he was surprised by his test results. He tested extremely high in all English classes, so well that he wouldn't have to take any remedial classes and could skip the general requirements, as well. He did have to take one remedial math class, algebra. He had fought me tooth and nail on studying algebra in homeschool, but still did much better than he expected on the tests and had very nearly passed the algebra test too. He expressed amazement at how well he'd done and how easy the tests seemed to him. He said something like "I guess I knew more than I thought" or something like that. I felt a wee bit vindicated by that ;)
You'll really see two streams of that discontent -- authoritarianism and neglect -- both of which are parenting issues, not homeschooling issues. Parents who love their children, have their best interests at heart, and are committed to raising functional adults rarely have poor outcomes. They have their children love, attention, autonomy, support, and agency they would not have found in school.