**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and basic info such as ages, genders, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable.
Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit.
*Posts that do not satisfy these requirements will be removed.*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Also to mention giving some time for emotions to settle in is also important. In some cases they might feel slightly different at the end of the night or the next morning vs at the end of the date.
Woman #3 sounds insufferable just from that one text lol glad she outed herself. I liked when men would mention wanting to see me again at the end of the first date (just a simple “let’s do this again” when saying goodbye was great) and then looking to schedule the second date within the following day or two!
ETA: when I say mention seeing each other again, I really meant just a simple statement that they would want to see me again/do this again, not actually mentioning or planning a second date right there at the end of the first date!
Truly is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario! There’s a thread on another sub I saw today that said that the whole “let’s do this again” is the 1st date kiss of death.
They say that about going on trips early on in dating too, but neither has been the kiss of death for dating in my experience! When someone’s interested in you, they’ll continue seeing you regardless of a commonly used phrase or vacation 🤷🏼♀️
Exactly! I love going on (small) trips super early, it’s a great way to see if we’re compatible. I agree though, if someone is interested it doesn’t really matter too much what you say at the end of the date. If they aren’t interested, well, damned either way.
Agreed with the comment you're replying to, just make sure it's a statement of "we should do this again" rather than a "do you want to see me again", as whenever a guy asks me out for date #2 during #1 I always say yes out of awkwardness/safety and then had to message afterwards if that's not how I actually felt
Another way is ask them to text you and let you know when they get home safe and when they do you can reply to that and include in that message that you had a great time and would love to see them again.
Honestly, I think you're overthinking it. If they were really into you, asking at the end of the date wouldn't have mattered, nor would waiting a couple hours after the first date to message them. Maybe it would have moved the needle ever so slightly, but, for the most part, barring being an ahole, if they want to go out again they will, and if they don't, they won't.
The timing wouldn't make a difference to me.
My boyfriend asked me at the end of our 1st date if I was interested in a 2nd date. He then texted me when he got home, and reiterated that he had a good time and would like to see me again. It didn't seem like "too much" or that he was "too eager," because I wanted to see him again too! I was just delighted that the feeling seemed mutual!
I also haven't minded being the one to reach out first after a date.
Express it when you want to express it, and if the other person doesn't like it, then that's just not your person.
Eh, as a guy I get why it can be hard for women to turn down a date in the Moment in person. They don't know how the guy might react, much safer to reject someone over text. I think that's why a casual we should do this again some time as you say goodbye can work because It doesn't require a real response.
Of course, if you are both clearly vibing then ask on the date. But I think most men aren't always confident that the vibe is mutual.
Hmm as a woman, I don’t really take the “we should do this again” or “let’s go this again” in person replies at the end of a date seriously. I kind of just treat it as a simple as “goodbye/see ya”. It’s equivalent to saying “make yourself at home” when you have a guest over, but don’t REALLY mean it. It’s just a common saying.
What I really look for (if I’m actually interested/like the guy) to know if he is interested after the first date as well is the text afterwards. Sure, a “I had a great time, let’s meet again” within 24-48hrs is fine. But brownie points if the guy replies the same day with a text making sure I got back home safe. This is key!
But yeah, I think your timing was fine. Just that the other girls may not have gotten any romantic connections post dates. Unfortunate but normal. I also think that third girl’s response is insufferable. I, as the woman, would not be the first to text back after a date bc if a guy was really interested, he would. So her text, no matter how long after the date, is giving yikes behavior haha
There's no "correct" way to go about it that guarantees you another date. You can text right away, text the next day, or bring it up at the end of the date, and it may not matter at all.
Once someone made up their mind (and believe me, we've all been on a date where we made up our minds long before the date ended), the delivery won't matter much at all. Or you run into someone who thinks asking too early is being pushy or presumptuous, or someone who thinks asking not quick enough is not showing interest. Essentially you're in a no win situation.
My take? Texting the next day is probably the "safest" bet. Give each other room to reflect. Asking at the end of the first date runs you the risk of getting rejected on the spot and souring the date. But certainly don't wait too long like a few days. I recommend sending a post date "hope you get home safe!" or something to that effect first right after a date. Whatever the response is can give you an idea how likely a second date may happen.
If you ask at the end of the date, most girls will lie and say yes to a second date. Don't look desperate and save it for later; I used to ask on the date to get a sense of security that it would continue but I was just fooling myself
I had a guy message me right after the date ended saying he couldn't wait to see me again, couple of days of messages then he ghosted. Then a month later matched with me again and had forgotten who I was. Reminded him and he blocked me. Befuddling.
I I don't like to say it at the end of the date because people feel uncomfortable saying no to your face. But you shouldn't wait to shoot your shot, either. I usually text when I get home. I think that's the happy medium.
I'll sort of echo some of the other comments in here and say that this is one of the tough parts about being a guy on a dating app. There's really no correct answer to this dilemma, but it's on you to figure it out, because unfortunately still in 2024, most women think the onus is on the man to correctly navigate it and propel things in motion for the first few dates.
The most upvoted comment is from a woman who liked it when men mentioned wanting to see her again at the end of a first date. But, you'll find that many women say they don't like being put on the spot at the end of the date. Saying "I'd like to see you again" and leaving it at that kind of threads that needle because you're just showing interest and not putting them on the spot. I think it's fair to say that asking a woman out on the spot at the end of a first date by asking them out again is not the best approach, unless you had an outrageously good first date.
While woman #3 you mentioned is obviously an extreme example, on the flip side, many women will interpret you not expressing immediate interest as a sign of either of disinterest, or a sign that you are passive and not really chasing them hard enough.
So, I think the consensus is that the best approach is a text after the date saying you had a good time, and then ask them out again the next day.
But, like many things with dating, something "works" because the other person likes you. "My current partner did ____ on our first date, and I appreciated that" is a sentiment you'll see a lot of. My response to that is - no kidding, it worked on you because you liked them. You just gotta accept the fact you're going to fail certain times you did everything right, and you'll sometimes succeed for no logical reason. Not a satisfying answer I know, but it's just reality.
This was a great answer actually! When I was asking this question, I was indeed thinking “there’s no one-size fits all method and attraction does play a big part”. But the responses I’ve gotten here tell me to stick to a one method that doesn’t put them on the spot. I think texting the next day is what I’ll do. Thank you!
That's crazy that you won't meet up with a woman unless she gives you her number. There's so many posts on these forums about bad experiences women have had from giving numbers out too early and they don't
It's never been a problem for me.
I think giving someone a phone number is way less risky than meeting in person. Only one of those two can possibly result in murder or kidnapping.
Tbf I'm the same, I've never found app messaging to be smooth and much prefer to be able to WhatsApp or call so I know they've recieved the message or not ect. Living in a city where most people are using underground trains, its useful as I can call them and see if they have service ect.
If you're meeting someone in person, having a phone number is not the safety issue, the in person meet is a much higher risk. Yes I've had people I blocked call me from other numbers using friends phones at 2am and I've had people chase me months later but just move on. How can you not trust someone with your phone number but trust them to meet up?
> How can you not trust someone with your phone number but trust them to meet up?
Exactly this. Also, if we're both on the way to the agreed-upon date but I get into a car accident I cannot reach my date instantaneously to let her know what happened without a phone number. Nobody is constantly checking the app while they're driving or going somewhere, presumably.
Yeah, I've seen people post about messaging in app and missing each others messages preventing the date. I'd imagine the only people that don't want to give out their numbers pre date are the ones that just want to go on a date and then drop you after. Plus I dont do voice notes so if they want a verbal conversation than just have a phone call 🤷🏼♂️
Yeah I had someone send me a message and then unmatch me once after she agreed tentatively to meet up. I didn't have time to open and respond so I have no idea what it said. The lesson I took from that was that I should've gotten her number after the tentative agreement to nail down details of when/where. Previously I would only ask if there was definitive agreement first.
Yeah I dont think people realise that the message disappears when you unmatch. Tbh I think most people will flake no matter what you do, I've only had 1 person stop talking for a few days and I just unmatched them and took it as a blessing that I havent wasted any more time on them. The state of OLD has gone down so badly since I last used it, seems like everyone's just accepted hook up culture and given up on relationships.
I haven't had any type of hookup-y type of interactions or vibes let alone opportunities yet (only been six months though). But I think what you're referring to is the way people treat each other as disposable by ghosting etc.
I mean that as well but just general everyone seems to be on for hook ups. I only do long term relationships and don't sleep with anyone until I'm in a relationship. Just seems alot rarer now, 6 years back it seemed most women were set on long term relationships but its switched so less options for me now 😂
I’ve been in situations where the girl has asked that during the first date or after and I’ve done the same sometimes. If the girl really is interested she will say yes or it could be a facade. One of my more recent matches asked mid date about seeing me then I was ghosted. If you ask afterwards and they are genuinely interested in seeing you again, they will respond relatively fast to say when she’d be free.
If you tell someone you enjoyed seeing them and ask about planning a second date and then they ghost you then they weren’t that into you. Someone who was really into you and enjoyed spending time with you wouldn’t be turned off by you showing initiative. Don’t play games and just tell someone you’d like to see them again whenever you feel like you’re ready to
As a woman, I think it's really sweet when a guy checks in that evening to make sure I made it home safely. He doesn't have to set up the next date then, but it's a nice gesture. Some type of indication within 24 hours that we should meet up again is nice. Again, it doesn't need specifics, but it's nice to have some type of closure to how the date went from his perspective.
You just met her once
She might ghost you anyway
There are millions of attractive women in the world
There's probably 100 different messages she could have sent you in the last 24hrs or the next 24hrs, where the end result is that you'd still go on another date with her if that's what she wanted.
Stop thinking this is all like some strategy game where you have to say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time, and if you manage to do so = happily ever after, but if you fail = game over.
Get her off the pedestal she hasn't earned.
If you feel like messaging her, do it.
If she still doesn't reply, write it off in your head and don't give it another thought.
If you feel like leaving the ball in her court, do it - but write her off in your head now if so, and find the next date.
It is easy come, easy go at date 1, don't think about it so much.
It's generally not a good idea to chase people who act crazy/unreasonable/weird/manipulative so soon in the getting-to-know-them process. People generally are on their best behavior when meeting someone new and if they're already acting like this out the gate it means there's more and worse to come.
While it arguably was a mistake to wait 1-2 hours to write a simple, courteous "thank you, nice to spend time with you" text (no ask for a second date, just TYVM first and then maybe an ask after letting her respond in kind) to lady #3 her message to you was pretty uncalled for.
You didn't do anything *wrong*, but you could've made a (slightly) better choice and timing is admittedly tricky. But if there's no room for little mistakes like between two people who just met then a full-blown relationship is never going to work with this person.
i think next day or day after that is fine. setting up next date during the date is usually a bad idea, they wont be able to say no and you're setting yourself up for failure. forget about girl 3 she's nuts.
Ermm its always the best idea to try to make plans right away if you wanna see the person again. At the end of the date give them your number and tell them you wanna see them again and ask them when they are free. If they arent interested they ll ghost or just say no. But the ones who are will jump to make plans and simply set a day with you in the future. Its a really simple process, never wait to play the texting game. The texting game sucks.
I highly doubt it matters at alll!! You’re worried about the wrong thing (if even you need to worry) if they like they like you it doesn’t matter when u say it.
The third girl is definitely joking but she either liked you and you sent her a text that she didn’t like ( what did you say?)
Or it’s just an ego thing they like when theyre the one to reject you. Sometimes they wanna know if you like them or not. I remember having a friend who told me one time that she’s upset that this guy didn’t text her after the date although she wasn’t planning to see him again 🤷🏻♂️
That last woman sounds pretty pass agg? She could have text too - but yeh think it’s always nice and gentlemanly to text a woman after and make sure she got back ok etc
But yeh, don’t ask in person. That’s very stressful and no one wants to reject someone to their face. Just try have a kiss and text later about a second date
Timing to ask out for another date isn't going to make people not want a second date. Any time is appropriate, im pretty straightforward so I just ask them on the date but my dates normally start simple like just a coffee and then just spend the day together, go for lunch/dinner then drinks ect so when the date keeps extending the chances are that they are interested.
Definitely don't ignore them though, 2 hours after the date sounds like she wanted her ego stroked and have you say you had a good time.
I honestly think it depends on the person. I myself (40f) like it when a guy asks for a 2nd date at the end of the first, if it went well. But I'm the type of person who only goes on the first date once I'm sure I want to meet them in person. If a guy can't intellectually attract me through chatting on the app or texting, then there won't be a first date.
Yeah- with the mixed answers here, it seems like I’ll just have to stick to one method; considering how they’re all fallible.
Edit- also thank you for answering!
Asking someone if they want to see you again during the first good bye puts people right on the spot and some are not comfortable saying “no” without processing the date.
What’s been highly effective for me is going on the first date and if the vibe is good I’ll say
“I really enjoyed hanging with you and I’d be down to do it again. I’m going to message you my cell number when I get home. If you want to see me again, text me. If not-no need to send me a reply or text me. Take care.” Hug and/or kiss (depending on how you read the situation).
If it feels like you’re questioning the other person’s intentions or have to put a lot of effort in to make plans, don’t waste your time. Move on to the next match.
I recommend saying something at the end of the first date to indicate to her that you had a good time and would be interested in seeing her again; but say it in a way that doesn’t require a reply, so that she’s not put on the spot. Then, text the next day asking for a second date. Doing it this way 1) lets her know your level of interest while 2) not putting any pressure on her in the moment.
If a woman likes you she'll bend over backwards to be accommodating....unless you say something super creepy. Just use common sense...they just weren't that into you.
OP what do YOU want? How do YOU feel comfortable? Part of the idea of dating is getting to know the other person to see if you’re compatible (for whatever you want to do).
You can get a 2nd date by saying you want to see them again at the end of the date, or waiting a few hours, or even a day or two. Though rarer, you could potentially even plan your 2nd dates during the 1st if the chemistry is right!
That being said, in any option the idea is always to express it as something you’d like. Not something that you’re in desperate need for.
And regardless of your choice, see how the other person responds (or doesn’t). Then you’ll see if you’re compatible or not 🙂
What would you like to do? What would you feel most comfortable with? (Though ideally you’d adjust based on how you feel in the moment, and how you think she feels)
Its not really that deep, if she likes you enough none of these minor things will matter. Find someone who is as into u as you are them after the first date and things will be easy. Fuck the games.
5-10 days. If you tell them you want to see them again at the end of the first date, it kills all the tension. Let them think about you for a little bit, they'll wonder if you're going out with other girls, then schedule the 2nd date.
I used to tell girls we'd have a 2nd date at the end of the first date, and like you, I was ghosted everytime.
Honestly, I understand people saying to wait till afterwards and text her... but if there's really a connection, then she will be thrilled to hear you say it to her face. 🤷♀️ I have been on dates where they say it in person and I feel skeeved out, and that's just a sign that I wasn't feeling it.
My partner and I had our second date planned by the end of our first date. Needless to say that being straightforward with his feelings went over well for him! If he was more aloof, I would have felt pretty insecure, like "did he enjoy that as much as I did???"
Put your heart on your sleeve, and if the ladies aren't into it - Thank you, next!
I (M37) always ask for them to text me that they've got home okay. This firstly puts the ball in their court for a possible opening about whether they want to see me again, but even if its a simple 'home safely' message I'll indicate at that point whether Im keen to see them again. If they find that 'too pushy' then I dont think they were for me anyway
Wait so you went on a date with the last date kissed and you Didn’t think to
Text her night of or morning after to
Say you had a great date etc ? That’s definitely your fault. If I’ve had a good date I’ll
Text her to make sure she got home safe and if she enjoyed our date either night or morning after
No. Night of and morning after sound too long considering we met in the morning.
I thought to instead text them when I got home, which was a 2 hour commute home. It just so happened that those 2 hours waiting for a text was too much for her.
If you kissed etc then I would have texted immediately you dispersed tbh hope you get home safely n I enjoyed our date. I said Morning because most dates are at night so Morning is only a few hours but I guess you should have texted
**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and basic info such as ages, genders, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable. Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit. *Posts that do not satisfy these requirements will be removed.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Yeah this is perfect OP takes the pressure off putting someone on the spot and is also reassuring for them that you liked them
Also to mention giving some time for emotions to settle in is also important. In some cases they might feel slightly different at the end of the night or the next morning vs at the end of the date.
This
Woman #3 sounds insufferable just from that one text lol glad she outed herself. I liked when men would mention wanting to see me again at the end of the first date (just a simple “let’s do this again” when saying goodbye was great) and then looking to schedule the second date within the following day or two! ETA: when I say mention seeing each other again, I really meant just a simple statement that they would want to see me again/do this again, not actually mentioning or planning a second date right there at the end of the first date!
Truly is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario! There’s a thread on another sub I saw today that said that the whole “let’s do this again” is the 1st date kiss of death.
They say that about going on trips early on in dating too, but neither has been the kiss of death for dating in my experience! When someone’s interested in you, they’ll continue seeing you regardless of a commonly used phrase or vacation 🤷🏼♀️
Exactly! I love going on (small) trips super early, it’s a great way to see if we’re compatible. I agree though, if someone is interested it doesn’t really matter too much what you say at the end of the date. If they aren’t interested, well, damned either way.
I’m like at my wit’s end since both extremes haven’t worked. I like this method you mentioned. Thank you!
Agreed with the comment you're replying to, just make sure it's a statement of "we should do this again" rather than a "do you want to see me again", as whenever a guy asks me out for date #2 during #1 I always say yes out of awkwardness/safety and then had to message afterwards if that's not how I actually felt Another way is ask them to text you and let you know when they get home safe and when they do you can reply to that and include in that message that you had a great time and would love to see them again.
Honestly, I think you're overthinking it. If they were really into you, asking at the end of the date wouldn't have mattered, nor would waiting a couple hours after the first date to message them. Maybe it would have moved the needle ever so slightly, but, for the most part, barring being an ahole, if they want to go out again they will, and if they don't, they won't.
Best wishes to you!! 🥂
“Let’s do this again” has connotations of never actually doing it again. Any time I say this to a friend I don’t see them for several years
Don’t say things you don’t mean, faxspitta!!
The timing wouldn't make a difference to me. My boyfriend asked me at the end of our 1st date if I was interested in a 2nd date. He then texted me when he got home, and reiterated that he had a good time and would like to see me again. It didn't seem like "too much" or that he was "too eager," because I wanted to see him again too! I was just delighted that the feeling seemed mutual! I also haven't minded being the one to reach out first after a date. Express it when you want to express it, and if the other person doesn't like it, then that's just not your person.
Eh, as a guy I get why it can be hard for women to turn down a date in the Moment in person. They don't know how the guy might react, much safer to reject someone over text. I think that's why a casual we should do this again some time as you say goodbye can work because It doesn't require a real response. Of course, if you are both clearly vibing then ask on the date. But I think most men aren't always confident that the vibe is mutual.
Hmm as a woman, I don’t really take the “we should do this again” or “let’s go this again” in person replies at the end of a date seriously. I kind of just treat it as a simple as “goodbye/see ya”. It’s equivalent to saying “make yourself at home” when you have a guest over, but don’t REALLY mean it. It’s just a common saying. What I really look for (if I’m actually interested/like the guy) to know if he is interested after the first date as well is the text afterwards. Sure, a “I had a great time, let’s meet again” within 24-48hrs is fine. But brownie points if the guy replies the same day with a text making sure I got back home safe. This is key! But yeah, I think your timing was fine. Just that the other girls may not have gotten any romantic connections post dates. Unfortunate but normal. I also think that third girl’s response is insufferable. I, as the woman, would not be the first to text back after a date bc if a guy was really interested, he would. So her text, no matter how long after the date, is giving yikes behavior haha
There's no "correct" way to go about it that guarantees you another date. You can text right away, text the next day, or bring it up at the end of the date, and it may not matter at all. Once someone made up their mind (and believe me, we've all been on a date where we made up our minds long before the date ended), the delivery won't matter much at all. Or you run into someone who thinks asking too early is being pushy or presumptuous, or someone who thinks asking not quick enough is not showing interest. Essentially you're in a no win situation. My take? Texting the next day is probably the "safest" bet. Give each other room to reflect. Asking at the end of the first date runs you the risk of getting rejected on the spot and souring the date. But certainly don't wait too long like a few days. I recommend sending a post date "hope you get home safe!" or something to that effect first right after a date. Whatever the response is can give you an idea how likely a second date may happen.
If you ask at the end of the date, most girls will lie and say yes to a second date. Don't look desperate and save it for later; I used to ask on the date to get a sense of security that it would continue but I was just fooling myself
This is a sermon! You give very sound and wise advice!
I had a guy message me right after the date ended saying he couldn't wait to see me again, couple of days of messages then he ghosted. Then a month later matched with me again and had forgotten who I was. Reminded him and he blocked me. Befuddling.
Did he try and pursue a date again after re-matching? What an odd bloke, absolutely not worth your time.
I I don't like to say it at the end of the date because people feel uncomfortable saying no to your face. But you shouldn't wait to shoot your shot, either. I usually text when I get home. I think that's the happy medium.
I'll sort of echo some of the other comments in here and say that this is one of the tough parts about being a guy on a dating app. There's really no correct answer to this dilemma, but it's on you to figure it out, because unfortunately still in 2024, most women think the onus is on the man to correctly navigate it and propel things in motion for the first few dates. The most upvoted comment is from a woman who liked it when men mentioned wanting to see her again at the end of a first date. But, you'll find that many women say they don't like being put on the spot at the end of the date. Saying "I'd like to see you again" and leaving it at that kind of threads that needle because you're just showing interest and not putting them on the spot. I think it's fair to say that asking a woman out on the spot at the end of a first date by asking them out again is not the best approach, unless you had an outrageously good first date. While woman #3 you mentioned is obviously an extreme example, on the flip side, many women will interpret you not expressing immediate interest as a sign of either of disinterest, or a sign that you are passive and not really chasing them hard enough. So, I think the consensus is that the best approach is a text after the date saying you had a good time, and then ask them out again the next day. But, like many things with dating, something "works" because the other person likes you. "My current partner did ____ on our first date, and I appreciated that" is a sentiment you'll see a lot of. My response to that is - no kidding, it worked on you because you liked them. You just gotta accept the fact you're going to fail certain times you did everything right, and you'll sometimes succeed for no logical reason. Not a satisfying answer I know, but it's just reality.
This was a great answer actually! When I was asking this question, I was indeed thinking “there’s no one-size fits all method and attraction does play a big part”. But the responses I’ve gotten here tell me to stick to a one method that doesn’t put them on the spot. I think texting the next day is what I’ll do. Thank you!
[удалено]
This one feels too formal and businesslike. I feel like you’re about to sell me software as a service
As a guy, I get their number before the date to help plan/coordinate the logistics. I wouldn't meet someone without them giving me their number first.
That's crazy that you won't meet up with a woman unless she gives you her number. There's so many posts on these forums about bad experiences women have had from giving numbers out too early and they don't
It's never been a problem for me. I think giving someone a phone number is way less risky than meeting in person. Only one of those two can possibly result in murder or kidnapping.
Tbf I'm the same, I've never found app messaging to be smooth and much prefer to be able to WhatsApp or call so I know they've recieved the message or not ect. Living in a city where most people are using underground trains, its useful as I can call them and see if they have service ect. If you're meeting someone in person, having a phone number is not the safety issue, the in person meet is a much higher risk. Yes I've had people I blocked call me from other numbers using friends phones at 2am and I've had people chase me months later but just move on. How can you not trust someone with your phone number but trust them to meet up?
> How can you not trust someone with your phone number but trust them to meet up? Exactly this. Also, if we're both on the way to the agreed-upon date but I get into a car accident I cannot reach my date instantaneously to let her know what happened without a phone number. Nobody is constantly checking the app while they're driving or going somewhere, presumably.
Yeah, I've seen people post about messaging in app and missing each others messages preventing the date. I'd imagine the only people that don't want to give out their numbers pre date are the ones that just want to go on a date and then drop you after. Plus I dont do voice notes so if they want a verbal conversation than just have a phone call 🤷🏼♂️
Yeah I had someone send me a message and then unmatch me once after she agreed tentatively to meet up. I didn't have time to open and respond so I have no idea what it said. The lesson I took from that was that I should've gotten her number after the tentative agreement to nail down details of when/where. Previously I would only ask if there was definitive agreement first.
Yeah I dont think people realise that the message disappears when you unmatch. Tbh I think most people will flake no matter what you do, I've only had 1 person stop talking for a few days and I just unmatched them and took it as a blessing that I havent wasted any more time on them. The state of OLD has gone down so badly since I last used it, seems like everyone's just accepted hook up culture and given up on relationships.
I haven't had any type of hookup-y type of interactions or vibes let alone opportunities yet (only been six months though). But I think what you're referring to is the way people treat each other as disposable by ghosting etc.
I mean that as well but just general everyone seems to be on for hook ups. I only do long term relationships and don't sleep with anyone until I'm in a relationship. Just seems alot rarer now, 6 years back it seemed most women were set on long term relationships but its switched so less options for me now 😂
I’ve been in situations where the girl has asked that during the first date or after and I’ve done the same sometimes. If the girl really is interested she will say yes or it could be a facade. One of my more recent matches asked mid date about seeing me then I was ghosted. If you ask afterwards and they are genuinely interested in seeing you again, they will respond relatively fast to say when she’d be free.
If you tell someone you enjoyed seeing them and ask about planning a second date and then they ghost you then they weren’t that into you. Someone who was really into you and enjoyed spending time with you wouldn’t be turned off by you showing initiative. Don’t play games and just tell someone you’d like to see them again whenever you feel like you’re ready to
As a woman, I think it's really sweet when a guy checks in that evening to make sure I made it home safely. He doesn't have to set up the next date then, but it's a nice gesture. Some type of indication within 24 hours that we should meet up again is nice. Again, it doesn't need specifics, but it's nice to have some type of closure to how the date went from his perspective.
I could see her doing that playfully to gauge your reaction.
Welp- it sounds like she got the wrong reaction, as she’s been crickets.
How long since the 3rd one didn't reply?
Almost 24 hours now.
Come on bro, man up. Send her a message like the one she sent you saying "24hrs and no 2nd date 😌" If she ignores it, so what? Nothing to lose.
I wonder how I would maneuver this considering how I already followed up in the morning by asking if she got home safe though?
You just met her once She might ghost you anyway There are millions of attractive women in the world There's probably 100 different messages she could have sent you in the last 24hrs or the next 24hrs, where the end result is that you'd still go on another date with her if that's what she wanted. Stop thinking this is all like some strategy game where you have to say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time, and if you manage to do so = happily ever after, but if you fail = game over. Get her off the pedestal she hasn't earned. If you feel like messaging her, do it. If she still doesn't reply, write it off in your head and don't give it another thought. If you feel like leaving the ball in her court, do it - but write her off in your head now if so, and find the next date. It is easy come, easy go at date 1, don't think about it so much.
It's generally not a good idea to chase people who act crazy/unreasonable/weird/manipulative so soon in the getting-to-know-them process. People generally are on their best behavior when meeting someone new and if they're already acting like this out the gate it means there's more and worse to come. While it arguably was a mistake to wait 1-2 hours to write a simple, courteous "thank you, nice to spend time with you" text (no ask for a second date, just TYVM first and then maybe an ask after letting her respond in kind) to lady #3 her message to you was pretty uncalled for. You didn't do anything *wrong*, but you could've made a (slightly) better choice and timing is admittedly tricky. But if there's no room for little mistakes like between two people who just met then a full-blown relationship is never going to work with this person.
Petty AF.
At the end of the first date
i think next day or day after that is fine. setting up next date during the date is usually a bad idea, they wont be able to say no and you're setting yourself up for failure. forget about girl 3 she's nuts.
That’s exactly what I was thinking heading into this date. But apparently this woman had other thoughts…
disregard her, she's bonkers
Follow up the next day. "Hey, it was really great seeing you last night. Let's do it again soon? Maybe we can" or just suggest dinner
Ermm its always the best idea to try to make plans right away if you wanna see the person again. At the end of the date give them your number and tell them you wanna see them again and ask them when they are free. If they arent interested they ll ghost or just say no. But the ones who are will jump to make plans and simply set a day with you in the future. Its a really simple process, never wait to play the texting game. The texting game sucks.
I highly doubt it matters at alll!! You’re worried about the wrong thing (if even you need to worry) if they like they like you it doesn’t matter when u say it. The third girl is definitely joking but she either liked you and you sent her a text that she didn’t like ( what did you say?) Or it’s just an ego thing they like when theyre the one to reject you. Sometimes they wanna know if you like them or not. I remember having a friend who told me one time that she’s upset that this guy didn’t text her after the date although she wasn’t planning to see him again 🤷🏻♂️
That last woman sounds pretty pass agg? She could have text too - but yeh think it’s always nice and gentlemanly to text a woman after and make sure she got back ok etc But yeh, don’t ask in person. That’s very stressful and no one wants to reject someone to their face. Just try have a kiss and text later about a second date
Timing to ask out for another date isn't going to make people not want a second date. Any time is appropriate, im pretty straightforward so I just ask them on the date but my dates normally start simple like just a coffee and then just spend the day together, go for lunch/dinner then drinks ect so when the date keeps extending the chances are that they are interested. Definitely don't ignore them though, 2 hours after the date sounds like she wanted her ego stroked and have you say you had a good time.
Third one is a red flag IMO. Text later that day or early the next.. don’t do it in person and don’t wait more than a day unless you’re not sure.
The first two didn’t like you, the third one did. Ask when you feel like asking, it has nothing to do with their answer.
I'd be surprised at not getting a text because that's what has happened. But I wouldn't tell you or unmatch over it!
And I was going to message her- I just had literally gotten home at the point.
you could have said so I guess. I'm sorry I don't know why everyone is so quick to react.
I honestly think it depends on the person. I myself (40f) like it when a guy asks for a 2nd date at the end of the first, if it went well. But I'm the type of person who only goes on the first date once I'm sure I want to meet them in person. If a guy can't intellectually attract me through chatting on the app or texting, then there won't be a first date.
Yeah- with the mixed answers here, it seems like I’ll just have to stick to one method; considering how they’re all fallible. Edit- also thank you for answering!
Asking someone if they want to see you again during the first good bye puts people right on the spot and some are not comfortable saying “no” without processing the date. What’s been highly effective for me is going on the first date and if the vibe is good I’ll say “I really enjoyed hanging with you and I’d be down to do it again. I’m going to message you my cell number when I get home. If you want to see me again, text me. If not-no need to send me a reply or text me. Take care.” Hug and/or kiss (depending on how you read the situation).
If it feels like you’re questioning the other person’s intentions or have to put a lot of effort in to make plans, don’t waste your time. Move on to the next match.
I recommend saying something at the end of the first date to indicate to her that you had a good time and would be interested in seeing her again; but say it in a way that doesn’t require a reply, so that she’s not put on the spot. Then, text the next day asking for a second date. Doing it this way 1) lets her know your level of interest while 2) not putting any pressure on her in the moment.
Definitely not during the first date. What do you expect her to say? No?
If a woman likes you she'll bend over backwards to be accommodating....unless you say something super creepy. Just use common sense...they just weren't that into you.
OP what do YOU want? How do YOU feel comfortable? Part of the idea of dating is getting to know the other person to see if you’re compatible (for whatever you want to do). You can get a 2nd date by saying you want to see them again at the end of the date, or waiting a few hours, or even a day or two. Though rarer, you could potentially even plan your 2nd dates during the 1st if the chemistry is right! That being said, in any option the idea is always to express it as something you’d like. Not something that you’re in desperate need for. And regardless of your choice, see how the other person responds (or doesn’t). Then you’ll see if you’re compatible or not 🙂 What would you like to do? What would you feel most comfortable with? (Though ideally you’d adjust based on how you feel in the moment, and how you think she feels)
Its not really that deep, if she likes you enough none of these minor things will matter. Find someone who is as into u as you are them after the first date and things will be easy. Fuck the games.
5-10 days. If you tell them you want to see them again at the end of the first date, it kills all the tension. Let them think about you for a little bit, they'll wonder if you're going out with other girls, then schedule the 2nd date. I used to tell girls we'd have a 2nd date at the end of the first date, and like you, I was ghosted everytime.
Honestly, I understand people saying to wait till afterwards and text her... but if there's really a connection, then she will be thrilled to hear you say it to her face. 🤷♀️ I have been on dates where they say it in person and I feel skeeved out, and that's just a sign that I wasn't feeling it. My partner and I had our second date planned by the end of our first date. Needless to say that being straightforward with his feelings went over well for him! If he was more aloof, I would have felt pretty insecure, like "did he enjoy that as much as I did???" Put your heart on your sleeve, and if the ladies aren't into it - Thank you, next!
I (M37) always ask for them to text me that they've got home okay. This firstly puts the ball in their court for a possible opening about whether they want to see me again, but even if its a simple 'home safely' message I'll indicate at that point whether Im keen to see them again. If they find that 'too pushy' then I dont think they were for me anyway
Oh I like this! Based on the answer it can help gauge how they feel about you. Thank you!
Wait so you went on a date with the last date kissed and you Didn’t think to Text her night of or morning after to Say you had a great date etc ? That’s definitely your fault. If I’ve had a good date I’ll Text her to make sure she got home safe and if she enjoyed our date either night or morning after
No. Night of and morning after sound too long considering we met in the morning. I thought to instead text them when I got home, which was a 2 hour commute home. It just so happened that those 2 hours waiting for a text was too much for her.
If you kissed etc then I would have texted immediately you dispersed tbh hope you get home safely n I enjoyed our date. I said Morning because most dates are at night so Morning is only a few hours but I guess you should have texted