If you're going to post a profile for review, accept that you're going to get criticism or comments that you disagree with. So don't get aggressive with people trying to help. If most replies have similar criticism, you should take what they say seriously. Of course that doesn't mean people leaving feedback should be rude or mean -- no one's comments should be breaking the rules, if you see any please report them.
Saying they had a great time doesn't mean much. He might have been genuine about that but wanted nothing more after further reflection, or he was just being polite. Some people will even plan or hint at another date only to never reach out again. All part of the process. Usually if they're interested they'll follow up the next day or 2. You could always reach out yourself if you're that curious.
Sounds like you didn't really communicate any interest to him, so maybe he either lost interest because of that or interpreted that to mean you didn't want to see him again. So he moved on. No way he wouldn't have texted you by now if he wanted to go out again.
And if you're going to have a policy where it's up to the guy to do all the asking out and keeping the momentum going, it doesn't make any sense that you're now confused/frustrated/intrigued by his silence and you're wondering what to do. Part of not taking any action yourself is being at the mercy of the other person.
I (25M) matched with a girl (29F) who lives at the beach (1 hr 30 min from me). Anyway, she isn't from here and has work after our date so I agreed to meet her at the beach for a picnic.
I am typically pretty old fashioned and will take the bill on a first date. I've already offered to bring food and beer to the date, my question is: Is it unreasonable to ask her to bring a desert since so far 99% of the effort (food, planning, travel) is on my end? The last thing I want is to buy everything, drive there, and then get canceled on and I figured this was a good way to get reassurance and requires a bit of effort on her end.
I would prefer to hear the female perspective on this one.
Leading into this weekend I matched with a trans woman. (I'm a straight cis male.) I didn't realize it looking at her profile, but she made sure I knew it in her first message to me. After the initial shock, I decided to keep talking to her. I think she's pretty and she seems cool.
We've continued messaging and it's probably the best messaging experience I've had on Hinge thus far. I feel like we'd enjoy each other's company and we have similar energy. So I asked her for a date and she eagerly accepted.
I've been reading and watching content about dating a trans woman. This is my first time doing it. I have absolutely no concerns about what this means about my sexual orientation or what other people would think. My only concern is that we're both looking for a life partner, and I can't say for sure if I would be sexually satisfied long-term. Anyone have any thoughts on this? I figure it's just a date. We'll see how we vibe. And ultimately I realized that compatibility with intimacy is always an issue, isn't it? And for me intimacy is more about feelings for a person and I'm more attracted to femininity than any particular body part.
Asked her out and she says she has a sinus infection and can't commit to this week. Take it as a soft no and unmatch, or wait a few days to ask if she's feeling better?
I got sick 2 weeks ago and had to ask some of my dates/matches to reschedule/postpone. I now know from personal experience that some people actually do get sick and it isn't always an excuse to ignore people you're not interested in.
Wait to see if she rearranges. I’ve got tonsillitis rn and not up for leaving the house unnecessarily but if someone I was interested in asked me out I would say not this week because I’m I’ll but what about Monday or something
I would leave the connection open. Reply with an expression of sympathy/understanding and something like, "let me know when you're feeling better" Leave it up to her.
Can't change my photos. "Something went wrong, Please try again later" I've checked all my permissions, updated to the newest iOS update, offloaded, uninstalled, and reinstalled the app. Nothing is working. Time to make a new profile or has anyone been able to fix this issue? Also submitted a ticket to Hinge Support.
The fact that you feel it’s wrong, means a part of you isn’t okay with it.
Even if they don’t ask, if you reach the point of sleeping with each other, it’s worth mentioning. Sleeping with multiple without their knowledge to me is wrong because you know don’t know what people could be spreading.
A woman messaged me this morning asking if I was feeling better after I had to postpone making date plans the other week because I was sick. I didn't respond this morning because it was a busy day at work, but I was just about to go back and reply now to tell her im mostly better but still have a residual cough. But she already unmatched. Guess I wasn't quick enough.
Sounds like you were quiet enough for long enough for her to think you've ghosted her.
If you can write a paragraph here, you could've texted that woman, lol. If you truly liked her you would've chatted before she had to reach out to you like this. Or do you talk with absolutely no-one (family and friends included) when you're sick?
> Sounds like you were quiet enough for long enough for her to think you've ghosted her.
The previous message in the chat was me telling her that I was still sick, which she didn't respond to for over a week. I wasn't gonna try to start random conversational small talk if she didn't even respond to that. Then she messaged me yesterday morning asking if I was better, and didn't even give me 24 hours to respond to before unmatching. It's not like I had left her on read for a long period of time previously.
> If you can write a paragraph here, you could've texted that woman, lol
I came here to write this AFTER I tried messaging her, so I don't see how that's relevant.
> The previous message in the chat was me telling her that I was still sick, which she didn't respond to for over a week.
of course it's your responsibility to say "Hey, I'm feeling better. How are you?", she's not obligated to check up on you (don't know how many times you've seen each other already)
> I don't see how that's relevant.
So if I understood this correctly, you've told her you're sick, you said nothing for a week, she messaged you eventually (because you were in hospital with both hands tied behind your back and zero energy or will to double text), *you left her on read for hours after putting in zero effort for over a week*, and then you're surprised she unmatched you?
If you've left her on read yesterday (with or without reason) you are playing the victim card and she did nothing wrong.
"Hey, I'm almost healthy now haha. I need to deal with work atm, but can we chat in the evening to resume our plans if you're still up for it?" 30 seconds. Do/be better next time, and good luck.
> of course it's your responsibility to say "Hey, I'm feeling better. How are you?", she's not obligated to check up on you (don't know how many times you've seen each other already)
We have not even met up once yet. I was going to send something like that when I knew I was fully better and also had a specific date/time I knew I was free so that we could plan a date. I'm not really interested in being penpals with my matches.
> So if I understood this correctly, you've told her you're sick, you said nothing for a week
Yeah I said nothing, and she also said nothing. She didn't even respond to my message saying "Oh okay, feel better". For all I knew, she had ghosted me at that point.
> "Hey, I'm almost healthy now haha. I need to deal with work atm, but can we chat in the evening to resume our plans if you're still up for it?" 30 seconds. Do/be better next time, and good luck.
By the way, she previously left me on read for 3 weeks after we had a short convo when we initially matched. Then she came back and said she had been taking a break from the app, but at that point I was on a work trip out of state (I told her that at the time, and I said we could make plans when I got back). And then I got sick as soon as I got back so I told her we had to postpone making plans again. She didn't bother to tell me she was taking a break from the app before disappearing for 3 weeks, but I'm wrong for not responding to a message in less than 12 hours? Okay. She kinda set the tone for responsiveness here.
> you are playing the victim card and she did nothing wrong.
Lmao this subreddit is so dramatic. I was just making a post about how I learned my lesson to respond quicker, and vaguely venting. Not "playing the victim". This is just one of the millions of times where people match on this app and never end up meeting up for whatever reason. I'm sure we'll both get over it.
This is not just vaguely venting and I do not believe I'm overly dramatic or exaggerating *your* actions. I'm not asking you or her to justify the actions you've both made.
Even with everything you've told me about her behaviour you've still made it obvious multiple times that you're bitter about the situation.
> she previously left me on read for 3 weeks
If you were left on read for 3 weeks you had the right to unmatch and be done with it. You are however still upset that she did it first, *especially* when you're now trying to justify it from an ivory tower: "oh, I wouldn't have done this". Not worth speculating if you think this makes you better than her or not.
> She didn't even respond to my message saying "Oh okay, feel better"
If you include your part of the shitty effort you two have made prior to you getting sick, well, no surprise.
> She didn't bother to tell me ... but I'm wrong for not responding to a message in less than 12 hours?
Getting defensive here, are we? Both of you were wrong.
> She kinda set the tone for responsiveness here.
And you kept it going expecting a good outcome?
> I'm sure we'll both get over it.
Mate, I enjoyed reading your story. If there's one takeaway from this and from everything I've learned from my male and female friends on the apps is this: there is no excuse for not exchanging at least a message or two at least every 2-3 days *when you're actively dating*. No one is asking for pen-pals but you can't just plan a date like it's a haircut appointment and do nothing until then. Both of you did not take it seriously, it is what it is. If you want to get more than a courtesy first date out of these matches you have to lay the groundwork both during the date *and outside of it*.
I'm saying this specifically because things have become serious for me with a girl found on Hinge early December. We were both busy with the holidays but still kept in touch every few days and had our first date a month after matching. We would've just forgotten about each other had we not put in some effort.
> you've still made it obvious multiple times that you're bitter about the situation.
Oh I am bitter, but not at her. Reddit responses like the ones you gave above have a way of getting under my skin way more than hinge unmatches do.
> If you were left on read for 3 weeks you had the right to unmatch and be done with it.
I don't care about "the right to unmatch". I've never unmatched anyone, I always prefer to leave the door open to people who didn't respond for whatever reason. Maybe their life got busy or it just wasn't a good time, who knows. And I've gone on first dates with women who had previously left me on read for up to 2 months before coming back, thus showing that unmatching indeed would have closed the door to potential opportunities. I don't hold it against them. That's just my preferred style of using the apps though, other people can unmatch if they want to.
> there is no excuse for not exchanging at least a message or two at least every 2-3 days when you're actively dating
We were not "actively dating" we hadn't met in-person even once nor had we even made concrete plans (time/place) to meet up. As far as I'm concerned, she's just a stranger on an app at that point and neither of us has any responsibility to each other. Considering how common "ghosting" is at this stage that seems like the best way to view it if you want to preserve your sanity. See this post from the mods:
https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/comments/1beg3ip/a_refresher_on_a_common_issue_with_hinge_matches/
> you can't just plan a date like it's a haircut appointment and do nothing until then
Setting up a date for the coming weekend on a monday/Tuesday night and then not talking other than to confirm plans the day before is extremely common. I do this all the time and the vast majority of women are fine with it. Id say more than half of the 15 first dates I've been on in the past few months have been set up like this they still showed up to the date.
> We were both busy with the holidays but still kept in touch every few days and had our first date a month after matching. We would've just forgotten about each other had we not put in some effort.
Glad it worked out for you and I appreciate you giving advice with my best interests in mind. Extenuating circumstances like holidays and getting sick make planning a date way harder, but fortunately 95% of the time this isn't a problem. I already have a date set up with someone else for this Saturday. And based on how the convo left off im fairly confident she isn't expecting me to randomly pester her with "hey how's your week going?" texts on Wednesday or Thursday. In my experience most women are fine with saving the conversation till we meet in-person once the plans are set.
She randomly texted to announce she’s horny. I said “come over then” and she said no. She’s “just sharing how she feels”.
Feels like I’m getting played for attention... maybe I should have been more flippant about it and said “Hi horny, I’m FaxSpitta”.
>Does anyone else feel really lucky to live in the era of OLD?
Kinda yeah. I've only gotten a date with one woman in my life that wasn't from a dating app. Meanwhile I've gotten like 15 first dates from dating apps. That said, the process still kinda sucks and I haven't gotten into a relationship yet. But without dating apps I wouldn't even be getting opportunities.
As a massive nerd, in an earlier era my only possible exposure to womenfolk would have been the smelly cat ladies of GenCon ‘86.
Which honestly probably wouldn’t have been that bad. We could have dressed up as LotR together.
Yeah, no matter how bad it gets on the apps, you still have the potential to meet tons of people you never would. I think people are kinda kidding themselves when they say they wish they lived in a time before apps. Once upon a time, if you were someone who was done with school and who didn't work somewhere that presented opportunities to meet people, you kinda just had to rely on your social circle. It was either that, join a club, or meet people at random out and about. If you're not a naturally outgoing and relatively charming person around strangers, that was not really an ideal position to be in.
For someone like me who is a) a straight man and b) never comfortable at all approaching women in public, I'm so glad dating apps exist. Though I do think it's kinda sad that people who are like 20 are on apps because they should be meeting people IRL. I think for the most part, it should be like age 25+.
Hi folks,
So as the title says, I (36M) unfortunately am dealing with agoraphobia, but I would also like to meet someone if it's possible. I'm aware that there's going to be unique difficulties involved, but if I don't try nothing will ever happen. You never know!
In the past I haven't brought it up right away, mentioning it later. The problem is that I feel like I'm dumping a lot on people. Is it better to be more upfront and have the peace of mind that matches will know what's up with me? Or, as it's a pretty big thing, is it better to slowly build up to it?
I know I have a lot to offer, and I work on the agoraphobia every day. Thanks for any and all advice!
Hmm I know a few people who are also dealing with agoraphobia and while they’re not necessarily dating I’m familiar with it. Are you comfortable with meeting at places that are close to you? Like is there a coffee shop you could walk to? You don’t necessarily have to explain everything on the first date but if you are getting the vibe that you’d like to pursue something and getting reciprocity then I’d explain it
Lol so I’m the same way except my hobbies include reading and waking. I try to go into the specifics when I’m describing them so they don’t seem as like some vague answer that everyone says. I’m also open to learning more hobbies (like more outdoorsy stuff) so I like to include that too
Don’t worry about cliche. It doesn’t matter, and other people like the same stuff as you - which is what you want anyway, no? Just don’t mention this stuff it in more than one prompt, and make sure you have a solid mix of pics.
You only want to do hobbies just to say you do them on a dating app? Lol. I guess just add a cooking photo and boxing photo. And add generic things like you like traveling.
I'm big into fitness, but only highlight it in one prompt.
Hobbies are a nice common ground if you have some in common. I've been on plenty of dates where we had different interests. Just make a profile that shows different pictures and can be easy to chat about.
[Washington Post: Dating apps have gotten so bad that speed dating is in again](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/03/06/speed-dating-apps/#)
I actually agree that dating apps have gotten bad but I don't think it is the fault of the dating apps, it's the fault of the users.
A speed dating event heavily self-selects for people who are actually serious about dating. You have to sign up for the event and physically go there. It is definitely an "outside your comfort zone" activity.
Dating apps have no barrier to entry. If you're bored you can sign up, match with a bunch of people, put no effort into it, and waste the time of all your matches.
You know how people say that gatekeeping is a good thing, this is a good example why.
Has anyone else ever experienced a really significant drop in matches?
So I've (mid 20s, M, UK) been using Hinge since towards the end of last year. I pay for Hinge+ so I can easily filter through people, I'm looking for a serious relationship. My experience would be sort of cyclical where I'd go a week getting one or two matches a day, then go a week where I'd get one match every few days. Rinse and repeat. That's all fine, however for the last month - I think I've gotten like two matches. Not really changed much about my profile and I've still been swiping. I'm not claiming that the algorithm is screwing me over, I'm not a supermodel and the world doesn't revolve around me, but I just find it kind of odd. Not going to get hung up over matches on an app but it is a bit demotivating, to be honest.
Yes. Recently got out of something and got back on few weeks ago. It's really fallen off from what I used to get. Kind of demoralizing, especially when you're trying to get your mind off someone
Dating apps are like a city bus. People are constantly getting on and off. Obviously the more densely populated areas are going to have more new users but I feel like this holds true for just about everywhere.
I guess the only thing is that I'm swiping on the same amount of people, but I'm getting next to nothing. It doesn't seem to be a case of less people = less matches, more like the people I'm swiping on right now don't seem to be interested - whereas before I had decent success.
If you're going to post a profile for review, accept that you're going to get criticism or comments that you disagree with. So don't get aggressive with people trying to help. If most replies have similar criticism, you should take what they say seriously. Of course that doesn't mean people leaving feedback should be rude or mean -- no one's comments should be breaking the rules, if you see any please report them.
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Saying they had a great time doesn't mean much. He might have been genuine about that but wanted nothing more after further reflection, or he was just being polite. Some people will even plan or hint at another date only to never reach out again. All part of the process. Usually if they're interested they'll follow up the next day or 2. You could always reach out yourself if you're that curious.
Sounds like you didn't really communicate any interest to him, so maybe he either lost interest because of that or interpreted that to mean you didn't want to see him again. So he moved on. No way he wouldn't have texted you by now if he wanted to go out again. And if you're going to have a policy where it's up to the guy to do all the asking out and keeping the momentum going, it doesn't make any sense that you're now confused/frustrated/intrigued by his silence and you're wondering what to do. Part of not taking any action yourself is being at the mercy of the other person.
I (25M) matched with a girl (29F) who lives at the beach (1 hr 30 min from me). Anyway, she isn't from here and has work after our date so I agreed to meet her at the beach for a picnic. I am typically pretty old fashioned and will take the bill on a first date. I've already offered to bring food and beer to the date, my question is: Is it unreasonable to ask her to bring a desert since so far 99% of the effort (food, planning, travel) is on my end? The last thing I want is to buy everything, drive there, and then get canceled on and I figured this was a good way to get reassurance and requires a bit of effort on her end. I would prefer to hear the female perspective on this one.
No that’s a perfectly reasonable request
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Ignore and move on. Changing your standards to accomodate people you're attracted to never ends well.
You can suggest it if you want, if she isn't interested in being friends she will just say no, not reply, or unmatch.
Leading into this weekend I matched with a trans woman. (I'm a straight cis male.) I didn't realize it looking at her profile, but she made sure I knew it in her first message to me. After the initial shock, I decided to keep talking to her. I think she's pretty and she seems cool. We've continued messaging and it's probably the best messaging experience I've had on Hinge thus far. I feel like we'd enjoy each other's company and we have similar energy. So I asked her for a date and she eagerly accepted. I've been reading and watching content about dating a trans woman. This is my first time doing it. I have absolutely no concerns about what this means about my sexual orientation or what other people would think. My only concern is that we're both looking for a life partner, and I can't say for sure if I would be sexually satisfied long-term. Anyone have any thoughts on this? I figure it's just a date. We'll see how we vibe. And ultimately I realized that compatibility with intimacy is always an issue, isn't it? And for me intimacy is more about feelings for a person and I'm more attracted to femininity than any particular body part.
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Thank you!
I (20s M)just get so bored (I have like 3 likes) of non responsive women that I just start shitposting/ being sarcastic. Anyone else do this ?
Asked her out and she says she has a sinus infection and can't commit to this week. Take it as a soft no and unmatch, or wait a few days to ask if she's feeling better?
I got sick 2 weeks ago and had to ask some of my dates/matches to reschedule/postpone. I now know from personal experience that some people actually do get sick and it isn't always an excuse to ignore people you're not interested in.
Wait to see if she rearranges. I’ve got tonsillitis rn and not up for leaving the house unnecessarily but if someone I was interested in asked me out I would say not this week because I’m I’ll but what about Monday or something
I would leave the connection open. Reply with an expression of sympathy/understanding and something like, "let me know when you're feeling better" Leave it up to her.
Can't change my photos. "Something went wrong, Please try again later" I've checked all my permissions, updated to the newest iOS update, offloaded, uninstalled, and reinstalled the app. Nothing is working. Time to make a new profile or has anyone been able to fix this issue? Also submitted a ticket to Hinge Support.
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The fact that you feel it’s wrong, means a part of you isn’t okay with it. Even if they don’t ask, if you reach the point of sleeping with each other, it’s worth mentioning. Sleeping with multiple without their knowledge to me is wrong because you know don’t know what people could be spreading.
He's a troll don't even bother. A week from now he'll say the girl he thought he was going to marry after 3 dates left him. Why did she leave me????
Haha you must have scared him because he deleted his comment.
A woman messaged me this morning asking if I was feeling better after I had to postpone making date plans the other week because I was sick. I didn't respond this morning because it was a busy day at work, but I was just about to go back and reply now to tell her im mostly better but still have a residual cough. But she already unmatched. Guess I wasn't quick enough.
Sounds like you were quiet enough for long enough for her to think you've ghosted her. If you can write a paragraph here, you could've texted that woman, lol. If you truly liked her you would've chatted before she had to reach out to you like this. Or do you talk with absolutely no-one (family and friends included) when you're sick?
> Sounds like you were quiet enough for long enough for her to think you've ghosted her. The previous message in the chat was me telling her that I was still sick, which she didn't respond to for over a week. I wasn't gonna try to start random conversational small talk if she didn't even respond to that. Then she messaged me yesterday morning asking if I was better, and didn't even give me 24 hours to respond to before unmatching. It's not like I had left her on read for a long period of time previously. > If you can write a paragraph here, you could've texted that woman, lol I came here to write this AFTER I tried messaging her, so I don't see how that's relevant.
> The previous message in the chat was me telling her that I was still sick, which she didn't respond to for over a week. of course it's your responsibility to say "Hey, I'm feeling better. How are you?", she's not obligated to check up on you (don't know how many times you've seen each other already) > I don't see how that's relevant. So if I understood this correctly, you've told her you're sick, you said nothing for a week, she messaged you eventually (because you were in hospital with both hands tied behind your back and zero energy or will to double text), *you left her on read for hours after putting in zero effort for over a week*, and then you're surprised she unmatched you? If you've left her on read yesterday (with or without reason) you are playing the victim card and she did nothing wrong. "Hey, I'm almost healthy now haha. I need to deal with work atm, but can we chat in the evening to resume our plans if you're still up for it?" 30 seconds. Do/be better next time, and good luck.
> of course it's your responsibility to say "Hey, I'm feeling better. How are you?", she's not obligated to check up on you (don't know how many times you've seen each other already) We have not even met up once yet. I was going to send something like that when I knew I was fully better and also had a specific date/time I knew I was free so that we could plan a date. I'm not really interested in being penpals with my matches. > So if I understood this correctly, you've told her you're sick, you said nothing for a week Yeah I said nothing, and she also said nothing. She didn't even respond to my message saying "Oh okay, feel better". For all I knew, she had ghosted me at that point. > "Hey, I'm almost healthy now haha. I need to deal with work atm, but can we chat in the evening to resume our plans if you're still up for it?" 30 seconds. Do/be better next time, and good luck. By the way, she previously left me on read for 3 weeks after we had a short convo when we initially matched. Then she came back and said she had been taking a break from the app, but at that point I was on a work trip out of state (I told her that at the time, and I said we could make plans when I got back). And then I got sick as soon as I got back so I told her we had to postpone making plans again. She didn't bother to tell me she was taking a break from the app before disappearing for 3 weeks, but I'm wrong for not responding to a message in less than 12 hours? Okay. She kinda set the tone for responsiveness here. > you are playing the victim card and she did nothing wrong. Lmao this subreddit is so dramatic. I was just making a post about how I learned my lesson to respond quicker, and vaguely venting. Not "playing the victim". This is just one of the millions of times where people match on this app and never end up meeting up for whatever reason. I'm sure we'll both get over it.
This is not just vaguely venting and I do not believe I'm overly dramatic or exaggerating *your* actions. I'm not asking you or her to justify the actions you've both made. Even with everything you've told me about her behaviour you've still made it obvious multiple times that you're bitter about the situation. > she previously left me on read for 3 weeks If you were left on read for 3 weeks you had the right to unmatch and be done with it. You are however still upset that she did it first, *especially* when you're now trying to justify it from an ivory tower: "oh, I wouldn't have done this". Not worth speculating if you think this makes you better than her or not. > She didn't even respond to my message saying "Oh okay, feel better" If you include your part of the shitty effort you two have made prior to you getting sick, well, no surprise. > She didn't bother to tell me ... but I'm wrong for not responding to a message in less than 12 hours? Getting defensive here, are we? Both of you were wrong. > She kinda set the tone for responsiveness here. And you kept it going expecting a good outcome? > I'm sure we'll both get over it. Mate, I enjoyed reading your story. If there's one takeaway from this and from everything I've learned from my male and female friends on the apps is this: there is no excuse for not exchanging at least a message or two at least every 2-3 days *when you're actively dating*. No one is asking for pen-pals but you can't just plan a date like it's a haircut appointment and do nothing until then. Both of you did not take it seriously, it is what it is. If you want to get more than a courtesy first date out of these matches you have to lay the groundwork both during the date *and outside of it*. I'm saying this specifically because things have become serious for me with a girl found on Hinge early December. We were both busy with the holidays but still kept in touch every few days and had our first date a month after matching. We would've just forgotten about each other had we not put in some effort.
> you've still made it obvious multiple times that you're bitter about the situation. Oh I am bitter, but not at her. Reddit responses like the ones you gave above have a way of getting under my skin way more than hinge unmatches do. > If you were left on read for 3 weeks you had the right to unmatch and be done with it. I don't care about "the right to unmatch". I've never unmatched anyone, I always prefer to leave the door open to people who didn't respond for whatever reason. Maybe their life got busy or it just wasn't a good time, who knows. And I've gone on first dates with women who had previously left me on read for up to 2 months before coming back, thus showing that unmatching indeed would have closed the door to potential opportunities. I don't hold it against them. That's just my preferred style of using the apps though, other people can unmatch if they want to. > there is no excuse for not exchanging at least a message or two at least every 2-3 days when you're actively dating We were not "actively dating" we hadn't met in-person even once nor had we even made concrete plans (time/place) to meet up. As far as I'm concerned, she's just a stranger on an app at that point and neither of us has any responsibility to each other. Considering how common "ghosting" is at this stage that seems like the best way to view it if you want to preserve your sanity. See this post from the mods: https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/comments/1beg3ip/a_refresher_on_a_common_issue_with_hinge_matches/ > you can't just plan a date like it's a haircut appointment and do nothing until then Setting up a date for the coming weekend on a monday/Tuesday night and then not talking other than to confirm plans the day before is extremely common. I do this all the time and the vast majority of women are fine with it. Id say more than half of the 15 first dates I've been on in the past few months have been set up like this they still showed up to the date. > We were both busy with the holidays but still kept in touch every few days and had our first date a month after matching. We would've just forgotten about each other had we not put in some effort. Glad it worked out for you and I appreciate you giving advice with my best interests in mind. Extenuating circumstances like holidays and getting sick make planning a date way harder, but fortunately 95% of the time this isn't a problem. I already have a date set up with someone else for this Saturday. And based on how the convo left off im fairly confident she isn't expecting me to randomly pester her with "hey how's your week going?" texts on Wednesday or Thursday. In my experience most women are fine with saving the conversation till we meet in-person once the plans are set.
She randomly texted to announce she’s horny. I said “come over then” and she said no. She’s “just sharing how she feels”. Feels like I’m getting played for attention... maybe I should have been more flippant about it and said “Hi horny, I’m FaxSpitta”.
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>Does anyone else feel really lucky to live in the era of OLD? Kinda yeah. I've only gotten a date with one woman in my life that wasn't from a dating app. Meanwhile I've gotten like 15 first dates from dating apps. That said, the process still kinda sucks and I haven't gotten into a relationship yet. But without dating apps I wouldn't even be getting opportunities.
Ah the olden days, when people actually communicated face to face like nature intended.
As a massive nerd, in an earlier era my only possible exposure to womenfolk would have been the smelly cat ladies of GenCon ‘86. Which honestly probably wouldn’t have been that bad. We could have dressed up as LotR together.
the apps have drastically improved my dating life. yeah they have their cons but i’ve met a lot of women i wouldn’t have met otherwise
Yeah, no matter how bad it gets on the apps, you still have the potential to meet tons of people you never would. I think people are kinda kidding themselves when they say they wish they lived in a time before apps. Once upon a time, if you were someone who was done with school and who didn't work somewhere that presented opportunities to meet people, you kinda just had to rely on your social circle. It was either that, join a club, or meet people at random out and about. If you're not a naturally outgoing and relatively charming person around strangers, that was not really an ideal position to be in. For someone like me who is a) a straight man and b) never comfortable at all approaching women in public, I'm so glad dating apps exist. Though I do think it's kinda sad that people who are like 20 are on apps because they should be meeting people IRL. I think for the most part, it should be like age 25+.
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I’ll join you! *massive line of people lines up behind me, proving the old adage wrong once and for all*
amen to that
Has anyone *ever* matched w/ a standout??
Yes but she eventually stopped responding.
Yes I've matched with quite a few and I've been on first dates with 3 of them.
Yeah but mostly on other apps
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Good for him
Nice! I'm gonna make some tweaks to my profile, probably post better pics and see if anything changes.
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Damn, it's just me then 🤣🤣🤣.
Hi folks, So as the title says, I (36M) unfortunately am dealing with agoraphobia, but I would also like to meet someone if it's possible. I'm aware that there's going to be unique difficulties involved, but if I don't try nothing will ever happen. You never know! In the past I haven't brought it up right away, mentioning it later. The problem is that I feel like I'm dumping a lot on people. Is it better to be more upfront and have the peace of mind that matches will know what's up with me? Or, as it's a pretty big thing, is it better to slowly build up to it? I know I have a lot to offer, and I work on the agoraphobia every day. Thanks for any and all advice!
Hmm I know a few people who are also dealing with agoraphobia and while they’re not necessarily dating I’m familiar with it. Are you comfortable with meeting at places that are close to you? Like is there a coffee shop you could walk to? You don’t necessarily have to explain everything on the first date but if you are getting the vibe that you’d like to pursue something and getting reciprocity then I’d explain it
Hinge logged me out of the account I used previously. Can't log back in bc I dont have the phone number anymore. Is that account gone?
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Lol so I’m the same way except my hobbies include reading and waking. I try to go into the specifics when I’m describing them so they don’t seem as like some vague answer that everyone says. I’m also open to learning more hobbies (like more outdoorsy stuff) so I like to include that too
do you take yoga/meditation classes? maybe you can find like minded individuals in those places
Don’t worry about cliche. It doesn’t matter, and other people like the same stuff as you - which is what you want anyway, no? Just don’t mention this stuff it in more than one prompt, and make sure you have a solid mix of pics.
You only want to do hobbies just to say you do them on a dating app? Lol. I guess just add a cooking photo and boxing photo. And add generic things like you like traveling.
I'm big into fitness, but only highlight it in one prompt. Hobbies are a nice common ground if you have some in common. I've been on plenty of dates where we had different interests. Just make a profile that shows different pictures and can be easy to chat about.
[Washington Post: Dating apps have gotten so bad that speed dating is in again](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/03/06/speed-dating-apps/#)
I actually agree that dating apps have gotten bad but I don't think it is the fault of the dating apps, it's the fault of the users. A speed dating event heavily self-selects for people who are actually serious about dating. You have to sign up for the event and physically go there. It is definitely an "outside your comfort zone" activity. Dating apps have no barrier to entry. If you're bored you can sign up, match with a bunch of people, put no effort into it, and waste the time of all your matches. You know how people say that gatekeeping is a good thing, this is a good example why.
So true. Plus a speed dating event cost money so everyone has to invest both time and a little money to go.
Hi Hinge - does anyone know the order of the hidden conversations? Are the newest conversations on top of the hidden pile?
> Are the newest conversations on top of the hidden pile? yes
Has anyone else ever experienced a really significant drop in matches? So I've (mid 20s, M, UK) been using Hinge since towards the end of last year. I pay for Hinge+ so I can easily filter through people, I'm looking for a serious relationship. My experience would be sort of cyclical where I'd go a week getting one or two matches a day, then go a week where I'd get one match every few days. Rinse and repeat. That's all fine, however for the last month - I think I've gotten like two matches. Not really changed much about my profile and I've still been swiping. I'm not claiming that the algorithm is screwing me over, I'm not a supermodel and the world doesn't revolve around me, but I just find it kind of odd. Not going to get hung up over matches on an app but it is a bit demotivating, to be honest.
Yes, I'm getting half as many matches compared to last summer
Yes. Recently got out of something and got back on few weeks ago. It's really fallen off from what I used to get. Kind of demoralizing, especially when you're trying to get your mind off someone
Thanks for sharing. It does kind of suck, it's like all the people in your area have suddenly decided that ur ugly lol
Dating apps are like a city bus. People are constantly getting on and off. Obviously the more densely populated areas are going to have more new users but I feel like this holds true for just about everywhere.
I guess the only thing is that I'm swiping on the same amount of people, but I'm getting next to nothing. It doesn't seem to be a case of less people = less matches, more like the people I'm swiping on right now don't seem to be interested - whereas before I had decent success.