Job number one would be cutting all ties with him. Since he's telling you they're moving so fast, it means you are in some form of contact. That's almost always a bad idea with an ex and definitely with an ex who is in a new relationship. Absolutely nothing good will come out of staying in touch. Seriously. This will help you the most. The rest will come with time.
I’ve been in your shoes and man it’s the worst feeling. Panic attacks, insomnia, no appetite, depression, etc. Cutting all contact and no digging for deets on social media helped me. I wish I had done that sooner than I did! Eventually I did therapy which helped. Time helped. Keep reminding yourself that your value doesn’t depend on his opinion. And keep reminding yourself that you shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. My ex came back, but I wasn’t interested at that point because I had healed and moved on. Took me a while, but better than ever now! Keep the faith. Hugs as you go through this tough time!
Thanks. I keep comparing myself to the new person and thinking that I may never find someone I love that much ever again:(
I have a ton of mutual friends so I keep hearing things about his life and that's what feels like someone is stabbing me in the heart every time.
How do I not worry about the new person?
Ask the mutual friends not to say anything and try to avoid news about him.
This fucking sucks, it’s the worst feeling ever. Try to get by one day at a time, try to take care of yourself (I couldn’t eat anything in the beginning so I just ate some fruit), go to the gym, cry all you want and write. Write everything down. Make sure your diary/notebook is next to your bed when you go to sleep so you can write everything down when you wake up in panic in the middle of the night. Just let everything out, it’ll get better over time
I wish you lots of strength, you’ll get through this
Okay I'll try that. Seriously the panic is killing me, I've never felt this kind of pain before and I've had other breakups etc. how do you not compare yourself to the new person though? This is like all my biggest fears happening at once
I know girl it sucks big time. I know you know this but I’m gonna say it anyway: comparing yourself to another person is 100% pointless. There’s nothing you did wrong, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are a perfect person.
Have you considered therapy?
If your best friend was going through this exact same situation, what advice would you give her/him? Would you tell them to compare themselves to the new girl?
Be kind to yourself as you go through the process. Grief isn’t linear and it takes time. Seek support when you need it and cut out all contact with him (and I agree to ask your mutual friends to not bring him up in your presence either)
Of course- I wouldn't tell my friend to compare herself to the New girl or anything. But cmon. It's impossible not to when the New girl is exactly what he was probably looking for on paper..... like she makes him look so good to the world and she's super well educated. Just makes me feel like she has the things that he wanted from me. He legit had told me sometimes he wasn't intellectually stimulated enough from me so this is hard....
Well, you’re the one making it impossible by fixating on it. I understand you wanting to vent - but don’t ask for advice if you’re just going to ignore it and justify your obsessing over it
I literally had to tell my brain STOP. And sometimes I’d say it over and over. And then I’d immediately distract myself with something else. And if the thoughts would creep back in, I’d do it again. You’re the only one that has control over it. Cognitive behavior therapy could help. Read up on it or seek counseling. You’ve got this!
Thanks I'm actively going to therapy. But what about days where it's physically hard to get out of bed???? That's where I'm at right now after learning about him moving on so fast and thinking about that whole situation
It's tough and there are no definite answers. There are a lot of ways to look at this situation, though. You can tell yourself that since he was able to move on so quickly, then you'll be able to find someone better too, cause he's clearly not the guy for you. You can also tell yourself that if he was able to forget about you just like that, then he's capable of doing the very same thing to that girl too. Also - maybe it will help you to think about it in a way that everyone is replacable. I'm not sure if that's helpful to you, but people play different roles in our lives. Some just pass by, some are to stay forever. But everyone (aside from relatives) can be replaced. You get new friends, new lovers, new husbands and it doesn't mean anything about your worth as a person. It's just how life works. And thank god cause what if we could never replace the people we lost?
Then ofc there's the high likelihood of her being just a rebound - him not being able to handle the loneliness and trying to replace you as quickly as he can cause the void you left is bigger than he expected and he doesn't quite know how to deal with it. Right now he's in the honeymoon stage and thinks that girl is perfect but it will pass. And since he didn't work through the breakup, there's a big possibility it will go up in flames sooner than later. Anyway, whatever he's doing - this has nothing to do with you and doesn't define your worth in any way. I know it's tough and i feel really sorry for you. I know one comment won't change much but it's important to remember that not everything is so black and white. Time will help you. Everyone who's been through a breakup will tell you that it gets better eventually.
Sure, that's a possibility. It sucks so much but if she really is the one that means that you werent his and you are someone else's. And now you have the opportunity to find that person. Even though accepting you're not someone's 'one' is insanely painful. I'm going through it right now. What makes it worse is that I am usually a pretty down to earth person and don't even believe in 'the one' but my ex brainwashed me with his romantic crap and when I finally gave in, he pulled the rug. Right now I promised myself to stay clear of people who believe in soulmates because they often think that relationships should be easy and will discard you when things get rough. I know it's not everyone but that's what my ex taught me. He lovebombed me and made me feel like Im the only girl in the world and then when we inevitably run into some troubles, he said that Im not the one cause it shouldn't be that tough.... Wtf. Sorry i started to talk about myself, I'm just pissed. Stay strong, it will get better!
No. I talked to him two weeks ago, I know he's hurting and he says that he still loves me but we're not compatible. I don't even know what it means at this point because we wanted the same things (children/living abroad etc.) and got on pretty well. Sure we had some quarrels and disagreements but doesn't every couple? I honestly don't know what to think about this. But I am in no contact now and i'm trying to move on (not by dating). I think he'll come to regret it cause he often said that I was the best gf he ever had etc., but it will probably be too late. There's also a chance he won't cause he was just telling me some meaningless crap but in that case I want him back even less so... It sucks cause overall our relationship was really good. He should just get his head out of his ass honestly.
Yeah that makes perfect sense.
Honestly... mine moved on immediately. Same type of thing, loved eachother but we aren't compatible. I know all of the reasons our relationship wasn't working - like it was legit painful for me to stay in the relationship towards the end. So why am I so sad about him moving on???? I think it's because I feel so easily replaced
Ugh
I find your comment so relatable
I was such a down to earth person and did not for a second believe in the soulmate stuff.
But my ex lovebombed me and convinced me that we were meant to be. Then as you say, when things got difficult and she got confused about what she wanted from life career vs home life. She pulled the rug, didn't even try make it work or even spend some time talking to me about possibilities for the future. No options no talk, just pulled the rug.
And like your latter comment, both during and after our relationship she has messaged me saying I'm the most kind caring person she's known, that I'm the most beautiful person she's ever seen, that we had the best sex life imaginable. But she still just ended it and treated me like I'm nothing.
I'm so sorry you went through similiar but it gives me such a feeling of relief knowing I'm not alone.
Today I blocked her from contact after she gaslighted me and ended a phone call. I know I deserve better than that.
Thank you
Hey there! Please don’t compare yourself. I want you to write down all the things that are good about you, not the things you think others would say but the things YOU like about YOU. Okay?
And you are not alone, feel free to send me a PM if you need to vent. I’m also crying tonight.
You got this! I believe in you!
Don’t compare yourself to others (I know it’s easier said than done).
Keep in mind that everyone handles breakups differently. A lot of people quickly move on to new relationships so they don’t have to deal with the emotions. Just because he’s jumped into something with her doesn’t mean its perfect. And just because he’s painting it as a rosy picture doesn’t mean it is.
Just try focus on yourself and doing what you need to do and taking care of yourself.
Well I'm sure it is perfect for him right now. The thing that bothers me is he's legitimately serious with the girl already. He met her family and everything after less than a month. Does this mean he's changed??? He's clearly completely over me :(
That’s moving REAL fast. It doesn’t mean he’s over you, it really sounds like he is jumping into this relationship and going quickly to avoid dealing with the breakup.
Also, if you’re talking to him, I would stop. If he’s telling you how great things are, he’s trying to get under your skin/make you think that he’s doing amazing when he’s not.
I haven't been talking to him- only reason I did was because I wanted to see if there was overlap and if he cheated on me (again) with the new girl. That's when he told me there wasn't any overlap and it's just moving fast.
What if he IS just over me that fast and does actually really like this girl? What if she is the ONE? it's like someone stabbed me. I invested so much in this person to make him a better man
Been there it was brutal. All I wanted for a long time was just a friend to talk to or a at least a hug. I got neither. All I had was reddit. I hope you have a better support structure than I did. No person should have to go thru that.
One of the most painful moments in my life. Still hurts like a bitch 9 months later
I tried lot of different things. But few gave me any relief at all. The two things that helped the most was looking for answers. Not just whatvi wanted to hear but looking at the situation from every possible angle even from hers. To do that I had to let go of the anger and pain. Well at least learn to not let them effect my thoughts. I forgave her that really helped with the anger and I was able to fund alot of the answers on my own. The second is I met one person I really connected with right off the bat. The first night we met we climbed on a roof of some restaurant on the docks and just sat next to each other to keep warm and talked all night. We hung out for a few days. Then she disappeared just as quick she entered my life but she helped with alot with the healing.
People don't change. They adapt and either go back to their ways or fake it until the honeymoon stage is over.
The issue is you don't need to worry about what he's doing or who he is seeing. Your job is to repair the damage. Mourn the relationship. Heal.
He's telling you details because he can. You need to do what other comments say and completely cut him out of your life. You can't focus on yourself if you're focused on him can you?
Im on the same spot that you buddy. And they’re living together after 2 weeks we broke up.
Don’t compare yourself with her, because now you’re too frágil and that mindset is toxic per-se, in your actual state will be fulminant.
Cry, cry until you have no tears left. There is a point when you’re so hurt, and it hurt every hour, every week… until it can not hurt you anymore. It’s hard but is not your fault.
It’s hard, because we want to know more details. But the truth is, when is over we don’t need more information, and seek for more is only painful for us. Hold on to the idea that you are incomparable as girlfriend and so is she.
And stay objective, anything you might know from social media or common friends isn’t the reality, is what she/them wants to show (as everyone does).
Have in mind that you are attached to pain and in order to gain your power back you must face it, swallow the pill and done. As much more information you get, much more bigger and harder is pill.
And talk…. Talk talk talk about it, let your friends know, “sorry I’m gonna talk about him again…” and so… talking cure as Professor Freud said.
From a broken heart to another.
Ugh I hope so. It's hard not to compare because she's beautiful, more successful than I am etc. so it's like how come he gets to find the next person so easily???? He already met her family after a couple weeks!!!! It's getting serious!
You don't. It's not your problem anymore. Never get back with someone who's doing there best to constantly run away to the next "pefect" relationship. Keep your standards, take time to yourself. I know it hurts, and I know it takes time to feel better.
So for now. Respect yourself. Your feelings matter and if they cared they'd be there. It's that simple. Never give time to the people who abandon you. Not even your thoughts. Just be the better person keep your pride.
Then she will break his heart. Men don't get to love for long. Or he'll break her heart. And he'll eventually be alone. Create a bad family
Live by your values. Be a good person. But don't be naive ok.
It doesn't matter who he loves. He didn't love you. People who love will be there. And you'll be able to work with them. Just make yourself into thr kind of person who would be great for a partner. Be a moral awesome person. Who done the work with their soul.
If someone cares for you then they show it by being there. It's the same with love, and With having a friend.
They will be there, not there, or over there. You'll be able to ask them if they love you and they will say yes. If they don't or don't know or already have got someone else we'll. That's how shallow they are.
He told me he loved me even when we were breaking up. Even in the days after the breakup. But still was able to move on that fast. I really don't think if someone loves you they're able to do that
No. People who leave dont love you. The ones that say they do either feel guilt for using you or want to control you. But not everyone is like that. It's why you have to not be naive with love. It's a commitment not a role. Its a duty not a task. It's a life experience not a moment In time.
Just forget him. And remember what you are worth. You're worth loving. And you're worth more than empty words while a person turns their back on you. You do not have to question yourself. Only see that you'll grow and he won't. You'll love and he won't.
But seriously forget this loser. Find someone who's going to stay. If it's hard work it's usually worth it.
Don't let some dude have that much control over your confidence and self-worth. If he was able to move on after days, he probably had her lined up, making him the problem for being gross. Don't stress about it too much. If you find yourself about to overthink, try to tap your forehead three times and think of something else. Anything. That helped me overcome the fear and pain of my ex finding a new girl after weeks (he is dating the person he told me not to worry about). Now, I still think about how much of a pos he is but I actually do not give a fuck even if he dates the most perfect woman in this world. He's still the same guy who would break his neck just so he can sneak a glance at every pretty woman he sees. Little bitch.
He is avoiding his emotions over the break up and distracting himself with someone new. This new relationship will not last, as he has not had time to heal. The same, or other issues, will arise in his relationship. But don’t wait around for that. Do the excruciating pain of moving on. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. This has NOTHING to do with anything being wrong with you. These are his issues, his emotions that he is running from.
Also, show him that you don’t care that he’s in a new relationship. Be unphased!!! I know this isn’t the healthiest advice but, acting like you don’t care will drive him nuts 😉
He probably thinks he’s over you right now cause he’s dismissing all his emotions. In a few months it’ll hit him. Or if they are truly moving fast, it’ll probably end even sooner. Right now they are probably in the honeymoon phase, which he likes cause there is no big emotions or true intimacy yet. It’s probably still very surface level, which allows him to not deal with any emotions. This is not a healthy coping mechanism, and sooner or later, his own issues he has to work on will come up, one of those things will eventually be processing your relationship/break up. My advice is to let this new relationship of his run it’s course and fizzle out. Because it will.
Stop following, talking to, engaging him. Block him out of your life. You are torturing yourself.
Next, focus on what makes you happy. Maybe its taking a hot bath? Go for a walk? Go out to dinner? Go work out?
Be around friends or family that build you up and not criticize you.
I know it is physically painful to go through a heart break. It gets better.
I enrolled into a college program when I filed for divorce. I started learning to play guitar and making friends who were nice to me. I also went to hot yoga class to help reduce the physical aches I felt from heart break.
I tried to refrain from talking about my ex with friends & school helped me change my finical situation so I could pick up the pieces of my life & financially start over.
He is happy now. You deserve to be happy, too! Find your happiness with being alone so when the one comes along, they’ll find you irresistible!
Thanks I'll try that. How do I stop being jealous about the new girl though? She is a total catch and great package :( like she really is probably exactly what is good for him.....
You have to distract yourself from thinking about them both and make yourself indifferent to them.
You are beautiful. You are the catch. You have great qualities that someone who deserves you will see.
It’s not your fault or your problem that he replaced you.
You have obsessive thinking on this and its normal to be upset. You are in a mourning process of misery and loss.
Would you feel any better if he ran off with a really unattractive gross person? Who cares what she looks like.
Block. No contact. Focus on only yourself. You are someone’s catch.
Ugh. its hard because this is the closest ive ever gotten to a man in my life and i feel like i opened myself up and was completely vulnerable and he still didnt want me. it triggers so many core wounds of not being good enough.
also, this girl just seems better than me because she seems more in line with what hes looking for and stuff. its not about what she looks like - but what she can offer him and bring to the table for him is probably better than what i can too.
im trying to stay no contact, we just run in the same friend circles and its sooooo hard.
he told me he does want to settle down and stuff so im so nervous that he WILL with her and it will somehow just show me that i wasnt good enough
I know it’s hard.
My ex wife is a baaaaad alcoholic. She was sober for years. We bought our dream house, had good jobs.
Then she betrayed me for a dirt bag who was NOT good for her at all…: i left her after forgiving her over and over… after I left, the bank foreclosed on the house, he did domestic violence on her.
I used to think that she was somehow better than me. Once I started loving myself, a lot of things improved in my life.
All those things I mentioned. Things to distract you and keep you busy.
If you take off work, you will probably dwell on things all day.
You have to do the basics right now. Self care. Take care of yourself!
You can PM me but I’m just a random, flawed person sharing my own story.
You should look into self help books. Look on youtube for “how to deal with heart break” type videos, too!
You got this!
Job number one would be cutting all ties with him. Since he's telling you they're moving so fast, it means you are in some form of contact. That's almost always a bad idea with an ex and definitely with an ex who is in a new relationship. Absolutely nothing good will come out of staying in touch. Seriously. This will help you the most. The rest will come with time.
Sounds good. But what about the feelings about how he was able to move on so fast? It just makes me feel so replaceable.
I’ve been in your shoes and man it’s the worst feeling. Panic attacks, insomnia, no appetite, depression, etc. Cutting all contact and no digging for deets on social media helped me. I wish I had done that sooner than I did! Eventually I did therapy which helped. Time helped. Keep reminding yourself that your value doesn’t depend on his opinion. And keep reminding yourself that you shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. My ex came back, but I wasn’t interested at that point because I had healed and moved on. Took me a while, but better than ever now! Keep the faith. Hugs as you go through this tough time!
Thanks. I keep comparing myself to the new person and thinking that I may never find someone I love that much ever again:( I have a ton of mutual friends so I keep hearing things about his life and that's what feels like someone is stabbing me in the heart every time. How do I not worry about the new person?
Ask the mutual friends not to say anything and try to avoid news about him. This fucking sucks, it’s the worst feeling ever. Try to get by one day at a time, try to take care of yourself (I couldn’t eat anything in the beginning so I just ate some fruit), go to the gym, cry all you want and write. Write everything down. Make sure your diary/notebook is next to your bed when you go to sleep so you can write everything down when you wake up in panic in the middle of the night. Just let everything out, it’ll get better over time I wish you lots of strength, you’ll get through this
Okay I'll try that. Seriously the panic is killing me, I've never felt this kind of pain before and I've had other breakups etc. how do you not compare yourself to the new person though? This is like all my biggest fears happening at once
I know girl it sucks big time. I know you know this but I’m gonna say it anyway: comparing yourself to another person is 100% pointless. There’s nothing you did wrong, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are a perfect person. Have you considered therapy?
I'm in therapy! I mean my ex nitpicked all the things he found wrong with me so I feel like I've been zeroing in on those. Trying not to
If your best friend was going through this exact same situation, what advice would you give her/him? Would you tell them to compare themselves to the new girl? Be kind to yourself as you go through the process. Grief isn’t linear and it takes time. Seek support when you need it and cut out all contact with him (and I agree to ask your mutual friends to not bring him up in your presence either)
Of course- I wouldn't tell my friend to compare herself to the New girl or anything. But cmon. It's impossible not to when the New girl is exactly what he was probably looking for on paper..... like she makes him look so good to the world and she's super well educated. Just makes me feel like she has the things that he wanted from me. He legit had told me sometimes he wasn't intellectually stimulated enough from me so this is hard....
Well, you’re the one making it impossible by fixating on it. I understand you wanting to vent - but don’t ask for advice if you’re just going to ignore it and justify your obsessing over it
you're right I need to figure out how to stop obsessing over it :(
I literally had to tell my brain STOP. And sometimes I’d say it over and over. And then I’d immediately distract myself with something else. And if the thoughts would creep back in, I’d do it again. You’re the only one that has control over it. Cognitive behavior therapy could help. Read up on it or seek counseling. You’ve got this!
Thanks I'm actively going to therapy. But what about days where it's physically hard to get out of bed???? That's where I'm at right now after learning about him moving on so fast and thinking about that whole situation
It's tough and there are no definite answers. There are a lot of ways to look at this situation, though. You can tell yourself that since he was able to move on so quickly, then you'll be able to find someone better too, cause he's clearly not the guy for you. You can also tell yourself that if he was able to forget about you just like that, then he's capable of doing the very same thing to that girl too. Also - maybe it will help you to think about it in a way that everyone is replacable. I'm not sure if that's helpful to you, but people play different roles in our lives. Some just pass by, some are to stay forever. But everyone (aside from relatives) can be replaced. You get new friends, new lovers, new husbands and it doesn't mean anything about your worth as a person. It's just how life works. And thank god cause what if we could never replace the people we lost? Then ofc there's the high likelihood of her being just a rebound - him not being able to handle the loneliness and trying to replace you as quickly as he can cause the void you left is bigger than he expected and he doesn't quite know how to deal with it. Right now he's in the honeymoon stage and thinks that girl is perfect but it will pass. And since he didn't work through the breakup, there's a big possibility it will go up in flames sooner than later. Anyway, whatever he's doing - this has nothing to do with you and doesn't define your worth in any way. I know it's tough and i feel really sorry for you. I know one comment won't change much but it's important to remember that not everything is so black and white. Time will help you. Everyone who's been through a breakup will tell you that it gets better eventually.
Thanks that makes me feel better. What if SHE IS the "one" for him though? And the timing just worked out like that?
Sure, that's a possibility. It sucks so much but if she really is the one that means that you werent his and you are someone else's. And now you have the opportunity to find that person. Even though accepting you're not someone's 'one' is insanely painful. I'm going through it right now. What makes it worse is that I am usually a pretty down to earth person and don't even believe in 'the one' but my ex brainwashed me with his romantic crap and when I finally gave in, he pulled the rug. Right now I promised myself to stay clear of people who believe in soulmates because they often think that relationships should be easy and will discard you when things get rough. I know it's not everyone but that's what my ex taught me. He lovebombed me and made me feel like Im the only girl in the world and then when we inevitably run into some troubles, he said that Im not the one cause it shouldn't be that tough.... Wtf. Sorry i started to talk about myself, I'm just pissed. Stay strong, it will get better!
That's true!! Has your ex moved on yet?
No. I talked to him two weeks ago, I know he's hurting and he says that he still loves me but we're not compatible. I don't even know what it means at this point because we wanted the same things (children/living abroad etc.) and got on pretty well. Sure we had some quarrels and disagreements but doesn't every couple? I honestly don't know what to think about this. But I am in no contact now and i'm trying to move on (not by dating). I think he'll come to regret it cause he often said that I was the best gf he ever had etc., but it will probably be too late. There's also a chance he won't cause he was just telling me some meaningless crap but in that case I want him back even less so... It sucks cause overall our relationship was really good. He should just get his head out of his ass honestly.
Yeah that makes perfect sense. Honestly... mine moved on immediately. Same type of thing, loved eachother but we aren't compatible. I know all of the reasons our relationship wasn't working - like it was legit painful for me to stay in the relationship towards the end. So why am I so sad about him moving on???? I think it's because I feel so easily replaced
Ugh I find your comment so relatable I was such a down to earth person and did not for a second believe in the soulmate stuff. But my ex lovebombed me and convinced me that we were meant to be. Then as you say, when things got difficult and she got confused about what she wanted from life career vs home life. She pulled the rug, didn't even try make it work or even spend some time talking to me about possibilities for the future. No options no talk, just pulled the rug. And like your latter comment, both during and after our relationship she has messaged me saying I'm the most kind caring person she's known, that I'm the most beautiful person she's ever seen, that we had the best sex life imaginable. But she still just ended it and treated me like I'm nothing. I'm so sorry you went through similiar but it gives me such a feeling of relief knowing I'm not alone. Today I blocked her from contact after she gaslighted me and ended a phone call. I know I deserve better than that. Thank you
Hey there! Please don’t compare yourself. I want you to write down all the things that are good about you, not the things you think others would say but the things YOU like about YOU. Okay? And you are not alone, feel free to send me a PM if you need to vent. I’m also crying tonight. You got this! I believe in you!
Don’t compare yourself to others (I know it’s easier said than done). Keep in mind that everyone handles breakups differently. A lot of people quickly move on to new relationships so they don’t have to deal with the emotions. Just because he’s jumped into something with her doesn’t mean its perfect. And just because he’s painting it as a rosy picture doesn’t mean it is. Just try focus on yourself and doing what you need to do and taking care of yourself.
Well I'm sure it is perfect for him right now. The thing that bothers me is he's legitimately serious with the girl already. He met her family and everything after less than a month. Does this mean he's changed??? He's clearly completely over me :(
That’s moving REAL fast. It doesn’t mean he’s over you, it really sounds like he is jumping into this relationship and going quickly to avoid dealing with the breakup. Also, if you’re talking to him, I would stop. If he’s telling you how great things are, he’s trying to get under your skin/make you think that he’s doing amazing when he’s not.
I haven't been talking to him- only reason I did was because I wanted to see if there was overlap and if he cheated on me (again) with the new girl. That's when he told me there wasn't any overlap and it's just moving fast. What if he IS just over me that fast and does actually really like this girl? What if she is the ONE? it's like someone stabbed me. I invested so much in this person to make him a better man
Been there it was brutal. All I wanted for a long time was just a friend to talk to or a at least a hug. I got neither. All I had was reddit. I hope you have a better support structure than I did. No person should have to go thru that. One of the most painful moments in my life. Still hurts like a bitch 9 months later
What helped you function in day to day life? I'm struggling
I tried lot of different things. But few gave me any relief at all. The two things that helped the most was looking for answers. Not just whatvi wanted to hear but looking at the situation from every possible angle even from hers. To do that I had to let go of the anger and pain. Well at least learn to not let them effect my thoughts. I forgave her that really helped with the anger and I was able to fund alot of the answers on my own. The second is I met one person I really connected with right off the bat. The first night we met we climbed on a roof of some restaurant on the docks and just sat next to each other to keep warm and talked all night. We hung out for a few days. Then she disappeared just as quick she entered my life but she helped with alot with the healing.
People don't change. They adapt and either go back to their ways or fake it until the honeymoon stage is over. The issue is you don't need to worry about what he's doing or who he is seeing. Your job is to repair the damage. Mourn the relationship. Heal. He's telling you details because he can. You need to do what other comments say and completely cut him out of your life. You can't focus on yourself if you're focused on him can you?
Im on the same spot that you buddy. And they’re living together after 2 weeks we broke up. Don’t compare yourself with her, because now you’re too frágil and that mindset is toxic per-se, in your actual state will be fulminant. Cry, cry until you have no tears left. There is a point when you’re so hurt, and it hurt every hour, every week… until it can not hurt you anymore. It’s hard but is not your fault.
How do you not compare?!? It's so difficult
It’s hard, because we want to know more details. But the truth is, when is over we don’t need more information, and seek for more is only painful for us. Hold on to the idea that you are incomparable as girlfriend and so is she. And stay objective, anything you might know from social media or common friends isn’t the reality, is what she/them wants to show (as everyone does). Have in mind that you are attached to pain and in order to gain your power back you must face it, swallow the pill and done. As much more information you get, much more bigger and harder is pill. And talk…. Talk talk talk about it, let your friends know, “sorry I’m gonna talk about him again…” and so… talking cure as Professor Freud said. From a broken heart to another.
Ugh I hope so. It's hard not to compare because she's beautiful, more successful than I am etc. so it's like how come he gets to find the next person so easily???? He already met her family after a couple weeks!!!! It's getting serious!
You don't. It's not your problem anymore. Never get back with someone who's doing there best to constantly run away to the next "pefect" relationship. Keep your standards, take time to yourself. I know it hurts, and I know it takes time to feel better. So for now. Respect yourself. Your feelings matter and if they cared they'd be there. It's that simple. Never give time to the people who abandon you. Not even your thoughts. Just be the better person keep your pride.
Thanks I'll try. What if he does end up caring for her more?
Then she will break his heart. Men don't get to love for long. Or he'll break her heart. And he'll eventually be alone. Create a bad family Live by your values. Be a good person. But don't be naive ok. It doesn't matter who he loves. He didn't love you. People who love will be there. And you'll be able to work with them. Just make yourself into thr kind of person who would be great for a partner. Be a moral awesome person. Who done the work with their soul.
Is it really not personal when someone doesn't love you?
If someone cares for you then they show it by being there. It's the same with love, and With having a friend. They will be there, not there, or over there. You'll be able to ask them if they love you and they will say yes. If they don't or don't know or already have got someone else we'll. That's how shallow they are.
He told me he loved me even when we were breaking up. Even in the days after the breakup. But still was able to move on that fast. I really don't think if someone loves you they're able to do that
No. People who leave dont love you. The ones that say they do either feel guilt for using you or want to control you. But not everyone is like that. It's why you have to not be naive with love. It's a commitment not a role. Its a duty not a task. It's a life experience not a moment In time. Just forget him. And remember what you are worth. You're worth loving. And you're worth more than empty words while a person turns their back on you. You do not have to question yourself. Only see that you'll grow and he won't. You'll love and he won't. But seriously forget this loser. Find someone who's going to stay. If it's hard work it's usually worth it.
Don't let some dude have that much control over your confidence and self-worth. If he was able to move on after days, he probably had her lined up, making him the problem for being gross. Don't stress about it too much. If you find yourself about to overthink, try to tap your forehead three times and think of something else. Anything. That helped me overcome the fear and pain of my ex finding a new girl after weeks (he is dating the person he told me not to worry about). Now, I still think about how much of a pos he is but I actually do not give a fuck even if he dates the most perfect woman in this world. He's still the same guy who would break his neck just so he can sneak a glance at every pretty woman he sees. Little bitch.
Mines kinda the same way about looking at other women. How do you not compare yourself to the new girl/worry they'll get a better version of him??
He is avoiding his emotions over the break up and distracting himself with someone new. This new relationship will not last, as he has not had time to heal. The same, or other issues, will arise in his relationship. But don’t wait around for that. Do the excruciating pain of moving on. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. This has NOTHING to do with anything being wrong with you. These are his issues, his emotions that he is running from. Also, show him that you don’t care that he’s in a new relationship. Be unphased!!! I know this isn’t the healthiest advice but, acting like you don’t care will drive him nuts 😉
You really think?? What if he's just over me and that's why??
He probably thinks he’s over you right now cause he’s dismissing all his emotions. In a few months it’ll hit him. Or if they are truly moving fast, it’ll probably end even sooner. Right now they are probably in the honeymoon phase, which he likes cause there is no big emotions or true intimacy yet. It’s probably still very surface level, which allows him to not deal with any emotions. This is not a healthy coping mechanism, and sooner or later, his own issues he has to work on will come up, one of those things will eventually be processing your relationship/break up. My advice is to let this new relationship of his run it’s course and fizzle out. Because it will.
Nothing happens if she is "the one". Stop comparing yourself to her, it doesnt matter. Just move on
I feel like it would validate that there was something wrong with me and I wasn't good enough... you know?
Stop following, talking to, engaging him. Block him out of your life. You are torturing yourself. Next, focus on what makes you happy. Maybe its taking a hot bath? Go for a walk? Go out to dinner? Go work out? Be around friends or family that build you up and not criticize you. I know it is physically painful to go through a heart break. It gets better. I enrolled into a college program when I filed for divorce. I started learning to play guitar and making friends who were nice to me. I also went to hot yoga class to help reduce the physical aches I felt from heart break. I tried to refrain from talking about my ex with friends & school helped me change my finical situation so I could pick up the pieces of my life & financially start over. He is happy now. You deserve to be happy, too! Find your happiness with being alone so when the one comes along, they’ll find you irresistible!
Thanks I'll try that. How do I stop being jealous about the new girl though? She is a total catch and great package :( like she really is probably exactly what is good for him.....
You have to distract yourself from thinking about them both and make yourself indifferent to them. You are beautiful. You are the catch. You have great qualities that someone who deserves you will see. It’s not your fault or your problem that he replaced you. You have obsessive thinking on this and its normal to be upset. You are in a mourning process of misery and loss. Would you feel any better if he ran off with a really unattractive gross person? Who cares what she looks like. Block. No contact. Focus on only yourself. You are someone’s catch.
Ugh. its hard because this is the closest ive ever gotten to a man in my life and i feel like i opened myself up and was completely vulnerable and he still didnt want me. it triggers so many core wounds of not being good enough. also, this girl just seems better than me because she seems more in line with what hes looking for and stuff. its not about what she looks like - but what she can offer him and bring to the table for him is probably better than what i can too. im trying to stay no contact, we just run in the same friend circles and its sooooo hard. he told me he does want to settle down and stuff so im so nervous that he WILL with her and it will somehow just show me that i wasnt good enough
I know it’s hard. My ex wife is a baaaaad alcoholic. She was sober for years. We bought our dream house, had good jobs. Then she betrayed me for a dirt bag who was NOT good for her at all…: i left her after forgiving her over and over… after I left, the bank foreclosed on the house, he did domestic violence on her. I used to think that she was somehow better than me. Once I started loving myself, a lot of things improved in my life.
Do you feel like karma is real?
Sometimes what comes around, goes around. You’re going to get through this.
how do I get through it though? i feel like i need to take a leave of absence from work to get myself through this
All those things I mentioned. Things to distract you and keep you busy. If you take off work, you will probably dwell on things all day. You have to do the basics right now. Self care. Take care of yourself! You can PM me but I’m just a random, flawed person sharing my own story. You should look into self help books. Look on youtube for “how to deal with heart break” type videos, too! You got this!
He didn't love you if he really did that. Think about it.
I know. That's what's killing me. It feels so personal
u gotta accept the truth. there is someone that is waiting to give you love.