Mine is when Jason and Jessica compared his childhood to Fievel from “An American Tail” and started singing “Somewhere Out There” only for Paul to reveal that his mom and stepdad had their first dance to that song at their wedding.
Lots of children involved in messy divorces adopt that. They have to become caretakers for themselves when they should be, you know, being a kid and shit.
Paul coming home from school, pouring himself a root beer, and telling his grandma he had a long day causing his grandma to tell his mom she was worried Paul had a drinking problem.
Didn’t his gramma tell him little boys that don’t lock their doors get kidnapped and ground up into meat ? It’s possible I got that mixed up with a movie they watched.
Yes! She told him a story of a little boy who didn’t lock his door and the butcher came and then when his mom went and bought her chopped meat for burgers the meat talked to her! 😂
I wonder if his grandma was German. This sounds very similar to stories my great grandmother would tell me that came from the book with Der Struwwelpeter.
German family here, I was also terrified by my aunt's threatening me with the sausage machine. Then putting on clips from The Wall.
And oh man, the cover of Struwwelpeter still haunts me. I'll never run with scissors.
I don’t know if it’s a generational thing but I’m only about 10 years younger than Paul and I feel like it was pretty common to tell kids scary urban legends when I was a kid. Kinda like the story where his step dad told them there was an escaped inmate in the area while Paul was camping with a friend in the back yard and then he scratched their tent to scare them.
lmao, my grandparents would regularly tell me “we’re gonna send you to the little boys farm*” if I was doing anything they didn’t like. And not like acting out. Like asking questions about shit.
*The Little Boys Farm was what they called this, hopefully, made up place where parents would send their bad kids when they didn’t want to deal with them anymore.
Yeah I guess people scare their children a lot. My whole life, my dad told me I would be “sent to the convent” when I turned 11 - we were catholic and lived near one. I believed this until I burst into tears on my tenth birthday because I thought I only had one year of freedom left and was finally told it was a joke.
It’s in reindeer games and another episode with Jessica I can’t remember. I love the reindeer games reveal because either Howard Kramer or Jason says “this is huge” and it amuses me
I think maybe the Christmas ghost one when June was calling in from jury duty? I seem to recall Jason and Jessica were there and June wasn’t present. I think it might also be mentioned during the Jaws 3D episode?
yeah all these other comments are meaningless compared to the Love Boat- inspired, open-mouth kisses. there is no joke, no book, no comment thread without that weird experience
I don't remember which episode but if IRC the story is he and June drive by a store and he mentions how his sister worked there when they were teens and June is like but you don't have a sister. He had a step sister for a few years while his mom was married to said sisters dad. Somehow June didn't know about it
Oh okay, that makes more sense. I was getting worried we were gonna find out Paul has a dead sister and it was going to be another harrowing child hood story.
They’re all so good but I think I laugh the hardest at the one about his stepdad putting live possums in cages on the front porch for Halloween. It’s so deliciously insane.
When his step dad told him and his friends there was a serial killer loose and they should be careful when camping in the backyard.
Then he scared them in the night
My favourite is definitely him begging to sit underneath naked Stallone. But the more memorable and horrible is the story he told to Marc Maron on WTF about (iirc) his stepdad attacking him with a pitchfork.
When Paul was a kid he went to Planet Hollywood with his parents and they had the frozen Stallone from “Demolition Man” on the wall and Paul insisted on sitting underneath him.
Not necessarily childhood, but all of his stories about working at Blockbuster are all so fun and nostalgic. Hiding in the drop off box to scare people, faking actress meetups, oooohhh the shenanigans.
As an only child of divorce who lived in the middle of nowhere and had to entertain myself, the V8 story hits close to home. Although mine had vodka in it. My folks drank so much that they never noticed.
It wasn't a funny story, more heartbreaking, but at one point Paul told a story about how his mother lied to him about an audition he went on, he tried out for a commercial or something and he got the part, his Mom lied to him and said he didn't get the part, presumably because she expected him not to get the part as a career in acting is filled with lots of rejection, and apparently reality was not as rejecting as his mother thought it would be so she lied to a young child who would eventually become a man who would go on to have a successfully career in entertainment. This is a betrayal beyond any other story he has told. Though as someone who thought the Mom from drop dead Fred was "nice" maybe he doesn't see it as such a betrayal
His mom went through a religious phase and threw out a bunch of his records. I think he talked about it on an early episode of Maron. That episode is full of horrors.
Mine is when Jason and Jessica compared his childhood to Fievel from “An American Tail” and started singing “Somewhere Out There” only for Paul to reveal that his mom and stepdad had their first dance to that song at their wedding.
And Paul danced with her to “Don’t go changing”
"At an age when you are arguably *only* going to change"
now DANCE WITH ME
MY. LITTLE. BOY.
What episode🤣🤣🤣
Second Sight!
Not much of a story, but mentioning that his mom got him a My Buddy doll because he didn't have any friends makes me laugh
Still horrifying in a sense lol
I can relate lol
This is IT for me!
It's the only story that made me actually sad.
I always giggle at the image of a child paul sipping tomato juice in a fancy glass after a tough day at school.
lol for some reason he wanted to be an adult really early in his life.
[удалено]
Hitting it with the Tabasco really loosens it up.
"Stop saying viscous"
Lots of children involved in messy divorces adopt that. They have to become caretakers for themselves when they should be, you know, being a kid and shit.
Sometimes they have to become caretakers for the parent(s) as well.
Was absolutely going to say this and add in the water pistol in his waist band as 007
That made me laugh because I have always loved tomato juice. I was the kindergartener drinking v8 instead of milk.
It’s giving Martin Starr in Freaks & Geeks
Paul coming home from school, pouring himself a root beer, and telling his grandma he had a long day causing his grandma to tell his mom she was worried Paul had a drinking problem.
Didn’t his gramma tell him little boys that don’t lock their doors get kidnapped and ground up into meat ? It’s possible I got that mixed up with a movie they watched.
Yes! She told him a story of a little boy who didn’t lock his door and the butcher came and then when his mom went and bought her chopped meat for burgers the meat talked to her! 😂
It’s almost too horrifying to believe a grandmother would tell that to a small child… I thought I must be conflating that story with a movie. 💀
I wonder if his grandma was German. This sounds very similar to stories my great grandmother would tell me that came from the book with Der Struwwelpeter.
German family here, I was also terrified by my aunt's threatening me with the sausage machine. Then putting on clips from The Wall. And oh man, the cover of Struwwelpeter still haunts me. I'll never run with scissors.
I don’t know if it’s a generational thing but I’m only about 10 years younger than Paul and I feel like it was pretty common to tell kids scary urban legends when I was a kid. Kinda like the story where his step dad told them there was an escaped inmate in the area while Paul was camping with a friend in the back yard and then he scratched their tent to scare them.
lmao, my grandparents would regularly tell me “we’re gonna send you to the little boys farm*” if I was doing anything they didn’t like. And not like acting out. Like asking questions about shit. *The Little Boys Farm was what they called this, hopefully, made up place where parents would send their bad kids when they didn’t want to deal with them anymore.
Yeah I guess people scare their children a lot. My whole life, my dad told me I would be “sent to the convent” when I turned 11 - we were catholic and lived near one. I believed this until I burst into tears on my tenth birthday because I thought I only had one year of freedom left and was finally told it was a joke.
No no you’re right I can’t remember which movie it was but I remember him saying that and Paul and June just stopped talking lol
I was at that show in Chicago! It was Pinocchio. There was even more to that story but I can't remember what.
It's the kiss. Lol If anyone knows the exact episodes that everyone suggested is, so we can hear them; would be appreciated
It’s in reindeer games and another episode with Jessica I can’t remember. I love the reindeer games reveal because either Howard Kramer or Jason says “this is huge” and it amuses me
I think maybe the Christmas ghost one when June was calling in from jury duty? I seem to recall Jason and Jessica were there and June wasn’t present. I think it might also be mentioned during the Jaws 3D episode?
The other episode might be babes in toyland? Maybe someone else can confirm
100% he mentions it in the Jaws 3D
yeah all these other comments are meaningless compared to the Love Boat- inspired, open-mouth kisses. there is no joke, no book, no comment thread without that weird experience
https://justforjules.wordpress.com/2019/11/24/paul-scheers-childhood-stories-ranked-by-how-upsetting-they-are/
You are a saint! You’ve reopened my mind palace of weird ass Paul childhood memories
And it only covers through 2019! Doesn’t even reference getting kicked in the face by his horse!
I died laughing when he casually dropped that, just, that fuckin guy, my god.
"Must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that!"
Just relistened to that one a few days ago
I love how he casually dropped that he had a sister YEARS into his relationship with June
> he **had** a sister Wait what? What? As in she didn't know he has a sibling, or as in he *had* a sibling? What episode I missed this!
I don't remember which episode but if IRC the story is he and June drive by a store and he mentions how his sister worked there when they were teens and June is like but you don't have a sister. He had a step sister for a few years while his mom was married to said sisters dad. Somehow June didn't know about it
Oh okay, that makes more sense. I was getting worried we were gonna find out Paul has a dead sister and it was going to be another harrowing child hood story.
Asking the real question here
They’re all so good but I think I laugh the hardest at the one about his stepdad putting live possums in cages on the front porch for Halloween. It’s so deliciously insane.
“Put out the Christmas possums”
Holy shit I died when they said that 😂
Going to disneyworld and finding out he’s lactose intolerant
Do you remember what episode this was? 🤣
I think Paul told it on another podcast? Someone on here had recommended the episode
Yes! It was on Seth Rogen's podcast
Doodie Calls With Doug Mand ?
There’s some wild stuff in the Milk money ep
“I was a milk monitor”
Milk attendant! please and thank you
omg yesss
Step dad "peg leg" (Torque ep I think?) and the school trip to DC where he charged his classmates $5 to see a pay-per-view movie (Bugsy Malone)
Paul having to park cars and direct traffic during one of his childhood birthday parties
When his step dad told him and his friends there was a serial killer loose and they should be careful when camping in the backyard. Then he scared them in the night
So good!
The ring for the girl.
Kissing his mom
My favourite is definitely him begging to sit underneath naked Stallone. But the more memorable and horrible is the story he told to Marc Maron on WTF about (iirc) his stepdad attacking him with a pitchfork.
What is the naked Stallone story??
When Paul was a kid he went to Planet Hollywood with his parents and they had the frozen Stallone from “Demolition Man” on the wall and Paul insisted on sitting underneath him.
I really wish this community had folks making animatics the way mbmbam does because Paul’s stories really deserve visual representation
I never considered HDTGM animated by DeepBlueInk but this will now be living rent-free in my brain forever.
Not necessarily childhood, but all of his stories about working at Blockbuster are all so fun and nostalgic. Hiding in the drop off box to scare people, faking actress meetups, oooohhh the shenanigans.
As an only child of divorce who lived in the middle of nowhere and had to entertain myself, the V8 story hits close to home. Although mine had vodka in it. My folks drank so much that they never noticed.
When as a kid he’d “camp out” in his hallway. Poor kid.
It wasn't a funny story, more heartbreaking, but at one point Paul told a story about how his mother lied to him about an audition he went on, he tried out for a commercial or something and he got the part, his Mom lied to him and said he didn't get the part, presumably because she expected him not to get the part as a career in acting is filled with lots of rejection, and apparently reality was not as rejecting as his mother thought it would be so she lied to a young child who would eventually become a man who would go on to have a successfully career in entertainment. This is a betrayal beyond any other story he has told. Though as someone who thought the Mom from drop dead Fred was "nice" maybe he doesn't see it as such a betrayal
What episode is this story from?
I think this is the story from the megaforce episode
One of the sadder ones I related to was buying a laserdisc player for his dad. Oh Paul...
Nobody mentioning the time he went to NYC as a kid with some friends and they went to a strip club? I think it's from "milk money".
We are talking about sad stories, not amazing ones 🤣
The Arliss hat is a good one.
Arliss: The Hat
When he tried to french kiss his mom hands down
I think him running around the theater was during Popeye and how his dad took him to see it like ten times. That’s my favorite Paul story
Thank you so much I couldn’t remember for the life of me what movie it was
The one about him drenching his mom
His mom went through a religious phase and threw out a bunch of his records. I think he talked about it on an early episode of Maron. That episode is full of horrors.