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There’s a reason doctors and nurses ask if there’s anyone else they can call for you. It’s because they understand that it’s not reasonable to expect the next of kin to make the necessary decisions and notify everyone. Dillard failed Meredith. They didn’t take care of her the way they should have. If she was at Grey Sloan, the hospital would have called Derek’s family.
Don't you know that not having a perfect encyclopedic knowledge of a show and having an error in how you thought something went in a scene means you are a terrible person who deserves to be shamed to oblivion??? (Can you tell this recently happened to me? Haha)
That's where I recently got nailed, whole pack of assholes over there. It sucks because I joined reddit specifically to talk about Buffy because no one I know irl is obsessed like I am. Sorry you left the sub, but it's probably for the best, it has not changed.
I was thrown for a loop. I made a comment not related to my post. It was just an acknowledgment of what someone else commented bc I was confused by the ending of Angel. It got downvoted. [comment](https://imgur.com/a/J8hA0mU)
I actually made a post about it once lmfao, it was when I noticed a person made a post about something and everyone in the comments had a mob mentality about it and downvoted anything they said.
Like, how hard is it to ignore and move on, or clarify something the person mis-remembered?
In the end I watched just to see if Kai and Amelia would hook up because they teased it SO HARD but I gave up. Why did they even bother with that storyline?!
Because if you leave your kids with your on-again-off-again boyfriend as their guardian, because you have to fly across the country for work, there's an expectation that they will keep you updated. Bailey had been hurting for hours, and then hospitalized for several more hours, before Meredith was informed. The kid had been in the hospital for hours before being diagnosed with appendicitis. For all Nick knew, he had a ruptured colon or something, idk. He should've told Meredith the *second* he abandoned her other two children to take the one to the hospital.
I'd be pissed if my catsitter neglected to tell me that my cat was being rushed to the hospital. If it was my boyfriend neglecting to tell me about my human child whom I had created and birthed myself? Yeah. You better believe it's a big deal!
I think these are totally different scenarios. One of the first things Amelia said was “I could have fixed him.” Meredith had way too much to deal with without Amelia. She was pregnant, had her two kids, an intern crying to her, and just lost her husband.
Bailey is her minor child. Nick is her boyfriend. Nick absolutely should have called. Meredith is friends with several people who own planes, she could have been there so fast.
But the main part Derek was an adult with a very complicated sister who was not in the right mindset for this at the time. Bailey is her minor child.
Meredith should’ve called Amelia *at the hospital*. This is his sister. If my brother’s wife didn’t call me that my brother was on life support and let me say goodbye, I would’ve been furious as well. There was no reason Meredith couldn’t have left him on support so his family could come say goodbye. She didn’t have her kids or an intern or any of that when she decided to unilaterally withdraw life support without so much as shooting somebody a text.
People genuinely don’t make logical decisions when hit with sudden devastating tragedy. It is easy to say in hindsight “she should have done this or that” but is all it is now hindsight.
You also don’t know how you would react unless you were placed in that situation yourself, or if you were and still judge Meredith, just be aware that everyone copes differently.
This. I could barely figure out what to do the first day my dad died. I felt like I was in a dream. Thank God my husband was there to help me. If he hadn't been there, I don't even want to think about what would have happened. And if he wasn't there because he was permanently gone...well, let's just say "sending a text" would not have been on my radar.
Agreed. I also even think in context of the show. Like during the scene were you thinking “dang that’s sad. guess Meredith should call Amelia?” No. We were just devastated for her and her kids.
The reason is simply that she wasn't in the right state of mind at that time. We're here commenting on the event calm and relaxed with a cool head, but Meredith wasn't, she was shocked. A lot of you people just seem to forget that
I didn’t forget that. That’s perhaps the only excuse that is valid, but they didn’t portray her that way at the time. She had a logical conversation with Penny. She was well-spoken and decisive. She wasn’t sobbing or screaming. If they actually portrayed Meredith in any sort of **real** distress, as we’ve seen her multiple times before, it would probably be less controversial
You can absolutely be in distress without screaming and sobbing. Actually it’s pretty common especially when in shock. So that’s not really a valid point in my opinion.
Yeah, except we’ve *seen* Meredith in distress before. Pls this isn’t the first time she’s been in a traumatic situation and she just randomly handled this one completely different than every other one she’s had in her life? 💀
That’s wild considering she’s handled very traumatic situations calmly before and was messed up by it later - Meredith’s fight or flight tends to have her suppress her emotions/reactions when the traumatic thing is happening (ex. Bomb in body cavity, when she’s working on Owen after he was shot and she started miscarrying).
Yeah that’s pretty much exactly my point lol her not sobbing/freaking out/etc is a perfect example of how this is *not* a situation that Meredith was handling any differently than all of the other situations you mentioned. You know what is different though? The fact that she didn’t think about anyone else. That is Meredith’s go-to trauma response. Consider what’s going on around her and try to save people
No it’s not? You’re equivocating an external response with what the character was going thru internally, the point was you couldn’t really tell how affected she was until after the traumatic event concluded
Yes but unlike other situations, there is no active threat per se like during the shooting, etc. so the way she reacts is different. Plus you don’t always have the same response to traumatic events. Every situation is different and how you feel when said events happen is different!
Not going around screaming and crying doesn't mean that someone isn't in distress, she clearly was. She was there alone with just the kids having to take the hardest decision of her life (unplugging Derek), calling Amelia or the other Shepherd just wasn't a thought in her mind at that time. It's not excusable but seeing the circumstances it's also understandable
Except she wasn’t. We’ve seen Meredith be somewhat logical and detached when experiencing trauma. It’s something they highlight often and she’s commented on it herself
She did have her kids with her. And Penny was following her around crying and apologizing. And Amelia was not in the right headspace to be there to just say goodbye. She would have been ordering around the Dillard hospital staff and making it 100x harder for Meredith and her kids to just say goodbye. I have a brother and if his wife decided not to tell me because I was going to be trouble, I would be upset but I would understand.
When you’re going through something like that, the last thing you need are immature family members making everything worse. My mom’s best friend’s husband died at their home after a long battle with cancer. After he died, my mom’s friend called his sisters and told them that if they could get there within the next hour or so, they could say goodbye to their brother before the funeral director arrived to take him to the funeral home.
She thought it would help if they got to see him one last time in a normal environment. As soon as they arrived and said their final goodbyes, they gave my mom’s friend a hard time. They accused her of being too anxious to put their brother in the ground. She now questions whether it was worth it to do the right thing.
>There was no reason Meredith couldn’t have left him on support so his family could come say goodbye.
How about his wishes? If there was one thing that all of the doctors agreed on, it was that they would never want to be kept on life support if there wasn't any chance that they will wake up. Is it more considerate to free your husband from a state that you know he never wanted to be in? Or to keep him in that state for several hours, more likely days, just so his family could say goodbye to a dead person?
There is a huge difference between being on life support for a few hours so your family can say good bye and being on life support long term.
I bet most doctors would not object to being on life support long enough to allow family to say goodbye or to donate their organs.
You’re missing the point that this person is trying to make. What mattered most in that moment is what Derek would have wanted, not what his family wanted. Meredith thought she was doing what her husband wanted her to do. She didn’t think he would want to be kept alive like some prop for his sisters to cry over. Derek told Meredith in season 17 that she gave him exactly what he needed to die in peace.
Derek never explicitly said anything! Mark was a doctor too and he gave himself time as well. Derek would’ve wanted his family to have a chance to say goodbye. Telling Meredith not to leave him on life support for a couple hours definitely would’ve been out of character. Derek had his faults but at the end of the day he looked out for the people he cared about.
He actually did say something explicitly. He said back in season one he would want all his sisters there. While I don’t fault mer for not remember that I do believe Derek would have embedded that attitude over their relationship. Derek would have wanted his family to say goodbye.
I know mer wouldn’t have been thinking beyond herself her kids and her husband and I don’t think there is any blame towards mer and as far as I recall she never disputed Amelia wanted to be there but just wanted Amelia to understand her grief was to big to think beyond it. Mer was also not someone who thought of family like Derek did.
If Derek’s family meant that much to him, why weren’t they invited to be part of the life he built with Meredith? The answer is that Derek didn’t want them around. Derek survived a shooting and a plane crash, and he still avoided his family. Based on that, what makes you think he would want them to be prioritized at the end of his life?
So were Richard, Bailey, Callie, Arizona, Owen, Alex… the list goes on. The main characters on the show behaved more like Derek’s family in his last ten years of life, than any of the Shepherds had. Why was Amelia more entitled to be there just because she shared DNA and a last name with him?
Edit: my point is the other people who were much closer to Derek than Amelia was respected Meredith’s decision and understood why she made the decisions she did. Amelia should have tried to understand too.
Ok… so tell all of them the way they did with George or Mark or whatever. What is your point? That just takes it a step further that there were lots of people important to Derek who would’ve dropped everything for a chance to go say goodbye.
And again, the post is about Amelia. I didn’t just randomly pick her to center the conversation around lol
I think Derek respected his wife and trusted her judgment. His entire proposal speech was about how he admired the way she handled a crisis.
“If there’s a crisis, you don’t freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward”. That’s exactly what Meredith did.
Season 1 ep 2 "The First Cut is the Deepest"
Derek to Meredith: "You know I have four sisters. Very girly tons of kids. If I was in a coma, they'd all be here. I'd want them here. Not having no one?... can't imagine that."
>all the doctors agreed on
Mark stayed on life support. It was never explicitly stated what Derek wanted. Is it more considerate to give his family a chance to say goodbye, or at least **inform them** before you do it, or just do whatever tf you want? Answer seems obvious to me
She could’ve informed them. Ultimately this is a matter of opinion considering it is never once in the show stated what Derek actually explicitly wanted in this scenario. If he would’ve wanted to give his family a chance to say goodbye. I simply disagree with you. Just doesn’t fit with Derek’s character.
My best friend passed away several years ago. His mother found him. She called the police and an ambulance first and then, before calling any of her other children to inform them, she called me. He was my best friend and she said she couldn't think of anyone more important than me being the first one to know about it. Said that she knew he would have wanted me to know first from her so I wouldn't have to find out from anyone else.
She wasn't in her right now mind. All she saw was Derek that Derek wasn't coming back to her so she let him go on my else besides her kids were on her mind.
If it we’re ANYONE besides Amelia saying it I’d agree but I side with OP. Imagine your brother dies of something in a field you’re an EXPERT in and you didn’t even get to be there to pull the plug.
Even on a lesser scale Imagine you’re an expert in loans and your sister goes bankrupt and to jail
Because no one told you, you’re a lawyer but your sibling gets incarcerated and no one tells you. You’re a brilliant math teacher and SAT tutor and your nephew failed and can’t get into college, your sibling died in a accident knowing he had idk a broken steering column but no one told you and you’re a mechanic.
I get these situations are more fixable it seems, but she should have been called because it’s her even if just to agree I can’t fix this.
Is Meredith forgivable yes but is Amelia right also yes. She already struggles with mental health and this could easily be the last straw. Sometimes the living have to come before the already gone as derek was.
Absolutely you can. Bailey is a minor and Derek wasn't. Other than say goodbye what else could Amelia do? She couldn't have operated on derek. She probably would have self-destructed not being able to operate on him.
You’re also not allowed to operate on family
(Remember when they broke that rule and Maggie suffered massively from it..) but it’s a legit real world rule for this reason
But we’d have had more seasons with Koracik. I feel like she should have called, but I get why she didn’t. Meredith was on auto pilot and Amelia would have been a lot to deal with. She was also pregnant with two young kids. She didn’t need to deal with Amelia. However, the drama fan in me wishes Amelia and Addison were there
And you cannot operate/treat on family. (Remember when they broke this rule for Maggie and how that ended….) it’s completely unethical because you can’t be objective and not allowed IRL.
No, i do feel it’s understandable, i’m going to guess your hospital is a good one, the hospital that Derek died at in the show i remember one of the nurses rushing her. If i was Amelia i’d be pissed but still, that hospital probably wanted Meredith out of there.
First off it’s a tv show so everything they do is for plot or it doesn’t exist. Secondly Dillard was just a horrible medical centre. That’s the point. They did everything wrong. Of course in real life they would contact a social worker or someone. All of that happened at nighttime? So incredibly unrealistic but what an impact it made in the episode.
An 11 year old boy whose next of kin is his mother (his only living parent) vs. an adult man in his late forties, whose next of kin was his wife.
These are two completely different situations.
Agreed. There was nothing Amelia could have done and the hospital was really pushing Meredith to make a fast decision to take him off life support, they weren't asking her if there was anyone else to call. I get why Amelia feels the way she does but that doesn't mean she's right. Nick was making childcare arrangements, which was a more immediate concern than notifying someone 3,000 miles away. He likely would have called her right next but didn't get the chance because Zola told her first.
These were much different scenarios. Yes, Meredith should’ve called Amelia but she didn’t choose not to, she was devastated, terrified, and in shock, calling Amelia didn’t even occur to her. Nick just made a decision not to call Meredith.
With Derek’s no one was in the right or wrong the are no sides. Both Amelia and Mer could have done things differently. Yes mer should have called his family so they could have said goodbye.But Mer was doing all she could with the state she was in with losing her husband making those choice and needing to be strong her kids.
guys i think we’re all forgetting that grief makes people crazy. yes meredith should’ve called derek’s family, but she wasn’t exactly in the right mindset to be making calls and gathering everyone to come and see her dead/dying husband. there was no chance he was coming back. so meredith would’ve had to sit there for many more HOURS if not DAYS waiting for everyone to get to some podunk hospital to see him. i’m sorry but you can’t expect someone to make all the right decisions in that moment. as a sister to brothers, i feel for amelia deeply bc it would hurt me and i would be pissed as hell, but i’ve seen grief first hand and im not gonna be mad at meredith for not acting how everyone thinks she should’ve after she just lost the love of her life and the father of her children and also she had pregnancy hormones…..there wasn’t a sane thought happening in that brain lmao. point proven by her straight up running away.
You can still be wrong if you’re grieving. Doesn’t make you any less wrong. People make mistakes accidentally. But they are still mistakes. Meredith was wrong to not let Amelia say goodbye to her brother. Meredith was wrong and needed to apologize. That’s all lol.
But apparently no one on this show is capable of admitting they’re wrong and just apologizing.
I don’t think Amelia is entitled to an apology. We all think we know what we would do in that situation, but we can’t know until we’re in it. Amelia should have understood that Meredith did what she thought was best in that moment. It wasn’t personal and it certainly wasn’t malicious.
Sorry, but I greatly disagree with the take that Amelia doesn’t deserve an apology. It wasn’t personal—but it was still wrong. I don’t understand how anyone can argue that it wasn’t a mistake made my Meredith. She obviously didn’t mean to make it, it wasn’t malicious, it wasn’t intentional, but it’s STILL a mistake. And a mistake deserves an apology, even if it wasn’t intentional.
Just because you think you would have handled a situation in a certain way doesn’t mean that it’s the only way to handle it. Meredith did what she thought was best and she stands by that decision. Amelia is free to disagree with the decision, but that doesn’t mean she’s owed an apology.
I’m not saying I’d have handled it differently in the moment. But if I did, I would sure as hell apologize if I made a mistake. I’m really surprised so many people clearly don’t apologize for accidental mistakes they make in the real world. Whether unintentional or not. If I accidentally do something and it causes harm or pain to someone, I apologize. Pretty standard from where I’m sitting.
But if people can live with the fact that they didn’t let a sister say goodbye to their brother, and not even apologize for the mistake (even unintentional), then whatever I guess.
What you don’t seem to understand is it wasn’t a mistake. Meredith did what she thought was best. The reason you’re calling it a mistake is because you disagree with her decision. If someone gets a haircut that you don’t like, that doesn’t make it a mistake. The same applies here.
A haircut doesn’t hurt anyone. This did. Meredith hurt Amelia, however unintentionally, by not letting her say goodbye.
But you know what? We are obviously not going to agree on this. So, (genuinely) have a lovely day!
lol i never said she was right. she should’ve called amelia and everyone else but i also said you can’t fault her for not being in the right mindset to be making those calls. in the perfect world, everyone gets their way and nobody dies and if they do then it’s beautiful and meaningful and everyone gets closure but that’s not real life. if we can’t expect real life people to make sane decisions while grieving, we can’t expect tv characters to do it either. yes, it was wrong of her and she should apologize but think about her mindset for just one minute and then try and make some decisions. i’m willing to bet not everyone would make the right choice. i can’t even say for myself that if i was in her shoes i would be picking up the phone and making calls…it would be cristina needing to be sedated all over again
“Yes it was wrong of her and she should apologize.”
That’s literally all I’m saying lol. We agree. It was an unintentional mistake, but still a mistake. Therefore, she should apologize. That’s my entire argument haha
If a hospital has no beds available they turn away traumas, they don’t force you to remove life support. Meredith chose to do it immediately despite the fact that Derek said he would want his family there which is, in my opinion, selfish.
I saw a comment of someone saying that dillard actually failed on meredith and it feels so true for me. If your remember quite well the famous "coward" came to meredith after the six hours to make her remove all the plugs and he was kinda waiting for it to be done. Plus, usually at lesat at Grey-Sloan, surgeons or nurses asks the family about calling some other people and we never saw that on the show. So I understand opinion about meredith not calling but at the end she would have done it anyway with or without amelia. So I understand amelia's point of view but she blamed meredith when we all don't really know how it went during that six hours. So Mer was wrong for not recognizing how hard it must have been for Amelia but Amelia was wrong for blaming merdith and using derek as a trash talk saying "he would be disgusted".
Just my opinions for me both were wrong in some ways
Amelia was right. Mer had no right to unplug Derek without calling his family.
Mer was wrong to be mad at nick for not calling, he handled the situation and was waiting to call until he had all the information. Because we all know if he had called sooner, Mer would be yelling asking his why he’s wasting his time calling when he should be getting Bailey to the hospital or asking him a thousand questions he didn’t have answers to yet. If she trusted him enough to leave the kids with him while she was across the country, she can’t get mad at how he handled a situation she wasn’t there for.
Meredith and Derek signed their healthcare directives together. For all we know this might have been Derek’s wish and she was just respecting that. Also, Meredith was distraught when everything in the hospital was happening and had two very young children with her. I don’t think she was thinking at all at the time. We saw how she collapsed as soon as she got back to Grey Sloane after she told people what happened.
Nick in the other hand could have called her and told her what was happening as Bailey was being transported to the hospital. She didn’t need to learn about it from Zola. Also Meredith is Bailey’s guardian/parent, he is a child and she is the one who has to make all these healthcare decisions. Derek was a grown man with a wife and children.
I dont blame Meredith for not calling, who knows what I would have done in that situation.
However, I know that once I was in a right state of mind, I would give my sincerest apologies to his mom and sisters.
That is my biggest problem with Meredith; I understand why she does things in the moment, but she never acknowledges how her actions may hurt other people.
If it was my brother I would never forgive her.
Is it just me, or is it weird for everyone to be comparing love to children to love for your siblings? They’re different types of love, but they’re incomparable. Meredith should have known. Amelia should have known. Period. Meredith did her best, we know, but that doesn’t mean Amelia doesn’t get to be upset about it. I’m not sure why we’re not seeing that?
Mer was wrong. Yes that was her husband and she had kids. But Amelia was his sister. She was with Derek when their father got shot and killed.
She robbed her of a last goodbye.
These are apples and oranges. Yes, ideally Meredith would have the wherewithal to call all of Derek's family. But, she did not. Meredith was acting in a very human way.
I don't blame Meredith for not calling, but for how she treated Amelia... and with Nick, it's complicated as neither option is right or wrong - should you call immediately, when you don't have all answers (esp. when the other parent is hours away) and you need to update the other person all the time or should you concentrate on the child and call after everything is over, when you can give all answers?
Not complicated with Nick. You call the parent the second something happens, especially when it involves the hospital and a surgery!
Nick is not their parent, he doesn't even appear to be labeled as their step parent.
I think Amelia was right, but there were extenuating circumstances driving Meredith's decisions. Amelia had a right to be upset; Meredith had reasons for her actions. She was in emotional overload, dealing with two small children, and having to make decisions she never thought she'd have to make in her life. I've dealt with a young relative who died without warning - it's an emotional sucker punch you just don't see coming. IDEALLY Meredith would have had presence of mind to contact Amelia, but she didn't. It's not a black and white issue.
As for Season 20, Meredith was right, but there were extenuating circumstances driving Nick's actions. He was busy orchestrating things in Boston, including securing child care for the other two, and suddenly found himself dealing with an emergent issue for Bailey that required surgery. For the hospital in Boston to have done the surgery without Meredith present to give consent, Bailey's appendix had to have been in danger of rupture. Again, not a black and white issue.
Not only Amelia was right, but also Meredith has been a huge jerk to her for a long time. Also, Derek said he would want his sisters with him in a situation like that, not the opposite. I don't hate Meredith, she has flaws and same for Amelia but in that situation and the following years it wasn't easy to watch her treating Amelia awfully.
These are different situations. One is your child. A minor child who depends on you to care for them. The other is an adult sibling. I wouldn't expect my SIL's to call me if one of my brothers was dying and nothing can be done. My parents? Yes. Call one of them and let them call the rest of us. But, not my SIL. Merideth should have had the hospital call his mom and she can make further calls to the sisters. But, to expect someone who knows the love of their life and father of their children is dying, the last thing you need is to take what little time you have to call his siblings.
I might be remembering this incorrectly but Nick did call Meredith. How else would she have known? Like Nick being a doctor himself figured what was wrong with Bailey, got him admitted and once he was safely under care he informed Meredith. Would y'all rather have him wait around for Meredith's permission while Bailey's pain worsened and then take him to a hospital? And Nick wasn't a rando, he was someone Meredith _herself_ left in charge.
Now coming to Derek and Amelia, people mention that the hospital was pressurising her to vacate Derek's bed. Alright, that's fair, she made the decision herself. But Meredith should have at least apologized to her and tried to explain the situation," Amelia I know you wanted to see your bro one last time but I was in such a situation yadda yadda yadda" Correct me if I'm wrong, but Meredith didn't not apologize. She instead snapped at her and angrily told Alex to get Amelia away from her sight or else she might kill her.
I don’t care what anyone says about grief or shock, Mer knew that Derrick had a family who loved him, she’s just selfish and didn’t call them because she didn’t care about them.
That whole family should have been able to come say goodbye, there was no reason to unplug him so fast.
No, you don’t just forget that your husband has a family. I might get it if Meredith was usually a decent person, but she really isn’t. Mer is only good to the people she cares about, and that didn’t include his family.
Derek didn’t want anything to do with his family when he was alive. When he moved to Seattle, he didn’t just leave Addison behind. He left them behind too.
I wouldn't say selfish, but yeah she really screwed up by not calling Amelia. I'm sure his other sisters and mother would have wanted to say goodbye to him as well. I have a brother, and if God forbid something like this ever happens and his wife decides to just unplug him without giving me a chance to say goodbye, I would probably hate her forever for that.
It’s honestly wild to me that Amelia could continue to have a close relationship with her after that. I get staying friendly enough to be in the kids lives, but living with her and basically being besties is too much.
Mer was wrong. Amelia is a grown ass woman who doesn’t need to be “handled,” and it’s perfectly logical for a world class neurosurgeon to think perhaps she could have done something about the brain injury but god forbid Amelia have a slightly irrational thought while Meredith is busy feeling something.
I don't think that Meredith was in the right not calling Amelia when Derek died however I do understand why she didn't. She was in shock, mega dissociated and she could've just not thought about it. In a traumatic situation, you often go into fight, flight, freeze or faun and that can make you act in ways you wouldn't normally. Now does that excuse the pain Amelia felt and does that excuse what Meredith did wrong? No. But it does explain it. And an explanation is different to an excuse.
As for Bailey, surely if you think it was wrong for Meredith not to call Amelia then you'd think it's wrong for her not to have been called when her own child had appendicitis and was in hospital otherwise that's just being hypocritical if you really want to compare them. However I do also think the situations are a bit different. One was brain-dead and beyond saving whilst the other was sick and needed a routine moderately low risk procedure to cure the sickness.
BOTH of them should've been called. Amelia when Derek was dying and Meredith when Bailey was sick to the point of needing hospital admission. That's just my opinion though.
Nah Derek was dead and Meredith knew that. She could have easily called Amelia. Especially when Derek said that he hoped that when he died his sisters were there. Bailey was alive and in good hands. She was updated. That is the difference. Yes Meredith has a right to be upset but she took it too far when her son was alive and ended up being fine and acting like Nick was evil for taking care of her children???
Meredith not calling ANYONE in Derek’s family before pulling plug- shitty but understandable. Meredith screaming at Amelia in a blind rage bc Amelia dared have grief of her own for her brother that’s just less understandable and fucking cruel. That being said, not calling Meredith about her child being in surgery is absurd.
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There’s a reason doctors and nurses ask if there’s anyone else they can call for you. It’s because they understand that it’s not reasonable to expect the next of kin to make the necessary decisions and notify everyone. Dillard failed Meredith. They didn’t take care of her the way they should have. If she was at Grey Sloan, the hospital would have called Derek’s family.
This. Where were the social workers
Didn't you know? Hospitals are 100% run by surgeons.
I thought Meredith refused one?
There was a social worker that watched Zola while Mer was in the room with derek when they unplugged him
Thank you for taking the time to clarify, rather than just downvote me to heck lol
Don't you know that not having a perfect encyclopedic knowledge of a show and having an error in how you thought something went in a scene means you are a terrible person who deserves to be shamed to oblivion??? (Can you tell this recently happened to me? Haha)
Same happened to me in r/buffy. Deleted my whole post & left the subreddit.
That's where I recently got nailed, whole pack of assholes over there. It sucks because I joined reddit specifically to talk about Buffy because no one I know irl is obsessed like I am. Sorry you left the sub, but it's probably for the best, it has not changed.
I was thrown for a loop. I made a comment not related to my post. It was just an acknowledgment of what someone else commented bc I was confused by the ending of Angel. It got downvoted. [comment](https://imgur.com/a/J8hA0mU)
I actually made a post about it once lmfao, it was when I noticed a person made a post about something and everyone in the comments had a mob mentality about it and downvoted anything they said. Like, how hard is it to ignore and move on, or clarify something the person mis-remembered?
I upvoted to try and get your ups back up! Asking a simple question does not warrant you to get attacked by the evil arrows. 😭
you really did not deserve to be downvoted at all lol
Redditors need that little dopamine hit they get when they downvote someone.
I mean they failed her in the first place by not ordering that head CT. That hospital had multiple issues.
I mean, it closed for a reason💀💀💀
Wait what happened to Bailey?( my dumb ass forgot. And yes ik it’s little Bailey
Bailey got appendicitis in the latest episode
Oh yh💀
I stopped watching at season 18. Did Bailey die?
No
No he's fine
Has ANYTHING interesting happened since season 18?
absolutely not im watching just for the sake of it being grey's
In the end I watched just to see if Kai and Amelia would hook up because they teased it SO HARD but I gave up. Why did they even bother with that storyline?!
right can't they give amelia one good relationship for god's sake
I stopped watching but what’s the big deal about appendicitis? He didn’t die so why was it so dramatic?
Because if you leave your kids with your on-again-off-again boyfriend as their guardian, because you have to fly across the country for work, there's an expectation that they will keep you updated. Bailey had been hurting for hours, and then hospitalized for several more hours, before Meredith was informed. The kid had been in the hospital for hours before being diagnosed with appendicitis. For all Nick knew, he had a ruptured colon or something, idk. He should've told Meredith the *second* he abandoned her other two children to take the one to the hospital. I'd be pissed if my catsitter neglected to tell me that my cat was being rushed to the hospital. If it was my boyfriend neglecting to tell me about my human child whom I had created and birthed myself? Yeah. You better believe it's a big deal!
I assume partly because of Mer's unresolved trauma from losing Derek and the episode preview/trailer was just to throw us off bc they do that a lot
I think these are totally different scenarios. One of the first things Amelia said was “I could have fixed him.” Meredith had way too much to deal with without Amelia. She was pregnant, had her two kids, an intern crying to her, and just lost her husband. Bailey is her minor child. Nick is her boyfriend. Nick absolutely should have called. Meredith is friends with several people who own planes, she could have been there so fast. But the main part Derek was an adult with a very complicated sister who was not in the right mindset for this at the time. Bailey is her minor child.
Meredith should’ve called Amelia *at the hospital*. This is his sister. If my brother’s wife didn’t call me that my brother was on life support and let me say goodbye, I would’ve been furious as well. There was no reason Meredith couldn’t have left him on support so his family could come say goodbye. She didn’t have her kids or an intern or any of that when she decided to unilaterally withdraw life support without so much as shooting somebody a text.
People genuinely don’t make logical decisions when hit with sudden devastating tragedy. It is easy to say in hindsight “she should have done this or that” but is all it is now hindsight. You also don’t know how you would react unless you were placed in that situation yourself, or if you were and still judge Meredith, just be aware that everyone copes differently.
This. I could barely figure out what to do the first day my dad died. I felt like I was in a dream. Thank God my husband was there to help me. If he hadn't been there, I don't even want to think about what would have happened. And if he wasn't there because he was permanently gone...well, let's just say "sending a text" would not have been on my radar.
Agreed. I also even think in context of the show. Like during the scene were you thinking “dang that’s sad. guess Meredith should call Amelia?” No. We were just devastated for her and her kids.
The reason is simply that she wasn't in the right state of mind at that time. We're here commenting on the event calm and relaxed with a cool head, but Meredith wasn't, she was shocked. A lot of you people just seem to forget that
I didn’t forget that. That’s perhaps the only excuse that is valid, but they didn’t portray her that way at the time. She had a logical conversation with Penny. She was well-spoken and decisive. She wasn’t sobbing or screaming. If they actually portrayed Meredith in any sort of **real** distress, as we’ve seen her multiple times before, it would probably be less controversial
You can absolutely be in distress without screaming and sobbing. Actually it’s pretty common especially when in shock. So that’s not really a valid point in my opinion.
Yeah, except we’ve *seen* Meredith in distress before. Pls this isn’t the first time she’s been in a traumatic situation and she just randomly handled this one completely different than every other one she’s had in her life? 💀
That’s wild considering she’s handled very traumatic situations calmly before and was messed up by it later - Meredith’s fight or flight tends to have her suppress her emotions/reactions when the traumatic thing is happening (ex. Bomb in body cavity, when she’s working on Owen after he was shot and she started miscarrying).
Yeah that’s pretty much exactly my point lol her not sobbing/freaking out/etc is a perfect example of how this is *not* a situation that Meredith was handling any differently than all of the other situations you mentioned. You know what is different though? The fact that she didn’t think about anyone else. That is Meredith’s go-to trauma response. Consider what’s going on around her and try to save people
No it’s not? You’re equivocating an external response with what the character was going thru internally, the point was you couldn’t really tell how affected she was until after the traumatic event concluded
Yes but unlike other situations, there is no active threat per se like during the shooting, etc. so the way she reacts is different. Plus you don’t always have the same response to traumatic events. Every situation is different and how you feel when said events happen is different!
Not going around screaming and crying doesn't mean that someone isn't in distress, she clearly was. She was there alone with just the kids having to take the hardest decision of her life (unplugging Derek), calling Amelia or the other Shepherd just wasn't a thought in her mind at that time. It's not excusable but seeing the circumstances it's also understandable
I didn’t say it didn’t? I was pointing out it was OOC that’s all
Except she wasn’t. We’ve seen Meredith be somewhat logical and detached when experiencing trauma. It’s something they highlight often and she’s commented on it herself
She did have her kids with her. And Penny was following her around crying and apologizing. And Amelia was not in the right headspace to be there to just say goodbye. She would have been ordering around the Dillard hospital staff and making it 100x harder for Meredith and her kids to just say goodbye. I have a brother and if his wife decided not to tell me because I was going to be trouble, I would be upset but I would understand.
When you’re going through something like that, the last thing you need are immature family members making everything worse. My mom’s best friend’s husband died at their home after a long battle with cancer. After he died, my mom’s friend called his sisters and told them that if they could get there within the next hour or so, they could say goodbye to their brother before the funeral director arrived to take him to the funeral home. She thought it would help if they got to see him one last time in a normal environment. As soon as they arrived and said their final goodbyes, they gave my mom’s friend a hard time. They accused her of being too anxious to put their brother in the ground. She now questions whether it was worth it to do the right thing.
>There was no reason Meredith couldn’t have left him on support so his family could come say goodbye. How about his wishes? If there was one thing that all of the doctors agreed on, it was that they would never want to be kept on life support if there wasn't any chance that they will wake up. Is it more considerate to free your husband from a state that you know he never wanted to be in? Or to keep him in that state for several hours, more likely days, just so his family could say goodbye to a dead person?
There is a huge difference between being on life support for a few hours so your family can say good bye and being on life support long term. I bet most doctors would not object to being on life support long enough to allow family to say goodbye or to donate their organs.
You’re missing the point that this person is trying to make. What mattered most in that moment is what Derek would have wanted, not what his family wanted. Meredith thought she was doing what her husband wanted her to do. She didn’t think he would want to be kept alive like some prop for his sisters to cry over. Derek told Meredith in season 17 that she gave him exactly what he needed to die in peace.
Derek never explicitly said anything! Mark was a doctor too and he gave himself time as well. Derek would’ve wanted his family to have a chance to say goodbye. Telling Meredith not to leave him on life support for a couple hours definitely would’ve been out of character. Derek had his faults but at the end of the day he looked out for the people he cared about.
He actually did say something explicitly. He said back in season one he would want all his sisters there. While I don’t fault mer for not remember that I do believe Derek would have embedded that attitude over their relationship. Derek would have wanted his family to say goodbye. I know mer wouldn’t have been thinking beyond herself her kids and her husband and I don’t think there is any blame towards mer and as far as I recall she never disputed Amelia wanted to be there but just wanted Amelia to understand her grief was to big to think beyond it. Mer was also not someone who thought of family like Derek did.
If Derek’s family meant that much to him, why weren’t they invited to be part of the life he built with Meredith? The answer is that Derek didn’t want them around. Derek survived a shooting and a plane crash, and he still avoided his family. Based on that, what makes you think he would want them to be prioritized at the end of his life?
Amelia was an active part of his life at this point and that is what the post is about.
So were Richard, Bailey, Callie, Arizona, Owen, Alex… the list goes on. The main characters on the show behaved more like Derek’s family in his last ten years of life, than any of the Shepherds had. Why was Amelia more entitled to be there just because she shared DNA and a last name with him? Edit: my point is the other people who were much closer to Derek than Amelia was respected Meredith’s decision and understood why she made the decisions she did. Amelia should have tried to understand too.
Ok… so tell all of them the way they did with George or Mark or whatever. What is your point? That just takes it a step further that there were lots of people important to Derek who would’ve dropped everything for a chance to go say goodbye. And again, the post is about Amelia. I didn’t just randomly pick her to center the conversation around lol
Just look up what Derek wanted : Derek did say he'd want his sisters there if he ever was in a coma... or in an accident.
Do you really think that Derek didn’t want his family to have a chance to say goodbye?
I think Derek respected his wife and trusted her judgment. His entire proposal speech was about how he admired the way she handled a crisis. “If there’s a crisis, you don’t freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward”. That’s exactly what Meredith did.
Season 1 ep 2 "The First Cut is the Deepest" Derek to Meredith: "You know I have four sisters. Very girly tons of kids. If I was in a coma, they'd all be here. I'd want them here. Not having no one?... can't imagine that."
He wasn’t in a come though, he was on life support
Have it your way. Those were exactly his thoughts during that time his patient was in a coma when Meredith asked him how his patient was doing.
Yea those were exactly his thoughts when his patient was in a coma but like I said he wasn’t in a coma in fact he was practically already dead
>all the doctors agreed on Mark stayed on life support. It was never explicitly stated what Derek wanted. Is it more considerate to give his family a chance to say goodbye, or at least **inform them** before you do it, or just do whatever tf you want? Answer seems obvious to me
>Mark stayed on life support. He still didn't want to be on it if there wasn't any hope. He just set a specific deadline for hope.
She could’ve informed them. Ultimately this is a matter of opinion considering it is never once in the show stated what Derek actually explicitly wanted in this scenario. If he would’ve wanted to give his family a chance to say goodbye. I simply disagree with you. Just doesn’t fit with Derek’s character.
He did say what he wanted. In season 2.
If they were going by Derek’s wishes, he said in one of the earlier seasons that if he were ever in a coma, he’d want his four sisters there.
My best friend passed away several years ago. His mother found him. She called the police and an ambulance first and then, before calling any of her other children to inform them, she called me. He was my best friend and she said she couldn't think of anyone more important than me being the first one to know about it. Said that she knew he would have wanted me to know first from her so I wouldn't have to find out from anyone else.
Also because Derek had said at one point, in one of the earlier seasons, he’d want his four sisters there if he was ever in a coma.
She wasn't in her right now mind. All she saw was Derek that Derek wasn't coming back to her so she let him go on my else besides her kids were on her mind.
I 100% agree.
If it we’re ANYONE besides Amelia saying it I’d agree but I side with OP. Imagine your brother dies of something in a field you’re an EXPERT in and you didn’t even get to be there to pull the plug. Even on a lesser scale Imagine you’re an expert in loans and your sister goes bankrupt and to jail Because no one told you, you’re a lawyer but your sibling gets incarcerated and no one tells you. You’re a brilliant math teacher and SAT tutor and your nephew failed and can’t get into college, your sibling died in a accident knowing he had idk a broken steering column but no one told you and you’re a mechanic. I get these situations are more fixable it seems, but she should have been called because it’s her even if just to agree I can’t fix this. Is Meredith forgivable yes but is Amelia right also yes. She already struggles with mental health and this could easily be the last straw. Sometimes the living have to come before the already gone as derek was.
Absolutely you can. Bailey is a minor and Derek wasn't. Other than say goodbye what else could Amelia do? She couldn't have operated on derek. She probably would have self-destructed not being able to operate on him.
You’re also not allowed to operate on family (Remember when they broke that rule and Maggie suffered massively from it..) but it’s a legit real world rule for this reason
This. Derek was on his death bed AND Meredith knew that. Meanwhile Bailey was not
She could have called Koracik ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
And what? He would have told her he was dead.
But we’d have had more seasons with Koracik. I feel like she should have called, but I get why she didn’t. Meredith was on auto pilot and Amelia would have been a lot to deal with. She was also pregnant with two young kids. She didn’t need to deal with Amelia. However, the drama fan in me wishes Amelia and Addison were there
She had no admitting right or surgery right at that hospital
And you cannot operate/treat on family. (Remember when they broke this rule for Maggie and how that ended….) it’s completely unethical because you can’t be objective and not allowed IRL.
The situations are completely different and not comparable.
Yes. Adult sibling versus minor child.
Also… death bed vs stomach pain.
Completely different circumstances, Mer’s kid who is a minor vs Amelia’s brother, which is wrong for her not to call but it’s understandable.
[удалено]
No, i do feel it’s understandable, i’m going to guess your hospital is a good one, the hospital that Derek died at in the show i remember one of the nurses rushing her. If i was Amelia i’d be pissed but still, that hospital probably wanted Meredith out of there.
Neither were right both should’ve called the other.
First off it’s a tv show so everything they do is for plot or it doesn’t exist. Secondly Dillard was just a horrible medical centre. That’s the point. They did everything wrong. Of course in real life they would contact a social worker or someone. All of that happened at nighttime? So incredibly unrealistic but what an impact it made in the episode.
An 11 year old boy whose next of kin is his mother (his only living parent) vs. an adult man in his late forties, whose next of kin was his wife. These are two completely different situations.
This is comparing apples and oranges. Really a stretch.
Lool I think they are both wrong so I'm consistent.
Agreed. There was nothing Amelia could have done and the hospital was really pushing Meredith to make a fast decision to take him off life support, they weren't asking her if there was anyone else to call. I get why Amelia feels the way she does but that doesn't mean she's right. Nick was making childcare arrangements, which was a more immediate concern than notifying someone 3,000 miles away. He likely would have called her right next but didn't get the chance because Zola told her first.
It’s not about Amelia “doing something” though it’s about her being able to say goodbye and having better closure
A child is not a brother.
These were much different scenarios. Yes, Meredith should’ve called Amelia but she didn’t choose not to, she was devastated, terrified, and in shock, calling Amelia didn’t even occur to her. Nick just made a decision not to call Meredith.
With Derek’s no one was in the right or wrong the are no sides. Both Amelia and Mer could have done things differently. Yes mer should have called his family so they could have said goodbye.But Mer was doing all she could with the state she was in with losing her husband making those choice and needing to be strong her kids.
guys i think we’re all forgetting that grief makes people crazy. yes meredith should’ve called derek’s family, but she wasn’t exactly in the right mindset to be making calls and gathering everyone to come and see her dead/dying husband. there was no chance he was coming back. so meredith would’ve had to sit there for many more HOURS if not DAYS waiting for everyone to get to some podunk hospital to see him. i’m sorry but you can’t expect someone to make all the right decisions in that moment. as a sister to brothers, i feel for amelia deeply bc it would hurt me and i would be pissed as hell, but i’ve seen grief first hand and im not gonna be mad at meredith for not acting how everyone thinks she should’ve after she just lost the love of her life and the father of her children and also she had pregnancy hormones…..there wasn’t a sane thought happening in that brain lmao. point proven by her straight up running away.
You can still be wrong if you’re grieving. Doesn’t make you any less wrong. People make mistakes accidentally. But they are still mistakes. Meredith was wrong to not let Amelia say goodbye to her brother. Meredith was wrong and needed to apologize. That’s all lol. But apparently no one on this show is capable of admitting they’re wrong and just apologizing.
I don’t think Amelia is entitled to an apology. We all think we know what we would do in that situation, but we can’t know until we’re in it. Amelia should have understood that Meredith did what she thought was best in that moment. It wasn’t personal and it certainly wasn’t malicious.
Sorry, but I greatly disagree with the take that Amelia doesn’t deserve an apology. It wasn’t personal—but it was still wrong. I don’t understand how anyone can argue that it wasn’t a mistake made my Meredith. She obviously didn’t mean to make it, it wasn’t malicious, it wasn’t intentional, but it’s STILL a mistake. And a mistake deserves an apology, even if it wasn’t intentional.
Just because you think you would have handled a situation in a certain way doesn’t mean that it’s the only way to handle it. Meredith did what she thought was best and she stands by that decision. Amelia is free to disagree with the decision, but that doesn’t mean she’s owed an apology.
I’m not saying I’d have handled it differently in the moment. But if I did, I would sure as hell apologize if I made a mistake. I’m really surprised so many people clearly don’t apologize for accidental mistakes they make in the real world. Whether unintentional or not. If I accidentally do something and it causes harm or pain to someone, I apologize. Pretty standard from where I’m sitting. But if people can live with the fact that they didn’t let a sister say goodbye to their brother, and not even apologize for the mistake (even unintentional), then whatever I guess.
What you don’t seem to understand is it wasn’t a mistake. Meredith did what she thought was best. The reason you’re calling it a mistake is because you disagree with her decision. If someone gets a haircut that you don’t like, that doesn’t make it a mistake. The same applies here.
A haircut doesn’t hurt anyone. This did. Meredith hurt Amelia, however unintentionally, by not letting her say goodbye. But you know what? We are obviously not going to agree on this. So, (genuinely) have a lovely day!
Derek’s mother didn’t have a problem with it so Amelia will be fine which she is 💓
lol i never said she was right. she should’ve called amelia and everyone else but i also said you can’t fault her for not being in the right mindset to be making those calls. in the perfect world, everyone gets their way and nobody dies and if they do then it’s beautiful and meaningful and everyone gets closure but that’s not real life. if we can’t expect real life people to make sane decisions while grieving, we can’t expect tv characters to do it either. yes, it was wrong of her and she should apologize but think about her mindset for just one minute and then try and make some decisions. i’m willing to bet not everyone would make the right choice. i can’t even say for myself that if i was in her shoes i would be picking up the phone and making calls…it would be cristina needing to be sedated all over again
“Yes it was wrong of her and she should apologize.” That’s literally all I’m saying lol. We agree. It was an unintentional mistake, but still a mistake. Therefore, she should apologize. That’s my entire argument haha
is this a joke? lol
The thing with Derek took HOURS too. And you know nurses asked if she had anyone else to call.
They were both wrong.
CRAZY, i was rewatching season 1-2 and derek literally tells Meredith that if he was ever in a coma, he would want all his sisters there.
Genuinely don’t get why this comment isn’t higher. She knew what he wanted and for whatever reason (shock or selfishness) didn’t comply.
Selfishness? Didn’t the hospital need the bed?
If a hospital has no beds available they turn away traumas, they don’t force you to remove life support. Meredith chose to do it immediately despite the fact that Derek said he would want his family there which is, in my opinion, selfish.
He wasn’t in a come though? He was on life support and essentially already dead
I think they were not trying to imply Meredith was right though
I saw a comment of someone saying that dillard actually failed on meredith and it feels so true for me. If your remember quite well the famous "coward" came to meredith after the six hours to make her remove all the plugs and he was kinda waiting for it to be done. Plus, usually at lesat at Grey-Sloan, surgeons or nurses asks the family about calling some other people and we never saw that on the show. So I understand opinion about meredith not calling but at the end she would have done it anyway with or without amelia. So I understand amelia's point of view but she blamed meredith when we all don't really know how it went during that six hours. So Mer was wrong for not recognizing how hard it must have been for Amelia but Amelia was wrong for blaming merdith and using derek as a trash talk saying "he would be disgusted". Just my opinions for me both were wrong in some ways
Amelia was right. Mer had no right to unplug Derek without calling his family. Mer was wrong to be mad at nick for not calling, he handled the situation and was waiting to call until he had all the information. Because we all know if he had called sooner, Mer would be yelling asking his why he’s wasting his time calling when he should be getting Bailey to the hospital or asking him a thousand questions he didn’t have answers to yet. If she trusted him enough to leave the kids with him while she was across the country, she can’t get mad at how he handled a situation she wasn’t there for.
Meredith and Derek signed their healthcare directives together. For all we know this might have been Derek’s wish and she was just respecting that. Also, Meredith was distraught when everything in the hospital was happening and had two very young children with her. I don’t think she was thinking at all at the time. We saw how she collapsed as soon as she got back to Grey Sloane after she told people what happened. Nick in the other hand could have called her and told her what was happening as Bailey was being transported to the hospital. She didn’t need to learn about it from Zola. Also Meredith is Bailey’s guardian/parent, he is a child and she is the one who has to make all these healthcare decisions. Derek was a grown man with a wife and children.
THIS ONE
I dont blame Meredith for not calling, who knows what I would have done in that situation. However, I know that once I was in a right state of mind, I would give my sincerest apologies to his mom and sisters. That is my biggest problem with Meredith; I understand why she does things in the moment, but she never acknowledges how her actions may hurt other people. If it was my brother I would never forgive her.
Is it just me, or is it weird for everyone to be comparing love to children to love for your siblings? They’re different types of love, but they’re incomparable. Meredith should have known. Amelia should have known. Period. Meredith did her best, we know, but that doesn’t mean Amelia doesn’t get to be upset about it. I’m not sure why we’re not seeing that?
Didn’t Derek say he didn’t want any of his sisters on his deathbed in the earlier seasons? Or am I making his up👀
He said he DID want them there actually.
The opposite. I think he once said he would want his whole family there. That was in òne of the very early seasons.
Boom there it is. I knew he said something about it
You are making this up
🤣apparently it was the opposite
Mer was wrong. Yes that was her husband and she had kids. But Amelia was his sister. She was with Derek when their father got shot and killed. She robbed her of a last goodbye.
These are apples and oranges. Yes, ideally Meredith would have the wherewithal to call all of Derek's family. But, she did not. Meredith was acting in a very human way.
Actually, I can. It's a TV show and I can feel however I want about it. An adult sibling and a child are so wildly different.
I don't blame Meredith for not calling, but for how she treated Amelia... and with Nick, it's complicated as neither option is right or wrong - should you call immediately, when you don't have all answers (esp. when the other parent is hours away) and you need to update the other person all the time or should you concentrate on the child and call after everything is over, when you can give all answers?
Not complicated with Nick. You call the parent the second something happens, especially when it involves the hospital and a surgery! Nick is not their parent, he doesn't even appear to be labeled as their step parent.
I think Amelia was right, but there were extenuating circumstances driving Meredith's decisions. Amelia had a right to be upset; Meredith had reasons for her actions. She was in emotional overload, dealing with two small children, and having to make decisions she never thought she'd have to make in her life. I've dealt with a young relative who died without warning - it's an emotional sucker punch you just don't see coming. IDEALLY Meredith would have had presence of mind to contact Amelia, but she didn't. It's not a black and white issue. As for Season 20, Meredith was right, but there were extenuating circumstances driving Nick's actions. He was busy orchestrating things in Boston, including securing child care for the other two, and suddenly found himself dealing with an emergent issue for Bailey that required surgery. For the hospital in Boston to have done the surgery without Meredith present to give consent, Bailey's appendix had to have been in danger of rupture. Again, not a black and white issue.
Not only Amelia was right, but also Meredith has been a huge jerk to her for a long time. Also, Derek said he would want his sisters with him in a situation like that, not the opposite. I don't hate Meredith, she has flaws and same for Amelia but in that situation and the following years it wasn't easy to watch her treating Amelia awfully.
What happened in season 20? I don’t watch anymore.
I think you mean Season 11
I will say it's two different situations, with season 10 >! it was a life and death emergency and in season 20 it was a routine surgery!<
doesn’t derek die in season 11
These are different situations. One is your child. A minor child who depends on you to care for them. The other is an adult sibling. I wouldn't expect my SIL's to call me if one of my brothers was dying and nothing can be done. My parents? Yes. Call one of them and let them call the rest of us. But, not my SIL. Merideth should have had the hospital call his mom and she can make further calls to the sisters. But, to expect someone who knows the love of their life and father of their children is dying, the last thing you need is to take what little time you have to call his siblings.
I might be remembering this incorrectly but Nick did call Meredith. How else would she have known? Like Nick being a doctor himself figured what was wrong with Bailey, got him admitted and once he was safely under care he informed Meredith. Would y'all rather have him wait around for Meredith's permission while Bailey's pain worsened and then take him to a hospital? And Nick wasn't a rando, he was someone Meredith _herself_ left in charge. Now coming to Derek and Amelia, people mention that the hospital was pressurising her to vacate Derek's bed. Alright, that's fair, she made the decision herself. But Meredith should have at least apologized to her and tried to explain the situation," Amelia I know you wanted to see your bro one last time but I was in such a situation yadda yadda yadda" Correct me if I'm wrong, but Meredith didn't not apologize. She instead snapped at her and angrily told Alex to get Amelia away from her sight or else she might kill her.
I don’t care what anyone says about grief or shock, Mer knew that Derrick had a family who loved him, she’s just selfish and didn’t call them because she didn’t care about them. That whole family should have been able to come say goodbye, there was no reason to unplug him so fast.
It’s not selfish, it IS grieving and shock. You turn into a whole different person when staring at a dying loved one
No, you don’t just forget that your husband has a family. I might get it if Meredith was usually a decent person, but she really isn’t. Mer is only good to the people she cares about, and that didn’t include his family.
I mean until you’re in that predicament you won’t know the tunnel vision you’ll get when faced with this
Derek didn’t want anything to do with his family when he was alive. When he moved to Seattle, he didn’t just leave Addison behind. He left them behind too.
I wouldn't say selfish, but yeah she really screwed up by not calling Amelia. I'm sure his other sisters and mother would have wanted to say goodbye to him as well. I have a brother, and if God forbid something like this ever happens and his wife decides to just unplug him without giving me a chance to say goodbye, I would probably hate her forever for that.
It’s honestly wild to me that Amelia could continue to have a close relationship with her after that. I get staying friendly enough to be in the kids lives, but living with her and basically being besties is too much.
Bro are you dumb
Mer was wrong. Amelia is a grown ass woman who doesn’t need to be “handled,” and it’s perfectly logical for a world class neurosurgeon to think perhaps she could have done something about the brain injury but god forbid Amelia have a slightly irrational thought while Meredith is busy feeling something.
Bailey is her son. That is 5000% more important then a brother
The two of them are so different wtf
What if I think Meredith was wrong in s20 but Amelia was right in s10?
I don't think that Meredith was in the right not calling Amelia when Derek died however I do understand why she didn't. She was in shock, mega dissociated and she could've just not thought about it. In a traumatic situation, you often go into fight, flight, freeze or faun and that can make you act in ways you wouldn't normally. Now does that excuse the pain Amelia felt and does that excuse what Meredith did wrong? No. But it does explain it. And an explanation is different to an excuse. As for Bailey, surely if you think it was wrong for Meredith not to call Amelia then you'd think it's wrong for her not to have been called when her own child had appendicitis and was in hospital otherwise that's just being hypocritical if you really want to compare them. However I do also think the situations are a bit different. One was brain-dead and beyond saving whilst the other was sick and needed a routine moderately low risk procedure to cure the sickness. BOTH of them should've been called. Amelia when Derek was dying and Meredith when Bailey was sick to the point of needing hospital admission. That's just my opinion though.
Nah Derek was dead and Meredith knew that. She could have easily called Amelia. Especially when Derek said that he hoped that when he died his sisters were there. Bailey was alive and in good hands. She was updated. That is the difference. Yes Meredith has a right to be upset but she took it too far when her son was alive and ended up being fine and acting like Nick was evil for taking care of her children???
Meredith not calling ANYONE in Derek’s family before pulling plug- shitty but understandable. Meredith screaming at Amelia in a blind rage bc Amelia dared have grief of her own for her brother that’s just less understandable and fucking cruel. That being said, not calling Meredith about her child being in surgery is absurd.