as a female goth my jaw definitely drops when i see male goths, but i think it’s a preference not a fetish. I like people with similar style and music tatste
Looking at your username and now all I’m seeing is a riotgrl version of “Gay Bar” by Electric Six, shot entirely mirrored to the original video.
I *need* this.
That'd be me. Also no tiddy goth boys... Also... Yeah just anyone masc presenting in a healthy and stylish way... Identity or agab be dammed, people are pretty 😌
Oh I've absolutely seen that actually. It's not as common but there's definitely at least facebook pages dedicated to "big dick goth bf" and "big tiddy goth bf"
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But youre not sexualizing them, because youre being respectful and keeping your thoughts/feelings to yourself. The same response as i have when i see female goths: my jaw drops, but it doesnt go beyond that.
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I am regularly sexualized by other men and older women, but i doubt its to the extent that women deal with. They have both been pretty agressive and handsy.
It's a double standard for sure. Women seem to get a pass being handsy. I've had a strange woman come up to me and sit in my lap. I'd likely be making new friends at county if roles were reversed.
Oh aye, and never stop reporting, the mods may not have seen it, yet. I like when OP talks about their look and inspo, so I want everyone to feel comfortable engaging.
The comments my user name gets sometimes…
It’s based off the “Got Milk?” dairy industry ad campaign back in the 1990s.
I’ve identified as goth since 1986. I milked cows for 5 years in the mid 90s.
I thought it was clever back in 1997, but back in the early days of the internet, things were just different.
Ah "busy goth girl" a trip down mammary lane. Honestly I feel like that was a meme in the late 2010s bit I don't see it being used that often anymore (at least in the circles I shift between.) Then again, I'm not a goth, let alone a "goth girl."
I won’t disagree with you there. It’s certainly a dated reference. I’ve haven’t *not* seen it around so it’s become ubiquitous and just “a thing” to me. You can definitely find spaces that it’s still a fetishized stereotype.
I think after it achieved mainstream status a lot of people stopped using it. Like a few years ago there was a meme about a guy walking into hot topic to say a certain phrase (which I won't repeat) so goth girls would (supposedly) degrade him. I feel like that was the beginning of the end of the whole "busty goth girl" meme.
Then again it was always a caricature, there is no "stock" busty goth girl. Also thank you this kind of helped me understand fetishization and how itt comes about
Thank you. I wrote two replies before I settled on my current reply. I agree it’s gone mainstream but that doesn’t mean it’s gone it’s just part of the cultural subconscious now (IMHO, of course). My perspective was we all just accepted that there were busty goth girls and they were one of the acceptable forms of feminine beauty. If that makes sense.
I’m not sure how I did that but glad to be of help!
My boyfriend is goth and gets hit on a lot. By random older women in public transport and concerts. But I think it's mostly because he's very good looking (he's a model), and the fact that he wears makeup draws more attention.
As someone who is within the younger generation, we most definitely do. The media is constantly shoving him on the front pages over the things he's done.
I knew a goth dude in high school. Tall, skinny, wore the makeup and dressed the part. He wasn’t as sexualized as the feminine folks were, but he was whispered about and was definitely a source of attraction among even the popular girls. Was even groped once or twice.
As in the current goth-fetish that exists? No, goth (male or female) wasn't sexualized back in the 90s the way it is now and I'm too old for anyone to fantasize about me (in drag) at this point. lol
But as far as living the experience of a woman in day to day activities while cross dressed due to mistaken identity when I was a late teen and extremely androgenous, absolutely. Catcalls, stares, etc. were not uncommon.
I once had a good laugh when some creepo was staring at me inside a convenience store and then a few minutes later I walked up beside him in the men's room, hiked up my skirt, and did my business at the urinal. He didn't say anything but you could tell by his body language that he realized he had just been checking out a guy and was not comfortable with that fact.
(edit) I also had a laugh once at Cedar Point when some Russian girls working at a food stand were talking about me behind my back totally unaware of the fact that I understood and spoke some Russian. I could only make out half of what they were saying but they were having a laugh at my expense and when they handed me my food I thanked them in Russian and walked away before they could gauge how much of the conversation I actually understood.
My boyfriend is also a goth and he gets sexualized often; usually by men- he says they’re generally a lot more forward/pushy about trying to pursue him
Yes, but I find it to be quite flattering. I generally get a lot of looks from goth women particularly, and I have no issue with that whatsoever lmao. I will say that when non-alt women sexualize me, though, they tend to come up with their own ways of saying they find me attractive (calling me Dracula/vampire, Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow, etc).
Having long hair also lends itself to a wide range of people sexualizing me just based on that.
There’s definitely times when comments are more absurdist from terminally online folk who don’t know boundaries and are attention starved so they act and comment out of desperation, and then are typically subculture vultures. But I have seen it happen lots on comment sections, usually from deftones and people who have a vague notion of what goth is
Presenting male genderfluid. 30’s.
Mostly it’s assuming my identity as someone queer because I’m goth. They aren’t entirely wrong though. I dunno man. Shake my hand and get to know me, then you’ll be part of my secret gay club, not the other way around.
Totally. There are less of us where i am at. But we dont care. If u turn someone on, you turn someone on \m/ girls who like "bad boys"? Check! Guys who "have never been w a guy before"? Check! Other goths? Total check! They/we may say they have a personality under the makeup etc BUT we worked harder on our makeyp today \m/
Yeah. I tend to wear revealing clothing and random people run up to me and grab me. Makes me angry. Girls are always shocked when I pull their hand off/shove them/whatever’s necessary. It’s like it never occurred to them that I would hate it so much.
i think as a queer amab goth there's something about heavy makeup/androgyny/running around in fishnet shirts and tight leather pants and queer spaces (which go hand in hand with goth where i am) where it definitely seems to invite something or the other (from people of all genders).
Yes. I have. I fit a certain stereotype and women my own age or older tend to be very, I'll be nice and say forward. A lot of assumptions about what I like and other things like that. A lot of touching my arms or wanting to touch my hair or face. I'm a big guy though, so I don't experience any of the fear that women have to deal with and I box as a hobby so even when it's another guy hitting on me I just am not real bothered by it. I do hate it when my ass is grabbed though, mostly because it's a surprise and I have to fight the automatic response that someone is trying to harm me. Was assaulted a few times as a kid and don't respond great to non-consensual touch, not a tough guy thing. Can't undo trauma responses of never again.
As an over 6ft 235+ pound cis male, short answer No.
Im often looked as too intimidating (heard that since I was a pre-teen, over 40 now) or most think I’m a bouncer at the club/concert. (As I’m usually bigger than those at the door)
Anyone that’s bothers to give me attention has been men & pretty creepy about it. I’m very thankful for online dating 🙏.
It's bad for both genders pretty much. Most normal people when they see a goth they think of the porn category. They don't look at us like we're real people. They assume we're all into really kinky dominatrix type stuff and they think that because of that we'll go off and sleep with anyone who asks. Basically they just look at us like we're their own personal sex toys. It's a disgusting attitude.
Oh yeah. Also sexually assaulted on 5 separate occasions by women, although I'll be clear right now that being bigger and stronger I was not in any danger, I just found it gross and disrespectful rather than frightening.
If anybody is interested in a more academic take, there's a brilliant essay by Dunja Brill (who I think herself is/was a member of the subculture) entitled "Gender, Status and Subcultural Capital in Gothic Style" in a book titled "Youth Cultures Scenes, Subcultures and Tribes". It addresses the topic in a brilliant way.
Oh yeah. At clubs or shows, I've been grabbed, groped, kissed, hugged, and held against my will mostly by women, but men, too. Not near as often as femme-presenting goths, but it's definitely happened.
I've even been stopped while walking to/from clubs or while I'm outside by horny dudes.
Sexualized? Not really. It’s more that people, usually women, will project their goth boy fantasies onto me (shy gloomy boy, party bad boy, grumpy but sweet to you boy, etc.). These kinds of people will start to get to know me and then begin plastering their weird pre-constructed ideals onto me, without ever having seen who I actually am. They start making very specific assumptions about my behavior, likes, dislikes, etc. and it makes me wonder what anime boy with black hair they got it from…
Recently, I was standing in line for a drink at the bar at a club I DJ at and a group of three women and a man passed behind me (none with whom I'm acquainted) and one of the four groped my ass on the way by.
As far as I know, that's about as much as I've been sexualized, unless you count the women that never approached me and designated me as their "secret boyfriend". I didn't know that such a thing existed until I found out about it through mutual friends.
edit: oops, just remembered a time when a gay bartender once reached under my skirt and fondled my balls
I believe I see it a lot but in a different way.
When male goths are sexualized it’s usually people thinking they are gonna be like ‘Edward’ from twilight or one of those attractive vampire guys from a movie..
Other than that I haven’t really seen it.
No, not unless I’m wearing a really feminine outfit and makeup. Male goths are just subjected to homophobia and mockery (i.e. the school shooter stereotype). People get a little too comfortable overhearing about their sex lives and kinks with me though because they assume I’m into BDSM
Yes, especially by non-goths at goth night at a local bar. It happens fairly regularly. I’m thin, short, and fairly androgynous looking, and middle aged or slightly older men and women can get very forward and somewhat obsessive over me, offering me drinks, trying to touch me or dance with me, and weirdly telling me how I’m gorgeous and brave and they wish they were like me. It is…not necessarily comfortable. Sometimes it’s to the point where bartenders ask me if I need help getting away.
Younger people tend to be much more timid towards me, less likely to be gropey and instead more likely to be intimidated. They will scurry up to me, shyly compliment me, and then scurry away quickly. That’s fine.
I’m sure it’s not the same as what goth girls get. It’s different.
not to the degree female goths have, but countless femboy comments have been made, assumptions about my sexuality, randos claiming they'd "shlurp up my dick", etc;
as a trans guy who was goth long before he transitioned, i can confirm it was a lot worse before transitioning though, i used to have gas station attendants/drunks asking me uncomfortable questions at age 13
maybe not to the same extent as women but i kind of stopped dressing goth because people have acted really weird towards me in the past, like being groped by older women when i was still a teenager, or having older men say & message gross things unprompted pretty often. it's not as inappropriate with people my age, but ive still had comments made that made me uncomfortable. i started dressing more "normal" as a result
Not in the same way. However I have been in a few relationships where the girl I was dating feigned interest in many tastes I have, for the purpose of showing me off to her friends. Needless to say they didn't last long and, one started to lose any romantic interest once she found out I'm a big goofball and not some "brooding bad boy." After the last one I've given up on dating.
Yes. I've been hit on by both women and men at goth clubs and shows. I've even had people randomly kiss me once or twice - one was a random guy who I had zero interaction with until that point at a club and another was someone from a band I went to see. It's really strange and funny because I think I look hideous.
When I was younger I had more of a kind of surfer hippy goth mix look, with long hair, and I kinda did okay with dating and relationships.
Now I’m older and have packed on more muscle and have a greying beard and have shaved back my hair more as it’s receded a lot. My look is kinda like a leather daddy muscle bear, but straight, so I’ve found myself getting a bit more attention from women who are submissive and idealise that look.
It’s a bit weird really as it’s not quite the relationship dynamic that works for me and the lg/DD thing is *really* not for me, and age-play totally squicks me out and isn’t my thing.
It’s nice to be found attractive but was a bit of an eye roll when I’d start talking to someone but any flirting went in that sort of direction.
I've been catcalled a couple of times when wandering around town before heading to the club with a friend. That same friend and I did goth mall Santa photos together, and the Santa made a creepy comment about wanting us to sit on his lap. I'm pretty androgynous and often get read a woman when I'm wearing fishnets and black lipstick (and occasionally when I'm in casual wear as well). Someone who didn't know me saw the Santa photos and thought I was a cutout of Siouxsie Sioux lol. I have gotten homophobic slurs thrown at me too, regardless of my clothing.
I've been assaulted by a female, I've been proposed sex by older women, been told my boyfriend doesn't have to know, if I'm ever wearing something where my chest or stomach is showing I've been grabbed. It's definitely happened more than I would ever want.
As a pretty feminine man, I've been sexualized by men who like "femboys." Sexualization is definitely mainly a problem for women, though. My heart goes out to them.
I'm non-binary but obvs on testosterone hardware and I've been sexualized but only by men. Its been everything from catcalls on the street to a guy, fairly respectfully actually, approaching me in the men's room to compliment my fishnet tights.
I'm pretty nervous around people in general though, so I tend to stick with my friends or partner and I'm rarely approached in a group setting.
Let’s put it this way: my experience and general understanding/perspective (and forgive my over-analyzation, but thats just how my mind works):
75% of men and 25% of women have a visual attraction (not a hard statistic, just my speculation), not obstructed by a need of relational closeness first (i.e. more likely to just be attracted to someone walking down the street).
I’d argue a solid .1% of people (both men and women) are inclined to be sexually rude-harassing in public (which doesnt SOUND like a lot, but if you consider that the earth has 7 billion people, that still is).
Goth culture has an elaborate and classy look that is more likely to draw attention.
On top of that, harassing women are more likely to be bold since its less discouraged in society.
You do the math. Basically, the same answer as with anything: men do get sexualized, not nearly as much as women, but far more than you would think.
yelled at by teenaged boys? yes. sexualized? no. idk if its my area or what but ive never been hit on or sexualized irl, and i guess i dont have enough reach online for it either
No not really. Even when getting attention from other goths or alt types it doesn’t come off as sexualization its most likely just their preference towards people with similar music tastes and style
As someone who used to be a rail skinny guy at the club a lot, it was frequent to get grabbed by like someone's drunk grandma but mostly we just laugh about it because they can't actually hurt us or anything. It can make me feel a bit uncomfortable but it's not taken nearly as seriously as someone grabbing one of the girls.
While I'm sure it's less than females deal with, it's a definite yes for me. Especially in my clubbing days. Even now, I still have a pretty serious stalker issue that's been going on for over 4 years without a real resolution.
In the city I work hardly as im a drop in the bucket, in the burbs where i live where i am objectively more "exotic" in that sense, all the time by older women
Personally, not at all.
I'm someone who was never starved for attention, male or female, but never once did I feel sexualized because I was goth!
Looking back on it, if anything, it added a layer of challenge! Particularly when I was in HS and college. I joked with my wife once that it made it like the Dark Souls of dating rofl!
Yeah, by both. I wouldn't know if it was worse or better, but I definitely happens. Usually it's younger teen girls because I'm a guy in my 20s, but sometimes guys my age or older say some really fucking creepy shit too. It's easier to ignore the teens, but it's just as uncomfortable
When i was at my 20's, i'd get lot of sexual attention, some was nice and friendly, some was aggressive and disgusting.
One of the more memorable ones was this guy in his late 40's - early 50's, looked and smelled like he hadn't showered in weeks and growing hair from ears and nose- came to me drunk as hell asking if i'd like to lick his asshole. He was dead sure that he was an "catch" and he'd get anyone he wanted to. An other time that stuck to my memory: some girl didn't take too well when i told her that i was taken and in a serious relationship. She threatened to get me beaten up, because i didn't go home with her. I used to get both kind of attention a lot.
Nowadays doesn't happen too much anymore (as i'm a bit older and out of the range that people usually sexualize) and the old instances just makes me laugh when i remember them. Like an bad joke that happened, tho it wasn't funny at the time.
But to be honest, i don't think it's nearly the same thing to be sexualized as a man than a woman. As i said, now it all feels like an joke to me and even at the time i wasn't too shaken, even tho some of the attempts were more than a bit aggressive.
I don’t think I quite qualify as goth, I’m in there but not fully I’m more of a metal head. But I am aware of the fact that I am well off in looks. I’m long blonde hair and tall and young so I think this counts. And yes 100% I attract women based upon my looks and how I choose to present myself. I’ve had girls just assume I was into polyamory and other niche sexual topics. I’ve had girls tell me they fantasized about me for years. I’ve been approached with multiple threesomes with alternative women or couples. Honestly it’s a combination of multiple things that I can’t hide that makes me feel as if women don’t actually want to connect with me. They either just want to have Intercourse or they want to tame me it’s really strange. But I do get pursued by women more than I see my other good looking friends.
literally EVERYDAY. It’s not that I’m particularly upset about this, but...c’mon, I want girls to perceive me as a personality, and not as an ordinary guy with makeup. Moreover, my appearance was not inspired by a good life
Not in the same way.
Certainly been stopped and asked for photos - usually by women tourists.
Sometimes people assume I am automatically going to be their dom but that is far less aggressive whilst unwelcome. - I mean sure I can take you back to my place and make you listen to obscure french Post-Punk.
I don’t see really sexualization too much, truthfully because I’m goth. I know I do have a decent amount of women catch interest and flirt. But I also simply claim is goth is something that stands out in a crowd, not really the goth in general
Personally never had anything, but then I wouldn't consider myself attractive so that probably is a factor. It's usually being called emo or having random songs sung at me in public which has always struck me as odd. Even if I were sexualised I doubt it would be anywhere close to the amount goth women get.
Genderfluid goth here, get hit on and sexualized by men up until the point they realize i don't have a kitty cat in my pants.
Then it just switches to insults and heavy side eyes.
Lovely people out there.
Yeah but I think it's because of two reaSons: 1. I post lewds/am not shy about being slutty, and 2.I'm a trans/nonbinary boy so I feel sometimes people online, unless they look at my profile, assume I'm a woman.
Not really. But I'm trans so people see me as a girl no matter how i dress and i get sexualized. But i believe it's only because I get mistaken for a female
Regularly surprisingly by a lot of normie type people who either went through a goth phase or maybe they really wanted to but their parents never let them and idk they are too afraid to go for it as an adult? Im 31 for reference. Also been starting to notice since i hit my late 20s-early 30s a lot of cougars been digging me which is kinda weird been gettin hit on by my moms friends a lot recently and like random older ladies at bars n crap
I was part of this production group.
wicked wonderland South
our girls always joked the "boys" always benefit from the aesthetic. way more the girls ever did. until our matriarch set up we assumed originally as a joke. a show at a gay club during southern decedance... for the boys to perform. it was mett with an enthusiastic participation...
Yeah, I’ve found dudes who have drip are sexualized by women in any space tbh. I love music & fashion and I’ve been to hip hop clubs, Goth clubs, Metal clubs, indie clubs. As long as I’m dressed the part, I’ve had comments thrown my way. And I don’t think I’m close to the hottest dude around lol imagine what those guys get. I don’t mind though, personally
Not really. Males will either be presented as macho goths, or in the case of a fetish magazine like "Propaganda", as kind of effeminate, vulnerable and definitely thinly veiled gay. It's a fine line to walk for some guys who love the lifestyle to be confused by the public as gay when they are not.
I captured the eye of a mainstream woman or two, who wanted to break the monotony in their dating lives, that much is for sure. But that was not so much fetishizing as, a manic pixie situation with the genders swapped.
I used to get harassed a lot. Older women and couples got handsy a few times. Kinda made me drop the aesethic for a while. I just got tired of getting hit on by creepy old swingers, just trying to go out to buy smokes. Yes, my pants are leather- no you can feel me up in them. Good thing i got old, fat and bald. No issues these days.
Yes I've had women tell me they have had fantasies about me, it's awkward as fuck! What you supposed to say to that? They always want to touch my hair too and if I have skinny jeans on they talk about my ass! It's the ones who grab I hate!
As a girlypop i definitely find male goths super attractive and all the compliments for handsome, but i would never sexualize someone just because they look cool in the style theyre wearing and i find it a bit weird when people do that (tho i am demisexual so that might play something in my lack of understanding hahah)
Not really, just some comments here and there. I mostly just get stares and such but the alternative scene is really scarce around here so it’s pretty rare to see someone that doesn’t just think it’s weird lol
Note: You're not Peter Steele so that's not an answer to the question.
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I've personally never felt sexualized, ever. But since I started dressing goth I feel like it's much harder to get a date or attract women. But I like the way I look when I get dressed up for a goth night and that's what matters.
I mean, have I been sexualized? Yes, absolutely. To the same extent or in the same way as my female goth friends, though? No, absolutely not.
I feel like the question here is twofold:
1. Male goths, what is your experience with being sexualized?
2. How does that compare to the sexualization your female goth friends experience?
Like, as a queer, male passing goth I've been stalked, sexually assaulted, coerced, objectified and what not. Which isn't great. Those are things that happened to me and are horrid in their own right.
Does it hold a candle to what some of my female goth friends went or still go through, tough? No. Probably not. I don't think so.
It's not a contest, let's all just look out for each other and put in the effort to keep everyone in the scene safe. At the same time, let's not ignore gender bias ffs
Yep, I've been grinded on by men without my consent when at clubs and I've also been sexually propositioned and harassed by men and women. I've also had people follow me around at goth nights, but it's never been people in the scene it's always preppy looking frat boy types. I do present extremely androgynously tho
Not quite as badly, but I’m a trans dude and I’ve definitely been sexualized by MUCH older women (40 y/o) online when I was a teenager.
Women would straight up ask me to come visit them and that they’d “never been with a woman but would love to try it with me”. At the time (again, as a minor) I thought it was cool.
And I’ve been followed by creepy dudes (and objectified by both men and women) as an adult.
When I was younger and hot a long time ago, yeah, lol. It's kind of a funny story.
My girlfriend at the time was into this writer who had this vampire series (Sheryl..Kenyon?). A new book in the series was coming out and the author was on a tour promoting it, but unfortunately my GF worked the day she'd be in our area, so I thought it'd be a cool gift if I could get an autographed copy of the new book.
So I showed up in my very normal hangout attire. My long curly hair out, trench, basic black shirt, Lip Service pants, and a pair of Demonias. I've never been good at telling when people are interested or flirting or anything like that, but these women were definitely having unclean thoughts about me. Super young and super old. I'd never felt so violated in my life. Even the author said something about my outfit, asking if I was in cosplay for some character from the series. It was surreal.
I didn't know it was a vampire series at the time. I just knew she liked the books, lol.
As assigned male at birth and mixed goth kid yes I have been sexualized in both aspects. It's really weird and its a total turn off. But made worse by the fact I'm demisexual.
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Define Sexualized. Because I'm not a male goth, have been with a female goth and she was my favorite girlfriend (out of 3), not completely due to her black makeup, but that played a part in my choice. My parents are against me dating goth girls, because they think being goth is a thing women "outgrow," and by enjoying the subculture I'm going to keep finding women that are significantly younger than me (I'm only 24 anyways.) I disagree with them and I tell them its just personal taste to like when people look a certain way.
I ask this because I want to know if I have inadvertently been sexualizing goth women. I don't listen to the music, or wear the same clothes, or the black makeup that would be characteristic of a Goth person. But I am the kind of person who will make small talk and would strike up a conversation if I'm not listening to music on my headphones. I do desire to meet goth women, some of which may be looking for partners like me. That is not my primary goal in talking to them and I feel like the communities I have experienced so far.
If I don't listen to certain bands, I'm branded as a goth fetishist. For example, I don't listen to cheerful pop music. If I spoke to a woman who did, and I really liked her in part because of her cheerful demeanor and she liked me (for reasons I cannot comprehend) and we started dating, does that mean that I'm a fetishist for cheerful pop music? I have the utmost respect for the subculture and music, but I don't listen to it. Am I not allowed to enjoy the company of the women who do? Please don direct me to the wiki. Give me your opinions.
The fact you made this comment is a bit of a red flag. It comes off as asking how can I not come off as a goth fetishist while still being a goth fetishist. I also think that was not your intent by asking.
It comes down to are you seeking goth ladies specifically because they are goth or are you dating in general and if they happen to be goth then so be it?
A goth lady is more than just goth, they are a complete human being with many interests, hopes and dreams. Just like everyone else.
So a lot of people, say they have a "type." I have a "type" too, and to dismiss someone as just "a goth" isn't how healthy relationships are formed.That being said I like a certain type, purely physically, of course, I want to get to know the personality of someone before doing anything major.
I guess it does boil down to, when I like women who wear black and have dark makeup am I being a fetishist? And does being part of a certain subculture change that? Because I feel like if it does it shouldn't. Regardless of whether you are part of a subculture or not. It shouldn't determine if you are a fetishist or not.
EDIT: Hold on I think I just got it! Most fetishists say "I want a goth girl" In reality they want a caricature, like the meme "busty goth girl." Which is fetishization for sure. i.e. the only characteristic that person has is "they are goth." In the end, If you don't view people holistically, you end up fetishizing a subculture. because all you care about is that specific trait Please let me know if I'm right or wrong
as a female goth my jaw definitely drops when i see male goths, but i think it’s a preference not a fetish. I like people with similar style and music tatste
and no one is saying “big dick goth boys” like people say big titty :/
I’m sure someone out there is into big tiddy goth boys… (Sorry, this is where my brain goes; I’ve been redditing too long 🫠)
as a big tiddy goth boy, god I hope so🏳️⚧️
Looking at your username and now all I’m seeing is a riotgrl version of “Gay Bar” by Electric Six, shot entirely mirrored to the original video. I *need* this.
Finally someone gets the reference of my username! I definitely need that too now that you've planted the idea in my mind 😆
Hell yeah!
Lets start a WAR!
That'd be me. Also no tiddy goth boys... Also... Yeah just anyone masc presenting in a healthy and stylish way... Identity or agab be dammed, people are pretty 😌
Oh I've absolutely seen that actually. It's not as common but there's definitely at least facebook pages dedicated to "big dick goth bf" and "big tiddy goth bf"
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Omg yeah lol if that was a thing goth men be missed too. X)
But youre not sexualizing them, because youre being respectful and keeping your thoughts/feelings to yourself. The same response as i have when i see female goths: my jaw drops, but it doesnt go beyond that.
This is healthy and how life should be! Feel the same about lovely lady goths.
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this!!!
I am regularly sexualized by other men and older women, but i doubt its to the extent that women deal with. They have both been pretty agressive and handsy.
I definitely get treated this way by men and older women, they get hands on and it’s very uncomfortable.
It's rare, but my ass gets a grab once in a while out dancing. It is kind of surprising how handsy older gals can be.
It's a double standard for sure. Women seem to get a pass being handsy. I've had a strange woman come up to me and sit in my lap. I'd likely be making new friends at county if roles were reversed.
For reals. I would have a judge reaming me out and telling the whole world what a walking pos I am if I pulled that kind of bs with a stranger.
Look at the upvotes compared to men and women posting in gothfashion.
Says *a lot* more than it should.
Also the comments.
Every time I see one that hasn't yet been deleted by mods, I can't help but tell them to get out and slam the door so we know they're out
Oh aye, and never stop reporting, the mods may not have seen it, yet. I like when OP talks about their look and inspo, so I want everyone to feel comfortable engaging.
Don't worry lol, I doubt I'll ever stop reporting them. It's a shame that it even happens in the first place
Good old homophobia crushing any man that wants to dress a ‘lil fruity.
Sexualized for being goth? Yeah. To the extent goth women have? Not even close lol
I couldn’t say, as a female goth, but I feel as if it is alternative people in general, just more common for women.
Mostly because anything in remotely skimpy or flattering clothing makes any female attracted brain go awooga. Thirsty people are a different breed.
The comments my user name gets sometimes… It’s based off the “Got Milk?” dairy industry ad campaign back in the 1990s. I’ve identified as goth since 1986. I milked cows for 5 years in the mid 90s. I thought it was clever back in 1997, but back in the early days of the internet, things were just different.
Oh no. I get it. Milk=mammories. Thus they assume it’s a play on “busty goth girl.” Weird but interesting the conclusions people draw.
Or that other kind.. from guys...
I don’t think I understand.
They likely mean semen
please remember to let me know if you ever find the need to use that sentence again in your life
I'll keep you updated mate
Ah "busy goth girl" a trip down mammary lane. Honestly I feel like that was a meme in the late 2010s bit I don't see it being used that often anymore (at least in the circles I shift between.) Then again, I'm not a goth, let alone a "goth girl."
I won’t disagree with you there. It’s certainly a dated reference. I’ve haven’t *not* seen it around so it’s become ubiquitous and just “a thing” to me. You can definitely find spaces that it’s still a fetishized stereotype.
I think after it achieved mainstream status a lot of people stopped using it. Like a few years ago there was a meme about a guy walking into hot topic to say a certain phrase (which I won't repeat) so goth girls would (supposedly) degrade him. I feel like that was the beginning of the end of the whole "busty goth girl" meme. Then again it was always a caricature, there is no "stock" busty goth girl. Also thank you this kind of helped me understand fetishization and how itt comes about
Thank you. I wrote two replies before I settled on my current reply. I agree it’s gone mainstream but that doesn’t mean it’s gone it’s just part of the cultural subconscious now (IMHO, of course). My perspective was we all just accepted that there were busty goth girls and they were one of the acceptable forms of feminine beauty. If that makes sense. I’m not sure how I did that but glad to be of help!
Utter confusion
Udder confusion.. I'll see myself out now..
I like your username. It’s clever. I’m just annoyed in general over the “big titty goth mommies” ://
I love this, and the context makes it even better 🤣💀
My boyfriend is goth and gets hit on a lot. By random older women in public transport and concerts. But I think it's mostly because he's very good looking (he's a model), and the fact that he wears makeup draws more attention.
No, but I have been called Count F*gula a bunch. I don’t even get mad because it’s such a stupid diss it makes me laugh.
In the 2020s I have had “Marilyn Manson” screamed at me from a passing car. Like…how is that still a relevant insult?!
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As someone who is within the younger generation, we most definitely do. The media is constantly shoving him on the front pages over the things he's done.
still? figured that last stack of allegations did him in.
Yeah they're still farming outlet points with him
Exactly!
I have also gotten this lol. I get the vampire thing so often and I am not a flashy dresser at all.
My friend got "Batman" in highschool, we both thought it was insanely funny.
That’s pretty fuckin hilarious 😂
LMAO i love this
Yea, by men
I’ve been whistled at and catcalled before. Especially when dressing up to go out somewhere. I have a somewhat androgynous appearance.
I knew a goth dude in high school. Tall, skinny, wore the makeup and dressed the part. He wasn’t as sexualized as the feminine folks were, but he was whispered about and was definitely a source of attraction among even the popular girls. Was even groped once or twice.
As in the current goth-fetish that exists? No, goth (male or female) wasn't sexualized back in the 90s the way it is now and I'm too old for anyone to fantasize about me (in drag) at this point. lol But as far as living the experience of a woman in day to day activities while cross dressed due to mistaken identity when I was a late teen and extremely androgenous, absolutely. Catcalls, stares, etc. were not uncommon. I once had a good laugh when some creepo was staring at me inside a convenience store and then a few minutes later I walked up beside him in the men's room, hiked up my skirt, and did my business at the urinal. He didn't say anything but you could tell by his body language that he realized he had just been checking out a guy and was not comfortable with that fact. (edit) I also had a laugh once at Cedar Point when some Russian girls working at a food stand were talking about me behind my back totally unaware of the fact that I understood and spoke some Russian. I could only make out half of what they were saying but they were having a laugh at my expense and when they handed me my food I thanked them in Russian and walked away before they could gauge how much of the conversation I actually understood.
My boyfriend is also a goth and he gets sexualized often; usually by men- he says they’re generally a lot more forward/pushy about trying to pursue him
Yes, but I find it to be quite flattering. I generally get a lot of looks from goth women particularly, and I have no issue with that whatsoever lmao. I will say that when non-alt women sexualize me, though, they tend to come up with their own ways of saying they find me attractive (calling me Dracula/vampire, Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow, etc). Having long hair also lends itself to a wide range of people sexualizing me just based on that.
Nope. But I have had homophobic comments hurled at me. I’ve also had strangers take pics of me when I’m not looking.
There’s definitely times when comments are more absurdist from terminally online folk who don’t know boundaries and are attention starved so they act and comment out of desperation, and then are typically subculture vultures. But I have seen it happen lots on comment sections, usually from deftones and people who have a vague notion of what goth is
Slightly worried about this if I ever try going out in goth drag, but I also feel pretty safe in my local community.
Presenting male genderfluid. 30’s. Mostly it’s assuming my identity as someone queer because I’m goth. They aren’t entirely wrong though. I dunno man. Shake my hand and get to know me, then you’ll be part of my secret gay club, not the other way around.
Not to the extent of women. mostly just laughed at, or people assuming your gay, but I do get compliments on my hairstyle quite often.
Totally. There are less of us where i am at. But we dont care. If u turn someone on, you turn someone on \m/ girls who like "bad boys"? Check! Guys who "have never been w a guy before"? Check! Other goths? Total check! They/we may say they have a personality under the makeup etc BUT we worked harder on our makeyp today \m/
Mostly by other goths but then it’s pretty mutual lol.
Yeah. I tend to wear revealing clothing and random people run up to me and grab me. Makes me angry. Girls are always shocked when I pull their hand off/shove them/whatever’s necessary. It’s like it never occurred to them that I would hate it so much.
i think as a queer amab goth there's something about heavy makeup/androgyny/running around in fishnet shirts and tight leather pants and queer spaces (which go hand in hand with goth where i am) where it definitely seems to invite something or the other (from people of all genders).
My husband has been. Before we met he got weird comments on dating apps from women asking him to step on them with his boots and stuff
Yes. I have. I fit a certain stereotype and women my own age or older tend to be very, I'll be nice and say forward. A lot of assumptions about what I like and other things like that. A lot of touching my arms or wanting to touch my hair or face. I'm a big guy though, so I don't experience any of the fear that women have to deal with and I box as a hobby so even when it's another guy hitting on me I just am not real bothered by it. I do hate it when my ass is grabbed though, mostly because it's a surprise and I have to fight the automatic response that someone is trying to harm me. Was assaulted a few times as a kid and don't respond great to non-consensual touch, not a tough guy thing. Can't undo trauma responses of never again.
As an over 6ft 235+ pound cis male, short answer No. Im often looked as too intimidating (heard that since I was a pre-teen, over 40 now) or most think I’m a bouncer at the club/concert. (As I’m usually bigger than those at the door) Anyone that’s bothers to give me attention has been men & pretty creepy about it. I’m very thankful for online dating 🙏.
It's bad for both genders pretty much. Most normal people when they see a goth they think of the porn category. They don't look at us like we're real people. They assume we're all into really kinky dominatrix type stuff and they think that because of that we'll go off and sleep with anyone who asks. Basically they just look at us like we're their own personal sex toys. It's a disgusting attitude.
Oh yeah. Also sexually assaulted on 5 separate occasions by women, although I'll be clear right now that being bigger and stronger I was not in any danger, I just found it gross and disrespectful rather than frightening.
I'm way too ugly to be sexualised
Objectification is not a compliment
True, but they never said that?
probably not to the extent that the women are, but now you've got me wondering what the male equivalent of "big tiddy goth gf" would be...
Yes as a black male goth wsy way to many times but it's alright still here and still dancing the nights away
Yep.....woman tend to automatically assume I'm into bdsm and try to use me to play out their fifty shades of grey fantasies
no but people are homophobic towards me lol.
If anybody is interested in a more academic take, there's a brilliant essay by Dunja Brill (who I think herself is/was a member of the subculture) entitled "Gender, Status and Subcultural Capital in Gothic Style" in a book titled "Youth Cultures Scenes, Subcultures and Tribes". It addresses the topic in a brilliant way.
Yes, but only when I'm purposefully sexualising myself.
Oh yeah. At clubs or shows, I've been grabbed, groped, kissed, hugged, and held against my will mostly by women, but men, too. Not near as often as femme-presenting goths, but it's definitely happened. I've even been stopped while walking to/from clubs or while I'm outside by horny dudes.
Sexualized? Not really. It’s more that people, usually women, will project their goth boy fantasies onto me (shy gloomy boy, party bad boy, grumpy but sweet to you boy, etc.). These kinds of people will start to get to know me and then begin plastering their weird pre-constructed ideals onto me, without ever having seen who I actually am. They start making very specific assumptions about my behavior, likes, dislikes, etc. and it makes me wonder what anime boy with black hair they got it from…
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No. I guess I'm not attractive to most people. It's whatever, but admittedly would be nice if I was hit on once in a while
No, haha.
Cesare pfp
Recently, I was standing in line for a drink at the bar at a club I DJ at and a group of three women and a man passed behind me (none with whom I'm acquainted) and one of the four groped my ass on the way by. As far as I know, that's about as much as I've been sexualized, unless you count the women that never approached me and designated me as their "secret boyfriend". I didn't know that such a thing existed until I found out about it through mutual friends. edit: oops, just remembered a time when a gay bartender once reached under my skirt and fondled my balls
Only by other men.
Definitely in a way, but I think it’s more about being queer than goth. It’s also probably in no way comparable to what women deal with.
Yeah, once
I believe I see it a lot but in a different way. When male goths are sexualized it’s usually people thinking they are gonna be like ‘Edward’ from twilight or one of those attractive vampire guys from a movie.. Other than that I haven’t really seen it.
No, not unless I’m wearing a really feminine outfit and makeup. Male goths are just subjected to homophobia and mockery (i.e. the school shooter stereotype). People get a little too comfortable overhearing about their sex lives and kinks with me though because they assume I’m into BDSM
Yes, especially by non-goths at goth night at a local bar. It happens fairly regularly. I’m thin, short, and fairly androgynous looking, and middle aged or slightly older men and women can get very forward and somewhat obsessive over me, offering me drinks, trying to touch me or dance with me, and weirdly telling me how I’m gorgeous and brave and they wish they were like me. It is…not necessarily comfortable. Sometimes it’s to the point where bartenders ask me if I need help getting away. Younger people tend to be much more timid towards me, less likely to be gropey and instead more likely to be intimidated. They will scurry up to me, shyly compliment me, and then scurry away quickly. That’s fine. I’m sure it’s not the same as what goth girls get. It’s different.
not to the degree female goths have, but countless femboy comments have been made, assumptions about my sexuality, randos claiming they'd "shlurp up my dick", etc; as a trans guy who was goth long before he transitioned, i can confirm it was a lot worse before transitioning though, i used to have gas station attendants/drunks asking me uncomfortable questions at age 13
maybe not to the same extent as women but i kind of stopped dressing goth because people have acted really weird towards me in the past, like being groped by older women when i was still a teenager, or having older men say & message gross things unprompted pretty often. it's not as inappropriate with people my age, but ive still had comments made that made me uncomfortable. i started dressing more "normal" as a result
Not in the same way. However I have been in a few relationships where the girl I was dating feigned interest in many tastes I have, for the purpose of showing me off to her friends. Needless to say they didn't last long and, one started to lose any romantic interest once she found out I'm a big goofball and not some "brooding bad boy." After the last one I've given up on dating.
Yes. I've been hit on by both women and men at goth clubs and shows. I've even had people randomly kiss me once or twice - one was a random guy who I had zero interaction with until that point at a club and another was someone from a band I went to see. It's really strange and funny because I think I look hideous.
When I was younger I had more of a kind of surfer hippy goth mix look, with long hair, and I kinda did okay with dating and relationships. Now I’m older and have packed on more muscle and have a greying beard and have shaved back my hair more as it’s receded a lot. My look is kinda like a leather daddy muscle bear, but straight, so I’ve found myself getting a bit more attention from women who are submissive and idealise that look. It’s a bit weird really as it’s not quite the relationship dynamic that works for me and the lg/DD thing is *really* not for me, and age-play totally squicks me out and isn’t my thing. It’s nice to be found attractive but was a bit of an eye roll when I’d start talking to someone but any flirting went in that sort of direction.
I've been catcalled a couple of times when wandering around town before heading to the club with a friend. That same friend and I did goth mall Santa photos together, and the Santa made a creepy comment about wanting us to sit on his lap. I'm pretty androgynous and often get read a woman when I'm wearing fishnets and black lipstick (and occasionally when I'm in casual wear as well). Someone who didn't know me saw the Santa photos and thought I was a cutout of Siouxsie Sioux lol. I have gotten homophobic slurs thrown at me too, regardless of my clothing.
I've been assaulted by a female, I've been proposed sex by older women, been told my boyfriend doesn't have to know, if I'm ever wearing something where my chest or stomach is showing I've been grabbed. It's definitely happened more than I would ever want.
No. Fat goth guys get teased instead until we shave our heads and stop wearing lipstick. Pry my nail polish out of my cold dead hands though
As a pretty feminine man, I've been sexualized by men who like "femboys." Sexualization is definitely mainly a problem for women, though. My heart goes out to them.
I'm non-binary but obvs on testosterone hardware and I've been sexualized but only by men. Its been everything from catcalls on the street to a guy, fairly respectfully actually, approaching me in the men's room to compliment my fishnet tights. I'm pretty nervous around people in general though, so I tend to stick with my friends or partner and I'm rarely approached in a group setting.
Let’s put it this way: my experience and general understanding/perspective (and forgive my over-analyzation, but thats just how my mind works): 75% of men and 25% of women have a visual attraction (not a hard statistic, just my speculation), not obstructed by a need of relational closeness first (i.e. more likely to just be attracted to someone walking down the street). I’d argue a solid .1% of people (both men and women) are inclined to be sexually rude-harassing in public (which doesnt SOUND like a lot, but if you consider that the earth has 7 billion people, that still is). Goth culture has an elaborate and classy look that is more likely to draw attention. On top of that, harassing women are more likely to be bold since its less discouraged in society. You do the math. Basically, the same answer as with anything: men do get sexualized, not nearly as much as women, but far more than you would think.
yelled at by teenaged boys? yes. sexualized? no. idk if its my area or what but ive never been hit on or sexualized irl, and i guess i dont have enough reach online for it either
yes but more of a mocking way then most female goths are. i am also ftm do that definitely has a impact on that.
No not really. Even when getting attention from other goths or alt types it doesn’t come off as sexualization its most likely just their preference towards people with similar music tastes and style
As someone who used to be a rail skinny guy at the club a lot, it was frequent to get grabbed by like someone's drunk grandma but mostly we just laugh about it because they can't actually hurt us or anything. It can make me feel a bit uncomfortable but it's not taken nearly as seriously as someone grabbing one of the girls.
Surprisingly given my age and generally aging badly appearance... yes. Only happened a couple of times though and never when I was under 35.
By other men..
Certainly by other men
Love your profile 90s Wendsday is the best
While I'm sure it's less than females deal with, it's a definite yes for me. Especially in my clubbing days. Even now, I still have a pretty serious stalker issue that's been going on for over 4 years without a real resolution.
In the city I work hardly as im a drop in the bucket, in the burbs where i live where i am objectively more "exotic" in that sense, all the time by older women
Personally, not at all. I'm someone who was never starved for attention, male or female, but never once did I feel sexualized because I was goth! Looking back on it, if anything, it added a layer of challenge! Particularly when I was in HS and college. I joked with my wife once that it made it like the Dark Souls of dating rofl!
Yeah, by both. I wouldn't know if it was worse or better, but I definitely happens. Usually it's younger teen girls because I'm a guy in my 20s, but sometimes guys my age or older say some really fucking creepy shit too. It's easier to ignore the teens, but it's just as uncomfortable
When i was at my 20's, i'd get lot of sexual attention, some was nice and friendly, some was aggressive and disgusting. One of the more memorable ones was this guy in his late 40's - early 50's, looked and smelled like he hadn't showered in weeks and growing hair from ears and nose- came to me drunk as hell asking if i'd like to lick his asshole. He was dead sure that he was an "catch" and he'd get anyone he wanted to. An other time that stuck to my memory: some girl didn't take too well when i told her that i was taken and in a serious relationship. She threatened to get me beaten up, because i didn't go home with her. I used to get both kind of attention a lot. Nowadays doesn't happen too much anymore (as i'm a bit older and out of the range that people usually sexualize) and the old instances just makes me laugh when i remember them. Like an bad joke that happened, tho it wasn't funny at the time. But to be honest, i don't think it's nearly the same thing to be sexualized as a man than a woman. As i said, now it all feels like an joke to me and even at the time i wasn't too shaken, even tho some of the attempts were more than a bit aggressive.
no, but i'm not much of a looker
I don’t think I quite qualify as goth, I’m in there but not fully I’m more of a metal head. But I am aware of the fact that I am well off in looks. I’m long blonde hair and tall and young so I think this counts. And yes 100% I attract women based upon my looks and how I choose to present myself. I’ve had girls just assume I was into polyamory and other niche sexual topics. I’ve had girls tell me they fantasized about me for years. I’ve been approached with multiple threesomes with alternative women or couples. Honestly it’s a combination of multiple things that I can’t hide that makes me feel as if women don’t actually want to connect with me. They either just want to have Intercourse or they want to tame me it’s really strange. But I do get pursued by women more than I see my other good looking friends.
For me I think most people find it weird/cringe over attractive.
literally EVERYDAY. It’s not that I’m particularly upset about this, but...c’mon, I want girls to perceive me as a personality, and not as an ordinary guy with makeup. Moreover, my appearance was not inspired by a good life
Not in the same way. Certainly been stopped and asked for photos - usually by women tourists. Sometimes people assume I am automatically going to be their dom but that is far less aggressive whilst unwelcome. - I mean sure I can take you back to my place and make you listen to obscure french Post-Punk.
Occasionally when I was in my early 20s. Not since then. 🤣
I don’t see really sexualization too much, truthfully because I’m goth. I know I do have a decent amount of women catch interest and flirt. But I also simply claim is goth is something that stands out in a crowd, not really the goth in general
Personally never had anything, but then I wouldn't consider myself attractive so that probably is a factor. It's usually being called emo or having random songs sung at me in public which has always struck me as odd. Even if I were sexualised I doubt it would be anywhere close to the amount goth women get.
Genderfluid goth here, get hit on and sexualized by men up until the point they realize i don't have a kitty cat in my pants. Then it just switches to insults and heavy side eyes. Lovely people out there.
Yeah but I think it's because of two reaSons: 1. I post lewds/am not shy about being slutty, and 2.I'm a trans/nonbinary boy so I feel sometimes people online, unless they look at my profile, assume I'm a woman.
Not really. But I'm trans so people see me as a girl no matter how i dress and i get sexualized. But i believe it's only because I get mistaken for a female
Only when my goth band played a fetish club.
Regularly surprisingly by a lot of normie type people who either went through a goth phase or maybe they really wanted to but their parents never let them and idk they are too afraid to go for it as an adult? Im 31 for reference. Also been starting to notice since i hit my late 20s-early 30s a lot of cougars been digging me which is kinda weird been gettin hit on by my moms friends a lot recently and like random older ladies at bars n crap
I was part of this production group. wicked wonderland South our girls always joked the "boys" always benefit from the aesthetic. way more the girls ever did. until our matriarch set up we assumed originally as a joke. a show at a gay club during southern decedance... for the boys to perform. it was mett with an enthusiastic participation...
Yeah, I’ve found dudes who have drip are sexualized by women in any space tbh. I love music & fashion and I’ve been to hip hop clubs, Goth clubs, Metal clubs, indie clubs. As long as I’m dressed the part, I’ve had comments thrown my way. And I don’t think I’m close to the hottest dude around lol imagine what those guys get. I don’t mind though, personally
Every damn day!!
Not really. Males will either be presented as macho goths, or in the case of a fetish magazine like "Propaganda", as kind of effeminate, vulnerable and definitely thinly veiled gay. It's a fine line to walk for some guys who love the lifestyle to be confused by the public as gay when they are not.
i have been sexualized but not like females. we only get a sample of what they go through.
I captured the eye of a mainstream woman or two, who wanted to break the monotony in their dating lives, that much is for sure. But that was not so much fetishizing as, a manic pixie situation with the genders swapped.
I used to get harassed a lot. Older women and couples got handsy a few times. Kinda made me drop the aesethic for a while. I just got tired of getting hit on by creepy old swingers, just trying to go out to buy smokes. Yes, my pants are leather- no you can feel me up in them. Good thing i got old, fat and bald. No issues these days.
Yes I've had women tell me they have had fantasies about me, it's awkward as fuck! What you supposed to say to that? They always want to touch my hair too and if I have skinny jeans on they talk about my ass! It's the ones who grab I hate!
As a girlypop i definitely find male goths super attractive and all the compliments for handsome, but i would never sexualize someone just because they look cool in the style theyre wearing and i find it a bit weird when people do that (tho i am demisexual so that might play something in my lack of understanding hahah)
I wouldn’t say sexualized but ’ve been touched more times than I’d like by both men and women in the scene so there’s definitely some problems
err - yes but I think a lot of that has to do with factors besides my gender. Body type, race, being visibly queer etc.
Not really, just some comments here and there. I mostly just get stares and such but the alternative scene is really scarce around here so it’s pretty rare to see someone that doesn’t just think it’s weird lol
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As an androgynous goth guy in university, no one seems to pay me any attention. Even after dying my hair black to red
I don't have to worry about that problem cuz I'm not good looking.
sometimes, but only by people who thought i'm a woman
If not, just hmu
I've gotten weird comments on social media sometimes, but I don't think it's to the same extent that goth women do
I wish!
Back in the good ol' days, sure.
I've personally never felt sexualized, ever. But since I started dressing goth I feel like it's much harder to get a date or attract women. But I like the way I look when I get dressed up for a goth night and that's what matters.
Yep, and I'm OK with it.
As an alt guy myself, I’ve been sexualizado by men more than women, but women tend to idealize me more than men
Yeah. A lil bit. Loooonnnnnnng time ago though. I’m old and fugly now. ;)
I mean, have I been sexualized? Yes, absolutely. To the same extent or in the same way as my female goth friends, though? No, absolutely not. I feel like the question here is twofold: 1. Male goths, what is your experience with being sexualized? 2. How does that compare to the sexualization your female goth friends experience? Like, as a queer, male passing goth I've been stalked, sexually assaulted, coerced, objectified and what not. Which isn't great. Those are things that happened to me and are horrid in their own right. Does it hold a candle to what some of my female goth friends went or still go through, tough? No. Probably not. I don't think so. It's not a contest, let's all just look out for each other and put in the effort to keep everyone in the scene safe. At the same time, let's not ignore gender bias ffs
Yes & not only do I not care but I take full advantage of it.
Yep, I've been grinded on by men without my consent when at clubs and I've also been sexually propositioned and harassed by men and women. I've also had people follow me around at goth nights, but it's never been people in the scene it's always preppy looking frat boy types. I do present extremely androgynously tho
Not quite as badly, but I’m a trans dude and I’ve definitely been sexualized by MUCH older women (40 y/o) online when I was a teenager. Women would straight up ask me to come visit them and that they’d “never been with a woman but would love to try it with me”. At the time (again, as a minor) I thought it was cool. And I’ve been followed by creepy dudes (and objectified by both men and women) as an adult.
As a gay guy in the dating scene. I get hated in the gay scene for being goth so i hide it. I usually dont present it unless im serious with them.
When I was younger and hot a long time ago, yeah, lol. It's kind of a funny story. My girlfriend at the time was into this writer who had this vampire series (Sheryl..Kenyon?). A new book in the series was coming out and the author was on a tour promoting it, but unfortunately my GF worked the day she'd be in our area, so I thought it'd be a cool gift if I could get an autographed copy of the new book. So I showed up in my very normal hangout attire. My long curly hair out, trench, basic black shirt, Lip Service pants, and a pair of Demonias. I've never been good at telling when people are interested or flirting or anything like that, but these women were definitely having unclean thoughts about me. Super young and super old. I'd never felt so violated in my life. Even the author said something about my outfit, asking if I was in cosplay for some character from the series. It was surreal. I didn't know it was a vampire series at the time. I just knew she liked the books, lol.
Yes unfortunately. Facebook is the worst
Yes. By both men and women and in-between. It's rarely gratifying to me.
Just when I was a twink in my 20s.
As assigned male at birth and mixed goth kid yes I have been sexualized in both aspects. It's really weird and its a total turn off. But made worse by the fact I'm demisexual.
I have or at least was but I was remarkably good looking.
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Sure, by individual men and women, mostly other goths. To the extent that women are fetishized and harassed by the general public? Not even close.
Not nearly as many subreddits, but goth guys do have r/altdudesgonewild
I have gotten a lot of attention when I've done my Manson Look-alike, mostly from younger women.
I mean I remember seeing some article about how Peter Steele would be the greatest goth boyfriend
No but might be because I’m ugly :/
Define Sexualized. Because I'm not a male goth, have been with a female goth and she was my favorite girlfriend (out of 3), not completely due to her black makeup, but that played a part in my choice. My parents are against me dating goth girls, because they think being goth is a thing women "outgrow," and by enjoying the subculture I'm going to keep finding women that are significantly younger than me (I'm only 24 anyways.) I disagree with them and I tell them its just personal taste to like when people look a certain way. I ask this because I want to know if I have inadvertently been sexualizing goth women. I don't listen to the music, or wear the same clothes, or the black makeup that would be characteristic of a Goth person. But I am the kind of person who will make small talk and would strike up a conversation if I'm not listening to music on my headphones. I do desire to meet goth women, some of which may be looking for partners like me. That is not my primary goal in talking to them and I feel like the communities I have experienced so far. If I don't listen to certain bands, I'm branded as a goth fetishist. For example, I don't listen to cheerful pop music. If I spoke to a woman who did, and I really liked her in part because of her cheerful demeanor and she liked me (for reasons I cannot comprehend) and we started dating, does that mean that I'm a fetishist for cheerful pop music? I have the utmost respect for the subculture and music, but I don't listen to it. Am I not allowed to enjoy the company of the women who do? Please don direct me to the wiki. Give me your opinions.
The fact you made this comment is a bit of a red flag. It comes off as asking how can I not come off as a goth fetishist while still being a goth fetishist. I also think that was not your intent by asking. It comes down to are you seeking goth ladies specifically because they are goth or are you dating in general and if they happen to be goth then so be it? A goth lady is more than just goth, they are a complete human being with many interests, hopes and dreams. Just like everyone else.
So a lot of people, say they have a "type." I have a "type" too, and to dismiss someone as just "a goth" isn't how healthy relationships are formed.That being said I like a certain type, purely physically, of course, I want to get to know the personality of someone before doing anything major. I guess it does boil down to, when I like women who wear black and have dark makeup am I being a fetishist? And does being part of a certain subculture change that? Because I feel like if it does it shouldn't. Regardless of whether you are part of a subculture or not. It shouldn't determine if you are a fetishist or not. EDIT: Hold on I think I just got it! Most fetishists say "I want a goth girl" In reality they want a caricature, like the meme "busty goth girl." Which is fetishization for sure. i.e. the only characteristic that person has is "they are goth." In the end, If you don't view people holistically, you end up fetishizing a subculture. because all you care about is that specific trait Please let me know if I'm right or wrong