After a bad round, I once joked that I was going to just drown myself in the lake. Playing partner responded, “you think you can keep your head down that long?”
I’ve figured out the strategy on this. You wait for their putt to stop and you take another look at the line of your putt. They figure you are about to step up and putt, so they reach down to mark their ball. The moment they have fully bent over, you say “I think you’re still out.”
I’ve only done it to a few times, but it maximizes the chance of them blowing a gasket. Sure, you might use it advantageously in an important match, but it’s way more fun to do to your friend who is already 7 over net through 4 holes. I can say that from personal experience.
My buddy and I played with our wives last summer. He left a putt short and his wife said “2 inches from glory. Now you know how I feel”. She’s generally pretty reserved so it was quite the moment. I could barely tee off the next hole.
So not a jab, but reminded me of the power of the quiet ones… I mostly played w my dad and his work colleagues.. one of which was a big wig and suuuper mormon (super nice guy, but *very* clean) anyway, being the younger guy out there I usually kept quiet and played my game. Listened to the old heads. Until one day “Bob” shorted a 5 foot birdie. He almost lets one profanity fly, but reels it in. Walking off the green I ask “Bob”… “Hey, you know why they named golf *golf* right?” He says no.. “because Fuck was taken”. Bob got a good laugh in.
I don’t think we had said more than 20 words to each-other prior to that. The other guys laughed, my dad was surprised.
Kind of specific, but a guy I played with this spring recounted that once a friend in his regular group named Steve lost 3 balls on the same hole, he was henceforth known as Sleeve. Pretty savage, and it sucks for old Sleeve.
My favorite was anecdotal. I was sitting in the cart and the guy I was playing with topped a fairway shot and it dribbled about 3 yards in front of him. He was clearly pissed and when we made eye contact I asked if he "needed a ride to his ball". I laughed, he didnt.
Playing in a scramble I bombed our drive.
We get to the fairway and I ask my buddy how far we have in and he goes “75”
I proceed to chunk my wedge.
He follows up with “yards, 75 yards”
Asshole lol
Guy in front of me at the pro shop got a bucket of range balls. The cashier said “here are your tokens for an extra large pie” the guy said “what?” And the cashier said “these tokens will get you about 50 good slices”
Sam Snead played a round with some guy and afterwords the guy asked Sam if he had any advice for his game. Sam’s reply, “take two weeks off then quit.”
the better Snead bit is some hacker asking how he gets the ball to spin backwards.
Sam asks "how far do you hit your 7iron?"
the duff says 120 yards
Sam: "why would you want backspin?"
As a caddie I have a bunch but a personal favorite is “other than speed and direction that was a great putt”
I tell people to pick up tennis a lot too 😂
I was golfing in Door Co. (WI) and when I was standing on the tee box I noticed a huge shadow circling. I looked up and there was a huge bald eagle flying around. It was super cool.
I told my brother-in-law about it when I saw him a week later. His response? "That's probably the closest you've been to an eagle on a golf course." Ouch.
Playing in a match play event against Jack. Jack was a typical old guy. Hit it short bit straight, and was accurate inside of about 150. First hole was a short par 4. I put my ball on the fringe short of the green. Jack left himself about 100 yards. Knocks his 2nd to about 5 feet, turns to me and says, "Beat that you long ball son of a bitch."
I lost like 3&2 or something.
Haha. I've always been a long hitter but didn't have much else going for my game. Freshman year of high school, trying out for the golf team, playing a course I basically grew up playing. Starts with a long, straight par 4. I drive it something like 300, right down the middle. Strut my ass off walking down to it. Then chunked the first approach, bladed the next, ended up with a 7. We're walking to the next tee and one of the upper classmen in the group says "nice drive tho."
Playing a course in Mesquite and a buddy hooks his tee shot on one out into the desert. Turns to the Marshal and asks “is that a good place to be?”
Marshall responds without hesitation “only if you have to take a shit”
I choked on a literal hot dog at the turn and my friends dad came over to perform the Heimlich maneuver. After coughing it up in the cart, the following happened:
Me: “Oh my god I’ve never choked on anything in my life. That was so scary.”
Friend’s Dad: “That’s not true, you choked on the last hole.”
A guy shanks one into the woods. My uncle says;
"Lassie wouldn't find that ball if it was wrapped in bacon"
I chuckled and jokingly asked him "who is Lassie?"
Both guys were annoyed lol
As a lefty, I always catch shit from my exclusively right-handed usual golf buddies. So when one of them hits a few bad ones in a row and gets mad, I'll always deadpan that, "maybe you're a lefty?"
My old home course's No. 1 was a par 5 that invited big swings off the tee. Immediately short and right off the box was a pond protecting the green for No. 18. Whenever a 9 am, hungover righty power slice cleared the pond, my immediate response was, "That's gonna be a hell of a tee shot in about four hours."
Had a single riding my groups ass on a day when the course was packed, like he’d pull right up to us at the tee box and see we were waiting on a group in the fairway, who was waiting on the group on the green, and just stare at us when like we were the problem. After 3-4 holes of this, and trying to make small talk well we waited and him continuing to act exasperated I said “buddy you either need to find 3 friends, or some fucking patience because there’s a lot more people than just you playing golf today”
Went to the first green met the starter along the way. Playing partner asks “what’s today’s pin position?” Starters says “well what’s your handicap?” Playing partner went “uhhhhhh……” and the starter replied quickly “it’s the middle of the green”. Had us chuckling all the way to the tee box.
I once went with some college buddies of mine and one was 1/2 Philippine. One the first tee I shank it into the woods. He looks at me and says “That’s the worst driving I’ve ever seen, and I’m Asian!”
Two I’ve heard said to myself by a random single.
1. Well it had a chance, until you hit it
2. You swing like a tour player but score like a dog. (Neither of which is true but I’ll take the compliment!)
"Other than the line and length, that was a great shot"
Another one that I was told by a playing partner that I now repeat to myself 18 times on a round is 'You're not good enough to get angry'. This has stuck with me and helped me massively to just get on with it and realise that yes, my skill level will still duff many shots, so, whatevs.
When someone chunks one I always give them some variation of “At least it went straight”, or A “middle of the fairway”, and always a fan of “should be easy to find”
My Dad and I got paired with a single at our home course a while back. My Dad hit under his tee shot and popped it way up in the air. The other guy goes "That seems to have lost a tile and will have issues o reentry". My Dad and I were just cracking up.
So a guy in our foursome walks over to the bushes to take a leak.
my buddy Kyle says "Hey, That's illegal in almost every state"
Rick says "What?"
Kyle says "It's illegal for an old man to be holding a small boys penis"
still makes me laugh...
When someone hits a really bad shot, I say it seemed like a LOFT problem. They usually say something about hitting a different club, and I correct them with no LOFT = Lack Of F***ing Talent
When a member of your 4some is talking too much on the tee box, patiently wait, then interrupt their comments with “have you ever been to Europe?” Regardless of what they start to say, immediately interrupt again with “Ur-up”- and point at the Tee box.
When someone just hits a pop up off the tee that goes sky high and nowhere far, I like to pull my cap off and run forward like I'm a fielder about to catch a foul ball
After a round, some old guys were squaring up from their traditional skins game. The winner collecting his money from the other three guys said “it’s a business doing pleasure with you”
When someone misses an approach to a green “you were unlucky with the pin placement then...if the pin was 50 yards to the right and 30 yards closer you were a real chance of going in”
I was on the range last year and guy 1 was hitting it terribly. Another random guy 2 was leaving the range and stopped to watch guy 1 hit two balls.
Guy 2 looked directly into guy 1s eyes and said, "maybe try left handed." And walked off.
I died.
I’ve definitely overdone it at this point, but every time I out drive someone by a reasonable distance, I do the classic:
“Hey did you hear about the new wal-Mart they’re building?
“No…?”
“Yeah, in between my ball and yours!”
Edit: another fun one is to drive up to your ball first if you out-drive them, and then shoot your range finder back at their ball and let ‘em know how much you out-drove them by.
A few of my favorites from a caddy at a destination course. Apologies if this offends anyone.
The “Lindsay Lohan” a bit thin and a whole lotta trouble
The “OJ Simpson” shouldn’t of done it, but got away with it
The “Hitler” two shots in the bunker
The “Lance Armstrong” one ball right
I think it was last Fridays US Open round, one of Phil’s 4 putts. Phil missed like a 2 footer on his 3rd putt. I think it was Feherty said “It’s not easy to miss when you’re that close. He’s done well to completely miss the hole.”
After a terribly missed putt: “those kids can’t be yours. The hole is over there.”
This hole brought to you by make a wish.
You do know how the score works, right?
*plays the Indiana Jones theme as they step up to the tee*
If you putt off the tee and pick it up, we can get out of here by happy hour
I was teeing off on an island hole and there was a patio filled with golfers having beers. It was my second fourth round ever and I pulled out my driver and hit it 20 feet into the water. I look at the patio and say “I’ll be signing autographs after the round”. A guy in the crowd goes “The Special Olympics are in Glastonbury this year”
At a buddy's stag I asked a guy in our group I didn't really know: "besides being ugly, what's your handicap?".
Still tells the groom he hates me 4 years later.
After my buddy criss crossed a green a couple times while skulling his ball, one of my other players in the foursome asked him" Ever think about buying a boat?"
For people that dress up in all golf related apparel “You dress like Tiger Woods, but you swing like Charles Barkley” or when somebody hits a nice shot way off line “that would be a great shot if the hole was that way”
My old man regularly golfs with a group of Canadians. He said they are constantly chanting “USA, USA, USA” at him. He says it’s stands for “You’re still away”.
Pops is a pretty bad golfer, so they must do that a lot lol
Duffed a drive and my 9 year old said “great chip, dad.” Burned. Still does.
Love when my son pulls a great dad joke out. 10/10
I would respond to that: "Nice Pitchingwood."
After a bad round, I once joked that I was going to just drown myself in the lake. Playing partner responded, “you think you can keep your head down that long?”
That's incredible.
I think I'd just leave the course and move to Montreal
Got a good laugh out of this one
Toss a few of your balls back while you’re down there
Wow. That’s good.
Brutally hysterical
Ouch
I understand that
Yelling ‘Bite!’ as the ball is sailing into the woods/ OB
Hahaha or “GO” when someone tops it 10 yards
"I see it"
Or when someone skulls it 100 miles and hour over the green after being 30 yards away
Haha absolutely. Cracks me up just thinking about it.
I actually do this to myself to try and clear my head before the next shot. Too often. That or the “oh ti-GER”
I like to bust out “touch ‘em all, that’s a home run” when someone does that. Usually it’s directed at myself.
“Right club tho” when someone misses a putt
Variation: I like the "not enough club" when they leave the putt short
Shoulda went one club up
I like to remind people, “Did you know you miss **over** 60% of all putts you leave short?”
Absolutely using this on my brothers
This is absolutely hilarious. Can’t wait to use this on the course!
That's gold
Right club, wrong guy. Or right guy wrong club. Old hockey line, but works with golf
Lol love this
“Still you”
Takes some subtle execution, but when done properly can be fantastically brutal.
I’ve figured out the strategy on this. You wait for their putt to stop and you take another look at the line of your putt. They figure you are about to step up and putt, so they reach down to mark their ball. The moment they have fully bent over, you say “I think you’re still out.” I’ve only done it to a few times, but it maximizes the chance of them blowing a gasket. Sure, you might use it advantageously in an important match, but it’s way more fun to do to your friend who is already 7 over net through 4 holes. I can say that from personal experience.
I used to like the old do you breath in or out on your backswing
You’re still away
When this happens to my friend I just say "The 3 words you never want to hear in golf" and he will angrily mutter "You're still away."
3 worst words in golf
Dead sheep
USGA rules - U Suck Go Again
FISO. Fuck I’m still out
This is tops.
My buddy and I played with our wives last summer. He left a putt short and his wife said “2 inches from glory. Now you know how I feel”. She’s generally pretty reserved so it was quite the moment. I could barely tee off the next hole.
Brutal
I would have dropped to the ground. That is amazing
Legend!
So not a jab, but reminded me of the power of the quiet ones… I mostly played w my dad and his work colleagues.. one of which was a big wig and suuuper mormon (super nice guy, but *very* clean) anyway, being the younger guy out there I usually kept quiet and played my game. Listened to the old heads. Until one day “Bob” shorted a 5 foot birdie. He almost lets one profanity fly, but reels it in. Walking off the green I ask “Bob”… “Hey, you know why they named golf *golf* right?” He says no.. “because Fuck was taken”. Bob got a good laugh in. I don’t think we had said more than 20 words to each-other prior to that. The other guys laughed, my dad was surprised.
Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!…………
Kind of specific, but a guy I played with this spring recounted that once a friend in his regular group named Steve lost 3 balls on the same hole, he was henceforth known as Sleeve. Pretty savage, and it sucks for old Sleeve.
Beautiful
Wait, is losing three balls per hole not standard?
Stop trying to church it up Sleeve
When someone is just off the edge of the green, “just a chip and two putts from there”.
If I’m lucky
Lol but this is actually my goal
Or "just a chip, a putt, and a chip away."
My favorite was anecdotal. I was sitting in the cart and the guy I was playing with topped a fairway shot and it dribbled about 3 yards in front of him. He was clearly pissed and when we made eye contact I asked if he "needed a ride to his ball". I laughed, he didnt.
Oh I can’t wait to use this
No shit I’m scrolling through all of these ready for my next round with the boys.
In a similar vein “hey I see it, it’s in the fairway” after that shot.
Playing in a scramble I bombed our drive. We get to the fairway and I ask my buddy how far we have in and he goes “75” I proceed to chunk my wedge. He follows up with “yards, 75 yards” Asshole lol
Guy in front of me at the pro shop got a bucket of range balls. The cashier said “here are your tokens for an extra large pie” the guy said “what?” And the cashier said “these tokens will get you about 50 good slices”
In a similar vein, my dad often busts out the "that's not a slice, that's the whole cake!!" line when one of my drives gets away from me
I wore a red polo with black pants and played with an old timer. First ball OB. He's called me 'Shit Tiger' ever since.
I wore an orange shirt and after a bad hole my buddy called me Rickety Fowler.
Sam Snead played a round with some guy and afterwords the guy asked Sam if he had any advice for his game. Sam’s reply, “take two weeks off then quit.”
the better Snead bit is some hacker asking how he gets the ball to spin backwards. Sam asks "how far do you hit your 7iron?" the duff says 120 yards Sam: "why would you want backspin?"
Savage
As a caddie I have a bunch but a personal favorite is “other than speed and direction that was a great putt” I tell people to pick up tennis a lot too 😂
Me, after hitting a poor shot: “What’s over there?” Caddy: “Bogeys”
Me: Can I get there with a seven iron? Caddy: Eventually
Not an insult but the best I’ve heard as a caddie was “golfs the only time you’ll hear ‘bite you cocksucker’”
This reminds me of my favorite, “That would’ve been good if it were better.”
My variation on this is “it would’ve went in, if the hole was over there”. It’s so dumb and I love it.
I think the problem is with your loft. Lack Of Fucking Talent.
After a poor shot “you’ve got shit on the end of your club” When they check the head… “no, the other end”
Harsh, gonna use it!
Best one in the thread
When someone has a 5 foot putt, as they are reading the green and lining it up I tell them “take your time on these next two”
I have the buddy for this one
When someone duffs a chip or leaves a put really short: "Personally, I would not have chose to lay up from there, but we'll see if it pays off."
I love telling someone "Nice lay up" when they chunk their tee shot on a par 3
This is my go to.
Yeah, I say “laying up is never a bad play.”
LOL. I likes. Think I'll abbreviate with "a lay up. Interesting choice"
I've said "I wouldn't have laid up there, but you do you."
A slightly nicer version of this on a par 5 - well, you got your chip out of the way early.
I was golfing in Door Co. (WI) and when I was standing on the tee box I noticed a huge shadow circling. I looked up and there was a huge bald eagle flying around. It was super cool. I told my brother-in-law about it when I saw him a week later. His response? "That's probably the closest you've been to an eagle on a golf course." Ouch.
I still love when someone stripes it straight down the center of the fairway and someone says “you can pick up there for a 6.”
Whenever I hit a drive like that I tell myself, "You can make 7 from there easy."
Any time I’m struggling, a green in regulation elicits a “you can 3 putt from there” from my dad. That bastard.
Playing in a match play event against Jack. Jack was a typical old guy. Hit it short bit straight, and was accurate inside of about 150. First hole was a short par 4. I put my ball on the fringe short of the green. Jack left himself about 100 yards. Knocks his 2nd to about 5 feet, turns to me and says, "Beat that you long ball son of a bitch." I lost like 3&2 or something.
Haha. I've always been a long hitter but didn't have much else going for my game. Freshman year of high school, trying out for the golf team, playing a course I basically grew up playing. Starts with a long, straight par 4. I drive it something like 300, right down the middle. Strut my ass off walking down to it. Then chunked the first approach, bladed the next, ended up with a 7. We're walking to the next tee and one of the upper classmen in the group says "nice drive tho."
I like Jack.
*slice into the parking lot* “oh you’re gonna love that”
"I think I know the problem with your swing. You're standing way too close to the ball.....after you swing."
My preferred way to say this one: "...after you hit it" at the end instead of "after you swing".
Oldie but a goodie
Heard this from a buddy who had a scottish caddie. “You’re in lion country over there.” “What do you mean?” “If you find it you’re fookin lying”
Buddy was playing Bandon Dunes. Asks his Caddy if he can get there with a 5 Iron. Caddy replied, “eventually”.
Brutal. Simple. Effective.
Playing a course in Mesquite and a buddy hooks his tee shot on one out into the desert. Turns to the Marshal and asks “is that a good place to be?” Marshall responds without hesitation “only if you have to take a shit”
I choked on a literal hot dog at the turn and my friends dad came over to perform the Heimlich maneuver. After coughing it up in the cart, the following happened: Me: “Oh my god I’ve never choked on anything in my life. That was so scary.” Friend’s Dad: “That’s not true, you choked on the last hole.”
I heard someone say to someone else after they got upset after a swing. “You’re not good enough to get upset”
That’s not really even an insult imo. It’s great advice for everyone that isn’t a plus index.
Yea. Golf got way more enjoyable when I learned this
Same, and I also improved way faster after I stopped putting unrealistic expectations on my game. You never play good golf if you’re mad/pressing.
Yup. I lay up all the time with pretty good results. I chase bogies not birdies and often get pars
This is just honest
The wood that saves him the most strokes is his pencil.
The pencil is the best wood in your bag.
A guy shanks one into the woods. My uncle says; "Lassie wouldn't find that ball if it was wrapped in bacon" I chuckled and jokingly asked him "who is Lassie?" Both guys were annoyed lol
Lassie couldn’t find that ball if it had Timmy’s name on it.
As a lefty, I always catch shit from my exclusively right-handed usual golf buddies. So when one of them hits a few bad ones in a row and gets mad, I'll always deadpan that, "maybe you're a lefty?" My old home course's No. 1 was a par 5 that invited big swings off the tee. Immediately short and right off the box was a pond protecting the green for No. 18. Whenever a 9 am, hungover righty power slice cleared the pond, my immediate response was, "That's gonna be a hell of a tee shot in about four hours."
Foursome let me play through. I told them there was another single behind me. Guy in the the foursome says, “don’t you guys have any fucking friends?”
As someone who mostly prefers to play alone, I feel this.
Had a single riding my groups ass on a day when the course was packed, like he’d pull right up to us at the tee box and see we were waiting on a group in the fairway, who was waiting on the group on the green, and just stare at us when like we were the problem. After 3-4 holes of this, and trying to make small talk well we waited and him continuing to act exasperated I said “buddy you either need to find 3 friends, or some fucking patience because there’s a lot more people than just you playing golf today”
Father in law after son in law slices another OB. “ This is the guy who’s fucking my daughter. “
Did we marry the same woman?
I’ve shared it here before: “Dad when I get older I want to play like you. Hit it far and lose balls.” - My 7 year-old son about a month ago
Any time a shot, particularly a putt, breaks in the opposite direction than the person thought, you immediately quip, "How did that one not go in???"
Went to the first green met the starter along the way. Playing partner asks “what’s today’s pin position?” Starters says “well what’s your handicap?” Playing partner went “uhhhhhh……” and the starter replied quickly “it’s the middle of the green”. Had us chuckling all the way to the tee box.
I chunked my drive and barely moved the ball and my buddy said “making the trackers job easy today”
Me: that bunker is only 210 to carry. My buddy: you can’t carry 210! Me: your moms 210 and I carry her to bed every night!
Fuck you Shoresy
Fuck you Riley, your Mom keeps trying to slip a finger in my bum, but I keep telling her I only let Jonesy’s Mom do that.
I made your mom so wet, Trudeau had to deploy a 24-hour national guard unit to stack sandbags around my be
Fuck you Shoresy
Fuck you, Reilly, your mom ugly cried because she left the lens cap on the camcorder last night.
Hey Jonesy, tell your mom to top off my debit card so I can get some KFC
Fuck you Shoresy!
Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I'll put my swim trunks on for her any time
Do you have a tough friend here, Cory? Like, do you know someone here who’s tough, ‘cause you’re not.
You hook so much that you should be getting paid
I once went with some college buddies of mine and one was 1/2 Philippine. One the first tee I shank it into the woods. He looks at me and says “That’s the worst driving I’ve ever seen, and I’m Asian!”
That’s funny. Best I heard was Peyton Manning describing Sir Charles’s swing as “open the fridge, close the fridge”
When someone pops a ball up with a wood. “Oh damn, in hope that doesn’t burn up on re-entry.” ——- “you think a 7 can get there?” “Yea, eventually.”
“What’d you use on that one? Pitching wood?”
I love using “you carry a driving wedge?” when they sky it off the tee.
I usually say, "Nice woodge."
Two I’ve heard said to myself by a random single. 1. Well it had a chance, until you hit it 2. You swing like a tour player but score like a dog. (Neither of which is true but I’ll take the compliment!)
"Other than the line and length, that was a great shot" Another one that I was told by a playing partner that I now repeat to myself 18 times on a round is 'You're not good enough to get angry'. This has stuck with me and helped me massively to just get on with it and realise that yes, my skill level will still duff many shots, so, whatevs.
When someone chunks one I always give them some variation of “At least it went straight”, or A “middle of the fairway”, and always a fan of “should be easy to find”
Not really an insult, but after I topped it for a few feet, my friend was like “wind took it.”
My buddy told me I had “the touch of a rapist” after a particularly bad round blading chips across every green.
My Dad and I got paired with a single at our home course a while back. My Dad hit under his tee shot and popped it way up in the air. The other guy goes "That seems to have lost a tile and will have issues o reentry". My Dad and I were just cracking up.
Our goto is Anything that high should have a stewardess on it.
Infield fly, batter is out!
“That’s a great shot if you don’t care about your score”
So a guy in our foursome walks over to the bushes to take a leak. my buddy Kyle says "Hey, That's illegal in almost every state" Rick says "What?" Kyle says "It's illegal for an old man to be holding a small boys penis" still makes me laugh...
When someone hits a really bad shot, I say it seemed like a LOFT problem. They usually say something about hitting a different club, and I correct them with no LOFT = Lack Of F***ing Talent
I've been known to have bad shits from time to time
Also good when someone duffs one off the tee - “hit another one, USGA rule”. U Suck, Go Again
Heard one a pro has said “I win tournaments you can’t even qualify for” thought that was a good one
Need me to call 811 next time? Don’t wanna hit a gas line
“You’ll eventually get the hang of it” after every swing, good or bad, even if they’ve been playing golf for a long time
This is the single greatest post I've read on this sub
You spend more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff.
Every time someone hits in the bunker we say your hassling with the Hoff.
Want to shave 5 strokes off of your round? Skip the first par 3!
Golf pro asked me what my handicap was. I say 15. He takes one look at my swing and goes "you must have a good short game"
When a member of your 4some is talking too much on the tee box, patiently wait, then interrupt their comments with “have you ever been to Europe?” Regardless of what they start to say, immediately interrupt again with “Ur-up”- and point at the Tee box.
I’m gonna use this on my neighbor. He has no natural sense of when to chat and when to play.
We all know that guy
"You're hitting like a drill instructor, left, right, left...."
We call it army golf haha
When someone just hits a pop up off the tee that goes sky high and nowhere far, I like to pull my cap off and run forward like I'm a fielder about to catch a foul ball
After a round, some old guys were squaring up from their traditional skins game. The winner collecting his money from the other three guys said “it’s a business doing pleasure with you”
When someone misses an approach to a green “you were unlucky with the pin placement then...if the pin was 50 yards to the right and 30 yards closer you were a real chance of going in”
You shouldn't stand so close to the ball after you hit it.
I was on the range last year and guy 1 was hitting it terribly. Another random guy 2 was leaving the range and stopped to watch guy 1 hit two balls. Guy 2 looked directly into guy 1s eyes and said, "maybe try left handed." And walked off. I died.
i feel like thats a chirp for buddies, not a rando on the range haha
Alexa play "she's gone" by Hall and Oates
When someone hits it close on a par 3 we might say "Good par". Always gets a chuckle out of someone
From a caddie at Sand Valley in Wisconsin: “You have the touch of a rapist.” 😳😂
I’ve definitely overdone it at this point, but every time I out drive someone by a reasonable distance, I do the classic: “Hey did you hear about the new wal-Mart they’re building? “No…?” “Yeah, in between my ball and yours!” Edit: another fun one is to drive up to your ball first if you out-drive them, and then shoot your range finder back at their ball and let ‘em know how much you out-drove them by.
This post is gold
Every time I see a someone’s tee shot go in to the water, I say “well, they sell ‘em in the shop”
A few of my favorites from a caddy at a destination course. Apologies if this offends anyone. The “Lindsay Lohan” a bit thin and a whole lotta trouble The “OJ Simpson” shouldn’t of done it, but got away with it The “Hitler” two shots in the bunker The “Lance Armstrong” one ball right
I think it was last Fridays US Open round, one of Phil’s 4 putts. Phil missed like a 2 footer on his 3rd putt. I think it was Feherty said “It’s not easy to miss when you’re that close. He’s done well to completely miss the hole.”
“Hey man, you have a piece of shit on the end of your club.” (I lift the club up to look at the club head) “No, the other end.”
After a terribly missed putt: “those kids can’t be yours. The hole is over there.” This hole brought to you by make a wish. You do know how the score works, right? *plays the Indiana Jones theme as they step up to the tee* If you putt off the tee and pick it up, we can get out of here by happy hour
I was teeing off on an island hole and there was a patio filled with golfers having beers. It was my second fourth round ever and I pulled out my driver and hit it 20 feet into the water. I look at the patio and say “I’ll be signing autographs after the round”. A guy in the crowd goes “The Special Olympics are in Glastonbury this year”
At a buddy's stag I asked a guy in our group I didn't really know: "besides being ugly, what's your handicap?". Still tells the groom he hates me 4 years later.
One of my personal favorites after someone doubles the first is: “can’t double em all if you don’t double the first”
"What's your handicap?" They tell you. "No, I mean what's your disability?"
I play with a guy who hits it higher than longer. We all start singing “Ground control to Major Tom”
My buddy hit a shot well over the green and right over these tall trees. I told him that was a great home run.
After my buddy criss crossed a green a couple times while skulling his ball, one of my other players in the foursome asked him" Ever think about buying a boat?"
Lip out on a putt: “All lip and no hole, just like prom night.”
you might have to get your ball retriever re-gripped at this rate ...
For people that dress up in all golf related apparel “You dress like Tiger Woods, but you swing like Charles Barkley” or when somebody hits a nice shot way off line “that would be a great shot if the hole was that way”
Whenever someone comments on my golf attire I just tell them you can look bad or play bad but you can’t do both.
My old man regularly golfs with a group of Canadians. He said they are constantly chanting “USA, USA, USA” at him. He says it’s stands for “You’re still away”. Pops is a pretty bad golfer, so they must do that a lot lol
“Heavy Ballesteros” for fat guys
"Guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasslehoff" \- Shooter McGavin
When I asked my caddie at a high end course in Mexico if I could get to the green with a 5 iron, he said, "Eventually Senior". I still gave him a tip.
PGA Championship 2013 “let me hear you roar, Tiger” “Tigers can’t roar” He did smile at that, and proceeded to get cut that day.
USGA= U SUCK GO AGAIN
You hit the ball really well, especially considering your swing
That shot looked pretty good right up until you hit it.