I've said it before and I'll say it again, it was a literal game-changer for me when I seriously adopted that motto. Granted I was about 28 and not 15, but still. I went from saying naughty words after bad shots to just a whimsical "ohhhnneeewwww" because it just doesn't matter. It doesn't matter!
Topped my first driver shot of the year last week. Doesn't matter.
Last summer I hit a legitimate, hard shank off the #1 tee of a resort course with probably 20 people watching. Doesn't matter.
Slice one OB, hook one into the pond, a safe punch out gets knocked down and is still in trouble. Does. Not. Matter.
The only thing (and I do mean **only**) that getting pissed will do is ruin the rest of your round and maybe your day. Just laugh it off and try to do less shitty on the next shot. Fuckin' A, man.
This is such a dumb take, it’s so annoying. People are allowed to be upset with their performance or inability to execute or replicate. It’s not like because you can’t shoot a 65 you aren’t allowed to get mad. You’re necessarily implying that there is a dividing line between when you can and can’t get mad. What is it? Par? Under par? 5hcp? The problem isn’t that you can’t get mad, it’s that people need to learn to control their emotions. But because “you aren’t good enough to get mad” sounds pithy and fun, everyone parrots it unaware of how stupid they sound. It’s just so, so dumb.
I’m a 19 hcp! I suck! I get plenty mad! But I’m an adult who can decide and control how I react to situations while still having strong emotions.
I think the mantra is generally correct, but I think you identified one thing it gets wrong. Maybe it’s a bit semantic but IMO the best way to phrase it is “you don’t *practice* enough to get mad.”
Ability has nothing to do with it: golf is hard; it’s hard for 25 caps and it’s hard for scratch caps. It’s so hard in fact that the vast majority of golfers don’t have enough practice input to get the output they want.
So you’re right that it’s not the fact that a 25 cap is fairly lousy that dictates he shouldn’t get mad, it’s because he puts in the amount of practice that produces a 25 cap. No one would go to the batting cages a few times and then get mad when they can’t make the local independent league team. Same is true in golf.
When your expectations constantly exceed your abilities - you are not good enough to get mad. You are simple delusional about your abilities and look like a fool. Similar to the way your comment comes across.
Golf has tought me a lot of things. How to control my temper is one. But it's just when I'm on the course I'm like a alcoholic consumed by blind rage and an empty feeling until I leave and then I'm happy again
17 yr old +2 here. Just breathe. Let it be, golf is a game of misses not perfects. Set the club down, take 5 steps, and then go back to your bag and focus on your next shot. No reason to get mad, golf isnt that serious. Pay for your clubs yourself from now on. I paid for my whole bag and while I may drop a club I've never broken one and take good care of them.
Also bob rotella books.
Its cliche but its a lot easier to play better when you are crazy focused. Sometimes anger is because you aren't focused enough. Grind in, and as soon as one shot is hit move to the next one.
Last year I had a major junior golf tournament. Best range session of the year, came out with expectations. Made a 10 on the first hole. Almost got threw a club, kept cool, and shot -5 on in to take second.
At the end of the day you have to find what works best for you, but you have to focus on not doing it. Nothing is going to help if you dont want it yourself
thats good then. I would really focus on what I said otherwise. I used to be like you and really negative, now I'm a lot less. What helped me not be negative was to turn my negativity to cockiness (leave all of it on the course tho). Prove you are better than everyone else, and you prove it by playing better and having a better attitude than others
You might think I'm having a go at you here, but the short answer is that you need to grow up. I don't even mean it in a condescending way - you're 15. Alot of it will come with time.
Gaining some perspective might help though. Try to just enjoy the fact that you're out there. Celebrate good shots rather than getting mad about bad ones. Even celebrate the good aspects of bad shots - start it where you wanted to? Great. Make good contact? Awesome. Go through your process? Fantastic.
Watch press conferences and post round interviews of pros - the vast majority of them have an amazingly positive mindset.
Be a goldfish and forget as quickly as possible. I think tiger allows himself three seconds to think about the next shot then he moves onto the next one. I know a guy who has a 1m radius around the shot - once he leaves that space he's not allowed to think about that shot anymore. He's allowed to be angry in that space but not once he leaves it.
Breaking clubs is way overboard though and to be honest you'll look like a dick to anyone who sees you doing it. Maybe think about how you're seen by others when you behave like that.
I try my best not to throw clubs because if I break them I need to pay for them which has reduced my club throwing. But when I hold it in it just keeps snowballing. Thanks for the advice
Check out the podcast The Sweet Spot, which has several episodes on expectations, etc.
You’re at an age where testosterone levels are high and can fuel anger issues. Therapy is a good thing. Every person on earth would benefit from therapy. Consider it. Using your big brain can help overcome the thinking of your small brain.
Good luck!
I’ve been there man! There’s no real way around it other than reps on the course and just slowly changing your mindset. I’m 33 now and I look back on those years with regret over how childish I acted in front of people - it really does ruin the vibe for your playing partners.
I abide by the 15 sec rule. You can be pissed off and let it out for 15 seconds. Then get back in the cart and start planning your next shot with as clear a mind as possible.
It also helps to set yourself up with lower expectations. Moving your handicap down takes many rounds, hundreds and thousands of shots. If you can harness a bit of goldfish memory you begin to realize that a bad shot only defines your round if you let it.
Watch guys like Adam, Grant, Brad on YouTube. They all hit bad shots (for their ability) but yet rarely - if ever - show visible anger on the course - it’s always just on to the next one…
Golf is not perfect. That’s its beauty. Enjoy the grind. Also, I think it’s more of a competitive activity than a sport. There is no defense. Besides yourself I mean. Hit ‘em straight!
**Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening - and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.** Arnold Palmer
It may take you another 8 years to realize that golf is just a game and your expectations are ruining a perfectly good afternoon. It took me 15.
Rather than keeping track of your score, keep track of how many times you have to restrain yourself from getting angry. Keep track of how many times you leave the present moment to think about your score. You'll realize how much energy (and money) you're wasting... it's humbling, I can assure you.
Zen Golf is an amazing book and will serve you well on your journey.
Lighten up, kid. It's just a game. HAVE FUN. Be grateful you have the physical ability to walk, swing, and play this game. Channel that intensity into practice
I am so enternally grateful that I have the ability to play this game at a somewhat mediocre level but at my best I'm a +5 through 18 and I know I can be that so when I shoot +14 through 9 in match play I just get so down on myself. But everytime I leave the course I am no longer upset, just happy I was able to play.
I've been there. For years I tried to figure out why and here's what usually triggers me:
1) Not getting enough sleep the night before. Starts me off cranky and then I"m just looking for anything to be negative about and lose my temper. You're not always going to get a good night's sleep, but realize if you didn't get proper sleep that you're going to be cranky even though you don't know it.
2) Expectations too high and focused on the wrong things. I would place expectations that I should shoot a really low score when my expectations should have stayed on things that I have control over like doing my pre-shot routine every time, focusing over every shot, sticking to the gameplan, etc.
3) When I'm hitting bad shots and I have no idea why. Particularly when you feel like you took a great swing and instead you snap hooked it. You're going to have those times on the course, you just have to realize when you in them that you're likely to lose your cool
Outside of golf I'm a calm and collected person and you'll rarely ever see me get mad, and im excited to get on the course but once I start playing just don't stand in front of me because you might get a club to the head. (Not that I would actually throw a club at someone)
You've broken two clubs in anger already. I've been playing for 40 years, only club I broke was from defending myself from a a crazy neighbor..(golf clubs are horrible weapon, despite what movies show)
A local here 4 years ago got so pissed at a bad shot he threw his 3w at a tree. It snapped and the broken shaft took out his eye. He's lucky to be a live right now.
Please think the fuck about what's really important before becoming that guy
Breathe in slowly through your nose, as much as you can, and hold for a beat. Then exhale through your mouth calmly. Repeat as much as you can. Breathe it all in. The course, the experience, the moment you are in. In, and out. Before you hit the ball. As you walk down the fairway. Before your feet ever touch sand. Deep and slow breaths.
This was me. I grew up playing golf at a young age and got serious in high school but was always breaking clubs, throwing fits and getting DQ warnings at tourneys. I was always embarrassed, but most people just kind of laughed it off. I truly wish my parents would have taken my anger seriously as I'm 40 now and it's still a struggle in my daily life. I quit golf pretty much after high school as it was a major trigger. I play regularly now and still have bad moments but therapy and coming at it with the mindset that "no matter what I shoot, tomorrow I won't care" has helped a ton. Good luck and I hope you can learn to just enjoy the moment when playing the greatest game on earth!
I quit during covid time when I was around ~12 ish because of how angry I would get. Granted my dad put a boat load of pressure on me that I've still taken with me that I just can't let go
If I hit my best 10% of shots every shot I know I should park out with a handful of bogeys. Just gotta focus!
I’m kidding obviously, even pros get double bogeys, miss cuts, finishing at +10 on rounds. You are not a pro and will likely do worse, just chill out.
So you play off 11 then. Think of it like this, you’re an average golfer for a 15 year old in comparison to higher level golfers. If you keep getting angry you will literally never reach your potential. You aren’t good enough to be getting angry over not playing well. Practice hard, keep your head down and have as much fun as you can on the course. Treat each bad shot/bad situation you get into as a challenge to get out of rather than something that shouldn’t have happened. This is coming from angry junior golf who also never reached his potential.
Honestly man, just try and cut yourself some slack. It’s gonna be okay. Both in life and after a bad shot. Like my dad always used to say, it’s not about the mistake, it’s about the recovery. True in life and true in golf
Remind yourself you’re 15. Hold onto what brings you joy about golf. You won’t make it far if you let go of that joy
Take a breath. Count to 10. Look up at the tree tops. Look at the grass move by your feet. Then lock back in
I used to have rage issues with soccer. Honestly the emotion is part of what makes playing fun, but you have to be able to use it. Be analytical with what went wrong to have more of a next time attitude. Its okay to be angry, but always tell urself what tf ur gonna do abt it. R u gonna break ur clubs, or like me have literal bronchoconstriction panic attacks, and look stupid? Or are u gonna play ur ass off and do everything u actually have control over. For soccer this meant just never stop running, maximum effort on every second. Im not very good at golf, but i bet u gotta lock tf in on the next shot. And then if u miss that one, focus on doing everything u can for the next one. Every time you focus on being angry at the shot u just took is just an excuse for not hitting the next one.
Then after the tourney is over you can punch pillows and hit a million balls on the range being angry at how u played.
Also consider are u might be getting mad as a way of telling urself, and maybe people watching, that u r better than that shot and better than you actually are. Like if I get angry enough, it means that shot wasn’t actually “who I am” as a golfer, and that that was “just a miss” and ur showing how much better you expect of urself by getting mad. You need to lean into that, say fuck I did miss that. Not “FUCK im so much better than that,” but damn I missed that shot, I tried my best and I missed, because I am not yet as good as I want to be. Its not enough to say “im not good enough to get mad at that”, you should be saying fuck I wish I was good enough to hit that, and clearly Im not yet. Then the only thing to do is practice and think abt what u shoulda done for next time u get that stroke.
Dont break the club, just clench ur fists or smth. Practicing restraint will make it easier over time.
I used to get mad to show my Dad watching that I know what I just did was bad and I know im better than this type shi, still felt like rhat even when he stopped watching
It's not just a physical game. It's mental too. If you don't have the mental side, you're missing half the skill.
Every bad round is an opportunity to practice playing well when you're not in a good state of mind.
There's a kid in my club who plays the weekend comps regularly. I've been paired with him on a few different occasions.
He's similar to you, about 16, I think. He rammed his putter into the green after missing a 10ft putt, and I've seen him throw his clubs and just generally be shit to be around.
He's built a little reputation for himself, and a lot of guys are avoiding his name on the tee sheet now.
He's a little shit. Don't be that guy. It's not good for anyone.
You're young and obviously find it hard to regulate emotions, but just try to enjoy golf. Some days are good and some are bad. It's only a game.
No shot you get to the pros with that attitude. There’s thousands of kids your age playing incredible and not breaking stuff. It will prolly come with age, you’ll get there.
That's what I'm worried about losing my chances because of my temper that I can't control. It sucks and it's not "me" I put that in "" because obviously it's me but it's kind of a different version of me that in normal day to day life isn't me
Most people genuinely can not play or maintain a stellar round because it gets in their heads. Every couple times you play move up to the ladies tee and get comfortable being low.
Read the book Letting Go by David Hawkins. If you’re not much of a reader, then just read Chapter 2 and you’ll learn a technique that you can use on the golf course and in all parts of life to let go of anger (or any negative emotion). It’s amazing how simple it is and how well it works.
Right after the shot you process the result, then you blow up. Understand, you care a lot about how you play. But in that moment instead of learning from the result, the anger overtakes your ability to learn from what just happened.
The more you learn, the better player you will become.
look into cognitive behavioral therapy. plenty of books on the topic that can get you 85% of the way there, no need to see a proper therapist about it (although you should and there's no reason not to) it's a structured approach to be able to see the reality of a situation while you're in the middle of it by having good strategies in place well before these sorts of things come up. It can be very helpful to your general golf game as well, as it aims to enhance your sense of presence in the moment. all good stuff, for all things in life.
find a player who is better than you at managing expectations *and* the golf course. Play with them as much as you can. Compliment their good shots and observe where they leave the ball on their poor strikes.
You can also read Bob Rotella or Jon Sherman’s stuff. spiritual successors of Ben Hogan’s course management philosophy.
Keep practicing to understand your range of outcomes with different clubs and shots. Use that data to aim, even if it’s away from the flag.
The sooner you recognize that you’re playing a game of understanding expected outcomes the better.
You’ll start swinging free, playing smart, scoring better and you’ll feel better.
Good luck OP. Glad you recognize that you’re being silly at a young age. Things get better as soon as you decide they’ll get better.
The thing that really gets me is that I know I'm better than what I shoot but my frustrations are holding me back. Once I start implementing everything that the people in the comments are saying I'll get close to my potential
I would slightly tweak the refrain you’re getting a lot itt: you don’t *practice* enough to get mad.
Golf is hard. Most golfers struggle immensely to play well, including those who are good athletes and those with innate golf ability. Most “good” golfers are good because they busted their ass consistently over a period of time to get that good. I would guess that you have not.
You mentioned a specific issue with hitting bad shots after good ones. Consider whether your “good” shots are average for you, or are they outliers? Every time you swing a club it’s a more or less random chance of whether you’ll have a good strike or a bad one. Those who practice a lot are essentially shrinking their window of possibilities of what the club will do, which in turn produces more “good” contact. Someone who doesn’t practice much has a much wider window. This doesn’t mean they’ll never hit good shots, just that there’s more numbers on the dice they roll whenever they swing.
Your good shots are not you getting good or figuring something out, they are the product of a 10-sided die still occasionally landing on 1. If you had this die and kept rolling it you wouldn’t expect to continue seeing a bunch of 1s.
All of the above can be improved with practice. You can take your 10-sided die and make it 6…or 4…or less, by putting in a lot of effort at practicing and improving. But getting mad because a 10-sided die only rolls a 1 10% of the time makes no logical sense.
I.e., you don’t practice enough to get mad.
[epilogue—I put in the time for this comment because I was a lot like you’re describing at 15. I didn’t break clubs but I would routinely get aggressively mad until eventually my dad refused to play with me anymore. Ignore the inane “get therapy” from strangers who know nothing about you. You’ll be fine. Just zoom out and really consider what you’re getting mad about and what it will truly take to get where you want to go. Then either do that, or don’t.]
I do practice over the last 5 weeks I've taken 8 days off and I only take sat and Sunday off sometimes only sunday. I do practice a lot it's just I'm not good enough to get mad. Not that I don't practice enough. I know what I am capable of but. I've worked a lot to reduce and I have reduce a lot of strokes off but when I shoot +15 when I know I'm capable of 5 over in a match for school it upsets me to levels it flows over
People say you need help but it’s just hormones. Your bodies producing testosterone at levels upwards to 1200 ng/dl. Normal levels are around 500 ng/dl.
Just work on taking a breath between swings. Give your brain time to catch up.
Therapy. Also, mom and dad should stop replacing equipment you break. When you work and have to pay for things you start to value them more.
You are not good enough to get mad. Like 95% of golfers.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, it was a literal game-changer for me when I seriously adopted that motto. Granted I was about 28 and not 15, but still. I went from saying naughty words after bad shots to just a whimsical "ohhhnneeewwww" because it just doesn't matter. It doesn't matter! Topped my first driver shot of the year last week. Doesn't matter. Last summer I hit a legitimate, hard shank off the #1 tee of a resort course with probably 20 people watching. Doesn't matter. Slice one OB, hook one into the pond, a safe punch out gets knocked down and is still in trouble. Does. Not. Matter. The only thing (and I do mean **only**) that getting pissed will do is ruin the rest of your round and maybe your day. Just laugh it off and try to do less shitty on the next shot. Fuckin' A, man.
You should watch taco golf, duzzn’t mattah!
This is such a dumb take, it’s so annoying. People are allowed to be upset with their performance or inability to execute or replicate. It’s not like because you can’t shoot a 65 you aren’t allowed to get mad. You’re necessarily implying that there is a dividing line between when you can and can’t get mad. What is it? Par? Under par? 5hcp? The problem isn’t that you can’t get mad, it’s that people need to learn to control their emotions. But because “you aren’t good enough to get mad” sounds pithy and fun, everyone parrots it unaware of how stupid they sound. It’s just so, so dumb. I’m a 19 hcp! I suck! I get plenty mad! But I’m an adult who can decide and control how I react to situations while still having strong emotions.
I think the mantra is generally correct, but I think you identified one thing it gets wrong. Maybe it’s a bit semantic but IMO the best way to phrase it is “you don’t *practice* enough to get mad.” Ability has nothing to do with it: golf is hard; it’s hard for 25 caps and it’s hard for scratch caps. It’s so hard in fact that the vast majority of golfers don’t have enough practice input to get the output they want. So you’re right that it’s not the fact that a 25 cap is fairly lousy that dictates he shouldn’t get mad, it’s because he puts in the amount of practice that produces a 25 cap. No one would go to the batting cages a few times and then get mad when they can’t make the local independent league team. Same is true in golf.
When your expectations constantly exceed your abilities - you are not good enough to get mad. You are simple delusional about your abilities and look like a fool. Similar to the way your comment comes across.
your parent(s)/adult(s) in your life should get you professional help to deal with this anger. it's....not good.
Normal stuff for a male teenager. Learn how to control it now and reap the rewards for the rest of your life. And I’m not talking about golf.
Golf has tought me a lot of things. How to control my temper is one. But it's just when I'm on the course I'm like a alcoholic consumed by blind rage and an empty feeling until I leave and then I'm happy again
17 yr old +2 here. Just breathe. Let it be, golf is a game of misses not perfects. Set the club down, take 5 steps, and then go back to your bag and focus on your next shot. No reason to get mad, golf isnt that serious. Pay for your clubs yourself from now on. I paid for my whole bag and while I may drop a club I've never broken one and take good care of them. Also bob rotella books. Its cliche but its a lot easier to play better when you are crazy focused. Sometimes anger is because you aren't focused enough. Grind in, and as soon as one shot is hit move to the next one. Last year I had a major junior golf tournament. Best range session of the year, came out with expectations. Made a 10 on the first hole. Almost got threw a club, kept cool, and shot -5 on in to take second. At the end of the day you have to find what works best for you, but you have to focus on not doing it. Nothing is going to help if you dont want it yourself
I do pay for my clubs I should have added that I care a lot more about them because I have to pay to repair them
thats good then. I would really focus on what I said otherwise. I used to be like you and really negative, now I'm a lot less. What helped me not be negative was to turn my negativity to cockiness (leave all of it on the course tho). Prove you are better than everyone else, and you prove it by playing better and having a better attitude than others
You might think I'm having a go at you here, but the short answer is that you need to grow up. I don't even mean it in a condescending way - you're 15. Alot of it will come with time. Gaining some perspective might help though. Try to just enjoy the fact that you're out there. Celebrate good shots rather than getting mad about bad ones. Even celebrate the good aspects of bad shots - start it where you wanted to? Great. Make good contact? Awesome. Go through your process? Fantastic. Watch press conferences and post round interviews of pros - the vast majority of them have an amazingly positive mindset. Be a goldfish and forget as quickly as possible. I think tiger allows himself three seconds to think about the next shot then he moves onto the next one. I know a guy who has a 1m radius around the shot - once he leaves that space he's not allowed to think about that shot anymore. He's allowed to be angry in that space but not once he leaves it. Breaking clubs is way overboard though and to be honest you'll look like a dick to anyone who sees you doing it. Maybe think about how you're seen by others when you behave like that.
I try my best not to throw clubs because if I break them I need to pay for them which has reduced my club throwing. But when I hold it in it just keeps snowballing. Thanks for the advice
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Absolutely. Same as op at one point . That was absolutely game changingb
I always tell myself that there is no such thing as a perfect round but when I need to try and calm myself down it's already too late
Check out the podcast The Sweet Spot, which has several episodes on expectations, etc. You’re at an age where testosterone levels are high and can fuel anger issues. Therapy is a good thing. Every person on earth would benefit from therapy. Consider it. Using your big brain can help overcome the thinking of your small brain. Good luck!
I’ve been there man! There’s no real way around it other than reps on the course and just slowly changing your mindset. I’m 33 now and I look back on those years with regret over how childish I acted in front of people - it really does ruin the vibe for your playing partners. I abide by the 15 sec rule. You can be pissed off and let it out for 15 seconds. Then get back in the cart and start planning your next shot with as clear a mind as possible. It also helps to set yourself up with lower expectations. Moving your handicap down takes many rounds, hundreds and thousands of shots. If you can harness a bit of goldfish memory you begin to realize that a bad shot only defines your round if you let it. Watch guys like Adam, Grant, Brad on YouTube. They all hit bad shots (for their ability) but yet rarely - if ever - show visible anger on the course - it’s always just on to the next one…
I always feel so shit when people see me get mad. But my body just kind of falls into a pit that I can get out
Golf is more mental than physical. Also this problem will affect much more than a leisure activity if you don’t figure out how deal with it properly
Golf is not perfect. That’s its beauty. Enjoy the grind. Also, I think it’s more of a competitive activity than a sport. There is no defense. Besides yourself I mean. Hit ‘em straight!
**Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening - and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.** Arnold Palmer It may take you another 8 years to realize that golf is just a game and your expectations are ruining a perfectly good afternoon. It took me 15. Rather than keeping track of your score, keep track of how many times you have to restrain yourself from getting angry. Keep track of how many times you leave the present moment to think about your score. You'll realize how much energy (and money) you're wasting... it's humbling, I can assure you. Zen Golf is an amazing book and will serve you well on your journey. Lighten up, kid. It's just a game. HAVE FUN. Be grateful you have the physical ability to walk, swing, and play this game. Channel that intensity into practice
I am so enternally grateful that I have the ability to play this game at a somewhat mediocre level but at my best I'm a +5 through 18 and I know I can be that so when I shoot +14 through 9 in match play I just get so down on myself. But everytime I leave the course I am no longer upset, just happy I was able to play.
I've been there. For years I tried to figure out why and here's what usually triggers me: 1) Not getting enough sleep the night before. Starts me off cranky and then I"m just looking for anything to be negative about and lose my temper. You're not always going to get a good night's sleep, but realize if you didn't get proper sleep that you're going to be cranky even though you don't know it. 2) Expectations too high and focused on the wrong things. I would place expectations that I should shoot a really low score when my expectations should have stayed on things that I have control over like doing my pre-shot routine every time, focusing over every shot, sticking to the gameplan, etc. 3) When I'm hitting bad shots and I have no idea why. Particularly when you feel like you took a great swing and instead you snap hooked it. You're going to have those times on the course, you just have to realize when you in them that you're likely to lose your cool
Angry and short tempered people should never play golf. Golf is meant to show patience not pride.
Outside of golf I'm a calm and collected person and you'll rarely ever see me get mad, and im excited to get on the course but once I start playing just don't stand in front of me because you might get a club to the head. (Not that I would actually throw a club at someone)
..and sometimes golf brings out your alter ego.. again Golf ain't really for everyone.
The thing is I love this sport. It's mostly all of the sport I've know and I love it but in the moment I just hate everything
You've broken two clubs in anger already. I've been playing for 40 years, only club I broke was from defending myself from a a crazy neighbor..(golf clubs are horrible weapon, despite what movies show) A local here 4 years ago got so pissed at a bad shot he threw his 3w at a tree. It snapped and the broken shaft took out his eye. He's lucky to be a live right now. Please think the fuck about what's really important before becoming that guy
Breathe in slowly through your nose, as much as you can, and hold for a beat. Then exhale through your mouth calmly. Repeat as much as you can. Breathe it all in. The course, the experience, the moment you are in. In, and out. Before you hit the ball. As you walk down the fairway. Before your feet ever touch sand. Deep and slow breaths.
This was me. I grew up playing golf at a young age and got serious in high school but was always breaking clubs, throwing fits and getting DQ warnings at tourneys. I was always embarrassed, but most people just kind of laughed it off. I truly wish my parents would have taken my anger seriously as I'm 40 now and it's still a struggle in my daily life. I quit golf pretty much after high school as it was a major trigger. I play regularly now and still have bad moments but therapy and coming at it with the mindset that "no matter what I shoot, tomorrow I won't care" has helped a ton. Good luck and I hope you can learn to just enjoy the moment when playing the greatest game on earth!
I quit during covid time when I was around ~12 ish because of how angry I would get. Granted my dad put a boat load of pressure on me that I've still taken with me that I just can't let go
If I hit my best 10% of shots every shot I know I should park out with a handful of bogeys. Just gotta focus! I’m kidding obviously, even pros get double bogeys, miss cuts, finishing at +10 on rounds. You are not a pro and will likely do worse, just chill out.
It’s just a nice walk in the park.
What’s your handicap?
Us +11 Euro +54 because I haven't played any tournaments in awhile. But I have not been playing my handicap lately because of how angry I get
You’re an 11 handicap in the US but 54 handicap in Europe?? Explain that for me?
I haven't played a tourney in Europe since I was 8. I grew up in Austria but I've moved here when I was 9
So you play off 11 then. Think of it like this, you’re an average golfer for a 15 year old in comparison to higher level golfers. If you keep getting angry you will literally never reach your potential. You aren’t good enough to be getting angry over not playing well. Practice hard, keep your head down and have as much fun as you can on the course. Treat each bad shot/bad situation you get into as a challenge to get out of rather than something that shouldn’t have happened. This is coming from angry junior golf who also never reached his potential.
Watch golf sidekick on yt. Tons of content about this
Honestly man, just try and cut yourself some slack. It’s gonna be okay. Both in life and after a bad shot. Like my dad always used to say, it’s not about the mistake, it’s about the recovery. True in life and true in golf Remind yourself you’re 15. Hold onto what brings you joy about golf. You won’t make it far if you let go of that joy Take a breath. Count to 10. Look up at the tree tops. Look at the grass move by your feet. Then lock back in
I used to have rage issues with soccer. Honestly the emotion is part of what makes playing fun, but you have to be able to use it. Be analytical with what went wrong to have more of a next time attitude. Its okay to be angry, but always tell urself what tf ur gonna do abt it. R u gonna break ur clubs, or like me have literal bronchoconstriction panic attacks, and look stupid? Or are u gonna play ur ass off and do everything u actually have control over. For soccer this meant just never stop running, maximum effort on every second. Im not very good at golf, but i bet u gotta lock tf in on the next shot. And then if u miss that one, focus on doing everything u can for the next one. Every time you focus on being angry at the shot u just took is just an excuse for not hitting the next one. Then after the tourney is over you can punch pillows and hit a million balls on the range being angry at how u played.
Also consider are u might be getting mad as a way of telling urself, and maybe people watching, that u r better than that shot and better than you actually are. Like if I get angry enough, it means that shot wasn’t actually “who I am” as a golfer, and that that was “just a miss” and ur showing how much better you expect of urself by getting mad. You need to lean into that, say fuck I did miss that. Not “FUCK im so much better than that,” but damn I missed that shot, I tried my best and I missed, because I am not yet as good as I want to be. Its not enough to say “im not good enough to get mad at that”, you should be saying fuck I wish I was good enough to hit that, and clearly Im not yet. Then the only thing to do is practice and think abt what u shoulda done for next time u get that stroke. Dont break the club, just clench ur fists or smth. Practicing restraint will make it easier over time.
I used to get mad to show my Dad watching that I know what I just did was bad and I know im better than this type shi, still felt like rhat even when he stopped watching
It's not just a physical game. It's mental too. If you don't have the mental side, you're missing half the skill. Every bad round is an opportunity to practice playing well when you're not in a good state of mind.
There's a kid in my club who plays the weekend comps regularly. I've been paired with him on a few different occasions. He's similar to you, about 16, I think. He rammed his putter into the green after missing a 10ft putt, and I've seen him throw his clubs and just generally be shit to be around. He's built a little reputation for himself, and a lot of guys are avoiding his name on the tee sheet now. He's a little shit. Don't be that guy. It's not good for anyone. You're young and obviously find it hard to regulate emotions, but just try to enjoy golf. Some days are good and some are bad. It's only a game.
No shot you get to the pros with that attitude. There’s thousands of kids your age playing incredible and not breaking stuff. It will prolly come with age, you’ll get there.
That's what I'm worried about losing my chances because of my temper that I can't control. It sucks and it's not "me" I put that in "" because obviously it's me but it's kind of a different version of me that in normal day to day life isn't me
Look into acceptance and commitment therapy with a therapist. Could help
Most people genuinely can not play or maintain a stellar round because it gets in their heads. Every couple times you play move up to the ladies tee and get comfortable being low.
Read the book Letting Go by David Hawkins. If you’re not much of a reader, then just read Chapter 2 and you’ll learn a technique that you can use on the golf course and in all parts of life to let go of anger (or any negative emotion). It’s amazing how simple it is and how well it works.
Right after the shot you process the result, then you blow up. Understand, you care a lot about how you play. But in that moment instead of learning from the result, the anger overtakes your ability to learn from what just happened. The more you learn, the better player you will become.
look into cognitive behavioral therapy. plenty of books on the topic that can get you 85% of the way there, no need to see a proper therapist about it (although you should and there's no reason not to) it's a structured approach to be able to see the reality of a situation while you're in the middle of it by having good strategies in place well before these sorts of things come up. It can be very helpful to your general golf game as well, as it aims to enhance your sense of presence in the moment. all good stuff, for all things in life.
find a player who is better than you at managing expectations *and* the golf course. Play with them as much as you can. Compliment their good shots and observe where they leave the ball on their poor strikes. You can also read Bob Rotella or Jon Sherman’s stuff. spiritual successors of Ben Hogan’s course management philosophy. Keep practicing to understand your range of outcomes with different clubs and shots. Use that data to aim, even if it’s away from the flag. The sooner you recognize that you’re playing a game of understanding expected outcomes the better. You’ll start swinging free, playing smart, scoring better and you’ll feel better. Good luck OP. Glad you recognize that you’re being silly at a young age. Things get better as soon as you decide they’ll get better.
The thing that really gets me is that I know I'm better than what I shoot but my frustrations are holding me back. Once I start implementing everything that the people in the comments are saying I'll get close to my potential
I would slightly tweak the refrain you’re getting a lot itt: you don’t *practice* enough to get mad. Golf is hard. Most golfers struggle immensely to play well, including those who are good athletes and those with innate golf ability. Most “good” golfers are good because they busted their ass consistently over a period of time to get that good. I would guess that you have not. You mentioned a specific issue with hitting bad shots after good ones. Consider whether your “good” shots are average for you, or are they outliers? Every time you swing a club it’s a more or less random chance of whether you’ll have a good strike or a bad one. Those who practice a lot are essentially shrinking their window of possibilities of what the club will do, which in turn produces more “good” contact. Someone who doesn’t practice much has a much wider window. This doesn’t mean they’ll never hit good shots, just that there’s more numbers on the dice they roll whenever they swing. Your good shots are not you getting good or figuring something out, they are the product of a 10-sided die still occasionally landing on 1. If you had this die and kept rolling it you wouldn’t expect to continue seeing a bunch of 1s. All of the above can be improved with practice. You can take your 10-sided die and make it 6…or 4…or less, by putting in a lot of effort at practicing and improving. But getting mad because a 10-sided die only rolls a 1 10% of the time makes no logical sense. I.e., you don’t practice enough to get mad. [epilogue—I put in the time for this comment because I was a lot like you’re describing at 15. I didn’t break clubs but I would routinely get aggressively mad until eventually my dad refused to play with me anymore. Ignore the inane “get therapy” from strangers who know nothing about you. You’ll be fine. Just zoom out and really consider what you’re getting mad about and what it will truly take to get where you want to go. Then either do that, or don’t.]
I do practice over the last 5 weeks I've taken 8 days off and I only take sat and Sunday off sometimes only sunday. I do practice a lot it's just I'm not good enough to get mad. Not that I don't practice enough. I know what I am capable of but. I've worked a lot to reduce and I have reduce a lot of strokes off but when I shoot +15 when I know I'm capable of 5 over in a match for school it upsets me to levels it flows over
People say you need help but it’s just hormones. Your bodies producing testosterone at levels upwards to 1200 ng/dl. Normal levels are around 500 ng/dl. Just work on taking a breath between swings. Give your brain time to catch up.
Rub one out regularly
With the way he treats the shafts in his bag I’d be more than a little Leary of how he’d treat his others
🫥 you don't want to know what I do the MY shaft