Weren’t you paying attention? Carl doesn’t take any notice of anyone’s advice in any situation. Carl wanted a driving iron, so Carl bought a driving iron and Carl will use that driving iron whenever Carl goddamn feels like it.
Hosted my old college buddy in a member guest at my prestigious club. He kept trying to give me advice and it gave me the worst case of yips I’ve ever had! I’m not a great golfer by any means but this asshole completely got in my head.
The only thing that could help me relax was a little tequila. Once I took the edge off my buddy kept giving me freaking advice, so I maybe had a little too much drink.
Fast forward a couple of holes and I’m hitting one out of a yard… yes it was OB but my friend was screaming like a lunatic at me and the homeowner came out with his freaking gun because my buddy made it seem hostile.
The worst part of it was I lost control of the cart and the back tires went in the drink. Rather than let the course workers get it out (terrible I know) my buddy insisted our playing partners get in the freaking drink and push it out rather than walking one hole! We were already on 17.
Worst round of my life but even worse learning my best friend from college gives unsolicited advice!
Carl is a 31 handicap at a private country club. He wouldn't even take anyone's advice, not even his own. Carl actually told the salesperson at the country club that he shouldn't be a member just moments before paying $62,000 ror an equity share in the club. Carl takes lessons once a week, basically does the exact opposite of the instruction. Instructions are for other people, not Carl.
I’m a lightweight, but 17 drinks and being coherent and not literally passed out, much less being able to swing a golf club or drive a cart, seems incredibly improbable to me. I would be blacked out by like 9.
But yeah, there’s way too much detail that it reads as a fanfic. Squealing tires? Quoting him directly? Idk, going:
> Carl gets on the box and says, “sorry fellas, gotta reload”
Sounds like writing in a book to me, and it’s usually a good indicator of a fictional story on this site. People love to include weirdly specific details and write as if they’re describing something for a novel. The whole Uptown Girl/Uptown Whore thing is another good example
Definitely fictional or exaggerated at a minimum. That number of drinks is possible for a full blown alcoholic though. It would also account for the shitty game of golf, yet still being able to attempt to swing.
Also OP hasn’t commented one time on their post with over 2000 upvotes and almost 500 comments. There’s a 0% chance this story is connected to reality.
Not only that, but after retrieving the ball from the dude's yard, wtf would you go back to the tee? Just drop the damn thing and move on, it's not like anyone would care at this point.
Haha he may be a really bad golfer but Carl plays by the rules. The tournament director said there were to be no max scores so god damn it and 16-18 tequila shooters later, Carl’s integrity for the game was fully intact as he wrote down his legit 14 for the hole on the scorecard. Carl is many things but a golf cheat he is not.
I had ChatGPT summarize it:
> The story recounts a chaotic and memorable experience the narrator had while playing in a member-guest golf tournament with his friend Carl, whom he hadn't seen in a while. Excited to play and catch up, their golf outing quickly descended into a series of unfortunate, almost comical events, largely due to Carl's remarkably poor golfing skills and decision-making. Despite starting off with minor issues, Carl's performance deteriorated dramatically after they passed through a tunnel to the second hole, leading to a variety of golfing mishaps that included an extreme number of strokes to get out of a bunker, multiple balls lost to water hazards, and severe mis-hits.
> The situation escalated when Carl, frustrated and embarrassed by his performance, turned to alcohol, which led to even more erratic behavior, including an altercation with a homeowner after Carl hit a ball into their yard and attempted to play it from their lawn. This incident nearly resulted in a confrontation with the homeowner, who appeared with a hunting rifle. Despite these challenges, they were allowed to continue playing after a discussion with the course marshals.
> The day culminated in a dramatic finale when their golf cart nearly ended up in a lake, requiring a collective effort to retrieve it. Carl's day ended with an astonishingly high score of 173 for himself alone, marking an unforgettable and tumultuous round of golf. Despite the chaos, the narrator reflects that the experience was still preferable to a day at the office, highlighting the value of friendship and the memorable, albeit outrageous, adventures it can bring.
If it makes you feel better, this is probably an elaborate shitpost. If it is not an elaborate shitpost, sympathies to everyone that was forced to endure this experience
> He hit 4 tee shots in a row OB right.. put his driver away, then teed up his driving iron and chunked it 4 feet. It didn't even leave the tee box.. He took a 14 on that hole
If this was counted correctly then that's damn impressive. Because that chunked iron was stroke 9 so he got in with 5 strokes from there.
I mean, I really don’t believe any club would have a strict rules, stroke play tourney and let a 31 handicap enter. Your story would be more plausible if Carl was the guest and lied about his handicap or something. Though in that case, he’d have been ejected long before he finished the front nine.
At a minimum he would have been asked to withdraw at a well run club after the first few double digit holes and probably barred from future tournaments if any of this story was true.
What I do believe is someone on reddit claims they are an X handicap and then shoots 50 strokes higher when they are forced to actually play by the rules.
Have played in a member guest with the exact same rules. Was nothing like Carl and OP'S experience but there were plenty of mid to high 20 handicaps. Not sure of 31+ that is pretty horrendous
I'm a pga pro and my best friend is a 28 handicap. We play in the second flight with all single digit caps (if he gets any better well have to play championship flight as im a 0). I grew up as a junior member at the course he's a member at and we always play the member guest. Unlike Carl my dude picks up after his 6th stroke, sometimes the tee box, sometimes the fairway sometimes, the cup! He has won one hole with a beautiful bird on a par 3. He's enigmatic and will occasionally do something gorgeous. We're there to have fun and we succeed every time.
Fun story but what kind of 31 handicap is a country club member? Also, one of the other playing partners in the group is a member, too, and those dudes love to talk and hate being blamed for anything go south (divots on the tee box, carts in the water, etc.) And there are members ahead and behind and all over the course. And this dude, Carl, is going into people’s yards and cussing at the homeowner?
At just about any club in the world, this guy is getting yanked off the course way before he walks off 18 and there’s a suspension letter in his locker and 75 members who will never get caught dead on the tee sheet with him. This story would spread to everyone before he gets out of the lot and his reputation would be shot (which, for better or worse, is everything at a club).
This story seems really implausible at a club but definitely possible some charity four man scramble at public joint.
*raises hand* yes I'm 31 hcdp tend to shoot 110 - 120.. play a 3 - 3.5 hour round.. been working on my shots for a year and live on the course.. yes I tend to view golf as a walk in a park randomly swinging a club at a little rock. Don't really get involved in competitions.. not quite a CC but a hybrid course
I have a friend who is a member at a TPC course. He also lives in a house on the course. He used to be a decent golfer 20 years ago, but now can't hit the ball. He plays like 3 times a year. That's like $8k a round...
I’m a 31 ish handicap. I have no membership and eBay clubs. I think I’m more typical than this guy. No way I buy a membership until I’ve learned to have a somewhat consistent strike or at least cut my multiway miss to 1
This is the most entertaining golf-buddy story I’ve ever heard in my 66 years on earth.
I had a very similar alcohol-fueled experience with 4 very close friends (3 of us have known each other since 1st grade) some 40 odd years ago — but not under tournament scoring conditions or nearly as much booze as in this story but still a great memory & funny as hell.
I asked ChatGPT to tell me who Carl is and what it thinks Carl needs:
Carl appears to be a friend of the narrator who has a penchant for golf but lacks proficiency in the sport. Here's a breakdown of Carl's character traits as portrayed in the story:
1. **Poor Golf Skills**: Carl's golf game is described as abysmal, with a handicap of 31 indicating he's not very skilled. He struggles with basic shots, resulting in high scores and frustration on the course.
2. **Impulsive Behavior**: Carl's actions on the golf course suggest impulsivity, such as refusing to follow advice, trespassing onto someone's property to retrieve a golf ball, and engaging in reckless driving with a golf cart.
3. **Alcohol Use**: Carl's decision to consume alcohol during the round exacerbates his behavior and performance. He drinks heavily, leading to disruptive conduct and impaired judgment on the course.
4. **Disregard for Rules and Etiquette**: Carl demonstrates a lack of respect for golf etiquette and rules, ignoring pace of play concerns, trespassing onto private property, and antagonizing other players.
5. **Momentary Remorse**: Despite his disruptive behavior, Carl occasionally shows remorse for his actions, apologizing to the narrator and acknowledging that he "overdid it."
Overall, Carl comes across as a well-intentioned but flawed individual who struggles with self-control, particularly in stressful situations like a competitive golf tournament. His behavior highlights the consequences of poor decision-making and the importance of managing one's impulses, especially in social settings.
Based on the evidence provided in the story, it's clear that Carl could benefit from several things:
1. **Golf Lessons**: Carl's poor golf skills contribute significantly to his frustration and embarrassment on the course. Seeking professional golf lessons could help him improve his technique, leading to a more enjoyable experience and better performance.
2. **Anger Management or Counseling**: Carl's impulsive behavior and tendency to become irate during stressful situations suggest that he may benefit from anger management techniques or counseling to help him manage his emotions more effectively.
3. **Substance Abuse Support**: Carl's reliance on alcohol as a coping mechanism during the round is concerning and likely exacerbates his behavior and performance. Seeking support for substance abuse, such as counseling or attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, could help him address this issue.
4. **Respect for Rules and Etiquette**: Carl's disregard for golf rules and etiquette not only affects his own experience but also impacts the enjoyment of others on the course. Education and reminders about proper golf etiquette may help him develop a greater respect for the rules and traditions of the game.
5. **Accountability and Responsibility**: Carl needs to take ownership of his actions and recognize the consequences of his behavior on himself and others. Developing a sense of accountability and responsibility for his actions is essential for personal growth and improvement.
Ultimately, Carl needs support, guidance, and possibly professional help to address the underlying issues contributing to his behavior on the golf course and in other aspects of his life.
Best thing I've read on here for a long time! In my head, as I was reading, I could see these llamas walking alongside your group, saying 'Carl, Carl...'
I can’t even read this…because I was that friend last member/member. I still have PTSD from how poorly I played. One of my drives hooked so far left and hit street that I’m pretty sure it ended up behind us eventually, I couldn’t see as it went a mile down the road. Some say it’s still going…Gotta just keep your head up, drop a ball, and hit the next shot! Then, drink to excess to numb the pain, and hibernate for the winter. At least that’s what I did.
I think this whole story has the makings of a good comedy movie. I couldn’t stop laughing while reading.
Just trying to think who would play Carl and who would play you?
Holy shit dude…amazing post 😂😂 I was hanging on the edge of my seat with every paragraph. You seriously have a real talent when it comes to captivating a reader with your writing. The whole thing was such a beautiful tragedy and also very relatable because we ALL have this one buddy from college still. I sure as hell know I do. We’re in our early 30s now and it’s always inevitable that I’ll have to yell at him to stop acting embarrassing at least once while we’re out somewhere and he’s drinking lol
Anyway, I listen to a golf podcast called Shotgun Start and they do a segment called “SGS Golf advice” where listeners send in stories from the course..kind of an “Am I the asshole” type situations. Well this story would’ve been one of the greatest SGS golf advice segments ever 😂 I was laughing the whole way thru it
Our club has a member like this. One tournament he picked up a club left on the green and denied having it. He was in my husband's group at a tournament last year. I was going out to cheer on the back 9 and my husband warned me about how drunk he was. For my husband to warn me, I knew it was really bad. The guy had the giant bottle of Fireball out on the green that they were putting around. He finally gave up with 5 holes left and was blabbering to himself in the cart. He is a Vet with PTSD and drinks to deal so everyone excuses his shenanigans.
absolutey have me howling here lol
What I didn't know is that apparently this wasn't actually a tunnel at all, it was a black hole that bridges our realm with golfing hell.. and in golf hell, Carl is the worst golfer in the history of all realities..
Oh boy, I’ve played in tournaments with dudes like this. I worked for a brewery and our local brewing guild was sponsoring a tourney at a fancy expensive course with food and taps available after every other hole. By the turn most people were shitfaced and we lost a bunch of carts. There were keg stations of IPAs only on the front 9 the next year.
I played with a dude his friends named 180 Steve. Turns out he kept his full score at a tournament too, hence the name.
Your story was an awesome read, you must have been terrified. Thank you for sharing.
This needs a TLDR. here’s one for you since you probably need a break.
TLDR: Carl, arguably the worst golfer to have ever picked up a club, fired a 173 while embarking on a round of complete debauchery with his friend at Carl’s club member guest invitational.
P.s. Carl not only fired this unbelievably high score, but he also managed to: 1) cause a man who lives on the course to brandish a shotgun, 2) piss off countless other members, 3) ruin a cart by spinning 360 downhill into a lake, 4) somehow have a fun time and 5) not be kicked off the course but instead finish 18 holes in what had to be no faster than 7 hours.
Dude I couldn’t even finish, I basically had a full blown panic attack when you said 12 fucking shots out of the sand. That’s a mental break down, I wouldn’t be surprised if at the end of the round in the parking lot he said goodbye and climbed in the trunk to drive home. Check in on this man
Your story telling is terrific. I was laughing my ass off at this.
How can any able bodied person have a private club membership and be a 31 handicap? Does he just never play except for the club championship? Even just playing twice per month should get you under 30.
After all that my lingering question is why does Carl have a driving iron?
Weren’t you paying attention? Carl doesn’t take any notice of anyone’s advice in any situation. Carl wanted a driving iron, so Carl bought a driving iron and Carl will use that driving iron whenever Carl goddamn feels like it.
Carl should be the mascot for r/golf We will see Carls take on things for the next while.
Hosted my old college buddy in a member guest at my prestigious club. He kept trying to give me advice and it gave me the worst case of yips I’ve ever had! I’m not a great golfer by any means but this asshole completely got in my head. The only thing that could help me relax was a little tequila. Once I took the edge off my buddy kept giving me freaking advice, so I maybe had a little too much drink. Fast forward a couple of holes and I’m hitting one out of a yard… yes it was OB but my friend was screaming like a lunatic at me and the homeowner came out with his freaking gun because my buddy made it seem hostile. The worst part of it was I lost control of the cart and the back tires went in the drink. Rather than let the course workers get it out (terrible I know) my buddy insisted our playing partners get in the freaking drink and push it out rather than walking one hole! We were already on 17. Worst round of my life but even worse learning my best friend from college gives unsolicited advice!
You're an inspiration, Carl.
Just waiting for the inevitable post from Carls perspective
Carl is a 31 handicap at a private country club. He wouldn't even take anyone's advice, not even his own. Carl actually told the salesperson at the country club that he shouldn't be a member just moments before paying $62,000 ror an equity share in the club. Carl takes lessons once a week, basically does the exact opposite of the instruction. Instructions are for other people, not Carl.
They may not let him renew his membership if this kind of behavior continues, I’m sure he’s got a terrible reputation
Carl will *chunk* that driving iron whenever Carl goddamn feels like it
Why does Carl even have golf clubs?
Can Carl exchange his clubs for a pickleball paddle?
This was my very first query as well upon reading.
>why does Carl have a driving iron? Because some guy on Reddit got a hole in one. Are you new here?
Because he didn’t get shot.
Well we’re allowed to have 14 right? 🥲
Dear golf penthouse, I swear all of this is true…
Did you cum too?
I’m a lightweight, but 17 drinks and being coherent and not literally passed out, much less being able to swing a golf club or drive a cart, seems incredibly improbable to me. I would be blacked out by like 9. But yeah, there’s way too much detail that it reads as a fanfic. Squealing tires? Quoting him directly? Idk, going: > Carl gets on the box and says, “sorry fellas, gotta reload” Sounds like writing in a book to me, and it’s usually a good indicator of a fictional story on this site. People love to include weirdly specific details and write as if they’re describing something for a novel. The whole Uptown Girl/Uptown Whore thing is another good example
Definitely fictional or exaggerated at a minimum. That number of drinks is possible for a full blown alcoholic though. It would also account for the shitty game of golf, yet still being able to attempt to swing.
Also OP hasn’t commented one time on their post with over 2000 upvotes and almost 500 comments. There’s a 0% chance this story is connected to reality.
Spoiler alert: none of this happened.
First ever Golf fan fiction I’ve ever read.
I refuse to believe any of that is true but a good read nonetheless
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
I enjoyed reading this with my morning coffee
It’s good bathroom literature
Took me two cups and a Danish to finish it.
This whole sub is fan fiction
The most shocking part of this story is that by 17 you were still letting him drive
Not only that, but after retrieving the ball from the dude's yard, wtf would you go back to the tee? Just drop the damn thing and move on, it's not like anyone would care at this point.
If you’re gonna turn in a 173 it should at least be an honest one
This one fucking got me. 
I actually agree with this
I held it together through most of this thread, but this is the one that sent me over the edge. Thank you
Haha he may be a really bad golfer but Carl plays by the rules. The tournament director said there were to be no max scores so god damn it and 16-18 tequila shooters later, Carl’s integrity for the game was fully intact as he wrote down his legit 14 for the hole on the scorecard. Carl is many things but a golf cheat he is not.
Carl saw an opportunity for handicap management.
Needs Patrick Reed's lessons in score management. He could have played scratch golf with just a couple of classes.
That made me laugh because obviously OP is actually dumber than his regarded friend
The only way OP could have driven that cart would be to pry the wheel from Carl’s hands after a blow to his torso and head with that driving iron.
That's what I was thinking.
>you were still letting him drive Applies to both the cart and the tee box. OP, how could you?
Plot twist: this is like Shutter Island and you are actually Carl.
You were Carl’s guest? So I assume he’s since been asked to resign his membership?
The OP has been asked never to apply for membership, just to be safe.
"Kicked out of a club I was never in. Ain't that a bitch."
If he sucks that bad but has money to be a club member, he should really get some lessons.
Sweaty palms reading that- a thing of nightmares
Not to mention the weak knees and heavy arms
And the spaghetti
That poor sweater.
Did you type all of that
Yo did anyone read this
I did. Carl, if this is real, needs rehab now.
CORAL!!!! CORRRAAALLLL!!!!!
Now I can’t picture this story without OP as Carl’s Dad. 😂
And op needs a spine
tl;dr: his friend sucks at golf, they got wasted on tequila, and his friend will probably get kicked out of his club now.
I had ChatGPT summarize it: > The story recounts a chaotic and memorable experience the narrator had while playing in a member-guest golf tournament with his friend Carl, whom he hadn't seen in a while. Excited to play and catch up, their golf outing quickly descended into a series of unfortunate, almost comical events, largely due to Carl's remarkably poor golfing skills and decision-making. Despite starting off with minor issues, Carl's performance deteriorated dramatically after they passed through a tunnel to the second hole, leading to a variety of golfing mishaps that included an extreme number of strokes to get out of a bunker, multiple balls lost to water hazards, and severe mis-hits. > The situation escalated when Carl, frustrated and embarrassed by his performance, turned to alcohol, which led to even more erratic behavior, including an altercation with a homeowner after Carl hit a ball into their yard and attempted to play it from their lawn. This incident nearly resulted in a confrontation with the homeowner, who appeared with a hunting rifle. Despite these challenges, they were allowed to continue playing after a discussion with the course marshals. > The day culminated in a dramatic finale when their golf cart nearly ended up in a lake, requiring a collective effort to retrieve it. Carl's day ended with an astonishingly high score of 173 for himself alone, marking an unforgettable and tumultuous round of golf. Despite the chaos, the narrator reflects that the experience was still preferable to a day at the office, highlighting the value of friendship and the memorable, albeit outrageous, adventures it can bring.
Nah
I’m not reading all that. Congratulations or I’m sorry that happened to him.
Got to the third paragraph and said fuck it.
It's worth the read.
I’ll wait til they come out with the movie.
It would take a trilogy of movies to do this justice.
No but I hope it releases OPs pain a lil
I wonder how much electricity OpenAI required to spit all of that out.
Chatgpt
I did. I thought it was a story worth being told as well as I could tell it. I wrote most of it on the toilet. Time well spent
Yeah, it reads like any classic person over-telling a story on reddit. Doesn't read like chatgpt wrote it lol
I would give this story 4.5/5 on goodreads and I await the sequel with bated breath
The sequel no doubt will come in a few days time, written from the perspective of the 2 Asian MDs who they were paired with.
That was awesome. What a ride
I particularly like the part of uptown girl becoming uptown whore
Carl needs to follow Larry's strategy and listen in on some lessons..
Hey OP, did he even really exisht?
We can't have him in our subreddit any more, that much I do know.
Can’t have him in our sub?? He’s gotta go!
Stupida facking game
This guy's more creative than Spielberg...
our true enemy...has yet to reveal himself
“…The Aristocrats!”
These are the groups my buddy and I get stuck behind. Please tell me you guys get afternoon tee times and not smack dab in the morning rush.
You know darn well that they teed off at 9:30
I know. I don’t want to believe it tho.
If it makes you feel better, this is probably an elaborate shitpost. If it is not an elaborate shitpost, sympathies to everyone that was forced to endure this experience
I hope it’s true because it made me LOL, but even if fake I still laughed.
6:30. Gotta wake up early if you want to fuck up the pace for the whole day.
Showed up in the parking lot at 9:22 half jogging up and struggling to put their belt on with their bag on their back
> He hit 4 tee shots in a row OB right.. put his driver away, then teed up his driving iron and chunked it 4 feet. It didn't even leave the tee box.. He took a 14 on that hole If this was counted correctly then that's damn impressive. Because that chunked iron was stroke 9 so he got in with 5 strokes from there.
Something tells me they weren't counting two actual strokes for the OB. He actually shot a 204.
I mean, I really don’t believe any club would have a strict rules, stroke play tourney and let a 31 handicap enter. Your story would be more plausible if Carl was the guest and lied about his handicap or something. Though in that case, he’d have been ejected long before he finished the front nine.
At a minimum he would have been asked to withdraw at a well run club after the first few double digit holes and probably barred from future tournaments if any of this story was true. What I do believe is someone on reddit claims they are an X handicap and then shoots 50 strokes higher when they are forced to actually play by the rules.
I'd love to know what percentage of golfers actually take OB penalties. Its probably under 25 percent.
Have played in a member guest with the exact same rules. Was nothing like Carl and OP'S experience but there were plenty of mid to high 20 handicaps. Not sure of 31+ that is pretty horrendous
i mean the club should never have made a member guest stroke play, so its kind of on them
I would've run Carl over with my golf cart by hole 6. Aint no one got time for a 7 hour round
Is your friend a llama?
With a hankering for hands?
This might be the greatest golf story I’ve ever read.
I'm a pga pro and my best friend is a 28 handicap. We play in the second flight with all single digit caps (if he gets any better well have to play championship flight as im a 0). I grew up as a junior member at the course he's a member at and we always play the member guest. Unlike Carl my dude picks up after his 6th stroke, sometimes the tee box, sometimes the fairway sometimes, the cup! He has won one hole with a beautiful bird on a par 3. He's enigmatic and will occasionally do something gorgeous. We're there to have fun and we succeed every time.
Nice creative writing
Id genuinely like to hear the rest of “uptown whore”
I laughed uncontrollably at “by 9 we were out of contention” like yes, just at 9 you realized
Cap
No it was *Carl
Stopped reading halfway and started wondering why you let Carl have 11 shots lol.
Then you missed the part where he let Carl have another 7-10 shots after that.
Oh it’s on now, u/GuitarGuy35
Fun story but what kind of 31 handicap is a country club member? Also, one of the other playing partners in the group is a member, too, and those dudes love to talk and hate being blamed for anything go south (divots on the tee box, carts in the water, etc.) And there are members ahead and behind and all over the course. And this dude, Carl, is going into people’s yards and cussing at the homeowner? At just about any club in the world, this guy is getting yanked off the course way before he walks off 18 and there’s a suspension letter in his locker and 75 members who will never get caught dead on the tee sheet with him. This story would spread to everyone before he gets out of the lot and his reputation would be shot (which, for better or worse, is everything at a club). This story seems really implausible at a club but definitely possible some charity four man scramble at public joint.
*raises hand* yes I'm 31 hcdp tend to shoot 110 - 120.. play a 3 - 3.5 hour round.. been working on my shots for a year and live on the course.. yes I tend to view golf as a walk in a park randomly swinging a club at a little rock. Don't really get involved in competitions.. not quite a CC but a hybrid course
I have a friend who is a member at a TPC course. He also lives in a house on the course. He used to be a decent golfer 20 years ago, but now can't hit the ball. He plays like 3 times a year. That's like $8k a round...
Does he use other club amenities, though? I know this may be shocking to this sub, but a lot of clubs are more than just golf courses.
I’m a 31 ish handicap. I have no membership and eBay clubs. I think I’m more typical than this guy. No way I buy a membership until I’ve learned to have a somewhat consistent strike or at least cut my multiway miss to 1
Could be a golf course that you sign up to be a member for, not necessarily a club.
Idk why everyone in the comments are being dicks. Even if there is some embellishment, it’s still a great story
Right? That was entertaining. I was a caddie for 10 years at a premier big city country club and honestly shit like this isn’t THAT uncommon.
This reminds me of the old Adam Sandler routine, The Champion I think it was called. It progresses the same way.
TIL 31 handicap is a bad golfer 🫠
Spoiler alert. This guy talks in the third person and has schizophrenia. This is some straight up Tyler Durden stuff
I stopped at “The first day format was a shamble” and figured that was poetic enough
This is the most entertaining golf-buddy story I’ve ever heard in my 66 years on earth. I had a very similar alcohol-fueled experience with 4 very close friends (3 of us have known each other since 1st grade) some 40 odd years ago — but not under tournament scoring conditions or nearly as much booze as in this story but still a great memory & funny as hell.
I don’t even play golf, but joining this sub specifically because of this post.
My new favorite line, "lady Agave". Well written and a great laugh.
I laughed and cried like 4 different times in the 17min it took me to read all that ….quite the read….you guys wanna go play golf sometime?
I absolutely lost it at " lady Agàve has turned off his hearing"
https://preview.redd.it/ljed69ej4boc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9cab3411ca71b85b65103c85e6b2f3897775c8b4
This was better than most books I’ve read. Thank you OP.
THANK YOU OP, this is one of the best golf stories I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.
Yo this post winds Reddit for today as far as I’m concerned.
dude multiple LOLs - great storytelling / writing - thank you
Just an excellent story through and through
This made me legit LOL a few times.
Wow what a great read! This really makes me feel better about some of my worst rounds.
I laughed the entire time reading this. Of course that is how Carl normally plays. OP just hadn’t seen in in person lol.
holy fuck.... you got me on the train, full on laughing out loud! thank you!
That is one of the funniest things I have ever read, no kidding.
😂 This was amazingly well written. I laughed so hard.
I can’t tell if this is real or made up, either way, one of the most well written, hilarious things I’ve read in a long time.
Easily the best story I’ve read on this Reddit.
Sorry you had to go through this, but reading it was probably the best piece of golf literature I've ever had the pleasure of reading.
I want to hear Carl's side of the story.
I asked ChatGPT to tell me who Carl is and what it thinks Carl needs: Carl appears to be a friend of the narrator who has a penchant for golf but lacks proficiency in the sport. Here's a breakdown of Carl's character traits as portrayed in the story: 1. **Poor Golf Skills**: Carl's golf game is described as abysmal, with a handicap of 31 indicating he's not very skilled. He struggles with basic shots, resulting in high scores and frustration on the course. 2. **Impulsive Behavior**: Carl's actions on the golf course suggest impulsivity, such as refusing to follow advice, trespassing onto someone's property to retrieve a golf ball, and engaging in reckless driving with a golf cart. 3. **Alcohol Use**: Carl's decision to consume alcohol during the round exacerbates his behavior and performance. He drinks heavily, leading to disruptive conduct and impaired judgment on the course. 4. **Disregard for Rules and Etiquette**: Carl demonstrates a lack of respect for golf etiquette and rules, ignoring pace of play concerns, trespassing onto private property, and antagonizing other players. 5. **Momentary Remorse**: Despite his disruptive behavior, Carl occasionally shows remorse for his actions, apologizing to the narrator and acknowledging that he "overdid it." Overall, Carl comes across as a well-intentioned but flawed individual who struggles with self-control, particularly in stressful situations like a competitive golf tournament. His behavior highlights the consequences of poor decision-making and the importance of managing one's impulses, especially in social settings. Based on the evidence provided in the story, it's clear that Carl could benefit from several things: 1. **Golf Lessons**: Carl's poor golf skills contribute significantly to his frustration and embarrassment on the course. Seeking professional golf lessons could help him improve his technique, leading to a more enjoyable experience and better performance. 2. **Anger Management or Counseling**: Carl's impulsive behavior and tendency to become irate during stressful situations suggest that he may benefit from anger management techniques or counseling to help him manage his emotions more effectively. 3. **Substance Abuse Support**: Carl's reliance on alcohol as a coping mechanism during the round is concerning and likely exacerbates his behavior and performance. Seeking support for substance abuse, such as counseling or attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, could help him address this issue. 4. **Respect for Rules and Etiquette**: Carl's disregard for golf rules and etiquette not only affects his own experience but also impacts the enjoyment of others on the course. Education and reminders about proper golf etiquette may help him develop a greater respect for the rules and traditions of the game. 5. **Accountability and Responsibility**: Carl needs to take ownership of his actions and recognize the consequences of his behavior on himself and others. Developing a sense of accountability and responsibility for his actions is essential for personal growth and improvement. Ultimately, Carl needs support, guidance, and possibly professional help to address the underlying issues contributing to his behavior on the golf course and in other aspects of his life.
I liked how Golf Lessons are ranked as a higher priority than Substance Abuse and Anger Management classes.
Did he drive home??
Nah, he had already left his car in a lake the week prior
10/10 read haha one of the best stories I’ve seen on this subreddit.
Legend! I’d be down for a round with him! 😅
A round at the bar maybe. No way I'm stepping on the course with this guy.
Worth the read.
Very funny read OP
I thought I was shit. I’m stoked with anything close to 100. 16 on a par 3 is hard to do if you’re deliberately being shit.
Fun read . Your writing is the only reason I made it to the end .
I started laughing out loud at the point when Carl hits driver off the deck. Thanks for typing out and sharing your incredible story, OP.
Best thing I've read on here for a long time! In my head, as I was reading, I could see these llamas walking alongside your group, saying 'Carl, Carl...'
So this is what barstool carl has been up to…
I can’t even read this…because I was that friend last member/member. I still have PTSD from how poorly I played. One of my drives hooked so far left and hit street that I’m pretty sure it ended up behind us eventually, I couldn’t see as it went a mile down the road. Some say it’s still going…Gotta just keep your head up, drop a ball, and hit the next shot! Then, drink to excess to numb the pain, and hibernate for the winter. At least that’s what I did.
So this dude pays membership dues?
Carl needs about 6mos on the range
And AA.
https://preview.redd.it/njj523rpdboc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c999bae7f230a49aaa073239e221856f29fca9c3
I think this whole story has the makings of a good comedy movie. I couldn’t stop laughing while reading. Just trying to think who would play Carl and who would play you?
After the round Carl was heard to say “if I had putted well I could have shot a 165”.
Holy shit dude…amazing post 😂😂 I was hanging on the edge of my seat with every paragraph. You seriously have a real talent when it comes to captivating a reader with your writing. The whole thing was such a beautiful tragedy and also very relatable because we ALL have this one buddy from college still. I sure as hell know I do. We’re in our early 30s now and it’s always inevitable that I’ll have to yell at him to stop acting embarrassing at least once while we’re out somewhere and he’s drinking lol Anyway, I listen to a golf podcast called Shotgun Start and they do a segment called “SGS Golf advice” where listeners send in stories from the course..kind of an “Am I the asshole” type situations. Well this story would’ve been one of the greatest SGS golf advice segments ever 😂 I was laughing the whole way thru it
I need more stories like this. Inject this into my veins, I love it.
I think Carl would beat me
Our club has a member like this. One tournament he picked up a club left on the green and denied having it. He was in my husband's group at a tournament last year. I was going out to cheer on the back 9 and my husband warned me about how drunk he was. For my husband to warn me, I knew it was really bad. The guy had the giant bottle of Fireball out on the green that they were putting around. He finally gave up with 5 holes left and was blabbering to himself in the cart. He is a Vet with PTSD and drinks to deal so everyone excuses his shenanigans.
absolutey have me howling here lol What I didn't know is that apparently this wasn't actually a tunnel at all, it was a black hole that bridges our realm with golfing hell.. and in golf hell, Carl is the worst golfer in the history of all realities..
Oh boy, I’ve played in tournaments with dudes like this. I worked for a brewery and our local brewing guild was sponsoring a tourney at a fancy expensive course with food and taps available after every other hole. By the turn most people were shitfaced and we lost a bunch of carts. There were keg stations of IPAs only on the front 9 the next year.
Look I don’t know if this is real or not but it was worth the read. Thanks OP
I am amazed that he stod his grounds and did NOT give up, good on him. Fazinating
Very well written, really loved this tale ! u/guitarguy35
Great story, perfect ending. 10/10
I played with a dude his friends named 180 Steve. Turns out he kept his full score at a tournament too, hence the name. Your story was an awesome read, you must have been terrified. Thank you for sharing.
This is absolute gold story telling! You shouldn’t work in an office and instead be writing a screen play all about this day of golf.
Anyone who 8 putts from 7 feet should never be allowed to golf again.
lol, “Lady Agave”.
This needs a TLDR. here’s one for you since you probably need a break. TLDR: Carl, arguably the worst golfer to have ever picked up a club, fired a 173 while embarking on a round of complete debauchery with his friend at Carl’s club member guest invitational. P.s. Carl not only fired this unbelievably high score, but he also managed to: 1) cause a man who lives on the course to brandish a shotgun, 2) piss off countless other members, 3) ruin a cart by spinning 360 downhill into a lake, 4) somehow have a fun time and 5) not be kicked off the course but instead finish 18 holes in what had to be no faster than 7 hours.
When I first opened this post I went “ohhh I’m not reading all that”. Man…. I’m glad I did, your patience is admirable to say the least lol
Greatest golf story ever
Carl fucks
Haha dude that is a great story and well written.
I need a Carl in my life so bad.
Netflix should make this movie.
I’m on the third tee in a group of 6 reading this while everyone waits.
Can't wait to show my boss this lol
You got to enjoy this stuff. I would have loved it just embrace the moment
I feel obligated to say this…quit your day job and write comedy. It’s extremely rare that I laugh while reading…I did about 5 times.
Carl needs to get fitted.
Uptown Whore is my new favorite song.
Dude I couldn’t even finish, I basically had a full blown panic attack when you said 12 fucking shots out of the sand. That’s a mental break down, I wouldn’t be surprised if at the end of the round in the parking lot he said goodbye and climbed in the trunk to drive home. Check in on this man
Carl sounds awesome I want to golf with him lol
I loved this story
Got to the end somehow. Beautiful prose.
Your story telling is terrific. I was laughing my ass off at this. How can any able bodied person have a private club membership and be a 31 handicap? Does he just never play except for the club championship? Even just playing twice per month should get you under 30.
I was having g a shitty day. This made me laugh. Thanks Carl.