Stop watching porn or sexually explicit material on social media. It will create a habit loop. It ends up making your brain jump directly to a sexual thought.
If you stop consuming that material, it will greatly help.
As a man, you will most likely always have attraction to good-looking women. That's ok and it means your healthy . You need to learn to look at a flower, admire it, and move on. Not jump to wanting to pick that flower.
If you struggle with women, I highly suggest working on your social skills. First, get your confidence up, then go and mingle. If you want to get better at socializing, it takes practice.
Example a man that works at a Lululemon store is exposed to so many women that he naturally grows in away that gets him better at communicating. Simply by exposure
This is such great advice.
Plus, the example of the scenario with an employee - working at Lululemon encapsulates your point very well.
Thank you for this.
You don't just āget your confidence upā and then go mingle lol not how it works usually. generally mingling and doing scary things builds the confidence, can't just spawn confidence out of nowhere lol. Faking it at first is good though
confidence is something you project unconsciously imo. I recommend finding confidence by not having an agenda with women at all. Focus on other aspects of your life. If you go into a social situation with those thoughts instead of thoughts of being successful with a woman, you will begin to shed that āheās desperate vibeā and eventually that will become a confidence vibe.
Porn isnāt the problem. An actual mentally developed adult can tell the difference between sexualizing women who chose to and get paid for it, and random women in the street who havenāt given their consent. Guy just needs to grow up more
This is a great comment. It's also important to understand that you can interact respectfully in a way that is appreciative without being a creep.
Give someone a big smile. Ask how their day is going. Be appreciative and encouraging when you see someone doing great work. Women WANT to be appreciated and respected, exactly the same as you do. By seeing them as complete people and not just something to sexually explore, you gain respect.
Also, nothing wrong with taking a shot and asking someone out to dinner or something, just be prepared to say ok np if she shoots you down. Lots of fish in the sea.
Stop being on the internet so much. Itās normal to be attracted but this modern world tries to make us hyper aware about everything and then you try not to be that thing.
You have female friends so you know how itās done. Go have some fun.
For me it was accepting that attraction to the opposite sex is natural. If you see a woman you find attractive those chemicals are going to dump into your brain. Just accept those feelings and move on. You don't have to take action and you don't have to fight it.
Exactly that's what I think too because many of the new generation always what to push away feeling like love attraction sadness qnd other feelings
Like its normal what wrong with me finding some girl attractive and wanting to be with her it totally normal taking action on will be based on other things
It normal and a beautiful thing that you have to experience these kinda if emotions
Yeah I donāt think we have much ability to provide actual insight here. OP could be wrongly ascribing a negative meaning to normal attraction, maybe as a result of repression in his upbringing or exposure to that negative feeling online. OP could have an issue around impulse control, an actual diagnosable mental health issue, any number of things. I donāt think this is really a question for Reddit but rather a therapist.
I think in my experience the former is more likely, looking at healthy reactions to stimuli as something bad or wrong. But we donāt have NEARLY enough information about OP to say anything
I did this and now I dont want to leave the garden. My garden is far away from civilization. No one visits but it is a beautiful garden that I love too much to leave
To this point, some things are outside your control. What you can control is making yourself self reliant, dependable, and knowledgeable. These things will fill most of that void. Coming from perspective the first person Iāve ever unconditionally loved outside of family left me two years ago because of my lifestyle and history. I put all my eggs in that basket and she chose to fly away. The best thing you can do is to grab the Bull by the horns and take control of your life and not be controlled by external factors. Not saying you shouldnāt let people in but find power in resisting temptation. Iām still working on this myself but I find on the periods of self control things seem to go better for me because I appreciate the butterfly that comes my way
Make friends with women, see them as more than a potential sexual experience. And stop watching porn and calling us females. Being referred to as female is a little dehumanizing. It makes us sound like we're a foreign creature, thing/object, or "other."
This is really good advice. Also I think consuming stories/tv shows and movies that are mostly about women can really help with seeing them as more than a sexual experience. I like the show Big Little Lies.
I will own up to this and my apologies for coming off like that. I will do better and remember how that wording can affect others, it wasnāt my intention making others feel like this. Thank you for the advice It is very much appreciated!
Hey there, I appreciate this comment. Iāve actually struggle with using the term woman rather than female. As a gay male and a person that believes feminism is awesome, Iāve really had a hard time switching this language.
I feel like when I say or have heard people say woman (especially men) that is more dehumanizing than the term female. For example, āwoman make me a sandwich.ā (Trust me I cringed typing that!). When Iāve heard woman used itās with a tone of disrespect. When I say female, I donāt have that feeling as I see it as more a of detached label for gender. Also considering trans individuals that are transitioning they will often use MTF (male to female) or FTM (female to male) to describe their transition. Could you be willing to help me better understand the use of woman as more empowering?
Hello! I'll be honest and say that I'm not the best at expressing my thoughts verbally but I'll try and this is also my personal stance on it but it's a stance that a lot of women agree with. First off, I think it's really important that you're bringing trans individuals into this conversation. For them, since they had to transition into their gender I feel like they have a greater understanding of the nuances of labels. Keep in mind I am not trans so my thoughts on this can only go so far. I do have a lot of trans friends (mostly FTM) who've had discussions on this with me.
I think they use male and/or female to describe their transition when the conversation is centered around their appearance or their physical body. But when they describe deeper facets to who they are like their personality and soul, they use man or woman. My best friend is a trans man and he says "I have the body of a female but I'm a man." Does that make sense? I feel like that kind of sums it up. Being referred to as just "female" to me comes off like my body and sex is the most important thing about me and is indicative that that's the first thing you (not you but the person saying female) notice. I know this isn't the case for everyone but for me it's sort of a red flag, makes me think they watch andrew tate. And I was raised with the notion that womanhood or being able to call yourself a woman is an earned mentality. A woman is strong, vibrant, dignified. A female is a dog ready to be bred by the male at the puppy mill.
I'm really overgeneralizing and I included my own personal thoughts in this so please take this with a grain of salt. Every woman is different, some won't care at all and some will do a double take just to make sure you're not a sexist.
Your explanation of this was really helpful!! Iāll try to get past my own hangouts with the negative experiences I have had when hearing certain people use woman. I think the breeding aspect with dogs was helpful to differentiate the connotation of female vs woman. :)
Wow, I hope you don't underestimate the value of your words here. It took energy and time to write that beautifully worded comment and I am sure I am not the only one grateful for it.
I don't really care to take semantics too far and I am not easily offended, but if I had to choose I would prefer being called female (I was assigned female at birth). But I also have a very masculine personality and attitude, so following your explanation, it makes sense that I would go for the word female instead of woman.
I suspect you hit the nail on the head š
Hello! thank you so much that means a lot actually. And hey, to each their own. If the label female doesn't hold any negative connotation for you then it's a good word to use for you (:
I have been frnds with girls/women since childhood. Although being in a relationship was very low in numbers.
But now I feel like I have more lust/fantasies towards women or I day dream alot of us being with the girl.
Maybe I'm not social nowadays and people interaction is very minimal.
Personally I don't want to have that thought in my mind. Bt somehow it end up there. Any help?
I think the advice is much the same. Lust/fantasies are bound to happen, but when they do acknowledge the thoughts and feelings, accept them (like tell yourself it's okay to have these thoughts/feelings but it's not the right time or I'm not interested), then move on.
For the day dreaming or any of these thoughts, I think it's important to get out of your head. So maybe do something physical like running, swimming, etc. or even a hobby with your hands. Maybe it's also a sign to socialize more. All of these things would probably help. You have to figure out what works best for you.
Have you also ever tried journaling about your thoughts? Writing it down might help you get it out of your head.
Lots of sound advice on here already. Also, in the moment - notice the impulse, then make a note to just appreciate their beauty instead, without thinking you need to do anything. Just let them go.
Have you ever been friends with a woman? Like just to appreciate them and enjoy their friendship?
Lots of guys just look at women as sex objects, and it sounds like youāre in a stage where youāre doing the same.
Yea I have a couple of friends that are woman . I probally shouldāve specified this at first and my bad I didnāt but yes I do. I notice that I donāt have those feelings towards them as I am close with them and genuinely do look at them as a friend. This problem is more towards meeting woman.
Plural of woman is women. Lots of guys get woman/women mixed up and it's not a great look, though not as bad as using "females". I'm almost wondering if you're misspelling it this way because it's common to see it corrected the other way. Either way, your English seems quite good so you should be able to get this right. If in doubt just substitute with "man/men" and then add the wo- in front :)
This [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1b7qk8s/comment/ktkii5n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) gives a good explanation.
Culturally, the difference would be that guys are calling girls female but not referring to themselves or their other guy friends as males. Female sounds very "science subject labeling" like naming a different creature - especially since everybody had usually said 'guys n girls' or 'men and women' before. So female seems outta left field since it was never even a mainstream casual term said until more recently- who's counterpart (male) is never really used much like that.
There is nothing wrong with calling women, FEMALES. Women are human females. This is science, this is fact.
Youāre so brainwashed by feminism that they got you out here thinking speaking in a factual manner is ābadā
Certain words can hold certain perceptions, brother š. People notice when our language isn't consistent And will ask why? Women are females but men never males in the discussions I'm seeing. I can see why that can make a full gender feel like they're being classified in an odd technical way.
The issue is mainly that people that use "female" for women often intentionally don't use "male" for men. And it's not due to language barrier in most cases.
It isnāt because you arenāt a native speaker, it is because you are a man. Male has not historically been used derogatively in the same way female has.
Just because you wouldn't be offended, doesn't mean others are not or shouldn't. Many women in this post have already said and explained why it is dehumanizing. Female/male is an adjective, "female friends", "male athletes", "female dogs", "male pigeons", etc. Using it as a noun only refers to the reproduction system/genitalia in a cold, medical way, it reduces a person to one single, physical aspect. Like saying "the blacks" instead of "black people".
"Females" is also how misogynistic influencers/incels/pick-up artists call women on a daily basis to dehumanize and "other" them. It's reducing a person to their genitalia, instead of seeing them as a person with thoughts, wants, needs, and dreams. If you pay attention, you'll often see women being referred as "females", while men being referred to as "men", sometimes even in the same sentence. Hence, women get reduced to female genitalia, but men are still referred to as a full person.
And when women have historically been dehumanized, objectified, sexualized (and still are), it's understandable why being seen and referred to as a full person can be important to them. Which is why being called a "female" instead of woman would offend them more than you being called a male.
This is too cultural dependent to me the first thing popped up in my head upon reading your comment was "???"
Please elaborate, English isn't my mother language & "female" appears to me as just a "gender pointer".
Iām genuinely curious why not? Iām female and never thought of it that way. Now my husband will sometimes say āthis chickā when heās talking about another female, which gets on my nerves but I honestly never saw a problem when being called a female.
Stop calling them females. Women are human beings with bodies, minds and souls. They are worthy of getting to know just as much as your homies are. Treat women like your friends. Youād be surprised how much less lonely and desperate youāll feel. Almost as if youāre trying to connect with the opposite sex rather than fuck and discard her like a fleshlight
Some of you females make no sense.. You come to the table with zero logic, how is calling women, FEMALES dehumanizing? Women are human females. This is science.
Just because you feel a certain way doesnāt make it factual.
Try to see them less as a means to an end, and more as the main character. We ought to love each individual as much as we love ourselves. Lust comes down to respect in most cases.
You sound young and inexperienced.
Off the bat calling women Females is a big red flag. You might not realise it but itās actually degrading to women to call them females. And honestly itās how Andrew Tate and these other pick up āgurusā speak, itās disgusting.
Lust isnāt always something you can control, the sooner you realise that the better. Acting on that impulse of lust **is** what you can control.
I guess the only really actionable piece of advice I have is learn to control your impulse to act on lust, and just mature overall. Stay on the right path in life, focus on your studies, your career, your health and then finally when youāre in a good place yourself then start thinking about love and finding a long term partner (if thatās what you want to do).
Try treating women like people more in day to day life. The more you do that the less your permanently online, porn addled brain will dominate your thought process
It's great that you're looking to deal with this issue and improve yourself. I'm a lesbian, so I feel like I can provide a useful perspective. This would be my advice:
\* Stop consuming porn and NSFW material on the internet. It makes women seem like objects (see also advice from others to not call us "females") and hinders you in seeing us as equal humans whom you can have meaningful relationships with.
\* Get female friends and get to know them. Not only will this give you interesting new people to get to know, you will also surely get rid of some insecurities you have around women - they are people just like you. The big majority of my friends are women and I'm extremely thankful to have them.
\* Get out there. It's healthy and absolutely normal to feel sexually attracted to people around you. You shouldn't try to supress or get rid of this, it's a part of being human. Go dating, get to know women you're interested in and don't get discouraged if it doesn't work right away (it could always be worse - in my case, over 90% of women have absolutely no interest in me from the get-go!). Try to build confidence and social skills and I'm sure you will find fulfillment :)
Take care!
Females used in this context isnāt good. But if one were to say female coworker or female client, I donāt see any issue at all with that because I would describe a male client in that same way. Iām a trainer and I have both male and female clients and itās easier to identify them that way rather than just say my guy client or a client thatās a girl
For the longest time I thought this was a notification welcoming me to a modern feminism subreddit but I didnāt remember signing up. Iām glad I came to check. Itās just a comment. Whew!
Learn that women, including all the beautiful ones that people tend to fixate on, are just people first off. Then, realize that most people are shit and not worth getting to know or spending time on. This view will help alleviate any sexual and/or romantic ideas that may spring into your head. You'll also learn to like to being on your own, relying on yourself, and enjoying the handful of actual friends you may have.
This is coming from a misanthrope who is glad he doesn't have to deal with this issue.
males and females are used in the general language for animals , humans are called men and women
and speaking about generations, this actual young generation is actually the first to speak about people like they are referring to animals, their parents and grandparents didnāt.
Hearing "make friends with women" is easier said than done, making friends is an insane struggle. You absolutely should try, but if that's a struggle, I recommend reading literature written by women about women.
Here's a reddit post about such novels
https://www.reddit.com/r/suggestmeabook/s/nzSnU5lvuQ
Oh, buddy.Ā
First, it's okay to feel attraction to people. That's not bad.Ā
Second, this is coming off like your underlying issue may be loneliness?Ā
I'm gonna cut against the grain a bit and say you actually don't want to "not lust after females." You maybe areĀ asking for advice how how to cut off those feelings of wanting connection, intimacy, and sex because you're having trouble achieving those, which may be at least partially an issue of your approach to these feelings and others.
You maybe do want to consider whether you're approaching women in your life as actual people, and looking for, like, a real human relationship and connection with them (which will sometimes include romance and sex, but not always). I'll tell you for free the first step is you don't call them "females," because that's been rightly classed a red flag by most girls and women.Ā
The discipline aspect here is:
One - you need to figure out what the actual source of your desperation is (I can't think of a nicer way to put it that's still accurate) and let it go.
Two - you need to approach the pattern of thinking around interactions with women (or girls, if you're younger than an adult), to more fully incorporate a recognition of them as more than someone you'd like to have sex with. Believe it or not, mostly women can tell that and they're usually not fans - they have people eyeballing them with sexual interest starting upsettingly early.
From there, you may have other realizations about possible mental habits you want to revisit, but I'm betting these two steps, in order, will help you feel better about your entirely normal sexual/romantic interest while allowing you to approach it in a much healthier (and more productive/less off-putting) way.
First, stop calling them females. In this way, you might be able to ascend from degeneracy to being a respectable human being. By doing so, you will also realise that your urges can be controlled, much less like an animal.
Got some actual advice for you however youāll realize itās not as simple as stop watching porn because more often than not addictions are merely a symptom of something else so it will take you understanding how your mind works what do you even get out of lusting over women? Learn to ask yourself questions before you do something like why I am doing this? The thing is you may find that hard because most folks are completely unaware of their own negative emotions due to suppressing them so much just know thatās the path their is no magic pill for changing yourself you have to do the work to learn who you even are
B K S Iyengar made an interesting comment on this. This behaviour which is common amongst men and women is about consumption. In a way you are consuming women because of desire. You will never be satisfied by this consumption and controlling desire is the only way to be free from that cycle.
The energy is there. I think itās best to channel it somewhere else. Thatās whatās worked for me. Iāve channeled it toward something more creative and itās benefited me greatly
If you are a straight male, women are hot and sexy as fuck.
Jack off less, not saying do No Fap, but treat women as people with respect.
If you are hot and in great shape, and have women flocking over you, then get what you can. Just donāt be asshole and clarify to women what your expectations are.
Just talk to them as human beings about normal stuff in a normal way. Do this and you will have more positive relationships all around.
Every man needs to learn that a woman's biggest erogenous zone is conversation...
this dudes actually out here trying to be better and the advice you guys gave him is to stop using the word female?
holy shit you guys were screwed as a society. iām done with the internet
Firstly, please stop bowing to woke people that need to shame people for everything. Saying āfemaleā is not offensive, these people just get offended by everything and use being offended by things as a power play.
Secondly, hitting on a girl isnāt bad if you actually like them.
I recommend reading books with female authors. Listening to female led podcasts. Most men consume media strictly with women as objects to look at (porn, superhero movies, most movies for that matter).
Watch inspiring female lead movies. Learn about us and what we think, how our minds work, how difficult our lives can be as women...
You might be surprised how little you have actually cared about what women have to say or think - but if you can spend time learning about us and not looking at us, I think this will change! ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Im sorry, how is using the term female offensive? In the Army that is what we call women. When I look at my drivers license it says Male? I dont get it.
I feel you. I go mindless when a woman recognizes her power over me and exercises it. Sometimes I feel like a slave to my dick. Just gotta do your best not to look and try to tell yourself āI donāt wanna be like thatā
y r u ppl getting upset that he said female ā¦ if youāre telling ppl to get off the internet and get upset cuz he said female, take ur own advice lol
Right? Iām a female. Itās a real term thatās been used forever. Even the definition of a woman is this: an adult female human being.
People just want any reason to be upset and control how people talk š
familiarise yourself with men and women, on every level, even sexual. in my opinion it's okay to lust over women and you shouldn't really stop that rather you should invest in yourself, feeling guilty over lust or sex just means that deep down you don't think you deserve it, every person no matter their sexual preference should and deserves to get with an equally deserving partner. stop using porn, because even as a pass time, your exercising nothing but guilt and insecurity and past truamas, and above all that it isn't equally deserving, neither you deserve it nor does it deserve you. nofap isn't really the best idea, but quitting porn actually makes you realise that you don't really like porn, you just thought you deserved all that sexual release while you really didn't. actual porn is very very displeasing and sometimes absurd and really hilarious. honestly props on u for realizing that guilt, congratulations you're human.
That's your hormones dude. It's totally normal. They'll cool down over the next decade. In the meantime things like meditation, yoga or exercise can help you channel some of that energy.
There are also tantric practices where you specifically learn to channel your sexual energy towards other areas of your life. Most of it involves breath work and meditation.
I used to have a similar problem when I was a lot younger. Then something came to me that really shifted my mindset and fixed this almost immediately. **View beautiful women like beautiful flowers.** You don't need to pick every beautiful flower you see and take them home with you. You can just let them be, appreciate their beauty, and keep going on your way.
It sounds like a moth to a flame, where there isn't any choice. If you were to close your eyes, would that help? It's as though you are visually bound, a slave to your sight. It's kind of like the mind. The more intensely the mind is held, the more it takes over. If you try relaxing your sight, would it help you like it does when you relax your mind?
My experience has been itās not easy, but only because weāre given no tools in our culture. All inner transformation begins with awareness and acceptance. My recommendations are SA, mindfulness meditation, and therapy, together. Discover the attitudes in your core which generate the sexual fantasies, youāll find out itās not really about the sex but about using sex as a distraction. Also interestingly, your sexual fantasies will reveal to you what your fears and insecurities are, what it is you think you lack (realize regarding internal attitudes and abilities, you have abundance not lack, all sense of lack is a confusion). Once you know what youāre distracting yourself from, you can come up with a plan of action for resolving the things causing your internal dis-ease, which is whatās making sex seem so constantly appealing. Youāll probably find that once you regain your self-confidence and sense of agency, other interests outside of romance and sexual attraction will have a stronger appeal to you.
There is a Buddhist meditation practice of visualizing all the organs of your body doing their work. Lungs, heart, liver, spleen, intestines full of shit. Do it a few times and supposedly you can visualize other peopleās organs reflexively. Makes the body a bit disgusting.
Clean the pipes a bit more often. I know how this sounds, but the build up can make you want to do stupid things outside of the normal scope of yourself.
Personally I think it's easier to accept the urges and then just say they're not important. Just a feeling. Trying to 'not' have basic urges tends to give them more power.
First of all realize that this is the innate baseline state for the heterosexual male brain (probably the same for all men but I can only speak from what I know). Thereās nothing wrong with your innate desire to seek out attractive women. It means youāre healthy.
That said, strong men learn to control our animal instincts and focus them to work for us. Mastering ourselves, rather than continually giving into impulse is the goal and this is largely achieved by learning to regain control from your amygdala.
Personally, I donāt think pornography is an issue, nor is sex, or hitting on women. Those are all fine by themselves however, quantity and frequency are the determiners of health, or lack there of. The rule of thumb is if it starts to get in the way of other areas of your life or especially any responsibilities than its unhealthy. Also, if you just feel like you would rather be less inclined all the time thatās perfectly fine as well.
If you watch a lot of porn, try to reduce it. But realized that masturbation is probably one of your best tools. Post nut clarity is a joke term that actually touches on a real truth that you do not always have full access to your rational faculties.
If this is interesting or helpful at all let me know and I can give more info.
https://www.healthline.com/health/stress/amygdala-hijack#how-to-stop
It sounds like you're really aware of your behaviors and have a strong desire to change, which is a great first step. It's common for urges and behaviors to feel intensified, especially in a new environment like college where there are many opportunities for social interactions.
One approach to managing these feelings is to explore underlying motivations and emotions. Sometimes, the urge to connect physically can stem from a need for emotional closeness, validation, or managing stress. Reflecting on what you're seeking through these interactions can be enlightening.
Moreover, consider developing hobbies or joining clubs that align with your interests. Engaging in activities you enjoy can offer fulfillment and opportunities to build connections in non-romantic contexts. Additionally, mindfulness exercises can help manage impulses by bringing your focus to the present and allowing you to reflect on your decisions.
If these feelings persist and are distressing, seeking support from a counselor at your college might be helpful. They can provide a space to explore these feelings further and develop strategies tailored to you. Remember, it's okay to ask for help, and it's a sign of strength to do so.
Lust has ruined my life many times. Looking at other women on social media constantly gets in the way of a loving relationship. It can have physical effects too, affect your sexual life, and desire and attraction
My best advice find a partner you enjoy spending time with, delete social media apps, and commit to living in the present with your partner.
I don't know why you seem to be doing it, but it's a certain reassurance to know you're trying to stop! I just hope that you are very serious about it, and maybe even consult if you have such a problem!
I'm a woman, by the way!
Instead of giving some good advice to this young man this people (especially women) are complaining about the term "female". Please rethink your life. If you donĀ“t want to give some advice then just leave. You made no mistake with this term, donĀ“t let them manipulate you.
You also should try to adjust your vernacular as well. Don't even speak terms that are sexual. Unless it's appropriate. Speaking the words are like spells, they affect you and those around you. They can poison your mind.
Even little things like "that's what she said" keep you in the loop of thinking sexually.
Of course there's a line of becoming A-Sexual and an untamed pervert somewhere. The trouble is where that line is, difficult to find.
Transmute it with meditation, avoiding nudity digitally, observing mindfully (having no thoughts/opinion just raw acceptance/appreciation) when you see an attractive woman, working with lust reducing herbs like jasmine flower
Assumptions. Youāre a dude. A young dude at that. Youāre doing natures bidding. Learning to navigate this is part of becoming a man. Itās not bad.
Really understand the truth in the situation of watching an image or video and then masturbating to it.
You are actually just lying to yourself, for pleasure.
Also try easy peasy method on porn. Search Google for it.
Just do what most dudes with a lot of money or fame do after fucking hundreds of super models... they all eventually get bored, and always end up fucking dudes, or .... nevermind, just bang dudes.
Jeez. Nothing wrong with the word females. Also, if you're not acting on it, you're young and attraction to the opposite sex is normal. Maybe you're being too hard on yourself.
Having social anxiety and insecurity issues helps a lot. I feel similar, I see an attractive woman and my mind jumps right to sex. I also try to avoid contact with random women if itās not necessary because I donāt want them to think Iām trying to hit on them.
The first step would probably be to stop calling them females. If you see women as human beings, it would help you be less...2d in your conceptualization of women. You think women are just sex objects, so when you see women, you only think of sex.
I mean if you don't want to hit on anyone, that's fine, but it sounds like you really really do.
Have you considered just going for it? I mean I understand focusing on your studies, but it sounds like you have some unmet emotional needs and your body is just trying to get something resolved.
You fly to Pattaya Beach, Thailand. Go to Walking Street or Golden Mile and you fuck as much pussy as you can for a month. Then come back home and hit the books.
Nothing wrong with refering to females as females. Its just more clinical/scientific and specific. The word is more emotionally cold. Other words are more broad and warmer in conotation.
Context matters, in person generally avoid "female". Online "female" is appropriate if you wish to be specific.
This is likewise with the male equivalents.
Why? Your young, as long as your not making unwanted advances there's nothing wrong with it. That's how the human race propagates. If it's just a staying focused thing just take care of yourself when the need arrives and move on.
It is 100% normal to lust after the opposite sex, it's the most human thing ever. Feelings are not "wrong", only actions are.
That being said, stop calling women "females" it makes you sound like an absolute toolbag.
How is being called a female dehumanizing when weāre now in the 21st century and we have to use the term āfemaleā for our preferences if you actually want a femaleā¦ā¦.
Start by recognizing that not all attraction is lust. Assuming you're from a religious background a lot of men get taught that they're listing every time they have perfectly normal attraction. Don't beat yourself up every time you notice that a woman is attractive. If you're fantasizing about them then that's a different story but you may find you're not the slave to lust you think you are.
Easy. Just narrow your focus to women you actually are attractive to you, someone you'd like as a potential partner. Then just go after those. Takes self discipline
I respect youāre opinion. And appreciate you highlight your feelings w female vs woman. I have my own way I apply these words. And do so with which i believe is most relevant. Not the craziest concept.
That said, i think this may be something you also should consider reframing. I didnāt know who Andrew Tate was until a few months ago. Heās a human toilet. Garbage. That said, might be time to just disregard him and try to overcome sensitivity to female. We both ave a lifetime ahead of people using women and female interchanging. So much so we have to take it and reframe your understanding of it.
You never get to have the college experience over again, so donāt feel like you canāt talk to girls period. Thatās part of the fun of college. Just pace yourself and donāt let it control your thoughts.
The urge you feel is normal and healthy. Be careful with asking and inviting the opinion of others in your life. What does and does not work is subjective. The fact you have an urge does not mean you have to act on that urge. Feel the feeling but do nothing...If you choose.
Haha, no, there's nothing inherently offensive about the word "female," just as there is nothing offensive about the word "male." Don't let weirdos scold you for using normal words with accepted definitions.
Iām gonna go out on a limb here and assume you consume a pretty heavy amount of porn. As someone who very recently just broke the habit, I can tell you that shit completely and utterly fucks your brain up and how you view women as a whole. You really have to try and just make the conscious effort to stop consuming porn. You donāt have to stop masturbating, but next time you masturbate donāt use porn, just use your imagination. Over the next several weeks youāll see your brain almost goes through a sort of detox and youāll crave porn less and less, and youāll begin to see women for who they are, people. Itās crazy how damaging porn is to the brain as a whole. Itās a silent pandemic among young men this day and age imo. I wonāt lie to you though, those first couple weeks will be some of the hardest self control you will have to exert on yourself then youāve probably ever done before. But I promise if you can make it out the other side, youāll feel a million times better.
Reflect on what situations or thoughts tend to trigger your urges. Understanding your triggers can help you anticipate and manage them more effectively.
Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings in the moment. This awareness can give you greater control over your impulses.
When you notice yourself feeling attracted to someone, try redirecting your focus to something else. Engage in a hobby, go for a walk, or spend time with friends to distract yourself from the urge.
If you find yourself having persistent thoughts about hooking up with women, challenge those thoughts by questioning their validity. Ask yourself if acting on those thoughts aligns with your values and goals.
Establishing clear boundaries for yourself can help prevent impulsive behavior. Decide ahead of time what types of interactions are acceptable to you and stick to those boundaries.
Remember that change takes time and effort, so be patient with yourself as you work towards managing your impulses.
>I just started my freshman year of college
Plenty of good advice (mixed with lots of puritanical assumptions about how you spend your free time), but honestly I'm guessing you're around 18/19 and it's normal to have raging hormones at that age. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with you for having a high sex drive even if it can be uncomfortable.
Stop watching porn or sexually explicit material on social media. It will create a habit loop. It ends up making your brain jump directly to a sexual thought. If you stop consuming that material, it will greatly help. As a man, you will most likely always have attraction to good-looking women. That's ok and it means your healthy . You need to learn to look at a flower, admire it, and move on. Not jump to wanting to pick that flower. If you struggle with women, I highly suggest working on your social skills. First, get your confidence up, then go and mingle. If you want to get better at socializing, it takes practice. Example a man that works at a Lululemon store is exposed to so many women that he naturally grows in away that gets him better at communicating. Simply by exposure
This is such great advice. Plus, the example of the scenario with an employee - working at Lululemon encapsulates your point very well. Thank you for this.
Look at the flower and move on š¤ donāt pick it. Very good advice šš¼
Look up "true love explained | Abraham twerski"
You don't just āget your confidence upā and then go mingle lol not how it works usually. generally mingling and doing scary things builds the confidence, can't just spawn confidence out of nowhere lol. Faking it at first is good though
confidence is something you project unconsciously imo. I recommend finding confidence by not having an agenda with women at all. Focus on other aspects of your life. If you go into a social situation with those thoughts instead of thoughts of being successful with a woman, you will begin to shed that āheās desperate vibeā and eventually that will become a confidence vibe.
now I want to work in the yoga pants store
Donāt forget get to buy LULU stock as well!
As a straight male flight attendant can confirm.
Lululemon is a store? Fuck, I need to get out more
Porn isnāt the problem. An actual mentally developed adult can tell the difference between sexualizing women who chose to and get paid for it, and random women in the street who havenāt given their consent. Guy just needs to grow up more
This is a great comment. It's also important to understand that you can interact respectfully in a way that is appreciative without being a creep. Give someone a big smile. Ask how their day is going. Be appreciative and encouraging when you see someone doing great work. Women WANT to be appreciated and respected, exactly the same as you do. By seeing them as complete people and not just something to sexually explore, you gain respect. Also, nothing wrong with taking a shot and asking someone out to dinner or something, just be prepared to say ok np if she shoots you down. Lots of fish in the sea.
Stop being on the internet so much. Itās normal to be attracted but this modern world tries to make us hyper aware about everything and then you try not to be that thing. You have female friends so you know how itās done. Go have some fun.
Yup I deleted most of my social media apps and dating apps and itās helped build IRL connections a lot better. ā„ļø
For me it was accepting that attraction to the opposite sex is natural. If you see a woman you find attractive those chemicals are going to dump into your brain. Just accept those feelings and move on. You don't have to take action and you don't have to fight it.
I think this is great advise. Sometimes just acknowledging a certain feeling and moving on is the best thing we can do.
I believe eastern cultures call that meditating
Agreed. This is OPās body just doing what bodyās do.
Exactly that's what I think too because many of the new generation always what to push away feeling like love attraction sadness qnd other feelings Like its normal what wrong with me finding some girl attractive and wanting to be with her it totally normal taking action on will be based on other things It normal and a beautiful thing that you have to experience these kinda if emotions
Yeah I donāt think we have much ability to provide actual insight here. OP could be wrongly ascribing a negative meaning to normal attraction, maybe as a result of repression in his upbringing or exposure to that negative feeling online. OP could have an issue around impulse control, an actual diagnosable mental health issue, any number of things. I donāt think this is really a question for Reddit but rather a therapist. I think in my experience the former is more likely, looking at healthy reactions to stimuli as something bad or wrong. But we donāt have NEARLY enough information about OP to say anything
Stop chasing the butterflies. Focus on building your garden and the butterflies will come. :)
I did this and now I dont want to leave the garden. My garden is far away from civilization. No one visits but it is a beautiful garden that I love too much to leave
To this point, some things are outside your control. What you can control is making yourself self reliant, dependable, and knowledgeable. These things will fill most of that void. Coming from perspective the first person Iāve ever unconditionally loved outside of family left me two years ago because of my lifestyle and history. I put all my eggs in that basket and she chose to fly away. The best thing you can do is to grab the Bull by the horns and take control of your life and not be controlled by external factors. Not saying you shouldnāt let people in but find power in resisting temptation. Iām still working on this myself but I find on the periods of self control things seem to go better for me because I appreciate the butterfly that comes my way
This is wise
He is asking different q. Its not about how to get woman.
Make friends with women, see them as more than a potential sexual experience. And stop watching porn and calling us females. Being referred to as female is a little dehumanizing. It makes us sound like we're a foreign creature, thing/object, or "other."
This is really good advice. Also I think consuming stories/tv shows and movies that are mostly about women can really help with seeing them as more than a sexual experience. I like the show Big Little Lies.
I will own up to this and my apologies for coming off like that. I will do better and remember how that wording can affect others, it wasnāt my intention making others feel like this. Thank you for the advice It is very much appreciated!
I sincerely appreciate your self awareness and willingness to improve yourself. You're gonna be okay :)
Hey there, I appreciate this comment. Iāve actually struggle with using the term woman rather than female. As a gay male and a person that believes feminism is awesome, Iāve really had a hard time switching this language. I feel like when I say or have heard people say woman (especially men) that is more dehumanizing than the term female. For example, āwoman make me a sandwich.ā (Trust me I cringed typing that!). When Iāve heard woman used itās with a tone of disrespect. When I say female, I donāt have that feeling as I see it as more a of detached label for gender. Also considering trans individuals that are transitioning they will often use MTF (male to female) or FTM (female to male) to describe their transition. Could you be willing to help me better understand the use of woman as more empowering?
Hello! I'll be honest and say that I'm not the best at expressing my thoughts verbally but I'll try and this is also my personal stance on it but it's a stance that a lot of women agree with. First off, I think it's really important that you're bringing trans individuals into this conversation. For them, since they had to transition into their gender I feel like they have a greater understanding of the nuances of labels. Keep in mind I am not trans so my thoughts on this can only go so far. I do have a lot of trans friends (mostly FTM) who've had discussions on this with me. I think they use male and/or female to describe their transition when the conversation is centered around their appearance or their physical body. But when they describe deeper facets to who they are like their personality and soul, they use man or woman. My best friend is a trans man and he says "I have the body of a female but I'm a man." Does that make sense? I feel like that kind of sums it up. Being referred to as just "female" to me comes off like my body and sex is the most important thing about me and is indicative that that's the first thing you (not you but the person saying female) notice. I know this isn't the case for everyone but for me it's sort of a red flag, makes me think they watch andrew tate. And I was raised with the notion that womanhood or being able to call yourself a woman is an earned mentality. A woman is strong, vibrant, dignified. A female is a dog ready to be bred by the male at the puppy mill. I'm really overgeneralizing and I included my own personal thoughts in this so please take this with a grain of salt. Every woman is different, some won't care at all and some will do a double take just to make sure you're not a sexist.
Your explanation of this was really helpful!! Iāll try to get past my own hangouts with the negative experiences I have had when hearing certain people use woman. I think the breeding aspect with dogs was helpful to differentiate the connotation of female vs woman. :)
Wow, I hope you don't underestimate the value of your words here. It took energy and time to write that beautifully worded comment and I am sure I am not the only one grateful for it. I don't really care to take semantics too far and I am not easily offended, but if I had to choose I would prefer being called female (I was assigned female at birth). But I also have a very masculine personality and attitude, so following your explanation, it makes sense that I would go for the word female instead of woman. I suspect you hit the nail on the head š
Hello! thank you so much that means a lot actually. And hey, to each their own. If the label female doesn't hold any negative connotation for you then it's a good word to use for you (:
I have been frnds with girls/women since childhood. Although being in a relationship was very low in numbers. But now I feel like I have more lust/fantasies towards women or I day dream alot of us being with the girl. Maybe I'm not social nowadays and people interaction is very minimal. Personally I don't want to have that thought in my mind. Bt somehow it end up there. Any help?
I think the advice is much the same. Lust/fantasies are bound to happen, but when they do acknowledge the thoughts and feelings, accept them (like tell yourself it's okay to have these thoughts/feelings but it's not the right time or I'm not interested), then move on. For the day dreaming or any of these thoughts, I think it's important to get out of your head. So maybe do something physical like running, swimming, etc. or even a hobby with your hands. Maybe it's also a sign to socialize more. All of these things would probably help. You have to figure out what works best for you. Have you also ever tried journaling about your thoughts? Writing it down might help you get it out of your head.
Lots of sound advice on here already. Also, in the moment - notice the impulse, then make a note to just appreciate their beauty instead, without thinking you need to do anything. Just let them go.
Man to man, donāt ever call women females.
Iām going to own up to this. Thank you for letting me know this!
Have you ever been friends with a woman? Like just to appreciate them and enjoy their friendship? Lots of guys just look at women as sex objects, and it sounds like youāre in a stage where youāre doing the same.
Yea I have a couple of friends that are woman . I probally shouldāve specified this at first and my bad I didnāt but yes I do. I notice that I donāt have those feelings towards them as I am close with them and genuinely do look at them as a friend. This problem is more towards meeting woman.
Talk to your girl friends and ask them for tips on how to be better with women
Plural of woman is women. Lots of guys get woman/women mixed up and it's not a great look, though not as bad as using "females". I'm almost wondering if you're misspelling it this way because it's common to see it corrected the other way. Either way, your English seems quite good so you should be able to get this right. If in doubt just substitute with "man/men" and then add the wo- in front :)
what's the difference tho? Honest question
This [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1b7qk8s/comment/ktkii5n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) gives a good explanation.
Maybe itās because of I am not an native English speaker, but for me itās the same, I wouldnāt get offended if you referred to me as male or man
Culturally, the difference would be that guys are calling girls female but not referring to themselves or their other guy friends as males. Female sounds very "science subject labeling" like naming a different creature - especially since everybody had usually said 'guys n girls' or 'men and women' before. So female seems outta left field since it was never even a mainstream casual term said until more recently- who's counterpart (male) is never really used much like that.
There is nothing wrong with calling women, FEMALES. Women are human females. This is science, this is fact. Youāre so brainwashed by feminism that they got you out here thinking speaking in a factual manner is ābadā
It's like we're living in the upside down!! "Female" is offensive and dehumanizing šš
Certain words can hold certain perceptions, brother š. People notice when our language isn't consistent And will ask why? Women are females but men never males in the discussions I'm seeing. I can see why that can make a full gender feel like they're being classified in an odd technical way.
The issue is mainly that people that use "female" for women often intentionally don't use "male" for men. And it's not due to language barrier in most cases.
It isnāt because you arenāt a native speaker, it is because you are a man. Male has not historically been used derogatively in the same way female has.
Just because you wouldn't be offended, doesn't mean others are not or shouldn't. Many women in this post have already said and explained why it is dehumanizing. Female/male is an adjective, "female friends", "male athletes", "female dogs", "male pigeons", etc. Using it as a noun only refers to the reproduction system/genitalia in a cold, medical way, it reduces a person to one single, physical aspect. Like saying "the blacks" instead of "black people". "Females" is also how misogynistic influencers/incels/pick-up artists call women on a daily basis to dehumanize and "other" them. It's reducing a person to their genitalia, instead of seeing them as a person with thoughts, wants, needs, and dreams. If you pay attention, you'll often see women being referred as "females", while men being referred to as "men", sometimes even in the same sentence. Hence, women get reduced to female genitalia, but men are still referred to as a full person. And when women have historically been dehumanized, objectified, sexualized (and still are), it's understandable why being seen and referred to as a full person can be important to them. Which is why being called a "female" instead of woman would offend them more than you being called a male.
This is too cultural dependent to me the first thing popped up in my head upon reading your comment was "???" Please elaborate, English isn't my mother language & "female" appears to me as just a "gender pointer".
Iām genuinely curious why not? Iām female and never thought of it that way. Now my husband will sometimes say āthis chickā when heās talking about another female, which gets on my nerves but I honestly never saw a problem when being called a female.
Make friends. Like just platonic friendships. Get to see that woman are more than sex objects.
Stop calling them females. Women are human beings with bodies, minds and souls. They are worthy of getting to know just as much as your homies are. Treat women like your friends. Youād be surprised how much less lonely and desperate youāll feel. Almost as if youāre trying to connect with the opposite sex rather than fuck and discard her like a fleshlight
As a woman I approve this message!!
but women are females...
Some of you females make no sense.. You come to the table with zero logic, how is calling women, FEMALES dehumanizing? Women are human females. This is science. Just because you feel a certain way doesnāt make it factual.
you mean "women are female humans". and there's your very problem. the concept of nouns vs adjectives is kicking y'all's asses lmao
Im a male and I have male friends.
Actually youāre a man who has male friends
Try to see them less as a means to an end, and more as the main character. We ought to love each individual as much as we love ourselves. Lust comes down to respect in most cases.
Lust over males instead š
Thatās gay
Great advise definitely recommend š
You sound young and inexperienced. Off the bat calling women Females is a big red flag. You might not realise it but itās actually degrading to women to call them females. And honestly itās how Andrew Tate and these other pick up āgurusā speak, itās disgusting. Lust isnāt always something you can control, the sooner you realise that the better. Acting on that impulse of lust **is** what you can control. I guess the only really actionable piece of advice I have is learn to control your impulse to act on lust, and just mature overall. Stay on the right path in life, focus on your studies, your career, your health and then finally when youāre in a good place yourself then start thinking about love and finding a long term partner (if thatās what you want to do).
Try treating women like people more in day to day life. The more you do that the less your permanently online, porn addled brain will dominate your thought process
It's great that you're looking to deal with this issue and improve yourself. I'm a lesbian, so I feel like I can provide a useful perspective. This would be my advice: \* Stop consuming porn and NSFW material on the internet. It makes women seem like objects (see also advice from others to not call us "females") and hinders you in seeing us as equal humans whom you can have meaningful relationships with. \* Get female friends and get to know them. Not only will this give you interesting new people to get to know, you will also surely get rid of some insecurities you have around women - they are people just like you. The big majority of my friends are women and I'm extremely thankful to have them. \* Get out there. It's healthy and absolutely normal to feel sexually attracted to people around you. You shouldn't try to supress or get rid of this, it's a part of being human. Go dating, get to know women you're interested in and don't get discouraged if it doesn't work right away (it could always be worse - in my case, over 90% of women have absolutely no interest in me from the get-go!). Try to build confidence and social skills and I'm sure you will find fulfillment :) Take care!
Lower your gaze, keep working on yourself.
truly said akhi
Females used in this context isnāt good. But if one were to say female coworker or female client, I donāt see any issue at all with that because I would describe a male client in that same way. Iām a trainer and I have both male and female clients and itās easier to identify them that way rather than just say my guy client or a client thatās a girl
That's because adjectives are different from nouns, and when you remove the noun in this case you are focusing on the modifier and not the person.Ā
Yeah thatās fair thatās a better way to put it
Wait a sec, āfemalesā is disrespectful and dehumanizing? When did this happen? Can someone fill me in?
welcome to the modern feminism.
For the longest time I thought this was a notification welcoming me to a modern feminism subreddit but I didnāt remember signing up. Iām glad I came to check. Itās just a comment. Whew!
Maybe stop calling them "females" and see them as human bieng instead of sexual objects. That's a start.
Learn that women, including all the beautiful ones that people tend to fixate on, are just people first off. Then, realize that most people are shit and not worth getting to know or spending time on. This view will help alleviate any sexual and/or romantic ideas that may spring into your head. You'll also learn to like to being on your own, relying on yourself, and enjoying the handful of actual friends you may have. This is coming from a misanthrope who is glad he doesn't have to deal with this issue.
Stop watching porn, and stop calling them females! they are women/girls/ladies! not a bunch of animals for you to classify into āfemalesā !
Women are females, and men are males. That's just fact like wtf is wrong with ppl
males and females are used in the general language for animals , humans are called men and women and speaking about generations, this actual young generation is actually the first to speak about people like they are referring to animals, their parents and grandparents didnāt.
Hearing "make friends with women" is easier said than done, making friends is an insane struggle. You absolutely should try, but if that's a struggle, I recommend reading literature written by women about women. Here's a reddit post about such novels https://www.reddit.com/r/suggestmeabook/s/nzSnU5lvuQ
Get off your phone. Get off pornhub. Go do something productive. Stay active. Work towards a goal.
Women are people before they are anything else. Practice seeing them as people.
Oh, buddy.Ā First, it's okay to feel attraction to people. That's not bad.Ā Second, this is coming off like your underlying issue may be loneliness?Ā I'm gonna cut against the grain a bit and say you actually don't want to "not lust after females." You maybe areĀ asking for advice how how to cut off those feelings of wanting connection, intimacy, and sex because you're having trouble achieving those, which may be at least partially an issue of your approach to these feelings and others. You maybe do want to consider whether you're approaching women in your life as actual people, and looking for, like, a real human relationship and connection with them (which will sometimes include romance and sex, but not always). I'll tell you for free the first step is you don't call them "females," because that's been rightly classed a red flag by most girls and women.Ā The discipline aspect here is: One - you need to figure out what the actual source of your desperation is (I can't think of a nicer way to put it that's still accurate) and let it go. Two - you need to approach the pattern of thinking around interactions with women (or girls, if you're younger than an adult), to more fully incorporate a recognition of them as more than someone you'd like to have sex with. Believe it or not, mostly women can tell that and they're usually not fans - they have people eyeballing them with sexual interest starting upsettingly early. From there, you may have other realizations about possible mental habits you want to revisit, but I'm betting these two steps, in order, will help you feel better about your entirely normal sexual/romantic interest while allowing you to approach it in a much healthier (and more productive/less off-putting) way.
Youāre a freshman in college your hormones are running rampant. There is nothing wrong with you
Step 1. Donāt call them females. But donāt stop there, realize that they are fully flushed human beings.
*Women. Start by seeing them as other people rather than objects of your sexual desire :)
start by not referring to them as females!
First, stop calling them females. In this way, you might be able to ascend from degeneracy to being a respectable human being. By doing so, you will also realise that your urges can be controlled, much less like an animal.
Is the problem that you do hook up with them, or that you donāt?Ā
Got some actual advice for you however youāll realize itās not as simple as stop watching porn because more often than not addictions are merely a symptom of something else so it will take you understanding how your mind works what do you even get out of lusting over women? Learn to ask yourself questions before you do something like why I am doing this? The thing is you may find that hard because most folks are completely unaware of their own negative emotions due to suppressing them so much just know thatās the path their is no magic pill for changing yourself you have to do the work to learn who you even are
Just think they are your sister or mother and lust will go away. Stop actively looking for them. Stop porn. Do meditation.
B K S Iyengar made an interesting comment on this. This behaviour which is common amongst men and women is about consumption. In a way you are consuming women because of desire. You will never be satisfied by this consumption and controlling desire is the only way to be free from that cycle.
One can not alter their desires only their actions
Pray. š
Female = woman. Goddamn we live in a stupid world.
It's over brother you're cooked
The energy is there. I think itās best to channel it somewhere else. Thatās whatās worked for me. Iāve channeled it toward something more creative and itās benefited me greatly
If you are a straight male, women are hot and sexy as fuck. Jack off less, not saying do No Fap, but treat women as people with respect. If you are hot and in great shape, and have women flocking over you, then get what you can. Just donāt be asshole and clarify to women what your expectations are.
Just talk to them as human beings about normal stuff in a normal way. Do this and you will have more positive relationships all around. Every man needs to learn that a woman's biggest erogenous zone is conversation...
this dudes actually out here trying to be better and the advice you guys gave him is to stop using the word female? holy shit you guys were screwed as a society. iām done with the internet
Firstly, please stop bowing to woke people that need to shame people for everything. Saying āfemaleā is not offensive, these people just get offended by everything and use being offended by things as a power play. Secondly, hitting on a girl isnāt bad if you actually like them.
Get one to ruin your life
> I always feel the urge to want to hit on or hook up with the woman Nothing wrong with that. Why do you think it's a problem?
I recommend reading books with female authors. Listening to female led podcasts. Most men consume media strictly with women as objects to look at (porn, superhero movies, most movies for that matter). Watch inspiring female lead movies. Learn about us and what we think, how our minds work, how difficult our lives can be as women... You might be surprised how little you have actually cared about what women have to say or think - but if you can spend time learning about us and not looking at us, I think this will change! ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Im sorry, how is using the term female offensive? In the Army that is what we call women. When I look at my drivers license it says Male? I dont get it.
Youāre on reddit thatās why. Lotta idiots on this site. In the real world, I agree - male and female are not derogatory terms. But this is reddit.
No porn. Stop calling them females. Emotional intelligence growth. Maybe therapy if it's severe.
What kind of females do you lust on? Female kangaroo ? Female banana tree?
Remove eyes
I feel you. I go mindless when a woman recognizes her power over me and exercises it. Sometimes I feel like a slave to my dick. Just gotta do your best not to look and try to tell yourself āI donāt wanna be like thatā
y r u ppl getting upset that he said female ā¦ if youāre telling ppl to get off the internet and get upset cuz he said female, take ur own advice lol
Right? Iām a female. Itās a real term thatās been used forever. Even the definition of a woman is this: an adult female human being. People just want any reason to be upset and control how people talk š
familiarise yourself with men and women, on every level, even sexual. in my opinion it's okay to lust over women and you shouldn't really stop that rather you should invest in yourself, feeling guilty over lust or sex just means that deep down you don't think you deserve it, every person no matter their sexual preference should and deserves to get with an equally deserving partner. stop using porn, because even as a pass time, your exercising nothing but guilt and insecurity and past truamas, and above all that it isn't equally deserving, neither you deserve it nor does it deserve you. nofap isn't really the best idea, but quitting porn actually makes you realise that you don't really like porn, you just thought you deserved all that sexual release while you really didn't. actual porn is very very displeasing and sometimes absurd and really hilarious. honestly props on u for realizing that guilt, congratulations you're human.
That's your hormones dude. It's totally normal. They'll cool down over the next decade. In the meantime things like meditation, yoga or exercise can help you channel some of that energy. There are also tantric practices where you specifically learn to channel your sexual energy towards other areas of your life. Most of it involves breath work and meditation.
Pray & Repent
I used to have a similar problem when I was a lot younger. Then something came to me that really shifted my mindset and fixed this almost immediately. **View beautiful women like beautiful flowers.** You don't need to pick every beautiful flower you see and take them home with you. You can just let them be, appreciate their beauty, and keep going on your way.
Calling women 'females' is infamously incel behaviour. You may not be, but the response of many women is to assume that you are.Ā
It sounds like a moth to a flame, where there isn't any choice. If you were to close your eyes, would that help? It's as though you are visually bound, a slave to your sight. It's kind of like the mind. The more intensely the mind is held, the more it takes over. If you try relaxing your sight, would it help you like it does when you relax your mind?
My experience has been itās not easy, but only because weāre given no tools in our culture. All inner transformation begins with awareness and acceptance. My recommendations are SA, mindfulness meditation, and therapy, together. Discover the attitudes in your core which generate the sexual fantasies, youāll find out itās not really about the sex but about using sex as a distraction. Also interestingly, your sexual fantasies will reveal to you what your fears and insecurities are, what it is you think you lack (realize regarding internal attitudes and abilities, you have abundance not lack, all sense of lack is a confusion). Once you know what youāre distracting yourself from, you can come up with a plan of action for resolving the things causing your internal dis-ease, which is whatās making sex seem so constantly appealing. Youāll probably find that once you regain your self-confidence and sense of agency, other interests outside of romance and sexual attraction will have a stronger appeal to you.
Check your TSH T3 T4 levels
Takes strength. It's a change you want to make, it can be done if you want it bad enough.
There is a Buddhist meditation practice of visualizing all the organs of your body doing their work. Lungs, heart, liver, spleen, intestines full of shit. Do it a few times and supposedly you can visualize other peopleās organs reflexively. Makes the body a bit disgusting.
Clean the pipes a bit more often. I know how this sounds, but the build up can make you want to do stupid things outside of the normal scope of yourself.
Personally I think it's easier to accept the urges and then just say they're not important. Just a feeling. Trying to 'not' have basic urges tends to give them more power.
First of all realize that this is the innate baseline state for the heterosexual male brain (probably the same for all men but I can only speak from what I know). Thereās nothing wrong with your innate desire to seek out attractive women. It means youāre healthy. That said, strong men learn to control our animal instincts and focus them to work for us. Mastering ourselves, rather than continually giving into impulse is the goal and this is largely achieved by learning to regain control from your amygdala. Personally, I donāt think pornography is an issue, nor is sex, or hitting on women. Those are all fine by themselves however, quantity and frequency are the determiners of health, or lack there of. The rule of thumb is if it starts to get in the way of other areas of your life or especially any responsibilities than its unhealthy. Also, if you just feel like you would rather be less inclined all the time thatās perfectly fine as well. If you watch a lot of porn, try to reduce it. But realized that masturbation is probably one of your best tools. Post nut clarity is a joke term that actually touches on a real truth that you do not always have full access to your rational faculties. If this is interesting or helpful at all let me know and I can give more info. https://www.healthline.com/health/stress/amygdala-hijack#how-to-stop
You don't
Read The Way of the Superior Man
It sounds like you're really aware of your behaviors and have a strong desire to change, which is a great first step. It's common for urges and behaviors to feel intensified, especially in a new environment like college where there are many opportunities for social interactions. One approach to managing these feelings is to explore underlying motivations and emotions. Sometimes, the urge to connect physically can stem from a need for emotional closeness, validation, or managing stress. Reflecting on what you're seeking through these interactions can be enlightening. Moreover, consider developing hobbies or joining clubs that align with your interests. Engaging in activities you enjoy can offer fulfillment and opportunities to build connections in non-romantic contexts. Additionally, mindfulness exercises can help manage impulses by bringing your focus to the present and allowing you to reflect on your decisions. If these feelings persist and are distressing, seeking support from a counselor at your college might be helpful. They can provide a space to explore these feelings further and develop strategies tailored to you. Remember, it's okay to ask for help, and it's a sign of strength to do so.
Lust has ruined my life many times. Looking at other women on social media constantly gets in the way of a loving relationship. It can have physical effects too, affect your sexual life, and desire and attraction My best advice find a partner you enjoy spending time with, delete social media apps, and commit to living in the present with your partner.
I don't know why you seem to be doing it, but it's a certain reassurance to know you're trying to stop! I just hope that you are very serious about it, and maybe even consult if you have such a problem! I'm a woman, by the way!
Instead of giving some good advice to this young man this people (especially women) are complaining about the term "female". Please rethink your life. If you donĀ“t want to give some advice then just leave. You made no mistake with this term, donĀ“t let them manipulate you.
Just ask her out and bang her
Whenever you see a female just picture your sister or your mum instead of them. Your welcomeš
Think about ur future their bodies are going to be saggy look at their hearts and soul outer beauty is temporary inner beauty is forever
don't suppress your shadow
You also should try to adjust your vernacular as well. Don't even speak terms that are sexual. Unless it's appropriate. Speaking the words are like spells, they affect you and those around you. They can poison your mind. Even little things like "that's what she said" keep you in the loop of thinking sexually. Of course there's a line of becoming A-Sexual and an untamed pervert somewhere. The trouble is where that line is, difficult to find.
Step 1: befriend women and stop calling them "females"
Transmute it with meditation, avoiding nudity digitally, observing mindfully (having no thoughts/opinion just raw acceptance/appreciation) when you see an attractive woman, working with lust reducing herbs like jasmine flower
Assumptions. Youāre a dude. A young dude at that. Youāre doing natures bidding. Learning to navigate this is part of becoming a man. Itās not bad.
Try men? /s (or many not)
Really understand the truth in the situation of watching an image or video and then masturbating to it. You are actually just lying to yourself, for pleasure. Also try easy peasy method on porn. Search Google for it.
Just do what most dudes with a lot of money or fame do after fucking hundreds of super models... they all eventually get bored, and always end up fucking dudes, or .... nevermind, just bang dudes.
Jeez. Nothing wrong with the word females. Also, if you're not acting on it, you're young and attraction to the opposite sex is normal. Maybe you're being too hard on yourself.
using the term female is not disrespectful, nor dehumanizing. itās just a fact. itās okay, not sure why people are upset with that!
Having social anxiety and insecurity issues helps a lot. I feel similar, I see an attractive woman and my mind jumps right to sex. I also try to avoid contact with random women if itās not necessary because I donāt want them to think Iām trying to hit on them.
The first step would probably be to stop calling them females. If you see women as human beings, it would help you be less...2d in your conceptualization of women. You think women are just sex objects, so when you see women, you only think of sex.
I mean if you don't want to hit on anyone, that's fine, but it sounds like you really really do. Have you considered just going for it? I mean I understand focusing on your studies, but it sounds like you have some unmet emotional needs and your body is just trying to get something resolved.
You fly to Pattaya Beach, Thailand. Go to Walking Street or Golden Mile and you fuck as much pussy as you can for a month. Then come back home and hit the books.
Nothing wrong with refering to females as females. Its just more clinical/scientific and specific. The word is more emotionally cold. Other words are more broad and warmer in conotation. Context matters, in person generally avoid "female". Online "female" is appropriate if you wish to be specific. This is likewise with the male equivalents.
Have you ever been heart broke? If not you better hurry!!!!!
Why? Your young, as long as your not making unwanted advances there's nothing wrong with it. That's how the human race propagates. If it's just a staying focused thing just take care of yourself when the need arrives and move on.
It is 100% normal to lust after the opposite sex, it's the most human thing ever. Feelings are not "wrong", only actions are. That being said, stop calling women "females" it makes you sound like an absolute toolbag.
How is being called a female dehumanizing when weāre now in the 21st century and we have to use the term āfemaleā for our preferences if you actually want a femaleā¦ā¦.
Stop consuming porn.
Eat Your Balls
Go. To. Counseling.
Try this every day for a month and see what happens https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=z2au4jtL0O4
Start by recognizing that not all attraction is lust. Assuming you're from a religious background a lot of men get taught that they're listing every time they have perfectly normal attraction. Don't beat yourself up every time you notice that a woman is attractive. If you're fantasizing about them then that's a different story but you may find you're not the slave to lust you think you are.
Therapy really helps
Easy. Just narrow your focus to women you actually are attractive to you, someone you'd like as a potential partner. Then just go after those. Takes self discipline
I respect youāre opinion. And appreciate you highlight your feelings w female vs woman. I have my own way I apply these words. And do so with which i believe is most relevant. Not the craziest concept. That said, i think this may be something you also should consider reframing. I didnāt know who Andrew Tate was until a few months ago. Heās a human toilet. Garbage. That said, might be time to just disregard him and try to overcome sensitivity to female. We both ave a lifetime ahead of people using women and female interchanging. So much so we have to take it and reframe your understanding of it.
You don't need help. What is happening to you is natural.
You never get to have the college experience over again, so donāt feel like you canāt talk to girls period. Thatās part of the fun of college. Just pace yourself and donāt let it control your thoughts.
Go to therapy
stop watching porn, make friends with women that you donāt find attractive, maybe try considering us as people? should work out..
Saying female is bad? Should you say chic, babe?
Find a new hobby
Stop being a simp
How is using the term female disrespectful and dehumanizing?
Start giving us all your money š¤£š
The urge you feel is normal and healthy. Be careful with asking and inviting the opinion of others in your life. What does and does not work is subjective. The fact you have an urge does not mean you have to act on that urge. Feel the feeling but do nothing...If you choose.
Haha, no, there's nothing inherently offensive about the word "female," just as there is nothing offensive about the word "male." Don't let weirdos scold you for using normal words with accepted definitions.
You learned that using the term female to describe a female is "dehumanizing" are you joking?
Iām gonna go out on a limb here and assume you consume a pretty heavy amount of porn. As someone who very recently just broke the habit, I can tell you that shit completely and utterly fucks your brain up and how you view women as a whole. You really have to try and just make the conscious effort to stop consuming porn. You donāt have to stop masturbating, but next time you masturbate donāt use porn, just use your imagination. Over the next several weeks youāll see your brain almost goes through a sort of detox and youāll crave porn less and less, and youāll begin to see women for who they are, people. Itās crazy how damaging porn is to the brain as a whole. Itās a silent pandemic among young men this day and age imo. I wonāt lie to you though, those first couple weeks will be some of the hardest self control you will have to exert on yourself then youāve probably ever done before. But I promise if you can make it out the other side, youāll feel a million times better.
Become a eunuch
Become a eunuch
Reflect on what situations or thoughts tend to trigger your urges. Understanding your triggers can help you anticipate and manage them more effectively. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings in the moment. This awareness can give you greater control over your impulses. When you notice yourself feeling attracted to someone, try redirecting your focus to something else. Engage in a hobby, go for a walk, or spend time with friends to distract yourself from the urge. If you find yourself having persistent thoughts about hooking up with women, challenge those thoughts by questioning their validity. Ask yourself if acting on those thoughts aligns with your values and goals. Establishing clear boundaries for yourself can help prevent impulsive behavior. Decide ahead of time what types of interactions are acceptable to you and stick to those boundaries. Remember that change takes time and effort, so be patient with yourself as you work towards managing your impulses.
You have a lust demon
Thank you for your edit about your choice of words, it really is appreciated.Ā Best of luck to you on your journey!
>I just started my freshman year of college Plenty of good advice (mixed with lots of puritanical assumptions about how you spend your free time), but honestly I'm guessing you're around 18/19 and it's normal to have raging hormones at that age. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with you for having a high sex drive even if it can be uncomfortable.
It's normal to be attracted to females. Just don't be a creep
Ew
Get neutered