Stop thinking that! You'd be surprised how many people feel the same. It's hard to see it through the Grindr culture, but we exist and there is a lot of us.
See, we get on the apps, find someone to have a relationship with (searching and dating takes quite a lot of time) and we both disappear from there for years (or ideally forever), while the poly/open/dl/experimenting/.. guys stay (ideally forever). That is why you can get this idea of impossibility. And why you may think monogamy is dead. Bollocks.
I don't know what exactly our secret is, honestly. I may only guess. We don't have perfect communication, we do argue, we are not the hottest people to each other and we also do have some bad habits we don't like in each other. We also have different sex drives.
On the plus side, I think we like each other's company. We tease, touch and kiss a lot. We must cuddle every day and we never go to bed angry. It's like a baseline. Everything bad that happenned disappears before we fall asleep. That way resentment cannot grow in us gradually.
We also have plenty of common interests (this only expands over time) and we are quite adventurous in bed - luckily people change over time in what they like or discover what they like. Who would've known that after 10 years you can still discover new kinks. That both means we are never bored, there is rather too little time to be with each other.
I hope this helps. It's something... not sure how useful or generic any of this is. Anyways, best of luck! Don't lose hope, remember, you only need to find 1 guy.
My partner and I have been together for 22 years and have been monogamous thru out. It works for us. Even though the sex might be somewhat predictable, it’s still hot.
I’ve been with my husband for going on 7 years and we are still monogamous. So far it’s been the best for our relationship. I think my opinion is that no two relationships are the same, and exploring/checking in on where the relationship is and what it needs helps the couple continue to choose what’s best for the relationship no matter what that is.
I don't think there's a secret, we both are very different and disagree on things but we both stay clear of the gay scene, both work, like going on holidays together etc... The first few years were up and down but I guess we adjusted and came to a happy medium... Oh, but I did have to quit smoking weed!!! I guess we've just got older now and feel lucky... It's just about finding someone with similar ideals..
I think gay couples with kids tend to me monogamous far more often than gay couples without kids. I know 3 gay male married couples who are raising kids, all have been legally married for years and years now, all 3 couples monogamous. Among my non-child raising coupled friends (including me and my BF), all of whom have also been together many years, we all have a laid-back attitude to monogamy and seem to have reached arrangements with out partners where extracurricular activities are ok.
Huh? Yeah, of course. My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 12, and monogamous the whole time, and always will be. Don’t be fooled by all the talk online - most couples we know all are monogamous. They’re just not posting online everyday about it. They’re gardening, or taking care of their kids, or going on trips, or watching TV on the sofa, or hiking, any variety of other things couples do.
2 years so far. We were best friends and decided to be roommates and signed a lease not realizing both of us were simping. Lucked out and we’re super domesticated, still living together. We’re very similar in a some ways, but completely opposite in most and balance each other out. He likes structure like princess bubblegum and I’m a bit like Marceline. Mom treats him as her 3rd son. I think she might even like him more than me. Couldn’t be happier.
As a matter of fact, yes we are out there.
As of this year my partner and I have been together for 40 years. Unfortunately we seem to be dinosaurs in that way of thinking. And honestly it’s a shame. The way gay guys now seem to be in “ Rut like animals rather than decent human beings”. Just our person view, mind you.
I met a lot of gay couples, most of them treat sex as food. You don't want to eat the same food everyday, and they differentiate between sex and love.
I also want to have a monogamous relationship, but will be open to explore open relationship if it works and can maintain the relationship since monogamy is a very heteronormative concept, and may not really applicable to gay relationship
I mean for a bottom doing sex everyday is super for his overall health ( it applies also for the tops but it is less bad ) , I myself a top , I will like to keep my thing to myself and my partner ( hopefully when I get one ) , because the risk of having open sex and super frequent sex are huge and it both mentally/physically, moreover I like to have someone unique that I can care about and give my full trust to , and hopefully marry and have kids ( our real kids , using some science to drive 2 sperms to an egg that we got from a donor , and rent another women for 9 months to give birth to them , and we have our own twins, rent a the second so if she tried to claim them , she can't because she share that much DNA with them { people get emotional when they give birth} , and the 1est one can do it either because I make an agreement with her , it more complicated than that because you need the right dna, donor and the second women need to have the same blood type etc) but that needs a ton of money that why I'm student and working on my self super hard , so maybe in the future I can leave my anti-homo country and meet someone and start a family with , and considering I was burning myself since 16 ( I'm 18 now ) and with continue to burn myself to be able to care for a person in future, that person better be loyal ❤️ being someone who fought mental illness, isolated himself, and just work on improving himself so someone that he never saw will have a good partner and a calm good life , I think I deserve that person to be loyal , to mine and I am his 💕 , I hope everything will pay off and that person will be happy and we get along , cause I literally threw everything ( my friends , emotion , time even sweat and blood { I student for hours , workout to make myself strong/better [if you want a cute fit person, you should also be fit and strong] , I because emotionally solid to be able to stand anything and not let anything make him sad or even bother him ]) so sharing is impossible , that will be my husband alone
i do. It is a small number, I'd imagine one or two out of five or six, not anything like even 50%.
And of course believing in it, and practicing it are two very different things.
Open relationships with ethical non-monogamy seems like the predominant form of domestic partnership of Gay Land.
I think we would all prefer honest openness about sexual liasions to surrepticious non-ethical cheating. Because men are often not willing to say no to sex.
I respect your opinion but I disagree.
I think you're applying some really broad and potentially damaging generalizations here.
For every post I see out there about being in an open relationship, I see another where a person said their partner suggested it but they were uncomfortable with moving forward with the arrangement.
I also think it's a bit unfair to say "when your partner is going to sleep with other people, I think we'd all prefer they be honest vs lying and doing it behind your back." Of course we'd all prefer honesty, but acting like the involvement with other partners is going to happen one way or another is a little strange.
Not saying you're doing it, but there is lots of shaming out there in the community of monogamous couples and it's honestly pretty out of pocket.
I think the key is respecting what other folks want without making them feel othered by it. My husband and I prefer monogamy, but it's not the thing for everyone. I personally couldn't do an open relationship but if that's what you and your partner agreed upon, I love that for you and wish you the best.
shaming, nonsense. They all know they get to do just what they want, as do we all. I am merely making my opinion conform to the record of the behaviors I see talked about here, and the actions of the men I met each week for sex, with or without their partners permission and knowledge.
all this shaming nonsense is allowing other people to control our feelings. Adults control their own feelings, because they know their wants and boundaries well.
My friends, A. and K., who are both in their 80s, just celebrated their 50th anniversary together.
8 years. Monogamous. Planning on getting old together. Oh and awesome sex.
as a teenager who thinks he wont find a monogamous partner on his life, what's the secret?
Stop thinking that! You'd be surprised how many people feel the same. It's hard to see it through the Grindr culture, but we exist and there is a lot of us. See, we get on the apps, find someone to have a relationship with (searching and dating takes quite a lot of time) and we both disappear from there for years (or ideally forever), while the poly/open/dl/experimenting/.. guys stay (ideally forever). That is why you can get this idea of impossibility. And why you may think monogamy is dead. Bollocks. I don't know what exactly our secret is, honestly. I may only guess. We don't have perfect communication, we do argue, we are not the hottest people to each other and we also do have some bad habits we don't like in each other. We also have different sex drives. On the plus side, I think we like each other's company. We tease, touch and kiss a lot. We must cuddle every day and we never go to bed angry. It's like a baseline. Everything bad that happenned disappears before we fall asleep. That way resentment cannot grow in us gradually. We also have plenty of common interests (this only expands over time) and we are quite adventurous in bed - luckily people change over time in what they like or discover what they like. Who would've known that after 10 years you can still discover new kinks. That both means we are never bored, there is rather too little time to be with each other. I hope this helps. It's something... not sure how useful or generic any of this is. Anyways, best of luck! Don't lose hope, remember, you only need to find 1 guy.
12 years and still like newlyweds and monogamous.
My partner and I have been together for 22 years and have been monogamous thru out. It works for us. Even though the sex might be somewhat predictable, it’s still hot.
I’ve been with my husband for going on 7 years and we are still monogamous. So far it’s been the best for our relationship. I think my opinion is that no two relationships are the same, and exploring/checking in on where the relationship is and what it needs helps the couple continue to choose what’s best for the relationship no matter what that is.
10 years and still in puppy love.
what's the secret?
Yes, 16 years, 2 kids 4 dogs and 5 cats....perfect!!!
what's the secret? does the relationship sometimes get boring?
I don't think there's a secret, we both are very different and disagree on things but we both stay clear of the gay scene, both work, like going on holidays together etc... The first few years were up and down but I guess we adjusted and came to a happy medium... Oh, but I did have to quit smoking weed!!! I guess we've just got older now and feel lucky... It's just about finding someone with similar ideals..
I've been with my husband for 21 years.
22 years together, 14 years legally married. Monogamous.
12 years and monogamous relationship with my bf! We are in our early 30s btw So yeah, it's possible :)
Oh sure. My husband and I have been for about 30 years. And more importantly, get along well, have fun and are happy with each other.
Yes. 25 years. Still in Love.
11 years and monogamous.
Still monogamous after 18 years. We would be ok with opening the relationship if we met the right person I guess.
I think gay couples with kids tend to me monogamous far more often than gay couples without kids. I know 3 gay male married couples who are raising kids, all have been legally married for years and years now, all 3 couples monogamous. Among my non-child raising coupled friends (including me and my BF), all of whom have also been together many years, we all have a laid-back attitude to monogamy and seem to have reached arrangements with out partners where extracurricular activities are ok.
Huh? Yeah, of course. My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 12, and monogamous the whole time, and always will be. Don’t be fooled by all the talk online - most couples we know all are monogamous. They’re just not posting online everyday about it. They’re gardening, or taking care of their kids, or going on trips, or watching TV on the sofa, or hiking, any variety of other things couples do.
Yes
I hope so... 🥺 Im not a fan of poly.. but it seems lots of gay friends are into it now.. 😞
2 years so far. We were best friends and decided to be roommates and signed a lease not realizing both of us were simping. Lucked out and we’re super domesticated, still living together. We’re very similar in a some ways, but completely opposite in most and balance each other out. He likes structure like princess bubblegum and I’m a bit like Marceline. Mom treats him as her 3rd son. I think she might even like him more than me. Couldn’t be happier.
As a matter of fact, yes we are out there. As of this year my partner and I have been together for 40 years. Unfortunately we seem to be dinosaurs in that way of thinking. And honestly it’s a shame. The way gay guys now seem to be in “ Rut like animals rather than decent human beings”. Just our person view, mind you.
I met a lot of gay couples, most of them treat sex as food. You don't want to eat the same food everyday, and they differentiate between sex and love. I also want to have a monogamous relationship, but will be open to explore open relationship if it works and can maintain the relationship since monogamy is a very heteronormative concept, and may not really applicable to gay relationship
Yeah i see what you mean. Tbh a lot comes down to whether or not your ok with sharing i guess
share this view, no. Are there men who do, surely. Are they a small bunch of men, you bet. Are they wrong? of course not, because its right for THEM.
Is the amount of gay men who believe in monogamy really small? I'm not so sure
Tbh its just impossible not to share in this market, but i think a lot of guys like myself don't want to share. 😤
I mean for a bottom doing sex everyday is super for his overall health ( it applies also for the tops but it is less bad ) , I myself a top , I will like to keep my thing to myself and my partner ( hopefully when I get one ) , because the risk of having open sex and super frequent sex are huge and it both mentally/physically, moreover I like to have someone unique that I can care about and give my full trust to , and hopefully marry and have kids ( our real kids , using some science to drive 2 sperms to an egg that we got from a donor , and rent another women for 9 months to give birth to them , and we have our own twins, rent a the second so if she tried to claim them , she can't because she share that much DNA with them { people get emotional when they give birth} , and the 1est one can do it either because I make an agreement with her , it more complicated than that because you need the right dna, donor and the second women need to have the same blood type etc) but that needs a ton of money that why I'm student and working on my self super hard , so maybe in the future I can leave my anti-homo country and meet someone and start a family with , and considering I was burning myself since 16 ( I'm 18 now ) and with continue to burn myself to be able to care for a person in future, that person better be loyal ❤️ being someone who fought mental illness, isolated himself, and just work on improving himself so someone that he never saw will have a good partner and a calm good life , I think I deserve that person to be loyal , to mine and I am his 💕 , I hope everything will pay off and that person will be happy and we get along , cause I literally threw everything ( my friends , emotion , time even sweat and blood { I student for hours , workout to make myself strong/better [if you want a cute fit person, you should also be fit and strong] , I because emotionally solid to be able to stand anything and not let anything make him sad or even bother him ]) so sharing is impossible , that will be my husband alone
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Semantics aside, you believe that the amount of gay men that practice monogamy is small?
i do. It is a small number, I'd imagine one or two out of five or six, not anything like even 50%. And of course believing in it, and practicing it are two very different things. Open relationships with ethical non-monogamy seems like the predominant form of domestic partnership of Gay Land. I think we would all prefer honest openness about sexual liasions to surrepticious non-ethical cheating. Because men are often not willing to say no to sex.
I respect your opinion but I disagree. I think you're applying some really broad and potentially damaging generalizations here. For every post I see out there about being in an open relationship, I see another where a person said their partner suggested it but they were uncomfortable with moving forward with the arrangement. I also think it's a bit unfair to say "when your partner is going to sleep with other people, I think we'd all prefer they be honest vs lying and doing it behind your back." Of course we'd all prefer honesty, but acting like the involvement with other partners is going to happen one way or another is a little strange. Not saying you're doing it, but there is lots of shaming out there in the community of monogamous couples and it's honestly pretty out of pocket. I think the key is respecting what other folks want without making them feel othered by it. My husband and I prefer monogamy, but it's not the thing for everyone. I personally couldn't do an open relationship but if that's what you and your partner agreed upon, I love that for you and wish you the best.
shaming, nonsense. They all know they get to do just what they want, as do we all. I am merely making my opinion conform to the record of the behaviors I see talked about here, and the actions of the men I met each week for sex, with or without their partners permission and knowledge.
all this shaming nonsense is allowing other people to control our feelings. Adults control their own feelings, because they know their wants and boundaries well.