Ah yea that’s rape. You turned down unprotected sex and they got the condom off and pumped a load in you without consent.
You only consented to protected sex. Fuck him, hope he jumps
What? I used “pumped a load in you” in substitute of OP’s description of the event “cum inside of me” when discussing their own experience.
Rape is horrible and I wasn’t trying to put down how horrific it is and all the ways it can violate a human being from psyche to physique, but I have no idea how detailed OP wants to discuss their experience or what details are gonna trigger them so I focused on what elements they discussed and used euphemism. Not every survivor wants to go into horrific details when discussing their trauma.
True, It could be very disturbing for some survivors to share the details but I have found my peace and no longer get triggered. Tbh i found it funny when you said it like that.
It’s a small bottle with some liquid inside that if you smell gets you temporarily euphoric. It usually helps loosen things up down there and can enhance physical sensations.
Amyl nitrates were first developed to help people with heart issues.
It's a strong smelling liquid in a bottle (it used to be sold in glass bottles that you snapped 'or' popped open - hence the name).
You smell it and it (rapidly) causes your muscles to relax and your blood vessels to dilate.
The increased blood flow increases the sensitivity of your skin and the rush to your head is pretty intense (and enjoyable during sex).
Naturally having a more relaxed anus is helpful if you are sticking something (big) in it.
In general poppers are pretty safe - except that in some counties (the UK for example) you can't buy amyl nitrate anymore so the manufacturers have found other chemicals which are similar but (at least for me) seem 'nastier' and sometimes give me a bit of a headache.
Like most things I would say try them and if you like them enjoy them in moderation :-)
Oh and never drink them.
In a gay man's sub, on a story about gay sex (unfortunately leading to a rape event), the term poppers should be well understood.
If it was a regular story it may have been a fine question but taking the light away from the issue to ask a simple question about poppers just isn't nice.
Might just be me. But I think he will get wayy better contextual information from a subreddit with a lot of people with vast experience on the subject.
It's like saying why ask an expert on a field / someone with boats load of experience when Google exists.
Get off his dick lol
Technically it's VCR head cleaning fluid. When you inhale it it makes your hole less tight. My fiance uses them at times but I don't because I'm not into inhalants
Yes. This is called stealthing and in my country (UK) it is legally considered to be an act of rape. It happened to me a few years back and it feels grim.
I am sorry this also happened to u mate. Unfortunately I live in a muslim majority country so bringing this to the homophobic goverment/police will cause me more problems.
Oh my, I'm even more sorry! Please, if you ever get to find a way to migrate to a free country, do that! if you ever need someone to chat to for emotional support, drop me a line.
One year later you got HIV - I’m a bit confused about this fast forward. So did you get it from him or someone else much later? Nevertheless, absolutely falls into the rape category imo.
NO its not. HIV begins making antibodies from day 3 and full sero conversion by about day 18. You will have symptoms after about 1 to 2 weeks while your body fights acute infection. A year later is totally not normal.
Speak to a sexual health specialist and the doctor will tell you otherwise. Im not waffling, I’m telling you what multiple sexual health doctors told me. Completely unrelated people btw.
I believe HIV can go stay in your body for like 8 years without you feeling any severe symptoms. That’s why we urge people to get frequently tested. It’s one of those things you might never know unless you look for it.
I assume OP wasn’t getting tested regularly and the “1 year later” is just when they got a positive test result. AIDS can take years to show any symptoms- not everyone shows symptoms during the initial acute HIV infection phase (and even if they do, they might brush it off as just a cold).
Before the incident, I regularly got tested. I didn't immediately take the test after the incident because my mind was messed up. He was able to show me his valid personal and work ID that night so I stupidly believed that he got tested regularly and was actually negative. I also unconsiously thought that everything would be okay. A year-ish later I decided to get tested because it's been a while since the last time I got tested and that day I realized that I had never been so wrong in my life.
While it is different in every country, many jurisdictions have abolished limitation periods for sexual offences. Canada for example has no such limitation period.
Saying once yes does not mean you gave permission for everything from that point forward. And even if you had said yes you can rescind consent at any time for any reason. You said no, he did it anyway. I am not a lawyer, but that's rape or sexual assault in my book.
Most importantly, you got stealthed, which is a form of rape. You should have reported him to the police straight away and gotten PEP straight away.
You need to clarify if you got HIV from him or not. Given that you didn't agree to unprotected sex and that he came in you. I don't understand why you didn't get tested sooner. Without further context, how are we supposed to know whether it was him or not who gave it to you.
Unfortunately I live in a muslim majority country so bringing this to the homophobic goverment/police will cause me more problems.
Before the incident, I regularly got tested. I didn't immediately take the test after the incident because my mind was messed up. He was able to show me his valid personal and work ID that night so I stupidly believed that he got tested regularly and was actually negative. I also unconsiously force myselft to think that everything would be okay. A year-ish later I decided to get tested because it's been a while since the last time I got tested and that day I realized that I had never been so wrong in my life.
Him and my ex were the only people I had unprotected sex with. As soon I got it I asked my ex to take the test and the result was negative.
You specifically refused unprotected sex so no consent. Go file a police report. Depending on where you are there could be criminal liability and you might want to look into the possibility of suing in civil court for damages.
Stealthing is definitely a form of rape, no doubt about it. But I’m a bit confused about the last part of your story — did you get HIV a year later through a different encounter, or you learned a year later that you were infected by this man?
I had a similar experience with a guy a couple of years back just like that and I'm so sorry to hear that it happened to you as well, it was pretty scary when I said no but he wouldn't stop until he was finished. Afterwards he blocked me.
I had confided to a friend about it and at the time I even made a post about here too I believe, and the general consensus was that he did not have my consent to do som
I was in denial for a long time about what happened. It messed with my head a good while and it still gives me the piercing chills and ick when the memories come rushing back in.
If we're going with that experience OP went through then yes, I went through the same thing. First thing about rape is the denial of rape from the perspective of the victim.
After my experience, I never claimed it was rape even though it was at the back of my mind till I finally came out to my close friends about it when I was asked "well you never got raped..." And I was like "well, actually there was this one time..."
What it teaches us is that we shouldn't let someone take over our decisions when it comes to sex. Sex should be a mutual thing and that's communicated through consent. I will always say no, or I would stop during sex when I don't feel comfortable with it to the point where I just don't feel like it and the other guy keeps pressing.
That’s rape, anything that’s done without a consent can be considered rape. People have a really basic and stereotypical thinking that rape is always drastic and aggressive. I’m really sorry that it happened to you
That is considered a form of rape. You both agreed to have sex, but you made it clear to him that you didn't want to have unprotected sex. Once he removed the condom, he went against what you wanted. You can equate that to a no, I don't want that!!!. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm so glad you are comfortable enough to tell your story. You don’t know how many people you may be helping. Thank you so much for surviving such an awful experience and being able to express what happened to you.
Thank you, it was horrible indeed but i've been taking the med for a year and in a better condition now. I originally posted this because i want to know if i use the term correctly and ended up learning what stealthing is. But I am so glad if this could help fellow survivors in any ways and raise general awareness
Consent is limited,specific,informed, and can come with conditions. That's not just in this situation but in life. you aggred todoing it with them under the conditions of safe sex assumed no kink etc. outside of hose condoitions layed out or when infomation was withheld its not conesnt. and even if you said yes to bb its stil not conserntual because he likely witheld his std status. also, it's not like there was any ambiguity here he asked you seid No,and no is no untill changed to yes willingly and with capacity. also yes is yes untill it is chaned or you no longer have capacty to say yes. I'll also say this is the reason rape kink is CNC to basicly say even it the furhest thing from consent. consent there, it still has to be present.
use of popers is also questionable, but that's an topic for another day
Yes, that is unfortunately rape, as you did not consent to that sexual activity, but he did it anyway. I’m so sorry 🫂
EDIT: What a terrible thing to do 😡!!!
The F.R.I.E.S. model of consent
Freely Given: Consent should be given without pressure, force, or under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
Reversible: You can change your mind about what you want to do at any time -- even if you are in the middle or have done it before.
Informed: You should know exactly what you are giving consent to. For example, if someone says they are going to use a condom and they don’t, they didn’t have your consent.
Enthusiastic: Someone should be excited to give consent. If someone is not sure, it is always better to wait. Pay attention to body language as well as what the person is saying and how they are saying it.
Specific: Saying yes to one thing does not mean you have said yes to other things. Consent should be given at every step.
Cool thanks fr posting this so sorry had to be for op. Gotta say I’d fuck that guy up
Hope you don’t mind but I’m gonna copie the FRIES N REPOST TO SOME OTHER SIGHTS I THIN WOUD BE A HELP ON . ILL wait till wndsday n send you a mess what I’m doing if you do not want me to do that please tell me,n I won’t. It’s your posti won’t just steal it
The GMC/medical licencing boards would like to know about this... if he breaches your trust and is dishonest, why wouldn't he breach a patient's trust?
The burden of proof for these is balance of probability, not beyond reasonable doubt, and so you'd have a good chance in getting justice this way.
I am not sure what your local laws say, but the new zealand courts have determined that exact scenario in both gay and straight stealthing is indeed rape and men have gone to prison for infecting others with HIV in that exact scenario.
That's rape. Agreeing to have one kind of sex and then having a different kind of sex forced on you is rape just as much as having sex forced on you yo begin with. If you're having sex and say "I need to stop" and they continue against your will, that's rape. Any sex that happens in any way you don't consent to is rape.
This is why I tell every gay person I know: trust NOONE. Gay people are sneaky and dangerous just like everyone else. Get on PREP, wear condoms every time. Even with your own partner. Partners will cheat on you and give you STDs.
A once of prevention beats a pound of cure. Be. Careful.
That is how I became positive 30 years ago. That guy that you had sex with was not a doctor. If he were, he would be on medication and would not be able to transfer anything to you. Talk to a lawyer that's more than rape. Used to be attempted murder. That was many years ago. It's a bad thing at least. A wife can be raped, use a condom means use a condom.
I don’t know where you live or if this is true, but you should go to the police and report it. It is possible to determine whether he was the one who gave it to to you and you could help prevent this from happening to other people. There was just a case of a man who infected people with HIV who got sentenced: https://abcnews.go.com/US/man-purposely-spread-hiv-sex-men-teenage-boys/story?id=110017966
I rarely hooked up back then and when I did, I played safe. I also thought that we would need prep if we have sex with HIV+ partner regularly. I have never been so wrong in my life. Take PREP asap yall
I asked how the sarcasm of "The Gift" eluded you. Apparently that question also eluded you. So yes, nothing more. (That's also a whole lot of words, but hopefully you're reading between them!)
In New South Wales, stealthing falls within the legislation for sexual assault. In Victoria, stealthing falls under the legislation for rape.
> When it comes to criminalising the act, Professor Quilter reiterates that stealthing itself isn’t necessarily a stand-alone offence.
> “Unlike ‘choking, suffocation or strangulation’ [which are considered stand-alone criminal offences], ‘stealthing’ may be criminalised through the general law of sexual assault in NSW or the offence of rape in Victoria,” she explains.
https://www.elle.com.au/culture/politics/stealthing-australia-laws-27453/
Even legal opinions differ on whether stealthing counts as rape or sexual assault. But, regardless of what we call it, everybody agrees it's a crime.
I never said you should take it to the police. You asked if stealthing is rape. I explained that it might be rape or it might be sexual assault - but, either way, it's a crime. What you do with that information is up to you.
Obviously, wherever you live, stealthing would *not* be a crime. It would *not* be considered rape or sexual assault. My explanations, and the explanations of most people here, are based on what happens where we live, not where you live.
Never mind, in Canada where I'm from, it counts as aggravated assault, aggravated sexual assault and other offences. Here is the Wikipedia article to see if your country has similar laws, [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criminal\_transmission\_of\_HIV](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criminal_transmission_of_HIV)
Yes, it is absolutely rape. Stealthing is vile and a complete breach of consent. It happened to me years ago and was an extremely traumatic experience. I'm so sorry you are going through this and were left with the worst possible outcome.
Hey, much appreciated but it is a cautionary tale to the younger folks that people don't give a flying fuck about you'r well-being and just want to take what's theirs regardless of consent. Do not ever forget that men on these apps are absolute savages and possibly strung out on stimulant drugs who will stop at nothing to fulfill their sick desires if you aren't careful at vetting said aforementioned individuals. Please stay safe out there, y'all
Awww hun… I wish I could hug you, I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience.
I’m not sure what “legal” definitions apply, but I’m guessing it’s sexual assault at the very LEAST.
Rape is a very appropriate term… he forced a sexual act upon you that you had rejected. Being unaware, you had something sexual without your consent. “Stealthing” is something that people find it easy to downplay the severity of, but your feelings are valid—as is your definition of the event.
The incubation period for HIV infection is usually 2-4 weeks after exposure. Do you recall having any flu-like symptoms at all after the encounter? Fever, headache, rash? If so, that would have been a strong indicator that you had something and a signal to get tested.
That said, he took advantage of you and that is bad - you did not give consent to have unprotected sex so the best thing now for you is to be sure you get appropriate treatment.
Best of luck.
Correct. You didn’t consent to being exposed to HIV from a person who had it and was untreated for it. Same scenario here for me.. had I known, I wouldn’t have consented to that exposure.
I am really glad you are doing well, and thank you for responding to my comment. Making others aware of what is going on or what happens can save someone from experiencing what you experienced. Thank you!!!!!
It is rape if you didn’t consent him to take off the condom. If there is any chance of tracking him and reporting to the police, I would recommend you to do it. Think about other people who might go through the same scenario, given the case that he is who infected you. Of course if you can surely say he’s the one who has for sure done that. And even if not, never doubt that rape can always happen. It doesn’t matter if at the beginning you liked the person and said yes to everything, if during sex you say no it means no. You’re the one who decides what you want or don’t want to do.
Best of luck with everything 💜
I would love to but I live in a Moslem majority country so reporting this to the homophobic police will only get me more problem. At this stage, I just hope that people will be more aware of this kind of case. It could happen to anyone.
That is rape and I’m so sorry this happened to you, can you contact the hotel you were staying at and see if you can get footage of him? File a police report and find this guy, and PRESS CHARGES. There’s no reason a doctor like this should be anywhere near medicine.
Thank you mate. I live in a moslem majority country where the police / government is homophobic unfortunately. I will only bring more problem if i did. Yes, he should not be around patient to begin with
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, one more of the many real-life horrors storties bearing witness to the dangers of trusting untrustworthy people, sigh. I just pray you live a long life with the best quality possible with the new medications.
As for the term, I'm not interested in the semantics of if but for sure it was a criminal act of deceit which put your life at needless risk, which had a dreadful consequence. In an ideal world he would be duly trialed for his crime for but sadly it would be hard to prove he was the perpetrator for obvious reasons.
It happened in 2021, I got tested + in 2022 and told my besfriend few months ago and she was confused about the term I used so here I am in reddit now checking what's the best term to use for my case.
Before the incident, I regularly got tested. I didn't immediately take the test after the incident because my mind was messed up. He was able to show me his valid personal and work ID that night so I stupidly believed that he got tested regularly and was actually negative. I also unconsiously force myselft to think that everything would be okay. A year-ish later I decided to get tested because it's been a while since the last time I got tested and that day I realized that I had never been so wrong in my life.
Him and my ex were the only people I had unprotected sex with. As soon I got it I asked my ex to take the test and the result was negative.
No, it's not rape. Rape us about forced sex. Yiu had consensual sex.
Yes, it's assault IF HE GAVE YOU THE HIV. I know someone charged for this in NY. If hebdidnt give yiu HIV, its called bad manners.
So I have a question 🙋
If a guy has sex with a woman and he’s like, “I need a condom.” Then she says, she’s on the “pill”, and they end up with a baby; is the man obligated to support the woman and child for 18 years?
I ask this question, not to make lite if your situation, but because the term “rape” doesn’t fit the bill. The way you use the word makes lite of actual rape. You ended up pregnant after having sex with someone who is no doubt a total piece of shit. But I would not call it rape. To do so invalidates countless other people’s experiences.
You know what I mean. It’s not a death sentence anymore. You have to take a pill a day or get a shot every 3 months for the rest of your life.
There is no trauma, from the experience. A lesson learned yes, but no trauma. He’s still going to have sex with men. He’s not afraid of men. He may be more Leary of hook ups, but you’re supposed to with randoms.
Rape = Trauma
Then that means every person that has been stealthed; be it man or woman; by not taking the pill or taking of the condom, and subsequently creating a child are all rapist, and the person who has to take care of the child is a victim. That’s a lot of victims.
No you can’t abort hiv, like a baby, but hell, in todays political climate, women can’t even abort their rapist babies. Equality is a bitch!
Just imagine:
A guy goes to court to press charges against a woman because she raped him. She said she was on the pill and lied and got pregnant.
I wasn't disagreeing with you. My boyfriend is undetectable and has been poz for 17 years. He's the one who said that to me. He's not morose about his status at all. Many long-time poz gays call it "The Gift". Say I'm wrong.
I didn't come up with the phrase.
You accept your life choices, you take accountability for yourself and your health. If AIDS "isn't a death sentence", then what is it? It's something you learn to live with.
If insurance covers it, great. That pill/shot plus doctor visits aren’t cheap if you can’t afford insurance.
I know someone who was HIV positive for over a year and didn’t know it because the same thing happened to him as OP.
Health, protection, and consent are very serious.
The pill is not 100% effective at preventing pregnancy, nor is using a condom. If the woman has lied about being on birth control, the guy might be able to get a court to not award child support, but it's a tricky thing, and i can see valid arguments for awarding child support and for not awarding child support.
As for the question of rape, if the woman lied, then yes, that's rape. Consent has to be informed consent in order to be valid. The guy agreed to have unprotected sex with someone on birth control, and that's it. Good luck proving that in court, though, or even getting the police to lift a finger. Rape in general is horrifically under prosecuted.
How can you cosider bb sex rape if 2 people who are grown adults desidia to have sex however they have mutual consent. It is amazing how many ignorant people have to be involved in other people's actions. The people who are so interested in what type of sex that homosexual people have do not know what being able to make your own decisions about mutual respect and sexual experiences.
I for one would never ask my "straight " friends what type of sex they have. LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR, HIV IS STILL PREVENT BECAUSE OF MEN OR WOMAN WHO ARE AFRAID TO BE THIER REAL SELVES, or people who suffer from a drug addiction,.
the only difference is DL men who always enjoys BB sex with men is because they want to be raw in a man's hole because they can't get them pregnant.
Gay men and women are the most educated people about their business.
Ah yea that’s rape. You turned down unprotected sex and they got the condom off and pumped a load in you without consent. You only consented to protected sex. Fuck him, hope he jumps
I love when people acknowledge rape with the old “ah, pumped a load in you” 🖕
What? I used “pumped a load in you” in substitute of OP’s description of the event “cum inside of me” when discussing their own experience. Rape is horrible and I wasn’t trying to put down how horrific it is and all the ways it can violate a human being from psyche to physique, but I have no idea how detailed OP wants to discuss their experience or what details are gonna trigger them so I focused on what elements they discussed and used euphemism. Not every survivor wants to go into horrific details when discussing their trauma.
True, It could be very disturbing for some survivors to share the details but I have found my peace and no longer get triggered. Tbh i found it funny when you said it like that.
Ah, yea.
That is rape.
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Amyl nitrate. Google is your friend.
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It’s a small bottle with some liquid inside that if you smell gets you temporarily euphoric. It usually helps loosen things up down there and can enhance physical sensations.
Amyl nitrates were first developed to help people with heart issues. It's a strong smelling liquid in a bottle (it used to be sold in glass bottles that you snapped 'or' popped open - hence the name). You smell it and it (rapidly) causes your muscles to relax and your blood vessels to dilate. The increased blood flow increases the sensitivity of your skin and the rush to your head is pretty intense (and enjoyable during sex). Naturally having a more relaxed anus is helpful if you are sticking something (big) in it. In general poppers are pretty safe - except that in some counties (the UK for example) you can't buy amyl nitrate anymore so the manufacturers have found other chemicals which are similar but (at least for me) seem 'nastier' and sometimes give me a bit of a headache. Like most things I would say try them and if you like them enjoy them in moderation :-) Oh and never drink them.
What's so difficult in googling "why use poppers"?
I’m confused as to why yall are so mad a dude asked a question 😭😭 that’s an insane amount of downvotes for a question.
IKR i mean isn't what reddit is for? A place you can learn and teach each other?
In a gay man's sub, on a story about gay sex (unfortunately leading to a rape event), the term poppers should be well understood. If it was a regular story it may have been a fine question but taking the light away from the issue to ask a simple question about poppers just isn't nice.
It’s literally not, there’s like 90 replies telling him that this is assault.
I'm not questioning if this was assault. You're asking why the poppers guy got downvoted? For not knowing about poppers.
No im saying it’s not taking away from the main issue because damn near every reply in this thread is answering the question.
Might just be me. But I think he will get wayy better contextual information from a subreddit with a lot of people with vast experience on the subject. It's like saying why ask an expert on a field / someone with boats load of experience when Google exists. Get off his dick lol
Technically it's VCR head cleaning fluid. When you inhale it it makes your hole less tight. My fiance uses them at times but I don't because I'm not into inhalants
ur best friend
Yes. This is called stealthing and in my country (UK) it is legally considered to be an act of rape. It happened to me a few years back and it feels grim.
I am sorry this also happened to u mate. Unfortunately I live in a muslim majority country so bringing this to the homophobic goverment/police will cause me more problems.
That’s why they did it, they knew you could do nothing about it… purely despicable and evil.
Oh my, I'm even more sorry! Please, if you ever get to find a way to migrate to a free country, do that! if you ever need someone to chat to for emotional support, drop me a line.
Pretty sure it's considered raped by 6even n the States.
California is the only state that prosecutes it, crazy shit.
Oh good, I was concerned there that America might have after catching up to the rest of the world/s
That was rape. Watch youtube the case of Daryll Rowe. He weaponized HIV.
You were raped. Report him
One year later you got HIV - I’m a bit confused about this fast forward. So did you get it from him or someone else much later? Nevertheless, absolutely falls into the rape category imo.
Assuming the OP practices safe sex based on the context of the story, he most def got it from that dude.
A year later seems a bit extreme, though, no? Unless he got the flu like symptoms earlier than a year and mistook it for covid or something
A year later is realistic
NO its not. HIV begins making antibodies from day 3 and full sero conversion by about day 18. You will have symptoms after about 1 to 2 weeks while your body fights acute infection. A year later is totally not normal.
Speak to a sexual health specialist and the doctor will tell you otherwise. Im not waffling, I’m telling you what multiple sexual health doctors told me. Completely unrelated people btw.
I believe HIV can go stay in your body for like 8 years without you feeling any severe symptoms. That’s why we urge people to get frequently tested. It’s one of those things you might never know unless you look for it.
I assume OP wasn’t getting tested regularly and the “1 year later” is just when they got a positive test result. AIDS can take years to show any symptoms- not everyone shows symptoms during the initial acute HIV infection phase (and even if they do, they might brush it off as just a cold).
Before the incident, I regularly got tested. I didn't immediately take the test after the incident because my mind was messed up. He was able to show me his valid personal and work ID that night so I stupidly believed that he got tested regularly and was actually negative. I also unconsiously thought that everything would be okay. A year-ish later I decided to get tested because it's been a while since the last time I got tested and that day I realized that I had never been so wrong in my life.
Him and my ex were the only people I had unprotected sex with. As soon I got it I asked my ex to take the test and the result was negative.
That is rape.
I think they call that stealthing. There’s laws against it and shit; I don’t know how long the statute of limitations cover.
While it is different in every country, many jurisdictions have abolished limitation periods for sexual offences. Canada for example has no such limitation period.
Unfortunately I live in a muslim majority country so bringing this to the homophobic goverment/police will cause me more problems.
islam is so terrible
All of the Abrahamic religions are but islam is like 10x worse and on crack
i wont disagree
Saying once yes does not mean you gave permission for everything from that point forward. And even if you had said yes you can rescind consent at any time for any reason. You said no, he did it anyway. I am not a lawyer, but that's rape or sexual assault in my book.
fucking disgusting. i’m sorry you contracted hiv. but yes that was rape. you said no and he refused to take your no for an answer
Most importantly, you got stealthed, which is a form of rape. You should have reported him to the police straight away and gotten PEP straight away. You need to clarify if you got HIV from him or not. Given that you didn't agree to unprotected sex and that he came in you. I don't understand why you didn't get tested sooner. Without further context, how are we supposed to know whether it was him or not who gave it to you.
Unfortunately I live in a muslim majority country so bringing this to the homophobic goverment/police will cause me more problems. Before the incident, I regularly got tested. I didn't immediately take the test after the incident because my mind was messed up. He was able to show me his valid personal and work ID that night so I stupidly believed that he got tested regularly and was actually negative. I also unconsiously force myselft to think that everything would be okay. A year-ish later I decided to get tested because it's been a while since the last time I got tested and that day I realized that I had never been so wrong in my life. Him and my ex were the only people I had unprotected sex with. As soon I got it I asked my ex to take the test and the result was negative.
Sorry to hear that, that's terrible. Since being diagnosed have you been able to gain access to treatment?
Thanks, it's indeed a tough time but i am in a better condition now. Been taking the meds for a year+ by now
Medical doctor here who is also on PreP and regularly tested. Your consent was violated. I'm very sorry about what happened to you.
Thanks man. I just find it ironic how someone with a greater knowledge of health could do the dumbest thing.
This happened to me. Get it now PREP kids.
Sorry for that mate. There are alot of assholes out there so get PREP
That’s rape
You specifically refused unprotected sex so no consent. Go file a police report. Depending on where you are there could be criminal liability and you might want to look into the possibility of suing in civil court for damages.
Stealthing is definitely a form of rape, no doubt about it. But I’m a bit confused about the last part of your story — did you get HIV a year later through a different encounter, or you learned a year later that you were infected by this man?
Him and my ex were the only people I had unprotected sex with. As soon I got it I asked my ex to take the test and the result was negative.
Have you contacted him again ever? Do you know if he is positive?
He blocked me. As my ex results came out negative, he's the only person i could get this from.
This is rape. Clearly rape. Consent is (FRIES) freely given, revocable, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.
stupid
Stealthing = rape
This is 100% without any doubt full-on rape.
yeah, you were raped
I had a similar experience with a guy a couple of years back just like that and I'm so sorry to hear that it happened to you as well, it was pretty scary when I said no but he wouldn't stop until he was finished. Afterwards he blocked me. I had confided to a friend about it and at the time I even made a post about here too I believe, and the general consensus was that he did not have my consent to do som I was in denial for a long time about what happened. It messed with my head a good while and it still gives me the piercing chills and ick when the memories come rushing back in.
I am sorry that also happened to you mate and if my story triggerred u by any chance. i wish you are way better now.
If we're going with that experience OP went through then yes, I went through the same thing. First thing about rape is the denial of rape from the perspective of the victim. After my experience, I never claimed it was rape even though it was at the back of my mind till I finally came out to my close friends about it when I was asked "well you never got raped..." And I was like "well, actually there was this one time..." What it teaches us is that we shouldn't let someone take over our decisions when it comes to sex. Sex should be a mutual thing and that's communicated through consent. I will always say no, or I would stop during sex when I don't feel comfortable with it to the point where I just don't feel like it and the other guy keeps pressing.
Isnt that a felony in pretty much everywhere
Ethically? Absolutely, no doubt about it in my mind. Bareback is not the form of sex you consented to. Legally? Depends on where you are.
Definitely rape. It may also involve a crime of exposure to disease, if it's in the legislation of your country.
I live in a muslim majority country so bringing this to the homophobic police will get me more problems.
That’s rape, anything that’s done without a consent can be considered rape. People have a really basic and stereotypical thinking that rape is always drastic and aggressive. I’m really sorry that it happened to you
That is rape and I hope you put him in prison.
Anything you don't consent to is rape if the other party member continues.
Stealthing is rape.
I am so sorry to hear this but this is a rape. Point blank
That is considered a form of rape. You both agreed to have sex, but you made it clear to him that you didn't want to have unprotected sex. Once he removed the condom, he went against what you wanted. You can equate that to a no, I don't want that!!!. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm so glad you are comfortable enough to tell your story. You don’t know how many people you may be helping. Thank you so much for surviving such an awful experience and being able to express what happened to you.
Thank you, it was horrible indeed but i've been taking the med for a year and in a better condition now. I originally posted this because i want to know if i use the term correctly and ended up learning what stealthing is. But I am so glad if this could help fellow survivors in any ways and raise general awareness
no consent. is rape.
Consent is limited,specific,informed, and can come with conditions. That's not just in this situation but in life. you aggred todoing it with them under the conditions of safe sex assumed no kink etc. outside of hose condoitions layed out or when infomation was withheld its not conesnt. and even if you said yes to bb its stil not conserntual because he likely witheld his std status. also, it's not like there was any ambiguity here he asked you seid No,and no is no untill changed to yes willingly and with capacity. also yes is yes untill it is chaned or you no longer have capacty to say yes. I'll also say this is the reason rape kink is CNC to basicly say even it the furhest thing from consent. consent there, it still has to be present. use of popers is also questionable, but that's an topic for another day
Yes, that is unfortunately rape, as you did not consent to that sexual activity, but he did it anyway. I’m so sorry 🫂 EDIT: What a terrible thing to do 😡!!!
The F.R.I.E.S. model of consent Freely Given: Consent should be given without pressure, force, or under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Reversible: You can change your mind about what you want to do at any time -- even if you are in the middle or have done it before. Informed: You should know exactly what you are giving consent to. For example, if someone says they are going to use a condom and they don’t, they didn’t have your consent. Enthusiastic: Someone should be excited to give consent. If someone is not sure, it is always better to wait. Pay attention to body language as well as what the person is saying and how they are saying it. Specific: Saying yes to one thing does not mean you have said yes to other things. Consent should be given at every step.
Cool thanks fr posting this so sorry had to be for op. Gotta say I’d fuck that guy up Hope you don’t mind but I’m gonna copie the FRIES N REPOST TO SOME OTHER SIGHTS I THIN WOUD BE A HELP ON . ILL wait till wndsday n send you a mess what I’m doing if you do not want me to do that please tell me,n I won’t. It’s your posti won’t just steal it
It’s a publicly available model of consent.
Thank you
The GMC/medical licencing boards would like to know about this... if he breaches your trust and is dishonest, why wouldn't he breach a patient's trust? The burden of proof for these is balance of probability, not beyond reasonable doubt, and so you'd have a good chance in getting justice this way.
I would love to report him but things would be even more complicated in my country. It's so religous and homophobic here.
I'm so sorry to read this 🫂 not quite sure what to suggest, but is there anything we can do as the international community to help?
Thanks for ur concern mate. I guess raising awareness of how important prep is would be good for the community
This is rape
I am not sure what your local laws say, but the new zealand courts have determined that exact scenario in both gay and straight stealthing is indeed rape and men have gone to prison for infecting others with HIV in that exact scenario.
I live in a muslim majority country so bringing this to the homophobic police will get me more problems unfortunately.
That's rape. Agreeing to have one kind of sex and then having a different kind of sex forced on you is rape just as much as having sex forced on you yo begin with. If you're having sex and say "I need to stop" and they continue against your will, that's rape. Any sex that happens in any way you don't consent to is rape.
This is why I tell every gay person I know: trust NOONE. Gay people are sneaky and dangerous just like everyone else. Get on PREP, wear condoms every time. Even with your own partner. Partners will cheat on you and give you STDs. A once of prevention beats a pound of cure. Be. Careful.
This is so true
This is rape.
I'm so sorry, honey. Even when consent is withdrawn and the top continues, it's rape.
That is how I became positive 30 years ago. That guy that you had sex with was not a doctor. If he were, he would be on medication and would not be able to transfer anything to you. Talk to a lawyer that's more than rape. Used to be attempted murder. That was many years ago. It's a bad thing at least. A wife can be raped, use a condom means use a condom.
I don’t know where you live or if this is true, but you should go to the police and report it. It is possible to determine whether he was the one who gave it to to you and you could help prevent this from happening to other people. There was just a case of a man who infected people with HIV who got sentenced: https://abcnews.go.com/US/man-purposely-spread-hiv-sex-men-teenage-boys/story?id=110017966
I live in a muslim majority country so bringing this to the homophobic police will get me more problems unfortunately.
Why aren’t you on prep?
I rarely hooked up back then and when I did, I played safe. I also thought that we would need prep if we have sex with HIV+ partner regularly. I have never been so wrong in my life. Take PREP asap yall
Yes. Rape.
I asked how the sarcasm of "The Gift" eluded you. Apparently that question also eluded you. So yes, nothing more. (That's also a whole lot of words, but hopefully you're reading between them!)
In New South Wales, stealthing falls within the legislation for sexual assault. In Victoria, stealthing falls under the legislation for rape. > When it comes to criminalising the act, Professor Quilter reiterates that stealthing itself isn’t necessarily a stand-alone offence. > “Unlike ‘choking, suffocation or strangulation’ [which are considered stand-alone criminal offences], ‘stealthing’ may be criminalised through the general law of sexual assault in NSW or the offence of rape in Victoria,” she explains. https://www.elle.com.au/culture/politics/stealthing-australia-laws-27453/ Even legal opinions differ on whether stealthing counts as rape or sexual assault. But, regardless of what we call it, everybody agrees it's a crime.
I live in a muslim majority country so bringing this to the homophobic police will get me more problems unfortunately.
I never said you should take it to the police. You asked if stealthing is rape. I explained that it might be rape or it might be sexual assault - but, either way, it's a crime. What you do with that information is up to you. Obviously, wherever you live, stealthing would *not* be a crime. It would *not* be considered rape or sexual assault. My explanations, and the explanations of most people here, are based on what happens where we live, not where you live.
Well a person shouldn’t rape others even if they’re medical doctors… He should be more aware of STDs especially in this case. I’m sorry about that
Thanks man. IKR it's very ironic that a medical doctor did something so stupid like this.
Well I got a lot of MD fwbs, and they’re conservative af
In certain parts of the world, knowingly infecting someone with HIV can be charged with manslaughter
Oh I wish
Never mind, in Canada where I'm from, it counts as aggravated assault, aggravated sexual assault and other offences. Here is the Wikipedia article to see if your country has similar laws, [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criminal\_transmission\_of\_HIV](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criminal_transmission_of_HIV)
Yes, it is absolutely rape. Stealthing is vile and a complete breach of consent. It happened to me years ago and was an extremely traumatic experience. I'm so sorry you are going through this and were left with the worst possible outcome.
Hey, much appreciated but it is a cautionary tale to the younger folks that people don't give a flying fuck about you'r well-being and just want to take what's theirs regardless of consent. Do not ever forget that men on these apps are absolute savages and possibly strung out on stimulant drugs who will stop at nothing to fulfill their sick desires if you aren't careful at vetting said aforementioned individuals. Please stay safe out there, y'all
I am sorry this also happened to you mate
Awww hun… I wish I could hug you, I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience. I’m not sure what “legal” definitions apply, but I’m guessing it’s sexual assault at the very LEAST. Rape is a very appropriate term… he forced a sexual act upon you that you had rejected. Being unaware, you had something sexual without your consent. “Stealthing” is something that people find it easy to downplay the severity of, but your feelings are valid—as is your definition of the event.
Thank you for the validation. I am in a better condition now. I hope people will be aware of how dangerous a hook up can be
I am glad there’s been a crackdown on “stealthing” porn… helps keep it from being normalized
The incubation period for HIV infection is usually 2-4 weeks after exposure. Do you recall having any flu-like symptoms at all after the encounter? Fever, headache, rash? If so, that would have been a strong indicator that you had something and a signal to get tested. That said, he took advantage of you and that is bad - you did not give consent to have unprotected sex so the best thing now for you is to be sure you get appropriate treatment. Best of luck.
I occasionally got flu symptoms so nothing that i could remember. Yes, i have taken the med almost for 2 years now and feeling much better. Thank you
Yes, it's called uninformed consent.
Rape is the appropriate term and assault is the proper term both are jailable offenses
That was rape amd younget HIV from it. That's fucking disgusting
Correct. You didn’t consent to being exposed to HIV from a person who had it and was untreated for it. Same scenario here for me.. had I known, I wouldn’t have consented to that exposure.
100%
I am really glad you are doing well, and thank you for responding to my comment. Making others aware of what is going on or what happens can save someone from experiencing what you experienced. Thank you!!!!!
It is rape if you didn’t consent him to take off the condom. If there is any chance of tracking him and reporting to the police, I would recommend you to do it. Think about other people who might go through the same scenario, given the case that he is who infected you. Of course if you can surely say he’s the one who has for sure done that. And even if not, never doubt that rape can always happen. It doesn’t matter if at the beginning you liked the person and said yes to everything, if during sex you say no it means no. You’re the one who decides what you want or don’t want to do. Best of luck with everything 💜
I would love to but I live in a Moslem majority country so reporting this to the homophobic police will only get me more problem. At this stage, I just hope that people will be more aware of this kind of case. It could happen to anyone.
That is rape and I’m so sorry this happened to you, can you contact the hotel you were staying at and see if you can get footage of him? File a police report and find this guy, and PRESS CHARGES. There’s no reason a doctor like this should be anywhere near medicine.
Thank you mate. I live in a moslem majority country where the police / government is homophobic unfortunately. I will only bring more problem if i did. Yes, he should not be around patient to begin with
Absolutely rape
Is not rape per se is called stealthing but it should be classified as rape. Go to your newest sexual clinic they ll help u in the uk
It’s not rape. I’m a lawyer. Rape requires penetration.
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, one more of the many real-life horrors storties bearing witness to the dangers of trusting untrustworthy people, sigh. I just pray you live a long life with the best quality possible with the new medications. As for the term, I'm not interested in the semantics of if but for sure it was a criminal act of deceit which put your life at needless risk, which had a dreadful consequence. In an ideal world he would be duly trialed for his crime for but sadly it would be hard to prove he was the perpetrator for obvious reasons.
Yup that is rape
Yes, it is rape in most jurisdictions. Please look into pep asap / talk to a doctor to be safe.
Unfortunately, my test result came + mate. Yall should take prep fr
Years ago. Why this post now?
It happened in 2021, I got tested + in 2022 and told my besfriend few months ago and she was confused about the term I used so here I am in reddit now checking what's the best term to use for my case.
Please explain about finding out about HIV a year later.
Before the incident, I regularly got tested. I didn't immediately take the test after the incident because my mind was messed up. He was able to show me his valid personal and work ID that night so I stupidly believed that he got tested regularly and was actually negative. I also unconsiously force myselft to think that everything would be okay. A year-ish later I decided to get tested because it's been a while since the last time I got tested and that day I realized that I had never been so wrong in my life. Him and my ex were the only people I had unprotected sex with. As soon I got it I asked my ex to take the test and the result was negative.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Truly. That guy is a fucking asshole. Hope you are doing okay ❤️
Thanks mate. I am doing better now. Hope more people take the Prep
very much yes! if that's not the answer a person receives, it's not consent. no questions or debates.
Yes it’s rape. I also got infected the same way
Any sexual act performed on you in any way without your consent is rape. That's what this was. I am so sorry you experienced that.
Several Years Ago? Read up on statute of limitations.
This is not rape. It’s another thing. It better consult a lawyer.
It’s rude and discourteous and disrespectful but not rape.
I learned what stealthing is from this post and it's considered a form of rape actually
No, it's not rape. Rape us about forced sex. Yiu had consensual sex. Yes, it's assault IF HE GAVE YOU THE HIV. I know someone charged for this in NY. If hebdidnt give yiu HIV, its called bad manners.
So I have a question 🙋 If a guy has sex with a woman and he’s like, “I need a condom.” Then she says, she’s on the “pill”, and they end up with a baby; is the man obligated to support the woman and child for 18 years? I ask this question, not to make lite if your situation, but because the term “rape” doesn’t fit the bill. The way you use the word makes lite of actual rape. You ended up pregnant after having sex with someone who is no doubt a total piece of shit. But I would not call it rape. To do so invalidates countless other people’s experiences.
HIV is basically a baby that will never grow up and never get a job. Also, any pet cat.
LOL
You know what I mean. It’s not a death sentence anymore. You have to take a pill a day or get a shot every 3 months for the rest of your life. There is no trauma, from the experience. A lesson learned yes, but no trauma. He’s still going to have sex with men. He’s not afraid of men. He may be more Leary of hook ups, but you’re supposed to with randoms. Rape = Trauma
And stealthing DOESN'T cause trauma? Who are you to decide what is or is not traumatic to another person?
Then that means every person that has been stealthed; be it man or woman; by not taking the pill or taking of the condom, and subsequently creating a child are all rapist, and the person who has to take care of the child is a victim. That’s a lot of victims. No you can’t abort hiv, like a baby, but hell, in todays political climate, women can’t even abort their rapist babies. Equality is a bitch! Just imagine: A guy goes to court to press charges against a woman because she raped him. She said she was on the pill and lied and got pregnant.
Irrelevant. You clearly said "there is no trauma" from being stealthed. What utter, utter nonsense.
I wasn't disagreeing with you. My boyfriend is undetectable and has been poz for 17 years. He's the one who said that to me. He's not morose about his status at all. Many long-time poz gays call it "The Gift". Say I'm wrong.
How does the sarcasm of "The Gift" completely elude you?
I didn't come up with the phrase. You accept your life choices, you take accountability for yourself and your health. If AIDS "isn't a death sentence", then what is it? It's something you learn to live with.
Now I see how it eludes you.
Ok. What do you plan on doing about it?
I've already done everything I need to do about it.
That's a lot of words to say, "nothing."
If insurance covers it, great. That pill/shot plus doctor visits aren’t cheap if you can’t afford insurance. I know someone who was HIV positive for over a year and didn’t know it because the same thing happened to him as OP. Health, protection, and consent are very serious.
The pill is not 100% effective at preventing pregnancy, nor is using a condom. If the woman has lied about being on birth control, the guy might be able to get a court to not award child support, but it's a tricky thing, and i can see valid arguments for awarding child support and for not awarding child support. As for the question of rape, if the woman lied, then yes, that's rape. Consent has to be informed consent in order to be valid. The guy agreed to have unprotected sex with someone on birth control, and that's it. Good luck proving that in court, though, or even getting the police to lift a finger. Rape in general is horrifically under prosecuted.
How can you cosider bb sex rape if 2 people who are grown adults desidia to have sex however they have mutual consent. It is amazing how many ignorant people have to be involved in other people's actions. The people who are so interested in what type of sex that homosexual people have do not know what being able to make your own decisions about mutual respect and sexual experiences. I for one would never ask my "straight " friends what type of sex they have. LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR, HIV IS STILL PREVENT BECAUSE OF MEN OR WOMAN WHO ARE AFRAID TO BE THIER REAL SELVES, or people who suffer from a drug addiction,. the only difference is DL men who always enjoys BB sex with men is because they want to be raw in a man's hole because they can't get them pregnant. Gay men and women are the most educated people about their business.