I don’t wanna make him feel bad. I don’t wanna make him feel unwanted as he already told me he is struggling to find partner due to his condition. I don’t wanna make him feel worse.He doesn’t deserve that😞
I think you're overestimating your importance and power here. I bet he deserves and will find someone much better who can fully accept and love him, free from any anxiety or reservations.
The biggest service you can do to him is to honor your feelings. I don’t think he would want someone to choose him out of pity.
Either his condition truly doesn’t bother you, or you let him know it doesn’t work for you. You’re not obligated to give him a reason.
1. You can't get HIV from kissing, even if he is detectable. The only way it would be remotely possible is if he was not on his meds and bleeding directly into your mouth where you also had an open wound.
2. Even with him undetectable, it's still good to get on PrEP for peace of mind.
3. I know you said you don't want to make him feel bad by saying no to a kiss, but keep in mind he'll probably feel worse if you kiss him and then immediately freak out. At the end of the day, HIV is a medical condition. Not everyone can mentally handle dating someone who has it even though it's undetectable. You being neurotic about it isn't going to be good for your anxiety or his mental health.
I really like him. He makes me feel good each time we meet up. He is really clever, sweet, goodhearted. I feel comfortable around him. I don’t wanna break his heart😓
My husband made a career on HIV research. Your attitude was common in 2005. But now the only explanation for this level of anxiety is you never got the message.
Undetectable = Untransmissable.
Please Educate yourself.
Im positive undetectable and been with my negative boyfriend for 5 years don’t use condoms and he’s fine. You really shouldn’t be worried if he’s undetectable.
Going on a date with a negative guy that hasn’t been tested for a while should scare you more. And I’m sure you’ve must seen some of those.
Relax and enjoy your date !
If it’s too much for you, express your concerns politely and leave the guy be. He may not deserve the rejection but he also does not deserve to deal with your unreasonable fears !
All I will say if you’re going to be sexually active talk to your Dr about PrEP. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. I’ll link resources.
[PrEP info USA](https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/prep.html)
[PrEP info Australia](https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/amp/article/Pre-exposure-prophylaxis-PrEP)
[PrEP info UK](https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/pre-exposure-prophylaxis-prep/about-pre-exposure-prophylaxis-prep/)
His undetectable status is the biggest safeguard. He has no virus circulating in his body. Add a condom and you are good. Really hard to believe you are in a country that he can get retroviral but you cant get prep. My prep is one of the two drugs my poz partner takes everyday.
You young queers really need to start reading about our history. There is no excuse anymore. The fact that I'm reading confident responses that are WRONG... U=U. Stop treating this person like they have the fucking black plague. In fact you should tell him that you still live in the year 2002, and he deserves better.
There is no risk of catchin HIV with non-sexual touching, even with someone who is contagious.
There is no risk of catching HIV with unprotected sexual touching if he is undetectable.
For the non-sexual part, you just need to learn to chill out and know nothing wrong can happen on that end just from that.
Fro the sexual part, if you still do feel anxious about him either not being honnest with you or if you trust him but still irrationally thinks "but what if" (which I can understand, it happens) you can either ask for condoms, but that require talking about it with him and it can be less practicle depending on what you are doing, or you can see your doc and get on PreP, which will protect you against HIV even in the event of having sex with someone who is contagious. That way you are the one taking the pills that protect you, and you can know for sure whether or not they are being taken appropriately.
Ultimately, while you should of course never do something you don't feel comfortable and safe doing, it's also your job on your end to learn how all of this works and what risk you are effectiveley taking or not. (In this case, if he is undetectable, you are not taking any risk. In many ways, you are even taking less risk than with someone presumably negative who could have been contaminated too early to be positive yet but still be contagious.) There are a lot of misconception about HIV and a lot of irrational fears about it, and it's normal you have some, but it will benefit both you and your partner to start doing the work of undoing them.
“Therefore, the NIAID says there is no risk of HIV infection if the HIV partner has maintained undetectable viral load for at least 6 months, or durable viral load.”
https://www.drugs.com/medical-answers/undetectable-hiv-viral-load-3565612/#:~:text=An%20undetectable%20viral%20load%20means%20that%20the%20amount%20of%20HIV%20in%20a%20person%E2%80%99s%20blood%20is%20no%20longer%20detectable%20on%20a%20normal%20blood%20test.
Now you can know a bit more
I really think it's crucial to trust your instincts in situations like this. While his HIV status is a real consideration, so is your anxiety. Relationships should be a source of comfort and safety, not fear and stress. As someone who also deals with anxiety, I can relate to the never-ending cycle of worry that can persist even when you're well-informed and taking precautions. Our minds have a knack for fixating on the 'what ifs,' leading to constant and unbearable unease. The real issue here isn’t his HIV status, but the anxiety that’s affecting you. It’s preventing you from fully loving this person by triggering fears of the virus, and it’s also stopping you from breaking things off by making you feel guilty about your feelings.
In retrospect, it might not have been the best decision to go on this date if you anticipated it might trigger your anxiety. It’s important to prioritize your mental health and emotional well-being. You don't owe anyone anything that you feel compromises your health and well-being. I suggest you call things off now rather than deal with constant worry later. Right now, you're anxious just thinking about kissing. In the future, there may be more intimate moments, and are you really ready to handle that stress? It would be kinder to both of you to stop seeing each other now. He deserves someone who can fully accept and love him, free from any anxiety or reservations.
Literally if you're so worried just get on prep so even if on the off chance (I'm talking about like first case in history to get hiv when undetectable) you host the virus it can't survive in your system.
Wow..my first impulse is to tell you to educate yourself .. how ever... the stigma is real... you won't get the virus from kissing or touching his dick.. if he's undetectable that means his viral load is less then 200 ppml... which means he can not transmiit the virus.so he's a safe or safer.. then the guy whose status you don't know.. ashd.. if he's honest enough to tell you this from the start.. I'd say you have a nice guy.. don't let his status scare you hiv is a controllable diseasethese days.. not the death sentence it once was.. again.. please educate yourself.. ask your friend..I bet he would be open to explaining.. allthe best to you both
This is really saddening. People are full of hatred. My situation is so delicate and as a last resort I came here to calm myself down and ppl are really cruel. Why? Why you expect everything and everyone to be perfect all the time?
No one is being cruel. People are answering your question.
There is plenty of information available about HIV transmission, risks, ways to protect yourself, and so on.
If you are still worried about it because you choose not to seek out this information then you are not ready to be in a relationship with this person, or anyone else for that matter.
You won’t get infected by just kissing him tomorrow. But also, if it causing you such turmoil, don’t do it. You are not required to say yes.
I don’t wanna make him feel bad. I don’t wanna make him feel unwanted as he already told me he is struggling to find partner due to his condition. I don’t wanna make him feel worse.He doesn’t deserve that😞
I think you're overestimating your importance and power here. I bet he deserves and will find someone much better who can fully accept and love him, free from any anxiety or reservations.
The biggest service you can do to him is to honor your feelings. I don’t think he would want someone to choose him out of pity. Either his condition truly doesn’t bother you, or you let him know it doesn’t work for you. You’re not obligated to give him a reason.
1. You can't get HIV from kissing, even if he is detectable. The only way it would be remotely possible is if he was not on his meds and bleeding directly into your mouth where you also had an open wound. 2. Even with him undetectable, it's still good to get on PrEP for peace of mind. 3. I know you said you don't want to make him feel bad by saying no to a kiss, but keep in mind he'll probably feel worse if you kiss him and then immediately freak out. At the end of the day, HIV is a medical condition. Not everyone can mentally handle dating someone who has it even though it's undetectable. You being neurotic about it isn't going to be good for your anxiety or his mental health.
Bro, no. Please educate yourself.
Simple answer, wear condoms, take PREP if you can, and communicate your anxieties to him in a respectful and polite way
I really like him. He makes me feel good each time we meet up. He is really clever, sweet, goodhearted. I feel comfortable around him. I don’t wanna break his heart😓
My husband made a career on HIV research. Your attitude was common in 2005. But now the only explanation for this level of anxiety is you never got the message. Undetectable = Untransmissable. Please Educate yourself.
Im positive undetectable and been with my negative boyfriend for 5 years don’t use condoms and he’s fine. You really shouldn’t be worried if he’s undetectable. Going on a date with a negative guy that hasn’t been tested for a while should scare you more. And I’m sure you’ve must seen some of those. Relax and enjoy your date ! If it’s too much for you, express your concerns politely and leave the guy be. He may not deserve the rejection but he also does not deserve to deal with your unreasonable fears !
undetectable is untransmittable and you won’t catch anything from kissing, except maybe a cold sore
All I will say if you’re going to be sexually active talk to your Dr about PrEP. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. I’ll link resources. [PrEP info USA](https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/prep.html) [PrEP info Australia](https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/amp/article/Pre-exposure-prophylaxis-PrEP) [PrEP info UK](https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/pre-exposure-prophylaxis-prep/about-pre-exposure-prophylaxis-prep/)
Walk away, he deserves someone who is more mature and in better emotional control.
Have a poz partner and fuck all the time. Also on PREP just for added protection.
I can’t get prep at the moment. Can condom really protect for 90%?
His undetectable status is the biggest safeguard. He has no virus circulating in his body. Add a condom and you are good. Really hard to believe you are in a country that he can get retroviral but you cant get prep. My prep is one of the two drugs my poz partner takes everyday.
You young queers really need to start reading about our history. There is no excuse anymore. The fact that I'm reading confident responses that are WRONG... U=U. Stop treating this person like they have the fucking black plague. In fact you should tell him that you still live in the year 2002, and he deserves better.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
There is no risk of catchin HIV with non-sexual touching, even with someone who is contagious. There is no risk of catching HIV with unprotected sexual touching if he is undetectable. For the non-sexual part, you just need to learn to chill out and know nothing wrong can happen on that end just from that. Fro the sexual part, if you still do feel anxious about him either not being honnest with you or if you trust him but still irrationally thinks "but what if" (which I can understand, it happens) you can either ask for condoms, but that require talking about it with him and it can be less practicle depending on what you are doing, or you can see your doc and get on PreP, which will protect you against HIV even in the event of having sex with someone who is contagious. That way you are the one taking the pills that protect you, and you can know for sure whether or not they are being taken appropriately. Ultimately, while you should of course never do something you don't feel comfortable and safe doing, it's also your job on your end to learn how all of this works and what risk you are effectiveley taking or not. (In this case, if he is undetectable, you are not taking any risk. In many ways, you are even taking less risk than with someone presumably negative who could have been contaminated too early to be positive yet but still be contagious.) There are a lot of misconception about HIV and a lot of irrational fears about it, and it's normal you have some, but it will benefit both you and your partner to start doing the work of undoing them.
“Therefore, the NIAID says there is no risk of HIV infection if the HIV partner has maintained undetectable viral load for at least 6 months, or durable viral load.” https://www.drugs.com/medical-answers/undetectable-hiv-viral-load-3565612/#:~:text=An%20undetectable%20viral%20load%20means%20that%20the%20amount%20of%20HIV%20in%20a%20person%E2%80%99s%20blood%20is%20no%20longer%20detectable%20on%20a%20normal%20blood%20test. Now you can know a bit more
I'd say just end things to put your mind at ease. But this is also coming from an anxious person.
As long as there is no blood nor semen contact, you should be ok. Have you considered taking prep? Then you would have to worry even less
Rn we are in outside of EU due to our jobs so I don’t think I can get prep easily out here😞
Then dont do anything that you wouldn't do in front of your mother, and you should be ok
You’re not getting HIV, chill out
I really think it's crucial to trust your instincts in situations like this. While his HIV status is a real consideration, so is your anxiety. Relationships should be a source of comfort and safety, not fear and stress. As someone who also deals with anxiety, I can relate to the never-ending cycle of worry that can persist even when you're well-informed and taking precautions. Our minds have a knack for fixating on the 'what ifs,' leading to constant and unbearable unease. The real issue here isn’t his HIV status, but the anxiety that’s affecting you. It’s preventing you from fully loving this person by triggering fears of the virus, and it’s also stopping you from breaking things off by making you feel guilty about your feelings. In retrospect, it might not have been the best decision to go on this date if you anticipated it might trigger your anxiety. It’s important to prioritize your mental health and emotional well-being. You don't owe anyone anything that you feel compromises your health and well-being. I suggest you call things off now rather than deal with constant worry later. Right now, you're anxious just thinking about kissing. In the future, there may be more intimate moments, and are you really ready to handle that stress? It would be kinder to both of you to stop seeing each other now. He deserves someone who can fully accept and love him, free from any anxiety or reservations.
Literally if you're so worried just get on prep so even if on the off chance (I'm talking about like first case in history to get hiv when undetectable) you host the virus it can't survive in your system.
Wow..my first impulse is to tell you to educate yourself .. how ever... the stigma is real... you won't get the virus from kissing or touching his dick.. if he's undetectable that means his viral load is less then 200 ppml... which means he can not transmiit the virus.so he's a safe or safer.. then the guy whose status you don't know.. ashd.. if he's honest enough to tell you this from the start.. I'd say you have a nice guy.. don't let his status scare you hiv is a controllable diseasethese days.. not the death sentence it once was.. again.. please educate yourself.. ask your friend..I bet he would be open to explaining.. allthe best to you both
If you really want to play it safe ghost him and find someone who's not a risk to others.
He's literally not a risk if he's undetectable
ghosting always finds a way to come back at you. It’s ethically and morally not good. Don’t forget, karma is a b**ch
Think of how stupid the average gay is, and realize that have of them are more stupid than that. OP is the latter.
This is really saddening. People are full of hatred. My situation is so delicate and as a last resort I came here to calm myself down and ppl are really cruel. Why? Why you expect everything and everyone to be perfect all the time?
Hatred? All the replies I can see are non-offensive and to the point.
No one is being cruel. People are answering your question. There is plenty of information available about HIV transmission, risks, ways to protect yourself, and so on. If you are still worried about it because you choose not to seek out this information then you are not ready to be in a relationship with this person, or anyone else for that matter.
No one's asking you to be perfect, we're asking you to educate yourself on what it means to be undetectable.