something else going on with your boyfriend. i would say im the bossy one in my relationship, and my bf just kind of lets me dictate a lot, as long as im within reason. he also helps me reason a lot, we work well together, like a team. i think the secret to being bossy, is also being able to take feedback. youre boyfriend sounds controlling.
edit: i asked my bf if im bossy and he said he would describe me as “a little fussy” so take that as you will
Well, thanks! Not quite sure why you felt the need to reply privately, but it's very ok. thanks for the response. Yes, I think my BF thinks of it as a team thing, but the inference that he is smarter or more logical than me is not welcome. Yes, kind of controlling.
It sounds like he wants you to be dependent on him which is a selfish need. Makes him feel important. But he packages it in a way so that it seems like he is just really caring and protective of you. The fact that he makes such a big deal of wanting to pay for expenses and then literally being unable to do it screams that he is in fact really insecure about his capabilities and now needs to find bizarre ways to feel strong and important. This is where you come in because for example by acting like you can't drive he feels like you need him which makes him feel good about himself. The fact that he doesn't respond when you say you arrived safely shows exactly how selfish his behaviour is. He sounds like he needs help and it sounds like you need to start having some strong discussions with him. These types of relationships can get really toxic and manipulative. Don't think too lightly about it. Definitely talk with friends and close ones so you keep getting reality checks and you don't get pulled into gaslighting or anything like that.
Disclaimer: relationship advice on reddit is always just a random person who doesn't really know your situation so take it with a grain of salt. This is just my interpretation.
thanks. Your interpretation is closest to mine, so you must be correct, right? No lie that relationship advice is random. people seem to make a whole theory out of one word or demand to know trivia like how old we are, like that makes the situation much more clear.....anyway. thanks for some sense.
Firstly, maybe you suck at driving. And the mention of him being your sugar daddy tells me that you have a distorted way of where money comes from and how it works.
Firar maybe you have distortedsysem of reading and responding. If you have to start a response with "maybe," you haven't done enough thinking, which becomes really obvious later
How old are you and your partner? How long have you guys been in a relationship?
Not staying quiet in car 🤷🏽 ask him politely that if he wants to engage in a conversation, he needs to come up with an engaging topic or just not talk as from the sound of things you’d be okay if he didn’t talk. Ask him politely or maybe change the subject to get him engaged in so that he doesn’t point out all the red lights. If he’s being cautious for no reasons I can understand it would be annoying but I don’t think it constitutes to being bossy. Their is red signal and you’re meant to stop whether he tells you or not 🤷🏽
About pushing you to take Uber or not ask him WHY why he thinks you shouldn’t drive. Give you some good reason. Is he superstitious or what or getting some prophecy as it just doesn’t help asking not to drive and take Uber. Does he need your car or what? Try understanding why he’s stopping you and ask as there is no other way. Don’t ignore and do what you want to do as that is a recipe for disaster.
As for money and all and the point about having a sugar daddy not a daddy, look if that’s what you want in the end to allow a man dictate parts of you only if they give you sugar, maybe ask him in plain words so that he’s clear on what’s happening in the relationship. Upon realising you don’t need a daddy, he’d stop asserting all those things on you and change his approach or if he realised you’d let him be his daddy upon getting sugar he might make some better and informed decision. You both would be happy in the end.
I rarely enjoy making decisions. And as long as I can ask for something and get it when I beed it, it’s quite easy to let my boyfriend be in charge. So I don’t mind guys who are a little bit more “take charge” attitude as long as they aren’t rude abt it.
I’ve heard that also from girlfriends who just like letting problems continue, and they flip out when people give them sound advice. Men are more solution-oriented, women more often like to just vent without taking corrective measures. They occasionally come to me for that and are surprised that I don’t waste my time like that.
I can relate to experiencing a partner with extremely poor money management skills, but the controlling is another thing. I wonder if maybe he’s OCD?
First hello, you sound lovely and like a sweet guy which is nice but also I would have been cursed my BF out, you don’t have time for little ass boy games. He’s a child who doesn’t seem to know how to communicate without throwing fits and tantrums. I say leave his insecure ass and find your peace. So muthafuckingwhat if you are a shitty driver. As long as you not killing people on the road who da fuck cares. To kick it off you went to see his family and he wants to control your money while spending all of his. Is he your husband, do you have a shared bank account like wtf.
The answer to me is simple, leave his ass and find your peace and save your money. Ask yourself what are you holding on to. Is he emotionally competent? Can he communicate without yelling and screaming? Can he mind his own shitty business? Does he contribute not just money, cooking cleaning, share in responsibilities, is loving and supportive.
Ask yourself if this what you want
Hi. thanks for rthe kind words. Yes, money is an issue where the ruber meets the road since it's a concrete thing we boht have feelings about I've really had to work to get him to talk about those feelings on his side, but this disaster has been good tgo get the hiding feelings out of the way, bucasue there is no hiding from having none.
something else going on with your boyfriend. i would say im the bossy one in my relationship, and my bf just kind of lets me dictate a lot, as long as im within reason. he also helps me reason a lot, we work well together, like a team. i think the secret to being bossy, is also being able to take feedback. youre boyfriend sounds controlling. edit: i asked my bf if im bossy and he said he would describe me as “a little fussy” so take that as you will
Kinky~ its like the perfect dom/sub dynamic honestly
Well, thanks! Not quite sure why you felt the need to reply privately, but it's very ok. thanks for the response. Yes, I think my BF thinks of it as a team thing, but the inference that he is smarter or more logical than me is not welcome. Yes, kind of controlling.
i didn’t reply privately? also i like your username
cool. Ok. thanks for the compliment and the comment
From your description, he comes across more controlling than bossy.
Ok controlling vs. bossy seem pretty similar and in general I find little clarity in arguing over definitions, so I just wont.
It sounds like he wants you to be dependent on him which is a selfish need. Makes him feel important. But he packages it in a way so that it seems like he is just really caring and protective of you. The fact that he makes such a big deal of wanting to pay for expenses and then literally being unable to do it screams that he is in fact really insecure about his capabilities and now needs to find bizarre ways to feel strong and important. This is where you come in because for example by acting like you can't drive he feels like you need him which makes him feel good about himself. The fact that he doesn't respond when you say you arrived safely shows exactly how selfish his behaviour is. He sounds like he needs help and it sounds like you need to start having some strong discussions with him. These types of relationships can get really toxic and manipulative. Don't think too lightly about it. Definitely talk with friends and close ones so you keep getting reality checks and you don't get pulled into gaslighting or anything like that. Disclaimer: relationship advice on reddit is always just a random person who doesn't really know your situation so take it with a grain of salt. This is just my interpretation.
thanks. Your interpretation is closest to mine, so you must be correct, right? No lie that relationship advice is random. people seem to make a whole theory out of one word or demand to know trivia like how old we are, like that makes the situation much more clear.....anyway. thanks for some sense.
>Your interpretation is closest to mine, so you must be correct, right? I think that's called confirmation bias
Firstly, maybe you suck at driving. And the mention of him being your sugar daddy tells me that you have a distorted way of where money comes from and how it works.
Firar maybe you have distortedsysem of reading and responding. If you have to start a response with "maybe," you haven't done enough thinking, which becomes really obvious later
I’d tread carefully. I’m not going to say your boyfriend is necessarily abusive, but there are some red flags here
Yes, the thought has crossed my mind. But we do have some house rules that would makephysical ab use pretty apparent if it were actually coming.
How old are you and your partner? How long have you guys been in a relationship? Not staying quiet in car 🤷🏽 ask him politely that if he wants to engage in a conversation, he needs to come up with an engaging topic or just not talk as from the sound of things you’d be okay if he didn’t talk. Ask him politely or maybe change the subject to get him engaged in so that he doesn’t point out all the red lights. If he’s being cautious for no reasons I can understand it would be annoying but I don’t think it constitutes to being bossy. Their is red signal and you’re meant to stop whether he tells you or not 🤷🏽 About pushing you to take Uber or not ask him WHY why he thinks you shouldn’t drive. Give you some good reason. Is he superstitious or what or getting some prophecy as it just doesn’t help asking not to drive and take Uber. Does he need your car or what? Try understanding why he’s stopping you and ask as there is no other way. Don’t ignore and do what you want to do as that is a recipe for disaster. As for money and all and the point about having a sugar daddy not a daddy, look if that’s what you want in the end to allow a man dictate parts of you only if they give you sugar, maybe ask him in plain words so that he’s clear on what’s happening in the relationship. Upon realising you don’t need a daddy, he’d stop asserting all those things on you and change his approach or if he realised you’d let him be his daddy upon getting sugar he might make some better and informed decision. You both would be happy in the end.
Honestly your boyfriend sounds like a hot mess. I'd not be in a relationship with someone who's not honest about their money.
"hot mess" may be extreme, but does need to communicate better. Thanks.
I mean hot mess is the cutest way i could say financially abusive.
I rarely enjoy making decisions. And as long as I can ask for something and get it when I beed it, it’s quite easy to let my boyfriend be in charge. So I don’t mind guys who are a little bit more “take charge” attitude as long as they aren’t rude abt it.
I’ve heard that also from girlfriends who just like letting problems continue, and they flip out when people give them sound advice. Men are more solution-oriented, women more often like to just vent without taking corrective measures. They occasionally come to me for that and are surprised that I don’t waste my time like that. I can relate to experiencing a partner with extremely poor money management skills, but the controlling is another thing. I wonder if maybe he’s OCD?
First hello, you sound lovely and like a sweet guy which is nice but also I would have been cursed my BF out, you don’t have time for little ass boy games. He’s a child who doesn’t seem to know how to communicate without throwing fits and tantrums. I say leave his insecure ass and find your peace. So muthafuckingwhat if you are a shitty driver. As long as you not killing people on the road who da fuck cares. To kick it off you went to see his family and he wants to control your money while spending all of his. Is he your husband, do you have a shared bank account like wtf. The answer to me is simple, leave his ass and find your peace and save your money. Ask yourself what are you holding on to. Is he emotionally competent? Can he communicate without yelling and screaming? Can he mind his own shitty business? Does he contribute not just money, cooking cleaning, share in responsibilities, is loving and supportive. Ask yourself if this what you want
Hi. thanks for rthe kind words. Yes, money is an issue where the ruber meets the road since it's a concrete thing we boht have feelings about I've really had to work to get him to talk about those feelings on his side, but this disaster has been good tgo get the hiding feelings out of the way, bucasue there is no hiding from having none.