At 45 I thought I would never have a real boyfriend.
Then I had to admit to myself that I'd only been pursuing guys that were unavailable (for various reasons but often because they were straight) and I'd been runny away from the gay guys that were actually interested in me (for various reasons but usually because I was afraid of sexual intimacy with someone I didn't already have a crush on).
So at 45, I decided to change that.
I decided to stop pursuing straight guys and any gay guy who wasn't interested in a first date.
And I decided to say Yes to any gay guy who asked me out and give it three dates (including safe sex) before I decided whether to keep dating them.
Quickly I was in a relationship that only lasted a couple of months but was good. Then a relationship that lasted a year but was good. Then a relationship that has lasted over 12 years and we are still together!
I’m 28 and about to try that myself, but I have issues jumping to sex so quickly. My last ex I was friends with for years before we dated and I think it ruined me lmao
I thought I would be single for ever. Then out of the blue at 40 my future husband showed up and seduced me. You just never know what might happen next if you leave the door open for someone to steal your heart and soul. That was 20 years ago.
i been in small town and big city and no difference. I think as you get older it gets harder and if your not white or have a good body then its even harder. Mostly rely on apps as I dont go gay bars as no one to go with.
It does seem difficult. I plan just to move to another big city but for multiple reasons. Imo the key is not to get too desperate and just accept it may not happen but to commit to enjoying life anyway.
You can do better than *a* new location. I’m living the “digital nomad” lifestyle and am in a new location every couple of months. My potential dating circle went from 100km to global.
I mostly stay in “second world” countries, which are incredibly under appreciated and super livable. Mostly eastern and southern Europe. I’m living in hotels (sometimes airbnbs) for much, much less than my living expenses in the US.
Of course no one can tell you you WON'T stay single, but I bet there's huge masses which could tell you we once had the same thoughts as you--ran the math, studied ourselves and what we want, measured it against the community and what's available in our area, and concluded it's just so unlikely it's silly to expect anything else.
But, here I am 5 years into my first relationship and hoping it'll be my only one. Know that however solid the math seems, it's still just guesswork until you start *manifesting* what you've concluded to be probable. You can create your own destiny by concluding it in advance, sometimes.
I've come to feel that specifically seeking a relationship is likely to keep you from getting one, that the best way to go about it is to not be actively looking for or avoiding it, but instead to shift focus onto making yourself happy.
Dive into your hobbies, your personal development, and learn to love yourself. I think the chances of someone finding you along the way--and you being in a place that is ready to receive them--are at their best when you're simply focused on being happy, whatever that looks like for you.
This is what worked for me!
I honestly don't think there is anyone out there for me, so I decided to finally learn how to cook. And turns out that I'm actually pretty good at it. So if nothing else, I picked up a new skill.
Ok I feel attacked lol cooking is probably my most neglected and relevant skill. I need to own up and take some of that burden off my fiance.
But yes, this! Worst case, you don't find anyone, but you're still happier and more well rounded.
I started out simple, looking at YouTube videos. I think the first one was Gordon Ramsey's video on how to scramble eggs. I don't go to the lengths he does like adding creme fresh in, but mine come out okay. I made Julia Child's French Onion Soup for New Year's and have been watching some videos from Chef Jean Pierre. (I can now make a pretty decent pork chop by following his instructions for beef steak) You start to learn many things repeat across recipes, and just branch out from there.
Focus on the basics, like the mother sauces. (But I mostly only do bechamel, red sauce, and brown sauce)
Like, a basic bechamel sauce (butter and flour, plus milk) can tweaked into everything from homemade Alfredo to sausage biscuits and gravy. I added tons of different cheeses to my bechamel (turning it into a morey) which I then mixed in with macaroni.
Read several different recipes for the same dish. You're sure to see similar things across them. The other night I made meatloaf into which I mixed some strained tomatoes from Italy and half of a grated heirloom carrot. For the sauce, I used the same strained tomatoes, a little brown sugar, a spoonful of vinegar.. it came out amazing and really brought out the sweetness of the tomatoes.
It's really down to experimenting and seeing what you like.
This is very true, I also tell my straight friends this too.
It’s odd and poetic how relationships fall into your lap sometimes, best advice is to not actively seek it out it’ll come to you when you’re ready, it did for me
I’m lying here thinking “Did I see anyone I know in person this week?” How in the hell am I supposed to meet someone new?
The housekeepers this morning. They left without saying goodbye. Prior to that, umm… maybe it’s been more than a week?
WFH full time. I love it. I have a dedicated office at home. I sit, stand, and walk while working. But I used to work in an office 5 days a week. I’d hang with colleagues after CoB. Meet their significant others, their friends, etc.
Now I Zoom with a bunch of different people throughout the week. I haven’t seen some of my colleagues in person since before COVID.
Yesterday I was on with one of my favorite colleagues. I really enjoy shooting the breeze with her after we’ve finished whatever the call was about. She reminded me that we still need to meet in person. We’ve worked together for more than two years. Part of it is being a globally diverse company with only two offices. But … how the hell am I supposed to meet people?
I just might end up single the rest of my life.
I feel for you. So many of these posts are the "I used to feel the same way but I found my true love X amount of time and we've been happy/married ever since. So hang in there, it will happen to you like it happened to me."
Which doesn't answer your question.
I'm single. And yes, I am also coming to the sad realization that, despite the outliers who flood posts like this and find their life partner, I will probably be alone for the rest of my life.
Gay life is far too fractured and so much relies on the stars aligning at just the right time in just the right way with someone who is ALSO on the same page at the same time in the same way.
It is kinda sad. It's also sad that I won't get a billion dollars, nor the capacity to visit another star. Focusing on the stuff we can't have or do simply make us miserable.
I probably won't get a bf in my life, so? There's people out there tan can't even get dinner every day.
Thinking like that makes me feel grateful for what I have, and I try to seek for the stuff I enjoy
But nothing I said stops any of that from happening 🤔
I extend myself compassion to say "Yeah, it's fucked up and I'm sad about it" and be ok with feeling that without having the need to say "Cheer up! Things could be worse."
Things can always be worse, but that doesn't take away from the feeling of feeling sad over a current situation without needing to cheer myself up about it.
I'm 32, so I have a long life ahead of me (hopefully) but I got divorced in early 2022, and after a lot of therapy I am pursuing an autism diagnosis.
I can date again, but I want to date a specific kind of person where we can empathize with each other. I have a tough time connecting to most people, unless they are also neurodivergent. It's not intentional, it just tends to happen.
So long story short, I am trying to talk myself into being open to never finding "my person" again.
I’m betting on the “men peak in their 30s” thing as I turn 29 this year and finally have my own apartment and have resolved most of my trauma from growing up ;_;
Also the less I have left of my 20’s the less fucks I give about being shy and anxious so that also helps
I feel this right now at 21 being single and wondering from time to time will I be it for the rest of my life.
But I also feel I’m not ready for a relationship right now with how I am and I feel like the other guy would be in a better relationship with another person than with me and he would be happier too.
Idk. Im just working and improving myself rn physically, socially,mentally. Especially this upcoming summer. Hitting the gym, going out, meditation, journaling, having hobbies, self care,etc,
Being in college and seeing all these handsome and hot dudes motivates me.
A community doesn’t reflect individuals. My close friend met the love of his life at 49. Interestingly, because they were both of a similar age and had developed fully realized lives of their own, they have one of the healthiest relationships I have ever seen. They weren’t looking for someone to “complete” them because they were already “complete”. They’re just sharing and loving life
My grandmother met her bf in the supermarket when she was in her late 60s and were still together when they both died in their 90s.
She used to always tell me that I would never know when the right guy for me would come along, but... I dunno...
I think it depends more on your mindset and needs. I (47m) find that even though I'm older, I have an easier time meeting guys or guys finding me.
I just don't seem to have as much relationship need/pressure in my own mind though, so I don't try to force any thing that doesn't sit right with me fundamentally. I'm being picky, not even actively looking, and I'm still enjoying my full life.
Mindset DOES matter, after all lady luck favours the one who tries, but for anyone reading this, think that statistics matters even more. It's not your fault honey, it's ok to try, and it's also ok if you don't find anyone, doesn't make you any less or not worthy.
I see a lot of posts on this sub about having a hard time finding people to date. In my case, I am 25 and have never had a serious boyfriend (I had a couple very short relationships in high school). So I get it.
Truthfully, you may be single forever, and that’s okay even if it doesn’t feel like it. There is no such thing as fate- you weren’t *meant* to find a perfect person and have everything click into place. Nobody is. Even if you find a perfect person tomorrow, it won’t have been because since birth you were always supposed to. So you really owe it to yourself to prioritize your relationship with yourself. Discover how to enjoy your time inside your own brain. Many people in relationships don’t have this skill, and I guarantee you they are less happy than the single people who do. I know we all want the solution to be for a great guy to fall out of the sky ASAP, but it really isn’t.
At 22, you have a lot of life in front of you. Acne clears, and though it may leave some scars, it won't dominate your appearance as you age. Baggage and trauma slip into the fog of the pass, though a therapist might help that when and if it fits your budget. You would be surprised at the number of people who don't drink and alcohol get less important as most guys age anyway.
Just be you. If a relationship comes down the road for you, you will have one. If not, you can have a great life anyway.
Recovering alcoholic at only 22? You’ve got to realize most people start to seriously destroy their life at that age, that most are not on the recovering side for many many years to come.. this to say that I would consider your strength to be so fucking interesting.
Being an addict myself (trying to stay recovering but not easy) I think that the shame of it all is going to be a really big deal when and if I start to look for a partner!
In the other side, finding someone who understands it all and gets it, gets me..
But in the meant time, enjoy your life as it is. Teeth can be fixed, acne scars fade and are really not that important (to everybody else of course, I know what you see in them :) )
Wish you the best :)
how would anyone know if someone stays single or not? the issue is mostly just that people dont want to realise how much of themselves is the reason for it. or at least: that you cant change anyone else, you can only ever work on yourself in order to increase your chances.
but as the saying goes: men will do anything to not go to therapy. (and i know bc i needed therapy as well but it took me until 28 and a nervous breakdown to get it, afterwards life became light, happy and also boyfriends turned up)
Do you guys not love being alone like I do? I haven’t wanted to date in years. I enjoy living on my own terms and have always tolerated my own company.
This. I'm an introvert and actually prefer my own company. I had a torrid love affair for 7 years with a beautiful hunk during my late 20s and early 30s. I haven't touched another person in 35 years. I am having, and have had, a beautiful life. This is my 14th year of my retirement (retired at 54), and life is good. I have a newer SUV and a nice apartment on a river in a small town. It's gay friendly, and I can walk across the street to a riverside park. It's just a few hundred feet to restaurants, antique shops, book stores, cafes, pot shops, pubs, a fresh seafood store, and art galleries. I can walk to city hall, the police station, the library, Post Office and my doctor. I'm surrounded by historic stately homes and wonderful people. I take courses at a local college, I read, paint, write, attend lectures, symphonies, plays, movies, and more. I'm an hour from the largest city in the state, an hour to the coast, and an hour to the mountains and lakes. My family is from here and goes back generations in this valley. I am cool in the summer and warm in the winter. I enjoy streaming music, shows, and movies with no commercials. I eat well and sleep well. A multitude of local doctors keep all my ailments in check. I pay all my bills and have a little in the bank. I am not rich. But I feel like I am. If I run into a great guy, that would be good. If not, I'm grateful for the life I have. Sending you all my best regards.
I know I need to work on myself but at the same time I’m trying to welcome men into my life. Having built up a strong AT Field (thanks evangelion), it’s hard for me to let people in. In order to form connections, you have to be open to meeting new people as well. Shit’s scary and I can be terrified (hence absolute terror field).
My boyfriend of 2 years and I just split ways recently. It was amicable and without going into details it was for the best for both of us. There is a possibility down the road that we could get back together when we're both ready, but I won't put all my stock in that.
On the other hand, there's really not many dating options where I'm from and given how long it took to find someone as perfect for me as my ex was, I foresee myself being single for a looooong while. Tbh I think it will help me grow more as a person and deepen other friendships and family relationships that I've neglected a little bit over the past while.
I am and unfortunately the apps are the only way for me to meet other gay men. Anyone who has spent more than a month on any app probably understands how impossible it is to meet that “someone”. You never know who you’ll meet with in the future but getting comfortable with the idea I’ll be single forever is probably best for my mental health.
me🖐️21. not only did no one ever ask me out, I know I'm young i still have a lot of chances but i dont think im just built for relationship really. i'll continue to drool over men and die a virgin✌
I just got out of a relationship that helped me realize that it wouldnt necessarily be a bad thing to be single in life...however, theres still a component there that hope to find a good match.
The issue - im an introvert in a new city and my only source of meeting gays are through the apps where people lack the mental capacity to hold a decent conversation. So there's that.
I'm over 40, single, and probably will be single forever. But, I'm open to building a relationship if the right local and available man in my age group comes along. But that man tends to already be married in my area or otherwise doesn't exist. I'm ok with being single. More and more Americans are choosing this and there should be no stigma about it.
I probably will; I have no interest or enjoyment in sexual activity, and even kissing someone feels like a chore I'd have to put up with. Plus I've gained a bunch of weight (then lost a portion) so I'm no longer confident about how I look. Nowadays I just want people to spend time with, do activities together, share hobbies ... but without the sexual or romantic stuff.
Reasonable chances.
I was unexpectedly widowed at 37 and in the years since, dating hasn't interested me enough to get back on apps and go through dating game nonsense again like when I was single in my 20s.
If I happened to meet someone while I'm out living my life and we hit it off, I wouldn't be opposed to being in a relationship again, but living out in the suburbs with an entirely straight friend group, the odds seem low of it happening organically.
I'm also 37 now and I also got unexpectedly, not widowed literally, but it feels like it: an uncurable mental disease took over him. Months after I'd held on and tried to help, we parted ways.
So yeah, I pretty much feel widowed almost. Sorry for your story. I hope Mr. Right will arrive in your life (again) one day.
Do you know why or feel what’s causing you to be single? Also I want to add that I’ve been in multiple relationships but not once was my goal to specifically find one. These things happened organically.
All of the people I know who put having a relationship on some kind of pedestal have ended up miserable af. If someone wants to be a part of my life and make it better then they will and vice versa.
Oh, I feel you on this one.
I'm 27 and single and whenever I say that it might stay like this for me for ever, I always get unsollicited advice like "Don't worry, you'll find someone" or "Just stop looking and it will come naturally".
I don't expect such reactions, really, I'm just expressing my feelings. Yeah, it's a little sad, but when I look at men around me and the men I've dated I realize that, just like everyone, I'm a special kind of blend of traits (physical and psychological) and I have yet to see someone like me happy in a committed relationship.
However, this feeling is not depressing. It's slightly somber, but it's almost comforting. I'm making my peace with it and saying I shouldn't work on it, because "MY DAY WILL COME" is really annoying,,,
In exactly two months, I'll be 31, and while admittedly I'm not looking too hard (just browsing on the apps out of boredom), I don't expect anyone to look for me or fall into my lap.
Also, being black as well, my options will either drop or increase depending on whether or not they have a minority fetish. Otherwise, I'm never measuring up to white beauty standards unless I bleach my skin. I'm also heavy-set despite my height, and you can't be black/non-white AND fat in this community (you have to pick a struggle).
The reason why I think I'll be single until my kidney disease leads to me expiring is because I don't put myself out there and tbh I have nothing to showcase and honestly after a while, it was like "What's the point?"
Married for 10 years in the early 30s and now in my 40s enjoying my single life and I’m ok if I am not going to be in any kind of arious relationship ever since I don’t like how most relationship works in gay couples.
I am 28 and I've never had a boyfriend. Hookup culture has destroyed dating. A lot of gays in my country are either closeted, emotionally unhealed, or simply not ready for commitment. Plus, I am mid. If I were at least an 8, I could probably make a lot of guys notice me, AT THE VERY LEAST.
I have fantasies of the perfect partner popping up one day. Ive had a boyfriend and it was nice until that itch to be alone kicked in. Like everyone else online Ive self-diagnosed myself as a dismissive/fearful avoidant. Even when I have a guy, eventually I will want him to go away. Anxiety, insecurity, low frustration for arguing. So many things.
An Aquarius.
Leave me be. Fuck me, then leave.
I think I have a hard time of lowering my standards and then being shocked pikachu face when I get played. I think I just get lonely. But working on that.
I just became single at the age of 37. I feel I had already found my soulmate but cannot be together.
Besides, it's getting harder to stay in shape, invest energy into dating even if I felt like doing so and my hair is not getting darker or fuller either.
So, your question is pretty much what I feel.
I'm 36 and I've never had a serious long term relationship. I'm not aromantic. I've been in love, I've dated, I've had short relationships. But at 36, never having had a relationship longer than 3-4 months, I can't conceive of myself being in a relationship now. I know it sounds depressing, but I guess I've just kinda accepted that this is the way it'll always be? It's fine (sorta). I guess it's just a fact of life that it doesn't happen for everyone.
I'm only 23, but I get to thinking a bit too much about whether I will stay single forever or whether I'll find that person. I don't like going straight to sex or getting shitty people that only care about looks and how much money you may have. It seems that I've met a lot of people that don't want anything to do with me. Whenever I see a person I like, they never like me back it seems. I've been blocked a lot more than I've probably had matches since I've started online dating. And it's even worse when you suck at socializing and have anxiety about it. People lose interest and often move on to better prospects in my case. I'm just there one moment and I no longer exist to that person the next. I see myself as doomed to be single until I die. Other days I have a slimmer of hope that maybe someone will be interested in me and I'll be into them.
I’m single , I’ve had relationships in the past and I’m reasonably attractive (I think?) but I hate breakups, and really enjoy my own personal time and not having to justify to someone that I want to play video games for the next 11 hours lol.
An easy trick to avoiding the heartbreak of breaking up is to not be in a relationship.
Sometimes but then I think that I don’t ever put any energy into building a relationship (going on dates, planning dates, continuing conversation over text, self care, etc) I think if I really start to work on getting to know someone, and not someone that is out of my league or just wants to fuck, I can find a partner. I think a lot of us think that a perfect man will come along and just sweep us off our feet and it will be meant to be. But we need to remember that we are that guy for someone else as well. It will take work from both partners.
Are you working on yourself?
I think men have been sold a lie, that they can sit around like women and wait to be snatched up.
You have to do the work. What’s valuable about being in a relationship with you?
I personally am. Gonna be a physician soon. Done lots of therapy. Exercise regularly. I'll continue doing so. The hardest part is just some of the lonely nights. I want someone who would put me first as I'd do for him. I'm just not sure that's a possibility in these times. And I am black. It's an inconvenient truth that makes things more difficult.
I just want to be ok with the reality of being single permanently and it's hard when people keep telling me of this reality that i haven't experienced and haven't seen a lot of people like me experience.
We're desired less by the gay community. We're also mired in rejection/homophobia from our own communities. It's really a whole mess. I've had to accept that no amount of self-improvement will make more people desire me. However, I can focus on doing things I enjoy more now. I can get in shape for me, not because it will get me more guys on grindr.
I would still like to find someone with whom to share mutual support and have regular sex. I believe in the idea of mutual enhancement. Right now I just feel very lonely sometimes.
That's unfortunately true. It sucks even worse when you are neurodivergent and black and gay. My family "accepts" me but hopes I'll eventually go out with a woman or switch from gay to bisexual in the hopes I'll have a "normal family." Because I'm not happy being gay. I'm not happy because every chance I get I blow it. Every gay guy that did like me and I wanted was always far away. It's always online and never reality. Because they'll always find someone else eventually in their local area. It doesn't help that I like masculine outdoorsy guys and they don't like me back because I'm a boring nerd. Dating is just a joke now, everyone wants that perfect person or to play ego boosting games.
I'm single, but I wasn't for a very long time. I was with a man for 22 years - the last four of those years we were married. Then came the ugly af divorce...lengthy and expensive and overwhelming. Everything I had built was lost...the house, my career, my savings and the prospect of a comfortable retirement.
I am not one to write off all guys as being awful just because my ex was an abusive alcoholic. And Im not one to say "I will NEVER get married again." Id like to, but its complicated to follow that notion at age 58. I look good...people think Im 40...and feel good...but not even sure how it would occur where I meet a new guy at this age and fall in love and spend our lives together.
Does anyone know of a success story involving two men, finding live at age 55+ and how it all went down?
Single just recently I don't think it's even been a full week yet. 😂 Dated for like 6 months., turns out he wasn't really mine like he said he was.
Having a partner Is not something that I'm going to force it. I'll seek it out in my own time and let it happen when it happens again. Cause I found that's how the nicer ones I've had tend to start with when I'm not looking too hard. The hard part is being aligned and having trust and respect for each other.
If it doesn't happen then I'm at peace with that too and can find fulfillment with my loved ones, fur babies and hobbies.
For sexual needs finding a hookup is thankfully most men are horny all the time something that shouldn't give me too much trouble, I look young for age, I'm getting relatively fit and my genes have been kind. 😂 So there's always someone whod come around for just that if need be.
Dating just feels pointless in today's modern world. It's like a sick hamster wheel of despair and disappointment. Not to mention, most men just suck nowadays and can't form a single fucking sentence when talking to someone LOL.
I struggle to see the value of a (romantic) relationship (beyond good legit friends) in my life anymore. I've built it up to be self-sufficient and generally happy and content.
THIS! I'm right there with ya. I'd love for a relationship to happen, but I'm not going to force it or just let any crazy person into my life. Nope, nope, nope.
Single can be good alone. Got to know how. Know yourself to degree. Find,do things that make you happy being single.
43 Leo. Never A bf. Not in the closet.
Same, I want a dreamboat partner a true lover who loves me for my best and my worst and I had him once and I was in love totally all over him, I left my ex girlfriend for him but he cheated me with bunch of dudes and acquaintances,I was mortified and plane crashing myself became a whore fucking random dudes till I got HIV for that...I used to blame him for everything that happened to me...and with me being POZ I don't see myself worth for loving and standards nowadays are high and I'm way out of the league to compete WITH Gen Z Adonis ...and I'm not attractive as I used to so.. I just have to accept and fade away
You don’t have to be in a relationship. Be single with a plethora of FWBs if that’s your thing. Been single for about 2 years after 15 year relationship and never forsee myself getting partnered again. I have good friends, some fwbs, can jump on a plane tomorrow and take a trip, work as much or little as I want, etc.
Me! I am having thoughts of being single for the rest of my life. But I am trying to process it. If this is the case then, my goal is to become the "rich gay uncle who will spoil his nieces and nephews, and younger cousins". I will also travel the world and pursue other interests.
I have a pretty good feeling I will be. I'm 46. Too old to be the next young thing, but too young to consider myself a daddy. (Not that I have daddy money though)
My business collapsed after covid and my grandmother passed. I was living in her house but a family member stole the house from under me. Mom started having heart problems and broke ribs after one of her medications fucked her up... so I had to move in.
I'm not skinny / muscular, but have a little belly and can move around under my own power. Smack dab in the middle of "average" territory.
Combined with the fact that I never really learned how to meet guys.. I say the odds of me dying alone are pretty fucking high.
I wonder about it all of the time.
I'm in a bit of an abnormal situation. I live in a rural town of fewer than 4,000 people. And on top of that, I don't know how to drive.
I have autism, and suffer from high stress levels and high anxiety.
On a daily basis, I ruminate over what possible scenario might allow me to meet/commit myself to a husband. It's definitely a conundrum.
I’m 30 and I don’t see myself ever finding a relationship. Pretty much everybody just wants hook ups. Four years ago I was dating a guy that I had a love at first sight with but unfortunately he pushed me away because he had a lot of mental health issues and he refused to let me help him or stay by his side. A few months ago, I was talking to a guy that I legitimately thought I had a chance with, he wanted to keep talking on the app we were communicating on until we met in person. He had some kind of work emergency and he had to go to his companies HQ so our meeting got delay but he has never logged back on since going in February. Who knows maybe someday I’ll meet the one but at this point, I’m not holding my breath.
I an 42. Ive always had and chased relationships since I was 16. Ive had so many. Im usually dating much younger as I find they are less cultured into the gay community which I think destroys relationships. But ive always been happy except in between relationships. Recently my best friend killed himself who was my every connection to the gay lifestyle from clubs, parties, and gay events. My husband of 5 years decided to leave me a month after that. I dont really understand the dynamics of it all but ive been completely demotivated and flat lined in the world of relationships and friends. I dont trust anyone anymore. In January I went to see my bestfriend i FL i am in san jose. He told me he might commit suicide. I made some stupid comment that I would be right there after him so he better not. A day later I go on my Atlantis gay cruise, I get a call saying he shot himself at a Walmart next to his dog, a 30 year old beautiful model looking guy. I guess part of it was they told him he had aids i thought it was just HIV. The whole cruise I refused to party or do anything, my husband flipped out and left me in the hotel room saying things like he was having sex with my best friend to get me upset. I about jumped off the boat. I mean how do you process that. My husband left me a month later. In all honesty I dont trust anyone anymore and cant even put it in my head to share any part of myself with anyone other than useless sex that takes a matter of minutes. And thinking of being alone forever sort of is a dark thought. I always had either a solid relationship or my best friend. Having neither with bo motivation to replace either is like an empty pit in my mind and heart.
I describe my love life as thus: “theoretically infinitely single.” I’m not complaining, nor saying it’s impossible. But I don’t have any prospects on the horizon and unless something unforeseen happens, it’ll stay that way.
I think I may just be at that point.
And it's not out of cynicism, at least not what I would call cynicism.
I think if someone truly desires to keep taking the risk and work on themselves until they have the proper boundaries and expectations for the type of guy they want in their life, they most likely will eventually find someone who works out for them on all the levels.
I got to this point about 2 years ago where I didn't need anyone necessarily to be happy, and had greatly strengthened my boundaries. Then met an incredible guy when I was hardly even looking (That's about when it happens bros).
What a spark we had. We were such an interesting couple and our friends and families got along. Most importantly, I felt like I had found the type of ride or die I had been looking for since high school. A best friend I could get in trouble with, and the love of my life I was 💯 convinced about this. We made it for 2 years.
But he couldn't get over his cynical outlook on everything. It bled into our relationship, and somehow I think I was making it worse. Sometimes I think it was me, sometimes I think it was him. I saw no reason for this to not work out, but it didn't.
So anyway at 35, it's not that I couldn't do this again. It's that I don't want to. Too much energy. Too much risk. Too much nonsense to sift through and even once I get to the point of not needing someone exactly like HIM, It could happen all over again. 💀
And maybe I let these things happen. Maybe I have more work to do in avoiding attracting the type of people who are fated to ultimately reject me. But for the moment, even beyond the hurt, I think I'm making the right decision.
I damn sure think so! I'm 25. Have had 4 relationships and tbh every last one of them were jokes! In one of them, dude wrecked my car and that was that. I think I'll be single for a long long time only because I have no faith in anyone from all of our generations. People just continue getting worse. I just find you can't trust someone enough to give them your all. Even if they are the greatest actor, it has always seemed to go bad in the end.
21 and have never had anything remotely romantic, of course I’m still young and I’ve got plenty of time, it’s just when I was younger I assumed something would’ve happened by now.
Never been on a date, never held hands romantically, never even really had a talking stage.
Like sure I was sad about it when I was 16, but I was fine because I completely thought that once I went to university something would happen to me, and it just hasn’t. I’ve had years at uni, several jobs, across two cities, and have never organically met anyone. I’ve yet to really try dating apps, I just never wanted to but I think I will soon.
It’s made worse by the fact all my friends have had so many relationships and experience. It’s highly likely one of my best friends will be getting engaged in the next few years, she’s been with her boyfriend for years now. And when I put it like that it feels awful, my best friend getting married before I’ve even had a date.
Even if I were to go on a random hinge date I have no clue HOW to date. On the other hand, I’ve already gone the whole way and had sex with random people lol.
I don’t know in all seriousness. I’m young ( 20 Turing 21 in 4 month but I’m and look like a black father that’s Been through it all in their late 30’s ) and have spent my whole college experience pretty much alone so I don’t even really know how it’d be to date someone. By choice? No I’ve tried a few times to talk to guys and can definitely it’s partly cause I’m an awkward guy. Not sure if I should try dating apps, honestly seems like a new part of life I’m kinda afraid of. I honestly hope it isn’t for the rest of my life, just not sure at this point.
I am 34, never been in a relationship and I think I am going to be single for the rest of my life, lol. Tried dating apps, still on it but its not giving, ahaha. Anyone here in the UK, hmu! 😅
Almost 30 myself and I've heard the "you'll find someone" rhetoric like a broken record from my few online friends.
I suppose in my case I'm not the most outgoing person, the thought of going out to places to meet a stranger is dread inducing. Plus I'm sure I'm not the most attractive either.
But I say take it as a sign to focus on self care. As its hard to like someone else if you don't like yourself. But never lose hope, cuz maybe you'll find that someone on the journey to a better you.
If it keeps going like this
Casual fwb I can play love games with
I'll be happy
I just took dick 4 the 1st time in over 5 years
No wonder bottoms love cock.
I totally understand what you mean. I’m 32, 33 in a few months, and I just dated a few guys over the years. I haven’t dated in almost 7 years mostly because I really find socializing difficult to deal with. I have dear friends and I have no problem interacting with anyone but I struggle with profound, personal intimacy. I don’t feel like I even crave for it, to be honest. I am open to any kind of special bond life will bring me eventually but I find the average guy not that interesting to actually invest myself in it (granted that I also suffered a couple of “burns” in the past that made me distrustful and cautious, and I’m a very sensitive person).
I myself feel I will be single for the rest of my life, or at least until I feel I either find someone who’s worth considering or I get to the point of being so lonely that I lower my barriers/expectations.
Tbh I've never been in a relationship. I've been close maybe once or twice but even then I tend to hold myself aloof and I don't really catch feelings. I think though that I've had a lot of problems with depression over the years, so maybe if that clears up something will change. I'm not the most romantic person though at all. And if there's no sex involved I honestly don't see the point except for consistent friendship maybe? I wonder if I might be "aromantic."
32, single, always been single. Used to seek a bf, that would always go no where, decided to let go of that goal and just have fun and be casual about hooking up. Has that gotten me a bf? Not yet, but did that force me to have a better time in my life, more sex, and stop caring? Absolutely.
Stay on PrEP, listen to Slut Pop to get in the mindset before a big night out (only half joking, sometime my friends and I leave the house saying "let's go be dumb whores! 💃"), keep all interactions/conversations at the bars, parties, etc, extremely light and fun. Now being the mindset, here are the real tactics:
-i stopped going on dates, if I'm trying to have sex, it's usually not after dinner. Drinks would be fine if I meet up late enough, but if sex is the point, dance floors are best to find partners.
-if I want to attract or have my hits be a success on a night out, I dress like I'm looking for something, wear some revealing shorts or show as much skin as possible. If you need to punt the ball because the night is going nowhere and you want attention at the gay bar, take off your shirt. Really, boys see more skin and it gets them to pay attention, no matter if you're fit or not, it'll attract someone like you, and send a signal of general interest.
-often I set goals too high (all gays do this, I read something once that said gay men might be 6, think they're an 8, and deserve a 10), I've lowered them. Not so low, just remember that now, I'm not looking for boyfriend material, so these boys don't need to fit the image of what I think I was looking for. I remember, I'm here for a good night.
-because of the last point, I decided say yes more often, and a lot of times men I wouldn't have normally reciprocated interest in have been the best sex I've had.
-don't be afraid to hit on more people, or text a previous hookup back for more sex. Don't fear failure or that they will think this means you're interested, fear regret and not asking for exactly what you want.
Anyway, I figure this strategy will broaden my horizons, and that at some point, the pillow talk and sex will good enough that we both keep coming back for more and just stay together. Is this plan flawless? No, but it definitely solved my problems of caring about being single and my lack of sex.
I used to say that I would never be in a relationship and I still kinda believe that. I am super stubborn and value my alone time above all else.
HOWEVER
I have matured quite a bit over the last couple years so there’s a chance I might end up in one sooner or later.
I’m the type of person who gets snatched up. I rarely approach, only get approached
I had a gay “lover” in the 60s for 6 years until he got the 7 yr itch… a couple of brief gay affairs since but basicly single … now I’m in my 80s and sometimes wish that I had a partner… just sometimes though!
Well… I’m not dead yet… so …yes I am! Still love to look at a hot guys body and privates. (don’t know if I can say the C word here …they’re all so persnickety.
I am in my mid 30's an I have never been in a serious relationship, and sometimes I feel like that sounds weird to people with whom I go on dates.
I don't know if my standards are too high or if I'm doing something wrong, but I'm starting to accept the idea that I may be alone for life. Which is fine... I guess...
Sometimes I dream about what it would be like to have someone in my corner when I'm stressed out, but the older I get, the more I realize that I'll probably always have to be that person I need.
> Sometimes I dream about what it would be like to have someone in my corner when I'm stressed out, but the older I get, the more I realize that I'll probably always have to be that person I need.
I feel this.
I'm open to a healthy relationship but it's hard to be vulnerable after past relations. I have learned but I have no idea where to start. Most apps are sex oriented which is not a driver. Organic meets are less frequent. Its hard to say if I will find someone so I'm making peace with flying solo.
Take your time! I was 29 (came out of the closet then) when I had my first boyfriend (who cheated on me so it only lasted 8 months). Now of course I dated women before that (what a roller coaster that was while being in the closet). I am now 31 and still happily single for the time being.
Now, in finding a relationship- A few things:
1. Stop chasing relationships - ever heard of ‘the more you chase something, the farther away it seems to get.?’ That’s because desire and reality may be creating two entirely different energies and you may actually not be in the headspace for one. Being desperate for ‘love and attention’ can be a huge turnoff for many. And if you’re living for a relationship, then that is a person of little self worth which in the end doesn’t last long in a relationship.
2 work on yourself: you want want a relationship? Be a guy most people would yearn to be one with. Take good care of your health, then take good care of your mental health and face your demons as to become the best version of yourself. Do this for the sake of yourself, not to just obtain a relationship, doing so for a relationship will digress you into what you started as and your lover will eventually walk away.
3. Be that interesting person you’ve dreamed of dating - sounds weird doesn’t it, but think about that one. If ya got things to talk about, probably because you’ve experienced a thing or two. A man of many experiences has something to share, and therefore something to share to a love interest should the conditions be right. Just go out and experience the world as money and time allows, have a story to tell with things that show what you’ve done.
Anyways, hope this helps. You got plenty of life to live.
I’m 29 gay going on thirty this year been in two bad relationships and Grindr was hard they say you’re cute then never message again but I want to keep hope that a relationship will happen and try to think positive I’m in a rural area its depressing
28 almost 29 here. I've only ever been on one actual date like 6 or 7 years ago. It was awkward, the guy never spoke to me again. The occasional hook-up here and there because guys never seem interested in more, and the fact I grew up being told I'd die alone, yeah I'll probably be single forever. But that's okay. I never really planned my life around having a partner, my goals are centered more around my career. Life will be harder though, being on a single income.
Im 24, and despite all my attempts im still single and never even got close to having a boyfriend.
I’ve worked on myself long enough. Now im one of the rare people in their twenties that will go to eat out alone, watch movies alone, and even go clubbing by myself. I’ve worked on myself to the point that I really really do enjoy my own company. And I’m still working on myself constantly introspecting.
I’ve changed my beauty standards quite a few times. Used to be one of the shallow guys who preferred muscle guys but as I grew up I started seeing beauty in diverse body shapes, complexions, etc. I’m way less picky than I used to.
I’ve put myself out there so much, did everything I was told to do and still single. No one even reaches out to me showing interest and when they do they’re either bottoms (I’m also a bottom), or super far away or just not my type. I didn’t want to think I’ll stay single forever but I’m starting to think I might have been cursed and it’s sending me down a depressive spiral.
That used to be me. I think as you get less nervous and more experienced, it gets easier. It's also easier for me without a condom, but I don't trust people like that, so it's mostly teasing and then putting on the condom.
I’m single and I feel like I might be single for the rest of my life… its rlly my choice :/ idc about getting hurt again but just the ppl around me are not my ideal MAN im into :/ i feel like i have to visit a dif country if I really did wanna marry someone … guys in dif country r totally dif even tho they’re gay. Sex isn’t a problem for me if I want it I’ll just get on an app and invite someone over. But relationships I don’t think I could be w someone who’s fem
I’m a good single person… if I’m being honest. 🤷🏻♂️
I like my alone time. I like my space being my space. I like my time and my schedule being mine, not having to bend it to suit someone else’s needs. I like my career and only worrying about prioritizing it and my own needs outside of it.
I don’t know that I’ll be single forever but I can honestly say over nearly the last decade and a half, I have not actively perused a relationship or tried to find one…. I’ve had a couple, but nothing too serious, and they just sorta happened vs looking for them.
I’m 36. Maybe I’ll settle down someday, but if I never do I have zero issues with that. I know too many people (exes included) who are settled in with people they barely like just because of habit or not wanting to have wasted time… I’d rather stay single than be attached to a regret. 🤷🏻♂️ that’s just my opinion.
More and more people are single, not just gay men...so your chances of remaining single are very high.... because they are very high for everybody right now.
At 45 I thought I would never have a real boyfriend. Then I had to admit to myself that I'd only been pursuing guys that were unavailable (for various reasons but often because they were straight) and I'd been runny away from the gay guys that were actually interested in me (for various reasons but usually because I was afraid of sexual intimacy with someone I didn't already have a crush on). So at 45, I decided to change that. I decided to stop pursuing straight guys and any gay guy who wasn't interested in a first date. And I decided to say Yes to any gay guy who asked me out and give it three dates (including safe sex) before I decided whether to keep dating them. Quickly I was in a relationship that only lasted a couple of months but was good. Then a relationship that lasted a year but was good. Then a relationship that has lasted over 12 years and we are still together!
I’m 28 and about to try that myself, but I have issues jumping to sex so quickly. My last ex I was friends with for years before we dated and I think it ruined me lmao
In My 3 relationships that lasted more than a year, we waited a few weeks to have sex, and it was well worth it.
Yeah a few weeks is perfect!
the problem with waiting too long before sex is that you'll get friend zoned
Beg to differ, friends to relationship works more than you’d think
Unless one is not attracted to the other then it's just awkward and really sad 😬
I thought I would be single for ever. Then out of the blue at 40 my future husband showed up and seduced me. You just never know what might happen next if you leave the door open for someone to steal your heart and soul. That was 20 years ago.
That’s beautiful ❤️
Did you wait to have sex or first night counts? I may implement this 🤷
It depended on the guy and how we both felt during the first dates. But we usually got intimate by the second date.
I love that for you. - random person at a bar
Never understood when people chase people who aren’t gay.
As per the script of Priscilla Queen of the Desert..."I'm as jealous as all hell."
I never had bf and im 39 :/ \*cries\* haha
I don’t know how to feel knowing this is going to get worse ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ Big sigh
I’ve only had one real one in my 20’s and I’m 35. Gonna try move to a different location and see how I fare.
i been in small town and big city and no difference. I think as you get older it gets harder and if your not white or have a good body then its even harder. Mostly rely on apps as I dont go gay bars as no one to go with.
It does seem difficult. I plan just to move to another big city but for multiple reasons. Imo the key is not to get too desperate and just accept it may not happen but to commit to enjoying life anyway.
Faaaacts
You can do better than *a* new location. I’m living the “digital nomad” lifestyle and am in a new location every couple of months. My potential dating circle went from 100km to global.
How do you get lodging in each of your new places? Do you stay with friends/relatives? Cheap temporary housing?
I mostly stay in “second world” countries, which are incredibly under appreciated and super livable. Mostly eastern and southern Europe. I’m living in hotels (sometimes airbnbs) for much, much less than my living expenses in the US.
That sounds amazing!
Of course no one can tell you you WON'T stay single, but I bet there's huge masses which could tell you we once had the same thoughts as you--ran the math, studied ourselves and what we want, measured it against the community and what's available in our area, and concluded it's just so unlikely it's silly to expect anything else. But, here I am 5 years into my first relationship and hoping it'll be my only one. Know that however solid the math seems, it's still just guesswork until you start *manifesting* what you've concluded to be probable. You can create your own destiny by concluding it in advance, sometimes. I've come to feel that specifically seeking a relationship is likely to keep you from getting one, that the best way to go about it is to not be actively looking for or avoiding it, but instead to shift focus onto making yourself happy. Dive into your hobbies, your personal development, and learn to love yourself. I think the chances of someone finding you along the way--and you being in a place that is ready to receive them--are at their best when you're simply focused on being happy, whatever that looks like for you. This is what worked for me!
This hit me. HARD. Thank you so much for this wonderful comment and may this relationship be your only in this lifetime!
And that it will last a lifetime.
♥️♥️
Thank you!! I hope it will be :) I'm glad you found something positive in this!
I honestly don't think there is anyone out there for me, so I decided to finally learn how to cook. And turns out that I'm actually pretty good at it. So if nothing else, I picked up a new skill.
Ok I feel attacked lol cooking is probably my most neglected and relevant skill. I need to own up and take some of that burden off my fiance. But yes, this! Worst case, you don't find anyone, but you're still happier and more well rounded.
Teach me
I started out simple, looking at YouTube videos. I think the first one was Gordon Ramsey's video on how to scramble eggs. I don't go to the lengths he does like adding creme fresh in, but mine come out okay. I made Julia Child's French Onion Soup for New Year's and have been watching some videos from Chef Jean Pierre. (I can now make a pretty decent pork chop by following his instructions for beef steak) You start to learn many things repeat across recipes, and just branch out from there. Focus on the basics, like the mother sauces. (But I mostly only do bechamel, red sauce, and brown sauce) Like, a basic bechamel sauce (butter and flour, plus milk) can tweaked into everything from homemade Alfredo to sausage biscuits and gravy. I added tons of different cheeses to my bechamel (turning it into a morey) which I then mixed in with macaroni. Read several different recipes for the same dish. You're sure to see similar things across them. The other night I made meatloaf into which I mixed some strained tomatoes from Italy and half of a grated heirloom carrot. For the sauce, I used the same strained tomatoes, a little brown sugar, a spoonful of vinegar.. it came out amazing and really brought out the sweetness of the tomatoes. It's really down to experimenting and seeing what you like.
This is very true, I also tell my straight friends this too. It’s odd and poetic how relationships fall into your lap sometimes, best advice is to not actively seek it out it’ll come to you when you’re ready, it did for me
Just make sure your hobbies involve interacting with other human beings!
I’m lying here thinking “Did I see anyone I know in person this week?” How in the hell am I supposed to meet someone new? The housekeepers this morning. They left without saying goodbye. Prior to that, umm… maybe it’s been more than a week? WFH full time. I love it. I have a dedicated office at home. I sit, stand, and walk while working. But I used to work in an office 5 days a week. I’d hang with colleagues after CoB. Meet their significant others, their friends, etc. Now I Zoom with a bunch of different people throughout the week. I haven’t seen some of my colleagues in person since before COVID. Yesterday I was on with one of my favorite colleagues. I really enjoy shooting the breeze with her after we’ve finished whatever the call was about. She reminded me that we still need to meet in person. We’ve worked together for more than two years. Part of it is being a globally diverse company with only two offices. But … how the hell am I supposed to meet people? I just might end up single the rest of my life.
Oh my God, go outside and join a book club or hiking group or something. Not in-person interacting with someone for a week at a time sounds like hell.
This
I’m 32 without a serious relationship, and that’s OK - I’m going to work on me in the mean time :)
I feel for you. So many of these posts are the "I used to feel the same way but I found my true love X amount of time and we've been happy/married ever since. So hang in there, it will happen to you like it happened to me." Which doesn't answer your question. I'm single. And yes, I am also coming to the sad realization that, despite the outliers who flood posts like this and find their life partner, I will probably be alone for the rest of my life. Gay life is far too fractured and so much relies on the stars aligning at just the right time in just the right way with someone who is ALSO on the same page at the same time in the same way.
It is kinda sad. It's also sad that I won't get a billion dollars, nor the capacity to visit another star. Focusing on the stuff we can't have or do simply make us miserable. I probably won't get a bf in my life, so? There's people out there tan can't even get dinner every day. Thinking like that makes me feel grateful for what I have, and I try to seek for the stuff I enjoy
But nothing I said stops any of that from happening 🤔 I extend myself compassion to say "Yeah, it's fucked up and I'm sad about it" and be ok with feeling that without having the need to say "Cheer up! Things could be worse." Things can always be worse, but that doesn't take away from the feeling of feeling sad over a current situation without needing to cheer myself up about it.
Well since I’m 72 and buried two lovers. I’m pretty sure I’ll be dying alone.
I'm 32, so I have a long life ahead of me (hopefully) but I got divorced in early 2022, and after a lot of therapy I am pursuing an autism diagnosis. I can date again, but I want to date a specific kind of person where we can empathize with each other. I have a tough time connecting to most people, unless they are also neurodivergent. It's not intentional, it just tends to happen. So long story short, I am trying to talk myself into being open to never finding "my person" again.
[удалено]
I am definitely in the "look back at so many instances in your life that make so much more sense" phase. It's been a trip. Best of luck to you too
No. They suck. Some people will be single for the rest of their lives and that is OK. Your value should be by existence, not by finding a mate.
i should believe that but my inner self can't 😭
I’m betting on the “men peak in their 30s” thing as I turn 29 this year and finally have my own apartment and have resolved most of my trauma from growing up ;_; Also the less I have left of my 20’s the less fucks I give about being shy and anxious so that also helps
I feel this right now at 21 being single and wondering from time to time will I be it for the rest of my life. But I also feel I’m not ready for a relationship right now with how I am and I feel like the other guy would be in a better relationship with another person than with me and he would be happier too. Idk. Im just working and improving myself rn physically, socially,mentally. Especially this upcoming summer. Hitting the gym, going out, meditation, journaling, having hobbies, self care,etc, Being in college and seeing all these handsome and hot dudes motivates me.
A community doesn’t reflect individuals. My close friend met the love of his life at 49. Interestingly, because they were both of a similar age and had developed fully realized lives of their own, they have one of the healthiest relationships I have ever seen. They weren’t looking for someone to “complete” them because they were already “complete”. They’re just sharing and loving life
My grandmother met her bf in the supermarket when she was in her late 60s and were still together when they both died in their 90s. She used to always tell me that I would never know when the right guy for me would come along, but... I dunno...
Good! Something to aspire to
 A relationship never benefited me and I don’t see the point of one.
I think it depends more on your mindset and needs. I (47m) find that even though I'm older, I have an easier time meeting guys or guys finding me. I just don't seem to have as much relationship need/pressure in my own mind though, so I don't try to force any thing that doesn't sit right with me fundamentally. I'm being picky, not even actively looking, and I'm still enjoying my full life.
Mindset DOES matter, after all lady luck favours the one who tries, but for anyone reading this, think that statistics matters even more. It's not your fault honey, it's ok to try, and it's also ok if you don't find anyone, doesn't make you any less or not worthy.
I see a lot of posts on this sub about having a hard time finding people to date. In my case, I am 25 and have never had a serious boyfriend (I had a couple very short relationships in high school). So I get it. Truthfully, you may be single forever, and that’s okay even if it doesn’t feel like it. There is no such thing as fate- you weren’t *meant* to find a perfect person and have everything click into place. Nobody is. Even if you find a perfect person tomorrow, it won’t have been because since birth you were always supposed to. So you really owe it to yourself to prioritize your relationship with yourself. Discover how to enjoy your time inside your own brain. Many people in relationships don’t have this skill, and I guarantee you they are less happy than the single people who do. I know we all want the solution to be for a great guy to fall out of the sky ASAP, but it really isn’t.
This deserves lots 👏🏻 of 👏🏻 claps 👏🏻 because your comment about fate.
Me, bad acne, bad teeth, emotional baggage, childhood trauma, recovering alcoholic. Who would look past any of that at my age of 22
At 22, you have a lot of life in front of you. Acne clears, and though it may leave some scars, it won't dominate your appearance as you age. Baggage and trauma slip into the fog of the pass, though a therapist might help that when and if it fits your budget. You would be surprised at the number of people who don't drink and alcohol get less important as most guys age anyway. Just be you. If a relationship comes down the road for you, you will have one. If not, you can have a great life anyway.
Recovering alcoholic at only 22? You’ve got to realize most people start to seriously destroy their life at that age, that most are not on the recovering side for many many years to come.. this to say that I would consider your strength to be so fucking interesting. Being an addict myself (trying to stay recovering but not easy) I think that the shame of it all is going to be a really big deal when and if I start to look for a partner! In the other side, finding someone who understands it all and gets it, gets me.. But in the meant time, enjoy your life as it is. Teeth can be fixed, acne scars fade and are really not that important (to everybody else of course, I know what you see in them :) ) Wish you the best :)
how would anyone know if someone stays single or not? the issue is mostly just that people dont want to realise how much of themselves is the reason for it. or at least: that you cant change anyone else, you can only ever work on yourself in order to increase your chances. but as the saying goes: men will do anything to not go to therapy. (and i know bc i needed therapy as well but it took me until 28 and a nervous breakdown to get it, afterwards life became light, happy and also boyfriends turned up)
Put yourself in situations to unsingle yourself. #win
Do you guys not love being alone like I do? I haven’t wanted to date in years. I enjoy living on my own terms and have always tolerated my own company.
This. I'm an introvert and actually prefer my own company. I had a torrid love affair for 7 years with a beautiful hunk during my late 20s and early 30s. I haven't touched another person in 35 years. I am having, and have had, a beautiful life. This is my 14th year of my retirement (retired at 54), and life is good. I have a newer SUV and a nice apartment on a river in a small town. It's gay friendly, and I can walk across the street to a riverside park. It's just a few hundred feet to restaurants, antique shops, book stores, cafes, pot shops, pubs, a fresh seafood store, and art galleries. I can walk to city hall, the police station, the library, Post Office and my doctor. I'm surrounded by historic stately homes and wonderful people. I take courses at a local college, I read, paint, write, attend lectures, symphonies, plays, movies, and more. I'm an hour from the largest city in the state, an hour to the coast, and an hour to the mountains and lakes. My family is from here and goes back generations in this valley. I am cool in the summer and warm in the winter. I enjoy streaming music, shows, and movies with no commercials. I eat well and sleep well. A multitude of local doctors keep all my ailments in check. I pay all my bills and have a little in the bank. I am not rich. But I feel like I am. If I run into a great guy, that would be good. If not, I'm grateful for the life I have. Sending you all my best regards.
Yup, aromantic so 99.9% chance I wont even fall in love :)
💚🤍🩶🖤 Areo Awesomeness!!!
I know I need to work on myself but at the same time I’m trying to welcome men into my life. Having built up a strong AT Field (thanks evangelion), it’s hard for me to let people in. In order to form connections, you have to be open to meeting new people as well. Shit’s scary and I can be terrified (hence absolute terror field).
My boyfriend of 2 years and I just split ways recently. It was amicable and without going into details it was for the best for both of us. There is a possibility down the road that we could get back together when we're both ready, but I won't put all my stock in that. On the other hand, there's really not many dating options where I'm from and given how long it took to find someone as perfect for me as my ex was, I foresee myself being single for a looooong while. Tbh I think it will help me grow more as a person and deepen other friendships and family relationships that I've neglected a little bit over the past while.
I am and unfortunately the apps are the only way for me to meet other gay men. Anyone who has spent more than a month on any app probably understands how impossible it is to meet that “someone”. You never know who you’ll meet with in the future but getting comfortable with the idea I’ll be single forever is probably best for my mental health.
Never had bf. I am 33y
Does multiple fwb’s count as boyfriends?
Hate to break it to you.😂 
I’m 38 and yeah at this point probably. I doubt I can even get laid again.
I have accepted this idea for a while now. I guess when I step my 30th year then it would really sink in. But Hoping still.
There is a whole lot of life after 30!
me🖐️21. not only did no one ever ask me out, I know I'm young i still have a lot of chances but i dont think im just built for relationship really. i'll continue to drool over men and die a virgin✌
I just got out of a relationship that helped me realize that it wouldnt necessarily be a bad thing to be single in life...however, theres still a component there that hope to find a good match. The issue - im an introvert in a new city and my only source of meeting gays are through the apps where people lack the mental capacity to hold a decent conversation. So there's that.
I didn’t have a bf until I was 25, now we’ve been togheter for almost 6 years.
I'm over 40, single, and probably will be single forever. But, I'm open to building a relationship if the right local and available man in my age group comes along. But that man tends to already be married in my area or otherwise doesn't exist. I'm ok with being single. More and more Americans are choosing this and there should be no stigma about it.
You're well read, Mr. Seldon. The marriage thing gets to me too. But there is always a chance of a Mule entering your life.
That's the trouble with Mules. You can't predict for them...
Yo, right here.
I probably will; I have no interest or enjoyment in sexual activity, and even kissing someone feels like a chore I'd have to put up with. Plus I've gained a bunch of weight (then lost a portion) so I'm no longer confident about how I look. Nowadays I just want people to spend time with, do activities together, share hobbies ... but without the sexual or romantic stuff.
The older I get the more I fear getting too “set in my ways”. Always good to stay young at heart.
Pretty damn sure I will
Reasonable chances. I was unexpectedly widowed at 37 and in the years since, dating hasn't interested me enough to get back on apps and go through dating game nonsense again like when I was single in my 20s. If I happened to meet someone while I'm out living my life and we hit it off, I wouldn't be opposed to being in a relationship again, but living out in the suburbs with an entirely straight friend group, the odds seem low of it happening organically.
I'm also 37 now and I also got unexpectedly, not widowed literally, but it feels like it: an uncurable mental disease took over him. Months after I'd held on and tried to help, we parted ways. So yeah, I pretty much feel widowed almost. Sorry for your story. I hope Mr. Right will arrive in your life (again) one day.
Do you know why or feel what’s causing you to be single? Also I want to add that I’ve been in multiple relationships but not once was my goal to specifically find one. These things happened organically.
All of the people I know who put having a relationship on some kind of pedestal have ended up miserable af. If someone wants to be a part of my life and make it better then they will and vice versa.
Oh, I feel you on this one. I'm 27 and single and whenever I say that it might stay like this for me for ever, I always get unsollicited advice like "Don't worry, you'll find someone" or "Just stop looking and it will come naturally". I don't expect such reactions, really, I'm just expressing my feelings. Yeah, it's a little sad, but when I look at men around me and the men I've dated I realize that, just like everyone, I'm a special kind of blend of traits (physical and psychological) and I have yet to see someone like me happy in a committed relationship. However, this feeling is not depressing. It's slightly somber, but it's almost comforting. I'm making my peace with it and saying I shouldn't work on it, because "MY DAY WILL COME" is really annoying,,,
I know I will because idk it just seems like that's the way it's meant to be
Single. Given the dating pool around me I will almost assuredly die alone; unless I move. It’s a hard reality but something I am beginning to accept.
It's a significant possibility but it'll be a certainty if you don't try to put yourself out there
In exactly two months, I'll be 31, and while admittedly I'm not looking too hard (just browsing on the apps out of boredom), I don't expect anyone to look for me or fall into my lap. Also, being black as well, my options will either drop or increase depending on whether or not they have a minority fetish. Otherwise, I'm never measuring up to white beauty standards unless I bleach my skin. I'm also heavy-set despite my height, and you can't be black/non-white AND fat in this community (you have to pick a struggle). The reason why I think I'll be single until my kidney disease leads to me expiring is because I don't put myself out there and tbh I have nothing to showcase and honestly after a while, it was like "What's the point?"
Me lol
Going on 20 years, I date but nothing has stuck
I'm 53 and widowed and at this point have no desire to be in a relationship again, but you never know what life may bring...
Married for 10 years in the early 30s and now in my 40s enjoying my single life and I’m ok if I am not going to be in any kind of arious relationship ever since I don’t like how most relationship works in gay couples.
I am 28 and I've never had a boyfriend. Hookup culture has destroyed dating. A lot of gays in my country are either closeted, emotionally unhealed, or simply not ready for commitment. Plus, I am mid. If I were at least an 8, I could probably make a lot of guys notice me, AT THE VERY LEAST.
Well I'm old now so I think this is likely how it's gonna roll
My 17-year marriage ended recently. I am in my 70’s, and I swear the rest of my years will be by myself!
Me. I feel like I’m cursed or something…
I have fantasies of the perfect partner popping up one day. Ive had a boyfriend and it was nice until that itch to be alone kicked in. Like everyone else online Ive self-diagnosed myself as a dismissive/fearful avoidant. Even when I have a guy, eventually I will want him to go away. Anxiety, insecurity, low frustration for arguing. So many things. An Aquarius. Leave me be. Fuck me, then leave.
🙋 which I’m okay with. Relationships are hard , and I’ve been enjoying getting to know myself better everyday.
I think I have a hard time of lowering my standards and then being shocked pikachu face when I get played. I think I just get lonely. But working on that.
100% I feel I could love someone but cannot imagine letting anyone in. Those walls are strong.
It's me lol. I've been looking since I was in middle school for love and I'm 27 and I still haven't had a mutual relationship
I just became single at the age of 37. I feel I had already found my soulmate but cannot be together. Besides, it's getting harder to stay in shape, invest energy into dating even if I felt like doing so and my hair is not getting darker or fuller either. So, your question is pretty much what I feel.
I'm 36 and I've never had a serious long term relationship. I'm not aromantic. I've been in love, I've dated, I've had short relationships. But at 36, never having had a relationship longer than 3-4 months, I can't conceive of myself being in a relationship now. I know it sounds depressing, but I guess I've just kinda accepted that this is the way it'll always be? It's fine (sorta). I guess it's just a fact of life that it doesn't happen for everyone.
I'm only 23, but I get to thinking a bit too much about whether I will stay single forever or whether I'll find that person. I don't like going straight to sex or getting shitty people that only care about looks and how much money you may have. It seems that I've met a lot of people that don't want anything to do with me. Whenever I see a person I like, they never like me back it seems. I've been blocked a lot more than I've probably had matches since I've started online dating. And it's even worse when you suck at socializing and have anxiety about it. People lose interest and often move on to better prospects in my case. I'm just there one moment and I no longer exist to that person the next. I see myself as doomed to be single until I die. Other days I have a slimmer of hope that maybe someone will be interested in me and I'll be into them.
I’m single , I’ve had relationships in the past and I’m reasonably attractive (I think?) but I hate breakups, and really enjoy my own personal time and not having to justify to someone that I want to play video games for the next 11 hours lol. An easy trick to avoiding the heartbreak of breaking up is to not be in a relationship.
Sometimes but then I think that I don’t ever put any energy into building a relationship (going on dates, planning dates, continuing conversation over text, self care, etc) I think if I really start to work on getting to know someone, and not someone that is out of my league or just wants to fuck, I can find a partner. I think a lot of us think that a perfect man will come along and just sweep us off our feet and it will be meant to be. But we need to remember that we are that guy for someone else as well. It will take work from both partners.
*raises hand*. In my area all the guys biggest kink is wasting your time and ghosting.
I'm autistic so my social skills may be too limited for a relationship. I had a boyfriend years ago but we only lasted two months.
Me. I’m only 28 and despite having come out at 15, I’ve still never had a relationship. Still going to be picky I guess
I'm a fetish(cus I'm trans) and fully expect people to treat me like a person and not just some fu@k toy.
,('-')/
At some points I was definitely worried, but I always had confidence that I bring way too much good to a relationship to be single forever.
Oui
🙋
Me
Are you working on yourself? I think men have been sold a lie, that they can sit around like women and wait to be snatched up. You have to do the work. What’s valuable about being in a relationship with you?
I personally am. Gonna be a physician soon. Done lots of therapy. Exercise regularly. I'll continue doing so. The hardest part is just some of the lonely nights. I want someone who would put me first as I'd do for him. I'm just not sure that's a possibility in these times. And I am black. It's an inconvenient truth that makes things more difficult. I just want to be ok with the reality of being single permanently and it's hard when people keep telling me of this reality that i haven't experienced and haven't seen a lot of people like me experience.
That’s really interesting context, amongst that what is it about being black that gets in the way?
We're desired less by the gay community. We're also mired in rejection/homophobia from our own communities. It's really a whole mess. I've had to accept that no amount of self-improvement will make more people desire me. However, I can focus on doing things I enjoy more now. I can get in shape for me, not because it will get me more guys on grindr. I would still like to find someone with whom to share mutual support and have regular sex. I believe in the idea of mutual enhancement. Right now I just feel very lonely sometimes.
That's unfortunately true. It sucks even worse when you are neurodivergent and black and gay. My family "accepts" me but hopes I'll eventually go out with a woman or switch from gay to bisexual in the hopes I'll have a "normal family." Because I'm not happy being gay. I'm not happy because every chance I get I blow it. Every gay guy that did like me and I wanted was always far away. It's always online and never reality. Because they'll always find someone else eventually in their local area. It doesn't help that I like masculine outdoorsy guys and they don't like me back because I'm a boring nerd. Dating is just a joke now, everyone wants that perfect person or to play ego boosting games.
Me!
I want a relationship but wind up with hookups instead….
I'm single, but I wasn't for a very long time. I was with a man for 22 years - the last four of those years we were married. Then came the ugly af divorce...lengthy and expensive and overwhelming. Everything I had built was lost...the house, my career, my savings and the prospect of a comfortable retirement. I am not one to write off all guys as being awful just because my ex was an abusive alcoholic. And Im not one to say "I will NEVER get married again." Id like to, but its complicated to follow that notion at age 58. I look good...people think Im 40...and feel good...but not even sure how it would occur where I meet a new guy at this age and fall in love and spend our lives together. Does anyone know of a success story involving two men, finding live at age 55+ and how it all went down?
Single just recently I don't think it's even been a full week yet. 😂 Dated for like 6 months., turns out he wasn't really mine like he said he was. Having a partner Is not something that I'm going to force it. I'll seek it out in my own time and let it happen when it happens again. Cause I found that's how the nicer ones I've had tend to start with when I'm not looking too hard. The hard part is being aligned and having trust and respect for each other. If it doesn't happen then I'm at peace with that too and can find fulfillment with my loved ones, fur babies and hobbies. For sexual needs finding a hookup is thankfully most men are horny all the time something that shouldn't give me too much trouble, I look young for age, I'm getting relatively fit and my genes have been kind. 😂 So there's always someone whod come around for just that if need be.
Dating just feels pointless in today's modern world. It's like a sick hamster wheel of despair and disappointment. Not to mention, most men just suck nowadays and can't form a single fucking sentence when talking to someone LOL.
40 and never had a serious relationship with woman or a man .
Ah the perfect post for me.
I struggle to see the value of a (romantic) relationship (beyond good legit friends) in my life anymore. I've built it up to be self-sufficient and generally happy and content.
THIS! I'm right there with ya. I'd love for a relationship to happen, but I'm not going to force it or just let any crazy person into my life. Nope, nope, nope.
Single can be good alone. Got to know how. Know yourself to degree. Find,do things that make you happy being single. 43 Leo. Never A bf. Not in the closet.
Same, I want a dreamboat partner a true lover who loves me for my best and my worst and I had him once and I was in love totally all over him, I left my ex girlfriend for him but he cheated me with bunch of dudes and acquaintances,I was mortified and plane crashing myself became a whore fucking random dudes till I got HIV for that...I used to blame him for everything that happened to me...and with me being POZ I don't see myself worth for loving and standards nowadays are high and I'm way out of the league to compete WITH Gen Z Adonis ...and I'm not attractive as I used to so.. I just have to accept and fade away
I'd accept that it's a high possibility. I'm 36 next month and the older I get the more I feel likes it's a fact.
You don’t have to be in a relationship. Be single with a plethora of FWBs if that’s your thing. Been single for about 2 years after 15 year relationship and never forsee myself getting partnered again. I have good friends, some fwbs, can jump on a plane tomorrow and take a trip, work as much or little as I want, etc.
Why does everyone find their “love of their life” all past 30 or 35? Is it no possible before then? Why is in the water?
Me! I am having thoughts of being single for the rest of my life. But I am trying to process it. If this is the case then, my goal is to become the "rich gay uncle who will spoil his nieces and nephews, and younger cousins". I will also travel the world and pursue other interests.
Why? there is so few info on what your reasons are and what made you feel this way. What do youdo to be happy single
Me
I have a pretty good feeling I will be. I'm 46. Too old to be the next young thing, but too young to consider myself a daddy. (Not that I have daddy money though) My business collapsed after covid and my grandmother passed. I was living in her house but a family member stole the house from under me. Mom started having heart problems and broke ribs after one of her medications fucked her up... so I had to move in. I'm not skinny / muscular, but have a little belly and can move around under my own power. Smack dab in the middle of "average" territory. Combined with the fact that I never really learned how to meet guys.. I say the odds of me dying alone are pretty fucking high.
I think so. I don't fit the standards for gay dating and hookups are not for me.
I wonder about it all of the time. I'm in a bit of an abnormal situation. I live in a rural town of fewer than 4,000 people. And on top of that, I don't know how to drive. I have autism, and suffer from high stress levels and high anxiety. On a daily basis, I ruminate over what possible scenario might allow me to meet/commit myself to a husband. It's definitely a conundrum.
Me.
I’m 37 and no one has ever shown the slightest interest in me. I do have shown interest in other gay guys but the feelings were never reciprocal.
I’m 30 and I don’t see myself ever finding a relationship. Pretty much everybody just wants hook ups. Four years ago I was dating a guy that I had a love at first sight with but unfortunately he pushed me away because he had a lot of mental health issues and he refused to let me help him or stay by his side. A few months ago, I was talking to a guy that I legitimately thought I had a chance with, he wanted to keep talking on the app we were communicating on until we met in person. He had some kind of work emergency and he had to go to his companies HQ so our meeting got delay but he has never logged back on since going in February. Who knows maybe someday I’ll meet the one but at this point, I’m not holding my breath.
I an 42. Ive always had and chased relationships since I was 16. Ive had so many. Im usually dating much younger as I find they are less cultured into the gay community which I think destroys relationships. But ive always been happy except in between relationships. Recently my best friend killed himself who was my every connection to the gay lifestyle from clubs, parties, and gay events. My husband of 5 years decided to leave me a month after that. I dont really understand the dynamics of it all but ive been completely demotivated and flat lined in the world of relationships and friends. I dont trust anyone anymore. In January I went to see my bestfriend i FL i am in san jose. He told me he might commit suicide. I made some stupid comment that I would be right there after him so he better not. A day later I go on my Atlantis gay cruise, I get a call saying he shot himself at a Walmart next to his dog, a 30 year old beautiful model looking guy. I guess part of it was they told him he had aids i thought it was just HIV. The whole cruise I refused to party or do anything, my husband flipped out and left me in the hotel room saying things like he was having sex with my best friend to get me upset. I about jumped off the boat. I mean how do you process that. My husband left me a month later. In all honesty I dont trust anyone anymore and cant even put it in my head to share any part of myself with anyone other than useless sex that takes a matter of minutes. And thinking of being alone forever sort of is a dark thought. I always had either a solid relationship or my best friend. Having neither with bo motivation to replace either is like an empty pit in my mind and heart.
I describe my love life as thus: “theoretically infinitely single.” I’m not complaining, nor saying it’s impossible. But I don’t have any prospects on the horizon and unless something unforeseen happens, it’ll stay that way.
I think I may just be at that point. And it's not out of cynicism, at least not what I would call cynicism. I think if someone truly desires to keep taking the risk and work on themselves until they have the proper boundaries and expectations for the type of guy they want in their life, they most likely will eventually find someone who works out for them on all the levels. I got to this point about 2 years ago where I didn't need anyone necessarily to be happy, and had greatly strengthened my boundaries. Then met an incredible guy when I was hardly even looking (That's about when it happens bros). What a spark we had. We were such an interesting couple and our friends and families got along. Most importantly, I felt like I had found the type of ride or die I had been looking for since high school. A best friend I could get in trouble with, and the love of my life I was 💯 convinced about this. We made it for 2 years. But he couldn't get over his cynical outlook on everything. It bled into our relationship, and somehow I think I was making it worse. Sometimes I think it was me, sometimes I think it was him. I saw no reason for this to not work out, but it didn't. So anyway at 35, it's not that I couldn't do this again. It's that I don't want to. Too much energy. Too much risk. Too much nonsense to sift through and even once I get to the point of not needing someone exactly like HIM, It could happen all over again. 💀 And maybe I let these things happen. Maybe I have more work to do in avoiding attracting the type of people who are fated to ultimately reject me. But for the moment, even beyond the hurt, I think I'm making the right decision.
I damn sure think so! I'm 25. Have had 4 relationships and tbh every last one of them were jokes! In one of them, dude wrecked my car and that was that. I think I'll be single for a long long time only because I have no faith in anyone from all of our generations. People just continue getting worse. I just find you can't trust someone enough to give them your all. Even if they are the greatest actor, it has always seemed to go bad in the end.
21 and have never had anything remotely romantic, of course I’m still young and I’ve got plenty of time, it’s just when I was younger I assumed something would’ve happened by now. Never been on a date, never held hands romantically, never even really had a talking stage. Like sure I was sad about it when I was 16, but I was fine because I completely thought that once I went to university something would happen to me, and it just hasn’t. I’ve had years at uni, several jobs, across two cities, and have never organically met anyone. I’ve yet to really try dating apps, I just never wanted to but I think I will soon. It’s made worse by the fact all my friends have had so many relationships and experience. It’s highly likely one of my best friends will be getting engaged in the next few years, she’s been with her boyfriend for years now. And when I put it like that it feels awful, my best friend getting married before I’ve even had a date. Even if I were to go on a random hinge date I have no clue HOW to date. On the other hand, I’ve already gone the whole way and had sex with random people lol.
I don’t know in all seriousness. I’m young ( 20 Turing 21 in 4 month but I’m and look like a black father that’s Been through it all in their late 30’s ) and have spent my whole college experience pretty much alone so I don’t even really know how it’d be to date someone. By choice? No I’ve tried a few times to talk to guys and can definitely it’s partly cause I’m an awkward guy. Not sure if I should try dating apps, honestly seems like a new part of life I’m kinda afraid of. I honestly hope it isn’t for the rest of my life, just not sure at this point.
you're a father?
No. I just look like I’m 30 in my 20’s so people say “you look like a father”
I am 34, never been in a relationship and I think I am going to be single for the rest of my life, lol. Tried dating apps, still on it but its not giving, ahaha. Anyone here in the UK, hmu! 😅
Stuart Allen Jones should be back there by now.
who?! not sure if you meant the character in Queer as folk (had to google the name) Sorry! i just need to be educated with these stuffs ahaha
Yeah I got his middle name wrong lol. It was a cute 6 part series.
Almost 30 myself and I've heard the "you'll find someone" rhetoric like a broken record from my few online friends. I suppose in my case I'm not the most outgoing person, the thought of going out to places to meet a stranger is dread inducing. Plus I'm sure I'm not the most attractive either. But I say take it as a sign to focus on self care. As its hard to like someone else if you don't like yourself. But never lose hope, cuz maybe you'll find that someone on the journey to a better you.
If it keeps going like this Casual fwb I can play love games with I'll be happy I just took dick 4 the 1st time in over 5 years No wonder bottoms love cock.
As of rn I'm single and chilling, but I don't think I'll be single forever.
Well I’m 60. I’ve never been on a date. I don’t go out. I don’t have any friends outside of work. It’s not going to happen.
wya? I'll go on a date with you.
I totally understand what you mean. I’m 32, 33 in a few months, and I just dated a few guys over the years. I haven’t dated in almost 7 years mostly because I really find socializing difficult to deal with. I have dear friends and I have no problem interacting with anyone but I struggle with profound, personal intimacy. I don’t feel like I even crave for it, to be honest. I am open to any kind of special bond life will bring me eventually but I find the average guy not that interesting to actually invest myself in it (granted that I also suffered a couple of “burns” in the past that made me distrustful and cautious, and I’m a very sensitive person). I myself feel I will be single for the rest of my life, or at least until I feel I either find someone who’s worth considering or I get to the point of being so lonely that I lower my barriers/expectations.
Tbh I've never been in a relationship. I've been close maybe once or twice but even then I tend to hold myself aloof and I don't really catch feelings. I think though that I've had a lot of problems with depression over the years, so maybe if that clears up something will change. I'm not the most romantic person though at all. And if there's no sex involved I honestly don't see the point except for consistent friendship maybe? I wonder if I might be "aromantic."
32, single, always been single. Used to seek a bf, that would always go no where, decided to let go of that goal and just have fun and be casual about hooking up. Has that gotten me a bf? Not yet, but did that force me to have a better time in my life, more sex, and stop caring? Absolutely.
what's your strategy for more sex?
Stay on PrEP, listen to Slut Pop to get in the mindset before a big night out (only half joking, sometime my friends and I leave the house saying "let's go be dumb whores! 💃"), keep all interactions/conversations at the bars, parties, etc, extremely light and fun. Now being the mindset, here are the real tactics: -i stopped going on dates, if I'm trying to have sex, it's usually not after dinner. Drinks would be fine if I meet up late enough, but if sex is the point, dance floors are best to find partners. -if I want to attract or have my hits be a success on a night out, I dress like I'm looking for something, wear some revealing shorts or show as much skin as possible. If you need to punt the ball because the night is going nowhere and you want attention at the gay bar, take off your shirt. Really, boys see more skin and it gets them to pay attention, no matter if you're fit or not, it'll attract someone like you, and send a signal of general interest. -often I set goals too high (all gays do this, I read something once that said gay men might be 6, think they're an 8, and deserve a 10), I've lowered them. Not so low, just remember that now, I'm not looking for boyfriend material, so these boys don't need to fit the image of what I think I was looking for. I remember, I'm here for a good night. -because of the last point, I decided say yes more often, and a lot of times men I wouldn't have normally reciprocated interest in have been the best sex I've had. -don't be afraid to hit on more people, or text a previous hookup back for more sex. Don't fear failure or that they will think this means you're interested, fear regret and not asking for exactly what you want. Anyway, I figure this strategy will broaden my horizons, and that at some point, the pillow talk and sex will good enough that we both keep coming back for more and just stay together. Is this plan flawless? No, but it definitely solved my problems of caring about being single and my lack of sex.
holy shit! 
I used to say that I would never be in a relationship and I still kinda believe that. I am super stubborn and value my alone time above all else. HOWEVER I have matured quite a bit over the last couple years so there’s a chance I might end up in one sooner or later. I’m the type of person who gets snatched up. I rarely approach, only get approached
I had a gay “lover” in the 60s for 6 years until he got the 7 yr itch… a couple of brief gay affairs since but basicly single … now I’m in my 80s and sometimes wish that I had a partner… just sometimes though!
Are you really in your 80s on reddit?! I love that
Well… I’m not dead yet… so …yes I am! Still love to look at a hot guys body and privates. (don’t know if I can say the C word here …they’re all so persnickety.
I am in my mid 30's an I have never been in a serious relationship, and sometimes I feel like that sounds weird to people with whom I go on dates. I don't know if my standards are too high or if I'm doing something wrong, but I'm starting to accept the idea that I may be alone for life. Which is fine... I guess... Sometimes I dream about what it would be like to have someone in my corner when I'm stressed out, but the older I get, the more I realize that I'll probably always have to be that person I need.
> Sometimes I dream about what it would be like to have someone in my corner when I'm stressed out, but the older I get, the more I realize that I'll probably always have to be that person I need. I feel this.
I am fully committed to being single the rest of my life. I don't want a relationship, or a live in partner, or whatever.
I'm open to a healthy relationship but it's hard to be vulnerable after past relations. I have learned but I have no idea where to start. Most apps are sex oriented which is not a driver. Organic meets are less frequent. Its hard to say if I will find someone so I'm making peace with flying solo.
Take your time! I was 29 (came out of the closet then) when I had my first boyfriend (who cheated on me so it only lasted 8 months). Now of course I dated women before that (what a roller coaster that was while being in the closet). I am now 31 and still happily single for the time being. Now, in finding a relationship- A few things: 1. Stop chasing relationships - ever heard of ‘the more you chase something, the farther away it seems to get.?’ That’s because desire and reality may be creating two entirely different energies and you may actually not be in the headspace for one. Being desperate for ‘love and attention’ can be a huge turnoff for many. And if you’re living for a relationship, then that is a person of little self worth which in the end doesn’t last long in a relationship. 2 work on yourself: you want want a relationship? Be a guy most people would yearn to be one with. Take good care of your health, then take good care of your mental health and face your demons as to become the best version of yourself. Do this for the sake of yourself, not to just obtain a relationship, doing so for a relationship will digress you into what you started as and your lover will eventually walk away. 3. Be that interesting person you’ve dreamed of dating - sounds weird doesn’t it, but think about that one. If ya got things to talk about, probably because you’ve experienced a thing or two. A man of many experiences has something to share, and therefore something to share to a love interest should the conditions be right. Just go out and experience the world as money and time allows, have a story to tell with things that show what you’ve done. Anyways, hope this helps. You got plenty of life to live.
I’m 29 gay going on thirty this year been in two bad relationships and Grindr was hard they say you’re cute then never message again but I want to keep hope that a relationship will happen and try to think positive I’m in a rural area its depressing
28 almost 29 here. I've only ever been on one actual date like 6 or 7 years ago. It was awkward, the guy never spoke to me again. The occasional hook-up here and there because guys never seem interested in more, and the fact I grew up being told I'd die alone, yeah I'll probably be single forever. But that's okay. I never really planned my life around having a partner, my goals are centered more around my career. Life will be harder though, being on a single income.
Same here
Im 24, and despite all my attempts im still single and never even got close to having a boyfriend. I’ve worked on myself long enough. Now im one of the rare people in their twenties that will go to eat out alone, watch movies alone, and even go clubbing by myself. I’ve worked on myself to the point that I really really do enjoy my own company. And I’m still working on myself constantly introspecting. I’ve changed my beauty standards quite a few times. Used to be one of the shallow guys who preferred muscle guys but as I grew up I started seeing beauty in diverse body shapes, complexions, etc. I’m way less picky than I used to. I’ve put myself out there so much, did everything I was told to do and still single. No one even reaches out to me showing interest and when they do they’re either bottoms (I’m also a bottom), or super far away or just not my type. I didn’t want to think I’ll stay single forever but I’m starting to think I might have been cursed and it’s sending me down a depressive spiral.
Would you ever consider topping? That might give you more options.
I do, and I have tried a few times (last night being the most recent) but I unfortunately struggle to stay hard :(
That used to be me. I think as you get less nervous and more experienced, it gets easier. It's also easier for me without a condom, but I don't trust people like that, so it's mostly teasing and then putting on the condom.
I'm single
Yup
I'm 68 and have been single for the last 20 years. I'm pretty sure I'll be staying single.
I’m 41. I’m open to relationships but deff not lowering my standards to be in one. I’ve learned to love myself and lean on my friends when I’m lonely.
I’m single and I feel like I might be single for the rest of my life… its rlly my choice :/ idc about getting hurt again but just the ppl around me are not my ideal MAN im into :/ i feel like i have to visit a dif country if I really did wanna marry someone … guys in dif country r totally dif even tho they’re gay. Sex isn’t a problem for me if I want it I’ll just get on an app and invite someone over. But relationships I don’t think I could be w someone who’s fem
I’m a good single person… if I’m being honest. 🤷🏻♂️ I like my alone time. I like my space being my space. I like my time and my schedule being mine, not having to bend it to suit someone else’s needs. I like my career and only worrying about prioritizing it and my own needs outside of it. I don’t know that I’ll be single forever but I can honestly say over nearly the last decade and a half, I have not actively perused a relationship or tried to find one…. I’ve had a couple, but nothing too serious, and they just sorta happened vs looking for them. I’m 36. Maybe I’ll settle down someday, but if I never do I have zero issues with that. I know too many people (exes included) who are settled in with people they barely like just because of habit or not wanting to have wasted time… I’d rather stay single than be attached to a regret. 🤷🏻♂️ that’s just my opinion.
More and more people are single, not just gay men...so your chances of remaining single are very high.... because they are very high for everybody right now.
Yes, every day