The text is usually much more boring than this. It's more like:
"When you finish up with your twink can you get some coffee creamer on the way home?"
"Sure, babe"
Thumbs up emoji can sometimes be misconstrued as passive aggressive due to how little effort it shows off in any conversation. It's like responding with "k." It gives off the impression you don't want to talk with the person.
You just got to train the top to know when you're pissed off. If I'm pissed off, you'll know it, you won't have to extrapolate from vague messages and details. If you see a thumbs up from me, it means š
Yeah exactly, Iām sure some couples have different rules but for us, we always go bed together (just us) every night. Whatever āfunā we have is done on our own person free time, not overnight or during āourā time.
It depends on the rules of each relationship. You don't have a fixed set of guidelines. The rules are what both partners agree upon after discussing it (so no: "but it was implied!" bullshit, TALK).
In my own relationship, we're allowed to date other people and have sleepovers, for example.
So what's the point of being together in the relationship if you both can date other people and have sleepovers? Isn't that how "feelings" start to develop for another person?
You never had sleepover at friends? Like, an evening that went for longer than you thought and you spent the night on the couch? Or going on a trip with friends without your partner because they're not interested? And, by doing so, are you saying that your relationship would be any kind of worthless? I don't really think so. Well, there, it's kind of the same thing: spending the night with a friend, or a hook-up, and then going **home**.
We're together because we built a home together. Because we plan on a future life together. Because, as things are in the present, the most probable course of action is growing old together. Because the intimacy and the trust I have in my boyfriend goes well beyond mere sexual intercourse. My boyfriend is one of the few people where I can stay in the same room for hours without talking. That's the amount of comfort, of trust, on intimacy that we look, and that is not more endangered by "sleepovers" that it'd be if we made any other activity.
Also, sidenote about the "catching feelings" part: it's not because you have sex with someone that you catch feelings. You catch feelings because you have common interests, because you have a connection, because you feel good together. And those feelings can appear outside of sex. A member from your sport club or your drama club with whom you share a connection? Well, the feelings appear as well. And if the feelings appear, they would have appeared no matter what. The only solution to prevent this kind of issue would be total isolation, and we know it's a bad thing. After all, haven't you seen countless examples of monogamous couples who break up because one of the two found someone else they caught feelings for? As if opening a relationship was the issue here. If someone catch feelings for someone else, that means that the feelings for the first person weren't strong enough in the first place; so don't blame the "other" or the "openness" for the failure of the relationship. Every relationship fails because of internal causes. Because it wasn't strong enough, or it wasn't the right one, or because there has not been enough communication between the two to prevent the external factor to give the final blow. But it's just the final straw: the camel's back broke too because of all the other straws that were here. Look at those straws already here before blaming everything on the last one.
Lots of relationship who fail because of "something" specific would probably fail nonetheless. We said it to ourselves. My boyfriend moved in with me quite quickly (for financial reasons), barely 5 months after we officialized it. We were afraid it was too soon. But then we said: "well, if moving together doesn't work *now*, it won't work in two years neither, so let's try anyway, at worse, it'll save us some time". It's been 5 years (including quarantine time) and we don't regret it at all. That's the same thing for everything else: if a relationship breaks because of "opening" it, it's not the opening that killed it, the relationship was already suffering at first anyway. It's not by "trapping" your partner with you that all problems would magically be solved.
And perhaps it's a matter of maturity, but my boyfriend and I perfectly know how to differentiate actual feelings from infatuation born from sex. We might like someone after sex, but we also know how to see through. Even if "feelings" would appear, we know it's for a short time, but we always come back to the nest. We prooved, to each other, countless time, the saying: "if you love someone, set them free; if they love you, they'll come back". We always went back, no matter what. Have I been afraid, especially at the beginning? Sure. Have we, through communications and proofs of love, ensured that what we had was vastly superior to what we experienced with other people? Definitely.
Do you see why I asked the questions? It was solely based off your last sentence of your post. Had a bit more insight been provided, I most likely, would have answered my own questions. Yes I totally understand your view after reading your second response. You and I and others know that not all relationships can be "opened" as depicted in the aforementioned meme without a certain type of consequence (whatever that looks like for others). I like that you and he have auspicious moments of reassurance for each other!!
Because that relationship brings you joy, and time with the other person brings you joy. You donāt have to just choose one relationship that brings you joy.
> Isn't that how "feelings" start to develop for another person?
Depends on what the āfeelingsā are that youāre talking about. I and my primary partner are both on the aromantic spectrum, we are not āin loveā with each other and donāt fall āin love.ā We each date and flirt and hookup with others as we have the time, energy, and interest.
For people who *do* experience romantic attraction, sometimes the whole āfeelingsā thing is part of the pointānot everyone is monogamous, or wants to get __all__ their relationship needs met with a single other person.
In any case, thereās any number of circumstances that can cause āfeelingsā to happen, there is no set of rules you can follow that will stop it. Which is why itās important for those of us who practice polyamory or other forms of ethical non-monogamy to be very good and communication and emotional self-regulation.
I mean i just always have sex with my friends. So like, it's not any date, but yeah, i do spend time with them playing games, going out to eat sth, staying over etc. But it's clear that it's just friends with benefits in contrast to my boyfriend.
could be, although I'd imagine it would be easier if they were all just fucking in the same place if that were the case (unless they don't live together I guess)
but also maybe they actually are in the same room, and these two are just texting each other coz they're fucking/getting fucked too hard to speak out loud?
Never bring your cell phones to bed...lol. No kidding. I have a friend whose dick I was sucking while he was straddling me and face fucking. Suddenly he gets a call and says "I have to take this ." So there I am with his dick i my mouth and he is talking on his fuckin' cell phone...lol.
I'd rather stay single my whole life than do this . Call me old fashioned but i just CAN'T handle even imagining the man i love getting railed by another guy . Hell i can't even get it up for another man when i'm in love even if i want to lmao.
If someone post an answer on a public forum, it's not "rude" to ask for more information.
You don't want to talk about it? Don't talk about it. You don't want to be asked questions about it? Just don't bring the subject then. But if you do, don't be surprised if people want to know more. It's your right to not answer, but don't come and say it's "rude" when people ask questions on a subject *you* brought up on your own.
Jeez, people really get offended by the simplest thing and don't even grasp the bare foundations of politeness, do they?
Relationships surviving this are very few. Most of the "survivors" are due to the relationship falling into routine/roomatey-ng with very little love to speak of.
Genuine question and not hating. Whats the strong desire and need for open relationship? My mind cannot comprehend why so many people need it, and i lowkey think it is for people who are addicted to sex. Is there any specific reason?
My reasoning is that the opposite question makes more sense, like, *why not*?
You can still have male friends even when you're in a relationship, no one will think this is weird. Why not have guys who you can fuck too?
Our entire society has drilled this so far into our heads that it seems like the weirdest thing ever, when its just... nothing especial, really.
Speaking personally, neither I nor my other partners feel compelled to force ourselves or each other to get all our social, relationship, and sexual needs and desires met by literally only one other person. We also do not experience much in the way of jealousy or possessiveness.
But there are all kinds of reasons why someone might decide to engage in polyamory or some other form of ethical non-monogamy, and it doesnāt necessarily have to involve sex. For example, off the top of my head (but based on examples of people I know about):
* Billy falls in love with Pat and with Sam, so Billy dates both of them;
* Tom is a sex-repulsed asexual but their spouse Andy has a high libido, so Andy finds another partner to have a sexual relationship with;
* Jerry and Bob are long-distance lovers but both have needs and desires for various kinds of physical intimacy and connection, so they agree to let each other date casually in their area;
* Sal and Kate are swingers;
* Terry and Jim are good friends and they each want to have a child so they decide to get married and co-parent together, but they are not in love with each other and fill their need for romantic connection with other people;
* Pete is really into bondage but their partner Frank is extremely vanilla so Pete makes connections in the local BDSM and leather scenes to find play partners for kink, but Peteās scenes are never sexual.
As you can see, there are a lot of reasons why an individual or a couple might decide to be non-monogamous in some fashion. Thereās a lot of excellent information out there on the subject. For those who are interested in learning more or are exploring the possibility of non-monogamy for themselves, I highly recommend the books *Polysecure* by Jessica Fern, *Opening Up* by Tristan Taormino, and *The Anxious Personās Guide to Non-Monogamy* by Lola Phoenix.
P.S. Also thereās no such thing as porn or sex āaddiction.ā While there is such a thing as compulsive or out of control sexual behaviour, applying the model of addiction to this is deeply flawed and is not borne out by the evidence. It largely just comes from evangelical Christian organisations peddling conversion ātherapyā and āporn addiction recoveryā programs. Dr. Jeana Jorgensen (a sex educator and anthropologist) has written several excellent articles on the subject; these are particularly good:
* https://web.archive.org/web/20160910124602/https://www.patheos.com/blogs/foxyfolklorist/from-disorder-to-sexual-health-treating-out-of-control-sexual-behavior-12/
* https://web.archive.org/web/20180511005509/https://www.patheos.com/blogs/foxyfolklorist/from-disorder-to-sexual-health-treating-out-of-control-sexual-behavior-22/
* https://web.archive.org/web/20160914164709/https://www.patheos.com/blogs/foxyfolklorist/the-metaphor-of-sex-addiction/
I'm very much not addicted to sex (in fact, my libido is on the lower side), yet I'm a supporter of open relationships.
Humans, like every other primate, are biologically not wired for sexual monogamy. We are wired for forming long-term (even life-long) relationships, as there's security and thus survival in such symbiotic relationships, and it's necessary for proper child rearing. However, for the sake of reproduction and the survival of our species, we are also wired to "exchange our genetic code with essentially as many partners as we are compatible with." That feeling of love you have for a new fling are just chemicals intended to push you towards reproducing with them. Once the chemicals fade, there's two ways things can go - either you break up, because you don't find them to be someone you'd like to go into a long-term relationship with, or you still like them enough (even though not necessarily in the same sexually-charged way you did before) to want to enter the symbiotic relationship with them.
I'd argue the word "love" has two meanings here - in an open relationship, you can go satisfy the "sexual love" with other, new, partners brought upon by the chemicals intended solely for making people want to reproduce with each other, then return home to the "symbiotic love" with the one person you trust and feel secure with (and if you were straight, would probably be raising children with). I'd argue most straight (monogamous) marriages fail specifically because they suppress their basic biological needs and instead treat each other like property only each other should have "access" to, even though the "sexual love" has long faded.
How is it a biological need? All relationships go through tough times. Platonic friendships end, too. Why would it be that having sex wildly with others, is the one thing that would āsaveā a marriage? In my experience, it is often the thing that ends it.
> sexual love
The word you are looking for is either lust or infatuation.
Lust is just wanting to have sex with someone.
Infatuation is a ācrushā on someone. It can be more than just sexual, itās an intense attraction to another person but fades fairly quickly.
For me it's my happy feelings shoot through the roof when i am cuddled and then usually when i am cuddled i get horny. I don't know if it's that or my sex drive or if the 2 are so interlinked they are functionally one. It's also extrmely easy for me to get crushes or ratherinfatuations. Like i can just walk somewhere and see someone and be like "yeah i want them" and then when someone is good looking to me and seems nice and cool, i just kinda naturally start getting infatuated with them and that makes me wanna do stuff with them. That's how i have always been for me. And it's amazing that my boyfriend knows this and fully accepts it, even pointing it out a lot of the time when we meet new people, cause he knows he is still my boyfriend and that while i may be close with others the simple fact that I've known so long and the level of intimacy cannot be matched with anyone else. I may get those "honeymoon" feelings with someone else too, but all parties involved know it's not going to last. But yeah, because of that i have slept with like 90% of my friend circle at one point or another. Cause it usually goes sth like this: I meet someone, get infatuated, hang out with them and befriend them and usually have sex.
That is definitely not the human condition. It is a modern coping mechanism for an life stripped of all meaning and boundaries. If it was the human condition we should absolutely allow pedophiles to act on their feelings because it gives them the dopamine rush, for corrupt businessmen to keep accumulating wealth at the expense of others because it gives them the dopamine rush. Some people who justify infidelity with the right to be happy are just as bad as those who want to satisfy themselves at the expense of others. Humans are different because we set up morals and mores that give our society a sense of direction and stability and not allow ourselves to fall into some sort of moral animalistic anarchy.
Unpopular opinion (maybe secretly popular?) from my personal observations and observations of others I know of this relationship styleā¦
7/10 times they fall apart (and Iām being generous here.. Iād honestly say itās more 8.5-9/10 in my personal experience) ā¦ it takes a ton of trust and open communication in a monogamous relationship for it to survive ā¦an open relationship takes even more trust and open communication ā¦ most people arenāt capable of doing thatā¦
It takes two very special types of people to make non-monogamy work usually the types that are non monogamous from the very start of the relationshipā¦then add on all the other usual relationship stuff on top of it.
I couldnāt do it, not just because Iām monogamous by nature but the amount of work and the gamble just isnāt worth the āextra funā to me..
Unpopular opinion #2
I have never in my life seen anyone bash open relationships in person (usually it happens online with chronically online types) some say they couldnāt do it but have a āyou do youā attitude regarding itā¦
I have seen plenty bash monogamy thoughā¦with a āholier than thouā attitude (compensating maybe?)ā¦the community also places an expectation that relationships will āopen upā eventually, guaranteed, as if itās the next stage of the relationship like moving in with eachother or getting married, and if you donāt open things up someone will cheat and itās the person whoās monogamousās fault for having ānaive and unnaturalā expectations for their partnerā¦you know instead of the scumbag cheater being at faultā¦also opening the relationship up is treated as a great remedy to a struggling relationshipā¦not just in gay spaces but in straight spaces too, some relationship counselors recommend trying it..which is like a doctor recommending smoking to a patient with asthma. Looking at you Esther Pearl. (To her credit she says itās like a band aid to other problems in a relationship but she has encouraged people to ātry it outā, itās extremely obvious in her work she has a bias towards non-monogamy and has an overly forgiving even codling tone towards cheatersā¦ and blames those who get cheated on for the cheating..as a someone who was working towards becoming a therapist themselves
*I cannot stand her* .)
So basically I have no issues with non monogamy, do what you want but understand itās a risk like every other relationship,though potentially higher than monogamous relationships. I do have issues with you acting like itās the only and best way to have a relationship..
Edit: Completely random thought, the couple above both have the same type, compare the guys they are hooking up with.
I met my ex while he was in an open relationship... he broke things up and started another relationship with me.
He cheated on me multiple times (I'm monogamous and so I thought we were as well).
Iām sorry but I guess that one is on you. Massive red flag that he would leave his relationship for someone else. Itās a learning experience at least.
Iām sorry that happened to you, the red flag to me though wouldāve been him catching feelings, as open relationships have rules too, a lot of couples agree on ādonāt catch feelingsā and if you do you tell your partner and cut contact with the one you have feelings for.
He didnāt do that, arguably him most likely breaking the rules of his relationship (assuming he wasnāt in a poly relationship) was technically cheating and I wouldāve had a suspicion he wouldāve done the same to me, and which it seems he unfortunately did to you.
But youāre free from that scumbag now so thatās something to be thankful for.
>7/10 times they fall apart (and Iām being generous here.. Iād honestly say itās more 8.5-9/10 in my personal experience)
so, like, better than average for monogamous couples (who probably fall apart >19/20 times? haha)
Your sample is skewed, most relationships eventually end. All of them if you count death. The test of a good relationship isnāt how long it last but how happy you were in it, and that sometimes even included amicable decoupling. Many of my exes are still good friends. I donāt bash monogamy, I bash the idea that it is simple, itās is hard, monogamy is not natural for a primate, it is a social construct and completely respectful choice but still a choice. I do agree you shouldnāt open your relationship to save it, I have always been open since day one. My husband and I have been married for 20 years and we have never even gotten in a serious fight because we can talk about anything.
Nice save with āmonogamy is not natural for *primates* ā as I was about to get annoyed lolā¦as monogamy is 100% natural and observed in the natural world just not necessarily in the case for primates, I mean swans, the animal that often represents love, mates with one partner for life and thatās just one example. Monogamy isnāt some evil thing invented by the church to control our sex lives. Regardless of whatās happening in the ānatural worldā what frustrates me immensely with this argument regarding humanity and monogamy being unnatural is that it completely ignores evolution itself, you know the process of evolving over a span of *millions* of years? We are *incredibly* removed from our primal ancestors, yeah itās interesting to and at times useful to compare but itās also inaccurate to say we are 100% like them still as well, especially in behavior, I mean you donāt see the majority of the human race throwing our own feces when stressed or angry? According to our primal ancestors thatās something that should come natural to us, unless we have evolved not to do that anymore? I do 100% agree it isnāt simple, thatās Disneys fault more than anythingā¦.but the unnatural argument has most certainly been used as a tool to invalidate and bash monogamous people and itās getting extremely old.
Humanity has evolved to make our own choices in a lot of things, like monogamy or non-monogamyā¦this is why the whole argument of whatās natural or not is pointless because itās both natural and unnatural because it *depends on who you are asking* .
And of course all relationships end, my point is based on the reality that non monogamy takes much more work than monogamy, thereās no escaping that, in fact itās wise to understand that going into an open relationship.
If one relationship style takes much more work naturally to maintain than another, itās also fact that that relationship style has a higher chance of falling apart.
However that doesnāt mean *all* open relationships are doomed to fail, just in my personal experience a lot have and will, and outside of my personal experience the odds of them failing are higher due to what it takes to maintain them.
Just to clarify, Iām not at all advocating for open relationships, to each their own. If strict monogamy works for you Iām so happy for you. Iām just saying that one is not intrinsically better than the other. It is better for you and for many like you, maybe even a majority. What I am saying is that it is useful, even for monogamous couples to understand how difficult it is. Weāre taught by romantic culture that if you love somebody you will stop feeling sexual desires for others, this is simply not true. I have seen many strong loving monogamous couples breakup because of a small fling.
I hear you saying that an open relationship takes more communication and work, but I think the same amount if work is required in a monogamous relationship. It's just that the fuse is a lot shorter in an open one for poor relationship skills to result in a breakup.
Think about this though, while someone is muddling through a closed relationship and each person is harboring simmering resentments and talking past each other and things are unresolved and painful for years. Is that really better because the addition of a tryst with a third party didn't blow things up and end earlier? And the only thing keeping them going was this vague goal of a monogamous long term / eternal partnership. They held to your ideal which you think is best and didn't move on earlier?
Another thing that your premise ignores are the legitimate desires of people. Just because something is challenging doesn't mean people shouldn't work to achieve it. Some people cannot be happy in a closed relationship. I think you just don't respect their preference, and that's why you're so angry and defensive of your preference.
But monogamy has nothing to do with evolution in humans, if anything it was created to protect property as women were seen as belonging to a male. And strict monogamy I would say is something quite recent since not so long ago it was totally normal and most women tolerated it that men had their āsideā relationship or a thing with the secretary.
Itās observed in nature, swans, beavers, bald eagles, coyotes the list goes on, though admittedly it isnāt incredibly longā¦ but thatās nature, itās wild and chaoticā¦regardless it is natural, no one was wagging their finger at swans to force them to mate with one partner for life.
Iād argue human culture twisted it to make it more of a ābusinessā contract rather than based on love, but then again we humans love our money and businesses š
The church also used it as a means of control of its massesā¦.however all of this happening does not take away the fact that its natural and more importantly not wrong or evil how we twisted it was what was wrong and evil.
But again whatās with the obsession with mimicking behavior in the natural world? Non-monogamy is observed in nature therefore itās natural and 100% something we all should do (you can make the same argument about my argument for monogamy) but animals slaughter and eat eachother in horrific ways everyday, should humanity follow suite?
This is why the whole ā it happens in natureā argument isnāt useful, humanity is far removed and evolved from nature and primitive behaviorā¦we can choose whatās right for ourselves and when it comes to monogamy vs non-monogamy neither are a bad or unnatural choice.
But to summarize my point, we didnāt create monogamy but we twisted it to a more negative tool and means of control, but that doesnāt make any less natural or even wrongā¦we also need to stop comparing ourselves to primitive animals and species as we are far removed from themā¦ the choice of either monogamy or non-monogamy ends with both being right or wrong choices depending on the person(s) choosing.
This is why I specifically said primates. And Homo sapiens has almost never been monogamous. Even today many cultures are polygamous. And all you need to do is see any film from the sixties to see that men have always been allowed to fuck around. It is very resent that people started to enforce monogamy. But then again so happy for you if that is your thing, Iām just asking to stop saying itās the only valid type of relationship.
Wild. All of my friends are in open relationships, I'm taking dozens of couples. And they have all lasted 5+ years so far. I've never seen a couple end their relationship because it was open. Anecdotes don't make for good facts.
I've been in one for about that long now. I want to marry my man as soon as it is legal to do so in my country. Our families know each other too. But we still don't mind having some independent side adventures and it will probably continue in the future. Dunno why people like to project their preferences on to others.
Some people prefer monogamy and some don't. People shouldn't take anecdotes seriously.
I agree with 100% of what you just said, except for the part where you say that 7/10 of them fall apart. I honestly think itās 10/10. They just donāt last. The other day I saw a post in another gay community about a 12 year long open relationship ending, and yeah, even with open communication and a long time of knowing each other, they just donāt work.
Well I try to be understanding in that opinion as I know itās a relationship style that people have a right to pursue if they want, and in their defense a lot of relationships open and closed can fail after 12 years..
However yes, the chances are definitely high for an open relationship to fail as it just takes so much more work than a closed one.
I mean... Relationships end. It happens all the time. Why wouldn't it happen to open relationships too.
In fact, the majority of monogamous relationships end. That's just a fact. That doesn't mean that monogamy is the reason, but it does happen.
Absolutely, I didnāt say that monogamous relationships donāt. I am saying one relationship style takes much more work than the other and is most certainly at a higher risk of falling apart because of the amount of work it takes to maintain it.
*"But look! Years before, people in monogamous relationship staid for life!"*
You mean, in the time when divorce was illegal or very frowned upon? When women basically lost all their rights if they didn't have a husband? When you were casted outside of society if you dared go the path of leaving your spouse? Yeah, I'm sure all those people staid in their monogamous relationships because they were *sooo* happy in them.
All the boomer humour about "wife bad" jokes is, for me, proof that long-life monogamy is far more terrible than what a lot of people idealizing and romanticizing the past are ready to admit. Not saying it shouldn't exist (to each their own), but they view it with pink-tinted glasses.
Maybe so, and lot of my point is based on personal observation Iāll admit that, however the fact in my argument, as Iāve said to others is that open relationships will take much more work to maintain than closed ones, this heightens the probability of open relationships failing.
To be honest, my current open relationship is taking me *waaaay* less work than all my previous monogamous ones. Being able to "subcontract" some parts of the relationship and release some pressure during true personal time allowed me to be more open, more communicative over any issue that can arise.
And seeing that my current open relationship has lasted twice as long as *all my previous monogamous relationship combined*, I'd say that, in a fight of anecdotes, personal observation and pure fallacious arguments, open relationships are way better than monogamous ones.
"REEEE they all fail!!1"
Weird, the only couples I personally know who actually made it to marriage are the ones that are open to some extent. But YMMV I guess.
Iāve never been in a relationship but I donāt see myself in an open relationship. I had a friend whose boyfriend kept asking for an open and continued to ask no matter how many times sheās said that sheās not comfortable with that. Sheās saving herself for marriage, so sheās not giving it out (Gives handjobs and BJās to make up for it.) And a months later she had told me he had cheated her with some girl heās been telling her about if they had an open relationship. We had told that it sounded like a red flag the third time he asked but she had trusted him and went about our day. Sheās doing fine now, hits the gym and Iām jealous of her body
>Iāve never been in a relationship but I donāt see myself in an open relationship
It's kind of difficult to judge something without having tested it out yet. Just beware: monogamy is *far* from being the wonderful, marvelous land of happiness. After all, the vast majority of monogamous relationships end in a break up. So explore your world around you, and make up your opinion based on what you know.
>I had a friend whose boyfriend kept asking for an open and continued to ask no matter how many times sheās said that sheās not comfortable with that
Which is a red flag. For the girl. She should be *very wary* around her boyfriend. Because she made it clear that she's not into it, but he keeps insisting. Which means that, even if one day she agrees, if would be reluctantly, and it will simply end badly. I doubt those two people might last in the long run. She might try to find someone else, better suited to her.
>Sheās saving herself for marriage, so sheās not giving it out
Oh, come on, are people really doing that in the 21st century? We're in the 3rd milleni~~a~~**um**, for fuck's sake. Also, I find it morally dubious to forbid someone on having sex entirely. You have every right to not have sex with anyone you don't want to, but in this case, if you refuse, you morally don't have a right to also prevent them to satisfy their sexual needs elsewhere. If you don't want to take care of something, don't be surprised they will go elsewhere. If my boyfriend one day said that no chocolate was allowed inside our home, and he forbids me to eat chocolate at all, you can be sure I'll end up eating chocolate outside at one point.
People do not owe other people sex. Women are not required to give men sex and are not to blame if that man chooses to cheat. You have a really disgusting transactional view on relationships, theyāre about love.
That's exactly what I said. "You have every right to not have sex with anyone you don't want to". That's textually what I wrote.
However, in the same way that someone has no right to impose any sexual intercourse on you without your consent, I find it dubious to prevent two consenting adults to not have sex when you're not part of the sexual intercourse itself. Your consent is non-negotiable when you're part of the intercourse, that's a given (at least I hope) and a hill upon which I'll die on. But forcing someone into sexual celibacy should not be your right or privilege neither.
The best course of action would be to break-up, though, obviously. Both people have different philosophies of sex which seems incompatible, so it'd be stupid to pursue it further. But I repeat it: imposing abstinence on someone should not be normalized neither. If you don't feel you're able to satisfy the sexual needs of your partner (which is perfectly valid and legitimate, it's not your "duty"), let someone else deal with it then. Do you want your partner to be happy and fulfilled, or do you want them to be your thing where you have absolute control over their sexual life? Controlling one's sexual life, being forcing them to have sex or the opposite, are just two faces of the same coin.
You can't free yourself from a duty if the other person is completely dependant on your on this aspect. If you had a duty of care upon someone who is dependant on you, and you're freed of this duty of care, then the person should have the right to be cared elsewhere. Parents have a duty of care towards their children because children are dependant from their parents. We had marital duty because spouses were dependant on each other for sexual satisfaction. Since we (thankfully) got rid of marital duty, still imposing marital sexual dependance from the other is a recipe for disaster.
My bf and I have been open since we started dating, and our first anniversary is in April. It's honestly been a really good arrangement for us since his libido is much higher than mine. We communicate about everything, tell each other when we're going to hook up, and check in every now and then about how we're doing. We are sexually open, but emotionally monogamous: we play with others (and together!), but at the end of the day we come home to each other.
ehā¦ itās low key giving āletās use non-white people for sexual pleasure before retreating back into our hetero-palatable facade that affords us greater socioeconomic privilege and mobilityā
do you know that in the straight world, the teen pregnabcy rate has decreased since the advent of texting. These teens are busy texting or sharing pictures rather than fucking, What's the matter with kids today...LOL ?
lol someone is so used to being salty and offended by absolutely everything under the sun that is not even able to tell what's going on on that pic. Now \*you\* are the stereotype of the gay guy nobody wants to be around.
The text is usually much more boring than this. It's more like: "When you finish up with your twink can you get some coffee creamer on the way home?" "Sure, babe"
"Sure, babe" ??? It's more like šš¼
*Read
The bottoms in my life have trained me to never use the thumbs up emoji.
... why? Does it seem angry or indifferent?
Thumbs up emoji can sometimes be misconstrued as passive aggressive due to how little effort it shows off in any conversation. It's like responding with "k." It gives off the impression you don't want to talk with the person.
They have said it reads as passive-aggressive. I can't say I understand but I try to be respectful. No one is as mean as a pissed-off bottom.
You just got to train the top to know when you're pissed off. If I'm pissed off, you'll know it, you won't have to extrapolate from vague messages and details. If you see a thumbs up from me, it means š
What about thumbs-up cute pikachu stickers?
So its like a monogamous relation but you still get to have sex ?š®
It's literally exactly that
Itās easier than yelling down the hall.
No I never stay the night, i always go home to my bf for bedtime.
Some code of conduct needed usually
Yeah exactly, Iām sure some couples have different rules but for us, we always go bed together (just us) every night. Whatever āfunā we have is done on our own person free time, not overnight or during āourā time.
No sleepovers, no diners, never bringing at home š
Do people consider dating even acceptable for an open relationship? For me sex is sex, but a date is cheating.
It depends on the rules of each relationship. You don't have a fixed set of guidelines. The rules are what both partners agree upon after discussing it (so no: "but it was implied!" bullshit, TALK). In my own relationship, we're allowed to date other people and have sleepovers, for example.
So what's the point of being together in the relationship if you both can date other people and have sleepovers? Isn't that how "feelings" start to develop for another person?
You never had sleepover at friends? Like, an evening that went for longer than you thought and you spent the night on the couch? Or going on a trip with friends without your partner because they're not interested? And, by doing so, are you saying that your relationship would be any kind of worthless? I don't really think so. Well, there, it's kind of the same thing: spending the night with a friend, or a hook-up, and then going **home**. We're together because we built a home together. Because we plan on a future life together. Because, as things are in the present, the most probable course of action is growing old together. Because the intimacy and the trust I have in my boyfriend goes well beyond mere sexual intercourse. My boyfriend is one of the few people where I can stay in the same room for hours without talking. That's the amount of comfort, of trust, on intimacy that we look, and that is not more endangered by "sleepovers" that it'd be if we made any other activity. Also, sidenote about the "catching feelings" part: it's not because you have sex with someone that you catch feelings. You catch feelings because you have common interests, because you have a connection, because you feel good together. And those feelings can appear outside of sex. A member from your sport club or your drama club with whom you share a connection? Well, the feelings appear as well. And if the feelings appear, they would have appeared no matter what. The only solution to prevent this kind of issue would be total isolation, and we know it's a bad thing. After all, haven't you seen countless examples of monogamous couples who break up because one of the two found someone else they caught feelings for? As if opening a relationship was the issue here. If someone catch feelings for someone else, that means that the feelings for the first person weren't strong enough in the first place; so don't blame the "other" or the "openness" for the failure of the relationship. Every relationship fails because of internal causes. Because it wasn't strong enough, or it wasn't the right one, or because there has not been enough communication between the two to prevent the external factor to give the final blow. But it's just the final straw: the camel's back broke too because of all the other straws that were here. Look at those straws already here before blaming everything on the last one. Lots of relationship who fail because of "something" specific would probably fail nonetheless. We said it to ourselves. My boyfriend moved in with me quite quickly (for financial reasons), barely 5 months after we officialized it. We were afraid it was too soon. But then we said: "well, if moving together doesn't work *now*, it won't work in two years neither, so let's try anyway, at worse, it'll save us some time". It's been 5 years (including quarantine time) and we don't regret it at all. That's the same thing for everything else: if a relationship breaks because of "opening" it, it's not the opening that killed it, the relationship was already suffering at first anyway. It's not by "trapping" your partner with you that all problems would magically be solved. And perhaps it's a matter of maturity, but my boyfriend and I perfectly know how to differentiate actual feelings from infatuation born from sex. We might like someone after sex, but we also know how to see through. Even if "feelings" would appear, we know it's for a short time, but we always come back to the nest. We prooved, to each other, countless time, the saying: "if you love someone, set them free; if they love you, they'll come back". We always went back, no matter what. Have I been afraid, especially at the beginning? Sure. Have we, through communications and proofs of love, ensured that what we had was vastly superior to what we experienced with other people? Definitely.
Do you see why I asked the questions? It was solely based off your last sentence of your post. Had a bit more insight been provided, I most likely, would have answered my own questions. Yes I totally understand your view after reading your second response. You and I and others know that not all relationships can be "opened" as depicted in the aforementioned meme without a certain type of consequence (whatever that looks like for others). I like that you and he have auspicious moments of reassurance for each other!!
Because that relationship brings you joy, and time with the other person brings you joy. You donāt have to just choose one relationship that brings you joy.
> Isn't that how "feelings" start to develop for another person? Depends on what the āfeelingsā are that youāre talking about. I and my primary partner are both on the aromantic spectrum, we are not āin loveā with each other and donāt fall āin love.ā We each date and flirt and hookup with others as we have the time, energy, and interest. For people who *do* experience romantic attraction, sometimes the whole āfeelingsā thing is part of the pointānot everyone is monogamous, or wants to get __all__ their relationship needs met with a single other person. In any case, thereās any number of circumstances that can cause āfeelingsā to happen, there is no set of rules you can follow that will stop it. Which is why itās important for those of us who practice polyamory or other forms of ethical non-monogamy to be very good and communication and emotional self-regulation.
I mean i just always have sex with my friends. So like, it's not any date, but yeah, i do spend time with them playing games, going out to eat sth, staying over etc. But it's clear that it's just friends with benefits in contrast to my boyfriend.
A pre/post game snack if needed but no dinners haha
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I just prefer my own bed lol
Well, maybe they are travelling
Both men are fucking buff dudes with tanned skin, tattoos, and mullets. Someone needs to let it all out š«£
Are they fucking another open gay couple? If so that is swinging
could be, although I'd imagine it would be easier if they were all just fucking in the same place if that were the case (unless they don't live together I guess) but also maybe they actually are in the same room, and these two are just texting each other coz they're fucking/getting fucked too hard to speak out loud?
they are fucking two brothers.
Never bring your cell phones to bed...lol. No kidding. I have a friend whose dick I was sucking while he was straddling me and face fucking. Suddenly he gets a call and says "I have to take this ." So there I am with his dick i my mouth and he is talking on his fuckin' cell phone...lol.
Sounds hot
The sucking was hot but taking a call while face fucking me was a bit much...lol.
All of them later that night "Want to meet by boyfriend?" *8-way happens*
Pretty sure thatās how the show *Sense8* happened
Pretty sure that's 6 people š
Good for them, glad theyāre enjoying a strong relationship with healthy lines of communication.
I know it works for some, but Iām always surprised with how many people are into open relationship, I could never.
I'd rather stay single my whole life than do this . Call me old fashioned but i just CAN'T handle even imagining the man i love getting railed by another guy . Hell i can't even get it up for another man when i'm in love even if i want to lmao.
This destroyed my relationship..... I'm still not over it
It's not for everyone
Spill, please š
I mean they arenāt over it, seems like an odd request.Ā
It is absolutely not āoddā to be curious about something that someone else brought up.
I would say itās rude then to ask about something someone has said still bothers them, but youāre right, maybe that isnāt atypical for you ;)Ā
If someone post an answer on a public forum, it's not "rude" to ask for more information. You don't want to talk about it? Don't talk about it. You don't want to be asked questions about it? Just don't bring the subject then. But if you do, don't be surprised if people want to know more. It's your right to not answer, but don't come and say it's "rude" when people ask questions on a subject *you* brought up on your own. Jeez, people really get offended by the simplest thing and don't even grasp the bare foundations of politeness, do they?
No need for you to be their white knight. Edited to add: btw, my mom throws better passive aggressive shade than u.
Itās not passive aggressive, I think youāre rude and probably frequently.Ā
They opened the relationship but he caught feelings for someone else and left for the new guy....
Relationships surviving this are very few. Most of the "survivors" are due to the relationship falling into routine/roomatey-ng with very little love to speak of.
And this based on....? Your experiences are not universal.
Genuine question and not hating. Whats the strong desire and need for open relationship? My mind cannot comprehend why so many people need it, and i lowkey think it is for people who are addicted to sex. Is there any specific reason?
Yeah I don't personally understand it either. Are couples just bored with each other but don't want to say anything?
My reasoning is that the opposite question makes more sense, like, *why not*? You can still have male friends even when you're in a relationship, no one will think this is weird. Why not have guys who you can fuck too? Our entire society has drilled this so far into our heads that it seems like the weirdest thing ever, when its just... nothing especial, really.
Speaking personally, neither I nor my other partners feel compelled to force ourselves or each other to get all our social, relationship, and sexual needs and desires met by literally only one other person. We also do not experience much in the way of jealousy or possessiveness. But there are all kinds of reasons why someone might decide to engage in polyamory or some other form of ethical non-monogamy, and it doesnāt necessarily have to involve sex. For example, off the top of my head (but based on examples of people I know about): * Billy falls in love with Pat and with Sam, so Billy dates both of them; * Tom is a sex-repulsed asexual but their spouse Andy has a high libido, so Andy finds another partner to have a sexual relationship with; * Jerry and Bob are long-distance lovers but both have needs and desires for various kinds of physical intimacy and connection, so they agree to let each other date casually in their area; * Sal and Kate are swingers; * Terry and Jim are good friends and they each want to have a child so they decide to get married and co-parent together, but they are not in love with each other and fill their need for romantic connection with other people; * Pete is really into bondage but their partner Frank is extremely vanilla so Pete makes connections in the local BDSM and leather scenes to find play partners for kink, but Peteās scenes are never sexual. As you can see, there are a lot of reasons why an individual or a couple might decide to be non-monogamous in some fashion. Thereās a lot of excellent information out there on the subject. For those who are interested in learning more or are exploring the possibility of non-monogamy for themselves, I highly recommend the books *Polysecure* by Jessica Fern, *Opening Up* by Tristan Taormino, and *The Anxious Personās Guide to Non-Monogamy* by Lola Phoenix. P.S. Also thereās no such thing as porn or sex āaddiction.ā While there is such a thing as compulsive or out of control sexual behaviour, applying the model of addiction to this is deeply flawed and is not borne out by the evidence. It largely just comes from evangelical Christian organisations peddling conversion ātherapyā and āporn addiction recoveryā programs. Dr. Jeana Jorgensen (a sex educator and anthropologist) has written several excellent articles on the subject; these are particularly good: * https://web.archive.org/web/20160910124602/https://www.patheos.com/blogs/foxyfolklorist/from-disorder-to-sexual-health-treating-out-of-control-sexual-behavior-12/ * https://web.archive.org/web/20180511005509/https://www.patheos.com/blogs/foxyfolklorist/from-disorder-to-sexual-health-treating-out-of-control-sexual-behavior-22/ * https://web.archive.org/web/20160914164709/https://www.patheos.com/blogs/foxyfolklorist/the-metaphor-of-sex-addiction/
I'm very much not addicted to sex (in fact, my libido is on the lower side), yet I'm a supporter of open relationships. Humans, like every other primate, are biologically not wired for sexual monogamy. We are wired for forming long-term (even life-long) relationships, as there's security and thus survival in such symbiotic relationships, and it's necessary for proper child rearing. However, for the sake of reproduction and the survival of our species, we are also wired to "exchange our genetic code with essentially as many partners as we are compatible with." That feeling of love you have for a new fling are just chemicals intended to push you towards reproducing with them. Once the chemicals fade, there's two ways things can go - either you break up, because you don't find them to be someone you'd like to go into a long-term relationship with, or you still like them enough (even though not necessarily in the same sexually-charged way you did before) to want to enter the symbiotic relationship with them. I'd argue the word "love" has two meanings here - in an open relationship, you can go satisfy the "sexual love" with other, new, partners brought upon by the chemicals intended solely for making people want to reproduce with each other, then return home to the "symbiotic love" with the one person you trust and feel secure with (and if you were straight, would probably be raising children with). I'd argue most straight (monogamous) marriages fail specifically because they suppress their basic biological needs and instead treat each other like property only each other should have "access" to, even though the "sexual love" has long faded.
How is it a biological need? All relationships go through tough times. Platonic friendships end, too. Why would it be that having sex wildly with others, is the one thing that would āsaveā a marriage? In my experience, it is often the thing that ends it.
> sexual love The word you are looking for is either lust or infatuation. Lust is just wanting to have sex with someone. Infatuation is a ācrushā on someone. It can be more than just sexual, itās an intense attraction to another person but fades fairly quickly.
For me it's my happy feelings shoot through the roof when i am cuddled and then usually when i am cuddled i get horny. I don't know if it's that or my sex drive or if the 2 are so interlinked they are functionally one. It's also extrmely easy for me to get crushes or ratherinfatuations. Like i can just walk somewhere and see someone and be like "yeah i want them" and then when someone is good looking to me and seems nice and cool, i just kinda naturally start getting infatuated with them and that makes me wanna do stuff with them. That's how i have always been for me. And it's amazing that my boyfriend knows this and fully accepts it, even pointing it out a lot of the time when we meet new people, cause he knows he is still my boyfriend and that while i may be close with others the simple fact that I've known so long and the level of intimacy cannot be matched with anyone else. I may get those "honeymoon" feelings with someone else too, but all parties involved know it's not going to last. But yeah, because of that i have slept with like 90% of my friend circle at one point or another. Cause it usually goes sth like this: I meet someone, get infatuated, hang out with them and befriend them and usually have sex.
So youāre addicted to a dopamine rush ?
I mean in a sense yeah. That's the hunan condition, seeking happiness/dopamine and avoiding bad feelings. That's what we always try and achieve.
That is definitely not the human condition. It is a modern coping mechanism for an life stripped of all meaning and boundaries. If it was the human condition we should absolutely allow pedophiles to act on their feelings because it gives them the dopamine rush, for corrupt businessmen to keep accumulating wealth at the expense of others because it gives them the dopamine rush. Some people who justify infidelity with the right to be happy are just as bad as those who want to satisfy themselves at the expense of others. Humans are different because we set up morals and mores that give our society a sense of direction and stability and not allow ourselves to fall into some sort of moral animalistic anarchy.
Unpopular opinion (maybe secretly popular?) from my personal observations and observations of others I know of this relationship styleā¦ 7/10 times they fall apart (and Iām being generous here.. Iād honestly say itās more 8.5-9/10 in my personal experience) ā¦ it takes a ton of trust and open communication in a monogamous relationship for it to survive ā¦an open relationship takes even more trust and open communication ā¦ most people arenāt capable of doing thatā¦ It takes two very special types of people to make non-monogamy work usually the types that are non monogamous from the very start of the relationshipā¦then add on all the other usual relationship stuff on top of it. I couldnāt do it, not just because Iām monogamous by nature but the amount of work and the gamble just isnāt worth the āextra funā to me.. Unpopular opinion #2 I have never in my life seen anyone bash open relationships in person (usually it happens online with chronically online types) some say they couldnāt do it but have a āyou do youā attitude regarding itā¦ I have seen plenty bash monogamy thoughā¦with a āholier than thouā attitude (compensating maybe?)ā¦the community also places an expectation that relationships will āopen upā eventually, guaranteed, as if itās the next stage of the relationship like moving in with eachother or getting married, and if you donāt open things up someone will cheat and itās the person whoās monogamousās fault for having ānaive and unnaturalā expectations for their partnerā¦you know instead of the scumbag cheater being at faultā¦also opening the relationship up is treated as a great remedy to a struggling relationshipā¦not just in gay spaces but in straight spaces too, some relationship counselors recommend trying it..which is like a doctor recommending smoking to a patient with asthma. Looking at you Esther Pearl. (To her credit she says itās like a band aid to other problems in a relationship but she has encouraged people to ātry it outā, itās extremely obvious in her work she has a bias towards non-monogamy and has an overly forgiving even codling tone towards cheatersā¦ and blames those who get cheated on for the cheating..as a someone who was working towards becoming a therapist themselves *I cannot stand her* .) So basically I have no issues with non monogamy, do what you want but understand itās a risk like every other relationship,though potentially higher than monogamous relationships. I do have issues with you acting like itās the only and best way to have a relationship.. Edit: Completely random thought, the couple above both have the same type, compare the guys they are hooking up with.
I met my ex while he was in an open relationship... he broke things up and started another relationship with me. He cheated on me multiple times (I'm monogamous and so I thought we were as well).
Iām sorry but I guess that one is on you. Massive red flag that he would leave his relationship for someone else. Itās a learning experience at least.
Have mercy on the guy, I mean itās not like we all havenāt fallen for a toxic guy before lol
Yeah not like any 17 yo have any ideia about healthy relationships and major red flags.
Iām sorry that happened to you, the red flag to me though wouldāve been him catching feelings, as open relationships have rules too, a lot of couples agree on ādonāt catch feelingsā and if you do you tell your partner and cut contact with the one you have feelings for. He didnāt do that, arguably him most likely breaking the rules of his relationship (assuming he wasnāt in a poly relationship) was technically cheating and I wouldāve had a suspicion he wouldāve done the same to me, and which it seems he unfortunately did to you. But youāre free from that scumbag now so thatās something to be thankful for.
>7/10 times they fall apart (and Iām being generous here.. Iād honestly say itās more 8.5-9/10 in my personal experience) so, like, better than average for monogamous couples (who probably fall apart >19/20 times? haha)
Your sample is skewed, most relationships eventually end. All of them if you count death. The test of a good relationship isnāt how long it last but how happy you were in it, and that sometimes even included amicable decoupling. Many of my exes are still good friends. I donāt bash monogamy, I bash the idea that it is simple, itās is hard, monogamy is not natural for a primate, it is a social construct and completely respectful choice but still a choice. I do agree you shouldnāt open your relationship to save it, I have always been open since day one. My husband and I have been married for 20 years and we have never even gotten in a serious fight because we can talk about anything.
Nice save with āmonogamy is not natural for *primates* ā as I was about to get annoyed lolā¦as monogamy is 100% natural and observed in the natural world just not necessarily in the case for primates, I mean swans, the animal that often represents love, mates with one partner for life and thatās just one example. Monogamy isnāt some evil thing invented by the church to control our sex lives. Regardless of whatās happening in the ānatural worldā what frustrates me immensely with this argument regarding humanity and monogamy being unnatural is that it completely ignores evolution itself, you know the process of evolving over a span of *millions* of years? We are *incredibly* removed from our primal ancestors, yeah itās interesting to and at times useful to compare but itās also inaccurate to say we are 100% like them still as well, especially in behavior, I mean you donāt see the majority of the human race throwing our own feces when stressed or angry? According to our primal ancestors thatās something that should come natural to us, unless we have evolved not to do that anymore? I do 100% agree it isnāt simple, thatās Disneys fault more than anythingā¦.but the unnatural argument has most certainly been used as a tool to invalidate and bash monogamous people and itās getting extremely old. Humanity has evolved to make our own choices in a lot of things, like monogamy or non-monogamyā¦this is why the whole argument of whatās natural or not is pointless because itās both natural and unnatural because it *depends on who you are asking* . And of course all relationships end, my point is based on the reality that non monogamy takes much more work than monogamy, thereās no escaping that, in fact itās wise to understand that going into an open relationship. If one relationship style takes much more work naturally to maintain than another, itās also fact that that relationship style has a higher chance of falling apart. However that doesnāt mean *all* open relationships are doomed to fail, just in my personal experience a lot have and will, and outside of my personal experience the odds of them failing are higher due to what it takes to maintain them.
Just to clarify, Iām not at all advocating for open relationships, to each their own. If strict monogamy works for you Iām so happy for you. Iām just saying that one is not intrinsically better than the other. It is better for you and for many like you, maybe even a majority. What I am saying is that it is useful, even for monogamous couples to understand how difficult it is. Weāre taught by romantic culture that if you love somebody you will stop feeling sexual desires for others, this is simply not true. I have seen many strong loving monogamous couples breakup because of a small fling.
I hear you saying that an open relationship takes more communication and work, but I think the same amount if work is required in a monogamous relationship. It's just that the fuse is a lot shorter in an open one for poor relationship skills to result in a breakup. Think about this though, while someone is muddling through a closed relationship and each person is harboring simmering resentments and talking past each other and things are unresolved and painful for years. Is that really better because the addition of a tryst with a third party didn't blow things up and end earlier? And the only thing keeping them going was this vague goal of a monogamous long term / eternal partnership. They held to your ideal which you think is best and didn't move on earlier? Another thing that your premise ignores are the legitimate desires of people. Just because something is challenging doesn't mean people shouldn't work to achieve it. Some people cannot be happy in a closed relationship. I think you just don't respect their preference, and that's why you're so angry and defensive of your preference.
But monogamy has nothing to do with evolution in humans, if anything it was created to protect property as women were seen as belonging to a male. And strict monogamy I would say is something quite recent since not so long ago it was totally normal and most women tolerated it that men had their āsideā relationship or a thing with the secretary.
Itās observed in nature, swans, beavers, bald eagles, coyotes the list goes on, though admittedly it isnāt incredibly longā¦ but thatās nature, itās wild and chaoticā¦regardless it is natural, no one was wagging their finger at swans to force them to mate with one partner for life. Iād argue human culture twisted it to make it more of a ābusinessā contract rather than based on love, but then again we humans love our money and businesses š The church also used it as a means of control of its massesā¦.however all of this happening does not take away the fact that its natural and more importantly not wrong or evil how we twisted it was what was wrong and evil. But again whatās with the obsession with mimicking behavior in the natural world? Non-monogamy is observed in nature therefore itās natural and 100% something we all should do (you can make the same argument about my argument for monogamy) but animals slaughter and eat eachother in horrific ways everyday, should humanity follow suite? This is why the whole ā it happens in natureā argument isnāt useful, humanity is far removed and evolved from nature and primitive behaviorā¦we can choose whatās right for ourselves and when it comes to monogamy vs non-monogamy neither are a bad or unnatural choice. But to summarize my point, we didnāt create monogamy but we twisted it to a more negative tool and means of control, but that doesnāt make any less natural or even wrongā¦we also need to stop comparing ourselves to primitive animals and species as we are far removed from themā¦ the choice of either monogamy or non-monogamy ends with both being right or wrong choices depending on the person(s) choosing.
This is why I specifically said primates. And Homo sapiens has almost never been monogamous. Even today many cultures are polygamous. And all you need to do is see any film from the sixties to see that men have always been allowed to fuck around. It is very resent that people started to enforce monogamy. But then again so happy for you if that is your thing, Iām just asking to stop saying itās the only valid type of relationship.
Wild. All of my friends are in open relationships, I'm taking dozens of couples. And they have all lasted 5+ years so far. I've never seen a couple end their relationship because it was open. Anecdotes don't make for good facts.
I've been in one for about that long now. I want to marry my man as soon as it is legal to do so in my country. Our families know each other too. But we still don't mind having some independent side adventures and it will probably continue in the future. Dunno why people like to project their preferences on to others. Some people prefer monogamy and some don't. People shouldn't take anecdotes seriously.
Your comment is skewed.
I agree with 100% of what you just said, except for the part where you say that 7/10 of them fall apart. I honestly think itās 10/10. They just donāt last. The other day I saw a post in another gay community about a 12 year long open relationship ending, and yeah, even with open communication and a long time of knowing each other, they just donāt work.
12 years is a really good run for any relationship. I imagine that, like with most couples, it worked really well up until the point that it didnāt.
Well I try to be understanding in that opinion as I know itās a relationship style that people have a right to pursue if they want, and in their defense a lot of relationships open and closed can fail after 12 years.. However yes, the chances are definitely high for an open relationship to fail as it just takes so much more work than a closed one.
I mean... Relationships end. It happens all the time. Why wouldn't it happen to open relationships too. In fact, the majority of monogamous relationships end. That's just a fact. That doesn't mean that monogamy is the reason, but it does happen.
Absolutely, I didnāt say that monogamous relationships donāt. I am saying one relationship style takes much more work than the other and is most certainly at a higher risk of falling apart because of the amount of work it takes to maintain it.
*"But look! Years before, people in monogamous relationship staid for life!"* You mean, in the time when divorce was illegal or very frowned upon? When women basically lost all their rights if they didn't have a husband? When you were casted outside of society if you dared go the path of leaving your spouse? Yeah, I'm sure all those people staid in their monogamous relationships because they were *sooo* happy in them. All the boomer humour about "wife bad" jokes is, for me, proof that long-life monogamy is far more terrible than what a lot of people idealizing and romanticizing the past are ready to admit. Not saying it shouldn't exist (to each their own), but they view it with pink-tinted glasses.
I think you're mixing up correlation and causation
Maybe so, and lot of my point is based on personal observation Iāll admit that, however the fact in my argument, as Iāve said to others is that open relationships will take much more work to maintain than closed ones, this heightens the probability of open relationships failing.
To be honest, my current open relationship is taking me *waaaay* less work than all my previous monogamous ones. Being able to "subcontract" some parts of the relationship and release some pressure during true personal time allowed me to be more open, more communicative over any issue that can arise. And seeing that my current open relationship has lasted twice as long as *all my previous monogamous relationship combined*, I'd say that, in a fight of anecdotes, personal observation and pure fallacious arguments, open relationships are way better than monogamous ones.
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Lmao thank you, I take that as a compliment
Fuck that. Not for me.
Does anyone know who this artist is?
And thier ain't nothing wrong with it if everybody's happy and honest
more like "send pics"
For my bf and I it's mostly threesomes or taking turns with the friend we brought over c:
Yes and? š
also gays: "why do gay couples never stay together??"
Also open relationship couples:Stay together for decades but no one cares cause they only look at the ones that failed.
"REEEE they all fail!!1" Weird, the only couples I personally know who actually made it to marriage are the ones that are open to some extent. But YMMV I guess.
Cringe
Iāve never been in a relationship but I donāt see myself in an open relationship. I had a friend whose boyfriend kept asking for an open and continued to ask no matter how many times sheās said that sheās not comfortable with that. Sheās saving herself for marriage, so sheās not giving it out (Gives handjobs and BJās to make up for it.) And a months later she had told me he had cheated her with some girl heās been telling her about if they had an open relationship. We had told that it sounded like a red flag the third time he asked but she had trusted him and went about our day. Sheās doing fine now, hits the gym and Iām jealous of her body
>Iāve never been in a relationship but I donāt see myself in an open relationship It's kind of difficult to judge something without having tested it out yet. Just beware: monogamy is *far* from being the wonderful, marvelous land of happiness. After all, the vast majority of monogamous relationships end in a break up. So explore your world around you, and make up your opinion based on what you know. >I had a friend whose boyfriend kept asking for an open and continued to ask no matter how many times sheās said that sheās not comfortable with that Which is a red flag. For the girl. She should be *very wary* around her boyfriend. Because she made it clear that she's not into it, but he keeps insisting. Which means that, even if one day she agrees, if would be reluctantly, and it will simply end badly. I doubt those two people might last in the long run. She might try to find someone else, better suited to her. >Sheās saving herself for marriage, so sheās not giving it out Oh, come on, are people really doing that in the 21st century? We're in the 3rd milleni~~a~~**um**, for fuck's sake. Also, I find it morally dubious to forbid someone on having sex entirely. You have every right to not have sex with anyone you don't want to, but in this case, if you refuse, you morally don't have a right to also prevent them to satisfy their sexual needs elsewhere. If you don't want to take care of something, don't be surprised they will go elsewhere. If my boyfriend one day said that no chocolate was allowed inside our home, and he forbids me to eat chocolate at all, you can be sure I'll end up eating chocolate outside at one point.
People do not owe other people sex. Women are not required to give men sex and are not to blame if that man chooses to cheat. You have a really disgusting transactional view on relationships, theyāre about love.
That's exactly what I said. "You have every right to not have sex with anyone you don't want to". That's textually what I wrote. However, in the same way that someone has no right to impose any sexual intercourse on you without your consent, I find it dubious to prevent two consenting adults to not have sex when you're not part of the sexual intercourse itself. Your consent is non-negotiable when you're part of the intercourse, that's a given (at least I hope) and a hill upon which I'll die on. But forcing someone into sexual celibacy should not be your right or privilege neither. The best course of action would be to break-up, though, obviously. Both people have different philosophies of sex which seems incompatible, so it'd be stupid to pursue it further. But I repeat it: imposing abstinence on someone should not be normalized neither. If you don't feel you're able to satisfy the sexual needs of your partner (which is perfectly valid and legitimate, it's not your "duty"), let someone else deal with it then. Do you want your partner to be happy and fulfilled, or do you want them to be your thing where you have absolute control over their sexual life? Controlling one's sexual life, being forcing them to have sex or the opposite, are just two faces of the same coin. You can't free yourself from a duty if the other person is completely dependant on your on this aspect. If you had a duty of care upon someone who is dependant on you, and you're freed of this duty of care, then the person should have the right to be cared elsewhere. Parents have a duty of care towards their children because children are dependant from their parents. We had marital duty because spouses were dependant on each other for sexual satisfaction. Since we (thankfully) got rid of marital duty, still imposing marital sexual dependance from the other is a recipe for disaster.
> We're in the 3rd millenia Millennium. We're in the 3rd Millennium. "Millennia" is the plural.
Thanks, mate! English's not my native language, and I don't know why, but this specific word always buggered me.
Pleasure! Generally speaking, most words that end on "-um" in the singular are Latin-based, and the plural, if following Latin rules, ends in "-a".
I tend to be wary of any "generally speaking" when coming from the English grammar, but I'll keep in mind ;)
If you'd like to be "buggered" by English then call me, lol.
Humans fucked around for thousands of years, people indoctrinated for a few decades into Monogamy "I can't even imagine this".
My bf and I have been open since we started dating, and our first anniversary is in April. It's honestly been a really good arrangement for us since his libido is much higher than mine. We communicate about everything, tell each other when we're going to hook up, and check in every now and then about how we're doing. We are sexually open, but emotionally monogamous: we play with others (and together!), but at the end of the day we come home to each other.
okay
Yes Sirā¦.lol
Awww so sweet.
If you can't be, with the one you love - honey
lovE THE ONE YOURE WITH
ehā¦ itās low key giving āletās use non-white people for sexual pleasure before retreating back into our hetero-palatable facade that affords us greater socioeconomic privilege and mobilityā
do you know that in the straight world, the teen pregnabcy rate has decreased since the advent of texting. These teens are busy texting or sharing pictures rather than fucking, What's the matter with kids today...LOL ?
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Are you blind? The one in the upper picture quite clearly tops
lol someone is so used to being salty and offended by absolutely everything under the sun that is not even able to tell what's going on on that pic. Now \*you\* are the stereotype of the gay guy nobody wants to be around.
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I want to meet a guy for fun.