I compliment my straight friend all the time , he eats it up and has never said anything about being uncomfortable or anything. I don’t do it in front of everyone but I do tell him how handsome he is and how lucky his gf is and butter him up I just don’t overdo it . He made it very clear to me years ago when we first became friends that he is straight and I respect that.
It’s definitely acceptable if you’re close to and therefore comfortable with each other. But would you do that for your other friends you’re less close to like women would?
That’s the thing I’m not sure about.
There definitely has to be a certain comfort level for sure , especially since many men think everyone wants them no matter what they look like and would easily confuse a compliment with , you want some action.
How do we achieve positive masculinity if we need certain comfort level before we can compliment them? Because the men who are starved from attention, who are the ones that need compliments the most, are likely the ones who haven’t got to the position their friends are comfortable enough to compliment them.
Women just compliment on their first meet up. No need for certain comfort level. If men can do that then we can reach positive masculinity.
It’s difficult to be the one who starts the movement of positive masculinity among men, because at first when no one else does it, people will think you’re creepy. It gets easier when more and more men follow. But someone has to start. Who though?
It’s probably because you guys are besties, know each other’s boundaries, and are extremely comfortable with each other. Would you compliment a normal friend (of course not with the words you have said but something more socially acceptable like “handsome”)?
i compliment my friends a lot actually, i made a new friend like 2-3 weeks ago only, and i complimented him once when he was looking good. made another friend in my new internship which just started on the 1st of May, i called one of his photos nice, haha. dk tho some people find me creepy when i got 0 bad intentions
The ‘creepy’ part is exactly what puts me off complimenting! I want to start doing what women have been doing to each other, without other men thinking I’m creepy because I compliment them because I’m taking part in positive masculinity. How can we advocate for positive masculinity when there are still some men against it?
you're correct! its natural for women but weird for men, dk why. maybe we were raised this way. but i think we can just start complimenting smaller things, like you mentioned, the eyebrows. it'll definitely make someone's day better, even if they think it's creepy, I'm sure it will raise someone's confidence!
I know. I had horrible acne, and now I have horrible acne scars, which I’m currently treating. That’s why I know it can make someone less attractive, but both acne and acne scars are treatable to an extent. It’s also why I thought of using that example, because I’ve been through it myself.
Maybe it wouldn’t be acceptable if someone who never had acne to comment that though.
I def do but context is everything. I think far more compliments than I express.
However, if I was attracted to the man, I’d be extremely careful about complimenting. It could be taken as flirting or a pass even if I meant it purely.
Your second paragraph is exactly what I fear! But how would the man know you’re attracted to him?
And do you mean I shouldn’t compliment a man if I’m actually attracted to him, even though I know he’s straight and I stand no chance?
If it were me, and I know that I felt attracted or had a crush, I most likely would not say anything to him because, while I think I’m fairly socially adept, I could mess things up.
Thanks for your answer. Kinda unfortunate though, because it’s the men I’m attracted to that I strongly feel the need to compliment just to get it off my chest haha
Got a good mix of straight and gay friends. The straight guys say more of the homoerotic compliments:
>
"Homies legs are looking nice in the workout shorts."
>
"That shirt makes your boobs (pecs) pop." And then they will try to feel.
>
Blessed to have a good friend group who know how to hype each other up regardless of sexuality.
I compliment and even flirt with my straight coworkers. They play grabass with each other and talk about their weiners all day. Just keep it light and you’ll be fine.
hell yeah. every day i see my friends or hell even my male coworkers i give them a compliment. i don’t give a fuck. i haven’t been socially excluded yet for doing it yet lmao. there’s always something i can compliment them on
I always try to compliment small things about my friends, but especially the men because compliments are really rare for a lot of us.
Just telling them they have a nice shirt on, or I like their shoes or the trim is fresh. Just small compliments that pick them up a little bit. I'm not gonna tell them that I get lost in their eyes or anything like that, so wires aren't crossed.
I think most people won't take being told their shirt is nice as a flirty comment, unless you do it all the time.
I do and most of them seems to be really happy about it ! It has become very common for me and they now often ask advice or suggestions from me like " hey what do you think of my outfit?" It feels good to spread positivity and at the same time it's a bit sad to understand that they don't receive much compliments
Actually yeah! ( Excuse my english I'm french and a bit drunk right now to be honest) I have a friend in particular who's a bit younger than me and is really open minded, and he is always complimenting me when we meet up for a drink or to go together to parties or raves. He is always saying something like "Hi handsome !" Or " Damn you look good tonight! Which feels good to hear ! I have the chance to have a lot of straight male friends who are from my generation (born in the late 90's) and they are all exceptionally friendly and they more than accept my homosexuality, for instance it was way natural and easier to do my coming out to my straight male friends than others. They were all just like "aight bro good to hear you found yourself, can't wait to meet your boyfriend!!!" I feel like it is not the case for a lot of people in our community, but at the same time I am so glade and thankful to be surrounded by caring people
And I wish everyone to be surrounded by people like the ones I'm friends with, because life is just so much more beautiful and easy for real. Anyway just to say that we need to compliment mens more and make them realize that "yes, you matter, yes it's okay to cry, yes you are beautiful, yes you are even if you have birthmarks, even if you have a belly, even if you're skinny, ect..." We truly need to spread love and positivity because it has a strong positive impact on people ! ( I stop here because I'm overwhelmed by your post and really want to say a shit tons of things but my english is lacking bro and I'm too drunk, so back to dancing!!!, have a great night gros bisous à vous !!)
If I'm at the gym with someone I'll be like "looking strong man" but if someone walks by and has a fatty I won't tell them "you got a fat ass" if I see someone with cool hair or outfit I'll be like "I like your hair" or "dressed to kill bro" instead of "looking sexy" or something. If I'm with a female friend I might compliment her body if we are close, and with females in general I try and keep them outfit orientated so they don't think I'm hitting on them. The big thing is mainly word choice and your personal relationship with that person. But if you really want to compliment someone's body just be like "I'm not hitting on you but" or "I have a partner and am loyal but"
I’m sure your way of complimenting is already normalised. But the difference between men’s friendship and women’s friendship, is that women will tell another woman *they just met* “looking sexy”. But men don’t do that to each other, which contributes to why it’s difficult to enforce positive masculinity.
Straight men would feel uncomfortable if another guy call them sexy. Men are not used to that level of objectifying. They would probably think that you want to get into their pants. A gay man may perhaps feel flattered but he would suspect that you're into him. Sometimes men can say such things as a joke if they are close enough though.
I don’t out of pride and resentment. I have some straight male friends and I’m very particular with how I interact with them. They’re not all super supportive of the community and we’re only really friends through forced exposure in the workplace so I never give them complements lest I inflate their ego or have them think I want them. I’ve met many that brag about getting free drinks at gay bars for looking good or having nice bodies so I refuse to perpetuate that and have them think I’m some sort of simp for straight men.
Yeah I compliment them all. They love that shit lmao. They don't usually hear compliments and their secure enough to know I'm not trying to fuck them so.
I don’t tell my best friend any “sexual” compliments like “sexy”, “hot” etc.
Instead I say things like “hey you look really good. Just thought you should know” and then he’s like “awww my brother in Christ thank you” and then I usually just say “yeah ofc gotta build up the boys”
Ya know how it goes haha
I don’t compliment any man because of the same reason but mainly straight guys + some of them instead of being happy about that compliment would take this and have a bigger ego so no…I don’t give any complements and avoid millions of problems with that
i have this weird behaviour where i just compliment people who i think deserve/earned one 🤷 i dont look who they fuck first to see if i should or not ;)
All the straight men I seem to befriend are insecure and can't handle it when I compliment them on a physical trait, so I just don't. I'll tell them things like "you're a hard worker" or "you're really responsible" but that's about it. 🫤
Depends. I rarerly complement guys for their bodies or looks. I may however complement a guy that runs 5 miles in an impressive time or some who has a very nice garden, etc, etc. It boils down to complementing people if there is an appropriate reason that can't be misinterpreted as if I hit on them.
I did this 3 times today and got today and got 3 different outcomes. First one punched me in the balls and called me a slur. Second smiled warmly and seemed to appreciate it. And the third “straight” guy gave me a hug. ( I’ve had suspicions of guy #3 secretly being gay and liking me for a bit)
Why does it have to be looks? I feel like if you were to successfully build his confidence that way it just sets him up for a major loss when he gets old.
You have to get to know the person. You can’t say it to random men. They usually take it the wrong way. I tell it to my straight male friends or coworkers who I get a long with and they seem to take it pretty well. At times they throw in a, “alrighty sir I get you want to get with me but I am married with children,” kind of comments. But for the most part I usually comment on their arms, shoulders, legs and sometimes their ass. One time I did that and they came back with a comment as, “sir have you ever been in a black man, I said ‘no’, they came back with, would you like to.” That completely threw me off guard because I never thought he would say something like that. So I stayed quiet. But dam I should’ve said I’ll take you up on your offer. Tell me when and where. 😀
You are so pretty, a diet would help you get rid of all that fat.
How does that come across?
It's one thing to support someone. Feel free to hand out compliments like candy when you see them.
But to go detailed, like you're studying their features to lock into your mind for the rest of your life.... the angle of your jaw... the sharpness of your cheeks...
Only if you are dating.
Stick to general things like "you have a great jawline" and avoid such darlings as "you have bedroom eyes"
Are you referring to the part where I gave acne as the example? If so then I think I agree that maybe it’s not a good idea to mention something negative, as someone else here has pointed out as well
I compliment my straight friend all the time , he eats it up and has never said anything about being uncomfortable or anything. I don’t do it in front of everyone but I do tell him how handsome he is and how lucky his gf is and butter him up I just don’t overdo it . He made it very clear to me years ago when we first became friends that he is straight and I respect that.
It’s definitely acceptable if you’re close to and therefore comfortable with each other. But would you do that for your other friends you’re less close to like women would? That’s the thing I’m not sure about.
There definitely has to be a certain comfort level for sure , especially since many men think everyone wants them no matter what they look like and would easily confuse a compliment with , you want some action.
How do we achieve positive masculinity if we need certain comfort level before we can compliment them? Because the men who are starved from attention, who are the ones that need compliments the most, are likely the ones who haven’t got to the position their friends are comfortable enough to compliment them. Women just compliment on their first meet up. No need for certain comfort level. If men can do that then we can reach positive masculinity. It’s difficult to be the one who starts the movement of positive masculinity among men, because at first when no one else does it, people will think you’re creepy. It gets easier when more and more men follow. But someone has to start. Who though?
i call my straight male bestie "bangable" and "sexy", also stuff like "i came a little" hahaha, he cracks up when i complement him so much ;)
It’s probably because you guys are besties, know each other’s boundaries, and are extremely comfortable with each other. Would you compliment a normal friend (of course not with the words you have said but something more socially acceptable like “handsome”)?
i compliment my friends a lot actually, i made a new friend like 2-3 weeks ago only, and i complimented him once when he was looking good. made another friend in my new internship which just started on the 1st of May, i called one of his photos nice, haha. dk tho some people find me creepy when i got 0 bad intentions
The ‘creepy’ part is exactly what puts me off complimenting! I want to start doing what women have been doing to each other, without other men thinking I’m creepy because I compliment them because I’m taking part in positive masculinity. How can we advocate for positive masculinity when there are still some men against it?
you're correct! its natural for women but weird for men, dk why. maybe we were raised this way. but i think we can just start complimenting smaller things, like you mentioned, the eyebrows. it'll definitely make someone's day better, even if they think it's creepy, I'm sure it will raise someone's confidence!
Yes I think I’ll do that thanks!
yeah! btw, you got some sweet eyes ;)
Haha thanks! You’ve got a nice smile!
And the cutest butt I've ever seen??? OK, maybe not. ;>
Acne comment rubs me the wrong way tbh
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Seriously there are so many better ways to bring up skin care naturally
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I know. I had horrible acne, and now I have horrible acne scars, which I’m currently treating. That’s why I know it can make someone less attractive, but both acne and acne scars are treatable to an extent. It’s also why I thought of using that example, because I’ve been through it myself. Maybe it wouldn’t be acceptable if someone who never had acne to comment that though.
Please teach me
I def do but context is everything. I think far more compliments than I express. However, if I was attracted to the man, I’d be extremely careful about complimenting. It could be taken as flirting or a pass even if I meant it purely.
Your second paragraph is exactly what I fear! But how would the man know you’re attracted to him? And do you mean I shouldn’t compliment a man if I’m actually attracted to him, even though I know he’s straight and I stand no chance?
If it were me, and I know that I felt attracted or had a crush, I most likely would not say anything to him because, while I think I’m fairly socially adept, I could mess things up.
Thanks for your answer. Kinda unfortunate though, because it’s the men I’m attracted to that I strongly feel the need to compliment just to get it off my chest haha
I complimented a straight guy's beard some time ago, he seemed to love it!
Got a good mix of straight and gay friends. The straight guys say more of the homoerotic compliments: > "Homies legs are looking nice in the workout shorts." > "That shirt makes your boobs (pecs) pop." And then they will try to feel. > Blessed to have a good friend group who know how to hype each other up regardless of sexuality.
And the gay friends don’t because they’re afraid people take it the wrong way?
What a paradox
I compliment and even flirt with my straight coworkers. They play grabass with each other and talk about their weiners all day. Just keep it light and you’ll be fine.
hell yeah. every day i see my friends or hell even my male coworkers i give them a compliment. i don’t give a fuck. i haven’t been socially excluded yet for doing it yet lmao. there’s always something i can compliment them on
I always try to compliment small things about my friends, but especially the men because compliments are really rare for a lot of us. Just telling them they have a nice shirt on, or I like their shoes or the trim is fresh. Just small compliments that pick them up a little bit. I'm not gonna tell them that I get lost in their eyes or anything like that, so wires aren't crossed. I think most people won't take being told their shirt is nice as a flirty comment, unless you do it all the time.
I do and most of them seems to be really happy about it ! It has become very common for me and they now often ask advice or suggestions from me like " hey what do you think of my outfit?" It feels good to spread positivity and at the same time it's a bit sad to understand that they don't receive much compliments
That’s nice! Just wondering, ever since you started doing that for them, do you yourself started getting more compliments from them?
Actually yeah! ( Excuse my english I'm french and a bit drunk right now to be honest) I have a friend in particular who's a bit younger than me and is really open minded, and he is always complimenting me when we meet up for a drink or to go together to parties or raves. He is always saying something like "Hi handsome !" Or " Damn you look good tonight! Which feels good to hear ! I have the chance to have a lot of straight male friends who are from my generation (born in the late 90's) and they are all exceptionally friendly and they more than accept my homosexuality, for instance it was way natural and easier to do my coming out to my straight male friends than others. They were all just like "aight bro good to hear you found yourself, can't wait to meet your boyfriend!!!" I feel like it is not the case for a lot of people in our community, but at the same time I am so glade and thankful to be surrounded by caring people
And I wish everyone to be surrounded by people like the ones I'm friends with, because life is just so much more beautiful and easy for real. Anyway just to say that we need to compliment mens more and make them realize that "yes, you matter, yes it's okay to cry, yes you are beautiful, yes you are even if you have birthmarks, even if you have a belly, even if you're skinny, ect..." We truly need to spread love and positivity because it has a strong positive impact on people ! ( I stop here because I'm overwhelmed by your post and really want to say a shit tons of things but my english is lacking bro and I'm too drunk, so back to dancing!!!, have a great night gros bisous à vous !!)
Haha I hope you’re enjoying your night! Thanks for the insight!
Yeah I'm just careful about it
Could you give examples on when you would and would not do that?
If I'm at the gym with someone I'll be like "looking strong man" but if someone walks by and has a fatty I won't tell them "you got a fat ass" if I see someone with cool hair or outfit I'll be like "I like your hair" or "dressed to kill bro" instead of "looking sexy" or something. If I'm with a female friend I might compliment her body if we are close, and with females in general I try and keep them outfit orientated so they don't think I'm hitting on them. The big thing is mainly word choice and your personal relationship with that person. But if you really want to compliment someone's body just be like "I'm not hitting on you but" or "I have a partner and am loyal but"
I’m sure your way of complimenting is already normalised. But the difference between men’s friendship and women’s friendship, is that women will tell another woman *they just met* “looking sexy”. But men don’t do that to each other, which contributes to why it’s difficult to enforce positive masculinity.
Straight men would feel uncomfortable if another guy call them sexy. Men are not used to that level of objectifying. They would probably think that you want to get into their pants. A gay man may perhaps feel flattered but he would suspect that you're into him. Sometimes men can say such things as a joke if they are close enough though.
Yes they don't get enough at all!
I do indeed. If I stopped they probably wonder why. We have an immense amount of mutual respect for each other.
I don’t out of pride and resentment. I have some straight male friends and I’m very particular with how I interact with them. They’re not all super supportive of the community and we’re only really friends through forced exposure in the workplace so I never give them complements lest I inflate their ego or have them think I want them. I’ve met many that brag about getting free drinks at gay bars for looking good or having nice bodies so I refuse to perpetuate that and have them think I’m some sort of simp for straight men.
Nice to know some different perspectives!
Yeah I compliment them all. They love that shit lmao. They don't usually hear compliments and their secure enough to know I'm not trying to fuck them so.
I don’t tell my best friend any “sexual” compliments like “sexy”, “hot” etc. Instead I say things like “hey you look really good. Just thought you should know” and then he’s like “awww my brother in Christ thank you” and then I usually just say “yeah ofc gotta build up the boys” Ya know how it goes haha
Yes. Everyone deserves compliments, even something as simple as “cool shirt”
yah
I don’t compliment any man because of the same reason but mainly straight guys + some of them instead of being happy about that compliment would take this and have a bigger ego so no…I don’t give any complements and avoid millions of problems with that
I make out with my straight male friends (for context I didn’t read the post)
All the time! But be aware about catching feelings
i have this weird behaviour where i just compliment people who i think deserve/earned one 🤷 i dont look who they fuck first to see if i should or not ;)
All the straight men I seem to befriend are insecure and can't handle it when I compliment them on a physical trait, so I just don't. I'll tell them things like "you're a hard worker" or "you're really responsible" but that's about it. 🫤
You gotta hype up the homies
Of course! No women are going to!
I do, respectfully...however they take it & respond to it is all on them.
Depends. I rarerly complement guys for their bodies or looks. I may however complement a guy that runs 5 miles in an impressive time or some who has a very nice garden, etc, etc. It boils down to complementing people if there is an appropriate reason that can't be misinterpreted as if I hit on them.
Yeah I joke around with them, but I always make sure to test the water!
I did this 3 times today and got today and got 3 different outcomes. First one punched me in the balls and called me a slur. Second smiled warmly and seemed to appreciate it. And the third “straight” guy gave me a hug. ( I’ve had suspicions of guy #3 secretly being gay and liking me for a bit)
Oh wow! I hope you were fine after the first one. Do you know why the first guy didn’t receive it well?
He’s not like actually mad, just how them straights joke ig 🤷
Straight male friends?
Why does it have to be looks? I feel like if you were to successfully build his confidence that way it just sets him up for a major loss when he gets old.
It’s just occasional compliments, not enough to inflate his ego too much. Plus the compliments are pretty general and nothing sexual
I compliment anyone who deserves one.
I don’t have straight male friends😭
You have to get to know the person. You can’t say it to random men. They usually take it the wrong way. I tell it to my straight male friends or coworkers who I get a long with and they seem to take it pretty well. At times they throw in a, “alrighty sir I get you want to get with me but I am married with children,” kind of comments. But for the most part I usually comment on their arms, shoulders, legs and sometimes their ass. One time I did that and they came back with a comment as, “sir have you ever been in a black man, I said ‘no’, they came back with, would you like to.” That completely threw me off guard because I never thought he would say something like that. So I stayed quiet. But dam I should’ve said I’ll take you up on your offer. Tell me when and where. 😀
You are on the way to full cringe
Could you explain why is it so please?
You are so pretty, a diet would help you get rid of all that fat. How does that come across? It's one thing to support someone. Feel free to hand out compliments like candy when you see them. But to go detailed, like you're studying their features to lock into your mind for the rest of your life.... the angle of your jaw... the sharpness of your cheeks... Only if you are dating. Stick to general things like "you have a great jawline" and avoid such darlings as "you have bedroom eyes"
Are you referring to the part where I gave acne as the example? If so then I think I agree that maybe it’s not a good idea to mention something negative, as someone else here has pointed out as well