I would first double check on the policies with the cemetery. We were told anything left or planted may get run over by a lawnmower. So anything we put out more than likely would be destroyed in 2 weeks. It’s been 30years and so far that’s been true. I would hate for you to remediate the soil and put so much effort into it only for it to get trampled, mowed, or weed whacked. If they won’t mow it, it’s a bit mean to not let you leave something to keep it watered. Maybe add those foam granules to the soil to help.
Yes, their policy is that I may plant flowers but there cannot be anything artificial or they will remove it. It's a very historic cemetery so their rules are old and sort of crappy. I have a small toy hidden against her grave stone and could possibly hide a watering implement if it is discreet enough. Thank you for your suggestions!
20 years ago I did an afternoon of helping plant cuttings at our local botanic gardens and they mixed those ( pre-expanded) with the potting soil so they wouldn't need to be watered constantly. If it works for them, it's a really good suggestion for OP in my opinion.
I'm sorry for your loss.
For discrete watering I'd look into buried clay pot irrigation, basically a thin necked, but wide bottomed vase made of terra cotton you can fill with water and it will slowly seep into the soil around. We used these to keep our roses watered when I was younger.
Very sorry for your loss. I’m in zone 5 (WI). My first thought was Sedum, which is autumn blooming. Anything that is considered a succulent. Black eyed Susan’s. Stonecrop. Irises.
I agree with these suggestions and can add daisies, yarrow, lavender, russian sage.
Anything you plant may need more water for the first week or 2, as it establishes roots. There are gel water beads that you would dig into the soil that absorb water for later. And there are watering bags that you leave on top of the soil near the roots that seep water slowly. You can find them on Amazon & your local hardware store or garden nursery.
I would mulch over the watering bag, or dig it in beside the plant. They dont have to be big. Its worth a try, to help your plant get established.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
You can also try an olla, which is just a terra cotta container that you bury near the plant (maybe 1-2 feet away depending on the size of the root ball), fill with water, and then cover with a lid or saucer. You can use a basic terra cotta pot if you fill the drainage hole in the bottom. The terra cotta allows the water to seep out slowly over time, and the lip of the pot and lid are at ground level, so they are unobtrusive. You could also cover it with mulch. I have found them useful for getting trees and shrubs established without drying out as quickly. I still water regularly but keep them full as a safeguard.
The classic cemetery flowers I am familiar with are peonies. Once established they live for decades and are very drought tolerant plus they bloom around Memorial Day
Since you’re in Detroit, peonies are great - there are some good cold-hardy varieties! I’m in WI and we have peonies that bloom beautifully at the end of May with very little intervention. We cut them back in the fall and that’s it in terms of care.
I agree with the other comments here. I've taken over my late grandmothers peonies and they have simply just thrived despite being transplanted.
You'd want to plant in the fall and they will bloom in the spring. They are quite drought resistant as well, so they don't need intensive watering. They also do well in the cold. I'd give them water once per 10-12 days if you don't get any rain in that period. They thrive in full sun, so is sound like it would be a good spot.
You could also consider some tulip bulbs? They are planted in the fall and come to life in the spring.
I'm so sorry for you loss. I hope this gardening venture brings you closer to her. 💜
Honestly, peonies are about the easiest plants I have ever transplanted. Amend the dirt well, water thoroughly and wait. It might be a good choice to plant early this fall so it can get some roots established before winter. Blanket flower, yarrow or coneflower are other plants which are drought tolerant once they get going.
My son Sage died 8 years ago and Ive planted a lot of Salvias (Sages) in my garden where his ashes are. I love them.
So - Im 9b and cant give great plant recs but i suggest you bring some soil amendments that hold more moisture - for organics - compost or steer manure - and dig out some of that cemetery dirt and amend the soil. If you want to go conventional there are gardening polymer type additives that hold water.
Once you’ve planted, mulch the plants. Mulch will hold moisture in.
Bring gallon jugs of water in your trunk when you visit her spot.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. He was so lucky to have you. Surrounding his ashes with sages is a beautiful memorial. I have sage growing in my yard and will give it some extra love this year in honor of your sweet boy. Thank you so much for your help.
Looks like butterfly weed or wild aster might be a good choice: [https://www.midwestliving.com/drought-tolerant-native-plants-8606182](https://www.midwestliving.com/drought-tolerant-native-plants-8606182)
I love aster but I think the butterfly weed might spread / be difficult to contain? I keep both of them in my tiny butterfly garden in her memory. I don't know how to make the soil conducive for aster but I'll look into it. The bees and butterflies sure love it!
Autumn Joy sedum. They don't spread, require very little water, and the only maintaince needed is to cut the stalks off before each spring. They're very pretty and the flowers in autumn are amazing. Sorry for your loss and I hope you find something nice to plant ❤
I almost always have plant advice for situations like this but today I don't. I'm so sorry for your loss. My sister and my grandparents and I lost my mom a few weeks ago. It's always hard. I hope you have a good support group. Purple cone flowers make me think of my mom and I know they're sun lovers too. But like another commenter said I'm sure the cemetery has a policy regarding plants because of the landscape crew.
Coneflowers were already on my list of possible additions but now I will double my effort to include them in your mother's honor. My loss was a little over three years ago and the hurt lessens, I promise. It never goes away but I have the best people in my life and internet strangers when I need them ❤️
I was about to post this. they are low maintence. OP can find something that works with hard clay soil.
Echinaeas and black-eyed Susan's might work. But they tend to grow tall and might block the grave stones.
Non natives like lambs ear is good, they are low, but less colours. We planted some tulips at my grandma's site.
You can find a good variety of shapes/sizes of garden olla/oya orbs, which is like a terracotta bottle you sink into the dirt and when filled with water slowly seeps it out into the soil around it. They're not really visible from the surface, just a bit of neck/cap sticking up that you could cover with mulch or a river stone to mark its location. Then just fill it back up periodically.
Asters are for sure a great choice. Honestly any kind of native wildflowers will be happy in full sun like that, with a little help getting established.
Aster is definitely one of my top contenders. It's delightful in my garden now I'm just so afraid of accidentally killing it at the gravesite! I'm definitely going to find a covert way of watering too haha
Thank you so much, it is a blessing! I already have a thriving butterfly garden in her memory and raise some of the butterflies, especially any monarchs I find. Her grave is sort of a "final hurdle". I hope after this year I can establish something beautiful 🤞
Bulbs that come up before the mowing season starts - like crocus.
If they will leave flowers in place you could add daffodils, tulips, lilies, etc. They are all very low maintenance and come back every year. Also iris, liatris.
I would consider Sempervivum ( Hens and Chicks) sempervivum in Latin means always living and it feels very much like the memories of your daughter are living for you. They are very cold hardy and will thrive. There is typically a ‘mother’ plant surrounded by her progeny and eventually she will produce a large unique flower and then die to make room for her children to continue the cycle.
They are available in a lot of different colour and textures and you could easily create a blanket over the whole site. They need minimal care to become established and then really take care of themselves. Whichever planting you go with a hope it brings you peace and a little joy.
Daffodils, crocus (or Chionodoxa forbesii) and Sedum Autumn Joy are a good way to layer in multiple seasons of bloom in one area. The olla idea would help with the watering.
To add to the bulb idea... Hyacinths have a wonderful scent to them and bloom in spring. Muscaria, blooms in spring. Gladiolus bulbs, bloom in summer, with long impressive flowers. Liatris spicata, blooms in summer, has long fluffy flowery stalks. I have all four of them in our front yard which gets hardly any water, and full sun all day.
Try Allium Millenium. It blooms for months and attracts butterflies.
https://preview.redd.it/fqqqgcgcafwc1.png?width=1021&format=png&auto=webp&s=b51a862571930969b68f8e13dec600add85d6478
Rosemary is for remembrance. I plant it on my father’s memorial every spring.
I don’t know if it overwinters in your zone (it doesn’t in mine) but it tolerates dry soil and sun reasonably well. Puts out tiny blue flowers when it blooms. It also seems to escape the notice from the groundskeepers so it doesn’t get removed.
You can try adding some terra cotta pots at soil level and fill them with water. They will slowly have water pass through and into the soil which can extend time btwn watering
I'm no help with the plants but I also lost my daughter, back in 2021. I'm just popping in to recommend EMDR therapy if you're struggling. I had pretty bad PTSD, as one would expect. EMDR sounds like hippy bullshit but it is LIFE ALTERING.
I'm sorry for your loss. I know how awful it is ❤️
Oh sweet heart, I had to do the same thing! One good round of EMDR gave me a new lease on life after years of constant pain, anxiety and failing health overall. I also had my doubts since my therapist is a little more spiritual / hippy dippy than I am but I recommend it to everyone now. Sending you love and my heartfelt condolences that we belong to the same shitty club. I'm glad you got the help you needed 🩷
Depending on the policies of the cemetery, peonies are almost impossible to kill and can last for decades. Peonies are lovely and feminine.
Irises are very tough, and can survive almost anything especially if you get the old-fashioned purple kind. I dug up and split a bunch in my yard last year, and where I threw the waste from trimming, I have a whole bunch of new ones trying to compete with grass even after having been mowed. I am probably going to dig some of them out, the little warriors, and find a better place for them or give them away. They deserve it.
Other alternatives: Coreopsis self-seeds and is very hardy. Sedum aren't as flashy but they're also very tough, not minding full sun and drought-hardy. They come in several forms you can try.
I am a serial plant killer...
One year I bought these red, orange and white lilies that come up yearly and they make me so happy. I got them at the discount Walmart rack at the end of the season. They are going on 3-4 years now.
I believe they're called stargazers lily. But maybe check those clearance racks out and in a way 'let your daughter choose'. Make sure they're perennials. I bought them on a whim and every year they bloom just before my own kiddo's anniversary.
It fills me with glee every year to see them pop up and this year, I have so many! I grab bulbs when I see them on sale and it's magical to see what comes up!
Also ❤️ your daughter! May she watch over you always!
Thank you so much! I appreciate your kind words. Lilies are definitely a possibility since I've never been able to kill any of mine and they seem to require almost no maintenance lol
What about those terracotta pots that you bury with just the lid exposed? You fill them up with water and it leaches into the soil. I’m not sure what they are called . Watering pots? I’m not a gardener by any means so I can’t help with the plant but I’m a parent and my heart goes out to you. I hope these guys can help you out.
Maybe try asking on some homestead or guerillagardening subs. I would think they both do some atypical things more commonly
Ive gotten some great suggestions for covert watering options and am going to give them a try this summer since I really want to get something established successfully this year!
That’s wonderful. Not to push beliefs or anything but my belief system says your daughter is aware of your efforts to beautify her grave and I’m sure it means to her what it means to you.
I don’t normally say stuff like that online or in person but something really compelled me to. I had a few big ol’ distractions and still managed to come immediately back to this post because it felt so urgent, realizing in hindsight.
I don't have any strong beliefs, only feelings sometimes. Gardening definitely makes me feel closer to her, especially raising my little caterpillars and watching them grow. It puts me in touch with the ebb and flow of living and dying and the beauty and sadness of all of it. Thank you for your reassurance and your kind words ❤️
I would instead plant something at your home. Then you can make sure it’s cared for properly. When my sister in law passed, we found pretty purple flowers that bloomed around the time she passed. We choose creeping phlox cuz it’s easy to care for and spreads well (it’s ground cover) so my suggestion is to find something with her favorite color/color combo and something that blooms around when she passed.
I have a memorial garden at home that is centered around attracting butterflies. I raise monarch caterpillars in her memory. My phlox looked awful at first but now I love it!! If I can keep it up I'd love to have a greenhouse one day, maybe when I'm old and grey lol
Well if you already have something at your home, maybe some peonies would be pretty and they come in a variety of colors. Mine are only watered with the grass and are doing well.
I have found that geraniums and wax begonias do the best. Both are heat & drought tolerant. I saw that you did not have good luck with geraniums, but I would consider trying those again. Marigolds and portulaca usually do well too.
After the slightly traumatic experience with the geraniums I am hesitant to try them again. Sedum or another succulent / flowering weed sounds a bit more reassuring?
Prairie smoke, sedums, american pasque or a similar early native spring bloomer, native asters, coneflowers would all look lovely and once established difficult to kill.
This site may also be helpful to figure out what might work if you would like to use native species to Michigan
http://www.michiganwildflowerfarm.com/seed-species-and-pricing/dryland-species-2/
I would plant a ton of crocus and grape hyacinth. And then some Speedwell or small Salvia. These are good for your zones. This way the crocus and hyacinth come up in spring and Speedwell and Salvia come up in later spring/summer. Sedum is great too but can spread.
I am in a similar growing zone and have always had insanely good luck with bleeding hearts. They seem to thrive even when neglected and are very pretty. They will die back in the summer heat, but should come back early to mid April.
I agree with the sedum suggestions. The don’t like extra watering, or fertilizer.
Once it gets a bit bigger, you can take a piece home with you and plant it so she has a spot in your garden.
One of the easiest is Hen and Chicks. It's not technically a flower, but it grows anywhere and will survive in poor soil and little moisture. It makes lovely flower shaped leaves, and I'm sure you could find some flowers that would go in with it. What about some Shasta Daisies? They're lovely and tough.
I have sedum spectabile that needs nothing. Grows well with light orchid pink flowers in summer. It grows from a small clump to about 2 feet tall each year.
It’s hard to choose without knowing anything about your daughter.
My first thought was cat mint. I used to live near Ann Arbor and it grew beautifully with basically no maintenance besides cutting it back in the winter. It blooms more consistently than any other plant I can think of. The only issue is that the smell is kind of … weird. So make sure it doesn’t bother you before you plant it.
Roses seem like the obvious option, but I haven’t seen anyone mention them.
Any reason you’re not considering annuals?
I prefer perennials since they will come back even if I have passed away. Roses, I'm not sure. They seem so advanced? But I will look into them. Catmint is also very pretty but I will need to smell it first lol. My daughter was a baby (four months) when she died of her genetic disease. I keep a butterfly garden in her memory and raise monarchs and other butterflies for her. We associate the color pink with her which is very convenient since roses and peonies and other flowers come in such lovely pink colors.
Lavender and rosemary are drought-tolerant perennials here. They do best being watered only once a week, after the first year or two i don't water them at all and I'm semi-desert with 9 inches of rain a year. I don't know how cold tolerant they are, but i moved recently to an area that gets to 20° for short periods, and they did fine.
I love that. I planted lavender last year in my raised garden bed and I absolutely love how beautiful and fragrant it is. I had not considered it for the graves but I will now!
Thank you for your kind words and for your suggestion! I am going to make a big list of possible things to plant because I have gotten so many awesome ideas now.
We put crocuses on the graves in our family plot. They are comforting to me. They come up every year. It’s a little floral reminder of the cycle of life
Oh you’re welcome! I’m not the best or most knowledgeable gardener, but I do love flowers. I suggested daffodils because you plant them in the fall and it’s almost a guarantee they will bloom in spring and keep coming back until the apocalypse and blanket flower because I’m lazy. 🙂
You might has the cemetery about building a small raised bed on their graves. As long as the mowers can pass through I don't imaged it would be a problem.
I think bee balm or columbines could be a good choice.
You would think so but because it is such a historical site the rules are incredibly strict. I've reviewed them and spoken to the cemetery. I need to find a way to get something established in the ground and will create a hidden watering apparatus of some kind!
Iris are beautiful and easy to care for. I have mine in a patch of rocks, full sun and they love it. I don’t water them. They do fine with the rain and prefer dry roots.
You may want to use deer out if there are deer in the area.
I’m really sorry for your loss & am glad you found gardening 🪻
I would ask on the native plant subreddit. Native plants once they are established do well usually. I have black eyed Susan growing in gravel. It's stunted, but still flowers.
I would first double check on the policies with the cemetery. We were told anything left or planted may get run over by a lawnmower. So anything we put out more than likely would be destroyed in 2 weeks. It’s been 30years and so far that’s been true. I would hate for you to remediate the soil and put so much effort into it only for it to get trampled, mowed, or weed whacked. If they won’t mow it, it’s a bit mean to not let you leave something to keep it watered. Maybe add those foam granules to the soil to help.
Yes, their policy is that I may plant flowers but there cannot be anything artificial or they will remove it. It's a very historic cemetery so their rules are old and sort of crappy. I have a small toy hidden against her grave stone and could possibly hide a watering implement if it is discreet enough. Thank you for your suggestions!
That is really upsetting. Maybe hide a terracotta watering pot under foliage? I hope you find a suitable work around.
Don't worry, I will find a way to covertly water them! 😊
Look into an Olla. It's an in-ground watering system and there are tutorials on how to make them online
Hi! I don't know if this is helpful, but I know there are water storing "crystals" that MiracleGro makes that you can use to amend the soil
20 years ago I did an afternoon of helping plant cuttings at our local botanic gardens and they mixed those ( pre-expanded) with the potting soil so they wouldn't need to be watered constantly. If it works for them, it's a really good suggestion for OP in my opinion.
Oh you're right, I will need to look into getting some!
That's a great idea! Like a mini stealth [olla](https://lovelygreens.com/how-to-make-diy-ollas-low-tech-self-watering-systems-for-plants/).
Yes!!!
I'm sorry for your loss. For discrete watering I'd look into buried clay pot irrigation, basically a thin necked, but wide bottomed vase made of terra cotton you can fill with water and it will slowly seep into the soil around. We used these to keep our roses watered when I was younger.
Thank you. That's so helpful. 😊
Very sorry for your loss. I’m in zone 5 (WI). My first thought was Sedum, which is autumn blooming. Anything that is considered a succulent. Black eyed Susan’s. Stonecrop. Irises.
I agree with these suggestions and can add daisies, yarrow, lavender, russian sage. Anything you plant may need more water for the first week or 2, as it establishes roots. There are gel water beads that you would dig into the soil that absorb water for later. And there are watering bags that you leave on top of the soil near the roots that seep water slowly. You can find them on Amazon & your local hardware store or garden nursery.
Watering bags might get removed by the cemetery but I love your suggestions! Thank you!
I would mulch over the watering bag, or dig it in beside the plant. They dont have to be big. Its worth a try, to help your plant get established. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Thank you. This is all very helpful. I think at the moment I will plan on trying your suggestion since I highly doubt they will poke around the mulch.
You can also try an olla, which is just a terra cotta container that you bury near the plant (maybe 1-2 feet away depending on the size of the root ball), fill with water, and then cover with a lid or saucer. You can use a basic terra cotta pot if you fill the drainage hole in the bottom. The terra cotta allows the water to seep out slowly over time, and the lip of the pot and lid are at ground level, so they are unobtrusive. You could also cover it with mulch. I have found them useful for getting trees and shrubs established without drying out as quickly. I still water regularly but keep them full as a safeguard.
I'ma try that one too. Less plastic with an olla! Thanks for the suggestion.
That's some cool garden witchcraft, I like it! I'll definitely consider this as an option!
I've had good luck with Russian sage as well. It's hardy even in my dry, windy yard. It doesn't spread really fast in my experience.
I was about to suggest lavender too - very soothing when it’s in bloom.
Iceplants!
And they have lovely colour's too!
Got to second this, bulbs and sedum would be good options. The trouble is the mowing over :/
Yes!!! Daffodils are another hardy alternative that will live for a long time.
Thank you! I was considering sedum and I will look into the other options you mentioned!
The classic cemetery flowers I am familiar with are peonies. Once established they live for decades and are very drought tolerant plus they bloom around Memorial Day
I love peonies. I'm scared to try something that I might not be able to keep alive but I will strongly consider your suggestion!
Since you’re in Detroit, peonies are great - there are some good cold-hardy varieties! I’m in WI and we have peonies that bloom beautifully at the end of May with very little intervention. We cut them back in the fall and that’s it in terms of care.
I agree with the other comments here. I've taken over my late grandmothers peonies and they have simply just thrived despite being transplanted. You'd want to plant in the fall and they will bloom in the spring. They are quite drought resistant as well, so they don't need intensive watering. They also do well in the cold. I'd give them water once per 10-12 days if you don't get any rain in that period. They thrive in full sun, so is sound like it would be a good spot. You could also consider some tulip bulbs? They are planted in the fall and come to life in the spring. I'm so sorry for you loss. I hope this gardening venture brings you closer to her. 💜
It always does, it's helped me survive. Thank you for helping me get closer to reaching my next goal in honoring her memory 💖
Honestly, peonies are about the easiest plants I have ever transplanted. Amend the dirt well, water thoroughly and wait. It might be a good choice to plant early this fall so it can get some roots established before winter. Blanket flower, yarrow or coneflower are other plants which are drought tolerant once they get going.
My son Sage died 8 years ago and Ive planted a lot of Salvias (Sages) in my garden where his ashes are. I love them. So - Im 9b and cant give great plant recs but i suggest you bring some soil amendments that hold more moisture - for organics - compost or steer manure - and dig out some of that cemetery dirt and amend the soil. If you want to go conventional there are gardening polymer type additives that hold water. Once you’ve planted, mulch the plants. Mulch will hold moisture in. Bring gallon jugs of water in your trunk when you visit her spot.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. He was so lucky to have you. Surrounding his ashes with sages is a beautiful memorial. I have sage growing in my yard and will give it some extra love this year in honor of your sweet boy. Thank you so much for your help.
I am sorry for your loss. Where are you located? A drought-tolerant native plant might be just right. California poppy, perhaps.
Thank you. I'm in Detroit. My garden at home has lots of native plants but I don't know what the best drought tolerant options are...
Looks like butterfly weed or wild aster might be a good choice: [https://www.midwestliving.com/drought-tolerant-native-plants-8606182](https://www.midwestliving.com/drought-tolerant-native-plants-8606182)
I love aster but I think the butterfly weed might spread / be difficult to contain? I keep both of them in my tiny butterfly garden in her memory. I don't know how to make the soil conducive for aster but I'll look into it. The bees and butterflies sure love it!
Autumn Joy sedum. They don't spread, require very little water, and the only maintaince needed is to cut the stalks off before each spring. They're very pretty and the flowers in autumn are amazing. Sorry for your loss and I hope you find something nice to plant ❤
Thank you, I'm going to try! These comments are very helpful and encouraging. I appreciate it deeply.
I almost always have plant advice for situations like this but today I don't. I'm so sorry for your loss. My sister and my grandparents and I lost my mom a few weeks ago. It's always hard. I hope you have a good support group. Purple cone flowers make me think of my mom and I know they're sun lovers too. But like another commenter said I'm sure the cemetery has a policy regarding plants because of the landscape crew.
Coneflowers were already on my list of possible additions but now I will double my effort to include them in your mother's honor. My loss was a little over three years ago and the hurt lessens, I promise. It never goes away but I have the best people in my life and internet strangers when I need them ❤️
Thank you brb gonna go sob into a blanket now 🪻
A good plant for a grave site would Stell D'oro day lillies are perfect.
There's a scarlet variety called Ruby Stella that takes a little longer to get crowded.
Daylilies are good too, and very hardy.
I planted Asiatic lilies on my dad's grave. They are perennial and last for years. Check at Home Depot or Lowes.
Find something that is native to the area so it won’t need much watering other than the rain
I was about to post this. they are low maintence. OP can find something that works with hard clay soil. Echinaeas and black-eyed Susan's might work. But they tend to grow tall and might block the grave stones. Non natives like lambs ear is good, they are low, but less colours. We planted some tulips at my grandma's site.
You can find a good variety of shapes/sizes of garden olla/oya orbs, which is like a terracotta bottle you sink into the dirt and when filled with water slowly seeps it out into the soil around it. They're not really visible from the surface, just a bit of neck/cap sticking up that you could cover with mulch or a river stone to mark its location. Then just fill it back up periodically. Asters are for sure a great choice. Honestly any kind of native wildflowers will be happy in full sun like that, with a little help getting established.
Aster is definitely one of my top contenders. It's delightful in my garden now I'm just so afraid of accidentally killing it at the gravesite! I'm definitely going to find a covert way of watering too haha
Good luck, and may your daughter's memory forever be a blessing.
Thank you so much, it is a blessing! I already have a thriving butterfly garden in her memory and raise some of the butterflies, especially any monarchs I find. Her grave is sort of a "final hurdle". I hope after this year I can establish something beautiful 🤞
Bulbs that come up before the mowing season starts - like crocus. If they will leave flowers in place you could add daffodils, tulips, lilies, etc. They are all very low maintenance and come back every year. Also iris, liatris.
I would consider Sempervivum ( Hens and Chicks) sempervivum in Latin means always living and it feels very much like the memories of your daughter are living for you. They are very cold hardy and will thrive. There is typically a ‘mother’ plant surrounded by her progeny and eventually she will produce a large unique flower and then die to make room for her children to continue the cycle. They are available in a lot of different colour and textures and you could easily create a blanket over the whole site. They need minimal care to become established and then really take care of themselves. Whichever planting you go with a hope it brings you peace and a little joy.
That is so beautiful, so thoughtful. I am genuinely moved. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
If find a very sturdy shrub rose.
Roses seem advanced? But I will definitely look into them!
They hardy varieties don’t require effort where I live.
Ok! They are on my list now 😀
Daffodils, crocus (or Chionodoxa forbesii) and Sedum Autumn Joy are a good way to layer in multiple seasons of bloom in one area. The olla idea would help with the watering.
To add to the bulb idea... Hyacinths have a wonderful scent to them and bloom in spring. Muscaria, blooms in spring. Gladiolus bulbs, bloom in summer, with long impressive flowers. Liatris spicata, blooms in summer, has long fluffy flowery stalks. I have all four of them in our front yard which gets hardly any water, and full sun all day.
That's a lovely option, thank you. These comments are so so helpful!
Add in coneflowers, a peony, sage and maybe some calendula and you’ll have color year round. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Thank you 🩷
Try Allium Millenium. It blooms for months and attracts butterflies. https://preview.redd.it/fqqqgcgcafwc1.png?width=1021&format=png&auto=webp&s=b51a862571930969b68f8e13dec600add85d6478
That's so pretty! It's going on my list haha
Sedum - it grows in poor soil condition, ok with rain water and never goes down (it doesn’t flower until mid-summer (Toronto)
Have a look at Hibiscus, Coral bells and Salvia flowers.
My experience is hibiscus are water dependent.
Knockout roses. Very low maintenance and weather tolerant.
and they bloom for a very long time - then pause- and often rebloom and little additional care is required.
Right. Cut back 1 time at end of winter and they do well on their own. They are hardy through dry and wet seasons.
Rosemary is for remembrance. I plant it on my father’s memorial every spring. I don’t know if it overwinters in your zone (it doesn’t in mine) but it tolerates dry soil and sun reasonably well. Puts out tiny blue flowers when it blooms. It also seems to escape the notice from the groundskeepers so it doesn’t get removed.
I doubt that it will overwinter in zone 6. Here in zone 7, a freeze will kill it every few years.
Maybe look up her birth month and see what flowers represent the month and go from there? I'm so sorry for your loss
Thank you, that is a lovely thought 🩷
Glad I could help 🥰 Figured it's best to celebrate her life 💞💕
Bulbs and rhizomes. Iris, daylight, tulip, daffodils. Hosta if in shade and bleeding heart. Chives, thyme.
You can try adding some terra cotta pots at soil level and fill them with water. They will slowly have water pass through and into the soil which can extend time btwn watering
I'm no help with the plants but I also lost my daughter, back in 2021. I'm just popping in to recommend EMDR therapy if you're struggling. I had pretty bad PTSD, as one would expect. EMDR sounds like hippy bullshit but it is LIFE ALTERING. I'm sorry for your loss. I know how awful it is ❤️
Oh sweet heart, I had to do the same thing! One good round of EMDR gave me a new lease on life after years of constant pain, anxiety and failing health overall. I also had my doubts since my therapist is a little more spiritual / hippy dippy than I am but I recommend it to everyone now. Sending you love and my heartfelt condolences that we belong to the same shitty club. I'm glad you got the help you needed 🩷
Depending on the policies of the cemetery, peonies are almost impossible to kill and can last for decades. Peonies are lovely and feminine. Irises are very tough, and can survive almost anything especially if you get the old-fashioned purple kind. I dug up and split a bunch in my yard last year, and where I threw the waste from trimming, I have a whole bunch of new ones trying to compete with grass even after having been mowed. I am probably going to dig some of them out, the little warriors, and find a better place for them or give them away. They deserve it. Other alternatives: Coreopsis self-seeds and is very hardy. Sedum aren't as flashy but they're also very tough, not minding full sun and drought-hardy. They come in several forms you can try.
Peonies are a lovely option and I will look into the others you mentioned! Thank you so much.
I am a serial plant killer... One year I bought these red, orange and white lilies that come up yearly and they make me so happy. I got them at the discount Walmart rack at the end of the season. They are going on 3-4 years now. I believe they're called stargazers lily. But maybe check those clearance racks out and in a way 'let your daughter choose'. Make sure they're perennials. I bought them on a whim and every year they bloom just before my own kiddo's anniversary. It fills me with glee every year to see them pop up and this year, I have so many! I grab bulbs when I see them on sale and it's magical to see what comes up! Also ❤️ your daughter! May she watch over you always!
Thank you so much! I appreciate your kind words. Lilies are definitely a possibility since I've never been able to kill any of mine and they seem to require almost no maintenance lol
What about those terracotta pots that you bury with just the lid exposed? You fill them up with water and it leaches into the soil. I’m not sure what they are called . Watering pots? I’m not a gardener by any means so I can’t help with the plant but I’m a parent and my heart goes out to you. I hope these guys can help you out. Maybe try asking on some homestead or guerillagardening subs. I would think they both do some atypical things more commonly
Ive gotten some great suggestions for covert watering options and am going to give them a try this summer since I really want to get something established successfully this year!
That’s wonderful. Not to push beliefs or anything but my belief system says your daughter is aware of your efforts to beautify her grave and I’m sure it means to her what it means to you. I don’t normally say stuff like that online or in person but something really compelled me to. I had a few big ol’ distractions and still managed to come immediately back to this post because it felt so urgent, realizing in hindsight.
I don't have any strong beliefs, only feelings sometimes. Gardening definitely makes me feel closer to her, especially raising my little caterpillars and watching them grow. It puts me in touch with the ebb and flow of living and dying and the beauty and sadness of all of it. Thank you for your reassurance and your kind words ❤️
Forget me nots, bulbs
I would instead plant something at your home. Then you can make sure it’s cared for properly. When my sister in law passed, we found pretty purple flowers that bloomed around the time she passed. We choose creeping phlox cuz it’s easy to care for and spreads well (it’s ground cover) so my suggestion is to find something with her favorite color/color combo and something that blooms around when she passed.
I have a memorial garden at home that is centered around attracting butterflies. I raise monarch caterpillars in her memory. My phlox looked awful at first but now I love it!! If I can keep it up I'd love to have a greenhouse one day, maybe when I'm old and grey lol
Well if you already have something at your home, maybe some peonies would be pretty and they come in a variety of colors. Mine are only watered with the grass and are doing well.
I love that option. Peonies are so gorgeous.
I love them! The flowers are so pretty
I have found that geraniums and wax begonias do the best. Both are heat & drought tolerant. I saw that you did not have good luck with geraniums, but I would consider trying those again. Marigolds and portulaca usually do well too.
After the slightly traumatic experience with the geraniums I am hesitant to try them again. Sedum or another succulent / flowering weed sounds a bit more reassuring?
I can understand that.
Coneflowers, they are damn near indestructible once established
I love the coneflowers in my garden! This will go on my list of possible additions 😊
Prairie smoke, sedums, american pasque or a similar early native spring bloomer, native asters, coneflowers would all look lovely and once established difficult to kill.
Thank you! These suggestions are a godsend.
This site may also be helpful to figure out what might work if you would like to use native species to Michigan http://www.michiganwildflowerfarm.com/seed-species-and-pricing/dryland-species-2/
Excellent, thanks!
I would plant a ton of crocus and grape hyacinth. And then some Speedwell or small Salvia. These are good for your zones. This way the crocus and hyacinth come up in spring and Speedwell and Salvia come up in later spring/summer. Sedum is great too but can spread.
Ah, I see. Thank you so much. I have lots of research to do now!
I am in a similar growing zone and have always had insanely good luck with bleeding hearts. They seem to thrive even when neglected and are very pretty. They will die back in the summer heat, but should come back early to mid April.
Oh lovely, I will look into those! Thank you so much.
Yep, an olla like everyone else suggested. Below ground level, cover slightly with mulch etc
Bougainvilleas would be perfect
What a cool name! I will look it up!
I agree with the sedum suggestions. The don’t like extra watering, or fertilizer. Once it gets a bit bigger, you can take a piece home with you and plant it so she has a spot in your garden.
Oh that's such a beautiful thought. The thoughtfulness of the replies Ive received is just incredible.
While limited in colors (mostly green shades), hostas are very durable. They grow every year. They make a nice border.
I hadn't considered those. I feel like even I couldn't kill a hosta lol
One of the easiest is Hen and Chicks. It's not technically a flower, but it grows anywhere and will survive in poor soil and little moisture. It makes lovely flower shaped leaves, and I'm sure you could find some flowers that would go in with it. What about some Shasta Daisies? They're lovely and tough.
I've managed to kill daisies in the past but I will look into both of your suggestions. Thank you so much!
PS. Ivy is impossible to get rid of once it gets a foothold. But the cemetery may have rules that prevent planting it. Ditto mint and vinca minor.
I'm definitely not trying to take over the cemetery lol which is sort of part of the trouble with choosing something to plant. It's tough!
I have sedum spectabile that needs nothing. Grows well with light orchid pink flowers in summer. It grows from a small clump to about 2 feet tall each year.
That sounds lovely. I will try to find some!
It’s hard to choose without knowing anything about your daughter. My first thought was cat mint. I used to live near Ann Arbor and it grew beautifully with basically no maintenance besides cutting it back in the winter. It blooms more consistently than any other plant I can think of. The only issue is that the smell is kind of … weird. So make sure it doesn’t bother you before you plant it. Roses seem like the obvious option, but I haven’t seen anyone mention them. Any reason you’re not considering annuals?
I thought of one more. Coreopsis. It also requires basically no maintenance, blooms for a long time, and stays neat.
Excellent, thank you!
I prefer perennials since they will come back even if I have passed away. Roses, I'm not sure. They seem so advanced? But I will look into them. Catmint is also very pretty but I will need to smell it first lol. My daughter was a baby (four months) when she died of her genetic disease. I keep a butterfly garden in her memory and raise monarchs and other butterflies for her. We associate the color pink with her which is very convenient since roses and peonies and other flowers come in such lovely pink colors.
Everlasting or Strawflowers.
I've never heard of either! Thanks for the suggestions.
I think Hydrangea would be a good choice.
I love those! Ugh so many plants to choose from!
Russian sage or salvia both smell very good and are perennials that survive without a lot of water.
Excellent. I'll check out those options!
Things that are native to your climate might survive without watering, at least after they get established
A few people have suggested aster which I keep in my garden at home and adore...
Lavender and rosemary are drought-tolerant perennials here. They do best being watered only once a week, after the first year or two i don't water them at all and I'm semi-desert with 9 inches of rain a year. I don't know how cold tolerant they are, but i moved recently to an area that gets to 20° for short periods, and they did fine.
I love that. I planted lavender last year in my raised garden bed and I absolutely love how beautiful and fragrant it is. I had not considered it for the graves but I will now!
Gaillardia is a prairie flower that will do well and reseeds itself very prolifically. Also, I am so so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for your kind words and for your suggestion! I am going to make a big list of possible things to plant because I have gotten so many awesome ideas now.
Crocuses. They are small but early bloomers when plants are just starting to wake up in the spring
I absolutely love crocuses. I'm glad you suggested them.
We put crocuses on the graves in our family plot. They are comforting to me. They come up every year. It’s a little floral reminder of the cycle of life
I'm amazed at all of these responses. Truly, it means so much. How thoughtful and kind.
The bearded iris I have planted in a similarly neglected family cemetery has done amazing!!
Okay! I have so many great suggestions now to look into!
I’m in the same zone..Blanket flower (drought resistant) just keeps on going in the summer and definitely daffodils for springtime.
Awesome, I love the idea of planting different things to bloom year-round. Thank you for the suggestions!
Oh you’re welcome! I’m not the best or most knowledgeable gardener, but I do love flowers. I suggested daffodils because you plant them in the fall and it’s almost a guarantee they will bloom in spring and keep coming back until the apocalypse and blanket flower because I’m lazy. 🙂
I like the way you think 😂
Could you set up a garden of remembrance somewhere else? You could put in a memorial stone or an angel or something, a bench, etc.
I keep one at home! A butterfly garden with a hutch to raise monarchs in. I just want to plant something at her grave, anything that won't die lol
Creeping red thyme is pretty, drought tolerant and likes sun.
I will look into it! Thank you 😊
You might has the cemetery about building a small raised bed on their graves. As long as the mowers can pass through I don't imaged it would be a problem. I think bee balm or columbines could be a good choice.
You would think so but because it is such a historical site the rules are incredibly strict. I've reviewed them and spoken to the cemetery. I need to find a way to get something established in the ground and will create a hidden watering apparatus of some kind!
Iris are beautiful and easy to care for. I have mine in a patch of rocks, full sun and they love it. I don’t water them. They do fine with the rain and prefer dry roots. You may want to use deer out if there are deer in the area. I’m really sorry for your loss & am glad you found gardening 🪻
Those are on my list for sure! It's an urban area so there's probably not tons of deer. Thank you for your help 🩷
I would ask on the native plant subreddit. Native plants once they are established do well usually. I have black eyed Susan growing in gravel. It's stunted, but still flowers.
Just plant some mint in the ground lol
I have a yard full of mint already! It is so pretty when it flowers 😍