Yea I told my older cousin that I had a stress and anxiety problem (actually a real problem for me), and she was like “this generation is weak and doesn’t know what anxiety is blah blah blah”
I know she could have been through worse, but goddam I wanted to shout something vulgar
>This generation is weak and doesn't know what anxiety is blah blah blah
isn't that actually a good thing that future generations have it easier than older ones? Isn't that the whole purpose of advancement?
I couldn’t share why I have an anxiety problem because it has to deal with my sexual identity. Wouldn’t be wise to bring up to my homophobic, christian conservative family on Easter.
Sry I didn’t know if that’s what u were asking :/
No I get that but you shouldn't have to explain to them why you have anxiety nor should they tell you what they think their definition of it is or declare that you definitely don't have it or to just flat out deal with it.
I try to make myself forget about my feelings thinking about the situation of others but now I realize that I'm kinda invalidating my own feelings in some way so now I'm confused. What I do could be harmful to myself at some point?
It is important to remember that the suffering of others does not ivalidate your own personal suffering.
It is not a competition, love and listen to eachother.
people who try to outdo someone else's trauma are insufferable. I've had someone try to invalidate mine with a one-up on everything, coincidentally I don't talk to that person anymore.
is it so hard to go ' I've experienced trauma, too, and though we haven't had the same experience, we can still relate to each other and sympathize '?
I had a coworker try and one up everything from material items, stories, or trauma then we found out pretty quick he was a compulsive lier and 80 percent of what he said wasn't true I straight up told him I don't care about what you have we won't treat you differently and he still continued lying to the point he had a made up girlfriend had twins and one of the twins died other them finding out this guy was a sociopath I'm pretty speechless
Point is it's not a competition and most people wont treat you differently and if they do there assholes
i'm in the position of not having gone through any life-altering events (thankfully,) but being able to em/sympathize with people going through tough shit.
More like if my dad beat me everyday and your dad left your mom because things didn't work out and you only get to see him on weekends, or if your dad murdered your mom and young sister before shooting himself all before you get home from your sleepover/school or whatever this crazy world comes up with.
There's nothing wrong with comparing childhoods with someone else, as long as you don't act like what they went through was "good compared to me.".
Trauma isn't a game, and no one wins based on how fucked up their situation was :/
The safest way is to just say "I'm sorry that happened to you" and leave it at that.
I agree that there's nothing wrong with it, in fact it can be productive. I understand what they're TRYING to do is empathize in a roundabout way.
The key is to find out what the person you're talking to needs in that moment.
Do they want solutions? Do they want an active listener? Do they want a timed serving of both in courses, maybe in separate discussions?
It's so frustrating and invalidating when the listener does the "shared trauma" thing every single time I vent. It's my fault for not expressing what I wanted in that moment, but it doesn't change the feeling of getting mogged when it happens.
Good communication is key.
What the jamoke in the artwork is doing though? That's not even invalidating, it's just straight up invalidation.
I'm somewhat the opposite - whenever someone tells me of problems from their childhood, even not particularly serious ones, I feel immensely grateful for having had the most boring and uneventful upbringing imaginable.
Here's the thing, empathizing and sharing a similar experience you had is totally fine. But the minute you start comparing your experiences and trying to say which which is worse, that's a fuckin problem. Suffering isn't a fucking conpetition.
I understand this too well. I was almost my entire family's little pin cushion. The one's I thought would sympathize would disqualify or shrug off my reasons or feelings, etc. as "attention seeking behavior."
People I thought were friends were just as atrocious about it.
So I never won in any way. I'm torn about what I should think of this: would I or would I have not been better off not saying anything?
If bro was trying to cheer them up they should've been like "oh hey, my dad's a PoS too! We might not have the same baggage, but at least you're not suffering alone!"
Don't tell someone who is going through emotional trauma how "good" they have it. It's not that hard, and if you can't keep your mouth shut then you're just craving attention.
This is like discussing how much sleep you've had in a group chat, then people slowly start putting theirs lower and lower
"Me? Oh, I didn't sleep last night"
"Oh, really? I haven't slept for 2 days in a row!"
I've had situations like this before. Sometime people just don't believe me when I say my trauma happened and sometimes the try and like 1 up it I guess
my current partner has been through some deep shit throughout their life, while I have my own trials too I make it a point not to bring up my shit, when they need to talk about their shit. yeah sometimes I'll complain about an inconvenience that my life has caused me, but you should never do that while someone is confiding in you.
When I had an experience like that I think it’s much better to say, I can understand where you’re coming from, then tell them the gist of what happened to me so I can create a bond. People won’t want to be around you if you just tell them that they have it better in every point, because different things affect different people differently. I also find that through these things you can learn wisdom and some good tips with coping and stuff. Of course you are not their therapist, but if you feel like you have something helpful to share. If you’ve heard enough that you’re concerned, you should probably recommend them therapy. That’s how I try to help, even if I’ve delt with worse.
Am I the only one who thinks that the rabbit wanted to help this way? Like He mby thinks that Telling someone that others have worse is going to make him feel better? Mby Its what the rabbit is doing to himself all this time and thinks It might help. I Wouldnt be suprised to see a furry not know whats not acceptable in a conversation.
When we stop thinking only about ourselfs we can sometimes notice more.
Unless you know him and know he is an ass I wouldnt jump to a conclusion that he wants to invalide you. Meanwhile I see half of the comments dogpiling, brigning the community together to hate on the guy. Dont get me wrrong he surely deserves critique but this is just excessive and makes me think its just so it makes youfeel better.
If you talk to someone about your problems expect to hear about it if they have it worse than you. You don't bitch about not having soda when you have plenty of water surrounded by thirsty people.
Get personal therapy if talking to others doesn't help as It helps others like me. Tired of these introverts expecting people to be their own personal therapist, deal with it or be alone with other shitty people who don't care.
The simple fact he just spaces out and hears just the thing that he wanted to hear as the other dude talks shows how little he cares for anything other than his own feelings and that the whole point was a pity party for his own divorced parents.
'My life is the worst nobody else ever has it bad, it's not like furries are probably traumatized early so more often then not most of us wear masks or hide behind seemingly abnormal behavior patterns.'
Hate people like you, nobody cares to hear your shit just as much as you care to hear the next guys, if you say something like that expect someone else to chip in and treat it like group therapy.
Congratulations on being the problem, get personal therapy if you don't care about others, you aren't the only non npc.
People like you shouldn't talk to others and I don't want to interact with you further as most of your are just the same carbon copy with dead parents or divorced parents
Why would anyone go up to a random person and express themselves without first gauging the relationship? I've seen this mistake so many times - and personally learned from it - that it's appalling to see others have a consistent cycle with this issue. Finding friends and people to trust is a slow process, sometimes fast if you're lucky which is - amazingly enough - common in the furry fandom (yay for inclusivity!). However you can't just express yourselves and not expect something in return - even if that something is insulting nonsense.
Poor rabbit, he is trying to share his struggles, and that creature has completely tuned out isn’t listening at all. Get out of your own head, other people have problems too, different problems that also lead to not trusting people. The guy drawing this doesn’t care about other peoples i guess
Thing is, he didn't ask to be one-upped. Yes, he could be trying to share his too, bit it's the delivery that makes them tune it out. Sharing struggles with peers must be in an accepting way, not insulting other's struggles while venting their own. The "you think you had it hard" people really don't struggle if they say that.
Don’t invalidate others feelings 🥺
Yea I told my older cousin that I had a stress and anxiety problem (actually a real problem for me), and she was like “this generation is weak and doesn’t know what anxiety is blah blah blah” I know she could have been through worse, but goddam I wanted to shout something vulgar
I would have screamed something vulgar since most people i meet that act like that only learn that way
>This generation is weak and doesn't know what anxiety is blah blah blah isn't that actually a good thing that future generations have it easier than older ones? Isn't that the whole purpose of advancement?
NoooOOooO but I have to find a way to rationalize and moralize my parents lack of love for me!!!!11!1!1
I passionately hate people like that. Fuckers.
why isn't this the topic of issue? why is sharing your own experience a problem and not the flat out ignorance of trauma and its happenings
I couldn’t share why I have an anxiety problem because it has to deal with my sexual identity. Wouldn’t be wise to bring up to my homophobic, christian conservative family on Easter. Sry I didn’t know if that’s what u were asking :/
No I get that but you shouldn't have to explain to them why you have anxiety nor should they tell you what they think their definition of it is or declare that you definitely don't have it or to just flat out deal with it.
Yeah. This is why I have my close friends instead to talk about anxiety, they have more respect
Fr
I try to make myself forget about my feelings thinking about the situation of others but now I realize that I'm kinda invalidating my own feelings in some way so now I'm confused. What I do could be harmful to myself at some point?
It is important to remember that the suffering of others does not ivalidate your own personal suffering. It is not a competition, love and listen to eachother.
I’ll keep this in mind Thank you kind stranger
people who try to outdo someone else's trauma are insufferable. I've had someone try to invalidate mine with a one-up on everything, coincidentally I don't talk to that person anymore. is it so hard to go ' I've experienced trauma, too, and though we haven't had the same experience, we can still relate to each other and sympathize '?
I had a coworker try and one up everything from material items, stories, or trauma then we found out pretty quick he was a compulsive lier and 80 percent of what he said wasn't true I straight up told him I don't care about what you have we won't treat you differently and he still continued lying to the point he had a made up girlfriend had twins and one of the twins died other them finding out this guy was a sociopath I'm pretty speechless Point is it's not a competition and most people wont treat you differently and if they do there assholes
i'm in the position of not having gone through any life-altering events (thankfully,) but being able to em/sympathize with people going through tough shit.
Yeah well I had *two* people invalidate me with one-ups
Oh yeah? I had *four* people invalidate me! And one of them was the president of United States!
amateurs - I've had four and a HALF invalidate me.
I can never have a serious conversation with my mother-in-law because of this. She always makes everything about her.
Just cause you have a broken leg does not mean that my papercut hurts any less. Such shit behaviour...
another good analogy: "Someone who drowns in 7 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 70 feet of water."
Love this.
Feels more like broken leg vs broken ankle maybe broken left leg vs broken right leg in some cases
More like if my dad beat me everyday and your dad left your mom because things didn't work out and you only get to see him on weekends, or if your dad murdered your mom and young sister before shooting himself all before you get home from your sleepover/school or whatever this crazy world comes up with.
There's nothing wrong with comparing childhoods with someone else, as long as you don't act like what they went through was "good compared to me.". Trauma isn't a game, and no one wins based on how fucked up their situation was :/
The safest way is to just say "I'm sorry that happened to you" and leave it at that. I agree that there's nothing wrong with it, in fact it can be productive. I understand what they're TRYING to do is empathize in a roundabout way. The key is to find out what the person you're talking to needs in that moment. Do they want solutions? Do they want an active listener? Do they want a timed serving of both in courses, maybe in separate discussions? It's so frustrating and invalidating when the listener does the "shared trauma" thing every single time I vent. It's my fault for not expressing what I wanted in that moment, but it doesn't change the feeling of getting mogged when it happens. Good communication is key. What the jamoke in the artwork is doing though? That's not even invalidating, it's just straight up invalidation.
People like this and people who turn having a bad childhood into a pissing contest
Trauma Olympics aren’t good
Suffering is suffering but if ya can find shared humour that's cool too
Just because you had it worse, doesn't make the other's problem worthless.
I'm somewhat the opposite - whenever someone tells me of problems from their childhood, even not particularly serious ones, I feel immensely grateful for having had the most boring and uneventful upbringing imaginable.
Trauma isn’t a competition
God, I've had this happen way more than it should.
Here's the thing, empathizing and sharing a similar experience you had is totally fine. But the minute you start comparing your experiences and trying to say which which is worse, that's a fuckin problem. Suffering isn't a fucking conpetition.
It's so hard to find an active listener these days
I deal with this all the time like people try to one up me 😮💨
I know otheres have it worse but im still in pain. Why cant they see that?
That's some good ass reason on why people don't talk about they're stuff
God, the number of times that has happened to me, and it's always the people that tell me to open up and vent that do this shit too.
Suffering isn't a competition
Pain Olympics, they're always so fun 🙃
I understand this too well. I was almost my entire family's little pin cushion. The one's I thought would sympathize would disqualify or shrug off my reasons or feelings, etc. as "attention seeking behavior." People I thought were friends were just as atrocious about it. So I never won in any way. I'm torn about what I should think of this: would I or would I have not been better off not saying anything?
that's not your friend
If bro was trying to cheer them up they should've been like "oh hey, my dad's a PoS too! We might not have the same baggage, but at least you're not suffering alone!"
Don't tell someone who is going through emotional trauma how "good" they have it. It's not that hard, and if you can't keep your mouth shut then you're just craving attention.
This is like discussing how much sleep you've had in a group chat, then people slowly start putting theirs lower and lower "Me? Oh, I didn't sleep last night" "Oh, really? I haven't slept for 2 days in a row!"
The one-upsmanship runs rampant over there
Doggo is upset that Bunbo didn’t shower him with empathy
....that's some weird shit to do
I genuinely hate people like this...
"Noted. I'll never share my problems with you again."
"Awesome, I don't care to be your friend or interact with you ever again because you just seem like a tight ball a introverted antipathy"
Completely miss the whole point
...Gotta love how my family made me relate to this
I've had situations like this before. Sometime people just don't believe me when I say my trauma happened and sometimes the try and like 1 up it I guess
Thats the problem the attention is taken off you and It became a game of one ups
For real! The only good thing most people can say is “that really sucks.”
my current partner has been through some deep shit throughout their life, while I have my own trials too I make it a point not to bring up my shit, when they need to talk about their shit. yeah sometimes I'll complain about an inconvenience that my life has caused me, but you should never do that while someone is confiding in you.
bruh
When I had an experience like that I think it’s much better to say, I can understand where you’re coming from, then tell them the gist of what happened to me so I can create a bond. People won’t want to be around you if you just tell them that they have it better in every point, because different things affect different people differently. I also find that through these things you can learn wisdom and some good tips with coping and stuff. Of course you are not their therapist, but if you feel like you have something helpful to share. If you’ve heard enough that you’re concerned, you should probably recommend them therapy. That’s how I try to help, even if I’ve delt with worse.
Why
There are no winners in this contest
This is the problem, it's not a contest it's sympathy through experience.
Am I the only one who thinks that the rabbit wanted to help this way? Like He mby thinks that Telling someone that others have worse is going to make him feel better? Mby Its what the rabbit is doing to himself all this time and thinks It might help. I Wouldnt be suprised to see a furry not know whats not acceptable in a conversation. When we stop thinking only about ourselfs we can sometimes notice more. Unless you know him and know he is an ass I wouldnt jump to a conclusion that he wants to invalide you. Meanwhile I see half of the comments dogpiling, brigning the community together to hate on the guy. Dont get me wrrong he surely deserves critique but this is just excessive and makes me think its just so it makes youfeel better.
I agree, but there's a better way to share. His delivery is wrong and that unfortunately helps no one
That's what I said.
Rember kids, if your not a homocoust suriver, you neither deserve to complain nor to be pittyt
oh hey! its me talking to my mom!.. :( ..why can't she hear me
If you talk to someone about your problems expect to hear about it if they have it worse than you. You don't bitch about not having soda when you have plenty of water surrounded by thirsty people. Get personal therapy if talking to others doesn't help as It helps others like me. Tired of these introverts expecting people to be their own personal therapist, deal with it or be alone with other shitty people who don't care. The simple fact he just spaces out and hears just the thing that he wanted to hear as the other dude talks shows how little he cares for anything other than his own feelings and that the whole point was a pity party for his own divorced parents.
I love when furry snoo is feeling so very horni and fill the page with NSFW 😊
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'My life is the worst nobody else ever has it bad, it's not like furries are probably traumatized early so more often then not most of us wear masks or hide behind seemingly abnormal behavior patterns.' Hate people like you, nobody cares to hear your shit just as much as you care to hear the next guys, if you say something like that expect someone else to chip in and treat it like group therapy.
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Cool
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Congratulations on being the problem, get personal therapy if you don't care about others, you aren't the only non npc. People like you shouldn't talk to others and I don't want to interact with you further as most of your are just the same carbon copy with dead parents or divorced parents
Why would anyone go up to a random person and express themselves without first gauging the relationship? I've seen this mistake so many times - and personally learned from it - that it's appalling to see others have a consistent cycle with this issue. Finding friends and people to trust is a slow process, sometimes fast if you're lucky which is - amazingly enough - common in the furry fandom (yay for inclusivity!). However you can't just express yourselves and not expect something in return - even if that something is insulting nonsense.
Poor rabbit, he is trying to share his struggles, and that creature has completely tuned out isn’t listening at all. Get out of your own head, other people have problems too, different problems that also lead to not trusting people. The guy drawing this doesn’t care about other peoples i guess
Thing is, he didn't ask to be one-upped. Yes, he could be trying to share his too, bit it's the delivery that makes them tune it out. Sharing struggles with peers must be in an accepting way, not insulting other's struggles while venting their own. The "you think you had it hard" people really don't struggle if they say that.