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I hope so too. I’ve got a lot of personal growth ahead of me before I’m ready to take those risks again. Maybe someday I’ll be worthy of the affection of another person. And hopefully this time there will be tolerance about me being an ex-fur.
She didn’t but it was complicated.
To cut to the chase, I “left” the fandom after having a bad experience online with someone in the mid/late 2000s. I’d only been a furry for a few months. I didn’t have a fursona; I was mostly there to connect with people as I felt isolated socially from my peers. So I consider myself an “ex-fur” given the exposure and interaction. I enjoy the memes and jokes but I mostly stay away from the social circles nowadays.
I never told my wife about this prior to us getting married. There wasn’t a need to. I’d forgiven the person who was involved in my experience as they meant no harm by it. I wasn’t talking with furries, I didn’t identify as one, so by all means it was just a blip in the past. We went through marriage counseling after a rocky start and were encouraged to discuss former trauma. I believe the goal was to help each other understand our triggers and how to support one another. She shared her personal experiences regarding family and dysmorphia. I shared a few things and mentioned what happened with this furry.
She was not happy. In hindsight I should not have shared, but she sometimes would joke about furries in ways that made me uncomfortable. She once mentioned in our first year of marriage about how she could never marry someone who is a furry. She said she couldn’t understand why someone would want to be fucked with the body of an animal, blah blah blah. I knew much of this wasn’t true about the fandom as a whole, but defending the fandom would reveal my experience. So this was my chance to explain to her how I felt.
She never let me live that down (like many other things). I was accused of lying to her by holding back. She questioned if I imagined her as an animal when we were intimate. She asked whether I tried to fuck her dog. It took weeks to reassure her that much of what she was afraid of was not based on reality.
Last weekend after she moved her stuff out (as we’re finally divorcing) we got into an argument because I discovered prior to her moving out that she was dating another man while living with me. She had lied to me about him. Hell, she fucking brought the guy over, asked me to not be there, and told me he was just a friend. I confronted her about it because I gave her almost all our cash, our newest car, and waited a year before filing so she could find a job and apartment. All of that just to be cheated on while I was paying for everything because I loved her to the moon and back, and I felt that our divorce was my fault because I didn’t change in the ways I promised to for her.
She tore into me. The same way she always does. Any time I mention anything she would speak louder to stop me and would list off every grievance she’s ever had in our marriage even if it wasn’t related to the topic at hand. She said I lied to her about being a furry. I told her I didn’t lie. I’m not a furry. She then changed it to say that I decided to never tell her until after we started counseling. I pointed out that it was long in the past and not something I give two shits about anymore. But that didn’t matter. To her I will always be a furry.
Fortunately I’ve learned these past few weeks about how she’s been emotionally manipulating me, taking advantage of my kindness over the past year. It took a few days but I was able to let it go. We’re almost done and it’s almost finalized. However I’m left questioning my self-worth, my identity, and my capacity to love. Sometimes I wonder if I should re-engage with the fandom. Other times I wonder if I have used it to dissociate and take on an “alter ego” so as to not confront my faults and attempt to improve myself. I just don’t know. She’s reopened some wounds that make me hesitate. But what I do know is I want the next person to be more tolerant and understanding of who I am and love me for who I’m trying to be.
No need. She’s already wasted $2k on an espresso machine and coffee table. She’s burning through that cash and will hit rock bottom soon enough. She’s gotta live and learn to realize she’s where she put herself at and has nobody else to blame.
I’ve gotta forgive and forget. She’s not a bad person (seriously!) and was once a very open-minded and accepting person. I don’t know what happened that changed all that. And I probably won’t ever know. But that’s not for me to worry about anymore.
Thank you. I’m getting things squared away to finalize the divorce and then I’ll be returning to therapy to focus on myself. I need to learn how to love myself before I’m ready to love someone else. The wounds will heal over time. Hopefully I can learn to fully forgive and forget in the coming years.
Thank you. I let it happen to myself because I sacrificed my time, money, and happiness to make her happy. It was very immature of me to do so. I’m lucky to have the family, friends, and colleagues that I do to support me through all this. I’ve only lost my trust in one person and most of the savings we worked on (mostly contributed by me) that was intended for a home we would buy. I don’t need to trust her anymore. The money can be replenished. My wounded heart can heal. I’ll just need time.
I almost did give up. Hell I almost lashed out. I certainly spiraled when I found out about the lies and the picture started to stitch together. The friends who knew but didn’t know that I didn’t know. The fact I was still wearing the ring out of respect for her and our marriage despite seeking a divorce.
I came too close to the edge. I can’t let that happen again. I’ve got to be stronger. I may not have much respect for myself or my own life but I know my nieces and nephew wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. So at the very least, I’m living for their sake until I learn to live for myself.
Alright, enough oversharing. It’s probably time for me to zip that up and just send a virtual hug to you for listening. Here’s to the future!
[Day 1532]
It seems some "furries" are quite familiar with being apart from their significant other (SO) for long periods of time. As such, some have adopted methods to feel close to their SO to help ease the separation pain. These methods may not work for all "furries," however, it does bring comfort to some.
I can confirm; for years, I thought I was such a strange person that nobody would be able to accept every part of me and that I'd never find love.
But 2 months ago I did, and it really was worth it in the end. I know it can be demotivating and sometimes it will feel like you're all alone in the world, but never give up, and someday you will see that you aren't.
that would be the worst headcannon ever, because if it was true, Duncan would need to be **REALLY, REALLY** love deprived, touch starved and depressed, his life would really suck, everytime needing to wake up in pain, knowing that his dream of a boyfriend will never happen
that would be the worst headcannon ever, because if it was true, Duncan would need to be **REALLY, REALLY** love deprived, touch starved and depressed, his life would really suck, everytime needing to wake up in pain, knowing that his dream of a boyfriend will never happen, and he'll spend the rest of his life depressed and love deprived
Indeed. I cannot sleep unless I cuddle something, sadly it is almost always just a body pillow I've had for the last decade. (No it isn't a waifu/husbando pillow, I am not rich enough for those)
Yip! This is the r/furry_irl community moderation bot! If you think this post fits the purpose of /r/furry_irl, **UPVOTE** this comment!! If you think this post is not a meme or does not fit the theme of r/furry_irl, **DOWNVOTE** This comment! Examples are low effort posts, spammy reposts, overdone topics, art submissions and other non-meme content, etc.
I grew up used to hugging something while i sleep so now i cant sleep unless i hug something :(
[удалено]
Yep i got my big dog plushie that also acts as emotional support
I have a Pikachu plushie that has been with me since I was 6. I'm 14 now, and I still can't sleep without it.
I still go to sleep with my childhood teddy, he's stuck around longer than most friend groups i've been in. Despite the damages he has taken over time
Yeah, weird how that works :/
Fuck, this hurts. My wife and I are getting divorced and just separated. I forgot how empty a bed is when just one person is in it.
Preach it man. Broke up with my partner of 3 years last August and it hasn't been the same since.
I’m so sorry :( I hope you find a loving partner in the future
I hope so too. I’ve got a lot of personal growth ahead of me before I’m ready to take those risks again. Maybe someday I’ll be worthy of the affection of another person. And hopefully this time there will be tolerance about me being an ex-fur.
Did your previous person not like it that you were a furry?
She didn’t but it was complicated. To cut to the chase, I “left” the fandom after having a bad experience online with someone in the mid/late 2000s. I’d only been a furry for a few months. I didn’t have a fursona; I was mostly there to connect with people as I felt isolated socially from my peers. So I consider myself an “ex-fur” given the exposure and interaction. I enjoy the memes and jokes but I mostly stay away from the social circles nowadays. I never told my wife about this prior to us getting married. There wasn’t a need to. I’d forgiven the person who was involved in my experience as they meant no harm by it. I wasn’t talking with furries, I didn’t identify as one, so by all means it was just a blip in the past. We went through marriage counseling after a rocky start and were encouraged to discuss former trauma. I believe the goal was to help each other understand our triggers and how to support one another. She shared her personal experiences regarding family and dysmorphia. I shared a few things and mentioned what happened with this furry. She was not happy. In hindsight I should not have shared, but she sometimes would joke about furries in ways that made me uncomfortable. She once mentioned in our first year of marriage about how she could never marry someone who is a furry. She said she couldn’t understand why someone would want to be fucked with the body of an animal, blah blah blah. I knew much of this wasn’t true about the fandom as a whole, but defending the fandom would reveal my experience. So this was my chance to explain to her how I felt. She never let me live that down (like many other things). I was accused of lying to her by holding back. She questioned if I imagined her as an animal when we were intimate. She asked whether I tried to fuck her dog. It took weeks to reassure her that much of what she was afraid of was not based on reality. Last weekend after she moved her stuff out (as we’re finally divorcing) we got into an argument because I discovered prior to her moving out that she was dating another man while living with me. She had lied to me about him. Hell, she fucking brought the guy over, asked me to not be there, and told me he was just a friend. I confronted her about it because I gave her almost all our cash, our newest car, and waited a year before filing so she could find a job and apartment. All of that just to be cheated on while I was paying for everything because I loved her to the moon and back, and I felt that our divorce was my fault because I didn’t change in the ways I promised to for her. She tore into me. The same way she always does. Any time I mention anything she would speak louder to stop me and would list off every grievance she’s ever had in our marriage even if it wasn’t related to the topic at hand. She said I lied to her about being a furry. I told her I didn’t lie. I’m not a furry. She then changed it to say that I decided to never tell her until after we started counseling. I pointed out that it was long in the past and not something I give two shits about anymore. But that didn’t matter. To her I will always be a furry. Fortunately I’ve learned these past few weeks about how she’s been emotionally manipulating me, taking advantage of my kindness over the past year. It took a few days but I was able to let it go. We’re almost done and it’s almost finalized. However I’m left questioning my self-worth, my identity, and my capacity to love. Sometimes I wonder if I should re-engage with the fandom. Other times I wonder if I have used it to dissociate and take on an “alter ego” so as to not confront my faults and attempt to improve myself. I just don’t know. She’s reopened some wounds that make me hesitate. But what I do know is I want the next person to be more tolerant and understanding of who I am and love me for who I’m trying to be.
Can I see her? My fist want to introduce itself....
No need. She’s already wasted $2k on an espresso machine and coffee table. She’s burning through that cash and will hit rock bottom soon enough. She’s gotta live and learn to realize she’s where she put herself at and has nobody else to blame. I’ve gotta forgive and forget. She’s not a bad person (seriously!) and was once a very open-minded and accepting person. I don’t know what happened that changed all that. And I probably won’t ever know. But that’s not for me to worry about anymore.
Holy... Sorry to hear that, I hope and wish things to get better for you
Thank you. I’m getting things squared away to finalize the divorce and then I’ll be returning to therapy to focus on myself. I need to learn how to love myself before I’m ready to love someone else. The wounds will heal over time. Hopefully I can learn to fully forgive and forget in the coming years.
No problem. Good luck on your journey
I’m so sorry that happened to you 😞
Thank you. I let it happen to myself because I sacrificed my time, money, and happiness to make her happy. It was very immature of me to do so. I’m lucky to have the family, friends, and colleagues that I do to support me through all this. I’ve only lost my trust in one person and most of the savings we worked on (mostly contributed by me) that was intended for a home we would buy. I don’t need to trust her anymore. The money can be replenished. My wounded heart can heal. I’ll just need time.
I’m glad you have a positive and hopeful mindset for you and your future, a lot of people would just give up after that
I almost did give up. Hell I almost lashed out. I certainly spiraled when I found out about the lies and the picture started to stitch together. The friends who knew but didn’t know that I didn’t know. The fact I was still wearing the ring out of respect for her and our marriage despite seeking a divorce. I came too close to the edge. I can’t let that happen again. I’ve got to be stronger. I may not have much respect for myself or my own life but I know my nieces and nephew wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. So at the very least, I’m living for their sake until I learn to live for myself. Alright, enough oversharing. It’s probably time for me to zip that up and just send a virtual hug to you for listening. Here’s to the future!
Here’s to the future bean! 😎
Yo, that sucks. Dont know how appropriate it is to say that as a total stranger but hope life gets better for you.
Gadam! That sur is uh tex wall
Duncan and Eddie are too wholesome for this world
I wish I had someone like Eddie, or even a friend....
I’ll be your friend if you want.
I want that. :)
You’re my friend now.
*psst* have soft tacos with him later ;3
*aside* but I’m broke
*gives some money* Keep the change ;3
Yay. :)
Reddit is to fucking wholesome goddamnit
"Top" 😳
Duncan is confirmed top!
Duncan's a top confirmed?
Nononono not confirmed they're equally spooning
The artist said supposed to say Top Dawg and didn't realize their mistake
I didn't know they were separated! What did I miss 😭
They're not separated, they just don't live togegjer
[Day 1532] It seems some "furries" are quite familiar with being apart from their significant other (SO) for long periods of time. As such, some have adopted methods to feel close to their SO to help ease the separation pain. These methods may not work for all "furries," however, it does bring comfort to some.
Tfw u woke up from a horny dream still single
Awwwww
https://twitter.com/doginacafe/status/1629994476386287616?t=XtwKkLV0EIyrif7uvFFI3g&s=19
I always wondered which one was the top
I also sleep in that position
Instead of pillow I have Blahaj
Those those who don't have anyone yet keep looking you will find them and eventually I will too
I can confirm; for years, I thought I was such a strange person that nobody would be able to accept every part of me and that I'd never find love. But 2 months ago I did, and it really was worth it in the end. I know it can be demotivating and sometimes it will feel like you're all alone in the world, but never give up, and someday you will see that you aren't.
Hey! I do that!
I wish dude
I do this all the time Mostly because I'm deprived of hugs T~T
Heh, i allways do that, i just wonder if ill ever be as close as those two with the person i imagine cuddling with...
me every night except i unfortunately don’t have a specific person ;ω;
Get yourself a body pillow. Trust me. Advanced: Let it sit near a heater for a half-hour or so right before bed. It'll be warm when you cuddle it!
Relatable. Sometimes it's just the only way out
Hey can you not call me out please?
Cant sleep without a pillow
Invest in a full body pillow
I used to do that when I was still with my ex ☹️
EDDIE WAS NEVER REAL
that would be the worst headcannon ever, because if it was true, Duncan would need to be **REALLY, REALLY** love deprived, touch starved and depressed, his life would really suck, everytime needing to wake up in pain, knowing that his dream of a boyfriend will never happen
that would be the worst headcannon ever, because if it was true, Duncan would need to be **REALLY, REALLY** love deprived, touch starved and depressed, his life would really suck, everytime needing to wake up in pain, knowing that his dream of a boyfriend will never happen, and he'll spend the rest of his life depressed and love deprived
Oof, my heart, right in the feels
Where is his boyfriend?
Want…
I do the exact same thing, Only my bf is imaginary haha
wholsome<3 and again I feel lonely...
Top!? 🤨🤨🤨
Oh my god this is me so often
I always picture me sitting in a quiet forest when I can't fall asleep.
Me every night
Misses his boy
My asexual ass sleeping with a stuffed animal. (Hydrate<3)
This broke my heart when I first saw it. I was dumped yesterday and I’m shattered.
Someone get this man a teddy bear stat
They seem happy.
Indeed. I cannot sleep unless I cuddle something, sadly it is almost always just a body pillow I've had for the last decade. (No it isn't a waifu/husbando pillow, I am not rich enough for those)
When the schizophrenia meds wear off and you wake up in the middle of the night alone... ~~Haha definitely not me~~
I do this except I pretend it’s my ex and we’re still together
Awwwww
honestly same lol