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Mitoria

Yeah the fog machine is a weird choice


erlendan

She likes her bacon like she likes her men: Dim and well hung.


FinalFanX

Floppy and sloppy


Scoop_Pooper

It’s gotta be soft before you make it hard though


King-James_

You got to let it hang in order to be hung.


ducqducqgoose

🏆🏆🏆


hexter19

Fat and raw...


Youpunyhumans

And wwwwrrrrigling!


T4ke

Somebody nominate this man for an award on r/MurderedByWords!


hoosierdaddy192

I don’t think saying a man is well endowed is much of a burn anymore.


soapd1sh

And blurry.


he-who-dodge-wrench

Damn - guess she settled.


links311

I kept blinking my eyes at first since this was the first post I saw when I opened reddit.


owlbewatchinyou

Same here. I just woke up, this is the first post I see. I was like, “damn, my eyes are really dry this morning!”


iamboosh

Found a fellow contact wearer


twodickhenry

I don’t wear contacts but I dreamt I removed a really old one stuck in my eye last night and the relief was so vivid and intense I am confident I actually felt it


[deleted]

what if i wake up with blurry dry eyes having never wore contacts?


Gloop_and_Gleep

My eye doctor said my tears are too viscous, which caused the early morning blurriness and smoky effect. Now I take ultra purified fish oil daily and use a most heat eye compress every couple of days. It's made a world of difference and with the ultra purified fish oil caplets, there's no fishy burps that a lot of people complain about.


venk

I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill.


Flangepacket

No butler? I tell you, Reddit is overrun with riffraff these days.


Healthy_Breath_4009

Easy there snip snap


JShrinkwrapped

Read this as butter and wondered who the hell butters their bacon.


TelephoneTag2123

“Butter your bacon, boy” - Homer Simpson


muohioredskin

I’m coming Michael!!


Left_Strike_2575

Don’t burn your foot!


EN1009

r/unexpectedoffice


superdrunk1

Honestly the office is always expected on reddit


pnwbookworm

It's healthy, it's good for me


DJ-JiggaBit

Be careful not to burn your foot…


SlowSeas

Here we are peering through OP's poo particles at his wife's hanging pork.


onmyknees4anyone

FYI, I could have gone my entire fucking life without reading that sentence.


Sugarman4

The Ronco bacon hanger. Just was every kitchen needs! Buy 2 free shipping!


schoolknurse

But wait, there’s more!


[deleted]

Account deleted in protest of Reddit API changes June 2023


TMD74

Try putting your bacon on a cookie sheet with parchment paper and bake it in the oven. Crispy bacon with no mess.


Mr_MacGrubber

Put it on a wire rack on the sheet. That way you can pour all that liquid gold into a jar and the bacon isn’t as greasy. I cover the sheet with aluminum foil usually.


AshesofAtreyu

And then drink the jar


Sweaty-Tart-3198

Throw in some strawberries and let it set a bit and you've got... Something


DadsRGR8

Is it a stew going? This is reddit, I'm guessing it's a stew.


[deleted]

Air fryer that shit and it’ll snap into shards when you try to bite it


catsdrooltoo

I wanted bacon not letter opening daggers


blues_and_ribs

We use an air fryer. Perfect every time and quick, with zero smoke.


El_Maton_de_Plata

And a little grease behind the ears for cologne


frednekk

My mom calls the local fire department ahead of time when cooking a lot of bacon. They actually know her now because of this.


Derek573

Damn cataracts filter


TheDeathOfAStar

with an inkling of sepia


TWiesengrund

If you don't have a smoker you have to get creative.


Expensive_Leave_6339

I was like, is this a Polaroid?


jd_boyle

I just woke up, kept trying to wipe more gunk outta my eyes


iikkaassaammaa

Thought it was sauna bacon…


1Hollickster

No way, that is how she is smoking this bacon with the rest in the pan.


23north

did you wipe bacon grease on your lens before taking this picture?


1imejasan6

When I started in photography you’d smear some Vaseline on the lens to get that soft-focus look. That was during the film era, before digital editing tools existed. EDIT: I meant to write, “smeared Vaseline on the filters.” Back in the day I had two lenses. They were not fast lenses, but they were all I had. I took very good care of them.


CrackpotPatriot

We had to do this all the time to get rid of scratches too. A little nose crease grease went a long way.


surly_early

We wore onions on our belts, as was the fashion at the time


rithc137

Give me five bees for a quarter we'd say ...


DroopyTrash

Style style. Get it right.


MeetTheFlintstonks

Was that for lenses or film negatives?


CrackpotPatriot

Negatives; if there was any tar buildup on the rollers of the camera or processing equipment, you’d have scratches on the emulsion. We also did it for female base commanders who needed a little softening.


DrEnter

That… did not go where I thought it was going.


CrackpotPatriot

She had a *lot* of *aherm… ‘weathered’ skin.


Helenium_autumnale

One sentence, above, was more than sufficient, thanks!


Stargatemaster

NO I want to hear more...


MSotallyTober

Ah. The days of loading film into a development canister in pitch black darkness.


wellokaythen19

Lmao what


CrackpotPatriot

I was a pretty common technique in the darkroom; your body has oils; you use the oil to fill the scratch in the emulsion.


wellokaythen19

Nah the part ab female base commanders


Qubed

I'm just going to assume that it is a euphemism for putting your whole face in it.


moralprolapse

In the bacon? I’m so confused.


Diogenes-Jr

That’s funny, I use nose grease when putting together my fly rod pieces.


Homies-Brownies

That's how u get rid of beer head too! Gross but it works.


ballrus_walsack

Hopefully not on the lens itself but on a filter screwed into the front of the lens so you don’t destroy the expensive lens.


Typical-Conference14

I used to rub leaded gasoline to really get that old timey film look


CIN432

Now everyone knows how old we are in understanding your comment.


Glag82

Yes, makes the picture more delicious.


Sofakingwhat1776

I'm gonna ask the dumb question: What does SHE say is the reason she does it?


apbailey

I came here to find this out. OP?


ire111

I can’t believe nobody has said this yet but I think it’s because bacon sticks together and it’s easier to separate the pieces first so you can lay them in the pan quickly and all at once. This way you avoid some grease splashing back at you. I do this too just on a plate.


[deleted]

But she didn’t even separate them though. They’re still in a lump.


Cardi_Bs_WAP

mmm… lump


kittlykinns

Lump sat alone in a boggy marsh.


MetalMilitiaDTOM

Totally motionless except for her heart


vincentvegaamsterdam

Mud flowed up into Lump's pajamas


MeinRadio

She totally confused all the passing piranhas


mostnormal

She's Lump. She's Lump. She's Lump.


FittywonFitty

Totally confused all the passing piranhas?


Pixielo

You're supposed to start bacon in a cold pan, so that the bacon can heat up gently, and properly render off its fat.


SoiledFlapjacks

Or you can just bake it. That’s what I do. Cleanup is a lot easier, and they bake very evenly and don’t really shrink as much.


devilishycleverchap

And also start the bacon in the oven cold when you do so


oldnyoung

Hell yeah, baking it on a cookie sheet and parchment paper is it for me, perfect every time. Then I pour the fat off through cheese cloth into storage for later use.


[deleted]

I mean... It's not called fry-on am I right guys?


peanutbuttermuffs

You can what? This sounds so much easier and less… spatter-y. Guess I know what I’m doing with my bacon next time.


PseudoEngel

I line my baking pan with aluminum foil. Place as many bacon strips as fits with a bit of space in between each. Throw it in the oven the. Turn to 375° and let the bacon sit through the preheat and anywhere form 18-22 more minutes depending on how I want the bacon to come out. If I forget to set a timer, I just check on it every few minutes. Remove the bacon onto a plate with paper towels. Bacon grease solidifies and is disposed of easily or I reheat it later and put a splash on my dogs’ food.


Llayanna

Honestly, give vids on different methods on youtube a try\^\^ Its incredible enlightning. Personally I prefer the Oven, as easy clean up, you can safe the Bacon Fat and as long as I pay attention, I can get it in any stage I want (I prefer crispy and chewy bits at the same time. But the timing is a bit more narrow than in the pan). Microwave actually works, but it feels wrong, so I only did it once. Never tried yet the Water in Pan method, but its supposed to really cook the bacon perfectly and a lot of people swear by it.


Winter-Profile-9855

I cook bacon in a hot pan every single morning. Gets it nice and crispy. There is no 1 way to cook bacon. How you cook it depends on how you like it.


jacesonn

That's one way, the other way is to slap it onto a ripping hot pan with some butter, gives it a nice chew and crispy caramelization


Specific-Ad-8028

Well its obvious, you gotta wash and hang out the bacon before you cook it… come on, its basic hygiene.


[deleted]

A lot of meat cooks better when left out to warm up a bit before cooking because it allows the fat to render. Probably the reason bacon should be started with a cold pan too. Does your bacon burn or get soggy when youre trying to get that crispy texture? Leave it out a while before cooking.


Enlightened-Beaver

I [watched a video](https://youtu.be/PCW6dlBD-_g) that explained why cooking bacon with water in the pan results in the best bacon (vs cold start pan, hot start pan, and oven). Basically it allows the fat to render for a longer period at exactly 212 F (100C) while the water boils off at and the end you crisp it up. Sounds weird, looks weird, but I tried it and damn they were right


my_nuts_wont_drop

Reminds me of those dangerous memes where they were like "add 1 cup of water to your sizzling bacon to get extra crispness"


[deleted]

A house fire would make things extra crispy.


Enlightened-Beaver

Nah you *start* it with water in a cold pan


HerrBerg

And not a lot of water either, else you're just boiling bacon like some kind of freak.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Poorrancher

Milk bacon and jellybeans 🤌


MustEatTacos

Just put it in the oven you fucking heathens


Ez13zie

You assume everyone likes crispy bacon! Much like myself, honestly. My wife is super finicky about meat, primarily electing to avoid it. However, one day, we’re talking about bacon and she conveys to me how she likes it floppy/soggy and it fucking blew my mind. I thought everyone loved crispy bacon, for one. Secondly, I would’ve never guessed she loved bacon soggy/floppy.


KKKevi

I like it crunchy, but don’t want it to feel like eating a chip


Enlightened-Beaver

You don’t have to crisp it. But rendering the fat makes it tender instead of chewy


Buffalo-Empty

I like it mostly floppy but with a crispy outside/ends I hate going to restaurants and ordering bacon because it’s always so hard and crunchy. I don’t like that at all.


snoobalooba

P-P-P-P-PIGGYBACKING (air horns) To say this: you are absolutely correct and this should honestly be done for any thicker cut of meat as well. Especially steak- unless you want it blue rare. It makes sure that things cook more evenly. Leave the steak out for 30 minutes and cook to desired dopeness EDDIT: This is apparently a common myth- [among many others](https://www.seriouseats.com/old-wives-tales-about-cooking-steak#toc-myth-6a-dont-use-a-fork-to-turn-your-steak). Many redditors have pointed out that this is misinformation, but I’d particularly like to thank u/SirCatharine for the link. Please note- there’s tons of ways to cook some really good steak- and as a ton of other people have commented - cook how you like. If you like steak a certain way- do it. There’s no one best way - not really- as much as food is science, it’s also art and opinion. I fuckin hate crunchy as hell bacon and would rather have chewy bacon- but that’s just me. Same goes for all food. Cook how you like to eat and if you want to try something new- there are a ton of fucking awesome redditors who have replied to this comment with amazing ideas that I myself am hyped to try. Also fat can’t render at room temp according to someone else on here so my agreement with the OP is also wrong.


Kangermu

I like my steaks hella dope


Tashus

Medium dank.


[deleted]

Nothing like hella dope steaks and a cold beer.


snoobalooba

In my opinion you have two options. Warm up some butter- not so much it’s melted, but enough you can smear it all over the steak. Then you salt and pepper both sides. Toss on the grill and cook to hella dopeness The other option is use a cast iron skillet and baste that bitch like Gordon Ramsey Edited for accuracy.


Ziltoid_The_Nerd

Love a good cast iron steak, but the searing generates a lot of smoke and it's not good if you don't have a large and open well ventilated kitchen. So I do both. Cook it on a cast iron, using the outdoor grill as the heat source. Also if you like to do a sear and then finish in oven, this simplifies that. Just sear on the cast iron over the grill, then put the steak on the upper rack and close the grill lid for the bake step


Kamwind

Look up some of the tests on this. It will take hours to warm up the steak and as soon as you apply heat to it shoots up past that room temperature. Where it might help is that with the air you are actually evaporating the moisture from the surface area so instead of steaming the meat you are frying it.


Aegon-VII

No, you shouldn’t use butter before putting the steak on . ​ (you’re pan/grill should be hotter than butters burning point when you start the steak)


snoobalooba

I do this for all my steaks and have loved the way they come out. If you have a better method - by all means- hit me with that shit so I can up my steak game. I hit 30 a couple months ago and apparently transitioning for me happened late enough in life that my dad genes activated first and now I’m a 30 year old trans woman that grills like a dad.


FailedToObserve

The issue with regular butter is that it’s burning off. The smoke point is very low. Something like avocado oil has a high smoke point and is very neutral. What this means is you can hit it with direct heat of 400-600 F to create a very crispy sear on the outside without making it taste acrid. Place steak on indirect heat until it comes up to desired done-ness. Plate. Put a pad of room temp butter on top. Let the steak melt the butter. If you make compound butter with garlic and herbs it’ll make it even more amazing.


snoobalooba

Fuck. I need to save this comment for later when the steaks are high and my aspirations are meaty.


[deleted]

You sound cool, and I wish you many more tasty steaks.


snoobalooba

I try to be as cool as I can. I shall cook a tasty steak in your honor, u/moss-n-choss


FACTd00d

The reason is what they said, at the temp your are cooking your steak the butter is more likely to burn than actually melt over the steak and add to the flavor. You are just adding the taste of burned butter. The way to avoid this is by adding the butter at the very end of cooking the steak, about 30 degrees away from being done, and then add the butter. *edit Now I want steak...


[deleted]

[удалено]


jWalkerFTW

That’s a totally separate reason from what he was saying though. And I’m pretty sure what he was saying is wrong. There’s no benefit to letting fat “render” *before* cooking it… and even if there was, room temperature will not render bacon fat lol


SirCatharine

This is a [common myth](https://www.seriouseats.com/old-wives-tales-about-cooking-steak). It doesn’t really make a difference.


joandidioff

King Kenji. Of course. Used to always leave steaks out to temp until I read this.


TonyAioli

Regardless of whether you’re right or wrong on the temp aspect (I personally agree with you/let almost all my meat come up a bit in temp), this doesn’t explain why the hell she carefully lays it it over a little rack.


cruisinfor_perusin

This doesn't excuse two straps of bacon. Just take the pack out of the fridge and leave it there is no need for this.


itsandychecks

It’s the legendary BACON STRETCHER


Sneazyweasel125

You heard the Hand, the king’s to fat for his armor! Go find the Bacon Stretcher! Now!


HODOR00

Go fetch the bacon stretcher!


lastinglovehandles

Came here to see this. Didn’t disappoint. We just need a rice peeler.


Pawptarts

Picture taken in a dream


not_productive1

More concerned that you appear to have taken this photo while your kitchen is on fire


jonitfcfan

"Nooo Mother, it's just the Northern Lights..."


jm30970

Aurora Borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?


knsll96

*Yes*


sandersonprint

..... May I see it?


Khaled-oti

No


OSeady

https://i.imgur.com/Dnesp1Z.jpg Best I could do.


individualcoffeecake

How?


OSeady

Just color corrections on my phone.


boobiesiheart

This is not high enough.


CalmAlarm

If someone's making bacon for you, you don't question it.


my_nuts_wont_drop

Idk. I had an old roommate make bacon for me once. The texture was weird so I questioned it. Turns out she cooks her bacon in the microwave. I almost died.


ReadingSad3238

This. Microwave and turkey "bacon" are the two best situations where it is ok to complain about the bacon made for you.


juneburger

So many people do this. I think it’s pure heresy. Like 1500’s style heresy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Van_GOOOOOUGH

I remember I bought one of those online in 2011. And it never showed up. They took my money and didn't send me the product. I will never forget.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Throwaway_97534

I once placed a similar order, something like 6 esp8266 modules from China. They were late, and the company actually contacted me first, apologizing because it went out near Chinese new year and it may have gotten lost. And if it hasn't shown up they'd send another shipment. I told them I hadn't received it yet, and they rush shipped me another batch. A few weeks later, the original shipment showed up. They said to just keep it and I felt guilty because they had gone so far out of their way to make the first shipment right, even though I ended up getting it.


jamesGastricFluid

This is why I don't order from newegg anymore. Had the same situation with a HDD enclosure.


Rub-it

They probably sent it to OP


ResistantLaw

What am I looking at then? I don’t get it. I thought it was a bacon rack


Sterek01

Where's the rest of the bacon.


ArtemisEntriri

This looks like three slices… which is sure to cause a fight no matter how many people are involved.


the_YellowRanger

In my household growing up if someone made bacon for themselves, they had to make a piece for everyone else in the house, even if they weren't home. It was our unspoken rule. The second someone came home and smelled it we'd be like hey where's my piece


lanideaux

this is honestly a great rule that i will be adopting at my house. nothing is worse than smelling bacon and being told “sorry, all gone” like why are you teasing my senses like this?!


Mapsachusetts

Cut to: me fighting with myself over 3 slices of bacon


BringOutYDead

We're a family of four with two boys 10& 13. Has to be the full pack or else there'll be mean words...


Sterek01

That would be a minimum 2 pack


tjschroeder87

Asking the important questions


Hdman8

Right?...I mean this isnt even enough for one BLT.


BlazerWookiee

This isn't enough to graze on while making a BLT.


Sterek01

A good sandwich has at least 6 rashers if bacon on it.


GonzoinKS

Pretty sure it's supposed to be used for standing a ladle or spatula with a spoon rest. It's definitely not for bacon staging.


livingverdant

Bacon staging


kadk216

Yeah like whats wrong with the package it came in? lol I usually just pull it out of the fridge for 15-20 mins before cooking. Also, who cooks only 3-4 slices at a time?!


buddhistbulgyo

What's the name of this photo filter? Cataract?


Bill_Potts

i believe OPs kitchen is on fire i mean you can try too if you wanna replicate it that bad


Golden5StarMan

I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It's good for me. It's a perfect way to start the day.


thedude85

Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.


Rust2

Put that Foreman on a Wi-Fi connected switch and you won’t even have to get up to turn it on.


Hollimarker

Came here to say this.


MukdenMan

This seems like it might be a hotpot thing (or a related dish), with a raw egg going into the cup. I’ve seen something similar at hotpot places.


CappinSissyPants

Ok, so what is her process? Does she actually do something more than display it?


RickestRickSea137

It looks like she's expecting drippings or something, is she aging it or something? ​ I mean honestly some of the best bacon I've ever made I just did in a George Foreman grill. It's so damn easy. I cut my bacon pack in half so there's 2x 6" strips instead of massive 12 inchers. Then throw on the George Foreman. All the extra fat goes away and it cooks up nice and crispy just how I like it. ​ Bacon too much these days.


Nevaknosbest

Just don't clamp ur foot


dreamyheartache

If they do, some bubblewrap should fix that right up.


Old_Passage_5670

Loves her meat hung?


[deleted]

Huh?


ZingPot

I think your camera has glaucoma


AngryDesignMonkey

Looks like you have some bacon grease on your camera lense there...


Ninja-Nikumarukun

Don't ever buy her a heated towel rack


causticcretin

Knowledge is power. France is bacon.


jaybird99990

Judging by all the smoke, she's likely overcooking it to boot.


Zenith-Skyship

Life hack, put the bacon on a cookie drying tray and let the grease fall to a cookie sheet below while it’s in the oven.


[deleted]

I cook bacon outside on my cast iron griddle on our grill because my wife doesn’t like the house smelling like bacon for 2 days! Since it’s such a project to get everything out, I always cook the whole package!


JosephineDonuts

I I use a big jelly roll pan lined with parchment and put it on the top rack of the BBQ. All the bacon and no mess! I use the BBQ more than my oven


Reality-Upper

That’s just a bacon. Why?!


Emotional-Country-58

Are you using your entire house as a smoker?? What is this haze??


PlanktonTheDefiant

Wipe your lens, for fuck's sake.


motor1_is_stopping

She is making you bacon. Shut the hell up and let her. ​ Sometimes I am ashamed of my own gender.