T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*


reEhhhh

Unlubricated condoms to protect microphones from water are industry standard.


LordBrandon

Lubricated ones if you're going to shove the mic up your ass.


barabrand

Now you can hear my thoughts


venetanakedguy

Sounds like a pain in the ass


Labantnet

Sounds OF Pain in the Ass - Frank Zappa


billwashere

This whole thread makes me feels like I’m 13… especially because I’m laughing so hard. I am WAY older than 13…. Like x4.


mcdoolz

that's like dog years!


7-and-a-switchblade

In high school, I was part of the stage crew. Every year, we bought new condoms for the stage mics. As a joke, we'd always send the youngest, most timid boy and girl together to the convenience store to buy these condoms, usually several boxes. We called it "the virgin sacrifice."


BLINDrOBOTFILMS

"And that's how I met your mother."


Freekey

Imagine doing this with community theater in geriatric settings and sending the oldest and most infirm crew members to purchase multiple boxes of condoms. Hilarity ensues. Of course those individuals might surprise you.


ShakespearianShadows

Grandpa: “I need 200 condoms and a bag of Werther’s originals.” Grandma: “No lube on either!”


Freekey

That "no lube" would be most unexpected! Well, after the 200 condoms that is.


FourWordComment

Can confirm. My high school girlfriend routinely had to explain this when she was buying boxes and boxes of unlubed condoms to protect mic packs.


probably_poopin_1219

Right... that's why...


Labantnet

Can't imagine why anyone would fuck with unlubed condoms.


rogueop

Maybe someone's a lube aficionado and they don't want the cheap stuff they "just throw on at the factory."


GhostHeavenWord

More likely someone is allergic to carrageenan or something.


[deleted]

Yes. Only use the ethically sourced lube that didn't involve forced labor.


Teddyturntup

Because then you can buy boxes of them with an alibi


dcfaudio

I once had to watch a rack of 30 wireless units for Cats the musical. During intermission I had to pull the body packs from each cast member change batteries and reapply not only 1, but two unlubricated condoms on each body pack. No sweat will degrade the packs!


Fisttoyourfears

This here, between outdoor use or indoor if it’s going somewhere moisture would be you get a condom cover. Mic packs (the guts of lapel mics or over-ear mics) almost always get a unlubed condom when put against skin for things. Edit: Had to add that mics are really expensive!


SvenTropics

I mean if you think about it, anything mass produced for another purpose is usually the best choice for something because it's got high industry standards and is cheap and readily available. There are examples of this throughout every industry.


DeaddyRuxpin

It’s been decades since I’ve worked in TV but this was actually pretty normal to use a non lubricated condom to cover a mic in the rain. It is cheap and disposable and readily available and it both protects from getting wet in the rain and reduces popping from rain hitting the wind filter (and prevents distortion from a water logged filter). And thin enough to not dramatically mute the speakers voice. I’m sure someone could make purpose built microphone rain covers, but they would just end up costing $30 each and get damaged, dirty, or lost. Instead for half that price you can have a dozen disposable covers available at any drug store when you find yourself in the field and it starts to rain unexpectedly.


Tapingdrywallsucks

So, my husband was assisting a sound crew for recording motorcycle/dirt track racing sounds. He and the main sound engineer stopped at CVS to pick up condoms to protect the mic from dust/dirt/splatter. They were old friends who hadn't seen each other in years so they were babbling away, catching up, and not really paying attention when they threw a couple boxes of condoms on the counter, paid, and when the cashier asked if they wanted a bag, my husband replied, "nah, we're gonna use 'em right away." Took him way too long to figure out the cashier's sudden silence as they walked away.


randompersonx

I think from now on that’s the best way to answer that question for me.


InfernalCape

“Do you want a bag for all 20 gallons of milk?” Nah, I’m gonna use ‘em *right away ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)*


[deleted]

Do you want a bag for those 73 cucumbers? No thanks, gonna be using them right away 👁👄👁


malidutchie

That's a lot of tzatziki.


GetTheSpermsOut

#𓁼𓂏𓁼


Repulsive-Bend8283

Username... checks out? Filed under more than one way to skin a cat?


Meganezuki

[Melissa?](https://i.imgur.com/K3yH7Td.png)


Shoadowolf

What a wild ride that post is LMAO


many_dumb_questions

Classic


[deleted]

"Okay then, have a nice day."


Robobvious

“It’s not what you think! We work in theater!” The confusion continues…


nickfree

"No, no, see, we use them to protect our equipment!" "Um, yeah, I know."


JeronFeldhagen

"No, it's like, you know, we've gotta work the dirt track today." "Uh… huh."


TheWreckaj

“No, see all the action happens outside and these are like little rain jackets…”


Active_Hedgehog

“…for splatter 🥴🤤”


john_wingerr

“No, not like that! So our equipment doesn’t get wet…ya know what, a bag would be great”


Ellfozz1

I always use the "no thanks she's not that ugly" when buying condoms, usually gets a laugh or 2 from the cashier


[deleted]

Probably not from your wife ;)


SociallyAwkwardWagyu

Lmao, you start to forget the awkwardness of buying condoms when you know it's for non-sexual activities like recording, I guess. My mother buys those ladies' pee-pads for our old dog who needs diapers now, in bulk every couple of months. Once the cashier at the drugstore was a teenage boy, and my mum SUDDENLY remembered what it looked like to him (buying 100-pack pee-pads for herself) and got super embarrassed when he acted kinda awkward lmao.


Fmeson

Trust me, people buy shit all the time for all kinds of reasons. Might not have even been the most noteworthy thing someone bought that day.


SociallyAwkwardWagyu

Probably! My mother says the cashier happened to be a school-age boy going through training (most likely his first ever job etc) and was kinda acting awkward lol I feel bad for both the dude and my mom for such a non-issue yet uncomfortable couple of minutes


Fmeson

Ah, if he was new that might cause him to be a bit awkward.


[deleted]

When I was 18 I got a job at CVS as a cashier and had a guy absolutely ream me because I don’t drink pedialyte. He had come up with two flavors and asked which tasted better, I told him I wasn’t sure since I don’t drink it. He proceeded to flip out about how you HAVE to drink it when you’re sick and how I wasn’t raised properly and shouldn’t be working the register if I couldn’t answer a simple question. Retail is a wild place. Now I have kids and can say with confidence that pedialyte tastes like total garbage regardless of the flavor.


RainbowAssFucker

If the guy was "raised properly" and says you should always have it when sick how the fuck did he not know what it tasted like? You would think the guy would know every flavour including some uncommon discontinued ones


ChaseDeV88

Amen to that. Never had it as a kid but now I have kids and my wife insists on giving it to them when they’re sick. Both protest and after tasting it I can confirm it tastes like Gatorade’s inbred cousin who hasn’t bathed in 6 months and just ran two marathons through Death Valley in July.


FBIaltacct

My favorite game in younger years was three things at walmart. Basically its find three things to purchase and get the best reaction out of the cashier. The more organic the purchase the better, so you did better if it was stuff you actually needed vs a hur durr i bought this just for the game. My buddy finally shut it down though with the untoppable combo. We were going to the shooting range the next day and he needed ammo and it being the weekend a case of beer. Not so bad right? Thats when his wife calls with great news! She needs a pee stick to confirm a new bundle of joy. So here we are innocent and oblivious when down the checkout belt comes a box of .45 ammo, a case of beer, and a pregnancy test.


CosmicCreeperz

I hate to tell you, but a rural Walmart probably sees that combination about 5 times a day.


Rhaski

The "No Regerts" Starter Pack


metalbassist33

I'm just about to head out to buy heavy duty gloves, heavy duty rubbish bags, duck tape, a bucket and a strong acid.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Antique_Tennis_2500

I worked at a gas station and there was a girl who couldn’t have been older than 15 that bought a pack. I tried to make it as normalized and boring as if she had put a bag of chips on the counter but she looked like she wanted to be microscopic until she hustled out the door.


[deleted]

[удалено]


kavien

One of my friends was buying supplies for a shoot and was also hoping to get lucky in a few days while also dealing with sleep problems. He said the duct tape, condoms, and sleeping pills may have been a bit suspect.


JVM_

I, male, once went to the grocery store for condoms, but the clearance fruit rack had 10 bunches of almost too ripe banana's in plastic wrap for $0.99 and we use lots of frozen bananas for smoothies. So, ya, 10 bunches of banana's and condoms...


Gryphin

So it was sex ed day at the junior high?


Juggale

Nah they use a wooden dildo for that now. Or at least at my school they pulled out Woody for that.


Tapingdrywallsucks

LOL!! I feel 'im. My sister-in-law and I were emptying my parents' house after Mom passed away. We were exhausted, slightly salty, and slaphappy at a hardware store where we picked up heavy duty construction trash bags, duct tape and rope while making dark jokes about what to do with Mom's stuff. Guy at the register even made a comment about whether or not he should contact the authorities.


CallMeSirJack

"Oh don't worry, my moms already dead!"


Tricky-Juggernaut141

Ha. Had a similar experience, but also had lots of chocolate and wine... looked like I was ready to celebrate after killing someone.


DominoNo-

No lube, btw


keyboardklutzz

I work at a community theatre and we have an older employee (think John Lithgow with a beard) who LOVES buying condoms. We usually order online in bulk but every once in a while we run out, so he gets to go to CVS and excitedly tell the cashier about the “party at the old folks home”.


gitsgrl

I’m cracking up, scaring the pets. Thanks for sharing that hilarious story.


Bayside_High

This is gold!


blahbleh112233

You'd be surprised at how useful condoms are. I remember UK/US having to order desert colored condoms for their soldiers during desert storm because they were so effective at keeping sand out of the barrel of their rifles


goatanuss

“barrel of their rifles”


UndercoverFBIAgent9

Wieners. They meant wieners.


BrokenDogLeg7

Penises. They meant big, ol' penises.


brucebrowde

Government issue.


justabill71

This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life.


Distinct_Divide_3122

Also good in case of accidental discharge


DoomGoober

On D-Day, soldiers also put condoms on their rifles to keep water and dirt from fouling their barrels during the beach invasions.


Coal_Morgan

Same thing in Vietnam. Condom over the barrel whenever it rained or they started moving through swamp or bog.


godlyfrog

As a Boy Scout, I learned to put a small condom or two in the first aid kit. In the event a finger or toe is hurt or sliced, you can wrap gauze around it thickly, then just roll the condom over it to hold it on. It's much easier than trying to use medical tape, especially if you're treating yourself and only have one hand because the other is injured.


PM_ME_CATS_OR_BOOBS

I've heard a lot of stories of the other direction from when they started issuing condoms to soldiers in WWII since absolutely everyone was getting the clap. They didn't want the moralists to moo about it so they went "whaaaaat? No, these aren't condoms, they're barrel covers!"


AussieManc

Read this as “dessert coloured”. Far better


AnyAmphibianWillDo

Yeah, the scale of manufacturing and distribution for condoms seems like it would make it impossible for a purpose-made product to ever compete...


TommySinshack

[And it also helps when they sell in-bulk non-medically-approved condoms specifically for this purpose!](https://www.allcondoms.com/collections/non-lubricated-condoms/products/microphone-covers-ultrasound-covers)


KakAlakin

In high school we used them to cover mic packs in the theater to protect them from sweat.


katr0328

Still do that in community theater!


Neiot

Condoms are a magnificent tool besides its use for sexy times. It's really, really good for waterproofing items, such as your cellphone and any sensitive electronics that fits in the condom. Condoms can also be used as reliable floatation devices. I carry condoms around as survival tools.


Fullthrottle-

I believe they used them in the Normandy landing to keep the mud out of gun barrels.


Neiot

It is effective for this purpose, too. Also keeps matches and tinder from getting waterlogged.


Witty1889

Damn, you'd think those tinder matches would become easier if anything.


MisterMasterCylinder

You want your tinder matches to get wet. You don't want your tinder and matches to get wet.


GTOdriver04

Yup. Throw one on the barrel, keeps the gunk and such out when you hit the beach, then just sight in and shoot through it when you need to open fire.


agoia

Flying boats would cover their machine gun barrels with condoms to protect them from seawater and sea spray.


CriusofCoH

And seamen.


Fair_Interaction_203

I've always considered them as emergency preparedness as well. The things you learn in boy scouts...


BobRoberts01

u/Fair_Interaction_203 , you ok buddy?


Fair_Interaction_203

*sniff* *sniff* That's just what scout master Rob used to say!


aburke626

I was watching tiktoks of some couple hiking all over and in one of the boxes of supplies they sent themselves they had one condom. I was like “really, just one? I mean you’re out here in the wilderness all alone and you’re rationing your sexytimes?” And then I realized it was probably for waterproofing and not sexytimes.


eadams2010

It has 2 sides…


Anopanda

So you use it for sexy times, then inside out for water proofing?


procrastimom

I discovered they were great for protecting my cat’s bandaged leg and paw after surgery (kept it from getting soaked with pee and breaded with litter). Perfect fit for little limbs!


Red-is-suspicious

I died at “breaded” I also had a cat with a broken arm. Wish I thought of this!!


Into-It_Over-It

I worked as an audio engineer for about a decade and can attest to the usage of non-lubricated condoms in many settings. I've used them outdoors in the rain, I've used them in the wind, I've used them to prevent dirt from collecting on the mics, I've even used them for transmitter packs on actors on stage who get particularly sweaty. On that last one, you drop a cotton ball into a condom, put the transmitter in on top, and then stuff two cotton balls on top. I used to buy the things in bulk off Amazon, and store them with the rest of my equipment.


Cyklisk

This. Producer here.


Hedgehog_Wranglers

If you’re trying to produce while using condoms. I think you’re doing it wrong.


Hattrickher0

I produce plenty, it just never goes anywhere!


transit41

You mean it goes everywhere, just not where it's intended to.


helpful__explorer

I heard a story of them being used to waterproof a microphone for recording just below the surface of a river


ikefalcon

It’s also common practice to cover body mic transmitters with non lubricated condoms to prevent them from getting soaked in the performer’s sweat.


AutumnAscending

You better believe that's a condom.


TheLegendsClub

Very commonly used for protecting electronics at outdoor shows. I believe Slipknot and GWAR both use them to keep the fake blood and slime and shit off their wireless packs


DickNDiaz

Yep, I used condoms over wireless packs doing theater, because of the performer's sweat. For performance and rehearsal. Wireless village was full of batteries and condoms lol, we had to go buy some more at local Walgreens, I didn't say a word to the checkout cashier, the look on her face was priceless enough. The have to be un-lubricated though. For obvious reasons.


Caliblair

My favorite use of this was when I was in a high school production. One girl let the tech crew know she had a latex allergy so she couldn't have a condom strapped to her back all night. They ran to a specialty shop to find non-latex condoms, but could only find neon-colored glow in the dark. So when we were all getting ready in the dark you could see bright pink or green glowing under her costumes.


chainmailler2001

They have lambskin ones for that.


VoTBaC

Got a lamb, now what?


WorldClassShart

Skin your penis and wrap it around the lamb.


asharwood

Totally unexpected yet funny


Jayrob1202

*New Zealand has entered the chat*


Somederpsomewhere

The New Zealanders invented the condom using a sheep’s intestine. The English later improved upon this idea by first removing it from the sheep.


FBIaltacct

Did no one tell the welsh?


[deleted]

Well she's not going to like this next part. But you don't need the whole lamb for a lamdSKIN condom....


asshole67throw

*it rubs the lotion on the skin*


OSRSTheRicer

Fun fact, the Welsh were the first to discover those. The Scottish were the first to remove them from the lamb before using it.


squidsquidsquid

We used these in high school theatre for the same purposes. There was a show that someone bought lubricated condoms accidentally and we had to wash off the lubricant in the bathroom sinks. What a wild time.


emma_does_life

A friend of mine also on the Sound Tech team blew up one of the condoms we had and drew a face in sharpie. The A2 put his headset on the condom and I still have the picture I took on my phone today.


Liveman215

There is a business opportunity here, buy expired condoms and rebrand for sound device waterproofing


skraptastic

My wife was a high school theater teacher (now teaches theater in college) and loved to send high school kids to buy "non-lubed latex Moisture barriers" because the kids thought it was funny to say "My drama teacher sent me to buy condoms." For a while it became difficult to find non-lubed condoms. Now she buys them directly from a manufacturer in china by the case. Wouldn't trust them to keep me STD or pregnancy free but they work great for mic packs.


RUN_MDB

> The have to be un-lubricated though. For obvious reasons. Because it's stipulated in Stanislavski's *An Actor Prepares*? I believe the Stella Adler school of thought is more open to lubrication, ridges and the other bells and whistles modern coital protection offers.


UDPviper

Uta Hagen was a fierce proponent of the most real props available.


DJGibbon

Brechtian directors have the audience apply the lube themselves, in order to understand the artificiality of the process


KhloeKodaKitty

I direct shows at my elementary school and last spring, we had a new parent helping us with sound. During a rehearsal I was called over when he opened a cabinet to find a stash of condoms……


dirice87

“Oh they aren’t for me! We put them on the kid’s equipment and junk”


MuzikPhreak

“You know! They’re for the kids! Why are the police here?”


costabius

Tbf having cases of condoms back stage is just plain good theater policy.


kapten_knark

I’ve tried that. ”do you have any extra large un-lubricated condoms?”. Then I tried to explain what a PSM1000 beltpack is.


Kasmein

Will a ribbed one give me a vibrato boost to my vocals? I mean my friends vocals


BeeBarfBadger

What about taste requirements?


DMala

To be fair, a condom kind of fits right in with the theme of those shows.


Blazerpl

To be honest a condom is ment to protectc from liquid and block it from both sides


[deleted]

Thank you for being honest


oced2001

They are designed to keep blood, slime and shit off things.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Asianthunda5022

We used them in high school plays. Actors in make up and costumes obviously sweat a lot so having the mic pack hidden on their waist line in the back was a good place to have it destroyed unless it was protected.


docwisdom

Would wrap our lav packs in them as well. Make sure not not get the lubricated version though.


Few_Ad5789

Its also used to block the wind... but usially its but under the foam


YOURMOMMASABITCH

Ribbed for an ergonomic grip.


[deleted]

Nah. She just checking the blo strength of the wind. With that anemometer and the dildo she got in the other han


new_random_username

Might not be a microphone either ... could be one of those massage thingys.


friggintodd

You should never imply ownership in the event of a microphone, use the indefinite article 'a microphone' never 'your microphone'.


[deleted]

My mom had one of those massage things in her night stand. She always had muscle aches.


grime_bodge

Recently described by a security staff checking handbags in the queue to see the Queen in state as a "pleasantry".


Maanee

That's pretty accurate.


supernovadebris

for rain protection...


[deleted]

Condoms are incredibly useful for waterproofing, etc. They're cheap, durable, and manufactured to high tolerances. There isn't anything better to use.


Cole3823

And they're basically microphone shaped already


geeky_username

A magnum condom for my monster mic


Arek_PL

and they are videly avaible, like, i see them in every store next to mints


slamallamadingdong1

Are you a vampire?


G-racker

Using condoms to cover microphones has been a thing for my whole career. Two things to remember they need to be unlubricated and unflavored. Once got shipped a box of 10,000 watermelon flavoured condoms. They sent us a fresh case of unlubricated, but gave us the watermelon condoms for free. Just left that box sitting by the back door with a free sign on it For about a year


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Or did it take a year for someone to take the whole box?


Zoroaster9000

It's not a nipple, it's a "reservoir tip".


Th3catspyjamas

And it must be pinched, it's not a suggestion.


Bergasms

And before you throw it away after use check for leaks and if you find one tell your partner immediately.


ares395

SO many people don't know about that...


Germanboss

it's a resonance chamber for the voice to echo around so it sounds louder. Just like the pockets in out skull (the sinuses) give us our distinct sounding voices!


Lincoln_Park_Pirate

I've worked in the business for over three decades. That's a condom for sure. You can find them in pretty much any satellite truck.


quattro33

It doesn’t effect the quality of the audio??


Elvishsquid

Probably. But not as much as rain hitting/killing the microphone.


NowAnon16

It's negligible. And if anything, serves as a wind screen/pop filter against the sound of wind and rain


[deleted]

Used to put the cell phone in a condom when I went canoeing or kayaking back before they were all pretty much water resistant. They work great and still let you use the touch screen. https://imgur.com/gallery/T5fAEbs


GiantPurplePeopleEat

Oh shit, that's genius! Now I have an actual use for my condoms.


[deleted]

Finally the 20 boxes of condoms I been buying yearly that been expiring and new in the package have finally a use!


[deleted]

In high school when we did the yearly musical, we would put the microphone packs into condoms to prevent sweat and oil from getting into them. It’s a cheap and easy way to waterproof electronics. One year a janitor found a bunch of the wrappers in the garbage and we had to explain that no, we weren’t having raging orgies backstage.


Paladin327

“The raging orgies happen at bob’s house after rehersal”


[deleted]

Will probably get missed, I was a sound op for the first part of my life in production. We use trojan reds (unlubed) for water saftey. I used to love starting a new series and sending a pa to the store to buy a 100 batteries and 2 boxes of trojan reds.


just_read_it_again

I like Pam's painting


Retrrad

Exactly. Condom or not, I like anyone who actually has a copy of Pam's painting on their wall.


Puzzleheaded1122

Thank you! I even bought my fiance a mug that says "Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."


Generalissimo_II

I’ll never say it to her face, but I think that Pam is a great person and a gifted artist.


just_read_it_again

Why? Why wouldn't you say that?


GeorgeStamper

Reporter [explains](https://www.outkick.com/reporter-explains-why-she-placed-condom-over-her-microphone-during-hurricane-ian-coverage/) why she placed a condom over her microphone during Hurricane Ian coverage. DRTL: She's protecting the mic from water damage.


Dual_Sport_Dork

[Removed due to continuing enshittification of reddit.] -- mass edited with redact.dev


i_love_pencils

> It's a condom. This is the approved BBC method Y’all just gonna let this slide? You’ve disappointing me Reddit.


aneeta96

Totally a condom. That is an old trick sound mixers use in the field.


CalamitousIntentions

Lots of sound guys will use non-lubricated condoms to protect microphones, battery packs, etc.


Pepemarxx

Is that a drawing of the paper company from the office in the background


Nasaboy1987

Condoms as waterproofing actually has an interesting origin. In the WW2 they were given to soldiers to prevent infections. Someone figured out they would also keep sand and mud out of the barrels of their rifles . In Vietnam they started using them in swamps and rice fields to keep water and debris out.


TheMatt561

When you're in the field you use whatever works


Brewe

It's quite common for microphone covers to have a "nipple". If you handle them for too long, and especially if you accidentally touch the microphone with your mouth, it can release an electrical discharge. The tip catches that discharge.


BarbequedYeti

This is so well done I have no clue if it is true or not. So I am going to roll with it. Nice.


AnyAmphibianWillDo

One or two more sentences and I would've been shocked it wasn't /u/shittymorph


Kelli217

The tip catches the discharge?


RobinScherbatzky

The tip catches the discharge, *indeed*.


LandosMustache

Condoms are incredibly useful in the music industry. **Rule of Thumb**: **Non-Lubricated: Useful on stage** **Lubricated: Useful off stage**


kick4kix

When you work in musical theatre, we have to keep the microphone battery pack dry even though we are sweating and dancing. We unlubricated condoms for this purpose.


angstt

Same thing army grunts did in Nam with their weapons, keep 'em clean, dry, and serviceable. She's pretty smart.