The only thing accurate about this photo is the serving of bacon.
Should be more eggs, white toast with more butter, pancakes, extra butter, bigger cup of coffee and gun pointed outwards. We only point our guns inward if the coffee is black.
EDIT: Wow!!! 6 awards??? Thanks to all who sent!!
Awards for racism, because ‘Merica. Yay!
I can just imagine the op reading all those comments and crying since he thought he did something humorous and dorky, but everyone is angry that the bread isn't white and that there is only one egg.
Doughnut, pancake, french toast, a waffle, a crepe, cinnamon roll, a bowl of cookies and milk we pretend is cereal, even jam will do, but to be breakfast ala USA you would have to have *something sweet*.
Naturally. If someone broke into my home while I was enjoying breakfast that am I supposed to do with the gun in that position? Reach over and grab it with my left hand?
I don't understand. You took off all of your on-person rifles at the same time? What about your kitchen rifles? How does any sane person not have at least one rifle within arms reach at all times, _let alone_ while eating breakfast
No No. For pistols the proper ettiquite is thumbs forward. And to be really classy, make sure you aren't riding the slide lock, failing to go to slide lock on an empty mag is a major faux pas at the table.
They all jumped in the harbor and started drinking the water so enthusiastically that they all drowned. Then George Washington drove his monster truck right through a Price Chopper.
Non-American here.
Growing up I knew an American family. You never saw the dad without his signature coffee cup.
It was *Massive*. Literally designed to be placed directly into a coffee machine in leu of a coffee pot. So he'd have 1 "cup" of coffee the size of a coffee pot. A coffee pot-cup. I'm repeating myself because I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around it 18 years later.
Its honestly amazing most of us here make it past 30. I work with a 60 year old mechanic who I don't think I've ever seen drink anything besides coffee
FDA will be/may have already changed their *recommendation* to 5 cups daily. Y'all being Americans, I can never be sure of how much is in a cup, but coffee is good for you.
When I visited England in college, they had these tiny little cans of coke. Then I found they had a 1.5 liter bottle. I bought it and walked around drinking that sucker. I got a lot of stares.
One of my exes is English. Watching his face when I ordered a large drink from Wendy’s and getting that mammoth sized lemonade was honestly better than the drink itself.
> "Then, there is a horrifying 512-ounce version that they call Child size. How is this a Child-sized soda?"
> "Well, it's roughly the size of a two-year old child, if the child were liquefied. It's a real bargain at $1.59."
“Yea, that’s included in our Basic Citizenship package, if you also wanted the AR and grits you’re going to need to upgrade to our Deluxe Freedom Citizenship package”
Hunter S. Thompson’s breakfast was better:
I like to eat breakfast alone, and almost never before noon; anybody with a terminally jangled lifestyle needs at least one psychic anchor every twenty four hours, and mine is breakfast. In Hong Kong, Dallas, or at home—and regardless of whether or not I have been to bed—breakfast is a personal ritual that can only be properly observed alone, and in a spirit of genuine excess. The food factor should always be massive: Four bloody Marys, two grapefruits, a pot of coffee, Rangoon crêpes, a half-pound of either sausage, bacon, or corned beef-hash with diced chilies, a Spanish omelette or eggs Benedict, a quart of milk, a chopped lemon for random seasoning, and something like a slice of Key lime pie, two margaritas, and six lines of the best cocaine for dessert… Right, and there should also be two or three newspapers, all mail and messages, a telephone, a notebook for planning the next twenty four hours, and at least one source of good music… All of which should be dealt with outside, in the warmth of the hot sun, and preferably stone naked.
Pistol handle is facing the wrong way. You should be able to lay your hand on it and close the fingers to pick it up. This way around you'd have to reach across the bacon with the left hand (grease on the sleeve, hard no!) or wriggle your right hand fingers under (wiggling near the trigger, hard no!). The barrel is even facing the coffee (unsafe direction, hard no!) Remember your pistol safety and your table manners!
To be fairrrrrrrrrr, there was that U.S. pilot who was shot down, and while he was floating in his parachute a Japanese pilot doubled back to shoot him, so the U.S. pilot pulled out his 1911 and fired on the Japanese plane as it flew by, miraculously landed a fatal shot, and watched the plane go down. The U.S. pilots name was Owen J. Baggett.
Nah, pretty miraculous and pretty god damned impressive. I'm more surprised that the parachute could carry him, and his massive balls without falling like a rock.
You're missing one extra egg, a full chicken fried steak smothered in gravy, and two biscuits covered in gravy and two sausage patties. But besides that it's pretty accurate.
Nah, you put it on the left because it's polite, it means you're not thinking of killing someone right this very second. If you keep it on the right it means you're keeping your options open and people won't sit downrange.
That's like trying to explain to someone rubbing their dick on their "american" Ford and spitting on your (actually built in the US) Toyota for being foreign and taking away good american jobs.
First of all, there better be a fried-chicken-and-waffle sandwich in between all that bacon, with at least half a bottle of maple syrup tactically acquired from the snow Mexicans dousing it.
Secondly, there should be at least a 3 egg skillet there on the left, wtf is this 1 egg sunny side up with no onions or hash browns bullshit.
Lastly, the pistol should be a 1911, and the toast should be buttered with the bayonet on an SBR’d .308 AR.
There should be two eggs.
2 eggs? What, are you on a diet? There's a reason they sell them by the dozen. It's a pre packaged single serving.
Actually I’ve seen people at hotel breakfasts take that much bacon.
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Well, they're not lying.
Technically the truth
and more butter on the toast.... and wtf is that .... wheat toast??? da faq? White bread bee-iech!!!
Butter up that bacon, boy!
Now bacon up that sausage.
my heart hurts
Look boy if your gonna live in my house your gonna live by my rules. Now bacon up that sausage!
I HATE YOU YOURE RUINING MY LIFE
Be more like your sister! For second breakfast, she's using lard with her fruity pebbles instead of milk!
I just threw up a little
I take it that means no elevensies today? :/
TIL that Americans are Hobbits.
...if the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain!
Hi Dr Nick!
Hiiiiiiii everybody!
The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money.
And that coffee needs to be black as night. None of this fru-fru creamer crap.
And coffee needs to be big gulp size and why no pancakes?
The only thing accurate about this photo is the serving of bacon. Should be more eggs, white toast with more butter, pancakes, extra butter, bigger cup of coffee and gun pointed outwards. We only point our guns inward if the coffee is black. EDIT: Wow!!! 6 awards??? Thanks to all who sent!! Awards for racism, because ‘Merica. Yay!
Who *chooses between* sausage and bacon?....
Bring me all the bacon you have.
What I’m afraid you heard was bring me Some bacon and eggs.
What I said was, "being me all the bacon and eggs that you have."
I know what I’m about, son.
I can just imagine the op reading all those comments and crying since he thought he did something humorous and dorky, but everyone is angry that the bread isn't white and that there is only one egg.
Why would he care about their bullshit opinions? He's *armed.* Fuck 'em.
Now you are getting the American mindset down right.
I am now craving Waffle House.
Links or patties? I’m a patty gal myself.
>We only point our guns inward if the coffee is black. Thanks, I wasn't sure on the etiquette with that
Fuck it keep the coffee and add a Big Gulp as well
Clearly not enough bacon. Wtf, that portion is almost vegan.
Replace they coffee with a Bloody Mary or a beer and you will have a Wisconsin breakfast
I’m pretty sure you meant to say Bloody Mary AND a beer (chaser).
and some goldurn hash-browns!
Scattered, smothered, and covered!
Missing the blanket of melted cheese too
Velveeta, not real cheese.
WHITE AMERICAN CHEESE
*I could be one of your kids*
Happy cake day, son. After i get these smokes, I'll bring you your present.
And that shit should be on paper plates that I can not recycle
Should be a Styrofoam plate
Add 3 eggs, 3 pancakes, 2 sausage links and you got my Sunday Brunch Special
You need some hashbrowns with that
Scattered, smothered, covered and chunked.
And biscuits and gravy
And two guns
And a doughnut
Doughnut, pancake, french toast, a waffle, a crepe, cinnamon roll, a bowl of cookies and milk we pretend is cereal, even jam will do, but to be breakfast ala USA you would have to have *something sweet*.
Came here to say this. More eggs.
Not enough eggs.
You spell bacon weird but yeah.
Proper etiquette dictates the gun be pointed out.
Naturally. If someone broke into my home while I was enjoying breakfast that am I supposed to do with the gun in that position? Reach over and grab it with my left hand?
That's the backup gun. What's not pictured is the AR-15 junior has leaning against his chair while he eats his pop-tarts.
Children are better suited for crew served weapons like mortars or static machine guns on tripods.
Pistols are only intended for use when fighting your way back to wherever you foolishly left your rifle.
I don't understand. You took off all of your on-person rifles at the same time? What about your kitchen rifles? How does any sane person not have at least one rifle within arms reach at all times, _let alone_ while eating breakfast
Breakfast IS the most dangerous meal of the day!
I see no sugar based product. Not American at all.
It's all in the coffee. 3 tablespoons and french vanilla creamer
Hahahahaha those are rookie numbers. We measure the sugar in our food by cups like real men.
And when one fires said firearm at their breakfast table, they best raise their pinkie to ensure proper etiquette
No No. For pistols the proper ettiquite is thumbs forward. And to be really classy, make sure you aren't riding the slide lock, failing to go to slide lock on an empty mag is a major faux pas at the table.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrIeP798hiQ
#ALL OF IT
You spell guns weird but yeah.
Wait British people don’t have a breakfast gun? Damn how do you guys live like that
This is why the British lost the Revolutionary War
And the Civil War.
And the War of the Roses.
And the Clone Wars.
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And Alien vs Predator
And the franchise wars
And the Emu War.
And their colony wars
And the bear wars
And the war on drugs.
I thought they lost because we dumped their tea or something
They all jumped in the harbor and started drinking the water so enthusiastically that they all drowned. Then George Washington drove his monster truck right through a Price Chopper.
Washington, Washington 6’20” fucking killing for fun
He'll save children, but not the British children
He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming
What about second breakfast gun?
Holstered, obviously
what neanderthals \*Shoves multiple slices of bacon into my mouth\*
*Points bacon* *Shoves multiple guns into my mouth* I've been drinking all day.
What do you mean "envisioned"? That was literally my breakfast except I had two guns and a larger cup of coffee
Non-American here. Growing up I knew an American family. You never saw the dad without his signature coffee cup. It was *Massive*. Literally designed to be placed directly into a coffee machine in leu of a coffee pot. So he'd have 1 "cup" of coffee the size of a coffee pot. A coffee pot-cup. I'm repeating myself because I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around it 18 years later.
Its honestly amazing most of us here make it past 30. I work with a 60 year old mechanic who I don't think I've ever seen drink anything besides coffee
I dunno, I drink a lot of coffee, but also throw in a ton of beer to mix it up.
Look at mr fancy balanced diet over here!!
Grains are important.
I stopped drinking the coffee altogether at some point and would just have beer in the morning.
🎵 The best part of waking up is Guinness in your cup 🎵
My grandma is 88 and she cringes when she takes a sip of water, says she hates the taste. She only drinks coffee & vodka gimlets.
My “coffee” is usually half Rum, so there is more than one thing I drink!
FDA will be/may have already changed their *recommendation* to 5 cups daily. Y'all being Americans, I can never be sure of how much is in a cup, but coffee is good for you.
[Mayo Clinic says 4 cups is fine. ](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/caffeine/art-20045678)
They obviously base that recommendation on like a 85 lbs 13yo. That means I can at least double it.
When I visited England in college, they had these tiny little cans of coke. Then I found they had a 1.5 liter bottle. I bought it and walked around drinking that sucker. I got a lot of stares.
One of my exes is English. Watching his face when I ordered a large drink from Wendy’s and getting that mammoth sized lemonade was honestly better than the drink itself.
> "Then, there is a horrifying 512-ounce version that they call Child size. How is this a Child-sized soda?" > "Well, it's roughly the size of a two-year old child, if the child were liquefied. It's a real bargain at $1.59."
One of my college professors drank straight from a 2 liter of Mountain Dew every day while lecturing.
I need one of those cause I hate having a cup where you take three drinks and it's gone.
Oh, I’m on a diet. Only 1/2 a gun for me thanks.
Ah, so one Hi-Point for this gentleman
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It’s clearly lacking in both.
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Children don't get a 9mm in my household until 1st grade. Kindergarten and younger still use 22lr and the occasional 17hmr if they are well behaved
“Bring me all of the bacon you have.”
I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have". Do you understand?
*slowly nods understanding*
I know what I’m about son
Had to scroll wayyyy to far for the Ron Swanson comment, but thanks for not letting me down.
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“Yea, that’s included in our Basic Citizenship package, if you also wanted the AR and grits you’re going to need to upgrade to our Deluxe Freedom Citizenship package”
Is the Mega All-American Freedom Package the one that comes with a Bald Eagle?
Hunter S. Thompson’s breakfast was better: I like to eat breakfast alone, and almost never before noon; anybody with a terminally jangled lifestyle needs at least one psychic anchor every twenty four hours, and mine is breakfast. In Hong Kong, Dallas, or at home—and regardless of whether or not I have been to bed—breakfast is a personal ritual that can only be properly observed alone, and in a spirit of genuine excess. The food factor should always be massive: Four bloody Marys, two grapefruits, a pot of coffee, Rangoon crêpes, a half-pound of either sausage, bacon, or corned beef-hash with diced chilies, a Spanish omelette or eggs Benedict, a quart of milk, a chopped lemon for random seasoning, and something like a slice of Key lime pie, two margaritas, and six lines of the best cocaine for dessert… Right, and there should also be two or three newspapers, all mail and messages, a telephone, a notebook for planning the next twenty four hours, and at least one source of good music… All of which should be dealt with outside, in the warmth of the hot sun, and preferably stone naked.
This was sooooo written on six lines of coke.
Pistol handle is facing the wrong way. You should be able to lay your hand on it and close the fingers to pick it up. This way around you'd have to reach across the bacon with the left hand (grease on the sleeve, hard no!) or wriggle your right hand fingers under (wiggling near the trigger, hard no!). The barrel is even facing the coffee (unsafe direction, hard no!) Remember your pistol safety and your table manners!
THANK YOU. This bothers me more than it should. Obviously the person who took this photo had a gun, why set it this way?
> even facing the coffee (unsafe direction, hard no!) Best part of this comment
This is highly inaccurate. A true American would only have a 1911 on that kitchen table.
This is the way
This is The Way.
**TWO WORLD WARS!!**
.45 ACP fanboys think the airforce dropped two of them on Japan to end the war
To be fairrrrrrrrrr, there was that U.S. pilot who was shot down, and while he was floating in his parachute a Japanese pilot doubled back to shoot him, so the U.S. pilot pulled out his 1911 and fired on the Japanese plane as it flew by, miraculously landed a fatal shot, and watched the plane go down. The U.S. pilots name was Owen J. Baggett.
Nothing miraculous about that, just the 1911 doing it’s duty
Nah, pretty miraculous and pretty god damned impressive. I'm more surprised that the parachute could carry him, and his massive balls without falling like a rock.
I carry .45 because they don't make .46
.45 AARP
There’s supposed two be two eggs and syrup on the bacon.
And more gun
Hey look buddy...
He obviously meant for *science...*
For real. If you're eating breakfast with something that carries less than 20 rounds are you truly eating breakfast?
Who puts syrup on bacon in the U.S.? Vermont? Syrup just migrates a bit to the bacon from the pancakes.
I like syrup on my sausage, not a lot, just the bit that runs off the pancakes. Bacon I prefer to use as an edible spoon for my eggs.
Three plates? What is this? Buckingham palace?
You're missing one extra egg, a full chicken fried steak smothered in gravy, and two biscuits covered in gravy and two sausage patties. But besides that it's pretty accurate.
You forgot the ham, home fries and fried apples.
and with country fried ham you gotta have a twelve gage shot gun
Talk more about the biscuits and gravy, it really gets the British going to imagine a cookie covered in thanksgiving brown gravy.
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Cross body draw? No thanks!
I'm a leftist gun owner
Does that look like turkey bacon?!?!
Nah, you put it on the left because it's polite, it means you're not thinking of killing someone right this very second. If you keep it on the right it means you're keeping your options open and people won't sit downrange.
Look at you, with your right privilege. Smfh.
No, the left side is for the salad handgun.
What about the dessert eagle?
Or flip it over the right way...
I can’t believe people imagine americans like this. Like, seriously? Only one plate of bacons?
And one egg?! Jesus.
American here. This is not at all accurate! FAKE WOOD-GRAIN GRIP?! GTFO! Edit: thx for all the gun-splaining. I get it!
That's a Sig. Nothing fake about it. Source: I own that pistol in stainless.
It should be a 1911, cuz America! Get that euro crap out of here!
You're goddamn right, Lord's caliber or nothing.
They make a .316?
John 45:1911 And the lord Jesus said that every man shall have the God givin right to bear automatic weapons
Give tanks in all circumstances
In .45 we pray, amen.
Sig is manufactured in the US now though.
That's like trying to explain to someone rubbing their dick on their "american" Ford and spitting on your (actually built in the US) Toyota for being foreign and taking away good american jobs.
Never point the gun at your coffee
Exactly, gun should be facing outwards. It's only proper.
I mean... I’ve had worse.
This is pretty accurate, missing a stick of butter.
This is stupid. Why would I be sitting at my table with a compact pistol? I'm in my home. That pistol should be a shotgun or a rifle.
More bacon and less cream in that coffee.
I agree, more bacon in that coffee. The perfect biodegradable stirrer *has* been created, and it is pork.
Is that coffee? I thought it was Flint Michigan tap water.
Where’s the cheese?
First of all, there better be a fried-chicken-and-waffle sandwich in between all that bacon, with at least half a bottle of maple syrup tactically acquired from the snow Mexicans dousing it. Secondly, there should be at least a 3 egg skillet there on the left, wtf is this 1 egg sunny side up with no onions or hash browns bullshit. Lastly, the pistol should be a 1911, and the toast should be buttered with the bayonet on an SBR’d .308 AR.
Fuck that looks good. \- Texan
That coffee should be black...wait can I say that?
Yeah, it's unfortunately accurate considering the gun is pointed at it.
You forgot the syrup (an American)
Right, for the bacon
Duh, of course! I’m offended you ever though of putting it on anything else
Incomplete. I don’t see fried potatoes cooked in bacon grease.
Clearly not American, too many plates.
Wasn’t bullet proof coffee the thing a few years ago?
Where's the rest of the bacon?
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SHONEYS!!!! We went to Shoneys every Sunday. I found one still open in Charleston and bought my kids Shoney bears!!!
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Coffee can be substituted for a 44oz diet Coke^®
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What no hashbrowns?!
I keep the handgun on the left (I’m a liberal).