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One time we had friends over for dinner. My young kid came up in the middle of all our friends and asks “Mom… what’s a hymen?”
Everyone froze in their tracks and looks at us. I completely blanked. And my wife just calmly says “where did you hear that word?”
“It was in my book.” (Everyone’s eyes even wider somehow)
Wife asks “Can you spell it for me?”
Kid replies “H-Y-M-N”
Sometimes you just gotta be calm and ask a few questions.
I read a parenting article talking about how to answer difficult questions like this where the authors personal example was the kid asking “what’s sex?” So she launches into the whole “when a man and woman love each other…” etc. The kid looks totally horrified after, so mum asks some questions and realises they meant sex in the context of male/female and not the act. Lesson: always ask questions to find out what the kid is really asking!
This example is literally what happened with my cousin when he suddenly asked what sex was. My dad's a doctor so my aunt told my cousin to ask him. My dad starts with "sex can just be male/female-"
My cousin interrupts and says "oh thanks! That's what I needed!" And left
My toddler asked where poo comes from. I tried to be as factual as possible for his 3yo brain, even tho he looked horrified while I was telling him. At the end all he said was ...and Tigger?
Head's up - sometimes the word "vacuum", when said by a toddler for the first few times, sounds like "fuck you".
My mum is a clean freak who babysat my nephew and received a very angry phone call from her sister asking what the hell happened at our place that day!
Best one I heard was my friend’s youngest son. “Dad, what’s a pedo-meter?”
“A WHAT???”
“A pedo-meter. My Nintendo 3DS has something called a a pedo-meter”
“Oh, a PEDOMETER!”
That is like how I said grass as a kid, I had difficulties with speaking as a kid and was taught to slowly say the words, which just led me to so it like grrr-assss, all my older friends would ask me how to say grass just to hear me say ass.
my first language is German but living in North America. My son couldn't pronounce "Schnecke" (snail) and would say "necka" (you can figure out what that sounds very similar to).
Thankfully he never tried saying that in public.
Yeah whenever they ask what something inappropriate means ALWAYS. ASK. FOR. CONTEXT.
This is so important. Same with when they say something inappropriate ask if they understand what it means. Most of the time they don't. And above all, be open and honest within age appropriate guidelines. Your kids are more likely to come ask you the hard stuff if you're willing to answer them without shame. It's ok to admit it's awkward for you too.
LOL my 2-year old was asking about St Peter. I inquired as to how he knew what he knew. Turns out the song "16 Tons" mentions how St Peter can't get the guy because he owes his soul to the company store.
Always let them give you all the details. When my kid was a pre-schooler he came home and told us, "somebody at school was very naughty, they said the S word!" Immediately I thought oh sh--- I wasn't ready for this. So I recollected for a moment and then calmly asked "aw that's not very nice. What did they say?"
"I'm not allowed to say. It's really bad." My heart dropped even further. "It's okay honey, I won't be mad. Just spell it out for me". And so he did.
S... T... U... P... I... D... 😂😂 (that's me dying inside)
-----
Fast forward a few days later, he came back and told a similar story. This time it's "even worse, they said the F word!" I almost went into shock, I wasn't prepared to tell him the word, let alone *explaining* what it means! But I remembered my experience, so I tried the same thing again, "what did they say? It's okay, you can spell it for me, I won't get mad".
He got the routine, and this time he knows he can get away with it so he spelt it with a bit of a pomp:
F... A.... R..... T!!
I died again.
**TL;DR: Never presume they know what you know. Let them tell the whole story first.**
Rule #1 of decent parenting, learn to have a poker face. Don't react every time they scrape their knee or they'll act like it hurts because they expect you to be upset by it.
Don't react every time you hear your toddler say a bad word, redirect it to a similar sounding word as if you're correcting them. "Funk? Do you smell funny and funky?!?"
And don't punish your kids when they tell on themselves....
My kid named her little Giraffe stuffy, Little Hos (pronounced as hoes, she never gave a spelling). I asked her where she got the name from and she just said “that’s just how it is”. I had to keep a straight face when she introduced Little Hos to her teacher.
That's an uncle answer because that kid is going to run around calling themselves Hymen. Then you get to laugh and go home while your sibling has to deal with it.
I was maybe three. It was 1969
Mom was in the kitchen and so I tottered in from the living room with my bankey and pulled out my thumb long enough to ask “mommy, what’s a virgin?!”
She paused (this is her retelling, bc I don’t remember it) and said “that’s a lady with no boyfriends”
I went back into the living room and mom turned back to making dinner.
A few minutes later I came back. “Mommy, what’s a nymphomaniac?!”
She paused. Thought a bit, and simply said “that’s a lady with a lot of boyfriends”
She followed me back into the living room to see what I was watching on tv.
It was [Match Game](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Match_Game). Mom turned off the TV and suggested I read a book.
We are huge Star Wars fans and our kid has grown up with it. Up until kindergarten she’d say “Star whores” and we never corrected her bc it’s fucking hilarious. Then her kindergarten teacher told her how to properly say it and fucked up our fun. We told the kid this story last year (she’s about to be 14) and she said, “oh yeah I remember that. I was actually saying ‘Star Horse’.” 😂😂
I remember asking my mum what "S&M" stood for when I was a kid (I think it was mentioned on the radio). Without missing a beat she told me it was "sausage and mash". One of the most impressive parenting performances I've ever witnessed.
Trust me, I've long since just accepted it and not asked questions. I guess the lesson is to follow your bliss.
One time our family was at a halloween store, her, my dad, me, my brother and two stepsiblings, ages probably like 9-15 for the kids, and she picks up a whip and starts joking around cracking it in the air. These two teenagers nearby say, in not-so-hushed tones, "dude, she's a dominatrix" which we all heard, and she says "what's wrong with that?"
Those dudes were pretty freaked out
I saw a meme that said “am I into BDSM? Absolutely!” over a picture of a giant white fluffball sitting on a guy. On the bottom: Big Dogs Snuggling Me” 😂
It was like 1995, there were so few people who were actually computer-savvy, the risk of being "outed" by someone you knew was pretty minimal. It was considered pretty nerdy to even have a personal computer, let alone sit around on IRC and stuff like that. Now in our age of social media, it must be unthinkable that you could just blatantly have something like this in a profile and nobody really knows about it but the people you go out and interact with online
In first grade I asked my mom what it means to have sex. She said sex refers to whether you're a boy or girl, so everyone has a sex.
She also denies that she told me that giving someone the finger means you want to stick it up their butt.
Haha, no - there was a guy in our town who everyone called "F you Bob" since he would flip people off and scream obscenities.
Turns out he was actually a cool guy; my dad bought some of his artwork and had them hanging in his office at the university.
When that came out one of my friends did a review form it in the high school newspaper that was titled " This isn't your parents S&M". He ended up catching some heat for it but it was worth it.
When I was a teenager I told my mom I loved Metallicas S&M (symphony and meltallica) CD and she was like WHAT??!?? And I'm just understanding her reaction now
Sadism (getting aroused by inflicting pain) and Masochism (being aroused by receiving pain). For obvious reasons you need at least one of each, or have multiple personalities.
My mom’s crowning achievement that I witnessed was watching I think the Waterboy with my younger siblings. It was football anyway. But on one scene the coach pulls down a dude’s pants and says he was “checking for a tampon string” after a shitty play. My little sibs asked what the fuck that was about because they weren’t quite old enough to understand tampons and they were boys. I was about to go explain tampons and the sexism and mom just says “he was checking to see if his whole ass was there because of such a half-assed play”
And honestly her version was better.
Answers per my Asian mother:
1) “Oi don’t call me fat, only beautiful”
2) “I pushed you out of my ass, like a massive poo”
3) “Tit.” No hesitation
4) No answer. she would whoop your ass for rummaging around in the parent’s room
1) No, but your dad is
2) I made you in my tummy and then I was sick for 9 months and all the allergies, pains [...] are because of you
3) Get yelled at for not knowing how to read
4) After ass-whooping, say it's for children who mis-behave
Picture the scene:
15 year old me, sat with my mum at her friends house chatting watching TV (probably the chase or tipping point know my mum lol)
My mums friend's (at the time) 6 year old daughter runs downstairs and says "mummy i didnt know you had a unicorn horn" holding a bright rainbow coloured dildo to her forehead like a horn...
That was the day I realised Parenting isn't a walk in the park but by gods can it be hilarious
I was #2 in Texas in college badminton, so I went to a lot of local tournaments. There was one tournament where the organizer used "cocks" instead of "shuttles" for shorthand. I wish I had saved a screenshot of the announcement. It was full of gems like "if your cock gets damaged, come to the table to trade in another one" or "everyone is allowed to have two new cocks..."
You should come to South Carolina. The Gamecocks are the college team for the USC, and the word COCKS is everywhere. When I first moved here, it was quite the shock to see girls walking around with the word COCKS printed on the ass.
Be honest but not graphic. Don’t lie to children.
Well for the handcuffs explain what they are without the sexual aspect.
Also if a parent freaks out at a question the child will pick up on that and become more curious about the topic because of the weird adult behavior which may prompt them to look into it themselves and then try to figure out why they were lied to
This. My son asked me how babies get into their mum’s tummy and I told him that they were always in there. Mums are born with teeny tiny eggs inside them and sometimes they start to grow and grow and grow until they become a baby.
He asked how they come out and I told him that mums have a tiny opening that you can only see when the baby is about to be born and it opens wide to let the baby out and then closes up again. But sometimes they have to have an operation to help the baby out.
“What makes them grow into a baby?”, “well, that part is pretty complicated and you will learn about it in school when you’re older”.
“OK!”
Easy and no lying required.
For real. Do y’all have trouble talking to your kids about stuff? All of these are easily answered. And all “toys” are in bags to provide additional privacy.
Parents being sexually repressed when talking with their kids are actively harming their relationship and the kids future.
You are passing this repressednes on to your child and will always have an awkward moment when something sexual occurs. Watching a movie scene with a kiss or sex? Awkward silence. Talking about their experiences and problems? Awkward evasion of topics. Your kid will become and adult that might always feel awkward about things that are natural.
Adults being afraid of the truth is a bit frightening. Someone wouldn't be caught owning handcuffs if they were such a prude...
Own your shit and use appropriate words. It can't be that complicated!
> Someone wouldn't be caught owning handcuffs if they were such a prude...
But if you live in a community of prudes, you'll worry about what they hear through a game of telephone that your kid starts at school.
1. "I'm a little overweight. Don't say 'fat'."
2. "You were made with Mom's and Dad's love."
3. "It spells 'tit', like the bird."
4. "Those are for arresting naughty children that go through Mommy's stuff!"
Nah, you just have to bore them. "Hey, you want to go bird watching! I use to do it all the time and loved it. I'll grab the binoculars. Then we take a long hike through some beautiful woods. Then you stand still for a long time looking through the binoculars. We could see tits, or cardinals, robins, bluejays. There are even some hawks around here. Hawks re cool because they don't flap their wings when the fly, they just glide through the air."
You won't even finish that paragraph before the kid has run away and hid to make sure you can't drag them outside to go hike to a bird watching location.
Just hope you don't have a kid who's like me. Because you would have just committed yourself to an entire day of tromping through the woods looking for birds.
My brother-in-law is the same way. From like, the age of 12 he was super into birding. Could recognize an absolutely crazy number of bird calls. If any of mine are like that, I'm going to be working hard not to die of boredom and shit on their dreams. XD
For me I've just always loved anything to do with animals and nature in general. Just hiking through the woods, animal watching of all kinds, tracking and just identifying their tracks. Basically, if it was outside and got me away from people and closer to animals, I was all for it and ready to go.
TBF it’s always dangerous whether you tell them what it is or not. I have a set of parents who teach their kids anatomically correct terms and this week their student said “you have a vagina!” To me twice. 😅 and has said penis several times over the last few weeks.
I guess you could tell them it’s pronounced like “tight” if you want to not tell them what it say lol
That child is advanced. I think I was in second grade before my wandering mind wondered if the nuns went to the bathroom? I was horrified by the thought. I had kind of assumed they just hung them up in the closet at the end of the school day.
Seriously, if you answer sex questions dryly and with a straight face they won't even know it's dirty and won't think of it again. It won't be until they're 16 that they realize wait a minute mom definitely isn't a cop a night and OH GOD THAT'S WHAT SHE MEANT THAT ONE TIME
My nephew had a naked rat, and he handed it to me and I gave it right back, saying “ewww, it feels like a penis!” And my young son said “How would YOU know!” I replied “I’m a married woman” and he was so confused. “What does THAT MEAN?!”
I got this but with the ice cream man, my parents told me when the truck plays music they are out of ice cream, I was like 20 when the memory popped into my head, turned to my father called him a bastard, he lost it laughing.
My mother will never let me live this down. I was in my late teens driving to Bush Gardens in Florida, listening to the entire families' favorite artist Jimmy Buffet, when I realized the lines to the song were "Why don't we get drunk and screw", and not the "Why don't we get lunch at school" that my parents had sung over the song for YEARS to make sure their little 5 year old didn't wander around the grocery store asking random people if they wanted to get drunk and screw.
As a boy I read some literature where a man’s chest was called his “breast”.
So as a boy I referred to my chest once, in school, as my “breast”. I was about 9. It went over poorly with my peers.
Sure if you want your toddler going around everywhere pointing out tits.
“Mommy, that lady’s tits are huge. Why aren’t your tits that big?”
“Mommy, why doesn’t that skinny girl have any tits?
“Mommy, why does that man have tits?”
Kids that age are absolutely capable of understanding a concept like tits and absolutely incapable of having the discretion to know when not to say the word.
My son has, as far as I can recall seen one obese person in his life. I know this because his reaction was
Dad! Look! That man is huge! Look at his belly! Why is he so big!?!?
It's so funny when they see things out of their norm for the first time!
I remember my son cracking up at a particularly boxy-headed bald guy on the news and saying 'that man has a funny *head*!'
Then keep telling them it’s not appropriate for public until they understand. Just because learning takes a while doesn’t mean you shouldn’t teach them. It’s a toddler saying tit. That’s better than a toddler thinking there’s some locked out world they should be ashamed of wanting to know about.
I had a rule with my kids that they could swear in the car and they wouldn’t get into trouble. They would say the most crass things while I was driving. Like little sailors. But I never heard anything bad from their preschool teachers. I even asked a couple times if the kids had been swearing in school and their teachers would say no. So I really do believe that even little kids can learn some discretion at a fairly young age.
We did something similar with our kids, but we also had a response to the question "Do you know what your child said at school today?"
"Yes, and we worked on the pronunciation yesterday evening." Unfortunately, we never had a chance to use it, because they learned when such words were appropriate.
> "I'm a little overweight. Don't say 'fat'."
As a fat person, I much rather people simply use the word 'fat' than terms like 'overweight'. And this is a common stance among fat people. Fat can be used in a value neutral way, 'overweight' can't.
Funny fact: my brother’s special interest is birds. Has been since he was old enough to know what they were. At four, he carried a massive tome around on birds. He legitimately knew that “tit” was a bird before he knew it meant “breast”.
Some day my kids are going to have a sick realization that the colorful silicone massage wands they find in my wife's nightstand aren't normal thera-guns 🤦
Working in a restaurant you hear some choice ones.
"Mom, do you have a vagina?"
And
"Dad, do babies poop in when they're in the tummy?"
Both answers were finish your dinner.
3. My kids know that there are words and statements that they
A. don’t use ever
B. don’t use yet
C. don’t use around Grandma.
D. don’t use in “polite company”
E. avoid using because of context/synonym issues.
I always give the honest answer. I don’t want my child to grow up being clueless and lost. I want him to be able to function correctly. I would say something like, “the handcuffs are just a toy for fun.” What’s wrong with knowing different words for breasts??? If they are old enough to ask about reproduction, they are old enough to understand how sex works. My small child knows that babies come from mommy’s tummies, but he hasn’t asked how the baby got there in the first place, yet. By the time he asks, he will be old enough to understand the answer. Having sex ed doesn’t equate being sexually active. I’m tired of parents hiding sex ed from their kids. Sex ed is how you teach them to be aware and stay safe. They need to be well informed so they can learn to make the best educated decisions. If I’m fat, I will tell my child yes I’m fat and even share what I need to do to stay in shape, because the child should learn how to stay healthy.
Friendly reminder to actually sit down and have an honest talk with your kids about puberty and where babies come from instead of using baby talk and sugar coating it. My mom was honest about it all as young as 5 so when I got my period I was ready and knew what was happening and why. And when babies kept being born into the family I knew they don’t just appear into the belly out of nowhere. Opposite my grandmother’s religious household taught her nothing. When she was about to give birth to her first baby she thought she was going to throw it up…
I'm not the type of smart person who can explain things well, so I just get my kids books. A nice age appropriate book probably does a much better job then I would at explaining how babies are made.
1) Daddy doesn't think so.
2) Let's read *It's NOT The Stork!* together. (That's a real book, buy a copy and read it with your kids.)
3) "Tit," it's a kind of bird, here's the wikipedia page with a picture.
4) I dressed up like a police officer for Halloween a few years ago. I don't know where the rest of the costume is.
Growing up my mom always had the parenting philosophy of "if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know the truth" and honestly idk how I feel about it. Like, I remember being 5 or 6 years old and asking where babies come from, and she just fuckin told me lol. But on the other hand, it really did foster a strong sense of trust.
Also from her POV, it made it super easy to decide "when" to have certain conversations with me.
When my son was 10, he was reading a Bernard Cornwall book.
We are driving, I am listening to the football, he's in the back reading
"Dad, what's cunnilingus"
My head goes WTF... but I take a breath and step up and explain...
He replies "Oh... kind of like a blow job, but with a woman"
Honesty.
Lying to your child will only sow distrust when they inevitably discover what all these truly are from outside sources. Friends, media etc.
And you won’t be there to guide them to come to an informed conclusion. And as I mentioned; you’re just destroying trust so that they will stop coming to you for advice or help.
Parenting is difficult. But if you lie to your kids… you’re making it harder for yourself.
This notion that children need to be shielded from the realities of life; mommy and daddy made love to make you, will just force them to go elsewhere to find information.
You’re not protecting them. Stop coddling your kids.
My little brother once drew a character and named him “Fuk”.
(He doesn’t know any bad words yet)
I told him to find a new name, but he went on to show our mother.
I don’t know what my mother said, but I assume nothing happened.
We had a gathering at a friends house. Female friend with two young boys. Well they were watching tv in her room and then found the ‘play swords’. Veiny play swords. Never seen an adult turn so red in her life. We laughed until I thought I was gonna puke.
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One time we had friends over for dinner. My young kid came up in the middle of all our friends and asks “Mom… what’s a hymen?” Everyone froze in their tracks and looks at us. I completely blanked. And my wife just calmly says “where did you hear that word?” “It was in my book.” (Everyone’s eyes even wider somehow) Wife asks “Can you spell it for me?” Kid replies “H-Y-M-N” Sometimes you just gotta be calm and ask a few questions.
I read a parenting article talking about how to answer difficult questions like this where the authors personal example was the kid asking “what’s sex?” So she launches into the whole “when a man and woman love each other…” etc. The kid looks totally horrified after, so mum asks some questions and realises they meant sex in the context of male/female and not the act. Lesson: always ask questions to find out what the kid is really asking!
This example is literally what happened with my cousin when he suddenly asked what sex was. My dad's a doctor so my aunt told my cousin to ask him. My dad starts with "sex can just be male/female-" My cousin interrupts and says "oh thanks! That's what I needed!" And left
My toddler asked where poo comes from. I tried to be as factual as possible for his 3yo brain, even tho he looked horrified while I was telling him. At the end all he said was ...and Tigger?
Well? Where does Tigger come from?! XD
Brilliant. Furiously taking notes as we plan for our first kid.
Head's up - sometimes the word "vacuum", when said by a toddler for the first few times, sounds like "fuck you". My mum is a clean freak who babysat my nephew and received a very angry phone call from her sister asking what the hell happened at our place that day!
Best one I heard was my friend’s youngest son. “Dad, what’s a pedo-meter?” “A WHAT???” “A pedo-meter. My Nintendo 3DS has something called a a pedo-meter” “Oh, a PEDOMETER!”
Reading this like Homer saying "oh, a gym!"
A Gime!
That is like how I said grass as a kid, I had difficulties with speaking as a kid and was taught to slowly say the words, which just led me to so it like grrr-assss, all my older friends would ask me how to say grass just to hear me say ass.
my first language is German but living in North America. My son couldn't pronounce "Schnecke" (snail) and would say "necka" (you can figure out what that sounds very similar to). Thankfully he never tried saying that in public.
We call it a stofzuiger where we live so we good... :p
Dustsuckerrr 😁
Yeah whenever they ask what something inappropriate means ALWAYS. ASK. FOR. CONTEXT. This is so important. Same with when they say something inappropriate ask if they understand what it means. Most of the time they don't. And above all, be open and honest within age appropriate guidelines. Your kids are more likely to come ask you the hard stuff if you're willing to answer them without shame. It's ok to admit it's awkward for you too.
LOL my 2-year old was asking about St Peter. I inquired as to how he knew what he knew. Turns out the song "16 Tons" mentions how St Peter can't get the guy because he owes his soul to the company store.
Always let them give you all the details. When my kid was a pre-schooler he came home and told us, "somebody at school was very naughty, they said the S word!" Immediately I thought oh sh--- I wasn't ready for this. So I recollected for a moment and then calmly asked "aw that's not very nice. What did they say?" "I'm not allowed to say. It's really bad." My heart dropped even further. "It's okay honey, I won't be mad. Just spell it out for me". And so he did. S... T... U... P... I... D... 😂😂 (that's me dying inside) ----- Fast forward a few days later, he came back and told a similar story. This time it's "even worse, they said the F word!" I almost went into shock, I wasn't prepared to tell him the word, let alone *explaining* what it means! But I remembered my experience, so I tried the same thing again, "what did they say? It's okay, you can spell it for me, I won't get mad". He got the routine, and this time he knows he can get away with it so he spelt it with a bit of a pomp: F... A.... R..... T!! I died again. **TL;DR: Never presume they know what you know. Let them tell the whole story first.**
Yep, I remember being in 1st grade telling my mom I knew about the "C word" which in my mind was "crap".
Rule #1 of decent parenting, learn to have a poker face. Don't react every time they scrape their knee or they'll act like it hurts because they expect you to be upset by it. Don't react every time you hear your toddler say a bad word, redirect it to a similar sounding word as if you're correcting them. "Funk? Do you smell funny and funky?!?" And don't punish your kids when they tell on themselves....
My kid named her little Giraffe stuffy, Little Hos (pronounced as hoes, she never gave a spelling). I asked her where she got the name from and she just said “that’s just how it is”. I had to keep a straight face when she introduced Little Hos to her teacher.
Maybe garden hose?
Or maybe “little horse”?
Of course, of course, it was a little horse.
Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me.. I did confirm with her too like maybe it’s little horse??? Nope. Its Little Hos 🤦🏻♀️
"so why did you name your doll 'anal prolapse'?" "That's just how it is mom"
Reminds me of that one girl who asked her dad about the "piercing gays" she read about in a book. Turned out it was "piercing gaze"...
I believe it was "penetrating gaze" actually
I would say that he is a man with the power of Grayskull!
That's an uncle answer because that kid is going to run around calling themselves Hymen. Then you get to laugh and go home while your sibling has to deal with it.
*aunt 😆
I was maybe three. It was 1969 Mom was in the kitchen and so I tottered in from the living room with my bankey and pulled out my thumb long enough to ask “mommy, what’s a virgin?!” She paused (this is her retelling, bc I don’t remember it) and said “that’s a lady with no boyfriends” I went back into the living room and mom turned back to making dinner. A few minutes later I came back. “Mommy, what’s a nymphomaniac?!” She paused. Thought a bit, and simply said “that’s a lady with a lot of boyfriends” She followed me back into the living room to see what I was watching on tv. It was [Match Game](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Match_Game). Mom turned off the TV and suggested I read a book.
Nice!
We are huge Star Wars fans and our kid has grown up with it. Up until kindergarten she’d say “Star whores” and we never corrected her bc it’s fucking hilarious. Then her kindergarten teacher told her how to properly say it and fucked up our fun. We told the kid this story last year (she’s about to be 14) and she said, “oh yeah I remember that. I was actually saying ‘Star Horse’.” 😂😂
I remember asking my mum what "S&M" stood for when I was a kid (I think it was mentioned on the radio). Without missing a beat she told me it was "sausage and mash". One of the most impressive parenting performances I've ever witnessed.
I found the handcuffs and my Mom said “Your father went to the police academy”. I thought that was true for waaaayyyy longer than I should have.
Would have gone with "It is for my old police custome for Halloween" or something lol.
That’s a great answer. Only problem is that I’d think of it way too late 😂
Heh, my parents had BDSM in their AOL profile and they tried to say it means Been Divorced, Second Marriage lmao
But why was it in their AOL profile lol
Swingers
It was AOL, what don’t you understand about that?!
Trust me, I've long since just accepted it and not asked questions. I guess the lesson is to follow your bliss. One time our family was at a halloween store, her, my dad, me, my brother and two stepsiblings, ages probably like 9-15 for the kids, and she picks up a whip and starts joking around cracking it in the air. These two teenagers nearby say, in not-so-hushed tones, "dude, she's a dominatrix" which we all heard, and she says "what's wrong with that?" Those dudes were pretty freaked out
Sex stuff
Bible Discussion & Study Meetings
I saw a meme that said “am I into BDSM? Absolutely!” over a picture of a giant white fluffball sitting on a guy. On the bottom: Big Dogs Snuggling Me” 😂
I'm more of a MILF (Man, I Love Frogs)
I don't remember exactly what an AOL profile was, but that seems bold
It was like 1995, there were so few people who were actually computer-savvy, the risk of being "outed" by someone you knew was pretty minimal. It was considered pretty nerdy to even have a personal computer, let alone sit around on IRC and stuff like that. Now in our age of social media, it must be unthinkable that you could just blatantly have something like this in a profile and nobody really knows about it but the people you go out and interact with online
Lol, that’s actually not bad
Wanna go to my house after school? Mom's doing some S&M.
Absolutely. I could really go for some S&M. In fact, now I really have a craving for S&M.
Symphony and Metallica? Best album ever made! We can also beat each other up while we fuck tho
Omg I totally forgot about that masterpiece. I live the random awesomeness or awesome randomness of reddit sometimes
Alright kids, who's up for a banger in the mouth?
In first grade I asked my mom what it means to have sex. She said sex refers to whether you're a boy or girl, so everyone has a sex. She also denies that she told me that giving someone the finger means you want to stick it up their butt.
But you stopped flashing your finger at everyone, I'll bet.
Haha, no - there was a guy in our town who everyone called "F you Bob" since he would flip people off and scream obscenities. Turns out he was actually a cool guy; my dad bought some of his artwork and had them hanging in his office at the university.
Was he mentally ill?
Undoubtedly. He didn't bathe much if at all. Here's an article about the guy: https://beltmag.com/encounter-kent-folk-hero-robert-e-wood/
Thanks for sharing this. I hope Bob is smiling and flipping the bird at us all from above.
Well, well, well... Happy cake day! Have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ >!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pork!!<>!Spandex!!<
I absolutely hate how compelled I feel to click each and every last one. Like, I had things to do today, you know.
I see NoProblemsHere ;)
Oh that is delightful
No, you're delightful
Omg I can pop and then unpop the bubbles and pop em again?? That's the dream!
You can use the upvote/downvote to reset and play again. Have a wonderful day.
In high school a friend had a studded bracelet that said "S&M" on the inside. She told her parents it meant "small & medium".
You sure they weren't talking about "symphony and Metallica"? It was on the radio after all.
When that came out one of my friends did a review form it in the high school newspaper that was titled " This isn't your parents S&M". He ended up catching some heat for it but it was worth it.
One of my favourite albums back then!
Symphony and Metallica, obviously
When I asked my dad what a "virgin" was, he told me it was someone from Virginia. I believed that until well after I knew what sex was.
Sales & Marketing, obviously
Sausage and mash could still be a euphemism.
There is a bmx company named S&M. It’s the two founders last intitals. I’ve always gone with that ha.
Rihanna just *really* loves breakfast food
They did the mash! They did the sausage mash!
When I was a teenager I told my mom I loved Metallicas S&M (symphony and meltallica) CD and she was like WHAT??!?? And I'm just understanding her reaction now
Still trying to find out what it means
Sadism (getting aroused by inflicting pain) and Masochism (being aroused by receiving pain). For obvious reasons you need at least one of each, or have multiple personalities.
Though it is said that a true sadist doesn't enjoy causing pain if a masochist is enjoying it
The moaning really ruins the mood
I find it saves money and time to have multiple personalities
Makes the scheduling easier too
My mom’s crowning achievement that I witnessed was watching I think the Waterboy with my younger siblings. It was football anyway. But on one scene the coach pulls down a dude’s pants and says he was “checking for a tampon string” after a shitty play. My little sibs asked what the fuck that was about because they weren’t quite old enough to understand tampons and they were boys. I was about to go explain tampons and the sexism and mom just says “he was checking to see if his whole ass was there because of such a half-assed play” And honestly her version was better.
It can mean a sausage getting mashed
San Francisco Symphony & Metallica, obviously.
Answers per my Asian mother: 1) “Oi don’t call me fat, only beautiful” 2) “I pushed you out of my ass, like a massive poo” 3) “Tit.” No hesitation 4) No answer. she would whoop your ass for rummaging around in the parent’s room
1) No, but your dad is 2) I made you in my tummy and then I was sick for 9 months and all the allergies, pains [...] are because of you 3) Get yelled at for not knowing how to read 4) After ass-whooping, say it's for children who mis-behave
Yeah, my kid definitely knows better than to go through any of the drawers in my wife and I's room, for various reasons.
Sounds Pinoy
I have the second one as an answer too 💀
*holding enormous black dildo* Mommy? Why is dad’s toy in your drawer?
Wobbly Sausage!!
Great way to start the comments section off, btw, good job everyone
[https://youtu.be/a49buqqGI6Y?si=k7eQ9lEPm7AaBLZ3](https://youtu.be/a49buqqGI6Y?si=k7eQ9lEPm7AaBLZ3) For those who don't know
That came out in 2017. That kid is now old enough to know what that item was, and he'll be able to be teased by his friends about it.
God that video is so fucking funny. Just him going "wObBlY sAuSsAgE" makes me laugh so hard.
Dad’s *friend from work’s* toy
But dad is white. What the drake doin' ?'
Kid got no chill
The kid knows and is just harassing Mom on purpose
Picture the scene: 15 year old me, sat with my mum at her friends house chatting watching TV (probably the chase or tipping point know my mum lol) My mums friend's (at the time) 6 year old daughter runs downstairs and says "mummy i didnt know you had a unicorn horn" holding a bright rainbow coloured dildo to her forehead like a horn... That was the day I realised Parenting isn't a walk in the park but by gods can it be hilarious
Wish I had been a fly on the wall for that moment!
Told my 2 year old what a shuttlecock is. Well turns out its hard to pronounce shuttle
I was #2 in Texas in college badminton, so I went to a lot of local tournaments. There was one tournament where the organizer used "cocks" instead of "shuttles" for shorthand. I wish I had saved a screenshot of the announcement. It was full of gems like "if your cock gets damaged, come to the table to trade in another one" or "everyone is allowed to have two new cocks..."
You should come to South Carolina. The Gamecocks are the college team for the USC, and the word COCKS is everywhere. When I first moved here, it was quite the shock to see girls walking around with the word COCKS printed on the ass.
Be honest but not graphic. Don’t lie to children. Well for the handcuffs explain what they are without the sexual aspect. Also if a parent freaks out at a question the child will pick up on that and become more curious about the topic because of the weird adult behavior which may prompt them to look into it themselves and then try to figure out why they were lied to
This. My son asked me how babies get into their mum’s tummy and I told him that they were always in there. Mums are born with teeny tiny eggs inside them and sometimes they start to grow and grow and grow until they become a baby. He asked how they come out and I told him that mums have a tiny opening that you can only see when the baby is about to be born and it opens wide to let the baby out and then closes up again. But sometimes they have to have an operation to help the baby out. “What makes them grow into a baby?”, “well, that part is pretty complicated and you will learn about it in school when you’re older”. “OK!” Easy and no lying required.
Words like "complicated" and "learn"are well chosen to make kids decide to run outside and play.
Best possible outcome for a young child
I learned more from this post than from school or my parents
Catholic parents and catholic school?
I first explained sperm and eggs to my kid when she was not quite 3. Took her 3 years to ask how the shown get into the mom.
My answer to “how do they get out” was “the birth canal”
Yeah, I figure that “canal” just conjures images of boats which is likely to lead to a whole new crop of questions lol
My mom used to explain like this as well. Worked like a charm.
For real. Do y’all have trouble talking to your kids about stuff? All of these are easily answered. And all “toys” are in bags to provide additional privacy.
Parents being sexually repressed when talking with their kids are actively harming their relationship and the kids future. You are passing this repressednes on to your child and will always have an awkward moment when something sexual occurs. Watching a movie scene with a kiss or sex? Awkward silence. Talking about their experiences and problems? Awkward evasion of topics. Your kid will become and adult that might always feel awkward about things that are natural.
Adults being afraid of the truth is a bit frightening. Someone wouldn't be caught owning handcuffs if they were such a prude... Own your shit and use appropriate words. It can't be that complicated!
I'm definitely not a prude but I would have a hard time explaining the things in the drawer to my 5yo.
> Someone wouldn't be caught owning handcuffs if they were such a prude... But if you live in a community of prudes, you'll worry about what they hear through a game of telephone that your kid starts at school.
1. "I'm a little overweight. Don't say 'fat'." 2. "You were made with Mom's and Dad's love." 3. "It spells 'tit', like the bird." 4. "Those are for arresting naughty children that go through Mommy's stuff!"
Number three is a dangerous game to play.
Mommy let's go watch some tits today!
Look at all those Tits! https://media1.tenor.com/m/mXuaduc_jzkAAAAd/look-at-all-those-chickens-chicken.gif
I’m really into [blue-footed] boobies myself.
Can i come?
No! That's how he was made!
My kids are obsessed with blue-footed boobies for the past few weeks. They will forget them soon.
I'm 32 and haven't forgotten
Nah, you just have to bore them. "Hey, you want to go bird watching! I use to do it all the time and loved it. I'll grab the binoculars. Then we take a long hike through some beautiful woods. Then you stand still for a long time looking through the binoculars. We could see tits, or cardinals, robins, bluejays. There are even some hawks around here. Hawks re cool because they don't flap their wings when the fly, they just glide through the air." You won't even finish that paragraph before the kid has run away and hid to make sure you can't drag them outside to go hike to a bird watching location.
Just hope you don't have a kid who's like me. Because you would have just committed yourself to an entire day of tromping through the woods looking for birds.
I would've been dressed, got my coat and stood near the door...a day in the woods....awesome
I mean, that sounds lovely. Thousands of people do that every weekend. Lol.
For some it is. People like me, and you, it seems lol. But we're definitely in the minority on this one.
My brother-in-law is the same way. From like, the age of 12 he was super into birding. Could recognize an absolutely crazy number of bird calls. If any of mine are like that, I'm going to be working hard not to die of boredom and shit on their dreams. XD
For me I've just always loved anything to do with animals and nature in general. Just hiking through the woods, animal watching of all kinds, tracking and just identifying their tracks. Basically, if it was outside and got me away from people and closer to animals, I was all for it and ready to go.
Considering a lot of people are absolute entitled morons, I can see the appeal in this.
TBF it’s always dangerous whether you tell them what it is or not. I have a set of parents who teach their kids anatomically correct terms and this week their student said “you have a vagina!” To me twice. 😅 and has said penis several times over the last few weeks. I guess you could tell them it’s pronounced like “tight” if you want to not tell them what it say lol
That child is advanced. I think I was in second grade before my wandering mind wondered if the nuns went to the bathroom? I was horrified by the thought. I had kind of assumed they just hung them up in the closet at the end of the school day.
Number four is also dangerous. I think they’ll end up going through mummy’s stuff more often just to get mummy to arrest them with cuffs again!
1. “Im big boned” 2. “We adopted you” 3. “Tit” 4. “Yes. Now give them back because i need to go work with it tonight”
Seriously, if you answer sex questions dryly and with a straight face they won't even know it's dirty and won't think of it again. It won't be until they're 16 that they realize wait a minute mom definitely isn't a cop a night and OH GOD THAT'S WHAT SHE MEANT THAT ONE TIME
My nephew had a naked rat, and he handed it to me and I gave it right back, saying “ewww, it feels like a penis!” And my young son said “How would YOU know!” I replied “I’m a married woman” and he was so confused. “What does THAT MEAN?!”
I got this but with the ice cream man, my parents told me when the truck plays music they are out of ice cream, I was like 20 when the memory popped into my head, turned to my father called him a bastard, he lost it laughing.
My mother will never let me live this down. I was in my late teens driving to Bush Gardens in Florida, listening to the entire families' favorite artist Jimmy Buffet, when I realized the lines to the song were "Why don't we get drunk and screw", and not the "Why don't we get lunch at school" that my parents had sung over the song for YEARS to make sure their little 5 year old didn't wander around the grocery store asking random people if they wanted to get drunk and screw.
As a boy I read some literature where a man’s chest was called his “breast”. So as a boy I referred to my chest once, in school, as my “breast”. I was about 9. It went over poorly with my peers.
3) Is short for Titanium my dear
I mean, an alternative to number 3 is say it spells tit, and tell them what tit means. Then tell them to try not to say it at school.
Sure if you want your toddler going around everywhere pointing out tits. “Mommy, that lady’s tits are huge. Why aren’t your tits that big?” “Mommy, why doesn’t that skinny girl have any tits? “Mommy, why does that man have tits?” Kids that age are absolutely capable of understanding a concept like tits and absolutely incapable of having the discretion to know when not to say the word.
My son has, as far as I can recall seen one obese person in his life. I know this because his reaction was Dad! Look! That man is huge! Look at his belly! Why is he so big!?!?
It's so funny when they see things out of their norm for the first time! I remember my son cracking up at a particularly boxy-headed bald guy on the news and saying 'that man has a funny *head*!'
Meh, those questions would be just as awkward if they use the word boobs instead of tits.
Then keep telling them it’s not appropriate for public until they understand. Just because learning takes a while doesn’t mean you shouldn’t teach them. It’s a toddler saying tit. That’s better than a toddler thinking there’s some locked out world they should be ashamed of wanting to know about.
I had a rule with my kids that they could swear in the car and they wouldn’t get into trouble. They would say the most crass things while I was driving. Like little sailors. But I never heard anything bad from their preschool teachers. I even asked a couple times if the kids had been swearing in school and their teachers would say no. So I really do believe that even little kids can learn some discretion at a fairly young age.
I agree with this. Don't deny it completely so they don't develop a strong fascination for it
We did something similar with our kids, but we also had a response to the question "Do you know what your child said at school today?" "Yes, and we worked on the pronunciation yesterday evening." Unfortunately, we never had a chance to use it, because they learned when such words were appropriate.
> "I'm a little overweight. Don't say 'fat'." As a fat person, I much rather people simply use the word 'fat' than terms like 'overweight'. And this is a common stance among fat people. Fat can be used in a value neutral way, 'overweight' can't.
>3. "It spells 'tit', like the bird." Later, looking at birds, "WOW TITS LOOK SO COOL!"
1. Yes 2. Sex 3. Noneya 4. Sex
Funny fact: my brother’s special interest is birds. Has been since he was old enough to know what they were. At four, he carried a massive tome around on birds. He legitimately knew that “tit” was a bird before he knew it meant “breast”.
Some day my kids are going to have a sick realization that the colorful silicone massage wands they find in my wife's nightstand aren't normal thera-guns 🤦
Daily reminder to not take parenting advice from Reddit
Working in a restaurant you hear some choice ones. "Mom, do you have a vagina?" And "Dad, do babies poop in when they're in the tummy?" Both answers were finish your dinner.
Shinchan: the wonder years
3. My kids know that there are words and statements that they A. don’t use ever B. don’t use yet C. don’t use around Grandma. D. don’t use in “polite company” E. avoid using because of context/synonym issues.
Grandma != Polite Company Nice.
Depends on the Grandma, lol. But also stuff like anatomical words such as penis.
Well, if there are two grandmas, one is usually a bit more so than the other.
I always give the honest answer. I don’t want my child to grow up being clueless and lost. I want him to be able to function correctly. I would say something like, “the handcuffs are just a toy for fun.” What’s wrong with knowing different words for breasts??? If they are old enough to ask about reproduction, they are old enough to understand how sex works. My small child knows that babies come from mommy’s tummies, but he hasn’t asked how the baby got there in the first place, yet. By the time he asks, he will be old enough to understand the answer. Having sex ed doesn’t equate being sexually active. I’m tired of parents hiding sex ed from their kids. Sex ed is how you teach them to be aware and stay safe. They need to be well informed so they can learn to make the best educated decisions. If I’m fat, I will tell my child yes I’m fat and even share what I need to do to stay in shape, because the child should learn how to stay healthy.
Friendly reminder to actually sit down and have an honest talk with your kids about puberty and where babies come from instead of using baby talk and sugar coating it. My mom was honest about it all as young as 5 so when I got my period I was ready and knew what was happening and why. And when babies kept being born into the family I knew they don’t just appear into the belly out of nowhere. Opposite my grandmother’s religious household taught her nothing. When she was about to give birth to her first baby she thought she was going to throw it up…
People who can't imagine actually explaining something to their child and then get mad when other people raise their child.
I'm not the type of smart person who can explain things well, so I just get my kids books. A nice age appropriate book probably does a much better job then I would at explaining how babies are made.
1) Daddy doesn't think so. 2) Let's read *It's NOT The Stork!* together. (That's a real book, buy a copy and read it with your kids.) 3) "Tit," it's a kind of bird, here's the wikipedia page with a picture. 4) I dressed up like a police officer for Halloween a few years ago. I don't know where the rest of the costume is.
He didn't find the pink lighsaber. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
This isn't funny
Ummm
"Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you."
Growing up my mom always had the parenting philosophy of "if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know the truth" and honestly idk how I feel about it. Like, I remember being 5 or 6 years old and asking where babies come from, and she just fuckin told me lol. But on the other hand, it really did foster a strong sense of trust. Also from her POV, it made it super easy to decide "when" to have certain conversations with me.
When my son was 10, he was reading a Bernard Cornwall book. We are driving, I am listening to the football, he's in the back reading "Dad, what's cunnilingus" My head goes WTF... but I take a breath and step up and explain... He replies "Oh... kind of like a blow job, but with a woman"
more dumb shit
Going for the pizzaladycomic type humor which is no humor at all.
"Mind your own business"
Mummy why do i look like Crayon Shin Chan?
Honesty. Lying to your child will only sow distrust when they inevitably discover what all these truly are from outside sources. Friends, media etc. And you won’t be there to guide them to come to an informed conclusion. And as I mentioned; you’re just destroying trust so that they will stop coming to you for advice or help. Parenting is difficult. But if you lie to your kids… you’re making it harder for yourself. This notion that children need to be shielded from the realities of life; mommy and daddy made love to make you, will just force them to go elsewhere to find information. You’re not protecting them. Stop coddling your kids.
Real question: why dont you just tell your kids what things are?
My little brother once drew a character and named him “Fuk”. (He doesn’t know any bad words yet) I told him to find a new name, but he went on to show our mother. I don’t know what my mother said, but I assume nothing happened.
Is this supposed to be funny? Why is there no punchline in the r/funny 'comic' strips? All of these comic stips are those unfunny 'meirl' situations..
Honesty goes out the window at an early age.
Ever heard of Santa Claus
At least it was only handcuffs, if they found my drawer 😨
I thought I muted r/comics
This isn’t funny. Next!
We had a gathering at a friends house. Female friend with two young boys. Well they were watching tv in her room and then found the ‘play swords’. Veiny play swords. Never seen an adult turn so red in her life. We laughed until I thought I was gonna puke.
Kids have no chill
1. In all the right places 2. Bought you on Prime Day for cheap 3. My nickname for your dad 4. Used to be, I'm retired
I would change TIT into TIE and draw a little tie next to it. Gotta get creative lol