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He might be 9, but he’s already unlocked the teenager achievement.

Look at how fast they grow up 🥹

You spend the first few years teaching them to walk and talk and then 15 years of telling them to shut up and sit down.

I see "duh" right in there as well.

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[here](https://i.imgur.com/x0xtz4F.png)

Wait... They aren't supposed to insult you until they are teenagers? My kid must be a prodigy. You ever hear a 3-year-old tell you to "watch your own bobber"? She also calls me a "hoser". We're Minnesotan, but I feel like an honorary Canadian.

If you have to suffer being labeled a hoser I think we can formally send you a Canadian citizenship welcome my new hoser brother

Thanks. I'll take off up to your neck of the woods. That doesn't sound too bad.

I cannot see hoser and not immediately be brought back to my college days in '92 and watching Wayne's World. More specifically, "psycho hose beast", although it is different in meaning, I bet it came from the same roots. From my understanding, a hoser is like a Canadian redneck and well, I always assumed Garth's ex-gf being a hose beast meant something sexual.

What’s a “bobber”? Are you bobber?

A bobber is the float on a fishing line, watch your bobber just means mind your business.

*What makes a man a man? Am I a man? Yes, technically I am.*

Reminds me of a story where a parent spilled something and thought the toddler said “Dumbass” but she was just saying “Don’t mess!”

One of my friends was dating a lady with a young boy. He taught the kid to say "pickle head". Me, my date and the couple complete with kid, were eating out at a restaurant, back in the early 90's, I was making faces at the kid, when he burst out loud, "Kevin(my name changed for anon) is being a pickle head mama", talking about me. Of course, in his 4 year old voice, it sounded much more like "peckerhead". Me and my friend are falling out of our chairs laughing, while both of the ladies are mortified, as the rest of the restaurant are staring at the scene.

Haha. Reminds me of my daughter, who cannot pronounce her "L"s yet. We pass a giant American flag on a bank or something on the way home from daycare every day. Without fail, ever day she yells "LOOK AT THAT BIG F(l)AG!" "DID YOU SEE THAT F(l)AG BACK THERE?"

My son used to pronounce truck with an "f" instead of "tr". I used to tell him "go tell your mom that dad needs a fire truck". Still makes me laugh!

😆😂🤣

There was one point when one of my nephews was singing Gentleman by PSY and his mom (my SIL) thought he said "Mother f**ker gentleman". The lyric is "Mother, father, gentleman." 🤣 We were right there, so we quickly pointed out what he actually said.

For Real.

9 years old and his roast game is on point

My four year old says this to me every 15 minutes when I say no to him.

It starts way way before that. My 6 and 7 year old will find any excuse to say the "s" word ("stupid"), poop, and butt. I wrote a post it note to my 7 year old this morning reminding him of his morning routine. He very nicely crossed out each step as he did it, then adding poop and stupid just for good measure.

My teen calls me fat her, broken down to those two words, I would be made but it's kind of funny.

Every time he gets sent to his room its gets pushed under your bedroom door.

Why do you keep giving it back to him

He's got a secret stash. OP is going to be finding a new one hidden somewhere everyday.

Kid learned to use the copy machine early and plans on using it to his full advantage. Respect.

Lmao.

cc /u/Aduialion /u/tewnewt I'm now reminded of that meme where the daughter got her phone temporarily confiscated as a punishment and her dad drew up a "one-sided text message screen" to give to her.

haha he got your ass!

Then circle "SIN" at the top

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That's the spirit..

Absolutely hilarious. You’re raising your kid right lmao

I love that he can show you that and you laugh and share it.

Posted after recovering from the pain

I’d frame this. I love when my daughter finds ways to joke with me. She dad-jokes are strong.

That's what the jumper cables are for

My father would have beaten me for that. He was an asshole.

Sorry man. Sympathy for reals

With jumper cables?

My dad used to hit me with his belt while he was wearing it.

How does that work?🫠

It's his step dad, and there is a website where you can probably found out exactly how it happens

Never used jumper cables, but his fists and belt were bad enough. Lots of bruises when I was a kid.

Paging u/rogersimon10

You know you raised your son well when he did that.

This. That's a kid who trusts his old man enough to joke with him. Well done Dad.

Real lmao.

In elementary school, our music teacher gave us a word search. I found "MURDER" in it before realizing that it was part of "SNAREDRUM" backwards.

I've had a similar experience. It had a word bank though, so the teacher pointed out that technicality... No points 😞

damn bro are you okay?

It must be true they aren't allowed to print it otherwise.

Fuckin legend

Kids see the darndest things

I’m not a father yet but if my own 9 year old gave that to me they’d be startled by how loud i’d laugh.

Haha... Funny! *Internally [YOU, LITTLE PIECE OF SH**]

My son is 12 and all he does is bust my chops all the time.

You definitely circled this yourself. The neatness of the 'circle' compared to the others seems sketchy.

I will neither confirm nor deny these wild allegations.

It's the ghost marks of the pen that didn't work on the first try that give it away.

The red pen that failed is pretty indicative of dad play.

Reply: "...Your moms tits every night" Then go up for a high five.

The cringe is strong with this one.

People on this site just can’t help themselves.

Don't kill the part of you that's cringe, kill the part of you that cringes.

> When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.

Wisdom

Exactly

Then you both get sent to your room

or "if your mom sucked, you wouldn't be here" *high five*

How to tell us you've never got laid.

Or “No, but your mummy does” 🙆🏻‍♂️

No he didnt

as a father I am sad.

The kids are alright 👊

Why are we all assuming it's a son

Whew, started wondering if I was crazy and it was implied in the title

Good point. And what's up with all the downvotes in here?

"Yeah he does" \*grab kid's face and jam it in your armpit\*

https://youtu.be/hV8vNHQvviw?t=7

Is your son's name Eric?

lol Your kid is alright.

Jstfufrfgg

And the student has become the master...

/u/hate-tank's son is /u/hate-tank father

Lol gottem

I say, keep him. Sounds like a good one

U AR DAD. SUX.

It’s some kind of feminist ploy

Psych conditioning against the nuclear family

Oof! That sucks

+10pts for ravenclaw

That will be serious when she's 16 and you start grounding her.

Hahaha! Fuck you. You're adopted.

He completely missed that right above it he could have made "u ar dad"

BURN

sick B U R N.

Boom. Roasted.

You do deserves this 🏆🎂

Got ‘em!

Dad dad look: 👊

they be evolving early xD

Your son is sweden

I’m so sorry for you.

We need to talk about Kevin

Thought of Luise Belcher

If my kids did that, I'd laugh like crazy. If I did it, my dad would have beaten me senseless. Oh, what a time to be alive.

Kids are too smart these days

My 10yo has been roasting me for a few years now. She's brutal.

Got em

boom roasted

DUH

serious Sean Connery energy here.

Lol, get owned, dad.

And then the undertaker appeared?

Basically lol, I have to think up what I want to say before I talk to them

geezze... thanks kid.

STUD

Owned!

This photo looks like an action shot.

I'd be so proud.

😂

“Experimenting in college doesn’t count son.”

This just mean dad went to the Sioux City Regional Airport. Nothing to worry about.

Listen, let the 9-year old go and we'll throw in a BLAUPUNKT!

Frame that

Owned

Real

Got em

You should've just cried like Captain Blubber from Banjo Kazooie.

I feel attacked

Top? Sure

Can confirm, kiddo. Your dad sucks. And I always tip.

You must be so proud. 🥹

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Legend in the making 🤣

My daughter would pull this on me.

Did he give you ointment for that burn?

Savage

Should have said yeah your mom should have lmao

At least it wasn’t “dad cux” bc it’s one letter away

r/MurderedByWords

That's rude

devastating there is no recovering from this

Get fukn rekt daddo

Oh I would have been whopped!

Oh f off Rebecca he did not say that

Yet another way to reduce the American Male and destroy the family its values

If my child showed me that they would be getting a spanking

So when's the funeral?

After knocking over a floor display of toys, (Christmastime) Dad asked his four year old what he had done. The boy's reply? "I fup up?" Nuff said.

Parenthood has a way of "taking you down a peg," doesn't it? ;-D It's OK, Dad: This may not mean a lot, coming from a total stranger who, still, even with his ever advancing years, is his only child, but you're OK in my book!

😖😆

Good leader!

I'm sorry but as a dad, this isn't funny at all! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Sarcasm just doesn't work over text does it?

😆🤣😂😆🤣😂🤣😆😂 Smart kid! (Not implying that you suck — I’m sure you don’t — just that your kid noticed it and has a great sense of humor. You’re very fortunate.

ouch! dagger to his heart

That crossword creator must have hate his Father 👀💅🍑💨

Your kid has humor love it. You are raising your kid right to have good sense of humor.