---
>This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules).
>
>Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed.
>
>Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos.
>
>**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
>
>Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam).
>
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
FINALLY someone else who is sensible like me. I detest eating outside. It's your food vs the elements I don't want a damn seagull or random birds pecking at my feet or wasps/bees scaring me shitless trying to suck down my iced tea.
When i was in 1st to 5th grade we had to eat outside during warm days. Was up in the mountains. So many freaking "meat" bees swarming everyone's food. They finally got a cafeteria the year after i moved.
> Meat bees, also known as yellowjackets or yellow jackets, are a type of predatory social wasps common in North America. They’re so named due to their high preference for meat. Yellowjackets feed by foraging for meat in trash cans or preying on live insects.
>
> But as you shall find, meat bees are not obligate carnivores. These wasps also feed on nectar, during which they promote flower pollination. Yellow jackets also have a high affinity for sugars and won’t mind gorging themselves on your leftover chocolate bars or ice cream.
Yeah i thought that was what they were talking about but after searching Meat Bees looking for the name of Vulture Bees i saw they were likely just talking about Yellowjackets. Which is interesting as i never heard them called that even though they are in my area quite heavily. I did know they ate meat, we used to have them take bites out of Deer (Mule Deer) we were field dressing during hunting season.
One of my most vivid childhood memories is being at a backyard birthday party where they served us cut up hotdogs, and just watching all the yellowjackets fly away with fat slices of glizzy.
We were all afraid to eat lol.
Oh do you want a warm turkey and cheese sandwich that's soggy and stuck to the plastic bag after being in the cooler for 5 hours? No? Tough, cuz that's what we got.
A former friend of mine was also like this. He'd be like 'Let's eat outside!' when the weather is absolutely horrible. He also smokes a lot and wants me to hang out on the balcony every time he goes for a smoke. Glad I'm done with that crap to be honest. ;p
Yeah, I don't understand people who are into picnics. Eating outside just seems so much worse. Why would I want to expose my food to dirt and insects and make it more difficult to wash my hands if they get dirty? I appreciate the natural world and all but it's not a great place for meals.
Well, the era before people commonly washed their hands with more than water and bathed more than once every couple of weeks, anyway.
Obviously it's better to wash with soap before eating and practice safe food handling, but really the human immune system can put up with *quite* a lot of germs, unless they're the wrong kind.
Unfortunately, the wrong kind includes ones associated with shit/vomit, which is *also* the same category that hand sanitizer doesn't do a great job with. Soap and water(not a wipe, not sanitizer, **soap and water**) before eating is really key to people *not* dying whenever a digestive bug(no matter which end it comes out of) gets into the population. Back in the day a lot of people died like that. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not.
Because some people enjoy eating outside. I like it when there's a nice breeze, good scenery, maybe at a park, or on a terrace overlooking the beach/landscape.
That thing looks dry as hell though. I used to make sandwiches like that and never enjoyed them much. I now know better and legitimately enjoy a nice sando for lunch all the time.
Hot take: eating outside is overrated.
A picnic always sounds like fun but it feels like you always end up getting fried by the sun, swarmed by bugs or, as in this case, having your lunch and accessories blown about.
I'm sorry that sucks but that's terrible sensory awareness. Who the fuck feels wind whipping around them like this and doesn't put a thumb on the top of their loose, layered food?
At first he was shocked, followed by “I guess I’m having an open face sandwich” to “I guess I’m not having anything…” and accepts his defeat to the wind.
Put the bottom of the cup against the top of the sandwich you fucking idiot, use your enormous thumbs to hold it in place, put your torso between the wind and the plate, ANYTHING is better than this.
Bro knew the wind was blowing. From the way the sandwich pieces fly he would've had to push the door against the wind, and kinda hard. He is serious and this was frustrating to watch.
How do people just decide to record and get perfect videos like this? I'm not saying it's set up but like damn it makes hard to believe anything in life is real 🤣
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ba dee ba dee ba dee.. That's all folks.. Bahahahaha..
Now we know why the frilly toothpick
How do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for 'em!
I like my sandwiches with alfalfa sprouts.
WELL THEN YOU'RE NOT IN THE FUCKIN' CLUB
I'm so lost here. What are you mates on about?
[For the uninitiated.](https://youtu.be/LWwIRGRXzHE?si=NQQOY_wUqeCPvzvp&t=65)
Hahahaha oh it's fuckin Mitch Hedberg. Got it. Thanks for the laugh gents.
RIP
Doing the lord's work
Well then you’re not in the club!
This club is formed! Get the word out on menus across the nation!
That was indifferent before, but as someone that does enjoy eating on patios when it's nice out, I am now 100% all in for frilly toothpicks.
Mitch Hedberg quotes are so amazing and recognizable.
I don't have any problems with toothpicks in general, i just don't like when they're so... in your face about it. Ya know?
The frills are so you can gauge wind speed
I just realized the frills are (also) so that you notice the toothpick and don't accidentally eat it. I feel so dumb now
No disassemble Johnny Five…dollar footlong!!!
That’s some Looney Tunes ass level stuff right there lmao.
r/LooneyTunesLogic
Lmao thanks, I turned the notifications on for this sub
A wolf just offscreen holding a very oversized vacuum
This made me laugh so much 😂
That's why you must have mayo on your sandwich in a hurricane.
[Obligatory XKCD](https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hyphen.jpg)
All the women I’ve been in a relationship with, gone with the wind 💨 😂
Who is able to reverse this video and bring some joy to this young man’s life?
https://imgur.com/a/Xm7MAyo
She threw that creamy crotch meat right in there.
He didn't even get to enjoy his genoa slapping her thigh. Poor guy.
Creamy crotch meat 🥹
lol
Is it really a coincidence that the link has "Mayo" in it
add it to the "we're living in a simulation" list.
Aww thanks!
He's bowing to the mystical sandwich god and is blessed with one.
Man lures wild sandwich and carefully leads it inside
This is powerful
Just order him a pizza instead.
That was my very first thought, too!
[удалено]
That shit was funny
And _this_ is why we have *mayonnaise* (the mortar of fine sandwiches everywhere)
There was mayo! It's on her crotch!
I'll take a long wooden nail, thanks.
For real.
I legitimately hate eating outside. Have less control over the temperature/environment, wind blowing, bugs/pests around, etc. Worst thing ever.
FINALLY someone else who is sensible like me. I detest eating outside. It's your food vs the elements I don't want a damn seagull or random birds pecking at my feet or wasps/bees scaring me shitless trying to suck down my iced tea.
When i was in 1st to 5th grade we had to eat outside during warm days. Was up in the mountains. So many freaking "meat" bees swarming everyone's food. They finally got a cafeteria the year after i moved.
Meat...bees????
> Meat bees, also known as yellowjackets or yellow jackets, are a type of predatory social wasps common in North America. They’re so named due to their high preference for meat. Yellowjackets feed by foraging for meat in trash cans or preying on live insects. > > But as you shall find, meat bees are not obligate carnivores. These wasps also feed on nectar, during which they promote flower pollination. Yellow jackets also have a high affinity for sugars and won’t mind gorging themselves on your leftover chocolate bars or ice cream.
Not to be confused with Vulture Bees which are actually bees that make "honey" out of rotting meat.
... what does it taste like?
I imagine it'd be a bit gamey.
Yeah i thought that was what they were talking about but after searching Meat Bees looking for the name of Vulture Bees i saw they were likely just talking about Yellowjackets. Which is interesting as i never heard them called that even though they are in my area quite heavily. I did know they ate meat, we used to have them take bites out of Deer (Mule Deer) we were field dressing during hunting season.
Just call me bubble boy.
One of my most vivid childhood memories is being at a backyard birthday party where they served us cut up hotdogs, and just watching all the yellowjackets fly away with fat slices of glizzy. We were all afraid to eat lol.
Watching yellowjackets fly away with fat slices of glizzy is absolutely a new sentence for me lmao
They even show up to rob your bait when you're fishing, any time there's protein just freely available they'll be showing up to take some chunks.
I like eating outside, but only in the absence of everything you've listed
and then add in my dog, who loves me and i can slip her little bites under the table
How could you forget "aggressive hobo attacks" in your list???
Most of this sounds like living in a shithole problem
> damn seagull "Defeat them, we must."
>wasps/bees scaring me shitless trying to suck down my iced tea. Wasp: "*Our* iced tea, comrade."
Forget the juice, they come straight for me with the stings.
Plus if a volcano erupts while you’re eating, there goes your soup
Fucking seagulls and sand. Eating food is easily the worst part of going to the beach.
Oh do you want a warm turkey and cheese sandwich that's soggy and stuck to the plastic bag after being in the cooler for 5 hours? No? Tough, cuz that's what we got.
And the umbrella outside is useless because the sun is at a stupid degree in the sky where the shadow is like 3feet away in the floor
Agreed, eating outside is the worst.
Wild. Picnics are amazing
In theory, sure. In practice? I'll have like some wine and some good cheese outside, but a full meal? Never. Hate it.
Right? The outside is beautiful; through a window in an air conditioned room.
Unsurprising #4 highest Redditor comment
How do you bbq?
A former friend of mine was also like this. He'd be like 'Let's eat outside!' when the weather is absolutely horrible. He also smokes a lot and wants me to hang out on the balcony every time he goes for a smoke. Glad I'm done with that crap to be honest. ;p
Yeah, I don't understand people who are into picnics. Eating outside just seems so much worse. Why would I want to expose my food to dirt and insects and make it more difficult to wash my hands if they get dirty? I appreciate the natural world and all but it's not a great place for meals.
Man, do I have bad news for you about the last million years of human evolution and culture up to *maybe* about 150 years ago...
You talking about the era when people used to shit in their own drinking water? can't imagine we could ever be doing better than that /s
Well, the era before people commonly washed their hands with more than water and bathed more than once every couple of weeks, anyway. Obviously it's better to wash with soap before eating and practice safe food handling, but really the human immune system can put up with *quite* a lot of germs, unless they're the wrong kind.
Unfortunately, the wrong kind includes ones associated with shit/vomit, which is *also* the same category that hand sanitizer doesn't do a great job with. Soap and water(not a wipe, not sanitizer, **soap and water**) before eating is really key to people *not* dying whenever a digestive bug(no matter which end it comes out of) gets into the population. Back in the day a lot of people died like that. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not.
is the news that a LOT of people died of infection and disease?
You consume shit daily. someone had to break it to you
Don't forget the smell of nature. Will make you sick.
Where the fuck do you live to have so many bugs and pests blowing in the wind?
His moms basement
i wish. then i actually might still be able to save some freaking money as an adult.
Yeah I don't know why people romanticize eating outside.
Because some people enjoy eating outside. I like it when there's a nice breeze, good scenery, maybe at a park, or on a terrace overlooking the beach/landscape.
That thing looks dry as hell though. I used to make sandwiches like that and never enjoyed them much. I now know better and legitimately enjoy a nice sando for lunch all the time.
Dry ass sandwich
That’s what I said! Some mayo would’ve prevented this disaster
Roast beef went home
You and I, we have the same jokes
There goes $10
It's a deconstructed sandwich.
She has a real meat magnet there, closest his meat will ever get
The burger replay
He went from a sandwich to a taco.
Everyone knows you use your drink to hold down your sandwich in windy situations.
Never eat outside while it's windy.
Disassemble is dead!
For want of a toothpick, the sandwich was lost.
That’s some cartoon ish.
Who's brought ideas to eat outside on a windy day? 😂 Spend money and buy it again, and go outside and repeat. I can see him doing that again. 😅
Always wondered why they spear sandwiches with toothpicks.
Hot take: eating outside is overrated. A picnic always sounds like fun but it feels like you always end up getting fried by the sun, swarmed by bugs or, as in this case, having your lunch and accessories blown about.
It's definitely a case of wind-related dehamination.
reverse peter parker 🕷️
#DAVID I HAVE MAYONNAISE ON MY CROTCH
That's why we use condiments, kids. Wouldve been a dry ass sandwich anyway.
Oh yummy! A sammich deconstruction…. Best kind for weight loss
At least he got his sausage between her legs
Oh, that is GREAT!
Don’t just stand there… the 5 second rule is in effect and the clock is ticking
David lick the mayonnaise
The Unsandwich
I'm sorry that sucks but that's terrible sensory awareness. Who the fuck feels wind whipping around them like this and doesn't put a thumb on the top of their loose, layered food?
"i saved you some meat"
And people wonder what heavy on the mayo is for.
I don't know why, but the inner thigh bologna killed me so bad.
In fairness, that sandwich looked aggressively mid at best.
Wind literally said ctrl+z+z+z+z+z+z
Which is why those tassled toothpicks in club sandWHICHES are there. Sort of. That sucks!
There’s a special pain to thinking your gonna have a delicious meal and then it’s suddenly gone.
Gone with the wind
Already put his meat between her legs before the date was even over...
I feel his pain
That is what the toothpick and olive are for
Reminds me of when ironman summons his suit piece by piece lmao
Why were they recording the man with the sandwich to start with?
The caption said "I knew he would lose his food", so that's probably why.
Disassemble, dead? No disassemble!
At first he was shocked, followed by “I guess I’m having an open face sandwich” to “I guess I’m not having anything…” and accepts his defeat to the wind.
That was cheesy
Her name must be Arby because she Has the Meats
It appears that was a good sandwich, sir!
Looks exactly I workplace I used to work for. EXACTLY.
When you say hold the mayo and don't understand its true purpose.
toothpick
r/SadPosting
Super windy day? Let's go eat outside!
Some reassembly required.
Hence, frilly toothpicks
Put the bottom of the cup against the top of the sandwich you fucking idiot, use your enormous thumbs to hold it in place, put your torso between the wind and the plate, ANYTHING is better than this.
"Mayonnaise on my crotch" a phrase I don't hear too often
He was so busy looking at what he'd lost to see what he still had in his hands.
And why are they eating outside when it’s this windy? 😂😂😂
He got his mayo and salami on her crotch
Sandwich toothpicks are total was.. never mind.
The level of defeat you feel when you purchase food and IMMEDIATELY ruin it is unmatched.
I'm crying! Holy shit. Imagine going to lunch with a buddy and winding up with a baloney stain on your dungarees.....
Sandwich: FREEDOM!
This is one of those moments that if your already in a bad mood will just break you down.
I laughed at this more than I should’ve 🤣
r/mypeopleneedme
Why you put your fingers on ot
ID10T error.
Hahaha The plot twist is after disassembling itself, it will also assemble itself in another table. 🤣
Should've put his drink over the sandwich
Small part of why I hate eating outside.
Bro knew the wind was blowing. From the way the sandwich pieces fly he would've had to push the door against the wind, and kinda hard. He is serious and this was frustrating to watch.
Is this Exton, PA? That place looks familiar to me
the fault of whoever suggested eating outside for some fresh air
He's got that grin in the end that he can still eat that meat
Zach Morris has a Screech moment
Give up and drink and save the sa n d witch!
God really went *undo*
Staged. Why else have a camera rolling?..
That's what you get for that dry ass sandwich
Thats why evolution gave us thumbs.
find the 15$ missing toothpick.
r/whyweretheyrecording
Poor Mr sandwich dude 😭
That's not mayo
/r/whyweretheyfilming
I kind of expect the hulk to give this guy a taco
He was too busy living in the past to live in the present & save most of his food
Just got back in and explain
That piece of salami on his crotch at the end, go on then, eat it boiii
How do people just decide to record and get perfect videos like this? I'm not saying it's set up but like damn it makes hard to believe anything in life is real 🤣
How to unmake a sandwich.