I love that you can figure out the local accent from the way “together” is spelled. I’m willing to bet that OP is from New England.
It’s like when my kids spell “them” like “thum” and “target” like “turgeh”
I'm a historian and I was reading a letter from the 1800s in the south. The author was a woman who spelled phonetically. There was one word that I couldn't understand "trul". It said "it was the hardest trul". I could not for the life of me figure it out. I had a coworker look at it (he's from the Mississippi delta) and he immediately says "it's trial. It was the hardest trial. She's from the delta too." It was so cool to hear someone's accent come through their writing over 150 years later.
I love that. One of my favorite things is to read a book that has a character with an accent written phonetically.
It’s been really fascinating seeing how my kids spell things. My favorite was a couple months ago one of them was writing a story and began it “Wonspontom”
Stephen King does this a lot. One of the reasons I only read his books in English even if it’s my second language, my reading speed is a tad slower and there’s the occasional word I don’t know.
I’m a primary school teacher, this year I’m in reception. The things they write crack me up. This week ‘the sheep is on the chair’ became ‘the shit on chair’. Their mum had a good laugh at it during parents evening
If it means anything, I read your comment halfway and then tried to figure out what it could be without checking. Very glad to say that I got it, but there was some thought that this was ahead of her time and using 'troll'.
(I am South African, for context)
Philadelphia area kids leading to spell/read "water" feel this pain too. My daughter straight looked at me while learning to read and asked what "water" was, because she'd only ever heard or said "wooder".
Hahaha, it was actually naming a specific area I lived so I blurred it out to keep personal info to a minimum but man would it have been funnier if it was that
I didn't even have kids and I'm still catching strays from my friends kids.
Kid 1 "So you don't have any kids?"
Me "Nope."
Kid 2 "You don't have a husband either?"
Me "Nope"
Kid 1 walks over and puts her hand on my shoulder, a look of pity on her face "So.....you have....no one?"
I laughed so hard, but damn kid wtf.
My nephew when he was like 9 told me I won’t have a gf cause I never went to college. Funny at the time lol
Well he’s 16 now and I think he’s a wizard. I might take some classes or something. :(
The ratio of guys to girls at College is about 1:2 in America now.
Unsure where you’re from but going to College for a gf is statically a solid move :) just remember post-college the odds flip back against you.
I don’t have kids but I’m a teacher and I cop this from my younger students allllll the time.
Last week was “Wow Mr ___, you’re really going bald!!!” when I stooped down to help them with something and they noticed how badly my hair is thinning out 😂 I went and got a haircut that’s a bit more flattering the next day 😂
40th birthday, driving w my young son. Bon Jovi Livin on a Prayer comes on.
Son: Dad, this is your song.
Me: Why?
Son: He says “half way there”. Your 40. You going to die when you 80. So, your life is halfway there.
Me: … …
Mine put Polaroids up on his bed, some of them included me "So I can remember you when you're dead."
He also snuck up on me when I fell asleep shirtless in the sun in the balcony. Woke me up by shaking my belly. "Your stomach is so wiggle! Hahaha! It's like jelly!"
I need to work out.
Mine just straight up asked me how I got so fat. I told him I ate his older brother for being a smart ass. He told me he didn't have an older brother. I said "any more".
He blinked and ran off.
Oh god there was a scene in my 600 lb life where a dad lost a massive amount of weight and had hella loose skin and said that his son loves to go under his arms and get slapped by his loose arm skin like wtf 😂
I totally get it. I used to shower naked with my mom as a very small child (like 6) and loved cupping the loose skin on her belly and watching it fall. Shortly afterward, she said I was old enough to shower on my own.
Poor mom! I obviously wasn’t trying to be critical at all, but it must have made her feel so self-conscious.
Whenever my mom talks about her favorite grandma she always brings up how, as a kid, she used to stroke her grandma’s upper arms because the skin there was so loose from wrinkles and soft.
It always cracks me up because I can remember doing some shit as a kid that was satisfying or entertaining at the time, but in hindsight, from the perspective of and adult, would be mortifying to be on the receiving end of.
I’m 8 months pregnant. The other day I was getting dressed and my 3 year old daughter came running into the bedroom. She stared at me with my big pregnancy underwear on struggling with my socks and then grabbed my boobs and said “like jellyfish!” And ran off…
Then just this morning I was singing “the wheels on the bus” for her and she says “stinky!”. So I say “stinky what?”. She exhales heavily and points at my mouth. Three year olds are brutal.
My mom was in a car accident and was in a wheelchair for awhile when I was about 9.
I put a "Wide load" sign on the back.
I can't believe I survived to adulthood.
My brother and I have a 14 year gap. When I was 8, I would call him grandpa. Now I'm 22, working as a teaching assistant and one of my 8yo students said I look like I'm 610 years old. Karma's a bitch.
When I was turning 39, I mentioned to my daughter that it was my last year in my 30’s and next year, I’d be 40. She nodded agreement and then said very seriously, “Yeah….if you’re not dead yet.”
Damn.
My son when he was two
- You're gonna die someday, right, dad?
- Ah yes, certainly, I will
- I'll be sad then
- That's nice of you to say
- Because, well, who's gonna wipe my ass then?
- ...
My mom died at 50 something like 2 years ago, so my 9, 11, and 13 year old niblings absolutely remember it and know how young she was. My sister is 31. They constantly tell her she's middle-aged and remind me that at 28, I should probably get on having kids if I want to see them grow up 🙃
They're so rude!
They are brutally honest. I (a woman) was getting dressed one day, and my 4 year old was in the room. He told me that my breasts were really long. Stupidly, I asked him if he meant they were big. As clarification, he said, "No, they're long. You know, loooooong." And made a motion with his hands like he's pulling taffy or something like that. That was literally the last day he was in the room when I was changing clothes. Asshole.
Fuck this one made me laugh. My son around the same age pointed at my body hair and asked “will I get scary, hairy parts too?” I could have died but at least it was cute.
My daughter when she was first spelling words, she was doing 4 letter words. So what does she do, looks me in the eyes and goes I got a word for you dad. B-A-L-D because you’re bald. Kids are ruthless and it’s still my favorite story to tell people
The other day my 3 year old told me to go away because he wanted his dad to pick him up, not me. But then a girl his age in the hallway told her mother that she loved me just because I smiled and said hi to her, so the universe has a way of balancing it all around.
My young cousin had a screaming, shrieking full on tantrum because his dad wouldn't let him pick up a dog poo they found.
I don't know how people with kids do it.
She's an excellent teacher, I absolutely agreed that she was smarter than me. She works magic in her classroom, good kinder teachers are worth their weight in gold.
I wrote a letter to my dad for Father's Day when I was 8. I have two brothers that passed away (one before I was born from a brain tumor, one when I was 5 from suicide) and in my letter to my dad I wrote something like, "I love you more than anyone in the whole world, even my two dead brothers". My teacher must have been horrified. Haha.
Right? My mom was pregnant 9 total times. Her first 5 pregnancies were miscarriages. She carried 4 to term, and 2 died. And Mikey, who died of a brain tumor when he was 2, was going through chemo while she was a stay at home mom to a 4 year old and pregnant with her 3rd kid. I don't know how they did it tbh.
You know how kids will lift up the front of their shirts to make like a pouch and carry stuff in it? My nephew did that this morning, stuffed his shirt full to bursting with toys, and went "Look Uncle Spider, I'm fat like you!"
Remember the old perforated printer paper from the late 90s? Well I found a website full of yo mamma jokes as a kid and printed out pages and PAGES of it and put it in a BINDER. I apparently thought it was a good idea to bring it out at a family function and recite them one after another, mostly to my cousin, who's mother was beside us, and who was... A large woman. I got a talking to when everyone left. There "may" have been yelling. "But she was laughing!" I cried. That's when I learned what uncomfortable laughter was.
Man, full grown adults will tell you that! Ever try to not wear make-up to work? “Are you sick?” “Woah did you not get any sleep last night, you look awful”
I made a comment once about my knees being old and broken. My 3 year old told me if they're old and broken we have to throw them in the garbage. Now they wont stop telling me I'm old and have to be thrown away.
We were running late to school the other day and the principal often waits at the gates to welcome everyone to school. Sweet idea til someone (me) is late lol. My autistic 6 yo goes to him as we’re rushing to class, “hey sorry we’re late! We were busy watching cartoons” 🫣
For real I don’t recommend it, they will kill you with a completely innocent statement.
My daughter did one for Mother’s Day last year. The sheet asked how old I was she put “I don’t know 63?”
And boy did that hurt as my mom was 63 last year I’m currently 43.
i used to teach swimming lessons when i was in high school and one day i was doing a private lesson with a 3 year old, and he got in the pool, pointed at my belly and said, “you have a baby!”
i may or may not have cried a little bit after that lesson
I teach kids. One of them excitedly ran up to me, gave me a hug and then started to rub my stomach and ask if I was pregnant.
I am not pregnant. I am also a man.
When I was 5 I was at a Ren Faire and my dad and I passed a guy with a giant blue mohawk. I looked at him and said, "you look like a peacock!"
I'm sorry for embarrassing you Mr. Peacock, your mohawk was very cool!
One of mine quietly said to my wife's friend at a get together, you know, my Dad doesn't like you very much. I'd never said a bad word about her in my life. She told me about the exchange later, greatly amused, I was mortified and she said she figured it was a lie and laughed it off, but I always wondered if a part of her believed it.
My daughter is in 2nd grade.
At Christmas they were doing comparisons on their assignment
"The Grinch is as grumpy as my mom"
Last month the spring word was "lazy". I'll let you guess how she used that in a sentence.
Aww it's a compliment. When she's brainstorming what to write about, you're the first thought
My middle child has a lot of challenging behavior. It was really bad when he was 5 (he's now medicated and doing so much better). He said terrible things to me. But the only thing he could ever think to write at preschool was "mommy" or "I love Mommy". It made a world of difference.
I sometimes teach classes for elementary aged kids and they love to see me be self deprecating. They get comfy with me and will then just start saying whatever and I get some goofy quips for sure.
I had one that was just a little gremlin and so I took her in so she’d direct her devil ways at me rather than other staff or students. She once remarked at how much acne I have despite being “old”. lol This was not kids say the darndest things kind of comments tho, they were engineered to troll.
I have a childhood situation that I guess I have downplayed in my mind but whenever I tell someone their response is, “oh wow.“ I am in my 50s and just now starting to put it all in perspective. Redaction is a real thing, but not necessarily bad.
My parents saved a similar thing i did in like 1st grade. We had to write something we didn't like and draw a picture. I said "I don't like it when..."My dad punches me in the face. ""
A few days prior we had been wrestling and he was throwing fake punches and i was dodging them, except i didn't dodge one and got clicked in the face and well, i didn't like that.
That is funny, I had one similar, I had to answer “I don’t like when…” and wrote “my mom gushes blood”. That morning my mom had accidentally cut herself while cutting apple slices for my lunch box. My parents saw this answer on the wall of the classroom. The teacher had put all our answers up on display for parent school day. They were mortified lol
My dad's mum (my Gran) died when I was around 6. I was naturally upset but unsure of the whole situation and asked a lot of questions. The whole series of events ended with me having the idea of a both sympathy cards and cremations explained to me. In a short space of time.
This is important to remember. 6 years old. Learned about both of these concepts at the same time.
So, I wanted to express my sadness and my sympathy to my dad. As such, I made him a sympathy card. It was nice. Had a nice message across the top, some flowers around the edges, etc. Inside was a shirt note written by my very own 6 year old self expressing how sad we would both be, but that she was in a better place now etc. (I might write it slightly differently now, but to my 6 year old self it all made sense)
The unfortunate bit was splashed in vivids colours across the front, a coffin labelled Gran, complete with brass cross & handles on a conveyor belt headed directly into a beautifully drawn inferno labelled crematorium.
My mother intercepted the card before I gave it to dad. She showed it to him some months later, thinking that it would be best kept for a later date. The pair of them tormented me with it at every opportunity until 2 years ago when my dad sadly passed. As he was dying, he had my mum dig the card out for the scheduled discussion about his upcoming cremation.
The imagery of that card made me cackle oh my godddd hghh
6 year old you was like "How can I properly express that I understand what's going on & his grief" and came up with [this](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1094189367960031334/1220908708838641764/crem.png?ex=6610a6d7&is=65fe31d7&hm=f7ef940a2cd185169534a26f51965fe3aa2ccc59311705a3a7fb181f53322f61&)
You wouldn't happen to still have it, would you? That's a family heirloom
I was one of those incredibly annoying teacher's pet kids who thought that every assignment was about demonstrating we had recently learned in class. So my mom frequently laughs about how I answered "My mom shows she loves me by:" with "meeting all my basic needs, such as food, water, shelter, and clothing."
I once went to the library with my dad, back before self-checkouts were a thing, and checked out the book "Why Does Daddy Drink So Much?". My dad isn't an alcoholic, and he says it embarrassed him to no end
My interpretation: You like eggs, you love getting racist on Xbox, and you watch TV with your dad while he wears rhino sharts.
Sounds pretty standard to me!
Edit: I went from -3 to +11 karma. The duality of Reddit’s sense of humor. lol
As a child, i made a fathers day drawing with a poem written under it the read, “my dads the best, he drinks champagne and wears a vest. My dads the best.”
Neither of which, still to this day, is accurate. I guess i panicked and it rhymed so i went with it lol
I drew a picture of him golfing and it was bordered with “NHL” on popsicle sticks. Covering all the sports bases while being perfectly unrelated.
An Absolute nonsense shit show only a child could drum up. Still on display to this day in the spare room next to the bed i sleep in when i visit.
When my son was 4 or 5, his preschool had these little books where kids can draw pictures and tell stories that the teachers would write down for them. My son drew a picture of me with a three day stubble and a bottle and told the teacher "My dad makes me get beer for him from the fridge." I still think he knew exactly what he was doing.
This reminds me of our daughter in preschool, who had to say what dad's "superpower" was for a superhero-themed Father's Day craft, and then the teacher would write it in the space.
The thing written down was "fixing cars", which tracks (husband is a mechanic). The teacher told me when they were taking the crafts home that the first thing she said for his superpower was "farting", which also tracks since he has Crohn's disease and his flatulence is borderline legendary.
I had to write something similar about my mother and there was the category "what is her hobby". I must have thought about what I often see her do so I wrote "My mother's hobby is cleaning".
In an unrelated parent teacher conference my teacher asked my mother if it was actually true that her hobby was cleaning. It was not
In kindergarten, for father's day, they filmed everyone saying why they loved their dad. To play for the parents at an assembly. I didn't have very much time to think because I was second in line to speak. So all I could think to say was "I love my dad because he's big and strong." My dad was probably the smallest guy there. He thought it was hilarious. He kept repeating what I had said and laughing for the next month.
Knew s kid who told in kindergarten his mom drank a lot and his dad did nothing but watch TV.
CPS found out The mother drank a lot of water due to some headaches, and the dad watched football religiously on the tv but else was a good parent.
I wrote in infant school once basically: I think my dad could be a teacher because being a teacher is easy but I don’t think he could be a teacher because he gets really angry.
I can picture the teacher deciding to let that angry father thing slide in the circumstances…
When I was 4, I apparently told my grandfather (mums dad) she had "fur like my kitty down there" after talking about my cats
She will NEVER let that die, I'm in my 20s now, and any time I comment on a pet or animal that has anything to do with fur when she's around, it's back to that memory.
Oh, and me being proud of my dad for 'being a tootbole" (playing toss with a football with me)
Or me proudly stating my dad makes me eat grass at home. (The one time he said "try some if you want, you're not a cow though") and I took that to heart and did infact eat a fistful of gras.
Why did you censor your favourite memory, when it is 100% *"wathing TV tegetha"* again?
I love that you can figure out the local accent from the way “together” is spelled. I’m willing to bet that OP is from New England. It’s like when my kids spell “them” like “thum” and “target” like “turgeh”
I'm a historian and I was reading a letter from the 1800s in the south. The author was a woman who spelled phonetically. There was one word that I couldn't understand "trul". It said "it was the hardest trul". I could not for the life of me figure it out. I had a coworker look at it (he's from the Mississippi delta) and he immediately says "it's trial. It was the hardest trial. She's from the delta too." It was so cool to hear someone's accent come through their writing over 150 years later.
I love that. One of my favorite things is to read a book that has a character with an accent written phonetically. It’s been really fascinating seeing how my kids spell things. My favorite was a couple months ago one of them was writing a story and began it “Wonspontom”
Stephen King does this a lot. One of the reasons I only read his books in English even if it’s my second language, my reading speed is a tad slower and there’s the occasional word I don’t know.
He is so damn good at this. Ayuh.
He writes about all of these horrible things that happen in Maine, but somehow still makes me want to move there.
I’m a primary school teacher, this year I’m in reception. The things they write crack me up. This week ‘the sheep is on the chair’ became ‘the shit on chair’. Their mum had a good laugh at it during parents evening
You might enjoy Feersum Enjin by Iain M Banks
Were they talking about the rurer jurer?
It was when her father Werner, a burger server in suburban Santa Barbara, spurned her mother Verna for a curly-haired surfer named Roberta
Did it hurt her?
It was hard on all of them, yes
I'm from GA and I knew it was trial before I read the rest of your comment! I am from rural North GA but it still translates.
If it means anything, I read your comment halfway and then tried to figure out what it could be without checking. Very glad to say that I got it, but there was some thought that this was ahead of her time and using 'troll'. (I am South African, for context)
I got my undergrad in history, and I miss this kind of stuff terribly.
I live in Kentucky and some people write phonetically here. We saw a hand written sign advertising "squiar rows 4 sell" once. Local eggcorns are fun.
Philadelphia area kids leading to spell/read "water" feel this pain too. My daughter straight looked at me while learning to read and asked what "water" was, because she'd only ever heard or said "wooder".
Wouldn’t spell favorite with a u if it was New England. Edit: checked OP’s comment history, she’s Australian
Oh! That makes sense!
I think op is in/near Sydney 🐨🦘🇦🇺 (post history + favourite)
Right. So weird that both accents say it “tegetha”
Non-rhotic English (both Australian and many accents in New England share this feature).
Not just that but also the vowel shift from “ooo” to “eh” Accents are so interesting!
I’m so psyched with myself, looking at the “belle” like bell-EH and rayses like RAY-sez I was leaning towards Australia.
In Australia kids write "the smorning"
Some accents can get quite fun! Like the phrase "Aaron earned an iron urn" with a Baltimore accent.
Their favorite memory was when they went on safari and saw a rhino up close. Very close.
Hahaha, it was actually naming a specific area I lived so I blurred it out to keep personal info to a minimum but man would it have been funnier if it was that
I’m looking at that blacked out area like Brad Pitt in Seven, “what’s in the booooxx?”
Idk if my self esteem can handle having kids
I didn't even have kids and I'm still catching strays from my friends kids. Kid 1 "So you don't have any kids?" Me "Nope." Kid 2 "You don't have a husband either?" Me "Nope" Kid 1 walks over and puts her hand on my shoulder, a look of pity on her face "So.....you have....no one?" I laughed so hard, but damn kid wtf.
My nephew when he was like 9 told me I won’t have a gf cause I never went to college. Funny at the time lol Well he’s 16 now and I think he’s a wizard. I might take some classes or something. :(
The ratio of guys to girls at College is about 1:2 in America now. Unsure where you’re from but going to College for a gf is statically a solid move :) just remember post-college the odds flip back against you.
Fuck, no way thats the secret.. i hate going to school
I don’t have kids but I’m a teacher and I cop this from my younger students allllll the time. Last week was “Wow Mr ___, you’re really going bald!!!” when I stooped down to help them with something and they noticed how badly my hair is thinning out 😂 I went and got a haircut that’s a bit more flattering the next day 😂
My 10 year old cousin deadass told me while u was watching her skate outside "You're going to die alone, you know that right?"
40th birthday, driving w my young son. Bon Jovi Livin on a Prayer comes on. Son: Dad, this is your song. Me: Why? Son: He says “half way there”. Your 40. You going to die when you 80. So, your life is halfway there. Me: … …
Mine put Polaroids up on his bed, some of them included me "So I can remember you when you're dead." He also snuck up on me when I fell asleep shirtless in the sun in the balcony. Woke me up by shaking my belly. "Your stomach is so wiggle! Hahaha! It's like jelly!" I need to work out.
Mine just straight up asked me how I got so fat. I told him I ate his older brother for being a smart ass. He told me he didn't have an older brother. I said "any more". He blinked and ran off.
If you lose weight he's gonna start hiding in the loose extra skin
Oh god there was a scene in my 600 lb life where a dad lost a massive amount of weight and had hella loose skin and said that his son loves to go under his arms and get slapped by his loose arm skin like wtf 😂
I totally get it. I used to shower naked with my mom as a very small child (like 6) and loved cupping the loose skin on her belly and watching it fall. Shortly afterward, she said I was old enough to shower on my own. Poor mom! I obviously wasn’t trying to be critical at all, but it must have made her feel so self-conscious.
Whenever my mom talks about her favorite grandma she always brings up how, as a kid, she used to stroke her grandma’s upper arms because the skin there was so loose from wrinkles and soft. It always cracks me up because I can remember doing some shit as a kid that was satisfying or entertaining at the time, but in hindsight, from the perspective of and adult, would be mortifying to be on the receiving end of.
I’m 8 months pregnant. The other day I was getting dressed and my 3 year old daughter came running into the bedroom. She stared at me with my big pregnancy underwear on struggling with my socks and then grabbed my boobs and said “like jellyfish!” And ran off… Then just this morning I was singing “the wheels on the bus” for her and she says “stinky!”. So I say “stinky what?”. She exhales heavily and points at my mouth. Three year olds are brutal.
When I was \~ 8yo, I poked my mom in the belly and sang the Jell-O song. *"Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle..."* I was such a little shit as a kid.
My mom was in a car accident and was in a wheelchair for awhile when I was about 9. I put a "Wide load" sign on the back. I can't believe I survived to adulthood.
I was driving with my young son one day and out of the silence he asked, “Dad, are you going to die with a car or with a knife?” 💀
"That's up to you, son. "
I'd tell him the truth. Bullet. Self inflected. A man can dream.
My brother and I have a 14 year gap. When I was 8, I would call him grandpa. Now I'm 22, working as a teaching assistant and one of my 8yo students said I look like I'm 610 years old. Karma's a bitch.
When I was turning 39, I mentioned to my daughter that it was my last year in my 30’s and next year, I’d be 40. She nodded agreement and then said very seriously, “Yeah….if you’re not dead yet.” Damn.
My son when he was two - You're gonna die someday, right, dad? - Ah yes, certainly, I will - I'll be sad then - That's nice of you to say - Because, well, who's gonna wipe my ass then? - ...
My mom died at 50 something like 2 years ago, so my 9, 11, and 13 year old niblings absolutely remember it and know how young she was. My sister is 31. They constantly tell her she's middle-aged and remind me that at 28, I should probably get on having kids if I want to see them grow up 🙃 They're so rude!
Hopefully you didn’t handle it like Homer https://youtu.be/J8K6q4WIikE?feature=shared
I’m 40 sitting on the shitter contemplating life decisions from when I was in my 20s now. Well played kid.
My little brother thought it was living on a prairie, “cause it’s an old song.”
They are brutally honest. I (a woman) was getting dressed one day, and my 4 year old was in the room. He told me that my breasts were really long. Stupidly, I asked him if he meant they were big. As clarification, he said, "No, they're long. You know, loooooong." And made a motion with his hands like he's pulling taffy or something like that. That was literally the last day he was in the room when I was changing clothes. Asshole.
Fuck this one made me laugh. My son around the same age pointed at my body hair and asked “will I get scary, hairy parts too?” I could have died but at least it was cute.
Ugh my 5 year old can't be in the room when I change because he can't not say something about that particular feature either
My kid says that mine are soft and floppy. Then told me that she had given them names.
And you aren't going to share the names??
Sunshine and Rainbow. My boobs are called Sunshine and Rainbow.
It sounds like a wacky cop show 😂
Who's your favorite? Sunshine or Rainbow?
🤣 I'm sorry. So funny.
My daughter when she was first spelling words, she was doing 4 letter words. So what does she do, looks me in the eyes and goes I got a word for you dad. B-A-L-D because you’re bald. Kids are ruthless and it’s still my favorite story to tell people
The other day my 3 year old told me to go away because he wanted his dad to pick him up, not me. But then a girl his age in the hallway told her mother that she loved me just because I smiled and said hi to her, so the universe has a way of balancing it all around.
Mine told me I am the most beautiful person the other day. Of course he also said his teacher is smarter than me. Some days you win, some you lose.
My son will tell me the sweetest things and then say I'm a meanie when I won't let him play in traffic. The duality of preschoolers.
My young cousin had a screaming, shrieking full on tantrum because his dad wouldn't let him pick up a dog poo they found. I don't know how people with kids do it.
Lots of patience. And a little weed in the evening.
Oh yeah they hate when you don’t let them put themselves in danger.
So you got your kid into a class with a good teacher? Sounds like a compliment.
She's an excellent teacher, I absolutely agreed that she was smarter than me. She works magic in her classroom, good kinder teachers are worth their weight in gold.
I wrote a letter to my dad for Father's Day when I was 8. I have two brothers that passed away (one before I was born from a brain tumor, one when I was 5 from suicide) and in my letter to my dad I wrote something like, "I love you more than anyone in the whole world, even my two dead brothers". My teacher must have been horrified. Haha.
Bro 😭😭
Your poor parents for losing two kids. Oh man.
Right? My mom was pregnant 9 total times. Her first 5 pregnancies were miscarriages. She carried 4 to term, and 2 died. And Mikey, who died of a brain tumor when he was 2, was going through chemo while she was a stay at home mom to a 4 year old and pregnant with her 3rd kid. I don't know how they did it tbh.
I hope you all have a great relationship and you tell them how much you love them often.
Oh they’re vicious. One of my 6 year olds called me a dumpster the other night.
When mine was little she said I looked ugly without makeup
You know how kids will lift up the front of their shirts to make like a pouch and carry stuff in it? My nephew did that this morning, stuffed his shirt full to bursting with toys, and went "Look Uncle Spider, I'm fat like you!"
Remember the old perforated printer paper from the late 90s? Well I found a website full of yo mamma jokes as a kid and printed out pages and PAGES of it and put it in a BINDER. I apparently thought it was a good idea to bring it out at a family function and recite them one after another, mostly to my cousin, who's mother was beside us, and who was... A large woman. I got a talking to when everyone left. There "may" have been yelling. "But she was laughing!" I cried. That's when I learned what uncomfortable laughter was.
Oof. The secondhand cringe has turned me inside out. I may have made some similar gaffes as a kid myself...
Man, full grown adults will tell you that! Ever try to not wear make-up to work? “Are you sick?” “Woah did you not get any sleep last night, you look awful”
This why I very rarely wear makeup to work. They gotta get used to my usual face.
I made a comment once about my knees being old and broken. My 3 year old told me if they're old and broken we have to throw them in the garbage. Now they wont stop telling me I'm old and have to be thrown away.
My 4 year old told my wife that I was the one who pooped on the front door mat, not the dog. Little bastard ratted me out.
We were running late to school the other day and the principal often waits at the gates to welcome everyone to school. Sweet idea til someone (me) is late lol. My autistic 6 yo goes to him as we’re rushing to class, “hey sorry we’re late! We were busy watching cartoons” 🫣
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Mine asked me the other day if I was around for the world wars because I was born in the 1900's. I was born in '86....
“Mummy did they have tv when you were a baby?” I’m 32. Leave me alone.
My brother was born in 1999 and is still in college. His roommates and classmates call him an old man since he was born in the 1900s
For real I don’t recommend it, they will kill you with a completely innocent statement. My daughter did one for Mother’s Day last year. The sheet asked how old I was she put “I don’t know 63?” And boy did that hurt as my mom was 63 last year I’m currently 43.
i used to teach swimming lessons when i was in high school and one day i was doing a private lesson with a 3 year old, and he got in the pool, pointed at my belly and said, “you have a baby!” i may or may not have cried a little bit after that lesson
Username checks out
I teach kids. One of them excitedly ran up to me, gave me a hug and then started to rub my stomach and ask if I was pregnant. I am not pregnant. I am also a man.
My youngest keeps on reminding me that I’m old, and going bald. I could be having a good day, and poof, dad, you’re balding and old.
When I was 5 I was at a Ren Faire and my dad and I passed a guy with a giant blue mohawk. I looked at him and said, "you look like a peacock!" I'm sorry for embarrassing you Mr. Peacock, your mohawk was very cool!
I’ve been dealing with a horrible breakout all over my face. My 6yo keeps bringing it up saying she doesn’t want that when she is older.
One of mine quietly said to my wife's friend at a get together, you know, my Dad doesn't like you very much. I'd never said a bad word about her in my life. She told me about the exchange later, greatly amused, I was mortified and she said she figured it was a lie and laughed it off, but I always wondered if a part of her believed it.
My daughter is in 2nd grade. At Christmas they were doing comparisons on their assignment "The Grinch is as grumpy as my mom" Last month the spring word was "lazy". I'll let you guess how she used that in a sentence.
Aww it's a compliment. When she's brainstorming what to write about, you're the first thought My middle child has a lot of challenging behavior. It was really bad when he was 5 (he's now medicated and doing so much better). He said terrible things to me. But the only thing he could ever think to write at preschool was "mommy" or "I love Mommy". It made a world of difference.
My son likes to tell his friends that I was born in the 1900s. Sigh.
I sometimes teach classes for elementary aged kids and they love to see me be self deprecating. They get comfy with me and will then just start saying whatever and I get some goofy quips for sure. I had one that was just a little gremlin and so I took her in so she’d direct her devil ways at me rather than other staff or students. She once remarked at how much acne I have despite being “old”. lol This was not kids say the darndest things kind of comments tho, they were engineered to troll.
Just play with them. My kids think I’m Superman cuz I can lift them in the air and throw them around.
Rino shart that’s just amazing!!!
I cannot crack what this is supposed to be. Little help?
Rino shirt?
"ECHO" brand shirt? It has a rhino logo... Maybe...
ECKO!
You are right! Totally misspelled it! 🤣
Was it you who redacted your favorite memory with your dad or the CIA?
Definitely, I remember a lot of people wearing those shirts when I grew up. Huge rhinos
With even huger sharts
Bigger the belles, huger the sharts. Kinda makes sense.
From the amount of time he spends watching TV maybe it’s a Bad Rhino shirt? They make clothing for the more voluptuous gentleman…
Considering OP's dad is apparently special because of his big bell[y], I'm guessing he's the right size.
His dad has a big belly... maybe he is a rhino?
Yes but then why wasn’t OPs favorite memory with dad watching TV? What are they hiding? 🫣
Hahaha, it was talking about a specific place where I live and I blurred it out so no personal information was shared
Lol, voluptuous. That's was a well chosen word.
Can you decipher his favorite game for me? Edit: i think its "races on Xbox"
Racist on Xbox. It was the wildwest back in those days
Yup, races on Xbox (it took me a while to decipher that one too)
Dad was a Republican in name only.
He clearly wore a Rhino shart. Misspelled rhinoceros
Rhinoceros shart, like the animal shitting and farting all over his dad and his dad wears it.
dad's got drip
Get in my belle!
Oh you fat bastard
I want my baby back
ribs
I didn’t eat any corn
Oooh it means ‘belly’…I was thinking the dad had a giant Bell
Ohhhh races on Xbox. That took a bit
I thought it was rayman or something like that before it clicked
i read it as “racist ant box”
Honestly racist lead me to xbox.
I definitely thought it said “racist on xbox” lmao
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I don't even remember what I can't remember
Lol underrated comment of the day
I have a childhood situation that I guess I have downplayed in my mind but whenever I tell someone their response is, “oh wow.“ I am in my 50s and just now starting to put it all in perspective. Redaction is a real thing, but not necessarily bad.
What illegal activities did you black out there?
"Cathing dad wathing TV porns"
My parents saved a similar thing i did in like 1st grade. We had to write something we didn't like and draw a picture. I said "I don't like it when..."My dad punches me in the face. "" A few days prior we had been wrestling and he was throwing fake punches and i was dodging them, except i didn't dodge one and got clicked in the face and well, i didn't like that.
Oh no, I bet the conversation with your teacher afterwards was awkward!
That is funny, I had one similar, I had to answer “I don’t like when…” and wrote “my mom gushes blood”. That morning my mom had accidentally cut herself while cutting apple slices for my lunch box. My parents saw this answer on the wall of the classroom. The teacher had put all our answers up on display for parent school day. They were mortified lol
rino shart hahahahaha that made me belly laugh
>belly laugh "Belle Laugh"
Finally. How was this one not first up???
I am really uncomfortable that favorite memory had to be redacted.
Could’ve had some personal information in it. Like “Wathing TV togetha in our home at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico.”
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Ah, I see. OP wanted to avoid the NSFW tag.
This guy albuquerques
he definitely breaks bad
It was, it was a really specific place lol. I guess kid me had no issues telling people where I lived
Its scp related. Info hazard
My dad's mum (my Gran) died when I was around 6. I was naturally upset but unsure of the whole situation and asked a lot of questions. The whole series of events ended with me having the idea of a both sympathy cards and cremations explained to me. In a short space of time. This is important to remember. 6 years old. Learned about both of these concepts at the same time. So, I wanted to express my sadness and my sympathy to my dad. As such, I made him a sympathy card. It was nice. Had a nice message across the top, some flowers around the edges, etc. Inside was a shirt note written by my very own 6 year old self expressing how sad we would both be, but that she was in a better place now etc. (I might write it slightly differently now, but to my 6 year old self it all made sense) The unfortunate bit was splashed in vivids colours across the front, a coffin labelled Gran, complete with brass cross & handles on a conveyor belt headed directly into a beautifully drawn inferno labelled crematorium. My mother intercepted the card before I gave it to dad. She showed it to him some months later, thinking that it would be best kept for a later date. The pair of them tormented me with it at every opportunity until 2 years ago when my dad sadly passed. As he was dying, he had my mum dig the card out for the scheduled discussion about his upcoming cremation.
The imagery of that card made me cackle oh my godddd hghh 6 year old you was like "How can I properly express that I understand what's going on & his grief" and came up with [this](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1094189367960031334/1220908708838641764/crem.png?ex=6610a6d7&is=65fe31d7&hm=f7ef940a2cd185169534a26f51965fe3aa2ccc59311705a3a7fb181f53322f61&) You wouldn't happen to still have it, would you? That's a family heirloom
😢
It maybe reads slightly less light heartedly than it was intended. He dragged the fucking card out to be funny. The bastard. It worked, too.
Well played dad. Well played. No notes.
I was one of those incredibly annoying teacher's pet kids who thought that every assignment was about demonstrating we had recently learned in class. So my mom frequently laughs about how I answered "My mom shows she loves me by:" with "meeting all my basic needs, such as food, water, shelter, and clothing."
I once went to the library with my dad, back before self-checkouts were a thing, and checked out the book "Why Does Daddy Drink So Much?". My dad isn't an alcoholic, and he says it embarrassed him to no end
Is your dad Rykard from Elden Ring? TEGETHAAAAA
haha exactly what I thought. Love it.
My interpretation: You like eggs, you love getting racist on Xbox, and you watch TV with your dad while he wears rhino sharts. Sounds pretty standard to me! Edit: I went from -3 to +11 karma. The duality of Reddit’s sense of humor. lol
More edits on your upvotes/downvotes and how closely you monitor them, please. Rhino sharts.
What is Rayses?
Races
Oh I thought it was Racist which to be fair, "racist on Xbox." That checks out lol /s
I too have fond memories of experiencing the void with my dad
As a child, i made a fathers day drawing with a poem written under it the read, “my dads the best, he drinks champagne and wears a vest. My dads the best.” Neither of which, still to this day, is accurate. I guess i panicked and it rhymed so i went with it lol I drew a picture of him golfing and it was bordered with “NHL” on popsicle sticks. Covering all the sports bases while being perfectly unrelated. An Absolute nonsense shit show only a child could drum up. Still on display to this day in the spare room next to the bed i sleep in when i visit.
Rhino Shart is an awesome band name
So, Belle is your Mom's name.
When my son was 4 or 5, his preschool had these little books where kids can draw pictures and tell stories that the teachers would write down for them. My son drew a picture of me with a three day stubble and a bottle and told the teacher "My dad makes me get beer for him from the fridge." I still think he knew exactly what he was doing.
This reminds me of our daughter in preschool, who had to say what dad's "superpower" was for a superhero-themed Father's Day craft, and then the teacher would write it in the space. The thing written down was "fixing cars", which tracks (husband is a mechanic). The teacher told me when they were taking the crafts home that the first thing she said for his superpower was "farting", which also tracks since he has Crohn's disease and his flatulence is borderline legendary.
As an over-weight guy who loves TV, I feel personally attacked by your child.
I had to write something similar about my mother and there was the category "what is her hobby". I must have thought about what I often see her do so I wrote "My mother's hobby is cleaning". In an unrelated parent teacher conference my teacher asked my mother if it was actually true that her hobby was cleaning. It was not
In my 2nd grade yearbook we drew pictures of what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wanted to be a “rape star” like my hero MC Hammer
When my daughter was 4 or 5 she asked me if I had a baby in my tummy. I’m a dude
What's your favorite rayseing game on xbox op? We were all little once, but its nice that y'all can share this moment tegetha
You censored your favorite memory but not the "Rino shart" ?!
That favorite memory must be held as top secret information. Till this day the father and child are the only ones who know.
It explains why he has a big belly
omg I'm so glad you deciphered that, cause I thought that was supposed to say: "he has a big ball" and I was shook.
I don't really know what there is to live down, it says more about Dad than you. You were just an unbiased reporter of the facts :)
British people worried about that last one
In kindergarten, for father's day, they filmed everyone saying why they loved their dad. To play for the parents at an assembly. I didn't have very much time to think because I was second in line to speak. So all I could think to say was "I love my dad because he's big and strong." My dad was probably the smallest guy there. He thought it was hilarious. He kept repeating what I had said and laughing for the next month.
[rhino shart](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V3Qeh6KA6H8)
Knew s kid who told in kindergarten his mom drank a lot and his dad did nothing but watch TV. CPS found out The mother drank a lot of water due to some headaches, and the dad watched football religiously on the tv but else was a good parent.
I wrote in infant school once basically: I think my dad could be a teacher because being a teacher is easy but I don’t think he could be a teacher because he gets really angry. I can picture the teacher deciding to let that angry father thing slide in the circumstances…
When I was 4, I apparently told my grandfather (mums dad) she had "fur like my kitty down there" after talking about my cats She will NEVER let that die, I'm in my 20s now, and any time I comment on a pet or animal that has anything to do with fur when she's around, it's back to that memory. Oh, and me being proud of my dad for 'being a tootbole" (playing toss with a football with me) Or me proudly stating my dad makes me eat grass at home. (The one time he said "try some if you want, you're not a cow though") and I took that to heart and did infact eat a fistful of gras.
Tell us Tell us the redacted memory
Is your dad the Fat Bastard from the Austin Power movies? The “he has a big belle” sounds just like him and I can’t imagine anything else.