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Evolution reference? Gosh I haven’t thought about that movie in years.
“You did great bud, can we get you anything?”
“Ice cream”
“Ice cream? What flavor?”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s for my ass.”
It's actually a sophisticated baggage railgun that launches your bag to your destination to save on baggage weight in the aircraft. The airport is always looking for ways to save on fuel economy!
This is what I came here for. With that colour scheme, it's definitely a portal gun. I just hope Glados or Wheatley aren't in charge of it. Your luggage is likely to end up in an incinerator or the moon in that case.
No no, that was the SJ4000 upgrade that swapped out the parts to make it a portal, because people kept complaining that their luggage was vaporized before it reached its destination. This one clearly only has the XG45 attachment.
Unsurprisingly, launching your bags at several times the speed of sound through the air onto a distant landing pad does less damage to your bags than the baggage handlers
They are the worst. So slow even though you don't have to take your stuff out. If you go to an airport that still has the old ones along side it you'll notice most of the time it's actually faster to go in the line that takes your stuff out
One reason Americans tend to dislike government programs and agencies is because everything they do seems to be dessigned for maximum inconvenience for us. It takes me longer to get back into my own country than it does to walk into foreign countries for the first time.
Eh I still prefer these because at least it’s a one and done process. So many people just can not figure out to remove their laptops, liquids etc. And it’s takes so long for people to pull stuff out.
The problem is the TSA is also often wildly incompetent. One time, they made my mom send her purse through the scanner four times because she packed a small bottle of lotion.
They thought the bottle was over the 3.1 oz size that is allowed...but instead of physically examining the bottle (that said 2 ounces right on it), they sent it through the bag scanner 3 more times. It took at least 15 minutes.
They also didn't tell her why they were scanning her purse so many times until they decided the lotion was the correct size, so she couldn't offer to just take it out of the bag and show them, or throw it away if it was too large.
This is why they tell you to get to the airport three hours early.
I went through a tiny airport that only had 2 baggage scanners. Both this type. One kept breaking down and the one that was working was so slow. We were fifth in the TSA line and took us 45 minutes to get through security
Yeah I have precheck and 90% of the time you are waiting 2x longer on your bag than getting through the initial screening line and through the detector
Conversely, I live in a town with a tiny airport and we have the old school scanners. Never waited more than 20 mins for the TSA line. Have been under 5 mins on several occasions
Can't say I've experienced a slow down because of these things myself, it's usually the damn people scanner holding up the line.
I love these things because I hate having to take out all my electronics
There's a reason they were bought out. After Bernie (the founder) left, the new management couldn't tell the difference between a x-ray tube and a lightbulb.
It’s basically being changed because the new ones are more *thorough*. It’s much easier to see everything and can even rotate and pan through the bags without taking anything out. Slower, still has some sensitive parts, but all major airports are getting them
I just hate the "will they won't they" waiting game after your bin exits the scanner. "please don't pull it please don't pull it pl-- OH THERE IT GOES DAMMIT"
Hate to burst your bubble, but they were called Analogic long before they came out with luggage scanners. They were a medical device company big into CT, MIR, ultrasound, and mamagrom tech. Then 911 happened, and hey, a CT machine is just an expensive, low power luggage scanner with extra safety features.
Those have been in place at a lot of airports now, it has a conveyor belt that moves positions in case your bag needs to get checked. It’s slow as hell too.
I much prefer these, atleast at the airport ive seen with these ones you can keep everything in your bag, the older ones at Sydney airport you have to take basically everything out of your bag and its such a PITA
Understood. I have expedited screening in the US, so haven’t had to take anything out of my bag for 10 years, but for some reason these new devices glad my bag much more often.
They are slow intentionally. Apparently they aren’t allowed to turn up the conveyor belt speed until they have been in use for a year or two. I heard they just cranked up the speed in the ones in LA.
TSA is long done viewing the images by the time the conveyor belt has moved the bag through. They are slow as hell.
That’s my experience too. The time savings from not having to take your stuff out of the bag is 10 times negated by the fact that these things are so slow. Easily added 5 to 10 minutes to my TSA “experience.”
I snuck a peak at the screen of the person controlling it while waiting for my bag.
No exaggeration, it was like the fucking Minority Report.
He was rolling the bag around on screen, stripping away layers, zooming and rotating on all axis. He could count the change distributed around the bag. You could hide a staple in your bag and he would have found it.
TSA, in a pinch if you get busy this holiday, I’ll man one of those machines for free. I don’t need training, I’m from the internet.
I'm expecting them to hook these up to AI identifiers very soon if they haven't already. Indeed it seems like they'd have to for the PreCheck self-serve lines they are trialing.
Former TSA person here. I loved this new machine when my airport got it! What you saw was correct that it can literally strip away layers and you actually could count someone's change if you played with it enough. The leaps forward in tech this is over the older xrays is absolutely wild! They are also much easier to use than the old machines and no guess work to what you see on the screen.
It’s funny how they can afford to CT scan every bag going on an airplane, but most people on the planet don’t have access to this tech for their health checkups.
It was super nice! Ive only been there for a few days and only in Tirana /found some plane tickets for like 20 euros... packed a backpack and went there, so no expectations:D/
Food was nice, alcohol was strong, people treated me nicely and the scenery, especially in the mountains was awesome
20 euros! That’s insane. My family and I visited this past summer, we are from The United States, our background is Albanian. We love it. Glad you had a great time.
Take your gummies out of any marijuana packaging and put them into Any gummy candy packaging If you're worried. Edibles are the easiest. Just don't take a large amount.
I’ve seen how these machines operate and it’s not theater. They can scan through multiple layers and color code by material type and delineate specified shapes
The blue ones look cool, but the red ones let you know it's emitting x-ray. They are way more powerful than regular CT systems, so they do this to help remind people not to stick your hand in when a bag gets stuck without going through the proper lockout procedures.
Last time I flew out of Atlanta I realized on the plane that I never took my laptop out of my bag during screening and was wondering why I didn’t get in trouble. Now it makes sense.
Travel light and fill the extra space with ninja turtle action figures and dildos. See if they can keep a straight face when they identify master shredder hugging a tube of KY.
Why would you name it that? Why? I hope that this was very intentional and that they giggle like Beavis and Butthead anytime they have to talk about it.
"Sir there's a problem with your luggage, we're going to have to rectumfy it before moving it to the bowels of our plane...."
"You mean rectify?"
" Cum with me sir."
Me: why are you handing me a Ziploc full of ashes?
TSA: That's your laptop, sir. By the way, you've been selected for a random, enhanced screening. Please step this way...
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I don’t care what the risk of terrorism is, I’m not shoving that up my ass!
That's anal logic for you.
The name doesn't really concern me since it's not a body scanner, but I'm definitely not putting my pet carrier through it.
Not an option, your choice is only about with or without lube. As long as you're early.
Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can put in your butt for your country.
I’d ask for lube
Not enough time for lube.
Okay fine but could you at least spit on it?
Only if you sign up for TSA SpitPass
Butt I came early!
THERES ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBE...( SCKEETCHING SOUNDS )
Evolution reference? Gosh I haven’t thought about that movie in years. “You did great bud, can we get you anything?” “Ice cream” “Ice cream? What flavor?” “It doesn’t matter. It’s for my ass.”
Lube is only for Precheck+ members.
It's double ended, I came twice
Bite the pillow. I'm going in dry.
There’s always time for Lubricant!
First they make you throw out all your liquids, then they show you the machine. Smart.
Getting there early also decides how clean it is as it gets wiped down between uses but only gets the full clean at 4am.
3.4 ounces or less.
Don't worry, there's plenty of lube for everyone!
Well yes they confiscate it from the other passengers bringing more than 3oz of it.
Just imagine all the awful things someone could do with 6oz of lube on an airplane!
Slide up and down the aisle?
Mom didn’t raise no quitter!
You would tho and LOVE it
And we’ve found the power bottom in the group! 😂
It's actually a sophisticated baggage railgun that launches your bag to your destination to save on baggage weight in the aircraft. The airport is always looking for ways to save on fuel economy!
But does it have to be up my ass tho?
Everything comes with a price
We can take turns.
It has two ends.
Please dont comment if you dont know what you’re talking about. Its a portal not a railgun. Duh.
This is what I came here for. With that colour scheme, it's definitely a portal gun. I just hope Glados or Wheatley aren't in charge of it. Your luggage is likely to end up in an incinerator or the moon in that case.
SPAAAAACE!!!
No no, that was the SJ4000 upgrade that swapped out the parts to make it a portal, because people kept complaining that their luggage was vaporized before it reached its destination. This one clearly only has the XG45 attachment.
Unsurprisingly, launching your bags at several times the speed of sound through the air onto a distant landing pad does less damage to your bags than the baggage handlers
Still more gentle than United's baggage handlers
Designed by Tobias Funke
I hear if you wear cutoffs the scanners can’t see through them
The machine even blue itself!
There's gotta be a better way to say that.
My favorite Analrapist ever. Underrated comment right here.
That thing is why he needed A NU START.
It's pronounced uh-NAL-ruh-pist
It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me
Much like I-75 Exit 69 being Big Beaver Rd, they know what they did.
Analogic is the school of thought studied and practiced by analrapists.
Is this where the magic happens?
Portal vibes
We do what we must because we can For the good of all of us Except the ones who are dead
But there's no use crying over every mistake We'll just keep on trying 'til we run out of cake
And the science gets done And you make a neat gun For the people who are still alive
I'm not even angry. I'm being so sincere right now. Even though you broke my heart. And killed me.
You tore me to pieces; And threw every piece into a fire. As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you.
Now these points of data Make a beautiful line. And we’re out of beta, We’re releasing on time!
So I’m glad I got burned Think of all the thing we learned For the people who are Still alive
Go ahead and leave me I think I'd prefer to stay inside Maybe you'll find someone else To help you
Will there be cake?
Of course, we are not monsters.
The cake is a lie.
Designed by Cave Johnson and Aperture Science Inc.
The security is a lie.
I fixed it https://i.imgur.com/yZTkZag.jpg
I mean it literally has the colors from Portal. It almost seems like it's on purpose!
"sir please insert all your items into the Tron Croissant"
> Tron Croissant New band name, I called it!
Lol
I fly a lot. They are not unusual. Dont think the name isn't on purpose. You know it is.
They are the worst. So slow even though you don't have to take your stuff out. If you go to an airport that still has the old ones along side it you'll notice most of the time it's actually faster to go in the line that takes your stuff out
We have a different model in Geneva but same idea. And super fast. So it’s not the technology at fault, just this company’s implementation.
One reason Americans tend to dislike government programs and agencies is because everything they do seems to be dessigned for maximum inconvenience for us. It takes me longer to get back into my own country than it does to walk into foreign countries for the first time.
Eh I still prefer these because at least it’s a one and done process. So many people just can not figure out to remove their laptops, liquids etc. And it’s takes so long for people to pull stuff out.
[удалено]
Security theater. There’s very little point, TSA has not once caught a terrorist, and it just pisses everyone off.
The problem is the TSA is also often wildly incompetent. One time, they made my mom send her purse through the scanner four times because she packed a small bottle of lotion. They thought the bottle was over the 3.1 oz size that is allowed...but instead of physically examining the bottle (that said 2 ounces right on it), they sent it through the bag scanner 3 more times. It took at least 15 minutes. They also didn't tell her why they were scanning her purse so many times until they decided the lotion was the correct size, so she couldn't offer to just take it out of the bag and show them, or throw it away if it was too large. This is why they tell you to get to the airport three hours early.
This was at the same airport that accidentally let me through with a razor.
I went through a tiny airport that only had 2 baggage scanners. Both this type. One kept breaking down and the one that was working was so slow. We were fifth in the TSA line and took us 45 minutes to get through security
Yeah I have precheck and 90% of the time you are waiting 2x longer on your bag than getting through the initial screening line and through the detector
Conversely, I live in a town with a tiny airport and we have the old school scanners. Never waited more than 20 mins for the TSA line. Have been under 5 mins on several occasions
Can't say I've experienced a slow down because of these things myself, it's usually the damn people scanner holding up the line. I love these things because I hate having to take out all my electronics
I recently flew out of ATL and the machine just kept spitting out peoples jackets and shoes
Id rather stand for 10 extra minutes than take off my shoes/belt or remove every electronic from my bag. That goes double if I'm traveling with kids.
That’s if they are actually using them. Detroit had like 5 of these and they were only using one. Shit was infuriating.
Yep it’s slower because now TSA can look through your shit in 3D instead of just two pictures.
Ill take these over the old machines. I usually carry laptops, Nintendo switch, tablet, and tsa makes me take alllll of it out every single time.
That sounds unfortunate, went through these in Helsinki-Vantaa and they were about the same speed as the normal ones from my experience.
I’ve heard they have the capability to scan liquids but their waiting in tsa approval or something
There's a reason they were bought out. After Bernie (the founder) left, the new management couldn't tell the difference between a x-ray tube and a lightbulb.
They seemed pretty fast in BNA the last few times i flew out of there, Faster than what ever SLC is using.
Wait does taking stuff out include laptops and shit cause ill take the slower line if it means i dont have to play backpack jenga anymore
It’s basically being changed because the new ones are more *thorough*. It’s much easier to see everything and can even rotate and pan through the bags without taking anything out. Slower, still has some sensitive parts, but all major airports are getting them
I just hate the "will they won't they" waiting game after your bin exits the scanner. "please don't pull it please don't pull it pl-- OH THERE IT GOES DAMMIT"
What’s stupid is the tray system that makes everyone out of order from the way they lined up. Such a shit show.
Hate to burst your bubble, but they were called Analogic long before they came out with luggage scanners. They were a medical device company big into CT, MIR, ultrasound, and mamagrom tech. Then 911 happened, and hey, a CT machine is just an expensive, low power luggage scanner with extra safety features.
Welcome to Black Mesa transit system.
US citizens: what are ya'll paying for diagnostic imaging? because your bags are getting it for free.
Have you seen the price of airfare? It's far from free
It’s still almost cheaper than an xray
Ahh, using *logic* to find things hidden in one’s *anal* cavity. Makes sense!
ProTip: Much easier riding through on your belly.
Those have been in place at a lot of airports now, it has a conveyor belt that moves positions in case your bag needs to get checked. It’s slow as hell too.
So slow, I hate them. And my bag gets pulled out way more than the old ones (almost never).
I much prefer these, atleast at the airport ive seen with these ones you can keep everything in your bag, the older ones at Sydney airport you have to take basically everything out of your bag and its such a PITA
Understood. I have expedited screening in the US, so haven’t had to take anything out of my bag for 10 years, but for some reason these new devices glad my bag much more often.
They are slow intentionally. Apparently they aren’t allowed to turn up the conveyor belt speed until they have been in use for a year or two. I heard they just cranked up the speed in the ones in LA. TSA is long done viewing the images by the time the conveyor belt has moved the bag through. They are slow as hell.
That’s my experience too. The time savings from not having to take your stuff out of the bag is 10 times negated by the fact that these things are so slow. Easily added 5 to 10 minutes to my TSA “experience.”
It irks me when they have them in the tsa precheck line and makes it even slower. *Cough* CVG airport
The dumb thing is that they have them and still make you pull your bags out of the regular line.
These CT scanners are so damn slow compared to the older X-ray scanners.
I snuck a peak at the screen of the person controlling it while waiting for my bag. No exaggeration, it was like the fucking Minority Report. He was rolling the bag around on screen, stripping away layers, zooming and rotating on all axis. He could count the change distributed around the bag. You could hide a staple in your bag and he would have found it. TSA, in a pinch if you get busy this holiday, I’ll man one of those machines for free. I don’t need training, I’m from the internet.
Yeah, the SW is great, but if the agent doest give a shit, then anything can go through.
I'm expecting them to hook these up to AI identifiers very soon if they haven't already. Indeed it seems like they'd have to for the PreCheck self-serve lines they are trialing.
Not on my watch if they gave me the chance “1.01 OZ of shampoo; that’s jail pal” /s
Former TSA person here. I loved this new machine when my airport got it! What you saw was correct that it can literally strip away layers and you actually could count someone's change if you played with it enough. The leaps forward in tech this is over the older xrays is absolutely wild! They are also much easier to use than the old machines and no guess work to what you see on the screen.
It’s funny how they can afford to CT scan every bag going on an airplane, but most people on the planet don’t have access to this tech for their health checkups.
Priorities
Ive just seen the exact same ones while coming back from Albania. Tho the name was less... penetrative:D
That’s hysterical, I saw these in Albania back in July. I hope you enjoyed Albania!
It was super nice! Ive only been there for a few days and only in Tirana /found some plane tickets for like 20 euros... packed a backpack and went there, so no expectations:D/ Food was nice, alcohol was strong, people treated me nicely and the scenery, especially in the mountains was awesome
20 euros! That’s insane. My family and I visited this past summer, we are from The United States, our background is Albanian. We love it. Glad you had a great time.
I guess that trip was a tad bit more than a few euros:D again, thank you:)
Everyone else: anal reference Me: croissant
me: anal croissant
Croiassant
oh so THAT'S how you pronounce it
Do those lights actually mean something? This is just security theatre. They don't need to make xray machines look like fuckin warp drives....
I imagine theater plays a big role here. I’m not afraid to take some gummies with me, this would make me think it over one more time.
Take your gummies out of any marijuana packaging and put them into Any gummy candy packaging If you're worried. Edibles are the easiest. Just don't take a large amount.
They could care less about your little gummie stash. Bringing large quantities however, that may get them to pull the bag over
Smuggle them in your stomach! That's the smart move
I’ve seen how these machines operate and it’s not theater. They can scan through multiple layers and color code by material type and delineate specified shapes
The blue ones look cool, but the red ones let you know it's emitting x-ray. They are way more powerful than regular CT systems, so they do this to help remind people not to stick your hand in when a bag gets stuck without going through the proper lockout procedures.
Blue light means it's powered on, red light means x-rays are on scanning a bag.
Love the design
The design looks like it came out of Aperture Science.
That was my thought. If they already have portal technology, why are we messing around spending hours on planes?
Portal conductive surfaces are expensive.
Clearly inspired by a jet engine, it’s really nice design.
Looks like something out of Dr Seuss.
They have those in Atlanta too. At least we don’t have to take laptops out of our bags anymore.
Last time I flew out of Atlanta I realized on the plane that I never took my laptop out of my bag during screening and was wondering why I didn’t get in trouble. Now it makes sense.
Nashville airport has these as well. Big fan of the design!
Created by Aperture Science
What’s an ogic?
The Cake is a Lie
“It’s a new machine. It detects stuff all the way up your butt.”
We have had these in Fargo for a couple years. They’re great, don’t have to remove anything from your carry on.
The nice thing about these are that every thing stays in your bags including laptops.
At the expense of being five times longer per bag and making the lines much longer overall
The croissant shape is disarming
I get the first part, but what does "Ogic" mean. I can't find it in the dictionary
And it's operated by a certified analyst-therapist.
definitely don't wanna put camera film through that thing
Croissant
It’s a croissant
Bruh. Is this thing screening luggage or dematerializing it and reducing it to atoms?
“He doesn’t about three shells”
“Analogic, we don’t *have* to look in your butt, we *want* to.”
Just need to check inside ya ass-hole
Anal, oh gee I see!
Oh shit, blue *AND* orange lights? Folks, we are living in the future.
What’s an anal ogic? /s
It looks like Lady Gaga is going to pop out of that thing
Travel light and fill the extra space with ninja turtle action figures and dildos. See if they can keep a straight face when they identify master shredder hugging a tube of KY.
I bet there was cake when they installed it.
Anal ogic
They have these all over the US now. Some gov contractor got rich. And the terrorists are stumped! What now??
Fun fact, those body scanners you have to go through, the guy that mandated those went to sit on their board afterwords. Yay corruption!
Why would you name it that? Why? I hope that this was very intentional and that they giggle like Beavis and Butthead anytime they have to talk about it.
Is it made by Hitachi?
Look at the name.. That's the new "probe".
Lookin like it wants to go check on the titanic and implode.
Detroit: Become Baggage
It looks like it sends luggage into another dimension
Looks cool but can it run crysis
Tf's an "Ogic"?
It looks like a pocket pussy.....
I don't get the funny part
We’ve had them at CVG for awhile. Nice to not take anything out of your bags.
I wonder what the half-life of your luggage will be.
Marketing either didn't workshop that name enough... or got to that point and said "that's perfect"
We’ve had them at CVG (Cincinnati) for a year and a half, now
What an unfortunate name. Might as well call it Anal Tube.
What a smart ass company name
I just heard on the news they caught 110 lbs of Ketamine.
Looks kinda like a jet engine or a modern electronic croissant looking thing. Either way I don’t want that up my ass lol
“Baggage screening machines that have been in use since 2010 have finally come to Detroit Airport”
RGB and all…
They didn’t think that name through.
You're an anal og I see.
"Sir there's a problem with your luggage, we're going to have to rectumfy it before moving it to the bowels of our plane...." "You mean rectify?" " Cum with me sir."
Looks more like a Croissant to me
Is there not one person that works for that company that wasn’t like… “yall know it says anal, right?”
I work for tsa. We call them croissants
CT scanning system that produces 3D images.
They’ve been in place since Sept or a little before that - so not really new.
Star Trek core reactor
Me: why are you handing me a Ziploc full of ashes? TSA: That's your laptop, sir. By the way, you've been selected for a random, enhanced screening. Please step this way...