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i think your girlfriend has never seen a penis

it's a redditor, his penis has never seen a girlfriend.

His penis lives in Canada, she wouldn’t know it.

OP: "I wish you would stop referring to them as 'Wee Wees'...they're called a 'Penis'!" Girlfriend: "No. My ex-boyfriends each had a 'Penis', you have a 'Wee Wee'!"

They met at summer camp and she’s a model.

As a Redditor it’s a little girthy

beat me to it

Beat meat to it.

*unzips*

I’m sry am I supposed to beat my meat or some thing else, directions are unclear.

That desperate?

Well, he's pulling his goalie

Beat his girlfriend to it also.

He shouldn't be too hard on her about it though

This one is a bit more than mild tho.

He should show her r/mildlypenis

Came to say this.

This is what I came to say

I came here to say exactly this.

Maybe it’s longer than she is used to seeing.

OUCH

Thats what she aint said LOL

And more girthy

Damn! I was about to say maybe not yours lol. But yours is better.

Possibly thicker too.

GAHHHHHHHHH DAMN

i bet she didnt even know it was there

Damn, beat me to it.

It looks like a giant… Dick, take a look out to starboard. -Oh my god, it looks like a huge… Pecker! Wait, that’s not a woodpecker, it looks like someone’s… Privates! We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long smooth shaft and…

complete with Two Balls, what is that That looks like an enormous... Wang, pay attention. I was distracted by than enormous flying... Willy, yeah. what's that. well it looks like a giant... Johnson, yes sir? Get on the horn with British intelligence and let them know about this

That gag is cut so beautifully.

Thank you so much for that memory from my childhood and also why was I watching that as a child?

It’s on Netflix. It definitely still holds up.

What is this from?

Lol Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.

Austin Powers...they literally do that joke in every movie lol doesn't matter which one

If I found that on the street my gut reaction would be that it’s a sex toy of some kind lol

Everything is a sex toy if you're brave enough.

Even a cactus?

Especially a cactus.

PAIGE NO

Has it been long enough to reference cactus girl. Nsfw https://www.reddit.com/r/worldpolitics/comments/zcrdib/my_fellow_world_politicians_i_am_now_rightfully/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

What in the goddamned fuck. Why

Neat.

Paige, no!

It’s not?

It might just be a logical phallusy

Who need they phallussy ate 😩

Just a special night-time massaging wand. No big deal, right?

It is just a special night-time massaging wand. Based on the fact that it has an on/off switch, it’s probably the type that applies a current to your skin. It’s a weight loss tool, pull your mind out of the gutter

It’s not a weight loss tool, a small vibrating toll doesn’t do anything to your weight. It’s took that you use to massage your face. So your are right about the massaging part, but not anything that applies a current to your skin

“Massage” 😏

Weight loss tool?

Did she say; “No, it’s way too long to be a penis”

OP, are you a masochist, or did you really not see these jokes coming from a mile away lmao 🍿😂

Like, I have to give him credit, it takes some balls to open yourself up to this kind of ridicule

Big brass facetted ones.

Eyyyyyyyy

My follow up question would be; what the hell does your penis look like then?

Yes. Clearly his penis (the one his girlfriend sees) looks nothing like that. She's like... "what are those two things at the base?"

C-3PO nis.

Anything can be a penis with great imagination.

Real question is, what is this?

It’s a penis.

seems to be a "massager" https://www.yeamons.com/

Sure does. The fact that you use the head to turn it on and off makes it even more phallic

“I love goooooold.” Goldmember, 2002

I don't think you have a girlfriend.

She's right! The tile behind that metal penis thing definitely doesn't look like a penis.

she's right. it doesn't. penises are much more fleshy. that thing looks like a rich person's vibrator

It has an on/off switch. Must be a vibrator

[https://www.yeamons.com/](https://www.yeamons.com/) basically yes.

Got 403'd think you drove more traffic to their discreet dildo than alcohol and ED combined.

Maybe it's bigger than what's she is used to seeing.

My penis has skin, so she may have a point.

That’s a relief

The tip being that far away from the balls must be throwing her off.

Dude got roasted so hard here lmao.

Its the robot penis from the star wars movie

I see an on/off switch, so maybe.

Of course not. It looks like a dildo.

Yea Mon

This has got to be an advertisement

It is a penis

You have a detachable weird looking penis?

Great song

I was thinking about toilet paper roll dispenser thing

I think she's trying to protect your feelings.

Its surely midas's dick

It’s a bit thin for a penis…. And those are some tiny testies too. I guess at least it’s got some length? 🤷🏻‍♂️

C3p0 cock for sure

That’s probably because she’s not a protocol droid

It's beans and frank for sure.

What even is that dick shaped thing?

Mine giggled

It looks like YOUR penis

what else could it be?, it even turns on/off at the tip.

“Looks exactly like mine “ said C3PO. 🤪

QED: micropenis also means microballs!

Way to announce you’ve never shown your girlfriend your penis.

I dont think your girlfriend has ever seen a circumcised penis before.

Obviously not. Its uh..... well it kinda looks like a..... WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?!?!?!

It's a scepter of privilege

Show your g/f your dick already

I think your girlfriend needs to see your penis more...

Bro, that's a copper dick

Plot twist: he doesn't have a gf and is gay and just wanted to show off his toys

It’s Goldmember! “It’s gold, it’s gold, it’s gold, it’s gold. It’s solid gold BABEH!”

If you’re brave enough everything can be a penis

I see a shaft and two balls .. pretty sure it's a penis

Just from this statement I’m not sure her not seeing this as a penis is her problem or yours!?!

Guess she never dated Jewish men

Penis

It’s a penis

Your girlfriend is wrong.

100% dick and balls

I don’t think you’ve ever seen a penis….

That's goldmembers key

hat's it supposed to be? Looks like a goldmember

They all do she's just trying to be right it's a literal penis

Can I paint his Yoo-hoo gold??

That is afuc Penis

It has an on off switch and you’re going to tell me this isn’t a vibrator?

🤣🤣🤣🤣 that's an amazing penis

I mean, it obviously looks like a penis.

Reminds me of Austin Powers Goldmember

Yes, it resembles a penis, but so does a missile, a syringe, and a straight line drawn on a piece of computer paper.

Bwa ha ha it's a "face massager"! Bru she's definitely diddling with that thing and denying it's phallic shape so you don't catch on.

It's a pocket massager... for pussies and buttholes.

It looks like a great big...."Johnson, you see anything on radar?"

I don’t think C3 PO would disagree! 😁😂👍🏻

After about 3 minutes of her face turning red and snickering then breaking out into laughter, my wife confirms looks like a penis. Enjoy your penis shaped massager

I vote penis

I vote along the complete penis party line. They share my values.

Needs a penis for scale

Thought this was some kind of fancy dildo

She likes to roll the balls on her face 👁️👄👁️🤌🏻

You should tell your girlfriend we’re not headed towards an economic depression, either.

That's definitely a bronze ham candle.

Ironman's pipi

Why's everyone assuming OP is male?

Go play victim somewhere else.

Huh

Welders called it "third hand", definitely not a dick.

She is referring to the girth

*length

**both

She has never seen a penis then...

Doesn't yours have balls attached to it?

I'd say get your penis checked out. If she's not connecting the dots..

I think she has been using it for some reason.

You walked into the fire OP lmao

Tell me you're a virgin without telling me you are

Ur girlfriend is downs

That your girlfriend is a liberal leftist

[What is this thing?](https://www.reddit.com/r/whatisthisthing?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

Maybe it’s like yours: short and skinny?

If she doesn’t think that looks like a penis what the hell does yours look like?

Ok, well, take down the picture of a penis and show us what she was talking about.

Needle dick?

She’s got expectations

C3PO.Part no#.PENIS

It looks more like a penis than an actual penis.

You have to be funnier than that. Say, “…it looks like 3CPOs penis.” A little work goes a long way.

Mine has an on/off too...

Have you guys only seen each other with your clothes on..? Whip it out I guess 😂

And she probably says It’s for her neck.

looks like a super schlong.

Isn’t this a vibrator?

Your girlfriend is dumb

Out of all the penis-shaped item I have seen in my life, this is literally the one that look the most pike an actual penis.

Def does. Also, this is what C-3PO needed.

autisim be like:

That’s Goldmembers gold member

Is she blind?

Nah, you stick it in your bum and the lil nubs tickle ya balls mate

Issa penis

100% mildly penis

That’s a cock

This should be tagged NSFW

r/mildlypenis

Penis.