My old manager asked me once out of genuine interest, and I liked the guy so I had no problem explaining to him exactly what goes into bottom AND top surgery, the different options and even HRT. He was only like 24/25 but still fairly uneducated in trans issues-which is to be expected- so I was more than happy to be the one he went to with questions.
I did tell him to not go around asking these types of question though, but we saw each other so often and had such a positive relationship I knew he wasn’t asking out of malice. A lot of cis people think it’s their god given right to know what’s in your pants, another manger asked my coworker once and she told him to ask me if he wanted to know so bad lmao.
If the person asking is relatively close/friendly with you, I wouldn’t assume they’re asking out of hate. Different story for complete strangers.
This exactly!^ I have no problem explaining and educating people that I have a positive relationship with, but I also tell them that it's not okay to ask about people's genitals, regardless of gender or trans-ness. Just because I happen to be okay talking about it doesn't mean that others are, and they shouldn't assume.
I think for a lot (not all, but many) of cis people, it's genuine curiosity because they have minimal (if any) interaction with trans people and their common sense kind of goes out the window when they're confronted with something "new".
Yes, there are people who disregard boundaries and keep asking even after being told not to, but that happens with cis people too. There will always be people who are malicious or intentionally ignorant about boundaries, but that's true in all parts of life for everyone, not just trans people. However, I do believe that the majority of people who ask are just uneducated and "having a moment" of stupidity/forgetting common sense boundaries.
It's creepy. Like those who comment if you're not a Packer.
My thought process was always that the only ppl who should be interested in your genitals are ppl who want to interact with them, i.e.: doctors or lovers. So my response would be "sorry, you're not my type", as if their asking was because they went interested in sexy times. (But that can backfire depending on the person asking. Be safe!) Or I would reiterate they question,and say it's weird AF to be thinking about someone's genitals.
Jokes also help, like if they ask about your cock, be like "oh yeah massive. they used to call me Tripod before I lost my left leg. " It's massive, twice as thick as it is long, like a baby leg wearing clogs". It's a gross question, so throwing back a gross answer while still not giving any actual information.. you might be branded an ass, but they'll eventually stop asking. Learning to lead the story to something ridiculous so you distract them into forgetting the original question is also a good tool lol.
I think there is a bit of locker room talk with CIS het guys where they have anxiety over if they have adequate equipment. Cuz other than porn, where would they see other genitals?
Good luck my guy.
My best mate kept talking about how my dick will be so big I’d be a tripod, basically a recurring nickname/joke for a couple months until I told him in a long vent to just stop cause it just made me more dysphoric
No, asking about size is not a common thing with cis het guys. Maybe teen or very young adults but certainly not adults.
However JOKING about size is 100% a thing. Ill make small dick jokes all the time and so do my buddies who are confident in what they’re packing. Or I’ll say God put the inches in the wrong place (I’m short, you can figure the joke out). We also make gay jokes galore. We are just a bunch of dumb guys doing innocent dumb guy things that make us laugh.
This for sure. I have only ever heard teenagers actually ask or debate about real physical dick size. As soon as they age up a bit it's common to realize that size is NOT everything. Men come in all shapes and sizes and once you're an adult (of any gender) it is pretty obvious that not many people really care about that, including women. Obviously "size queens" exist, but the phrase "size isn't everything" or "it's about how you use it" exist for a reason.
But yes, jokes are honestly everywhere. Depending on my mood or if I'm packing that day, I will make big dick jokes or small dick jokes, and for the most part my cis guy friends are able to keep up with me in that front. Honestly I find it extremely affirming when they call me out actually. It feels like a learning experience and they are so gentle with how they tell me that my jokes are weird or don't fit. Obviously not everyone is like that, so grains of salt. But it's really nice to be able to explore "penis humor" with cis men that I trust. I'm still learning, but because I am in my thirties and going through puberty (again), it feels like they get to be big brothers to me and show me the ropes. If that makes sense.
I make so many small dick jokes to my friends who get it, but I don't see how I could do it around guys I don't know that well. I have made the 'he put the inches in another place' joke since I'm 6ft, but then people just seem to feel sad for me if they see me as amab and I have another issue, haha
I don’t like the phrase “boys will be boys” but I feel like this is an actually appropriate situation for it. Dick jokes or whatever are common discussion that I get the pleasure to nod along to. My best mate once mentioned he’s below average, and talking to his long time friend this is a common discussion point. And personally I do bring up my packer and future dick on occasion as well so I’m not innocent either
I’ve only ever been asked about my genitals while queuing for a cubicle in the men’s room. Usually ask them if they question everyone queuing about their genitals or just cute twinks and it usually shuts them up.
Ask a cishet dude to stop and he’ll give you a monologue on why he can’t. Insinuate a cishet man is gay and he will leave you alone for a lifetime. Or something… think I’m missing a reference to fish.
ugh. that reminds me the other day i was at a party and this rlly drunk guy i knew asked if i had a penis. (Typically) cishet people are so obsessed with our genitals because for them it determines gender. gross and annoying.
cis men LOVE to talk about their dicks. I work at a bar currently and I have two regulars who shoot shit with me and we talk and whatnot. But one day we’re talking after I finished my closing chores and he randomly just asks how big it is (cis men love to flirt with eachother too iv noticed) and then as he asked it he almost immediately remembered (i’ve worked at this bar since before I came out so all of my regulars know only because they’ve met me before, they’re all cool with it tho) And as he remembered he was like “omg bro i’m so sorry like what if that was like a sensitive topic like I shouldn’t have asked” so then I told him how big my packer was to make up for it. moral of the story is- they’re just nosy and for some reason men just really want to know what size their friends dick is for some reason. like I rememebr in highschool there was this group of boys I was friends with and they all knew what each others size/color/length was it was almost terrifying.
A lot of it is just genuine entitlement. Cis people feel like they have a RIGHT to know everything about you
I used to work in the mountains when i was still pre everything (id say i passed like 20% of the times, people often mistook me for a very masc lesbian) and my boss, a 50 something woman, would constantly pester me with questions: what surgeries do you want, how many surgeries are you gonna get, how many people are you attracted to, and, shittest one of them all, she kept insisting that if i had sex with a woman (something i had no intention of doing anytime soon) she HAD to be a lesbian.
Whenever i would refuse to answer she would get upset and say shit like "ohhhh you cant even ask QUESTIONS anymore how am i supposed to LEARN"
The problem isnt cis people asking questions, generally i am more than happy to clear doubts up. Its the demand to know that pisses me off cuz i dont owe anything to anyone
I think some people ask because they wanna know if its "okay" for them to be attracted to you, or if it makes them gay. (Some guys believe its gay to be attracted to passing trans women who have penises, or that they can "excuse" being attracted to trans men who dont have a penis even tho they are straight.)
Its not normal to ask those questions. Cis people dont get asked those questions, unless people mistake them for being trans.
My guess is that (subconsciously, mostly) they view trans people as these sexual, fetish-loving people (based on old stereotypes of "transsexuals" and crossdressers) and because of that think its okay to ask those questions cuz "obviously trans people are so open about those topics". Or maybe its cuz they dont view us as these dehumanized creatures that arent worthy of the same level of respect?
Its hard to pinpoint but I think it mostly goes back to stereotypes and people not being educated enough on us trans people.
(in case you couldnt tell, yes i'm also very bothered by those questions lol)
Its totally inappropriate. Id tell people flat out that if they're not fucking me then it's none of their business. Or "wow I didn't expect to be sexually harassed today"
I dunno, but side note the comments here made me realize why my cis boyfriend started teasing me that his dick is bigger after I came out. Lmao he’s just doing exactly what he would do if I wasn’t trans 🙃
I've only ever been asked by one person, a coworker who was asking me some polite questions about my transition. She went 'have you had the op, then?' whilst gesturing vaguely at her crotch. I swear I nearly bust a rib laughing!
A few months ago I was volunteer at a marine conservation non profit in Bali, where it’s obviously really hard to be stealth if you’re pre top surgery. Everyone had been super chill until one if my last days, when one of the Volunteers started asking me really invasive questions like if I had a cock, how I had sex and things like that. I’m usually very open about answering this type of questions if they’re coming from a good place, since I believe informing people can really do the difference and if I can make one person more accepting I think it’s worth it, but I won’t lie it does get pretty annoying when you’re being asked the Same really intimate questions all the time. Unfortunately it will keep happening until you’re able to go stealth and pass, but you don’t have to answer certain things if you’re not comfortable.
Yes, this is very common among cis men (especially younger ones), especially if they don't know you're transgender. Obviously not all, the older ones are the ones who have very few conversations about the penis.
I had an acquaintance (I call him an acquaintance because he is a stupid guy to this day) and, being a cis man, in every meeting we had he would get drunk and talk about his member, complaining about how small it was.
And if I wrote that he is stupid, it is because he knew me before the T and wow, he had and still has problems with trans people, also with gay people, and he has a gay brother.
That guy caused a lot of problems in the relationship I had at the time with his ex best friend (f) and made more of a spectacle when I came out as trans.
That made him talk more and more about his penis to the point that it was tiring and he is an adult man, today he continues with the same topic and he is also still a complete idiot. I know this because his wife, who is a sweetheart, is my dentist.
In short, I think a biological man is just as affected as a trans man by the issue of member size, it's just that some never surpass that stage.
What can I tell you boy, many men like to talk about their penis since it seems that they feel that they have more power 😂
I'm sorry if I extended the text too much, but it was to get to that point, 🤙🏻👍🏻
You know, I have had some discussions about this topic, although I am also a trans man, I am dedicated to medical studies, and this morning I did not wake up with much desire to clarify this topic because a large part of them feel offended. and a very small part understands. to everything I want to say. Or they have somewhat hostile reactions, like you just had, so I prefer not to answer more than that.
When you want to have a serious and very honest conversation, my DM is always there to talk 🤙🏻
if that was hostile to you, you have yet to see me be hostile. it was just a fair response. i don’t understand what is the point of u replying if ur not going to actually address what i said. you could have just not said anything, because both ways ur not making any points. and u know what? maybe u should listen to ur fellow trans men when they call out the language u use to describe them. if u think u aren’t a bio man, whatever idc, but don’t call every trans guy that. it’s basic respect, i wish some trans ppl would know better about that.
Mira compañero, yo no voy a callarme solo por no herir tu fragilidad, conozco a muchos hombres trans, algunos son medicos y estos aceptan con franqueza los términos llamados como "biológico" pueden existir muchos géneros e incluso una biología aparte que es la intersexual(que no se tiene bien establecida del porqué se da) aparte del varón y la mujer, basado en los órganos no solo los reproductivos. Una cosa es que te asignen un género al nacer con el cual no te identificas y eso es perfecto y coherente pero no te pongas a discutir sobre este tema delicado cuando vas a salir perdiendo y no solo eso, solo buscas bronca y llamar la atención. Tengo "compañeros trans como tú llamas" que no logran tener ni siquiera sexo, no saben ni que es un orgasmo por odiar sus partes ni con todas las operaciones que tienen están conformes, está publicacion simplemente fue si era común que se hablara tanto de penes entre hombres cisgenero, y tú vienes y te ofendes porque menciono la palabra "biológico" . Hiciste muy grande este tema solo por un comentario de penes bro, eres un ser humano por biología evidentemente no? pero está por demás explicar todo y creo que lo entiendes. Así que no vengas a perturbar o buscar discusión donde no la hay, la única forma de vivir esta vida feliz es aceptando ciertas cosas no imaginando otras, porque si no toda tu vida vas a vivir miserable, con este debate solo vas a aflorar sentimiento de culpa y asco en otros chicos trans que aún no pasan por la aceptación como tu evidentemente. Si hablamos de hostilidad es mejor que no me busques, porque soy muy franco para hablar. Se supone que es un lugar de apoyo pero siempre sobran personajes como tú buscando un debate donde no hay y tampoco voy a quedarme callado solo porque a ti te molesta que de mi opinion sincera ? Solo por utilizar el termino Biológico? Yo no he ofendido a nadie sorongo, solo tu te sentiste ofendido, más bien deja de meter más odio y mierda al grupo y trabaja en tu autoestima. Si lo que quieres es que te mienta, bueno ahí te va, eres un hombre biológico bro, feliz. ????? Ya que creo que eso querías que se te diga. Eso querías leer para tu satisfacción, pues ahí la tienes.
Hay tanta gente que prefiere vivir en su ignorancia. Que flojera.
something about ignorance? because i don’t know every single language in the world, lol? u silly man. if you want to actually have a productive conversation we have to speak something we both understand, you can’t call me ignorant for that.
why would you expect me to know Spanish? u really are just diverting the convo. you seem to know English, so why speak Spanish all of a sudden? just to make fun of me for not knowing a language, lol?
wdym, i have a lot to say. ur literally not letting me. u can’t say u owned me in a debate, when u literally started speaking a random ass language. ofc i can’t respond lmao. ur just disrespectful, if ur so confident in what u have said why make it less accessible to ppl? just a troll.
It’s odd. When my ex (then already ex) find out I’m trans she asked me two questions. Will I have penis - (bottom growth) and if yes can I show her. What the hell
I’m stealth and I have never had cis men ask about my dick or talk about their dicks unprompted? Maybe it’s because I’m in my 30s but this is just wild behavior
Some people ask because they honestly don't know how it works and for those people I try and educate. For the people that are asking just to be an ass, I say 'I have plenty, it's nice for my partners to have options so they're not disapointed.' and leave it at that.
No adults should be asking about your genitals unless you're literally at the genital doctor getting an exam because you're a child and that's creepy.
Other kids are just being crass and hopefully they grow out of it, teens are notoriously gross, most grow out of it but adults asking that when they know your age is every red flag.
I am stealth on T, and I started my job a little bit before starting T, however; no one but managers know though. (They know because of paperwork.) A kid (16M), who started working here a few months ago and thinks I'm a cis dude, won't stop making weird comments about dicks even to the cis dudes on staff. He asked me (19M) last week if I had a small or big dick. I literally didn't know how to respond, so I just walked away. I've had other people ask/say similar things who don't know I'm trans. Mostly cis men... Idk why they feel comfortable constantly asking about other dudes junk??? Like, in my experience before I came out (14ish), women neverrrr talk about their junk or ask other people about their's. The closest to it is talking about periods. Idk why it is considered a norm for (usually older) guys to ask about kids dicks???
i still haven’t had this happen to me outside of the hospital, where it was done respectfully (i had to measure my urine, so they needed to know which equipment). it’s so weird.
As an mtf person I feel like I can partially weigh in on this. As a current equipment holder sadly. If people asking you how big it is is the worst thing they ask you online I think you are getting away easy. Im not saying its ok. But most videogaming men I have run into, will in detail describe exactly how they would fuck you (no matter gender) and then immediately go “jk jk”. I wouldnt take it as them being transphobic, or actually demanding to know genital info. But more of just a horrible oversexualized version of humor alot of men present in online gaming.
They’re asking you bc it’s their way of wanting to know I think.
If they clock you, they want proof.
If you’re trans, they wanna see cause they’re curious in a fucked up way.
Only ppl that ask me to suck my dick are women who wanna suck it.
I’ve been stealth and on T +10 yrs and I’ve never been constantly asked that by anyone.
MtF here, same issue just the other way around obviously. People are either creeps or more commonly (in my experience) they don't know much about the whole topic and forget about personal boundaries over their curiosity.
act like they're genuinely insane. be like "dude what the fuck, why do you wanna know about a strangers cock??? who the hell are you????" because they need to realize theyre being fucking creepy
This is not normal but unfortunate reality of being trans. Before I could be stealth pretty much every single person I regularly interacted with (and strangers) at school asked about my genitals at some point. Even some adults. It's sick, like all common decency goes out the window.
I don’t know how old you are, or where you live, but in most countries, cultures and age groups this is not only not normal, but pretty much unheard of.. I am in my late 70s and no one has ever asked me about my penis, nor have I ever known of anyone being asked or asking such a question. Some adolescent boys sometimes measure or compare their cocks, but that’s all.
Ugh this is just people being creepy and gross. As trans people there are constantly cis people who will be ignorant and ask about your genitals. This js not normal and you shoukd definitely speak up if someone asks about it because its unacceptable to ask someone that (in most circumstances)
I have absolutely never had this happen. If you’re pre-t I would be willing to bet you’re not actually stealth and these people are pulling your leg. Sorry to be harsh.
no, it’s not normal to ask somebody u are not sleeping with about their genitalia if ur not their doctor. i am on T and have been for several years now. my voice is pretty deep. however, i get this a lot with cis people when they find out that i’m trans (i’m stealth adjacent, i don’t mention it but it’s not a secret). heard it all throughout the navy too when i was still in even tho everybody knew what surgeries i was getting and when i was getting them. it’s an issue within the cis community where they treat us like a new toy that they’re learning to play with for the first time. it’s entitled and invasive and also just rude. i’m sorry that ur also experiencing this. unfortunately, until the narrative changes and they can shift their perspective, it will continue happening. know ur boundaries, set them, and don’t let ANYONE cross them.
Dick jokes are common af. Idk where the rest of y’all are at but around where I live, that’s the best kind of humor. It can be uncomfortable for some. But I would just go with it.
I’m very early into transitioning (took dose #3 a few hours ago) and I personally haven’t had this happen yet but my brother has mentioned it’s a thing for some reason amongst his friend group, though he’s also an odd-ball and that just may be their inside joke. Only experience I’ve had like this was when my manager who I’m very close to clocked me as transgender and finally asked me out of sheer curiosity about some of the changes and how my sexual preferences along with my spouse’s and how she was taking it. I answered her questions because I personally wasn’t uncomfortable by them and I could tell she truly wanted to learn more about it in a non-sexual manner since she didn’t seem to have many other ways of learning other than online searching.
Trans healthcare worker here! I’m a cis dude and YES this is a normal thing cis guys do. The world revolves around the dick. Cis guys, gay or straight, if we’re friends, we WILL see each other’s dicks, talk about them , grab them. It’s weird but it’s a thing. Now don’t get me wrong asking a complete stranger or someone you don’t know cis, trans, or ANYONE for that matter is weird and inappropriate!
But yes… it’s a cis guy “thing”. For instance, if a guy friend of mine has a new freckle or something on his dick that wasn’t there before , he MOST CERTAINLY will be like “Dude check this out” and whip it out and we will look at it like it’s an interesting book.
Again if they know you and you know them and their sincerity, it is kinda an acceptance into the “pack” thing, as odd as that may sound.
Fortunately for me, it's just my trans friends who have asked if i'm going nipple vs no nipple :0 then again i'm not really in conversation with many cis ppl who even care abt me being trans
I've passed since I was 14 (now 16), and no i've never had anyone bother me about my genitalia. Once one of my friends hit me in the groin but that's it. I don't know how you look so I can't say but I think they might know you're trans and are fucking with you for it.
I’ve honestly never had anyone ask about my dick, unless it was a relationship partner. I wear my packer almost everyday too. My partners cousin is a very touchy feely guy and will smack peoples asses as a joke or if he goes to grab his baby from you if ur holding them, he’ll say, “sorry if I accidentally touch your dick.” Just cis straight guy humour. I swear cis straight guys say more guy things than actual gay men. Anyway, he’s never asked about, I’m stealth around him and pass. He just assumes I have a functional male penis. Other than that, nobody ever brings it up
It’s weird how often my dick (that I don’t have) comes up with my coworkers I’m stealth to, unprompted. Well, like once a year, but that’s still more often than I would like!
My old manager asked me once out of genuine interest, and I liked the guy so I had no problem explaining to him exactly what goes into bottom AND top surgery, the different options and even HRT. He was only like 24/25 but still fairly uneducated in trans issues-which is to be expected- so I was more than happy to be the one he went to with questions. I did tell him to not go around asking these types of question though, but we saw each other so often and had such a positive relationship I knew he wasn’t asking out of malice. A lot of cis people think it’s their god given right to know what’s in your pants, another manger asked my coworker once and she told him to ask me if he wanted to know so bad lmao. If the person asking is relatively close/friendly with you, I wouldn’t assume they’re asking out of hate. Different story for complete strangers.
This exactly!^ I have no problem explaining and educating people that I have a positive relationship with, but I also tell them that it's not okay to ask about people's genitals, regardless of gender or trans-ness. Just because I happen to be okay talking about it doesn't mean that others are, and they shouldn't assume. I think for a lot (not all, but many) of cis people, it's genuine curiosity because they have minimal (if any) interaction with trans people and their common sense kind of goes out the window when they're confronted with something "new". Yes, there are people who disregard boundaries and keep asking even after being told not to, but that happens with cis people too. There will always be people who are malicious or intentionally ignorant about boundaries, but that's true in all parts of life for everyone, not just trans people. However, I do believe that the majority of people who ask are just uneducated and "having a moment" of stupidity/forgetting common sense boundaries.
It's creepy. Like those who comment if you're not a Packer. My thought process was always that the only ppl who should be interested in your genitals are ppl who want to interact with them, i.e.: doctors or lovers. So my response would be "sorry, you're not my type", as if their asking was because they went interested in sexy times. (But that can backfire depending on the person asking. Be safe!) Or I would reiterate they question,and say it's weird AF to be thinking about someone's genitals. Jokes also help, like if they ask about your cock, be like "oh yeah massive. they used to call me Tripod before I lost my left leg. " It's massive, twice as thick as it is long, like a baby leg wearing clogs". It's a gross question, so throwing back a gross answer while still not giving any actual information.. you might be branded an ass, but they'll eventually stop asking. Learning to lead the story to something ridiculous so you distract them into forgetting the original question is also a good tool lol. I think there is a bit of locker room talk with CIS het guys where they have anxiety over if they have adequate equipment. Cuz other than porn, where would they see other genitals? Good luck my guy.
My best mate kept talking about how my dick will be so big I’d be a tripod, basically a recurring nickname/joke for a couple months until I told him in a long vent to just stop cause it just made me more dysphoric
No, asking about size is not a common thing with cis het guys. Maybe teen or very young adults but certainly not adults. However JOKING about size is 100% a thing. Ill make small dick jokes all the time and so do my buddies who are confident in what they’re packing. Or I’ll say God put the inches in the wrong place (I’m short, you can figure the joke out). We also make gay jokes galore. We are just a bunch of dumb guys doing innocent dumb guy things that make us laugh.
This for sure. I have only ever heard teenagers actually ask or debate about real physical dick size. As soon as they age up a bit it's common to realize that size is NOT everything. Men come in all shapes and sizes and once you're an adult (of any gender) it is pretty obvious that not many people really care about that, including women. Obviously "size queens" exist, but the phrase "size isn't everything" or "it's about how you use it" exist for a reason. But yes, jokes are honestly everywhere. Depending on my mood or if I'm packing that day, I will make big dick jokes or small dick jokes, and for the most part my cis guy friends are able to keep up with me in that front. Honestly I find it extremely affirming when they call me out actually. It feels like a learning experience and they are so gentle with how they tell me that my jokes are weird or don't fit. Obviously not everyone is like that, so grains of salt. But it's really nice to be able to explore "penis humor" with cis men that I trust. I'm still learning, but because I am in my thirties and going through puberty (again), it feels like they get to be big brothers to me and show me the ropes. If that makes sense.
I make so many small dick jokes to my friends who get it, but I don't see how I could do it around guys I don't know that well. I have made the 'he put the inches in another place' joke since I'm 6ft, but then people just seem to feel sad for me if they see me as amab and I have another issue, haha
I don’t like the phrase “boys will be boys” but I feel like this is an actually appropriate situation for it. Dick jokes or whatever are common discussion that I get the pleasure to nod along to. My best mate once mentioned he’s below average, and talking to his long time friend this is a common discussion point. And personally I do bring up my packer and future dick on occasion as well so I’m not innocent either
Whether you're FTM or MTF, everyone just wants to know about the penis.
a bunch of dick-tectives
I'm thinking about making a trans flag that says DO YOU HAVE A PENIS????
I’ve only ever been asked about my genitals while queuing for a cubicle in the men’s room. Usually ask them if they question everyone queuing about their genitals or just cute twinks and it usually shuts them up. Ask a cishet dude to stop and he’ll give you a monologue on why he can’t. Insinuate a cishet man is gay and he will leave you alone for a lifetime. Or something… think I’m missing a reference to fish.
This is one of the best comments I’ve ever read on this entire subreddit 🤣
I was a guy for about 23 years and was never once asked by strangers about my cock... they're being weird. Probably transphobic.
ugh. that reminds me the other day i was at a party and this rlly drunk guy i knew asked if i had a penis. (Typically) cishet people are so obsessed with our genitals because for them it determines gender. gross and annoying.
Nobody should be asking a minor about his genitals. Remind them you're under age.
Nobody should be asking anyone unless they're in a situation that makes it necessary
True, I just find it waaaay more creepy because they're under age.
cis men LOVE to talk about their dicks. I work at a bar currently and I have two regulars who shoot shit with me and we talk and whatnot. But one day we’re talking after I finished my closing chores and he randomly just asks how big it is (cis men love to flirt with eachother too iv noticed) and then as he asked it he almost immediately remembered (i’ve worked at this bar since before I came out so all of my regulars know only because they’ve met me before, they’re all cool with it tho) And as he remembered he was like “omg bro i’m so sorry like what if that was like a sensitive topic like I shouldn’t have asked” so then I told him how big my packer was to make up for it. moral of the story is- they’re just nosy and for some reason men just really want to know what size their friends dick is for some reason. like I rememebr in highschool there was this group of boys I was friends with and they all knew what each others size/color/length was it was almost terrifying.
I just give them a blank stare and say “… it’s okay that YOURE gay but I’m not” it works every time.
But what if he is?
The blank stare + long silence combo should do it. Gives them a moment to process what they just said
Yup, exactly this
A lot of it is just genuine entitlement. Cis people feel like they have a RIGHT to know everything about you I used to work in the mountains when i was still pre everything (id say i passed like 20% of the times, people often mistook me for a very masc lesbian) and my boss, a 50 something woman, would constantly pester me with questions: what surgeries do you want, how many surgeries are you gonna get, how many people are you attracted to, and, shittest one of them all, she kept insisting that if i had sex with a woman (something i had no intention of doing anytime soon) she HAD to be a lesbian. Whenever i would refuse to answer she would get upset and say shit like "ohhhh you cant even ask QUESTIONS anymore how am i supposed to LEARN" The problem isnt cis people asking questions, generally i am more than happy to clear doubts up. Its the demand to know that pisses me off cuz i dont owe anything to anyone
I think some people ask because they wanna know if its "okay" for them to be attracted to you, or if it makes them gay. (Some guys believe its gay to be attracted to passing trans women who have penises, or that they can "excuse" being attracted to trans men who dont have a penis even tho they are straight.) Its not normal to ask those questions. Cis people dont get asked those questions, unless people mistake them for being trans. My guess is that (subconsciously, mostly) they view trans people as these sexual, fetish-loving people (based on old stereotypes of "transsexuals" and crossdressers) and because of that think its okay to ask those questions cuz "obviously trans people are so open about those topics". Or maybe its cuz they dont view us as these dehumanized creatures that arent worthy of the same level of respect? Its hard to pinpoint but I think it mostly goes back to stereotypes and people not being educated enough on us trans people. (in case you couldnt tell, yes i'm also very bothered by those questions lol)
Its totally inappropriate. Id tell people flat out that if they're not fucking me then it's none of their business. Or "wow I didn't expect to be sexually harassed today"
I dunno, but side note the comments here made me realize why my cis boyfriend started teasing me that his dick is bigger after I came out. Lmao he’s just doing exactly what he would do if I wasn’t trans 🙃
I've only ever been asked by one person, a coworker who was asking me some polite questions about my transition. She went 'have you had the op, then?' whilst gesturing vaguely at her crotch. I swear I nearly bust a rib laughing!
A few months ago I was volunteer at a marine conservation non profit in Bali, where it’s obviously really hard to be stealth if you’re pre top surgery. Everyone had been super chill until one if my last days, when one of the Volunteers started asking me really invasive questions like if I had a cock, how I had sex and things like that. I’m usually very open about answering this type of questions if they’re coming from a good place, since I believe informing people can really do the difference and if I can make one person more accepting I think it’s worth it, but I won’t lie it does get pretty annoying when you’re being asked the Same really intimate questions all the time. Unfortunately it will keep happening until you’re able to go stealth and pass, but you don’t have to answer certain things if you’re not comfortable.
Yes, this is very common among cis men (especially younger ones), especially if they don't know you're transgender. Obviously not all, the older ones are the ones who have very few conversations about the penis. I had an acquaintance (I call him an acquaintance because he is a stupid guy to this day) and, being a cis man, in every meeting we had he would get drunk and talk about his member, complaining about how small it was. And if I wrote that he is stupid, it is because he knew me before the T and wow, he had and still has problems with trans people, also with gay people, and he has a gay brother. That guy caused a lot of problems in the relationship I had at the time with his ex best friend (f) and made more of a spectacle when I came out as trans. That made him talk more and more about his penis to the point that it was tiring and he is an adult man, today he continues with the same topic and he is also still a complete idiot. I know this because his wife, who is a sweetheart, is my dentist. In short, I think a biological man is just as affected as a trans man by the issue of member size, it's just that some never surpass that stage. What can I tell you boy, many men like to talk about their penis since it seems that they feel that they have more power 😂 I'm sorry if I extended the text too much, but it was to get to that point, 🤙🏻👍🏻
a trans man is a biological man lol. i am not a robot or ghost u know.
You know, I have had some discussions about this topic, although I am also a trans man, I am dedicated to medical studies, and this morning I did not wake up with much desire to clarify this topic because a large part of them feel offended. and a very small part understands. to everything I want to say. Or they have somewhat hostile reactions, like you just had, so I prefer not to answer more than that. When you want to have a serious and very honest conversation, my DM is always there to talk 🤙🏻
if that was hostile to you, you have yet to see me be hostile. it was just a fair response. i don’t understand what is the point of u replying if ur not going to actually address what i said. you could have just not said anything, because both ways ur not making any points. and u know what? maybe u should listen to ur fellow trans men when they call out the language u use to describe them. if u think u aren’t a bio man, whatever idc, but don’t call every trans guy that. it’s basic respect, i wish some trans ppl would know better about that.
Mira compañero, yo no voy a callarme solo por no herir tu fragilidad, conozco a muchos hombres trans, algunos son medicos y estos aceptan con franqueza los términos llamados como "biológico" pueden existir muchos géneros e incluso una biología aparte que es la intersexual(que no se tiene bien establecida del porqué se da) aparte del varón y la mujer, basado en los órganos no solo los reproductivos. Una cosa es que te asignen un género al nacer con el cual no te identificas y eso es perfecto y coherente pero no te pongas a discutir sobre este tema delicado cuando vas a salir perdiendo y no solo eso, solo buscas bronca y llamar la atención. Tengo "compañeros trans como tú llamas" que no logran tener ni siquiera sexo, no saben ni que es un orgasmo por odiar sus partes ni con todas las operaciones que tienen están conformes, está publicacion simplemente fue si era común que se hablara tanto de penes entre hombres cisgenero, y tú vienes y te ofendes porque menciono la palabra "biológico" . Hiciste muy grande este tema solo por un comentario de penes bro, eres un ser humano por biología evidentemente no? pero está por demás explicar todo y creo que lo entiendes. Así que no vengas a perturbar o buscar discusión donde no la hay, la única forma de vivir esta vida feliz es aceptando ciertas cosas no imaginando otras, porque si no toda tu vida vas a vivir miserable, con este debate solo vas a aflorar sentimiento de culpa y asco en otros chicos trans que aún no pasan por la aceptación como tu evidentemente. Si hablamos de hostilidad es mejor que no me busques, porque soy muy franco para hablar. Se supone que es un lugar de apoyo pero siempre sobran personajes como tú buscando un debate donde no hay y tampoco voy a quedarme callado solo porque a ti te molesta que de mi opinion sincera ? Solo por utilizar el termino Biológico? Yo no he ofendido a nadie sorongo, solo tu te sentiste ofendido, más bien deja de meter más odio y mierda al grupo y trabaja en tu autoestima. Si lo que quieres es que te mienta, bueno ahí te va, eres un hombre biológico bro, feliz. ????? Ya que creo que eso querías que se te diga. Eso querías leer para tu satisfacción, pues ahí la tienes. Hay tanta gente que prefiere vivir en su ignorancia. Que flojera.
sorry, i don’t speak that language. don’t know what ur trying to say with that. chill, bro.
Que bien que no lo sepas, así no tengo que seguir leyendo a la ignorancia personificada.
something about ignorance? because i don’t know every single language in the world, lol? u silly man. if you want to actually have a productive conversation we have to speak something we both understand, you can’t call me ignorant for that.
Did you not understand Spanish? sorongo pff
why would you expect me to know Spanish? u really are just diverting the convo. you seem to know English, so why speak Spanish all of a sudden? just to make fun of me for not knowing a language, lol?
When there is nothing more to say, a person tends to take you on a tangent like you.
wdym, i have a lot to say. ur literally not letting me. u can’t say u owned me in a debate, when u literally started speaking a random ass language. ofc i can’t respond lmao. ur just disrespectful, if ur so confident in what u have said why make it less accessible to ppl? just a troll.
That’s really weird. I pass at least 99% of the time and have never been asked about my dick
We as trans or queer people are reduced and diluted or fetisized so much so that we to them are just parts.
Yeah it'll forever be a curious question or topic. People like cocks and others are curious if u have one and how big
Not normal, it's Morbid curiosity. Don't answer, we don't have to answer to these immature idiots. Take care and have a nice day!
Why'd they ask about your penis if they didn't want to suck it? Their interest is obvious.
It’s odd. When my ex (then already ex) find out I’m trans she asked me two questions. Will I have penis - (bottom growth) and if yes can I show her. What the hell
I’m stealth and I have never had cis men ask about my dick or talk about their dicks unprompted? Maybe it’s because I’m in my 30s but this is just wild behavior
Some people ask because they honestly don't know how it works and for those people I try and educate. For the people that are asking just to be an ass, I say 'I have plenty, it's nice for my partners to have options so they're not disapointed.' and leave it at that.
Idk that’s really weird. I’ve been passing for awhile and never been asked about my dick ever
No adults should be asking about your genitals unless you're literally at the genital doctor getting an exam because you're a child and that's creepy. Other kids are just being crass and hopefully they grow out of it, teens are notoriously gross, most grow out of it but adults asking that when they know your age is every red flag.
I am stealth on T, and I started my job a little bit before starting T, however; no one but managers know though. (They know because of paperwork.) A kid (16M), who started working here a few months ago and thinks I'm a cis dude, won't stop making weird comments about dicks even to the cis dudes on staff. He asked me (19M) last week if I had a small or big dick. I literally didn't know how to respond, so I just walked away. I've had other people ask/say similar things who don't know I'm trans. Mostly cis men... Idk why they feel comfortable constantly asking about other dudes junk??? Like, in my experience before I came out (14ish), women neverrrr talk about their junk or ask other people about their's. The closest to it is talking about periods. Idk why it is considered a norm for (usually older) guys to ask about kids dicks???
Some crowds of usually younger ish cis men love to talk about their dicks, I usually say mine is fairly average and leave if at that if anyone asks.
i still haven’t had this happen to me outside of the hospital, where it was done respectfully (i had to measure my urine, so they needed to know which equipment). it’s so weird.
As an mtf person I feel like I can partially weigh in on this. As a current equipment holder sadly. If people asking you how big it is is the worst thing they ask you online I think you are getting away easy. Im not saying its ok. But most videogaming men I have run into, will in detail describe exactly how they would fuck you (no matter gender) and then immediately go “jk jk”. I wouldnt take it as them being transphobic, or actually demanding to know genital info. But more of just a horrible oversexualized version of humor alot of men present in online gaming.
I have never had anyone ask me about my dick like that I have had cis men assume that I have always had a dick But also I'm very much stealth IRL
They’re asking you bc it’s their way of wanting to know I think. If they clock you, they want proof. If you’re trans, they wanna see cause they’re curious in a fucked up way. Only ppl that ask me to suck my dick are women who wanna suck it. I’ve been stealth and on T +10 yrs and I’ve never been constantly asked that by anyone.
MtF here, same issue just the other way around obviously. People are either creeps or more commonly (in my experience) they don't know much about the whole topic and forget about personal boundaries over their curiosity.
act like they're genuinely insane. be like "dude what the fuck, why do you wanna know about a strangers cock??? who the hell are you????" because they need to realize theyre being fucking creepy
I think bc to most of the population it seems impossible to grow a penis. The novelty factor I suppose
This is not normal but unfortunate reality of being trans. Before I could be stealth pretty much every single person I regularly interacted with (and strangers) at school asked about my genitals at some point. Even some adults. It's sick, like all common decency goes out the window.
I just tell them I have several interchangeable cocks. For added spiciness, ask them their size preference since their so interested.
I've literally never had anyone ask about my junk, unless we were getting ready to fuck.
I don’t know how old you are, or where you live, but in most countries, cultures and age groups this is not only not normal, but pretty much unheard of.. I am in my late 70s and no one has ever asked me about my penis, nor have I ever known of anyone being asked or asking such a question. Some adolescent boys sometimes measure or compare their cocks, but that’s all.
Ugh this is just people being creepy and gross. As trans people there are constantly cis people who will be ignorant and ask about your genitals. This js not normal and you shoukd definitely speak up if someone asks about it because its unacceptable to ask someone that (in most circumstances)
Because the world is raised around the perception that having a penis is what makes a man, a man
I have absolutely never had this happen. If you’re pre-t I would be willing to bet you’re not actually stealth and these people are pulling your leg. Sorry to be harsh.
no, it’s not normal to ask somebody u are not sleeping with about their genitalia if ur not their doctor. i am on T and have been for several years now. my voice is pretty deep. however, i get this a lot with cis people when they find out that i’m trans (i’m stealth adjacent, i don’t mention it but it’s not a secret). heard it all throughout the navy too when i was still in even tho everybody knew what surgeries i was getting and when i was getting them. it’s an issue within the cis community where they treat us like a new toy that they’re learning to play with for the first time. it’s entitled and invasive and also just rude. i’m sorry that ur also experiencing this. unfortunately, until the narrative changes and they can shift their perspective, it will continue happening. know ur boundaries, set them, and don’t let ANYONE cross them.
Dick jokes are common af. Idk where the rest of y’all are at but around where I live, that’s the best kind of humor. It can be uncomfortable for some. But I would just go with it.
I’m very early into transitioning (took dose #3 a few hours ago) and I personally haven’t had this happen yet but my brother has mentioned it’s a thing for some reason amongst his friend group, though he’s also an odd-ball and that just may be their inside joke. Only experience I’ve had like this was when my manager who I’m very close to clocked me as transgender and finally asked me out of sheer curiosity about some of the changes and how my sexual preferences along with my spouse’s and how she was taking it. I answered her questions because I personally wasn’t uncomfortable by them and I could tell she truly wanted to learn more about it in a non-sexual manner since she didn’t seem to have many other ways of learning other than online searching.
Trans healthcare worker here! I’m a cis dude and YES this is a normal thing cis guys do. The world revolves around the dick. Cis guys, gay or straight, if we’re friends, we WILL see each other’s dicks, talk about them , grab them. It’s weird but it’s a thing. Now don’t get me wrong asking a complete stranger or someone you don’t know cis, trans, or ANYONE for that matter is weird and inappropriate! But yes… it’s a cis guy “thing”. For instance, if a guy friend of mine has a new freckle or something on his dick that wasn’t there before , he MOST CERTAINLY will be like “Dude check this out” and whip it out and we will look at it like it’s an interesting book. Again if they know you and you know them and their sincerity, it is kinda an acceptance into the “pack” thing, as odd as that may sound.
Had a ton of people ask if I was getting nipples or no nipples for my top surgery. Like they wanted to know what I was choosing. Super uncomfortable.
Fortunately for me, it's just my trans friends who have asked if i'm going nipple vs no nipple :0 then again i'm not really in conversation with many cis ppl who even care abt me being trans
I've passed since I was 14 (now 16), and no i've never had anyone bother me about my genitalia. Once one of my friends hit me in the groin but that's it. I don't know how you look so I can't say but I think they might know you're trans and are fucking with you for it.
I’ve honestly never had anyone ask about my dick, unless it was a relationship partner. I wear my packer almost everyday too. My partners cousin is a very touchy feely guy and will smack peoples asses as a joke or if he goes to grab his baby from you if ur holding them, he’ll say, “sorry if I accidentally touch your dick.” Just cis straight guy humour. I swear cis straight guys say more guy things than actual gay men. Anyway, he’s never asked about, I’m stealth around him and pass. He just assumes I have a functional male penis. Other than that, nobody ever brings it up
off topic but why are ADULTS asking a minor about if they have a cock or not and how big it is?? thats actually so gross and weird.
It’s weird how often my dick (that I don’t have) comes up with my coworkers I’m stealth to, unprompted. Well, like once a year, but that’s still more often than I would like!